Mad About You
by Mercy2908
Summary: The church bells peal happily, announcing that a new couple has got married in Sweetwater...
1. Chapter 1

**This is a story I started writing in 2001. I plan to post all my old stories here, and I want to make some changes in the writing, so that it sounds better to me. This is the very first fanfiction I ever tried to write. I enjoyed working out the plot, because of the very special circumstances under which the characters will find themselsves. This is going to be a journey to the past as I go through these past stories to make them more edible. :)**

**Chapter I**

The bells of the small church rang joyously across the town. It was a characteristic sound for the people of Sweetwater to know that two of their neighbors had gotten hitched. Some of the people who were in town stopped to see the newly married couple emerge from inside the whitewashed chapel.

The bride and the groom were grinning from ear to ear as they made their way out, followed by their families and friends. Once they had reached the porch, they could not resist the temptation of kissing again, but they pulled away as their relatives and friends one by one came and wished them all the best for the life in common they started today.

Rachel could not believe that the handsome man beside her was her husband. Her husband. Just the thought of it made her grin wider and blush. She felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world. Barely some months ago she had been too lonely and her life had lacked sense. Her first true love, Henry Dunne, had been killed by a man looking for retaliation. Like always, it never rains, it pours, and Rachel had lost her unborn child when she had confronted her husband's murderer. As a result of this altercation, she had killed the wrong man and she had become an outcast, constantly running away from the law.

Her life had turned into an endless pain, a miserable existence. She had felt sour, empty and terribly lonely. Looking at her new husband, she had to shake her head and ward off her scaring thoughts. Today was her day, and she should focus on the gift life had given her, and forget the black clouds of her past.

Rachel smiled as she remembered how everything had taken an unexpected turn. Her arrival at Sweetwater looking for a job had been filled with apprehension. Knowing that she would be working for the marshal had not helped soothe her mind. She had thought that taking the job as a cook at a Pony Express station would give her the perfect opportunity to hide, at least temporarily, but realizing that her boss also was a lawman had spoiled her expectations. Yet, everything had been for the best. Although her relationship with the riders had been awkward at first, all of them ogling at her like owls and making inappropriate remarks, things had blown over once she had got things cleared. In addition, her outstanding matter with justice had also been solved thanks to the boys' and Teaspoon's efforts. Yeah, with her arrival at the Sweetwater way station she had found a home, her home, her family.

Rachel grinned at the boys as one by one kissed and hugged her on her happy day. Every one of them was dear to her and had a special spot in her heart. All of them were so different, but at the same time they were so similar in many ways. First came Cody, who was the buffoon of the group, and always raised everyone's spirits, even in the worst of situations with his wisecracks. Gentle Ike followed, so special and dear, who could say more than words could express; Then the rest came forward: Buck, who in spite of his eerie countenance was sweet and calm; Noah, a black man devoid of the chains; Jimmy, who behind that hard mask hid a loving human being; and Kid, who always did what was right in this time of violence and vice. Yes, they were a very unusual bunch but in spite of the differences they did not hesitate to put their lives in the line for each other.

Teaspoon came after the boys to give her a big bear hug. The station mistress could not stop the tears from making their appearance when he wished her happiness and told her how beautiful she looked. Teaspoon was eccentric and sometimes weird, but he was the unitary force of this family with his special wit and wisdom. Without him, things would not be the same.

After the congratulations were over, Rachel took her husband's hand and the two of them, escorted by their family, headed to the restaurant where they would have a small reception. Rachel gazed at the man by her side, who proudly escorted her through the town. She felt immense joy and remembered the first time she had seen him. It had been in the same church that they had just left. He had been sitting a few pews in front of her, and Rachel had immediately noticed him. He was tall, handsome, smart, everything in him had attracted the station mistress at once. She had not felt so affected by any man for a long time. Her husband had died a few years before and she had not had the need for any man… until now. And there she had been watching, staring, scrutinizing this man, who she did not know the first thing about. She had been so immersed in her own thoughts and in the handsome gentleman before her eyes that she had not noticed that the service was over. One of the boys even had to nudge her gently on her arm to catch her attention, and she had blushed awkwardly.

From then on she had tried to learn everything about this man. Sweetwater was a small city, and everybody knew everything about everybody. It had not been difficult to find out more about the handsome man in church. A few casual questions here and there, and her curiosity was fulfilled. Apparently, this man was the new manager of the Sweetwater Bank. He was a widower like her and had two young children: a ten-year-old daughter and a twelve-year-old boy. Rachel smiled as she reminisced the day that they had finally met. He had come to the station to talk to Teaspoon about a shipment of gold that was on its way to Sweetwater. The moment their eyes had met Rachel had felt a surge of energy run through all her body, and in a way she also sensed that the feeling was mutual. It had been love at first sight and the days that had followed this first meeting had deepened their initial friendship and then the increasing love for each other. Both of them had become inseparable and soon it had been common gossip in town that the new banker and the housekeeper of the Pony Express station were courting.

Rachel cherished these memories dearly, and would remember for the rest of her life. It had been so romantic and beautiful, and she had been as happy as a queen. Their relationship had felt so right from the beginning, everything had been perfect. John had been a real gentleman, bringing her flowers every day, taking her out for dinner in town, showing his love for her and granting her every single wish. Also from the beginning she had got on fabulously with the children. They had accepted her from the first moment. They were wonderful children, and Rachel had grown very fond of them. Besides, the boys and Teaspoon liked John very much and it was not strange to have him at dinner in the bunkhouse.

Then came his proposal, his very romantic proposal. Rachel had not hesitated to accept it and say yes. It was what she had been looking forward to for a long time. And here she was, a married woman with a wonderful husband, two children and a family of seven men. There was nothing else she could wish for. For once in her life, she was perfectly happy, and everything was perfect.

John had been so wonderful and understanding as they talked about their life after their wedding. He had accepted to move and live at the way station. In his own words, he did not want her to lose anything she cared for. He so understood, Rachel thought.

Rachel was taken from her reverie by the sweet voice of her husband. They were in front of the restaurant door and he asked: "Are you ready, Mrs. Boggs?"

Rachel smiled from ear to ear as she said, "More than ready, Mr. Boggs, more than ready."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

It was a balmy summer morning as life began to wake up at the way station. The first chirps of the birds could be heard in the peaceful yard while the horses neighed their greetings to the new day. The rays of the morning sun made their way through the bedroom window and outlined the shadows of two figures lying on the double bed.

Rachel was sleeping soundly when something woke her up; she felt a tickling sensation on her cheek. Drowsily she opened her eyes and in a haze saw her husband brushing a feather against her face. He leaned his elbow on the mattres and was grinning broadly.

"What are you doing?" she muttered half-asleep.

"Trying to wake my love," Boggs whispered, "the most beautiful woman in the whole world." He brushed his lips against his wife's, and soon the couple joined in a passionate, deep kiss.

"Do you really think that about me?" Rachel teased, pulling away from him.

"Oh, not really. I was just being polite," he teased back.

"You're a fool!" Rachel laughed as she got up from bed and began getting dressed. While she was doing up the buttons of her blouse, she remembered something, and her countenance lit up. "John," she ventured, "do you know what day it is today?"

"Today?" he echoed, frowning. "Uh... let me think. Today, today. Is it somebody's birthday?" he asked mischievously.

Rachel sent him an unhappy look. "No, it's nobody's birthday," she said slightly upset.

"Don't frown, honey. How could I forget the happiest day of my life? Our wedding day. Two months, Rachel. I can't believe it has been two months, the two most wonderful months of my entire existence. It has been so perfect. You make my life perfect. I love you," Boggs stated heartedly.

"I love you too," Rachel answered his declaration of love as her husband folded her in his arms and kissed her passionately till they were out of breath. After a few minutes and despite herself Rachel pulled away and resumed her dressing. "You'd better stop fooling around if you don't want to be late."

"Well, I'm not an expert," Boggs said teasingly, "but if we wanna give Theresa and Jeremiah a little brother or sister, shouldn't we...?"

"Just shut up and get dressed," Rachel ordered among giggles.

"You cruel woman. You know, a third child, born of our love, would be just perfect" Boggs stopped as his wife made a face, insisting that he should get a move on in a mildly threatening way. "We'll leave the matter for later, Ma'am."

"Yes, we'll discuss it later," Rachel said with a smile. "By the way, today's dinner is special. We celebrate something, remember? Please come home early from work. I want to have a peaceful evening with the children, the boys, Teaspoon and us. We couldn't celebrate our first month, so I want tonight to be something to remember and share it with our family," she said as she finished lacing her shoes.

"As you wish, my love. But after tha we'll have our own private celebration, won't we?" he asked mischievously.

"Uhmm, I'll think about it, but now go," she giggled as she pushed her husband out of the room.

Rachel leaned on the wall for a moment and mumbled a thank you for the wonderful gift that has been granted to her. This was what she had been dreaming about all her life. A loving husband to spend a lifetime with, a family, love, dreams. She had everything and it felt so good. Nothing was going to spoil it.

"Where's Cody? I thought he would have been back from his ride by now," Boggs asked.

The five riders, Teaspoon and the Boggs family were sitting around the table in the bunkhouse, enjoying a delicious dinner that Rachel had prepared.

"He should, but with the last rains the roads are muddy and slippery, so it would be hard for him to keep his usual pace," Rachel explained.

"I don't know, Rachel," said Jimmy, "I bet Cody can smell your food from miles away and I wouldn't be too surprised if he burst in before dinner's over".

Everybody chuckled at Jimmy's comment, implying that there was some truth in what Hickok had said. Rachel then got up from her seat and took a bottle from the cupboard near the sink.

"Boys, I'd like to call your attention for a moment." Rachel spoke up. "Today is a very special day for me and John. We've been married for two whole months and we're glad to share our happiness with you, our family. I've thought that we can have a toast for the occasion. Teaspoon has lifted the alcohol ban just for today, all right?"

Everybody clapped their hands and approached their cups to be filled with the red wine. The atmosphere in the room was jovial and cheerful. All the riders and Teaspoon were smiling broadly at the couple, who were unmistakingly so much in love. They were happy for them and everybody was glad to be sharing this moment with them.

"Jeremiah, I don't think your father would appreciate you having a taste of this," Kid told the boy, who had been caught trying to snatch the bottle of wine. The young boy blushed at being caught, and instantly glared at the rider.

"Absolutely not," came the immediate reply of his father. "Milk will be good enough for you. You're still too young for this."

Jeremiah frowned at his father and let out a snort of protest. He was trying so hard to prove that he was not a child but it seemed that his efforts were in vain. "I'm not a baby. You don't have to treat me like Tessa," he wailed.

"Hey!" Theresa objected.

"That's enough!" Boggs shushed the two children. "This is a celebration and, Jeremiah, if you're not a baby, that's not the way of showing it".

The boy looked down sheepishly and muttered a quiet 'sorry'. Ike, who was sitting next to him, ruffled the boy's hair and smiled. After everybody's cups had been filled with the sweet red wine, Teaspoon cleared his throat to draw everybody's attention and stood up. "Rachel. John. If you let me, I'd like to say a few words to...".

The beginning of his speech was cut short, as Buck broke in, "Teaspoon, you know we have to turn in early. We have a hard day tomorrow".

The occupants of the bunkhouse laughed again as the stationmaster looked daggers at Buck. It was common among the riders to make jokes on Teaspoon's loquacity, and even though the marshal seemed upset for the tease, he secretly enjoyed the lighthearted banter.

"Just kidding, Teaspoon," Buck said apologetically.

"Really, boys, your sense of humor is sometimes absolutely obnoxious," he grumbled in mocked discontent and forgetting Buck's interruption, the marshal continued, "Anyway, I'd like to tell this charmin' couple how pleased we are to have 'em as part of this family. As I say, family sticks together, nothing' is more sacred. Let's lift our cups to join in their happiness. For love and family."

"For love and family," the rest echoed.

They were still tasting the fruity flavor of the red wine when the door slammed open and Cody burst in, his muddy boots dirtying the floor as he made his way to the table. "Rachel, I'm starving. Is there anything left? What's this? Wine? What's the occasion?" Cody rattled away.

"Cody!" Rachel scolded the blonde rider. "Stop blabbering and for Christ's sake, take off those filthy boots of yours. You're making a mess of my clean floor!"

"Just one moment," Cody said as he snapped a chicken leg and began devouring it still standing. While he was satisfying his appetite, he tried to remove his boots with one hand. At some point during the process he lost the balance and fell flat on his back, which provoked an uproar of laughter around him.

The blonde rider sat up, and took another bite of the chicken. "Cody, do you plan to stay in that position for ever or do we need to call the army for your assistance?" Jimmy said, still laughing.

Cody scowled at Jimmy and clumsily got up. He was about to retort when in a flash Jimmy's words him remember something. "By the way, I have a letter for you, Mr. Boggs. I almost forgot. It's from the army."

Cody handed Boggs the letter that he had tucked in his belt. The mention of the army had attracted the attention of everybody, in particular Rachel's. Although Boggs as an important businessman received letters daily, most of them were addressed to the bank of Sweetwater. Unlike the norm, this one had been personally sent to him and from the army, no less, which was just uncommon.

"A letter from the army?" Rachel asked. "What do they have to do with you?"

"I don't know," said Boggs as he ripped the letter open and began reading it. The calm expression on her countenance gradually started to fade as he read the contents of the paper in his hands. His face had turned pale when he had finished the letter. With a sudden outburst he threw the piece of paper and got up from the table muttering 'oh no' repeatedly. Rachel got alarmed to see her husband so distraught. He always seemed to keep control of his reactions and this fit of anger was something completely new to Rachel.

"What's the matter, John?" she asked Boggs, who by then had rose to his feet and was pacing up and down and muttering angrily.

"If there's some kind of problem, perhaps me and the boys could help," Teaspoon added.

Boggs stopped pacing and looked around the room. All the riders, his wife and children were observing him with wide eyes. All of them were silent, even Cody was speechless this time.

"Jeremiah, Theresa, it's time for bed. Say your good-nights," Boggs said.

"But, Pa ...," Jeremiah ventured but stopped at the meaningful look of his father.

"Fine. Good night," he said resignedly.

"Good night," Theresa chorused.

"Sleep tight," Rachel said as she gave each of them a hug. She had grown quite maternal in the two months she had been part of this family. The children adored her and she loved them very dearly. They had lost their mother at an early age and she was glad that in some way she could fill the void that their mother had left.

Once the children were gone, Boggs flopped onto a bunk and ran his fingers through his hair over and over again. Rachel approached and knelt before him. She brought both of her hands to his face and made him meet her gaze.

"What's happening, honey?" she asked after a few moments of tense silence.

"Ahem, boys, I think we'd better leave..."

"No!" Boggs cut Teaspoon off. "This is something that I want to share with all of you because in some way it involves you." He turned his gaze to Rachel and caressed her cheek with his hand. "Oh, my love, I'm so sorry about all this."

"Don't think about it." Rachel said. She was annoyed at her husband's attitude. "I'm your wife now and your problems are my problems. Please tell us," she pleaded.

Boggs took a deep breath, rose from the bunk and steered his wife to the table where they took a seat. He sadly looked into Rachel's eyes and angrily blurted out, "I knew it. I knew she would cause trouble again. She always does."

"She? A woman?" Rachel asked shocked. A woman was making her husband so upset? Who the hell was she? Thousands of questions crossed her mind and she felt angrier by the minute.

Boggs saw the expression in Rachel's eyes and hurried to calm her fears and doubts. "Oh, not like that. Please don't think that. Never." He was at a loss and was unsure how to tell her. He paused and then hesitantly added. "I know I should have told you sooner but I didn't see the need. Honestly, I never intended to hide anything from you, I never gave it any thought. I thought we wouldn't be bothered, but seemingly I was mistaken."

"What is it, for goodness sake, John?" Rachel was losing her patience and was tired of all his enigmatic wordiness.

"It's a delicate matter and I really don't like talking about it," he started, but noticing Rachel's glare, he held up his hands as he added, "Fine, fine. I'll tell you," he paused again, took a deep breath, and continued after a second, "Well, ...uh... you see, ... Jeremiah and Theresa are not my only children. There's another one, a girl."

"You have another daughter!" Rachel exclaimed, surprised but somewhat relieved. This was not as bad as she had thought. His weird attitude had made her imagine the worst scenarios possible and curiosity took hold of her whole soul. "But… but why didn't you tell me? Why isn't she with us? And… and what's her name? How old is she? Where is she? How...?"

"Hey, hey, Rachel! Please hold your horses. I can't keep up with all those questions of yours!" Boggs interrupted her harangue.

Rachel smiled at him sheepishly and after glancing at the boys and Teaspoon she whispered, "Tell us about her, John."

"Well, there isn't much to tell," he said morosely. He was cursing himself for this situation because he actually hoped he did not have to hear from her again, or tell his wife. "Let's see," he continued after a pause," She's my eldest child, she's ...uh... seventeen years-old and her name's Louise."

"Louise," Teaspoon said absent-mindedly. "A beautiful name. Once I met a...".

"Teaspoon!" Rachel and the riders chorused. This was not the time for one of the stationmaster's stories.

"Oops, sorry!" he mumbled sheepishly. "I was just making an observation."

"Never mind. There's not much more, at least, nothing nice. Her name is one the few good things I can say about her," Boggs said. He was furious about all this. He had thought that he would never have to pronounce her name again, and now he had to talk about her and probably had to stand her presence once again.

"John!" Rachel exclaimed aghast. She had never heard her husband to sound so bitter, he was always kind to everybody and never had a bad opinion about anyone. Sometimes she had thought that he was too mild with people. But this attitude was really shocking and new to her. He was speaking about his own daughter with such venom in his voice that it completely shocked her and the men sitting around them. "How can you talk like that? Why on earth are you so angry?"

"Rachel, you don't know her, so don't go judging me and don't tell me how I should feel," Boggs snorted irritated.

"What does your daughter have to do with that letter from the army, Mr. Boggs?" Kid asked hesitantly.

Rachel had completely forgotten about the letter and now she was really curious about the whole thing. Seemingly, John's new daughter was trouble and she hoped that it would not mean problems for John, for the children, for her family. If the army was involved, it meant that it was something serious. Stop it, Rachel! she thought. Don't begin imagining things that you don't know anything about. Patience. "Is she in some kind of trouble?" she finally managed to ask.

"Well," Boggs started. "This is the difficult part. Please don't interrupt me. It's hard as it is. Well, ..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

Silence reigned around the bunkhouse as its occupants expectantly listened to what John Boggs was saying about his 'secret' daughter up till that evening. Rachel was in such a state of confusion that she did not know what to think of this unexpected news. She had been shocked to learn her husband had another child unbeknownst to her. Just this morning he had talked to her about having a third child. So she felt somewhat hurt that John had not trusted her enough to tell her about his daughter, and she had gotten to know about this just by accident. She could not comprehend what the problem was and what all the fuss was about. What was he so angry about? Why this big secret? What did the army have to do with all this? She was at a loss and patiently waited for him to open up and come clean.

"Mary Louise, my late wife, got pregnant before we were husband and wife. So as soon as we learned about this 'surprise', we got married. Months later we had Louise and from the very first moment she had her mother wrapped around her little finger. Mary only had eyes for her and was always boasting about her beautiful baby." He paused for a moment and took a deep breath before resuming his tale. "Ever since Louise was a little girl she was a weird child. She was lonely, had no friends of her age and her behavior was far from being what you would call normal. When her mother died, she got worse and worse. I'd rather not go into detail." He hesitated over how to say the following but continued after a second. "It took me a long time to realize that I was unable to help her and I eventually had to admit that my daughter was ... mentally abnormal."

"Oh John!" Rachel gasped, her eyes wide in shock and brimming with unshed tears. During the whole conversation thousands of images had crossed Rachel's mind, but not for one second had she thought about this possibility.

"When she reached her puberty," John continued, "the situation was unbearable and I had to send her to a mental home. It's there where she has been all these years and where she will probably be for the rest of her life."

The boys and Teaspoon were speechless at this piece of information that the banker had shared with them and after a few seconds Cody piped in. "Are you trying to tell us that your daughter, uh, Louise is nuts and is locked up in one of those madhouses?"

"Cody!" everybody exclaimed in unison.

"How can you be so insensitive?" Rachel chided.

Boggs sighed. "Let the boy be. Sadly, he's talking the truth. Why to beat about the bush? Let's get straight to the point. Yes, Cody, she is mad, crazy, demented or whatever you want to call it"

Everybody kept silent for some minutes pondering the matter. Then taking Rachel's hand and looking straight at her eyes Boggs broke the silence in the room. His voice seemed void of any emotion. "The letter that I have just received tells me some news about her. Seemingly, the asylum where she is has suffered some damages. The … uh… internees have been relocated to different army hospitals till relatives or whoever they have go and pick them up. The reparations of the home will last two weeks at most, or at least it's what it says."

"Is she coming here?" Jimmy asked, uncomfortable with the situation.

"I'm afraid so." Boggs answered. "I wish I could prevent it, but it's my responsibility. Frankly, I don't think she will be any danger to any of you."

At the mention of danger the riders opened their eyes wide in apprehension and felt goose bumps cover their bodies. Scaring images crossed their minds, images of sharp knives that at night meet their victims. Seeing their expressions Boggs smiled sullenly. "Well, she has never been anyway, but I won't let her out of my sight, I assure you. However, I don't feel comfortable for Jeremiah and Theresa to stay while she's here. I don't want them to suffer or be scared. I think I will send them to my aunt's for those weeks."

Rachel squeezed his hand tighter in encouragement and smiled at him. "It's gonna be fine. It's just for two weeks or even less," she said self-assured.

"Of course it's gonna be fine," Teaspoon agreed. "We'll be more than happy to meet your young lady and perhaps it will be good for her to be here with us. We will welcome Miss Boggs to our family with open arms, won't we? Uh, boys?"

The riders nodded reluctantly. They were never afraid to face Indians, gunfighters or outlaws, but this was something that they did not have any experience with. They weren't scared, they thought, unwilling to admit their own feelings, just a bit cautious.

"Thank you, Teaspoon." Boggs sneered sarcastically. "I doubt anything can be good for her, but thank you. And … uh… she goes under her mother's maiden name, McCloud, not Boggs. She was extremely fond of her and I think it's all for the best, best for me, for the children, for everybody."

"Will there be a problem, you know, us being married?" Rachel asked apprehensively. "If she was so fond of her mother, she might not like the idea of you remarrying."

"No problem," answered her husband without the least hint of doubt, soothing her fears. "None of you have to be afraid. Honestly. I can handle her. You will hardly catch a glimpse of her as I intend to keep her in her room as long as possible."

Again the bunkhouse was silent. Each of its occupants remained in deep thought. None of the riders had dared to open their mouths during the whole exchange. They felt sympathetic for Boggs, but also the thought of a young girl having this kind of problems concerned them deeply.

Buck, Ike and Noah knew what to be different meant and how people treated them for that reason. To feel rejection because you had a different appearance or your behavior and beliefs were not 'normal' was not something easy to deal with. Cody and Jimmy were ashamed of feeling apprehensive about the girl who soon will be living at the station, but they could not help it. If there was something wrong in her head, the matter could not be taken lightly; they knew nobody had control over a sick mind, and this thought scared the daylights out of them.

Kid was also deep in thought. She was almost the same age as him and his friends but their stories were so different. All of them had had difficult childhoods and had been orphans at an early age, but their lives had turned out for the best. They were free, they could decide about their lives and they had a family in each other. But although this girl has been granted a family, she could not enjoy this pleasure. She was living in one of those terrible places he had heard so many scary stories about. Kid felt a pang of guilt for his own reaction and initial attitude towards this poor sick girl. Compared to this, Kid thought, his problems seemed ridiculous. Yes, he had to work hard and had to face danger almost every day. But what were his worries? He fretted about such trivial things: what girl he would take to the next social or if he would have a family of his own one day. This girl, Louise, never had any of these concerns and would probably never have. She would never experience the joy of falling in love. She would never share moments of happiness with her husband. She would never be called mama by beautiful children. Her life would be reduced to those four horrible walls.

Kid and the other riders were taken out from their reveries by the voices of Rachel and Boggs, who were turning in after a long day. They said their good-nights and left the bunkhouse. The stationmaster had also decided that it was time to call it a day. He talked to the boys about the chores that were supposed to be finished the following day between a chorus of protests, and after calming the riot, he left the station and headed for town.

* * *

In the small room which Rachel and her husband shared the couple was getting ready to go to bed. A light was burning on the dresser and a soft breeze was blowing through the window. The night was silent and the only sound which could be heard was the rustle of clothes being discarded.

Boggs was already in bed and watched his wife as she undressed and put on her white linen nightgown. She was silent and deep in thought.

"I wonder what that beautiful head of yours is thinking?" he ventured.

Rachel stared at him but said nothing. She seemed unable to express in words the thousands of thoughts that were crossing her mind.

"You know I'm sorry," he said.

"Sorry? What for?"

"For ruining this special day, for this situation, for involving you in my problems, for making you angry."

"I'm not angry, just a bit upset," Rachel confessed, "because you didn't tell me. Moreover, your problems are my problems. We're married, remember? Why did you do it? Don't you trust me?"

"Don't be absurd, Rachel. Of course I trust you. I told you. It never came to my mind. I haven't seen her in four years. I thought she was out of my life for good," he bellowed angrily. During the exchange he had stood up from bed, crossed the room and placed himself before his wife.

"Didn't you ever visit her? Not even once in these four years?" Rachel asked completely aghast.

"What's the use of it? It wouldn't do her any good," he said angrily.

"Nor any bad either. What are you so angry about, John?" Rachel insisted not comprehending her husband's attitude. "It ain't her fault she's sick. It's not as if she had done something against you on purpose. I don't understand you."

"Please Rachel. I don't feel like talking about it any longer," he pleaded in a tired voice.

"I don't care," she blustered. "We share a life, not just the bed and I have a right to know what is happening to my family."

"Do you want to know why I'm so angry?" Boggs bellowed. "What do you think? She's not even here yet and we're already fighting. I have a good life, two healthy children, a loving wife, friends, but," he sneered sarcastically, "I also have her. I hate the burden she is to me. It's not fair."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, flabbergasted by John's harsh words. This was not like him at all, and she was at a loss.

"I married her mother cause she was pregnant. I loved her very much but I knew that the child she was carrying wasn't mine. She played this dirty trick on me because I loved her."

"How did you know?" Rachel wanted to know. She was shocked at his confession.

"Well, she never told me, that's for sure, and I never asked her. But you know these things, you feel them. And moreover, as much as I loved her mother, I never felt any kind of affection for her. Her presence was irritating and I even hated her," Boggs muttered.

This left Rachel speechless. This side of her husband was so new to her. She had seen how she loved his children, and how patiently he spent hours and hours playing with Theresa and Jeremiah. He was always kind, attentive and tender. Furthermore, he was always amiable to other children. But here he was showing a harsh side of his personality that almost scared her. It was like seeing a completely different person.

Was this her loving husband? The events had turned him into somebody unknown to her. She kept staring at the man who was having an internal fight with his feelings. Deep inside, she could understand his deception, his pain and his anger. But how could anybody hate a child? Who could hold a child responsible for its parents' faults? How could a child feel seeing the lack of affection in one of its parents? To grow up feeling dejected and disliked for the person who was supposed to care about you could be devastating for a child. She had had all those feelings to a certain extent. She had never met her father, and her mother had died at an early age. Her only parent had showered her with love and she had never felt the weight of accusing eyes on her. It had been a hard childhood but her mother had cared that she would feel loved. When her mother had died, she had moved in with an aunt, who had considered her a burden and never shown any fondness to her. But by then she was old enough to know what her aunt thought meant little to her.

"Rachel?" Boggs called, waking her from her reverie.

"Uh... Honey. I think we are both exhausted. It has been a long day. Let's go to bed and we'll talk about it tomorrow," she stated, kissing her husband gently on the cheek. She put out the light, took him from the hand and steered him to the bed. They lay in silence for a few minutes and finally Rachel whispered self-assuredly: "Everything's gonna be all right."

* * *

In the bunkhouse the riders were also getting ready for bed. Unlike any other nights, this time they were quiet as they kept pondering the coming changes to the station. After a while Cody finally broke the silence.

"What do you think she looks like?"

"Who?" Noah asked.

"The girl, of course. Boggs' daughter," Cody answered slightly irritated at his friend's apparent thickness.

The riders stayed silent for a moment and exchanged looks.

"I don't know, Cody. I guess she looks like any other person. Why are you so interested?" Jimmy concluded.

"Well, she's gonna live here for two long weeks and I'm not exactly thrilled about it. Those people give me the creeps. They shouldn't be allowed among normal people and wander freely. The Government should do something about it. They should never mingle with decent people, no matter what the circumstances are, never ever," Cody rapped.

"So what's your clever plan, Mr. Cody? Build reservations and let them die?" Buck snarled. "It's what they are doing to my people, not letting them mingle with decent people."

"Buck, I'm not talking about Indians. You know that I don't approve of how they are being treated." Cody said.

"And when did you become such an expert in what is normal and what is not?" Ike signed furiously.

"Ike is right, Cody," Noah agreed. "People are different from one another. This qualifying and classifying that 'normal' people do only lead to dejection just for being different."

Cody was getting exasperated at his friends' attitude and lack of understanding. "Boys, we ain't discussing the world's wrongs. We're talking about a mad woman who's gonna be living among us and I swear I will keep away from her as much as possible. And don't come telling me that you ain't a bit nervous about all this. Gosh, even her father doesn't trust her."

The boys remained silent for a few minutes. It was true what Cody was saying. All of them had felt apprehension when they had first heard about Mr. Boggs' daughter, but they were reluctant to admit it. Only Cody had voiced his fears and his sincerity had been received with protests. Deep inside they were feeling the same, perhaps not as strongly as the blonde rider, and they were greatly ashamed of themselves. They had been thinking in the same way as they knew many people thought of them. Hearing Cody talking had made them realize the truth and it was really humiliating.

"I hate to admit it," Jimmy said after a few minutes, "but Cody is right."

At his words the riders began talking at the same time loudly and Ike signing furiously. Everyone of them struggled to get their points of view across, but none of them could be understood in the cacophony that roared in the bunkhouse.

Kid was the only one who kept silent. He had been listening to what his friends had been talking about but he had not felt like saying anything. This argument was totally ridiculous, and everybody talking at the same time loudly was really getting on his nerves. When he could not stand it any longer he let out a high-pitched whistle. The riders stopped at one and stared at him.

"Will you just quit it?" he rapped out. "What's all this fuss about? You don't even know her and you're discussing her? She's just a sick girl and is coming here because her father lives here. I don't think she gives a damn about what we think it's right or not. She's been given a hard hand to deal with in life. She's the victim here, not you, Cody. And I can assure you that none of you is gonna play hero for her sake."

The rest of the riders remained speechless at Kid's words and after a while one by one went into their bunks whispering good-night


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

The next two days were too busy for Rachel as she kept arranging everything for their visitor. Jeremiah and Theresa had reluctantly left their home to go to their Aunt Helen's house. They did not understand why they had to stay with her for so many days. School had not closed up for the summer holiday yet, and they did not want to stay away from home, from their family and from the riders for so long. Both children had grown quite fond of their step-mother's charges. Jeremiah felt very proud of his new friends and used to brag at school how the riders were teaching him to ride, break in horses and shoot. Most of this was basically untrue since his father would not allow him to involve in any risky activity, but as Theresa did not say a word against it he kept telling his deeds with the important Pony Express riders, which were making him very popular among his school friends.

Theresa was very sad; she was going to miss Rachel most. She had been just a baby when her real mother had died, so she did not have any recollections of her, which saddened her terribly at times. Rachel was gentle, kind and caring, everything that a mother should be. Theresa had even begun calling her 'mommy'. And now the young girl did not understand why they would have to stay at Aunt Helen's. She liked her, she was real nice but she was not a ma. Aunt Helen was too old and she was no fun. It was fine to visit her once in a while just for the day, but spending two whole weeks with her was something that Theresa was not looking forward to.

It was arranged that Ike would escort the children to their aunt's. Boggs and Rachel could not afford to go themselves as they had to go to Ft Laramie and pick up Louise. The banker had been reluctant to this decision and had been against it, but finally he had relented. Ike was good with children and Theresa was especially fond of him. So that was the final decision.

After the children had left, Rachel made arrangements for their trip and also had introduced several changes in Theresa's room, where Louise would stay, to adjust it for a young lady. Boggs was a bit annoyed and complained that she was making too much trouble for her. So as best as she could Rachel tried to cope with his husband's foul mood which had been the norm wince the letter had been received.

Despite his irritability, Boggs had managed to cool down a bit about the whole situation. He was still bitter and angered, but he had been able to talk about the matter to Rachel more calmly. He had not said much, but at least he had opened up enough for the station mistress to reassure him that everything was going to be fine.

Rachel was actually uneasy about the trip. She tried to show confidence, at least, when she was with her husband because she did not want to add to his problems, but deep inside she felt very nervous. John had not told her what was really wrong with Louise and when she had asked him straightforward, he had just refused to answer. So she was not sure what kind of situation she was about to find when she finally got to meet the girl.

Rachel was preparing some food for the ride to Ft. Laramie as all these worries crossed her mind. Somebody clearing their throat behind her snapped her out of the reverie, and as she turned round, she saw her husband smiling at her.

"Ready?" he asked her.

She nodded, happy to see him smile despite everything, and taking his hand, she let him steer her out of the kitchen and towards the yard where the buckboard was ready. The riders and Teaspoon were waiting to see them off. It was early in the afternoon. They would arrive in Ft Laramie late in the day and would spend the night at a hotel. The following morning they would pick Louise up and return to the way station around dinner time. They had talked about it, and thought it would be better if they did not have to spend the night out in the open with the young girl.

Boggs helped Rachel up on the wagon and after saying good-bye he urged the horse forward and began their trip.

Rachel was having a delicious time. She and Boggs had agreed not to talk about the matter at hand and to revel in their time together. She had welcomed this little truce with great pleasure. John had been in a terrible mood for days long and now he seemed more relaxed and cheerful. He was even making jokes and teasing her. This was the man she had married and missed on the last days. Rachel wished this trip would last much longer and cursed the reason that had lately changed her husband into a completely different person. The station mistress knew she was being selfish and unfair. She did not know the girl and was just beginning to dislike her for the effect she had over John. _"Stop it, Rachel!"_ she thought, _"shame on you. Give the girl an opportunity"_. However, she couldn't avoid the feelings stirring in her.

Rachel was quite curious what Louise would look like. The images that crossed her mind were nothing good. She had never met anybody with this kind of problem but knew what drinking did to people's minds. She herself had been a victim of this terrible pest and had also seen how her mother, another victim of alcohol, had withered to nothing. She remembered clearly her blank look, her bulging eyes and her senseless wanderings. At the end she had reached such a condition that she had not been able to recognize her own daughter. This image haunted Rachel and was afraid of what she might encounter when she met Louise. Boggs noticed the change in his wife's demeanor and asked her if she was fine. She just smiled at him and began talking teasingly about their plans for the night in town.

* * *

_Ft. Laramie, the following day_

Rachel and Boggs stopped the wagon in front of the building where the letter said Louise was staying. The building was tall and impressive. It was an old military hospital but it looked more like a prison than a place for the sick. Rachel did not like the look of the building, and wanted to get away from here as soon as possible.

Rachel had felt her breath stop as soon as they had caught sight of the building. The feeling of uneasiness had come from the moment she had woken up in the morning. She knew she was being stupid. There was nothing to be afraid of, but the way her husband had reacted and his words about Louise made her fear the worst. But what possibly could go wrong? It was true that it was a great responsibility, scary indeed. She had taken care of many people throughout her entire life, her mother, her late husband, the riders, the children. She had a natural maternal instinct, but now she would have to deal with somebody who perhaps would be hard to control. She did not know what it would be like and it upset her more than she was ready to admit. Besides, the fact that her husband kept avoiding telling her about the girl's condition did not sit well with her at all. She did not want to push him, and perhaps the reason why he did not tell her was that he was as ignorant as her. He had not seen his daughter for four years and Rachel supposed he had not been too eager to being updated about the girl's situation.

Rachel smiled as she remembered their night together in town. They had had a romantic dinner at the hotel restaurant and afterwards they had walked hand in hand under the stars. She had felt over the moon as if she were free from all problems. Then back in their hotel room they had enjoyed a night full of love and passion.

As the couple stopped in front of the hospital, they descended from the wagon and Boggs squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"You'd better wait here," he said.

"Why?" she stuttered, not happy about his request.

"I think it will go better if she sees me alone," he explained.

"Oh, I see," she agreed, and nodded in understanding.

Rachel watched her husband head towards the entrance of the building and ask something to the private who was posted by the door. The soldier motioned him to go inside. Then Rachel watched him disappear through the huge wooden door. She stood there wriggling her hands in a gesture that gave her fears and impatience away, but she could not help it. This situation was totally unnerving, and the thought of two whole weeks ahead with this uninvited guest made her even more jittery.

Boggs knocked at the door of Dr Stevens' office. The sentry had told him that he was in charge of the "special additions" to the hospital. He heard a "come in" from inside and stepped in.

Behind an oak-wooden table the army doctor was sitting among a pile of documents. He was a middle-aged man and had the appearance of a man who had seen everything under the sun. An experienced army officer. His countenance was hard and inflexible, which reminded him more of a sergeant than of a doctor. Boggs introduced himself to the doctor and explained the reasons for him to be there while the physician watched him scornfully.

"I thought you would never come," he grumbled. "All the others are gone and she's the only one left." He talked with the venom of a snake. "People tend to think that the army is devoted to charity. This hospital is aimed to keep our courageous soldiers alive and healthy and when a bunch of idiots take up the rooms and space that should be saved for our brave men, it's something intolerable."

Boggs listened silently to the doctor's harangue. At a first glance he had not liked the man at all and his words had just confirmed his initial impression. Now all he wanted was to kick the doctor hard, leave the place and forget about the whole issue. But no, he had to bite his tongue, listen to this stupid man, and then play the role of a concerned father. He cursed himself inwardly for his bad luck. Why couldn't things stay the way they had been just a few days before?

"Where's my daughter?" he asked.

Doctor Stevens motioned for him to follow. They stepped out of the room and crossed a yard where several wounded soldiers could be sighted: Some were walking on crutches, others sitting in the sun and a few of them engaged in conversation. The doctor and Boggs went up some stairs that led to a very long corridor. They walked along the passage and after passing a dozen doors they stopped before one. The doctor took a key from his jacket pocket and unlocked the door.

"She's in there," he said gruffly. "Now you can take care of your business and leave. You know the way."

After these authoritative words, the doctor turned around and left Boggs in front of the door. The banker watched as the doctor reached the stairs and disappeared from his view. Boggs diverted his gaze to the door in front of him, and looked at it carefully, and after a few minutes he took the knob and turned it. The door clicked open and Boggs pushed it slowly as he entered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V**

Boggs entered the room very slowly. There were no windows in sight and the only visible light came from a lamp which was hung by the door. At the end of the room there was an old rickety bed. Boggs squinted his eyes to adjust them to the lack of light. He looked around the room and focused his eyes on the lone figure sitting on the edge of the bed.

There she was. Louise. She had not noticed his presence yet, and Boggs took his time to examine her carefully. Her eyes were looking down at her lap. In the dim light she seemed like something unreal, like a vision. Boggs watched her intently. She had grown up into a young woman. She was definitely not the thirteen-year-old girl, who he had last seen. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a plait that reached her waist, and she was wearing men's clothes, a shirt and pants. They were too big for her, at least two sizes, which gave her an awkward appearance. At that moment he saw Louise turn her brown eyes towards the door where he stood, and stared at him.

* * *

From her permanent position on the bed Louise heard the door being unlocked. She groaned inwardly. She hated this place even more than the asylum, if it was possible, especially the people and the way they treated her. Not that in the asylum she was treated very well, but at least they let her be most of the time and she did not have to bear the continuous displays of contempt and scorn that the doctors at this hospital granted her.

After the sound of the door, she faintly heard somebody come in but she continued in the same position and could not bother to look up. She was not going to deign to notice whoever it was. At least, she still had some of her dignity intact. All she hoped was that whoever had come would hurry and finish what he needed to do. Perhaps it was that awful doctor, who had made clear from the beginning what he thought about the relocated internees in the hospital. His words had been anything but kind. And on the last few days things had been even worse as he had continuously reminded her about her loneliness, the disdain that everybody felt for her, her unworthiness. She was all alone in this place, everybody else was at home with relatives or friends but she knew nobody would come for her or care for her.

After a few minutes of silence she began getting nervous. She noticed the person was staring at her. What was he doing? What did he want? Slowly she looked up to the man at the door and to her surprise she met those eyes that she had thought she would never see anymore.

* * *

They stayed staring at each other for some minutes in silence. Hundreds of thoughts were crossing Louise's mind and she felt her heart beating wildly. Slowly she got up from her position on the bed and approached the man warily. The tears sprang to her eyes as she saw that her eyes were not playing tricks. It was real; her father was there and he had come for her.

"You came!" she managed to say. "You came!" She kept repeating the same two words over and over until she was barely a few feet from him. Feeling close to what anybody could consider 'contentment' Louise threw her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. She felt so happy and nothing else mattered in that moment.

Boggs, though, stiffened when she felt her body touch his. The memories overwhelmed him, and his irritation escalated by the minute. Without contemplations he shoved her away roughly and slapped her face with the back of his hand. Hurt Louise brought her hand to her sore face and fixed her eyes on him.

"Don't get me started with your foolishness!" he said harshly. "Don't think I came willingly. That's far from the truth. The damned army gave me no option. I couldn't care less what happens to you, but you as usual had to cause trouble. And now erase that stupid expression off your face and get going."

Louise didn't say a word. She listened to her father's harangue and memories of her childhood rushed to her mind. She had heard him bellowing at her thousands of times, hurting her with unkind words; his harshness now was not new to her. Yet, Louise did not dwell on the feeling. She had heard his last words and that was what it mattered. _"Get going,"_ she repeated mentally. At last. She was leaving this place, she was going home, or at least, a place she could call home. She would stop living that lifeless existence just for a while but it would be enough. She would feel again, it was what she had been longing for all these years, feeling, something that was almost dead in her.

* * *

Rachel paced up and down before the hospital while frantically wriggling her hands. She had been waiting in front of the hospital's entrance for half an hour and wondered what could be taking her husband so long. She caught a glimpse of the soldier by the door who tried to stifle a smile. _"You're giving a real pretty show, Rachel!"_ she thought wryly, then gave the young sentry a half-smile and came to lean against the wagon.

The woman stopped her frenetic behavior for a few minutes and watched the people going in and out of the huge building. Most of them were privates or army officers. She also saw some women, probably mothers, daughters or wives of the wounded or sick soldiers. Some had grieving expressions and Rachel felt herself reflected in them. Every time one of the boys came home injured, her heart seemed to stop and until they did not make a full recovery, she could not feel at ease again. They were like her own kin, and even though they actually did not share blood, she felt like they really were part of her family.

After spending several more moments watching people going by, her heart jumped as she spotted her husband coming towards her. He walked decidedly but she could not make out the expression of his face. Rachel scanned behind him and saw a gawky and runty figure trying to keep up with him. From her position she could not tell whether it was a boy or a girl. The person was wearing a big hat that hid their face and clothes than hung loosely.

Boggs finally came to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at his sweet gesture, but almost jumped out of her skin when he turned and barked, "Louise! Get a move on! We are already running late and won't waste more unnecessary time because of your stupidity!"

Louise quickened her pace and came to them breathlessly. She muttered an apology and kept silent as she watched the pair expectantly. Rachel took her time studying the girl. She had a nice-looking face with big brown eyes and petite features. Her auburn hair reached her waist in a plait. Rachel thought that in spite of her unappealing attire, she was a beautiful girl.

What actually caught Rachel's attention was the girl's wide smile and her eyes shining with seeming joy. The station mistress had been intrigued about her husband's daughter from the first moment she had known about her existence and she had racked her brains trying to imagine what the young girl would look like. Thousands of images had appeared on her mind, but never had she expected her to be like this. The station mistress had thought that she would be meeting a embittered woman or at least somebody whose demeanor would be weird or perhaps with a disheveled appearance. Yet, this was not the case at all. Seeing her smile brought some sense of peace to her heart and Rachel noticed that the girl's whole appearance, though strange because of the huge clothes, was tidy and clean. After a few seconds Rachel cleared her throat. "John, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Sure," he answered reluctantly. "Louise, this is Rachel Boggs, my wife."

Louise turned to look at her father with wide eyes. Then her glance turned to Rachel, and they both stared at each other in silence. The station mistress was uncertain of what the girl's reaction would be, which filled her with apprehension, but her fears were put to rest when Louise grinned broadly and exclaimed, "Really?" At Rachel's hesitant nod she continued. "Oh, congratulations! It's really a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Boggs." She spoke excitedly as she shook Rachel's hand vigorously. "I didn't know and it wasn't my intention to act so rudely staring at you like that. Please accept my apologies. Do you have babies too? And do...?"

Rachel chuckled at the sudden outburst from the girl and she was glad that they had started off on the right foot. "One moment," she said, interrupting Louise's excited harangue. "Louise, it's a pleasure to meet you too. There's nothing to apologize for. I can perfectly understand your surprise. And no, we don't have any children yet," she added, looking at her husband sideways, who was busy attending the horses. "We have only been married for two months. And please call me Rachel; we're family, ain't we?"

Louise smiled, thinking that she liked her father's new wife. Her words had been kind and her eyes shone with gentleness. What baffled her completely was when Rachel came and gave her a quick hug. Nobody had shown any kind of affection to her for a long time, and she was totally thrown by Rachel's open attitude. No one had treated her this nice since her mother had died, and in that brief moment Rachel had won her heart completely.

"We'd better get going," Boggs said, irritated at her wife's softness.

"Oh, yeah," answered Rachel. She turned her attention to Louise once again. "Sweetie, where's your stuff?"

"Uh ... I..." Louise stuttered. "I don't have anything. My clothes are under a pile of rubble in the... at home. One night the roof of the right wing caved in, but fortunately we managed to get out. We were all clad in our night's clothes, it was kind of embarrassing," she smiled.

"For God's sake," Rachel exclaimed. "Nobody told us anything about it, did they, John?"

Boggs simply snorted and Rachel glared at him, irritated by his mean behavior. "And these clothes?" Rachel asked pointing at her attire.

"Some ladies from church brought clothes for everybody. Most of them were men's garments, but I wasn't in a position to complain. Seems people in this town have good appetites," she giggled, gesturing and pulling at her loose clothes.

Rachel laughed and kept joking with her. "Well, perhaps I should call you Lou from now on. It fits you more in that attire." Louise grinned, and the blonde woman, added, "Anyway, we'll find something more suitable for you to wear when we get home, all right, Lou?"

"Yes, Ma'am," she chuckled, feeling she liked the name.

Boggs came and shoved Louise towards the back of the wagon. She almost stumbled and fell at his abruptness. "Are you deaf as well as lunatic? Get on the damned wagon?" he growled.

Louise obeyed silently and placed herself on the back end of the buckboard. Despite her annoyance at her husband's rough manners, Rachel did not say a word, and let her husband help her onto the wagon. However, something he had said struck her powefully. She had been so content conversing with Louise that she had forgotten everything that she had previously feared. Her husband's words had made her aware of the situation but not in one single moment had the girl's manners shown anything unusual. She seemed to be a perfectly sane person, but Rachel knew that the story was very different. The station mistress felt she really liked the girl, she was very nice and Rachel was sure she could make good friends with her. Rachel realized that she had no idea about this kind of illnesses, and that worried her. When they got home, She would have to talk to John because she needed to know how to treat Louise. Despite the good start, Rachel still felt a bit uneasy about the whole situation. She had no idea what she could expect from somebody that seemed to be completely normal.

Rachel sensed her husband sitting next to her and grabbing the reins. He smiled in her direction, and she smiled back forgetting her initial irritation. He urged the horse forward and they began their trip back home.

* * *

The drive from Ft. Laramie was going smoothly, Rachel pondered as they made a stop to water the horse and have a short rest. Louise had been jabbering away all the time. She had talked about the beauty of the landscape, the feel of the wind on her face, the chirps of birds, about everything she saw, heard, or felt. She was excited and looked at everything with wide eyes. Boggs let out some irritated snorts from time to time, and tried to shut her up to no avail. Rachel loved seeing her so enthralled by the scenery, and, sadly, it was clear that she had missed too much in the last four years and she would miss much more in the coming years.

Louise had been a thirteen-year-old little girl when she had to leave her family and accept the asylum as her permanent home. The whole idea horrified and saddened Rachel as she realized that the girl had won her over in just the few hours they had known each other. What she could not understand was the rough treatment that her husband seemed to have reserved for Louise. He was always affectionate and kind to everybody, and this behavior of his was just totally bizarre. He had revealed to her that he had strong suspicions that Louise was not his daughter, but that did not explain his attitude. Lou was a loving girl and, besides, she was sick, which should inspire compassion rather than scorn.

Rachel and Louise were sitting on a log while Boggs had unhitched the horse and taken it to a nearby stream for refreshment. With closed eyes, Louise was reveling in the feel of the fresh breeze and the sun rays on her skin. She was smiling broadly as if she was in total bliss. Rachel watched her attentively and enjoyed seeing her so wrapped up in the surroundings. Then out of the blue and to her astonishment the girl asked her, "Are you scared of being alone with me, Rachel?"

Her words caught the woman off guard, and for a moment, she did not know what to answer. "Why do you ask me that?" Rachel managed to say.

Louise opened her eyes, and turned them to her stepmother. "Well," she said, "you know where I live, and it's not exactly the kind of place I can brag about. People tend to act strangely when they know that you are, uh, 'special'. They treat you as if you were kind of evil. I can understand that you feel compelled to bear my presence being my father's wife and all, but..."

Rachel cut her off before she could say anything else. "Lou…" The young girl smiled at the use of the name. "Just let me ask you something. Do I need to feel afraid of anything?"

Louise looked into her eyes for a few seconds and then answered decidedly: "No."

"That's all I need to know." Rachel smiled. "And I ain't doing this for your father's sake. Seriously, I'd like to be your friend. I don't intend to be your new mother, but perhaps you can see me as an older sister, or just a friend."

Louise grinned broadly and she nodded wholeheartedly. She felt like crying at the kindness of this woman. "I'd love to be your little sister, big sister."

Rachel wanted to know more about her and thought that this could be a good opportunity. Louise had confided her fears to her, and perhaps Rachel would make her open up her heart to her. The station mistress was curious about the reasons she was locked up in an asylum. It was obvious that she did not tally with the image that people had about the mentally disordered. She seemed to beintelligent, sensitive and was easy to talk to.

"And tell me," Rachel began hesitantly, "is...?"

However, she could not finish her question as Boggs returned with the horse and told them to get ready. "I want to arrive home before dinner," he told Rachel. "I hope the boys haven't made a mess of your kitchen," he joked and even laughed for the first time since they had Louise along. Then he turned and started to hitch up the horse to the wagon again.

"Boys?" Louise asked.

"We live at the Sweetwater Way Station," Rachel explained. "I work for the Pony Express as a cook."

"What's the Pony Express?" Louise inquired.

"Oh, the Pony Express is a postal service, you know, mail delivery. In our station there are six riders and Teaspoon, who is the stationmaster and also the marshal of Sweetwater. The riders are the boys John is talking about. They are quite rowdy and not really known for their talents in the kitchen," Rachel chuckled, remembering the last time Teaspoon had tried to prepare dinner.

"You mean that seven men live there?" Louise began in a panic.

Rachel noticed the change in the girl's demeanor and hurried to soothe her fears. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing," Louise said curtly.

"We are friends, remember?" Rachel insisted.

"It's really nothing, Rachel. It's just that the soldiers in that hospital weren't ... really ...uh... nice," Louise stuttered.

Rachel stared at her, expecting her to elaborate, but when the girl did not explain herself further, she said, "Oh, you don't have to worry. They are good boys, honestly, and if they don't treat you with respect, they will have to answer to me," she said decidedly.

Much more at ease Louise readied herself to continue the trip. Nothing or nobody was going to spoil this gift she had been given. To enjoy two weeks of freedom was more than she could have wished for. She did not care what her father would say, how people would treat her. She would have her little freedom and she totally beamed at the thought in anticipation.

* * *

It was in the afternoon when the occupants of the wagon reached the hill from which they could see the windmill of the way station. Rachel sighed relieved and smiled. She was really tired, and she only wanted to sit comfortably at home. She turned in her seat and looked at Louise.

"Here we go," she said. "Welcome to Sweetwater, Lou."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

The wagon pulled to a stop in front of the whitewashed house that Rachel shared with her husband. The yard was deserted and a few horses were grazing in the corral. Boggs helped his wife to get off the buckboard and then the station mistress approached Louise, who was already out of the wagon.

"Welcome to our humble home, Lou," Rachel said. "I hope your stay here will be pleasant. The boys must be in town, you will meet them later."

"Oh, Rachel," Louise exclaimed. "This is so beautiful and peaceful. I'm sure that the surroundings must be lovely too. I'd love so much to stroll around and merge in the beauty of..."

"Stop blabbering and talking nonsense," Boggs cut her off rudely. "Of course you won't be wandering about. The only thing you are going to see is the four walls in your room and you won't go out unless Rachel or I tell you, understand?"

"Yes, sir," Lou muttered, lowering her eyes.

"Why don't we go inside?" Rachel stepped in, trying to calm down her husband's foul mood. "Louise, I'll show you the house, your room and I'll give you something to wear. I think I have something that will fit you."

Louise smiled and followed her father and Rachel to the house. The station mistress showed her around, and Lou changed into a white blouse and a blue skirt that had belonged to Rachel when she was younger.

"You look beautiful," Rachel said as she saw Lou descending the stairs in her new attire. Boggs kept silent, staring at the girl in very obvious disdainful way. The station mistress decided not to pay him any heed. She was tired of this attitude of his but she was not going to let him make her angry.

"Thank you, Rachel," Lou said shyly. "You're very kind to me." Then she added hesitantly. "And ... when am I going to see Jeremiah and Theresa? They must be so big. What time do they come back from school?"

Rachel looked at her husband, clueless at what she should say. Louise had not mentioned her siblings on the way to Sweetwater, and Rachel had been caught off guard by her question now. However, she did not have time to react or think of a way to tell her because Boggs broke in. "You won't see them as long as you stay here. What were you thinking? I won't let my children mix with somebody like you," Boggs sneered with the venom of a snake.

Rachel glared at her husband, silently reprimanding him for his lack of sensitivity. In the end, he had done what she had been resisting to: he had made her angry. What was wrong with him? Everything he said was plain cruel and Rachel's heart ached every time she saw the pain in Louise's eyes. She just wanted to kick her husband hard. "Don't you have to go?" Rachel dropped sarcastically, which let him know that she was all but happy.

"Yeah, I'd better go. I've been neglecting my job lately. I'll see you at dinner," Boggs said and tried to kiss Rachel good-bye, but she pulled away irritated. He shook his head at her foolish attitude and left without saying one more word. The woman watched the door close behind him. _Tonight_, she thought, ha! Tonight she was gonna give him a piece of her mind. He was behaving like a spoiled child. Of course Rachel was aware that what Louise represented made his blood boil but he was a grown-up adult, who should be able to control himself better and not pick on a very sick girl. Louise was charming and it seemed that John aimed to make her miserable. The girl was going to stay at the station just for two weeks and he sure could restrain his anger if he wanted to.

"Rachel?" Louise interrupted the station mistress's line of thought.

"Did ... did you say something?" Rachel asked absent-minded.

"Uh... you know you don't have to get on bad terms with my father because of me. He and me have never gotten on very well. I'm used to it," Louise mused sadly.

"Oh, don't worry about us. I'll deal with him later," she soothed, "but now, young lady, it's time for you and me to get acquainted. I'll make some tea and we can have some girl-talk." Rachel smiled. "But first I'd like to check on the boys. I heard them riding back. I won't be a minute."

* * *

When Rachel entered the bunkhouse, all the boys except Kid and Noah were inside. Cody was lying on his bunk blabbering about a local girl, named Abby, he was considering asking to the next dance. Jimmy was cleaning his guns and now and then threw an irritated look to his blonde friend. Buck was sitting on his bunk gazing out of the window absentmindedly, and Ike was carving some seemingly shapeless form in a block of wood. When they heard the door open and saw Rachel come in, they noisily greeted their welcomes to her.

"Gosh, Rachel, I missed you so much," Cody exclaimed.

"Yes, I'm sure you did," Rachel laughed, "especially your stomach."

The other boys chuckled, and the station mistress explained that the trip had been calm and everything had gone fine.

"Is she here? What does she look like?" Cody asked cautiously.

"Yes, Cody, and you will meet her at dinner this evening," Rachel answered patiently.

"Is she going to have dinner here … with us?" Jimmy inquired dumbfounded.

"I thought she was gonna stay in her room all the time," Buck added insecurely.

"Won't it be somehow disturbing for her if she eats with so many of us here?" Ike signed.

Rachel was infuriated at the boys' reactions. Deep inside, she knew that her first response to the news of Louise's existence had been much the same as the riders'. Everybody usually reacted to the unknown with fear; preconceived images and prejudices made people act blindly. Yet, now she had realized that she had been very unfair to Lou. She had judged the girl before she had even met her, and although she barely knew her stepdaughter, Rachel could say that she had been wrong in her opinions about Louise. She was a good-hearted girl who life had not treated kindly, and for that reason she felt a strong bond had formed between them in just this short time.

"Of course she's coming to dinner," she snarled. "What do you think she is? She is not some wild animal to be kept in a cage. She won't bite you. You're such a bunch of ignorant fools!"

Rachel stopped her dressing down when the door opened and Teaspoon stepped in. She looked at him and her anger blew over. The riders took this distraction of her to creep out of the bunkhouse and continue their unfinished chores. "Well, well, well, I thought I'd heard the melodious voice of Rachel Boggs," Teaspoon snickered. "What has this group of boys done this time to get you so riled up?"

"It's ... it's really nothing, Teaspoon," she said, forgetting her initial anger.

"Is everythin' all right, Rachel?" Teaspoon asked worriedly. "It's understandable to be tense after so much strain in the last few days. I assume the trip wasn't so easy either."

"Oh no, Teaspoon, nothing like that," she hurried to assure him. "Everything is fine, really. We didn't have any problems and Louise..." she hesitated.

"What's wrong with her… you know, apart from the obvious?" Teaspoon asked.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just that she confuses me," she confessed.

"Confuses you?" Teaspoon echoed.

"Well, she's nothing like I imagined she'd be. She is a real charming girl, and she doesn't seem insane in the least to me," Rachel explained.

"By experience I know that mental matters can be somethin' deeper. A person's mind is really a mystery; it's somethin' that not even modern science has managed to unravel."

"I know that and it scares me," she sighed. "And at the same time seeing her saddens me. She's really a nice girl and seems to have many good qualities. She's the kind of girl that any young boy would want to court. If she wasn't in the situation she is in, I'm sure boys would form in line for her. Life just ain't fair."

"It never is, Rachel, it never is," Teaspoon said as he rose to his feet and walked out of the bunkhouse leaving the station mistress deep in thought.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kid had arrived from his ride. He passed the pouch to Ike and pulled the horse to a stop in front of the corral, where Cody and Jimmy were repairing the fence again.

"How was your ride, Kid?" Jimmy asked.

"Tiring," Kid said. "Is Rachel home?"

"Yeah," Cody answered. "But better keep away from her, she's in a foul mood."

"Can't wait. I need to give her something," Kid said, heading towards Rachel's two-storied house with decisive steps.

"She ain't there!" Cody bellowed after him, but Kid was already out of earshot and his words vanished in the air.

The Southerner reached the door and did not care to knock. He was exhausted and dusty from his run so all he wanted to do was to have a shower and lie down on his bunk for the rest of the evening till dinnertime. He would just give Rachel the catalog that she ordered weeks ago and then he would have his rest.

He entered the house decidedly and saw no signs of the station mistress, so he started calling her name. The third time he tried to summon, the name vanished in his lips, and stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the living room. There, sitting on the sofa was the most breathtaking sight that he had ever set eyes on. He could not help but stare at her. She was beautiful...like a vision, an angelic apparition. Kid felt his pulse racing and could not even find his own voice. He knew he was acting like a fool, eying that girl like that but he could not help it.

Louise had expected to see Rachel entering, but instead a boy, apparently of her own age, had stepped into the small lounge. He seemed to be as surprised as she was at not seeing the blonde station mistress there. Lou had been afraid of men all her life but for some strange reason she did not feel any fear at the sight of this young man. The boy remained silent and just kept staring at her. She should be feeling uneasy, she thought, at this man's scrutinizing eyes, but she wasn't. She smiled and looked straight at him. His eyes were as blue as a summer's sky and seemed to call her. Louise was becoming nervous at all the new sensations emerging inside her. Her heart was beating wildly and her hands were sweating profusely. She was sure that her voice would quiver if she tried to talk.

Kid saw her smile and thought it was divine, a piece of heaven. He was strangely mesmerized by her but he managed to smile back. He did not know who this girl was, but he was determined to find out. He wanted to get to know her, to learn about her. These strong and sudden feelings scared him, he was not the kind of person to rush decisions, but instead think everything over, but it had taken just one second to convince himself that she was a very special person he wanted to know. After a few minutes he managed to find his voice.

"Uh... I was looking for ...uh... Rachel," he stuttered.

"Oh," she said hesitatingly, "she will come back in a second."

Kid thought that her voice was angelical. Just the sound of it sent a series of tingling sensations down his spine. He realized that he was smiling and staring at her like a fool, but he seemed unable to control his own body and reactions. Finally, he clumsily stretched his arm to her. "My… my name is Kid, well, not my real name, but it's what people call me," he grinned.

"Nice to meet you, Kid," she said shaking his hand. Barely had she touched him that she felt her cheeks burning, and brusquely let go of him. Her eyes lowered in embarrassment and she giggled nervously.

"You see," he never gave it a second thought to what he was going to say and his words were out of his mouth in a flash, "Do you know about the social on Saturday, Miss..." He stopped and chuckled at himself, realizing that he did not even know her name. There he was, ready to ask a girl who he had met a few seconds ago to the dance and had not even cared for her name.

"Oh," she giggled. She scolded herself mentally for her stupidity. _Louise_, she told herself, _in real life when you are introduced to somebody, people usually say their own names_. "My name is..." She did not get to finish as the door opened and Rachel entered the room.

"Oh, Kid, nice to see you back" she asked. "How was your ride?"

"Fine." he said without averting the eyes from the girl. "Ah I almost forgot, here's the catalog you ordered last month, Rachel," he added handing her the parcel.

"Why, the mail service is real fast and effective," she joked as she run her hand over the package surface. Then he turned her eyes, and noticed the Southerner's eyes on the girl. "Kid, I see that you have already met Louise."

"Louise?" Kid turned to Rachel and asked her in obvious surprise, his eyes as big as saucers. Then the truth struck him like a ton of bricks. "You're Mr. Boggs's daughter?"

Louise nodded and looked down forlornly. _He knows, he knows,_ she kept repeating inwardly. For some strange reason, deep sadness started growing within her and she wanted to cry. For just a few minutes she had felt like a normal person, like a normal seventeen-year-old girl, not like the freak she felt every day. This boy had treated her in the same way as she had seen some wardens treat the nurses in the asylum. Kid had acted in the same nervous way, fidgeting and fumbling for words, and she had really liked it. Now that he knew who she was he would treat and look at her exactly like everybody normally did. Louise hated the look… that compassionate, pitiful look, which made her feel like a monster, a hellish creature that spoiled everybody's small perfect world.

She could hear Kid talking, but his words were dumb to her ears. She could imagine what he might be saying, without actually hearing any sounds. An apology for sure. But why apologize? She wanted to shout. For not treating me like a freak, for being nice, for noticing me?

Oblivious to Lou's internal thoughts, Kid was trying to digest what had just happened. He had been flirting with a girl who was ... not fine. He had been a fool. He knew Rachel would be arriving with her today; it had been the main subject of conversation for the last days, but the thought that this girl and the poor mental woman of the asylum were the same person had never crossed his mind.

"Oh Rachel," he said hesitantly. "I had forgotten that Miss Louise was coming home today." Then he addressed her but he was not sure she was paying him any attention since her eyes were downcast, and did not lift when he spoke. "It is a real pleasure to meet you, Miss Louise. I hope your stay here will be as enjoyable as possible." He smiled at her but her eyes were still lowered. The three of them stayed in silence for a few seconds, and then Kid decided to leave.

"It's just Louise," Lou blurted out suddenly. "I detest the 'Miss' part."

Kid turned round surprised and grinned broadly at Rachel. "Nice to meet you, Louise."

Then he tilted his hat to the ladies and left. Rachel was a bit confused. Lou's low spirits were more than evident, and she did not know what had caused this sudden change of mood in the girl. She had been cheerful during the whole trip in spite of her father's snide remarks, imperturbable to his hurtful words. But all of the sudden her mood had changed, seemingly by the presence of Kid, who she had just met. Rachel doubted that Kid had intentionally hurt the young lady; he was a sensible boy and was always polite and considerate, but she had thought the same about her husband, and she had been totally disappointed during the trip.

"Are you fine, Lou? You seem a bit upset," Rachel inquired, unable to control her curiosity any longer.

Louise snapped out of her mood and scolded herself for her foolishness. Why was she so distraught? She was aware of what people thought about her and long ago she had steeled herself against those remarks, whisperings and looks. Yet, here she had tried to play the role of a "normal" girl and had been really upset that this boy had discovered that she was not what he thought she was. She had been hurt and disappointed, and to her chagrin both Kid and Rachel had noticed it.

"Oh yes, I'm fine, Rachel. It's just that I'm a bit tired because of the long trip," she lied.

"Are you sure?" Rachel insisted. "Did Kid say or do something that upset you? You can tell me. I'm not going to let any of the boys to treat you any way but with respect."

"Oh no, he didn't do anything," Lou panicked. She did not want to cause the boy any trouble just for being polite. "He seems very amiable. I'm just dead tired. Everything is new and exciting, and it really overwhelms me. Can we skip tea for another occasion? I need to rest for a few minutes."

Rachel was not convinced but she decided to let it pass. Perhaps these mood changes were something normal in her, something usual due to her problems. "Sure, honey. You have your rest now and then I'll come for you when dinner is ready."

Louise sighed relieved. Rachel had not insisted, but she knew that the station mistress had not bought her lie. She was a terrible liar, but she did not want Rachel to know what thoughts had crossed her mind. If she knew she would pity her even more for sure, and Louise did not want anybody's pity. She was fed up with rudeness and compassion. She just wished she could talk to somebody on a level, to act freely with no complications. But sadly she was aware that this was impossible, nobody would see her as anything but a poor lunatic. Nothing else but that.

* * *

Kid lay on his bunk and could not help thinking about what had just happened in Rachel's house. _What a fool!. What the hell were you thinking?_ he thought. He usually acted sensibly and thought everything through. Even the riders mocked him because he was too levelheaded. They used to tell him to act more spontaneously, and look what he had done for just following their advice once. He was quite shaken by the whole incident. He had been about to ask that girl to the dance. _She's a sick girl_, he reminded himself. But deep inside, he knew that something had happened within him that baffled him. That instant attraction he had felt was so new to him, and Kid wondered how that had been possible. _I'm just tired_, he mused, _and after that terrible ride surely any girl can make you feel weird_.

Kid tried to convince himself that his tiredness was the explanation to that sudden attraction. But why couldn't he stop thinking of her? She looked so beautiful; she had been like a vision, a magical vision. He could recall every feature of her. He had been mesmerized by her, and had imprinted her image in his mind: her long hair, those big brown eyes, her cute nose and her lips. How would it feel to kiss her lips, to run your hands through her hair, to touch her soft skin? _Stop it_, Kid chided himself. _What the hell are you doing?_ It's not right to think of her like this. What was wrong with him? _You can't fantasize about Louise in this way, it ain't right, he kept repeating mentally._

Kid told himself he would try to keep away from her; he would follow Cody's words from the other night. Of course, Cody's reasons were quite different. But perhaps he was just making too much fuss about something that surely was not so important. He had just reacted to a pretty face; it was just a normal reaction from a man. Yes, that must be what had happened to him. He wouldn't have any further problems with her, he could control his impulses and now that he knew she was abnormal, there wouldn't be further misunderstandings. He smiled at himself as he reached this conclusion, and sighed relieved. _Now go to sleep, you idiot_, he ordered. Feeling somewhat calmed he fell asleep in no time, but without even being aware of it his dreams filled by images of a girl with big brown eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

Kid woke up to the sound of scampering feet coming for dinner. He blushed as he remembered the dream he had just had and with a groan he clumsily got up from his bunk. Rachel was finishing preparing the chicken and the riders were already sitting round the table. On one side sat Cody and Buck, engaged in a conversation with Jimmy, who was on the other side. Boggs had also come from town and was standing next to Teaspoon, who was showing him something a story in a local paper. Kid came and sat next to Jimmy.

"Did you sleep well, Kid?" Cody asked, a sarcastic smile showing in his face.

"Yeah, very well, thank you," Kid said curtly. He did not want to talk about his nap, and least of all discuss his disturbing dreams.

"I'm sure he slept very well," Jimmy sniggered. "He was smiling happily. Who was the girl you were dreaming about, Kid? Was it that beauty you met last week?"

"I wasn't dreaming about anybody," Kid answered gruffly, somewhat annoyed by the direction the conversation was taking.

"Come on, Kid, who is she?" Buck insisted.

"It is nobody," Kid bellowed, getting shocked looks for his fellow riders. They were surprised he reacted so harshly to their banter. Kid was always calm and hardly ever lost his temper despite their teasing.

"Calm down, Kid," Jimmy said. "We were just pulling your leg. No harm intended."

Realizing that he had flown off the handle without apparent reason, Kid hurried to apologize to his friends. "Sorry, boys." He was really having a foul day, first his blunder with the girl and now snapping at his friends. "I guess I just got up on the wrong side of the bed."

Boggs and Teaspoon took their seats at both ends of the table when Rachel began serving the meal. She had to swat Cody's hand when he tried to dig in as soon as he had been served. "Not yet, Cody," she scolded. "We have a guest, remember?"

Cody let out an unhappy grunt while the others shifted in their seats, uneasy about the situation. Kid hoped that perhaps he would not have to see Louise tonight if the riders did not welcome her presence. Maybe Rachel would make her stay in the house, and he would be glad not to have to face her and his strange feelings, but deep inside he was longing to see her again. _Shame on you, Kid,_ he mused regretfully, _you're a selfish creep that only cares about your own benefit. What a great idea! Leave that poor girl locked up so that you can't be bothered. You can as well wish she disappeared completely and vanished into thin air._

"Stop your moanin', Cody, and change those expressions, boys," Teaspoon said, "This is the first time that you complain about meetin' a girl."

"Well, she's not _any_ girl, you know, Teaspoon," Cody whined. "And where is she? She'd already be here; I'm starving."

"I'll fetch her in a moment," Rachel said, looking daggers at Cody, "and I hope I don't need to remind you how real gentlemen behave, all right?"

"Rachel," Boggs interrupted her. "Maybe it's not such a good idea that she dines here with us. The boys feel uncomfortable and they have a right to oppose it. It's their home and they have a say in this. Just save her some food, and she can eat later in her room."

"John, no," Rachel said angrily, "It's my home too and I have a say too. They won't lose a hand or a leg just for having dinner with Louise. But they probably will if they keep this childish attitude." Rachel stopped to catch her breath, and added, "I refuse to treat her differently from any other visitors we've had at the station because she's part of this family. How would you feel, John, if people, if your family kept you hidden in a dark corner as if you were some kind of monster?"

"She doesn't care, Rachel! She's used to it," Boggs replied, tired of his wife's stubbornness. "How do you think she was treated in the asylum? And she is different, whether you like it or not."

"Well, she ain't in the asylum now," Rachel was not to be convinced. She was indignant at the attitude of all these men. "I'll bring her in a moment, and that's my final decision" she said slamming the door behind her.

The group of men remained silent. They looked at each other and dared not say a word, feeling guilty for sparking the argument between Rachel and her husband.

"John, Rachel is right," Teaspoon started. "We always treat everybody comin' to the station with respect, and this ain't gonna be an exception. She's family and there's nothin' else to talk about, is there, boys?"

The riders nodded reluctantly and looked down sheepishly. They knew that their attitude had been pathetic, and they had no excuses.

"Rachel has taken a sudden and strange liking to Louise," Boggs explained. "I have the impression that she thinks Louise is a normal girl and I'm afraid she's gonna be greatly disappointed," he sighed.

After a few minutes the door opened and Rachel let herself in. She turned around and addressed her attention towards the door. "Come in, honey," she urged, "don't be shy."

Louise crossed the threshold after Rachel. She looked around sheepishly and saw the group of men sitting at the table, and indiscreetly staring at her. Louise could not help but blush at their attention. Apart from her father and that boy called Kid, there were four other men, three who must be her age and another one who was older. Next to Kid there was a sturdy boy who had long dark hair. He was young but had a strange light in his eyes, as if he tried his outmost to look tough. Across from him was a young man with long, blonde hair and an amusing expression on his face. Sitting next to him there was another boy. He was an Indian and he had a mysterious but kind countenance. Finally, the man at one of the ends of the table had a bright star shining on his chest, and Louise imagined he was the sheriff. Authorities had always inspired apprehensive feelings in her, but when she looked at his eyes and saw pure gentleness in them.

Rachel introduced her to the group. Louise learned their names: Jimmy, Cody, Buck, and Teaspoon, who was the stationmaster. She acknowledged them politely and when her eyes fell on Kid, they lingered there a bit longer. He looked away and Louise felt her cheeks turn red, but fortunately for her, nobody noticed.

"There are two other riders, Ike and Noah, but they are away on a ride," she heard Rachel say. "You will meet them tomorrow."

Kid was having a hard time trying to cope with the sensations that just her presence caused in him. _Get a grip of yourself_, he chided himself. _This is wrong and you know it._ He had a strong pull to look at her but he fought stubbornly against his own desires because he was sure that with just one look he would give himself away. Therefore, he busied himself with his plate and his food. He was not especially hungry and the situation did not help his appetite.

Rachel had steered Louise to the table and they had sat across from Kid and Jimmy. All of them began eating in silence, but her father's voice disturbed it. "No knife for her," he told Rachel, who was handing Louise the cutlery at that moment.

Rachel looked at her husband questioningly, and he just shrugged his shoulders. Louise smiled at her and taking just the spoon from her she began eating the stew. "Oh, Rachel, this is delicious," Louise jabbered. "I'm sure that I've never had anything so tasty. This is just a piece of heaven. I usually don't enjoy this kind of luxuries. In the asylum the cook..."

"Stop blabbering," Boggs cut her off in an authoritative tone. "I had to stand your disturbing voice all the way from Ft Laramie. Are you planning to make dinner a miserable event too?"

Louise felt her cheeks flamed with shame and voiced an apology. In silence, she lowered her eyes and focused her attention on the food.

"John, let the girl speak," Teaspoon said. "We have to bear Cody's big mouth every day and hearin' the voice of this beautiful lady is sure a change for the better."

Louise smiled at Teaspoon thankfully and felt much more at ease. With these words the tension in the room began to fade. The boys began to banter mostly at Cody's expense, and Louise found herself enjoying listening to this peculiar group of people, and even had to giggle a few times.

Rachel was thankful that the boys had returned to their normal selves. She was aware that they were still cautious, but at least they did not show any clear signs of refusal. Lou was a nice girl and Rachel wanted her to feel at home for as long as she stayed at the station. The station mistress was still having an internal fight regarding her husband's attitude. He was acting like never before, so mean and heartless, and she did not know what to think about it. What she knew for sure was that tonight after dinner she would have a long talk with him.

Teaspoon was telling a story about his days as a Texas Ranger, and the riders listened to him half-heartedly. They had heard the same story dozens of times, but Louise hung on Teaspoon's every word. She was really impressed, and deep down, she felt jealous of the man. It was obvious he had a life full of events and though the situations he had been in had not been very nice at times, he seemed to have enjoyed every single second of them. Lou would never be able to catch a single glimpse of anything similar. She did not have any control about what she would like to do with her life. What she longed most was to feel free and make her own decisions, but her life was already planned and she knew exactly what to expect. Naturally, she wasn't 'normal', she had heard those words for too long, and was more than aware that her father would never let her leave the asylum. His feelings were crystal clear to her and it did not take a genius to realize that her being here was annoying him in the extreme. Perhaps if she tried real hard not to act funny, as he called it, he would reconsider her reclusion in that hole, she thought. But how to do it? What was supposed to be normal?

Louise snapped out of her torpor and realized that the boys were talking and bantering again.. Louise looked at her father, who sat very solemnly at one end of the table and was oblivious of the conversation around him. _He is really upset_, Lou thought. He had not said one single word and she knew why. Then her eyes rested on Kid, who was also silent and was not taking part in the conversation. He looked very uncomfortable and she wondered what was wrong with him. He glanced at her shyly and quickly lowered his eyes.

As the boys' comments registered in her mind, she realized they were talking about the next social in town. It was then that it dawned on her that during the brief encounter with Kid he had mentioned something about a dance. Now she understood what was wrong with Kid. He was ashamed of what she would think of him after the misunderstanding in Rachel's house. Lou was surely not angry, it had been a kind gesture and she had liked it. If she had any say like any other girl, she would like to enjoy a dance with somebody like him. He seemed sweet, shy and thoughtful, and she was even sure she could easily fall in love with him like those heroines in the novels she had managed to snatch from the nurses back in the asylum. He would make her extremely happy, they would marry and would live happily ever after. But that was not her reality. She wasn't a beautiful heroine, Kid wasn't in love with her and they wouldn't live happily ever after. She just knew perfectly well where she would live miserably ever after.

The boys were still having some kind of argument. Teaspoon was trying to calm them down by giving them his own point of view, but they were not paying him any attention. Louise amusedly watched the exchange and then out of the blue and to everybody's surprise Cody addressed her. "So, Louise, what do you think?"

"About ... what?" she stuttered. She hadn't been paying attention to what they had been discussing and she was at a loss.

"Well, you see, there's a beautiful girl in town. Abby is her name," Cody explained proudly, "and on Saturday there's a social. I'd like to take her to the dance but she seems reluctant and keeps coming up with excuses. How do you think I can change her mind? You, as a girl, what would you think?"

"Just tell her you won't go to the social. Then she would go for sure," Jimmy guffawed.

"Shut up, Hickok. Who's asking you?" Cody snarled, and turning back to the girl, he said, "What do you think, Louise?"

"I... I don't know," she said hesitantly.

"Please just tell me what you would wish a man, your man, did for you," Cody pleaded.

"Well, let me think," she said and kept silent a few seconds considering Cody's question. "If that man wanted to change my mind about him, I guess I'd appreciate some other approach… something that showed his patience, and with time I'd know he really appreciates me."

Cody cackled at Lou's answer. "I can't do that. The social is on Saturday! Didn't you hear me well, or are you just plain crazy?"

The moment the careless words left his mouth everybody around the table gasped, which made Cody realize what he had said, and more importantly, who he had said that to. This time he had really put his foot in it, deeply indeed, and he tried to express an apology but he couldn't find the words. The room was deadly silent and the tension was palpable. Louise was staring at him and he felt his cheeks go red.

"I... I ... I," he tried to say, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"Uhm," Lou began after a while, "Cody, yes, I'm afraid I am crazy or so they say. Why do you think I live in an asylum?" Then she started giggling hysterically to everybody's surprise. "This is the funniest thing that anybody has ever told me," she managed to say as she doubled up with laughter.

Little by little, the rest joined her mirth as they understood the absurdity of the situation. Even Cody, who had overcome the initial embarrassment, was chuckling. Just Boggs kept impassible at the end of the table, and kept sneering at the girl, a fact which did not go unnoticed by Rachel.

* * *

Later in the evening Rachel was sitting on the swing of her porch. The riders were finishing their last chores before calling it a day, Teaspoon had gone to town for the night watch, and Lou was already in her room. Boggs had unsubtly dismissed her from the bunkhouse as soon as dinner was over.

Rachel thought with a smile that dinner had gone quite well. The boys had been rather tense at the beginning, but Teaspoon had helped to relieve the tension. He understood people better than anybody else, Rachel thought, and was a great help with the boys, and tonight he had been her savior as far as Louise was concerned. Things had completely eased with the incident that Cody's big mouth had caused. Rachel had been scared, she had to admit, of Lou's reaction, but it has been just an overreaction, and she hoped this had shown the boys and herself that they had all been prejudiced against the girl unfairly.

_And John_, she thought angrily. John had kept the same nasty behavior towards Louise as he had no shame to display since they left For Laramie. Rachel was tired of his rude remarks and his lack of consideration. She understood that he was upset, the situation was not a piece of cake, but he was not making it any easier.

Rachel's line of thought was interrupted as she noticed a presence by her side. She turned her eyes and saw her husband looking at her with an amusing expression. _What is it so funny?_ she thought somewhat irritated. She stared back at him moodily and could tell he was in a good temper for a change, which surprised her greatly, given the irritable mood he had been in during dinner.

"What is that beautiful head of yours thinking?" Boggs asked. "I have been sitting here for five minutes and you haven't noticed me at all."

"Actually," Rachel said, "I was thinking about you." Boggs smiled at her answer, but holding up her hand, she continued. "Erase that smile of your face. They weren't nice thoughts."

Boggs exhaled tiredly. He was well aware where this conversation was heading and he did not feel like it. Things between Rachel and him had been perfect since the beginning. They had hardly had an argument, but since Louise appeared, they had continuously been arguing and just because of that damned girl. She was like some kind of curse that he had to endure. In these four years, he had thought that he had gotten rid of her but to his chagrin he had been wrong. There she was and just her presence woke the worst feelings in him. He became a different person and he knew it.

"Something wrong?" he asked with a tinge of annoyance.

"Something wrong?" Rachel blustered. "How would you call your behavior towards Lou? You were rude, obnoxious, unkind, and cruel. I felt totally ashamed of your attitude"

"You know this isn't easy for me," Boggs defended himself. "You know how I feel about her. She reminds me of all the regrets in my life: an unfaithful wife, an unwanted child, and a spot on my reputation."

Rachel looked at her husband sympathetically. She knew he was hurting and her words had been inconsiderate, but however sour he felt, his treatment of Louise had no justification. Nothing that had happened was her fault. Her mother had deceived John, but she couldn't be blamed for her mother's sins. She had been an unwanted child, but she hadn't asked to be brought to this world. And she had turned out to have mental problems and bring shame on Boggs. But who could be blamed for it? Not her, that was sure.

"John," Rachel tried to find the right words. "I understand your pain but you can't hold her responsible for all that. She's just a girl, who life hasn't treated kindly. She might not be your daughter but you're the only father she has known, we're the only family she has. And she must feel terribly lonely. Her head is sick, not her heart, John." Boggs kept silent and looked down. He did not want to talk about this, and he could not promise Rachel anything. He knew that he did not have control over his feelings as far as Louise was concerned. After a few minutes Rachel continued. "She's just staying here for a couple of weeks at most. You stay away and I'll take care of her."

"But..." Boggs protested. He could not let Rachel take all the responsibility, but she would not accept his protests. She liked the girl and she did not think that she would have any problems with her. But there was still something that troubled her and she ventured to share with her husband.

"What's exactly wrong with her, John?"

"Well,..." he began hesitantly, "...er ... she sees things, ... has visions, ... hears things. Also she has these obsessions. But really I'd rather not talk about it."

"Won't she get any better?" Rachel simply asked, not wanting to push him too much.

"No," was the curt answer that he gave her. Then he diverted the conversation to more safe and comfortable issues. Rachel knew that her husband had been quite diffuse in his answers, but at least she was a bit more aware of Lou's problems.

* * *

It was late. Kid was coming out of the barn after checking Katy for the last time of the day when a movement caught his eye. He was certain that it was a person who seemed to be crouching as if to hide in the middle of the yard. Kid did not hesitate to draw his gun, and cocked it. Some stations had recently had problems with rustlers and theirs might be the next aim of the thieves. Kid had only got a glimpse of one person but he knew that there might be more waiting to attack. He did not have time to call the others and hoped that he would be able to manage the situation.

Kid approached slowly, trying not to attract the person's attention. He didn't know if had been spotted but he had no other option; this was a risk he had to run. When he was no more than ten feet the shadowed figure, he lifted his gun and spoke up threateningly. "Don't move an inch. Drop your gun, and I'll reconsider bursting that thick skulk of yours."

Suddenly, a weak voice resounded. "Please, no! Sir, I have no gun." The trembling female voice pleaded with him. "Please don't hurt me."

Kid instantly recognized who the voice belonged to. "Louise?" he asked surprised, as he approached the girl, who was sitting in the darkness in the middle of the yard. "What on earth are you doing here?"

Lou was embarrassed and concerned about what Kid would do. If her father found out that she had snuck out of the house, she'd better steel herself against his anger. She had thought that everybody would be sleeping by now, but seemingly she had been wrong.

"You won't tell my father, will you?" she asked him dubiously. Her eyes were staring at him expectantly as if her life hung on his answer.

"Depends. First tell me what you're doing sitting here in the middle of the yard." Kid was not too eager to tell Boggs anything concerning his daughter. He had seen the way the banker had treated her at dinner, and he had wanted to wriggle the banker's throat every time he had thrown her a nasty remark.

"I... was just..." Louise said sheepishly, "looking at the stars." She paused for a second and then she added, "From the small window of the room in the asylum I usually watch them every night. It's the most beautiful sight that anybody can see. All those millions of tiny lights over our heads... it's the only thing that gives me an immense sense of peace. It's just wonderful, and watching them here in the open is simply spectacular"

Kid smiled at her answer and thought she was so beautiful in the dim moonlight. Her eyes shone with excitement as she talked. He was relieved that there was a logical explanation to her presence here. Louise still stared at him with her big brown eyes waiting for his reaction.

"I won't tell," he finally said. "I swear." He paused, and then blurted out, "Do you mind if I join you?" He did not know why he had told her so, but there and then all he wanted to do was sit by her side in the middle of the yard, watch the stars, and share this intimate minute with her. Louise smiled at him as he sat cross-legged next to her. They remained in silence, just listening to the sounds of the night.

"And why ain't you sleeping like a good boy?" she finally asked, feeling much more at ease.

"I was visiting with Katy," he said, unable to stop smiling. He was feeling as if he had died and gone to heaven.

"Is she your girlfriend?" she asked in a sad tone. She knew she was being foolish but it upset her to know that he might have a girl.

"Katy? Oh no." Kid chuckled. "She's my mare, and she's very special to me." Then he began talking about his beloved horse and how he had won the money to buy her, how he had almost lost her to a stray bullet, and how she was his most trustworthy companion in every ride he took. As he talked, Louise listened to him attentively, enjoying every moment of it. She was relieved that there was no girl whatsoever and felt that she wanted to treasure this moment in her heart. She did not have many opportunities to have a real conversation, and she liked Kid. Her first impression of him was not wrong, and he really was a nice person. Besides, he did not treat her like other people did. He seemed to enjoy her company as well and it had been his choice to sit here with her. They were talking like two old friends, and the thought sent a warming sensation to her heart.

"You are very lucky, Kid," Lou said admiringly. "Riding across the prairie, feeling the wind on your face, and being in completely freedom. I'm sure that at that moment you forget about everything. It's just you and the road ahead. Like now, it's just us and the stars." She whispered these last words like a caress.

Kid smiled and fixed his eyes in hers as she looked back at him. He liked the way she had of expressing everything. She got so excited about the most common things: the meal, the stars, the horses. She was like a little girl seeing the world for the first time. Her brown eyes were like a mirror that could express more than what words could. They were lively but also had a tinge of sadness that Kid wished he could make disappear.

"You're right, Lou. It's really peaceful out here," he managed to say breaking the eye contact.

"I told you," she laughed. She paused for a brief moment, and then she added, "Once I read that our fates are written on the stars. So we must be looking at our destinies right now."

Kid frowned curiously. "Do you actually believe that?"

"Well... yeah. It's a romantic notion and I don't find a reason why it can't be true, do you?" she stated convincingly.

"I don't know, Lou," Kid contradicted her. "I believe that one's fate is just one's doing. I ain't sure about all that stuff about destiny. I think you yourself control your own fate. Life gives you a whole series of options and you're the one to decide. You create your own destiny, nobody but you."

Louise stared at him for a while and as he talked, a blind fury started bubbling inside her. When he stopped, she was seething, and she blurted out. "And what are my damned options, Kid?" Her eyes were glowing with a mixture of rage, sorrow and pain. "Could you honestly tell me what options I have?" she repeated in a loud voice. The shocking expression that he had on his face made her realize she could not stay here any longer. She muttered a quiet 'good-night' and scampered towards the house leaving a confused Kid pondering about her last words.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII**

It was a new brand day and the riders woke up to the greeting morning. One by one the riders dragged themselves out of their bunks, still half asleep. Muttering whines could be heard as they donned their clothes. Kid, however, stayed in his bunk looking absent-mindedly at the ceiling. He had been tossing and turning the whole night. After Louise had left him wondering in the dark, he had gone straight to bed, but he had not been able to get a wink of sleep. Her haunting last words had kept repeating in his mind over and over again.

The Southerner was really angry with himself. He had been a fool, talking about choosing your options and controlling your own destiny. It was certain that she did not have any say concerning her own life and now after his blunder, Kid felt a terrible pain, pain for this girl who would be gone from their lives and forgotten in a breath. He could not understand why everything about her attracted and haunted him so much. He wanted to get rid of these feelings and sensations which emanated from him in her presence, but he seemed unable to do just that. He wanted to scream at his foolishness and kick himself hard. What he felt was wrong, he had kept repeating over and over again since he had met her. She was sick, and although she looked perfectly normal, he knew that there was something wrong inside her mind. Why on earth did he have, from all possible girls, to fix his eyes on her? She had barely been at the station for one day and he was out of his mind, he thought ironically. Perhaps it was that mysterious air that attracted him, or maybe her eyes, those mesmerizing eyes of hers.

Kid was taken out of his deep thoughts as his fellow riders began their usual bantering, this time, at his expense. He was not in the mood to hear any of their wisecracks, so he kept quiet as he finally got out of bed and put on his clothes. He did not want to argue with his friends, and he knew that if he let them bother him, his present temper would take its toll. Kid was feeling really odd, tired and bothered, yes, but there was something else too which he could not put his finger on.

The boys got tired of pestering the unusually silent Kid, and finished getting ready in silence. Then the door opened and Noah, back from his ride, entered. They welcomed him warmly as the black rider left his gear on his bunk. Cody could not resist the temptation of being the first to update him about their 'special' guest. "If you had seen her, Noah," Cody crowed. "She is pretty and can seem normal at first sight. But if you take a second look, nobody could be mistaken about her real personality. It just gives me the creeps to look at those eyes of hers, ugh! I wouldn't turn my back on her for anything."

The riders patiently shook their heads at Cody's antics. He tended to exaggerate everything and invent fantastic stories about his everyday routine. The problem was that he actually ended up believing all the half-truths that he used to tell.

Kid could not bite his tongue when he heard Cody's words. He usually did not care about his friend's exuberance and blabbering. Yet, now he was being rude to Louise by saying all that rubbish. Her life was far too complicated and hard already as it was, and she did not deserve to be slandered like this.

"Cody, that ain't true and you know it," Kid bellowed. "Stop playing the funny fella. It's a person you're talking about and you ain't doing her any good with your foolishness."

Cody was not one to be easily dismissed and retorted to his friend with his particular reasons. "Kid, I'm just stating the facts," he said quite irritated. "She's crazy, that's why she's in an asylum. Gosh, even she admitted it yesterday."

"That's not reason to talk about things you don't know the first thing about," Kid continued. "All I saw was a girl having dinner. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary."

"Have you become her defender all of a sudden?" Cody said sarcastically. He knew that he was being unfair, but Kid's attitude infuriated him in the extreme. It was just boys' talk but Kid had to be so darn responsible and stiff. "So you don't think she's nuts, uh?"

Cody had come closer to Kid and the two riders were glaring at each other while Cody remarked loudly, sarcasm pouring out of his mouth. "You could tell her father about your expertise. The truth is that she's crazy and nobody wants her here. Her father doesn't want her here, we don't want her here, and Rachel ... well, she just pities her."

In that moment the door opened, and Rachel came in followed by Louise. The station mistress had an expression of horror on her face that clearly indicated that she had heard Cody's last words. That meant that the girl had caught wind of it as well. Rachel wanted to wring the blonde rider's neck at his insensibility. Her eyes looked daggers at the rider. Cody remained rooted on his place, totally horrified, but at least he seemed ashamed.

Rachel silently cursed Cody. She was trying so hard to make Lou comfortable and her efforts were useless now. She did not dare to meet the girl's eyes. Lou must sure be feeling rotten, and Rachel did not know what to tell her. What could she do? Apologize for something that somebody else had said? Try to deny what Cody had talked about her?

When Cody had seen the two women enter, he had wanted to vanish into thin air. It was the second time he made a blunder and this time it was worse. He looked down totally humiliated as he could not find the words to get out of the awkward position. Rachel was really angered, he could tell, but he couldn't look at Louise. What he had said was terrible and he cursed himself for his big mouth. It wasn't that he hadn't meant what he had said, but he hadn't meant for her to hear it. He knew that it was true, but also cruel and deeply hurting.

Kid could not believe that Cody had said those mean words, and to top it off, Lou had been heard them. He felt a tug at his heart for the girl. What she had said the night before made him realize that she was fully aware of her situation and her lack of ... everything. He looked straight into her eyes and to his surprise he did not see any sign of hurt, pain or anger. What Kid saw there was just resignation and a deep sadness. He wanted to erase that haunted look, which seemed to be permanent in her, and make her eyes shine like they had last night. He felt the weight of guilt on him as if he somehow had contributed to this result. If he had not begun this argument with Cody, the blonde rider would not have got so riled up and Louise would not have been hurt.

The room was silent and no one dared to say one single word. The tension was thick in the air as they fumbled for the right thing to say. Louise stared back at Kid and to his surprise she smiled, a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. The boys and Rachel got baffled as she turned her attention to Noah and introduced herself to him with all her charm. She acted as if nothing had happened, as if those words had never been pronounced, as if she had not heard a single sound. She even seemed in a cheerful mood and once again, Rachel thought, she had been the one to save the situation.

* * *

After breakfast was over, the riders got ready to begin their chores. Rachel reminded them that they had to go to town for supplies later in the day as they filed out of the bunkhouse. She was clearing the table and tidying the room while Louise was sweeping the floor after she persuaded the station mistress to let her help.

"Lou," Rachel said, "you can come to Sweetwater with me and I'll get you something to wear. Those clothes are a bit too old."

"Oh, it ain't necessary," Louise replied without stopping her movements with the broom. "These are just fine, I don't need anything, honestly."

"It's more than necessary," Rachel wasn't to be discouraged. "Let me do this, please. You need new clothes. You can't have just one dress. What will you do when these garments need washing? Wear those huge pants again?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders and giggled at the reference of the attire she had been wearing when she had first met Rachel. She must really have been a pitiful sight in those masculine clothes. Rachel also laughed and then they continued their work in silence.

Rachel did not know how to do it, but she wanted to talk to Louise about what Cody had said and they had both heard. She needed to bring up the subject and was racking her brain trying to find the right words.

"Lou?" she finally ventured.

"Yes, Rachel?" Louise asked nonchalantly.

Rachel stopped washing up the dishes and came to take a seat at the table. She was still a bit hesitant and took a deep breath.

"Come and sit with me."

Lou left the broom leaning against a wall and took a seat across from her. Rachel kept silent for a few seconds till she mustered all her courage to approach what was worrying her. "Honey, uh... I want us to talk about what Cody said this morning, I..."

"Rachel, there's no need for it." Louise cut her off. "You don't have to say anything. I'm fine."

"Cody talks too much and sometimes he just blurts out the first thing that crosses his mind. He doesn't think about what he's actually saying."

"Rachel, I'm not upset or angry," Lou insisted. "I am no fool and know what people's feelings are. I am well aware that I'm not wanted, my father doesn't want me here and he's having a hard time about it, I know. And I can't expect more from people who don't even know me. I'm a burden, a pain, an annoyance. But I don't care." Her voice was quivering with emotion, and she felt tears pricking her eyes. "Being out here can be something so unimportant for the vast majority, but for me it's my only opportunity in four years, the only opportunity in four long years to feel that I'm really alive, that I'm a person, not just a miserable shadow. And I swear, Rachel, that nobody is going to take that away from me. I don't care what everybody might say, do or feel. This is my time and I ain't gonna let anything or anybody ruin it."

Rachel listened to Lou's words with utter attention. She had never met anybody like her, every side she got to know of her amazed her. Louise was nothing at all what she had imagined her to be.

"You're an incredible woman, Louise McCloud," the station mistress managed to say.

"I'm not..." Louise stuttered but Rachel cut her off.

"And honestly I don't pity you. I really like you and want to make friends with you. We're family, right?"

Louise mouthed a quiet 'thank you' and smiled at Rachel. It was true, they were family and Rachel seemed to care about her. Since her mother had died, Lou had never felt that she belonged to anybody or anything. She was supposedly part of a family, but her siblings were far too young, and her father... was another story. She had known Rachel for just two days, and they did not share any blood, but she had been nicer to her than anybody else. Coming here was the best that could have happened to her, it was a blessed present and as she had told Rachel, she would make sure that she would enjoy it fully.

* * *

Rachel drove the wagon along the streets of Sweetwater, Louise was sitting by her side and behind them the boys were riding their horses. Louise was cheerful and talkative the whole way, which contrasted sharply with the boys' silent demeanor.

Since the morning's incident Cody had been uneasy and cursed himself for his loose tongue. To make two blunders like that was something terrible, but in Lou's case it was twice as worse. The poor girl was demented, and he didn't want to think what must be crossing her mind in these moments. He felt drops of cold sweat running down his forehead as he considered the implications and consequences that his big mouth could bring about.

Cody faintly remembered the plot of a novel that he had read long ago. The plot was about this crazy fella who killed and quartered his folks, without apparent reason. And what he had said to Louise was so cruel and hurtful that could send anybody over the edge. The blonde rider gulped audibly and looked at Lou, who was chatting amicably with Rachel. _She seems strangely happy_, Cody thought. _Surely she must be planning a way to get rid of me and retaliate._ He was convinced he had to do something to make amends for his mistakes. Perhaps he could lure her with his charm, he was popular among ladies and though crazy, Louise was still a woman, wasn't she? Yeah, he would fuss over her and the thought finally brought a relieved smile to his lips.

Cody was taken out of his reverie by the sudden stop of his horse and realized that they had arrived at their destination. They had stopped in front of Tompkins' store and were ready to get down from their horses. Cody hurried to get off as he saw that Louise was ready to descend from the wagon, and he almost stumbled clumsily in his rush. He managed to reach her and stretching his arm he said, "Ma'am, let me be of your assistance," he gave her his most charming smile, "and be the one to usher you. A beautiful lady shouldn't walk alone without a gentleman by her side."

Louise shared a smile with Rachel, both surprised by Cody's sudden change. The two women tried to stifle a giggle as they found Cody's words a bit too grandiloquent and comical. Louise knew that the rider was trying to find a way to make up for his morning blunder, but said nothing and let him escort her inside the store.

Rachel and the three other riders were baffled at Cody's attitude. He was really unpredictable and disconcerting at most times, and this time was not an exception. Rachel was relieved that at least Cody seemed to get into his thick head that his behavior was not helping matters. She hoped that her boys could come to accept Louise. She knew that the girl could sense their cautious looks and could not possibly feel at ease. Louise deserved at least some confidence; she hadn't proved to merit any less.

Rachel and the riders followed Cody and Lou inside the store. They greeted Tompkins, who was busy revising some bills. There were a few customers in the store, buying the weekly. Rachel acknowledged some ladies with a polite nod. She was not close to any woman in Sweetwater, but she was civil to all of them. When she had first come to this town, the women had not been welcoming. In their narrow-minded world it was not decent or appropriate for a woman to live among a bunch of men, but after marrying John Rachel's status had changed for the better. He was the bank manager and he had the respect of everybody, and in the same way his wife received the same deferential treatment. Rachel smiled wryly at this realization. She was the same woman, not better or worse, but to people's eyes her image had changed in a totally huge way.

Rachel urged the boys to get everything that was on her list, and told Louise to have a look at the dresses in the back end of the store while she came to the counter and paid Mr. Tompkins last month's bill.

"It was high time you cancelled your debts," Tompkins said as he saw the fresh money coming out of Rachel's purse. The store owner had sparks in his eyes while he counted the fresh money.

"Well," Rachel replied, "there was a small delay in the pay."

She continued chatting with Mr. Tompkins and now and then she threw a peek at Louise, who was busy looking at all the dresses and fabrics at the far end of the store. The boys then came to the counter with all the supplies from Rachel's list.

"Rachel, do you intend to buy the whole store?" Buck asked teasingly.

"No, just half of it," Rachel laughed.

"Buck, she has to feed Cody," Noah continued, "you know how hard and expensive that can be."

"In that case Cody should be the one to load the wagon," Kid told the others, who all wore smirks on their faces at their friend's expense. "Or are you going to slip away as always? What's this time, Cody? Play gentleman with the beautiful lady?"

"Ha, ha, very funny, boys," Cody sneered.

As they laughed, Rachel felt relieved that the usual mood among the riders was back.

"Don't let her!"

Rachel and the boys turned around, startled at the hysterical plead coming from the back of the store. To their utter shock, they saw Louise grasping a lady, who they all recognized as Mrs. Herrick, by both her arms. Lou seemed to be having a fit of hysterics and was screaming to the frightened lady.

"What do you want?" Mrs. Herrick asked shakingly, trying to break loose from her hold.

"Listen to me!" Lou's voice was quivering and at times it seemed to fade away. "Don't let your blood near the water. The spirits want her. If they see her, they will claim her body, and she joined the forever. I've seen it. Please, don't… the lake."" By now Lou's eyes were flooded in tears, and her voice broke.

"You are hurting me," Mrs. Herrick pleaded with Louise, trying to get free to no avail.

Rachel dashed to them, and tried to soothe the girl. Everybody was staring at the scene completely aghast. "Honey, calm down," Rachel told her softly. "It's fine. Let her go." She took Lou by the arm and steered her away from Mrs. Herrick. Then Rachel addressed the woman. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Herrick. Please accept my apologies."

Louise kept mumbling and sobbing uncontrollably. The woman looked at her with a scorning expression and finally managed to sneer. "What kind of people live in the station, Mrs. Boggs? Wasn't it enough to bear the presence of niggers, Indians and disgusting orphans in our town? This is just the last straw. Us decent people shouldn't suffer this kind of outrage, this was quite a peaceful town and the Pony Express has brought nothing but trouble."

A group of ladies and Tompkins, who had gathered around Mrs. Herrick, agreed with the woman's words. Rachel just glared at her and steered Louise outside the store. The girl was shaking and her sobs seemed to have no end.

After Rachel had left, the boys hurried to pick up their purchases and follow suit. They were still totally flabbergasted after the scene they had just witnessed. One moment Louise had been fine and in just a second she had turned into a hysterical woman, talking nonsense and scaring the daylights out of Mrs. Herrick.

Kid had never been more at a loss than at that moment. He was disappointed and hurt. He had lured himself into believing that she was just like any other girl. They had conversed together, and nothing that she had said had led him into pondering her as 'different'. But her behavior now had opened his eyes to reality. He felt a terrible pain in his chest and felt like screaming. He needed to go out as the room seemed to suffocate him.

"Kid," Cody interrupted his thoughts as he addressed him with sheer sarcasm, "I see that you were right. She doesn't seem crazy at all." he said chuckling at the dumbfounded expression of Kid.

"Just shut up, will you?" Kid snarled as he made his way out of the store.

* * *

Rachel was struggling to help Louise on the buckboard, but it was not an easy task, since the girl fought against her, and seemed reluctant to get on the carriage. Lou kept looking back at the place they had just left and musing between sobs. It was then that Rachel saw Kid emerge from the store, and called him desperately to help her. He dashed to them, and scooping the girl in his arms, he gently placed her on the seat of the wagon. He felt a tug in his heart at seeing her look so tiny and miserable. Lou's sobs were calming down and her eyes turned to look straight at him.

"She's gonna die," she whispered among hiccups.

"Who?" Kid asked her softly. He looked at Rachel but the station mistress just shook her head, not understand anything.

"That woman's daughter. The lake's gonna be her grave," she began crying again. "I've seen it, but nobody believes me. Nobody's gonna do anything, nobody cares," she kept repeating.

"Sweetie," Rachel tried to soothe her. "Why don't we get back home? Let's just forget about Mrs. Herrick. You need your rest."

Lou looked at her hurtfully and just nodded. She glanced down at her hands and did not dare meet their eyes. Suddenly, she realized what she had done. She did not want to see anything at all, as she knew that they would be looking at her with compassion, scorn, pity or fear. She was familiar with all those feelings. Louise kept her eyes downcast, and noticed Rachel sitting down by her side and set the wagon in motion.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX**

Rachel sighed as she dropped into a chair in the kitchen. After strenuous efforts, she had finally managed to calm Louise down and now the girl was resting in her room. The station mistress scolded herself for her distraction at the store. If she had watched out for Lou, perhaps the whole incident might have been prevented. She had never thought that visiting the town could stir her up so much. Rachel had been carried away by her first impression on the girl and had not given much thought to her mental problems till now. And the worst was that Louise had come to draw Mrs. Herrick's attention. The woman was a nosy hag, and by now the event would have come to the notice of the last citizen in Sweetwater. Rachel cursed herself, she felt in a way responsible for what had happened. She had promised John that she would take care of everything, and she felt she had let him down.

After the incident she had been unable to say a single word to Louise other than soothing pleads. She had been at a loss, utterly confused, and she knew that Lou had noticed a change of demeanor in her. The girl had seemed hurt as if her trust had been betrayed. It pained Rachel to see her like that and being unable to help her. Rachel felt so powerless that she wanted to scream and let out all her frustration. Why on earth could the likes of Mrs. Herrick have such a normal life? And why did a girl as nice as Louise have to suffer such a miserable situation? _Life wasn't fair_; she kept repeating and wishing that for once Teaspoon wasn't right.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon, and Louise was sitting forlornly on the edge of the bed. From there she could look through the window and see the yard and the activity at the station. She had been in that position for hours, and did not feel like doing anything or seeing anybody.

She was well aware of what had happened at the store and she felt miserable. Those images had come to her with full force, and she had not been able to control herself. It had been over two years since she had last had those visions. That last time she had even managed to ignore them and restrain her reactions, but this time they had been so strong. She feared that what had happened in the store would mean she had to leave, perhaps to another asylum, earlier than it was planned. She had really messed everything up and wanted to cry.

Suddenly the door forced open with a loud bang as it hit the wall, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. The figure at the door was even scarier. There stood her father, his face contorted with rage. Louise rose to her feet hesitantly, and looked down in shame, well aware of what her father's expression meant. Boggs stalked towards her and unexpectedly slapped her face hard, which made her fall down on the floor. She rose to her feet slowly and clumsily, and noticed the blood running from her lip.

"I'm sorry, really sorry. Please. It wasn't my intention, sir," Louise begged.

"Yeah, it is never your intention or your fault." Boggs ranted sarcastically. "The poor idiot never knows anything, never understands anything. But you really screwed it up this time. I'm the talk of the town, the laughingstock. My prestige and reputation are at stake, and I'll be damned if I let you play any more havoc."

Louise kept repeating how sorry she was over and over again, but her words were not heard or noticed by Boggs. "I don't want you out of this room at all, understand? At all. Are you listening to me?" he bellowed.

"Yes, father," she managed to say chokingly.

"Don't call me that," he snarled. "I'm not your father. I only have two children, two smart and healthy children, and you're just a pitiful and pathetic human being"

Hearing the loud voices, Rachel hurried up the stairs and was shocked at the scene before her eyes. John had grabbed Louise by the arms and was shaking her violently and bellowing at her.

"John, stop," she urged.

Boggs turned around and just stared at his wife without saying one single word. Then he pushed Louise free, which made her fall heavily onto the bed. She remained silent and dared not move a muscle. Rachel approached and knelt before her.

"Are you all right, honey?" she asked concerned. Seeing the blood on Lou's lip she turned to John aghast. "Did you hit her?"

"It was a mistake, I couldn't help it," the banker said solemnly and then added angrily. "But didn't you see what she did this morning?" Boggs was really irritated at his wife's attitude. He could not understand her, she seemed to be against him and it infuriated him.

"And you thought that this is the best way to solve things? Do you think she did it on purpose? You are being ridiculous," Rachel said as she pushed him out of the room. This was not the right place to have an argument. In the state that John was in he was likely to say something Louise was not in the condition to hear. When they reached their own bedroom, Boggs could not hold back any longer.

"What were you thinking, Rachel? What a great idea to take her to town!" he said sarcastically.

"Perhaps it is my fault." She accepted his anger; after all she had felt guilty herself the whole day. "But you can't vent your wrath on her. You can't blame her for her actions. She's a sick girl, John. Can't you see it?"

"I need to keep up an image, Rachel." Boggs was not about to relent. "Our future depends on it and what will people think now? They need to know that reliability is my second name, but if they notice something fishy or weird, do you think they will trust their money to me?" he reasoned.

"I understand that, but..." she tried to say but Boggs cut her off in mid sentence.

"I don't want her out of the room, is that clear, Rachel? It's for everybody's welfare. She can eat there, and whatever she wants to do. I don't want her anywhere but there, not in the yard, the lounge, the kitchen or the bunkhouse and not in town of course, just in that room, understand?" he said solemnly.

"But..." Rachel tried again.

"Understood, Rachel?" he wasn't to listen to any protests.

Rachel finally nodded reluctantly and although she felt it was not right, she could not oppose. Keeping Lou locked in the room was not the way to sort out matters, but she did not want to cause more strain with John. He was her husband, and on the last few days he seemed to have slipped away from her. Rachel just could not risk her marriage and the man he loved just to prove a point. Louise might get calmer if she stayed undisturbed. Maybe that was the thing to do, Rachel told herself, but deep inside she knew she was acting selfishly.

* * *

The days went by slowly and things returned to normal. Boggs seemed more cheerful and hardly saw or talked about Louise, who remained in her room the whole day. Nobody ever mentioned her name except when Rachel saved some food for her at lunch or dinner. It pained Rachel to see her constantly looking out of the window and her complete acceptance of the situation. She never complained, just smiled. She had not had any fits again. Rachel usually came to visit her in the room and had long conversations with her and as time went by, she realized she enjoyed Lou's company more and more.

Rachel could not understand what had happened in the store. Lou had been reluctant to talk about it, and the station mistress had not wanted to push her. During their conversations Rachel had realized that Louise seemed like a very sensible girl and did not have any weird ideas or anything out of the normal. Apart from that incident nothing extraordinary had happened. Rachel had begun to regret agreeing with John's decision. It was not right to compel Louise to stay in her room all day long. She needn't go to town but she could be around the station, but now it was too late to do anything.

* * *

On these days Kid had tried to keep busy, taking extra runs and doing chores till late in the evening. Louise somehow had occupied a place in his mind, and he just could not erase her and the sensations that just thinking of her stirred his soul. However much he had tried he had been unable to do anything. He had always thought he was a person who could keep in check his head and feelings coldly, but this situation was out of his control.

It was really stupid of him. He had seen with his own eyes what had happened in Tompkins' store, and how Lou was really a very sick girl. Yet, despite what he knew, his need for her grew bigger and bigger every day. She had seemed so devastated after the incident that he had felt an immense impulse to protect and console her. She was driving him crazy and he could not think of anything but her. Not even the fact that he could not see her while she was confined in her room had proved to calm him.

Every day he felt attracted to her window, and she was there, looking out of it. He walked as close to the house as it was possible without rising suspicions, and waved her good morning. Louise also came closer to the frame and smiled down at him. For a few minutes he kept staring at her and time seemed to stop. Unwillingly he finally went on to do his chores as he heard someone coming. Nobody knew about his little secret and these special morning moments. If anybody knew, he would not hear the end of it. The boys would harass him with their teasing, and he did not dare to think what would happen if Boggs came to know. He was sure that Louise would be the loser just for his fault. _Nothing is gonna happen_, he thought. _You've done nothing wrong. You just greet her every morning, that's not against any law_.

_Not only do you greet her every morning_, Kid told himself, and smiled as he remembered his last actions. At night when everybody was asleep, he sneaked out of the bunkhouse, and from under her window he looked at the stars. He knew that at that moment she was doing the same as him, and he felt that they were sharing a very special moment. Despite the physical distance he could sense that his heart was joined to hers just by watching the same stars that she was looking at in that instant. The thought brought a warming feeling to his heart and he felt comforted by this single fact that brought him closer to her in a very strange way.

* * *

Saturday came, and in the evening the boys began getting ready for the dance. It was traditional to attend each town event as Teaspoon wanted all his boys to take part and show their values to the rest of the citizens. He knew that most people were cautious about them, and for that reason he insisted on it. According to the marshal, the Sweetwater neighbors would change their opinions about his riders if they got to know them and the socials were the best opportunity.

Rachel had talked her husband into taking Louise with them to the dance. He had been more than reluctant to the idea, and she had used all her persuasion power to convince him. After the incident in town she was sure that it would take all and more for him to give in. Rachel admitted to herself she had not been too truthful with her reasoning, exaggerating things for her own benefit, but she could not stand the idea of Louise spending another day locked up in that room. The housekeeper intended do whatever it took to release the girl from her imprisonment. Rachel knew she would just have to be extra careful in case Lou had another fit. The final blow to John's opposition about Louise going to the dance had been a hint about Louise being in the house all by herself. Rachel smiled as she remembered how her husband's countenance had changed and gruffly he had granted his permission.

Rachel was so relieved at his decision and felt so excited that she had run upstairs right away to tell her little friend. She was sure that Lou had not attended a dance before, and wanted to make the event memorable for her. She was well aware that it would not be the same for her as for any other girl. The gossip about the banker's crazy daughter had spread throughout the town, and not one single man from town would want to dance with the girl. Yet, she would see to it that Louise would enjoy it in spite of everything.

The station mistress had bought Louise a beautiful mauve color dress and all the accessories for a young lady. Boggs had protested, telling her that she was wasting their money insensibly, but she had paid him no heed. Louise would look beautiful in the dress and Rachel could not wait to see what everybody would say when they saw her.

Rachel was just putting the finishing touch to Lou's hair and told her to turn around. The dress was perfect on her, and Rachel had done her hair in a beautiful bun. She had also lent her a pair of earrings and a modest necklace.

"Rachel, this is too much," Lou said. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go to the dance. Perhaps if I stayed..."

"Nonsense," Rachel cut her off. "We'll have a good time, you'll see. You really look beautiful. You're gonna be the envy at the dance."

"I doubt it, Rachel," she said morosely. "I'm sure nobody can envy me."

Rachel realized her mistake and just smiled at her. She was really sorry that soon Lou's free days would be over, and she would have to go back to the asylum. Sometimes the girl's mature views stunned her, and her conversation was often more fascinating than what any lady in town could talk about. During their chatting time, Louise tended to forget everything about her 'problems'_. But Louise never forgets_, she thought sadly. _She has to live with it._

"Louise, I'll finish getting dressed and then we can go," she said heading for the door.

Lou stopped Rachel before she left the room. The girl took her by the hand and said in a whisper. "Nothing's gonna happen this time, Rachel. I'm really sorry for what happened ... you know."

"Let's not talk about it, all right? Just forget about the whole thing. Enjoy this evening, will you?"

Lou nodded and smiled at her. Rachel had a way to make her feel at ease, and she was thankful for that. This time she would not let Rachel down, and nothing was going to spoil the night. Tonight she could control herself, she was sure. The haunting images that had assaulted her in the store had not vanished completely, but she had been able to somehow ignore them. It was hard but she had to do it. She was furious at herself for being carried away like that.

If something similar took place again, she was sure her father would not think twice about sending her back to the asylum. A sigh escaped her lips at the prospect. She knew that the moment she had to leave, she would have a terrible heartache. She had been extremely happy in this place. The relationship with her father was even worse than what she remembered, but she would miss Rachel terribly and... _Louise, you're being foolish,_ she thought. Yeah, she would miss him, to see him every day as he greeted her and smiled his lovely smile. She thought he was charming though she had hardly spoken to him but that once. She giggled at his cuteness. Since the day they had talked under the nightly sky, she had seen him going out at night to watch the stars. She knew that she had been quite brusque at him that night, and she had wanted to apologize, but she had not had the chance since she had had to stay in the room all day and the only person she had seen was Rachel.

"Lou! Louise!" Rachel called. Lou looked up, and saw Rachel at the door. She was beautifully dressed and ready to go. Louise blushed at being caught daydreaming about something that was out of her reach, and or one moment she feared that Rachel was able to read her mind.

"What keeps you so absorbed, Lou?" she asked amusedly. "I have called your name three times and you never heard it."

"Oh," Louise hesitated, "it's ... that I'm a bit nervous."

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Rachel stated. "Let's go."

* * *

In the bunkhouse the riders were also finishing to get ready. Cody was in front of the mirror combing his fair hair as in his words someone has gotta show some style to the townsfolk. Jimmy was polishing his boots while Noah, Buck and Ike snickering behind Cody. Kid had been ready for half an hour, and waited for his fellow riders to finish. He did not feel like going to this stupid dance, and his mood was not at its best. He just wanted to sleep the night through. Now he would have to smile and be polite, stoically enduring the social for a couple of hours. He did not feel like talking to girls and dancing. Well, he wanted to talk to one girl in particular, but she was out of his reach. In second thoughts, Kid also considered that this dance would be just perfect for him, he would be with other girls and he would realize that his infatuation with Lou was just an illusion, it was not something real, that was sure.

"She's coming, you know."

Kid was taken out of his deep thoughts by Cody's voice.

"Who's coming?" Jimmy asked non-chalantly, still polishing his boots.

"Her, you know, Louise," Cody replied and began snickering. "Rachel's bought her a dress and all. I don't understand how Rachel dares take her to the dance after what happened last time."

"Well, she can't stay alone at the station," Buck reasoned.

"She's gonna be fine. She has been quite calm these last days," Noah said.

"I hope you're right, Noah," Cody grumbled. "It was kind of embarrassing last time."

Kid had remained silent during the whole exchange. This was the first he heard about Louise coming, and he was more than surprised. His feelings about it were confused. In a way he wanted her to stay at the station so that he would not be bothered by his troublesome feelings. But deep inside, he was full of joy when he had heard Cody say that she was coming. He wanted to spend the whole night watching her lovely face. He wished he could dance with her, and feel her against him. But he wouldn't have the guts to do it as he knew that he would give himself away, and that was something he could not allow to happen. People would think that there was something wrong with him, a devious side that had been unknown to him for years. How could he be attracted to her? _It wasn't right_, he was tired of repeating but he seemed deaf to his own warnings.

"Kid?" Jimmy called him.

"Uh?" Kid let out distractedly.

"I thought you'd take Patricia Putman to the dance. She would be more than delighted and she's a beauty," Jimmy stated.

"Oh yeah," Cody twinkled at him. "She's always asking for you, making sheep's eyes at you, and sighs all the time," Cody tried to imitate the girl and the other riders roared with laughter.

"Well, I... I ain't in the mood," Kid said slightly irritated. He hated it when the other riders tried to meddle in his business. They were his friends, like brothers to him, but love matters were something very personal, intimate, and now was the worst time to talk about it. "Moreover, I would never consider asking her and much less courting her. There's something that I don't like about her."

With that Kid stood up from his position, and went to the door. He didn't feel like discussing the matter any further. "Come on, let's go. It's almost time," he urged the rest of the riders, who followed suit and left the bunkhouse.

* * *

Boggs was driving the buckboard towards the town and the boys rode their horses behind him. By his expression one could say that he was anything but happy. It was obvious he did not feel very comfortable to have Louise coming to the social. Rachel had been very persuasive, and he cursed himself for giving in so easily. The two weeks that Louise was supposed to stay with them was becoming a real torture for him, and he couldn't wait to see the end of it. He was really angry for his bad luck. Now that he could finally be happy and have a nice life, she had shown up out of the blue and made his days miserable. He had to send his children away, and he really missed them. And furthermore, his relationship with Rachel had taken a turn for the worse. They seemed to be arguing all the time and this made him furious.

The banker could not understand his wife and the sudden liking that she had taken to Louise. Rachel was well aware of what she was and what she meant for his life, but she seemed to ignore his feelings, and sometimes he felt she did it on purpose. He knew that was crazy, she loved him, but this entire situation made him so angry that his mind began having senseless ideas.

He laughed wryly to himself at his wife's last try. She had got all excited at the prospect of Louise's attendance to the dance. She had even bought her a dress, and had been so excited that verged on absurdity. Sometimes Rachel made him wild with rage. And now just a few minutes before she had looked so proud at showing the girl all dressed up. _Her own mother couldn't have looked happier_, Boggs thought morosely. Of course, he hadn't been able to control himself and made one of his usual remarks, which had been reciprocated by Rachel's dangerous glare.

Now they were heading to town, and Rachel had not said one single word, well rather she had not said a word to him. She was cheerful and talkative with the rest, but she had reserved the silent treatment for him. Boggs hoped that he would be able to raise her mood. He did not look forward to spending the evening like that. In a bold move, he ventured to look and smile at her, but she seemed unaffected and just looked away.

* * *

The town hall was bustling with people as the riders made their way into the building. Several couples were dancing in the middle of the room, other people stood just listening to the music, and a few were engaged in idle chatter.

Kid entered the hall slowly; he definitely wasn't in the mood for dancing. How could he dance with any girl knowing that he would be thinking of her? He had been completely stunned when she had appeared all dressed up. It had been a breathtaking vision, and he had to remind himself to breathe, and look away. She was so beautiful that he could hardly think of anything else.

He didn't understand Mr. Boggs' attitude towards Louise. Had he really said what he had heard? Seeing her sad expression, Kid had no doubts and he had wanted to knock him out. Why did that man seem so eager to hurt her? Why couldn't he just shut his trap and let her be? She did not need any of his snide remarks and he could imagine how she might be feeling.

His own father had not been anything to look up to. Kid had to bear his beatings, his insults and his rage before he had left for good. His father had been an insensitive beast, and his family had suffered his drunkenness and cruelty. In that time As a matter of fact, in that time Kid had not minded being beaten as much as hearing his hard words. That was what it had hurt him most. His bruises could heal eventually, but the words kept imprinted in his young mind. Kid could understand Lou's feelings, and it pained him that she was so alone. At least he had had his mother at the time, who had always found the right words and remedy to ease his ache, but Lou had nobody.

Before Kid had time to think it over, he had approached the first girl he had seen and asked her to dance. He needed to distract his attention, and although he did not feel like it, this was the best he could do. He could not continue like this much longer. He tried to convince himself that he was just having a bad spell, and he would get over this fantasy of his, because Louise was that. Just a fantasy. _Keep your mind off her_, he told himself. _There are many beautiful girls here. Look at them and forget her. It's not right and you know it._

As he was dancing, he caught a glimpse of Louise flanked by her father and Rachel, and his intentions crumbled down in a flash. She was looking at the dancing couples with interest and as he passed by her, she threw him one of her smiles, which he loved so much. He wanted to stop, take her in his arms, and dance with her all the evening, but he just remained in another woman's arms, and the realization of what he longed for made his mood sink.

Kid realize Rachel was trying to catch one of the boys' attention. He knew that she wanted one of them to dance with Louise, but his friends were doing great at dodging it. Kid felt unable to dance with Louise, and he had to avoid her if he wanted to suppress these nagging feelings. He smiled wryly at his situation. He was dancing with a girl who he didn't care what her name was. And he could not dance with the person he was dying for. Life was surely complicated.

* * *

Louise felt anything but comfortable inside the town hall. She had wanted to leave the place since she stepped inside; she seemed to suffocate and needed fresh air. After a while, had managed to get out when Rachel and her father had joined the dancing couples and was so relieved to be able to escape the crowded room for a while.

From the moment she had entered the town hall, she had felt the curious and inquisitive looks of everybody on her. It was obvious people did not feel any sympathy for her, and however much she had tried, she had not been able to avoid their hard stares. Lou could hear them whispering and gesturing in her direction. She had felt her blood boil at their open scrutinizing attitudes, and had felt like giving them a piece of her mind and made a scene. She was not as mild as everybody thought, and it would be so satisfying to give those nosy and narrow-minded people one of her lessons. In that way they would surely have something to talk about, but she knew she could not do that to Rachel, she had promised to her nothing would happen this time, and she didn't dare to think what her father would do, on top of everything.

Rachel had been disappointed that the boys had stopped her intentions. She had wanted Louise to dance with one of them and enjoy herself, but they were not too eager to comply. However, Lou was frankly relieved that they had refused. She was not looking forward to being the center of attention. She had already attracted too many curious eyes without even showing her lack of dancing abilities.

Boggs had been nagging Rachel to dance with him but the station mistress had been reluctant as to leave Louise alone. After the incident at Tompkins', she had felt very cautious about her. Lou was surprised at her father's lack of concern about her being left alone in the room. Finally, Rachel had relented, and let him to steer her to the dance floor. The station mistress was still quite annoyed at him, but she could not remain angry with him all the time when they were supposed to enjoy the night.

As soon as Louise was left alone, she had felt defenseless at the inquisitive looks of people. Somehow the presence of Rachel and her father had brought her some kind of moral support, but now she could only see hard stares and cold glares. She had caught a glimpse of the woman from the store, who had been looking at her indiscreetly and with an expression that had made Lou look away shyly. Louise had tried to find some familiar faces, but she couldn't even see Rachel or her father. She had previously seen Kid dancing with a girl, but now she couldn't spot him either. The room seemed to be spinning round her, and she had had to make her way out of the building. When she had finally gone outside and breathed the fresh air, she had felt an immense relief.

Now she was leaning over a corral post and watching the horses drinking from the trough next to her. She was deep in thought when a male voice startled her.

"Watching the stars?"

Lou looked up and found herself gazing into those blue eyes that she knew belonged to Kid. She smiled and felt her heart flutter and her legs wobble. For a moment she thought she was going to fall and took a firm hold of the post.

"No, the ... the horses ... this time," she stuttered gesturing at the animals.

Kid grinned and took a step closer. He had seen her abandon the hall, and something stronger than his will had made him follow her. He knew it was a bad idea and he would regret it later, but he could not shun the attraction. Now they were just a few inches apart and he could smell her fragrance and feel her breath. The moonlight reflected on her hair, and Kid did not think she had ever looked more beautiful. He seemed unable to find his own voice. He really did not want to talk, he just wanted to look at her and inhale all of her.

"Do ... you like horses?" he finally managed to say.

Lou nodded. "We had a horse at home when I was a child. My ma let me ride it ... sometimes but that was a long time ago."

"Really?" Kid muttered. By then he was dangerously near her but he could not move his feet from that spot. Louise did not seem uncomfortable at the closeness, and he felt braver by the minute. "We can go for a ride one day, and I'll show you the surroundings." He knew that he was blabbering like an idiot, but he was just mesmerized by that magical spell of hers.

"That ... would be ... really nice," Louise stuttered. She was full aware of his proximity and noticed her breathing quicken and her heart beating wildly. She felt goose bumps on her skin as he gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"You're so beautiful," he heard himself say. His head was shouting at him to run away and leave the place, but he was totally taken and deaf to any reasoning words. He seemed to be rooted in that place, and could not move away. His eyes travelled over her face: her eyes, her cute nose, her flushed cheeks and her lips. He kept his gaze on her lips, and hardly noticed that he was lowering his head towards her, but he could not do anything. He met her eyes just for a second before he closed his own as he met her lips in a gentle and soft kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X**

Kid thought he had touched heaven as he felt her lips against his. The first kiss had been sweet and shy, but as he did not meet any opposition from her, he dared to deepen the kiss and she responded whole-heartedly. At that moment his whole self was unaware of anything but her. She was so soft, so sweet, just perfect. He had never felt such strong sensations as the ones he was experiencing with this kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kept her as close to him as possible. His fingers ran through her hair as he began planting kisses all over her face till he again joined his lips to hers.

Suddenly, realization of what was happening struck him powerfully, and he pulled away as if he had been bitten. His guilty eyes looked at her in total anguish, and he felt unable to articulate one single word. They were both out of breath after their romantic encounter, and were trying to catch their breaths. Louise was staring at him with an expression of utter perplexity. Kid was not sure if it was because of the kiss or of the sudden halt.

Kid was inwardly cursing himself for what he had allowed to happen. He had been real good at hiding his feelings from the rest, but now he had been carried away and involved her in this mess. When he finally managed to breathe a bit better, he began apologizing. "Lou, I'm so..." he tried to say but was cut off by a loud call from the end of the street.

"Louise!"

They both turned their heads quickly at the sound, and saw Rachel coming towards them. She seemed to be in a state of complete agitation and very nervous. Kid wanted to die at that same instant and disappear from the face of the earth. He did not know what Rachel had seen but from her demeanor he could tell that she had seen enough. He could not imagine what she would say or do. All he hoped was that it would not mean any more problems for Louise. Naturally, he would not allow Louise to be blamed in the least. He was the only responsible here, and he would accept the consequences of his foolish acts. _What were you thinking, Kid?_ he thought.

Finally, Rachel reached them, breathless and nervous, and blurted out, "Where were you, Lou? I have been looking for you all over the place and panicked when I couldn't find you." Rachel was utterly relieved that she had eventually found the girl because she had feared that something had actually happened.

Louise stared at her with wide eyes, and could not find her own voice. She was still quite confused after the kisses she and Kid had shared. Her mind still seemed unable to think clearly and she did not know what to say.

Kid felt his body relax as he realized that Rachel had not seen what had just happened between him and Lou. She was nervous just because she thought that the girl had gone astray. He noticed Louise's confused expression and hurried to say something. "Rachel, we just went out to get some fresh air," he lied. "It was awfully hot inside, and Louise seemed a bit too pale."

Rachel looked at Lou and noticed her red cheeks and her odd expression. "Oh, honey," she said, "Are you all right? You look a bit flushed."

Lou knew that she was blushing furiously, but her state was not caused by anything that had happened inside the building, but rather by what had taken place outside. She was thankful that Kid had been so fast to make up a story to her sudden disappearance. Telling Rachel about the kisses was out of the question. It had to be her secret, her very sweet secret. Just remembering those kisses and how much she had enjoyed them was enough to make Louise blush even redder.

"Oh, yes, Rachel," Lou said hesitantly. "I was just a bit dizzy but I'm fine now." She hated lying to Rachel but what else could she do? "Kid... here ... was very kind to escort me outside. I'm sorry I scared you. I hope my father ain't too angry."

"Don't worry. I didn't tell him you were missing," Rachel smiled at remembering the little fib she had told Boggs. In her philosophy, it was better a fib in time than useless heartache. "Now let's get inside again."

* * *

_The following day_

Kid had not slept a wink at night, and now that he was riding across the open prairie he felt the consequences of that lack of sleep in his body. He had been turning and tossing the whole night as thoughts of what had happened with Louise invaded his mind. He had not been able to apologize to Lou, and he wondered what she might be thinking about his totally improper behavior.

The morning had come too early, and he had had to get ready for his ride. It was a short ride and he would be back before dinner, but it was still tough after the eventful evening and the haunted night. Even now that he was riding like the devil, thoughts of her came to his mind continuously.

The Southerner was convinced that nothing would happen with Louise again, and he would see to it. It was improper to think of her as he had been thinking lately, but what had occurred at the dance was totally wrong. _But then… why had it felt so right?_ he thought.

Kid was well aware that she was not like the other girls, she was sick, real sick, but when he saw or talked to her, he forgot everything. She was just the girl who he had fallen in love with. Yeah, he had to admit it. He had fallen for her hard, but it was never meant to be. It would be stupid to think otherwise. She would never get better. Mental matters were as mysterious as the origin of the world, and people suffering from them could never recover.

Kid wanted to scream in frustration. Why couldn't she be a normal girl? Why did he have to meet her? Why had he fallen for her? Admitting his feelings did not make things easier. What he knew was that he had to find a way to control himself. It was going to be the hardest thing he had ever had to do, the pain he already felt at the thought was almost physical, and now that he had had a taste of her it was even worse. He really wanted to be part of her, to know everything of her, to love all of her.

What would people think if they got to know about his feelings? Kid began to see the reproachful faces of everybody he knew. He could imagine what his friends' reactions might be. Teaspoon would act calmly and would try to bring him to his senses with one of his long talks. Kid had to acknowledge that Teaspoon was a source of wisdom and his advice had always proved right. Though the marshal had not received proper schooling, his life had taught him all he needed to know. Rachel always tried to keep aside from the boys' love matters, but this time it would be different. The girl was her stepdaughter, and she was very fond of her. Kid was sure that Rachel would be angry, and Rachel's anger is something one should be afraid of.

Cody would surely laugh and mock him bluntly. Kid knew he would not see the end of his wisecracks, and the others would not hesitate to join in the mocking. Noah would plainly tell him what he thought. He was very sincere and direct, and Kid had no idea what he would say, but Noah would come clear, that was certain. Probably Buck and Ike would keep aside and would not say anything. Kid knew that they were very reserved in these matters but he was afraid that they both would see him in a different light. Actually, he was afraid that all of them consider him a lesser person for having these feelings, and in a way acting on them. If he had been told the same story about somebody else, he would surely have thought that the person was a pervert to say the least. Kid was not trying to abuse or take advantage of Louise. He had just fallen in love, that's all, but he understood that people would look down on him. Jimmy was his best friend, and Kid thought that he would be able to understand him if he found out. Jimmy had had some troublesome relationships with women and knew that love was not always something that you willingly sought. Yeah, at least Jimmy would understand him.

What Kid was very scared of was Boggs' reaction and what he would think. When Rachel and he had begun their relationship, Kid had liked him, and after the wedding they had got along quite well. Yet, after Louise's arrival, the banker's open unreasonable hostility made Kid's blood boil. He could not understand how anybody would treat Louise other than with tenderness. So if Boggs ever found out about last night, Kid was sadly aware that the banker might get furious and probably Louise would be the target of his ire. That was the reason Kid prayed that Boggs never got to know what had happened last night.

_Nobody is gonna find out_, he said, trying to calm his nerves. _It was just a kiss… or a few, and I'm sure she wouldn't tell anyone, would she? Anyway, I won't probably have another opportunity to see her. She's always in her room and I will try to avoid her as much as possible._ _It's not right and it's not fair to her. You can't promise her anything and it'll only cause her more heartache. And now please stop ruminating about the same over and over. Just think that you have to deliver the mail and you're already running a bit late._

Kid urged Katy faster, and tried to put every thought of Louise behind him. Now his first priority was his job, and he needed all his senses alert to complete his duty. It would be just splendid if you mess this thing too.

It was late in the afternoon when Louise woke up from her nap. She had fallen asleep after lunch as she had not slept very well at night, which had been plagued with images of those kisses she had shared with Kid. At first she had been taken off guard as she had never imagined Kid would try something like that. But it had happened, Kid had actually kissed her, and it had been wonderful. Thousands of feelings had woken within her at the same moment in which his lips had touched hers. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his mouth on hers. Nobody had ever kissed her like that and she had felt completely alive in that moment. And now she couldn't wait to kiss him again. _Would he want to kiss her again?_

* * *

Louise laughed aloud at her own strong feelings, and she felt so light-hearted and happy that she wanted to scream. Naturally, she did not know much about this boy-girl stuff, but she supposed that if he had kissed her, that would mean that he liked her. And she... well... she was crazy for him, she thought, smiling inwardly at the reference.

Lou was not a fool, and with all probability this kiss had not meant anything to him; it might have been just a game for him, but she didn't care. He had found her willingly, and had not shown any signs of disgust for her. That was all she cared about, and she was thankful for those brief moments. Her time of relative freedom was coming to an end, and she wanted to enjoy it fully and feel everything that she would not when back in the asylum.

Today she had not seen him as usual, and she had missed his morning greeting. Nobody but him cared to acknowledge her every day, he was so nice. She knew that he had a ride and must have left the station very early in the morning, but he would be back that evening; she had managed to obtain that piece of information from Rachel quite subtly, and she hoped at least to catch a brief glimpse of him. She just needed to see him, it was almost a physical necessity, and the intensity she longed for him totally baffled him.

Louise hoped that nobody would ever find out what had happened the night before. She didn't dare to imagine what her father would say if he caught wind of it. Just the thought of it made her shiver from head to foot. Last night she had almost stopped breathing when Rachel had appeared, as she had feared that the station mistress had seen everything. Lou was sure that though Rachel was very kind and pleasant, she wouldn't like the situation in which the two of them would have been caught. But fortunately, she had seen nothing and Kid had been quick enough to make up an excuse for her sudden disappearance from the hall. _He's so nice and so handsome, _she thought and grinned broadly.

"Louise!"

Lou looked up and saw that Rachel in front of her with an amusing expression on her face. _Why did she always catch me fantasizing over him?_ she thought somewhat annoyed.

"I wonder what deep thoughts continuously keep you so unaware of the rest of the world," Rachel said, giggling. Louise joined in her mirth, and they laughed together for quite a few minutes. "You look very happy today, Lou," Rachel told her after her laughter had calmed down.

"Why shouldn't I?" Lou replied a bit confused. She frowned, wondering what direction Rachel was taking the direction. Perhaps after all Rachel had seen Kid and her kissing, and she must be waiting for a sincere confession from her.

"Well, last night wasn't exactly what I had planned. You didn't dance once and ... I know that you must have felt uncomfortable with all those inquisitive looks from those nosy people. I'm really sorry, perhaps I shouldn't have insisted on you going," Rachel said sadly.

Lou smiled relieved that she had been wrong, and Rachel looked at her in confusion. "It's all right, Rachel," she talked light-heartedly. "I had a great time, really. Everything was so beautiful, and the people looked so smart. I was really engrossed in the entire jovial atmosphere. As for the people, I didn't give them any thought, I'm used to it. And," Lou smiled, "I'm really glad that I didn't get to dance. I can't dance, and I would have made a fool of myself in front of the whole town. So I'm glad I was saved from that."

"Was it your first time at a dance?" Rachel asked her.

"Yeah," Lou said, "Once there was a fair in my town, and my mother took us… you know, me and Jeremiah. Theresa was too young. I was eight and I remember that I was really amazed, and stared at everything with big eyes. The town was beautifully decorated and people danced and enjoyed themselves like they were doing yesterday. That was just before mama died," she looked down sadly, her chirpy mood gone.

"You really miss her, don't you?" Rachel ventured.

Louise nodded, and looked at Rachel with unshed tears. "Sometimes I wonder where I would be if she were still alive."

Rachel just stared at her. She had no words to tell her and she cursed herself for bringing up these sad memories.

"I guess that my life wouldn't be much different," Lou tried to raise her own mood but failed miserably. She knew that everything would have been so different if her mother hadn't died. She wouldn't have allowed what had happened back at her old home. That terrible thing would never have taken place if she had been alive. Yet, Louise knew that it was no use lamenting about the past and she tried to smile at Rachel.

"Lou," Rachel took her hand and squeezed it encouragingly. "Sometimes I don't understand your father, but I'm sure he's trying to do what's best for you. He may be a little harsh, but you have to understand that it's not easy for him," Rachel said. She was not completely convinced that her words were really the truth, but she had to make an effort to comprehend John's attitude, and needed to support him. He was her husband, after all.

"He says he ain't my father, you know?" Lou muttered regretfully.

Rachel just nodded in spite of herself and tried to find the right words. "Well ... Louise, don't think about that. The sense of family is stronger than blood bonds. Look at Teaspoon and the boys. They're like family, but they don't share anything but that sometimes so filthy bunkhouse." Lou grinned at Rachel's kind words, but she knew that in her case the situation was quite different. "And," Rachel continued, "here's the surprise. I have convinced John you don't have to stay here all the time. At least at mealtimes we will enjoy your presence, so get ready for dinner tonight, uh?"

"Are you serious?" Louise asked, her heart leaping with joy at the news.

"Completely serious," Rachel laughed at the girl, who was smiling broadly and her eyes were wide with expectation. Then Louise launched herself against her and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you so much, Rachel," she said happily. She was really tired of this blessed room and after last night the situation would be unbearable. She knew that she would have to stay in the room most of the day but at least she could have a little relaxation and enjoy some company. Yet, the first thought that had come to her mind had been him. He would be there and she couldn't wait for dinnertime.

* * *

Kid entered the barn slowly with Katy behind him. The ride had taken longer than he had thought, and it had been just his fault. He had been too distracted, and had not paying attention to the road as his confusing thoughts kept invading his mind. More than once did he have to stop when Katy had nearly taken a tumble due to his carelessness or when he had just missed the trail. As a consequence, he had arrived at the station two hours later, missing dinner. In reality, he was not really hungry, just furious that his feelings were interfering with his job.

He placed Katy in her usual stall after unsaddling her. Then he began to fill the troughs with water and oats. It would not be fair if she missed her dinner too, and she deserved a special treatment after this tortuous ride. He was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed, but he thought that he would give her a good brush after the way he had been riding today.

The Southerner turned around to look for the brush and then he saw her. There she was: Louise. She was watching him intently a few feet from where he stood, and shyly she mouthed a quiet 'hi'. Kid was speechless, he didn't expect to see her there and just kept staring at her.

Lou came closer and hesitantly taking a grip of his shoulders she placed a soft kiss on his lips. Kid was completely mesmerized by the sensations that just her touch caused him. He closed his eyes and tried to push away all these feelings and calm himself. This couldn't happen, not again. So mustering all his willpower, he took her by her slender arms gently and pulled away.

Louise realized he was turning her down and felt ashamed of her daring behavior. At dinnertime she had been disappointed when he had not been there, and her mood had become somber. Afterwards, in her room she had been looking out of her window and waiting for his arrival. So when she had seen him pull up at the station, she had sneaked out of the house and crept into the barn. Her yearning had been so strong that when he had been in front of her, she had not been able to control herself and had launched herself into his arms blindly.

"Lou, we have to stop this," he said at last. "I'm sorry for what happened last night, it's that..." _I'm just madly in love with you_, he wanted to say. But he couldn't find the right justification.

"You don't like me," she whispered in a miserable voice, and looked down sheepishly.

Kid felt a tug in his heart at the sadness in her voice. He placed a thumb under her chin and lifted her eyes to him. "No, Lou," he muttered, "don't think that. I really like you," _You don't know how much and that's the problem_, he thought, but refrained from voicing it aloud. "It's just that..."

"What?" Louise urged him in an impatient tone.

Kid fumbled for words but he was at a loss. How can you tell a girl that it's wrong to love her? He didn't want to cause any more heartache, but knew that it was his foolish behavior what had begun all this. Why didn't you stay in the town hall, you fool? Why did you have to follow her out? Why did you have to kiss her?

Lou was unnerved by his silence, and was beginning to get angry. She hated it when people treated her as if she was made of porcelain, and she suspected that Kid was trying to protect her from the truth. "What is it, Kid?" she bellowed. She was losing her temper with his hesitancy. "Don't make a fuss over it and spit it out. Tell me plain and clear what it is."

Her eyes were shining with rage, and Kid was taken by this new side of her. He was speechless and just kept looking at her, but finally her glare urged him into action.

"Louise," he began after a sigh, "it's just not right - this thing between us."

"Why not?" Lou asked. "Is it because I'm sick?" At Kid's reluctant nod she continued. "Is it such a big problem for you?"

"It ain't me," Kid said. "And it ain't you. It's the situation. It ain't right. What do you think your father and Rachel would say if they knew?"

"Nobody needs to know, Kid" Louise added a bit more at ease with the conversation. "I'm not asking you to marry me" She took him by the hand, and squeezed it to reassure him. "Look. I've never felt so alive in my whole life as I did yesterday. I'm just asking you to be a special friend to me, just for these few days. Is it asking too much?"

Kid was longing to give in but his conscience kept nagging on him and insisted in putting a fight. He was aware of what Lou was asking him, but his convictions were too strong to accept his proposition even though he was dying to do so. "Lou, we can't pretend that this is right."

"Why not? People pretend all the time," her voice shook with emotion as she came closer to him. "Let's just pretend for a little while. Let's just pretend that I'm fine. Let's just pretend that you love me. Let's just pretend that we're courting. Let's just pretend that you intend to marry me someday. Let's just pretend that we will live happily forever. Let's pretend, Kid. After that, I'll be dead again. Please." She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "Just love me a little bit. Just a little bit. I ain't asking for too much."

Kid sighed. He wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head. "Oh, Lou what am I gonna do with you?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI**

As days followed, life on the way station continued like usual. The riders kept their usual routine of chores and rides. Boggs stayed at the bank most of the time while Rachel kept busy with her duties at the station. Louise used to watch everything from her seclusion in her room. She was still allowed to have her meals at the same time as everybody else, but apart from that, she was not given much occasion to do anything. Sometimes she helped Rachel around the house, and she heartily welcomed some physical work. Yet, most of the time she had to sit still in the rocker that was in her room and looked as the station bustling with activity. She was glad that at least Rachel came from time to time to talk to her and they usually had a good laugh when the station mistress told her about the happenings at the way station and some of the mishaps that might have take place during the day.

Her father still hardly acknowledged her presence and never even cast a single glance in her direction. Louise was relieved that he had stopped making rude remarks to her. She had thought that nothing could hurt her any more, but she had been wrong. Though his words were not new to her, it pained her to hear them and notice his utter dislike of her. She was sure that her life was really doomed and there was not any way of escape for her. Boggs was the only person who had the key to her salvation and it seemed that he had thrown it away to the bottom of the ocean long ago.

All this pain, though, was somewhat soothed by some more pleasing thoughts, thoughts of a handsome young man with bright blue eyes. Since the day in the barn things between Kid and her had been cleared out. The feelings that were flowing inside her were new, but she did not do anything to fight them. She knew that she would never feel something similar again once her time of freedom was over, so she cherished every single minute of this new experience. Usually Louise watched him work around the station, and she was well aware that now and then he stopped his chores and always found an excuse to pass by the house to catch a glimpse of her. Then unbeknownst to everybody, he blew her a kiss. Louise felt her heart swell with love at his loving and innocent gestures. She was having the time of her life and she wished it would never end.

But it was the nights that she looked forward to most. When everybody else was sound asleep, Kid and she sneaked out and met in the barn. They spent some welcoming moments together and reveled in the happiness they found in each other. Louise was glad for his company; they used to talk tirelessly, watch the stars like that first time, and also they shared some passionate kisses in the silence of the night. Louise thought that he was an extraordinary man; he was sweet, gentle and real attentive to her. She had never met anyone like him. He was always interested in knowing about her, he paid careful attention when she talked, and he seemed real concerned about her welfare and feelings. She used to tease him and called him 'Prince Charming' and at her words he looked embarrassed, which Lou thought made him look cute. Louise guessed that girls in town must be longing for him, but for some strange reason he did not have a regular girl and even more strangely, he chose to spend his time with her. Lou did not quite comprehend what he really found in her company. It was true that she had been the one who had been insisting in the barn, but Kid had made the first move that night during the dance. Louise was not a fool and she knew that he did not love her or anything, he just couldn't love her, but he didn't try anything with her, he always behaved like a real gentleman and he had never gone further from kisses. Louise was at a loss about his intentions, but she didn't linger on the feeling and just convinced herself to enjoy the moment.

Kid was still having a hard time with his feelings and continuously fought his problems of conscience. Every day he woke up with the clear intention to stop this senseless matter. Yes, he loved her but where would all this end? He was sure that this wouldn't bring anything good. Yet, his intentions were forgotten as soon as he saw her. He loved the way her eyes shone and her lips smiled at him. He felt unable to hurt her with his rejection, and he ended up biting his tongue. She was always so sincere and direct; she was crystal clear to him. She was not like most of the girls that he had met. She never tried to act different or change her behavior when she was with him. She did not need to make an impression, she was just herself and Kid liked all of her. He enjoyed talking to her so much that time seemed to fly. At those moments he forgot everything, all his worries, his intentions, and he had never felt so alive. She was his soul mate, the woman he had been waiting for all his life, but sadly he knew it was never meant to be.

One evening, as usual they had met in the dark barn and were sitting on a bale of hay holding hands. Louise was resting her head on his shoulder and her eyes were closed, just reveling in the peaceful atmosphere. Kid kept looking at her and caressed her arm with his hand gently.

"I'm going to miss these moments so much," Lou said after a few minutes of silence, her voice tinged with sorrow. She sighed and snuggled closer to Kid.

Kid was startled by the sadness in her demeanor and suddenly he felt curious about that side of her that was practically unknown to him. When they were together, they talked for hours, but they always tended to avoid that topic. Their conversations were mainly brought around Kid and his life at the station. She always managed to evade any questions about her, and Kid never tried to push her. She was a mystery to him and although he felt that he knew her by heart, he was actually in the dark about her life. This time he couldn't refrain himself and the question was out before he had time to think.

"Tell me about the place where you live, Lou," he said expectantly.

Lou raised her head to look straight at his eyes, and she saw there almost a plea. She knew that she could not dodge his curiosity this time. His eyes were pleading with her to be sincere. Of course, she didn't want to talk about herself, there wasn't anything she could say that could be included in a 'normal' conversation. She just wanted to forget about everything, as if that reality of hers didn't exist, but sadly it did, and not talking about it would make it disappear.

Kid was staring at her expectantly as if he feared that she would not talk to him. _Come on, Louise_, she said to herself, _he deserves at least that. He's been so nice to you._

"Well," she began. "It ain't a very nice place to live in." She took a deep inhale of air and tried to keep her voice unaltered. "But for me the worst of it is Thursdays."

"What happens on Thursdays?" Kid asked her, glad that she was eventually opening up.

"It's visit day, well, at least for the others," she muttered. "I never receive any visits, and," she laughed sarcastically, "I am so stupid that after all these years every single Thursday I still expect him to come." With these last words her voice faded away and she looked down to hide the tears that she felt in her eyes.

Kid saddened at her change of demeanor and hugged her tight. He wanted to make her pain disappear and comfort her. "Lou, please, don't cry," he tried, "Don't worry. I promise I will visit you. Every Thursday I will be there for you."

Suddenly she pulled away quite harshly and stared at him with wide eyes in obvious horror. "No!" she panicked. "You can't go there. Promise me you won't go."

"Why not?" Kid asked in utter confusion.

"I don't want you to see me there," she said with a quavering voice. "You'll see me in a different light if you visit me there."

"No, I won't," Kid insisted. He had resigned to the fact that she would be leaving soon, but now realization that she wouldn't be there one day had struck him, and a longing for her dominated his soul as never before.

"Kid, please. Don't insist." she begged him. "Besides, your life will go on and one day you won't have more time to waste with this poor crazy girl. I don't want to get used to something good and then lose it. Please, Kid, you have to promise."

Kid nodded reluctantly. He was sure that he would never get tired of her and he would go up to the moon if necessary only to see her. Yet, he did not say anything else, and just drew her into his embrace. He wanted to declaim against heaven and scream in frustration. He was damned and it wasn't fair. He was sure that they would be very happy if they had the opportunity. Why couldn't they be like the rest? He wanted to be her boyfriend, her husband, the father of her children, but there would be no courtship, no marriage, no kids. He would just have memories of her, memories of moments like this. Just memories.

* * *

It was a scorching day and the riders had been working on the repairs of the barn for hours. Teaspoon had turned a deaf ear to their protests, and had insisted that the barn was in a pitiful condition and they had to begin work at once. Jimmy and Noah were both on rides, and they had been freed from the arduous task, so the four remaining riders had to take care of the job.

Cody had been huffing and puffing all the morning, and the others were tired of his continuous whining. While Ike and Buck sawed the planks to replace the old ones, Kid and presumably Cody had to nail them on the new wall.

"Teaspoon had a brilliant idea," Cody complained as he stopped for the umpteenth time to have some rest. "He seems to choose the hottest days for this kind of chores on purpose."

"Ouch!"

Cody turned round amusingly and saw Kid grimace as he brought his thumb to his mouth. It was the third time that the Southerner had crushed one of his fingers with the hammer, and naturally Cody could not keep quiet about it.

"Why, Kid," Cody snickered. "You seem a bit distracted today." What's in your head?"

Kid tried to pay him no notice but Buck joined in the bantering. "In reality, he hasn't been his own self for the last few days."

"Really?" Cody was enjoying this. He was fed up with that tedious chore, and the laugh was more than welcomed, over all at someone else's expense. "She must be real pretty to have you so abstracted."

"There's no girl, Cody," Kid answered rather gruffly, picking up the hammer again to resume the task.

"Well," Ike signed, "now we know it's a girl for sure. He always has this attitude when there's a lady involved." Ike snickered and the others joined in the laugh.

"Come on, Kid," Buck insisted. "Tell us her name."

Kid did not enjoy the banter, and her eyes looked daggers at them. Rachel's voice calling them from the porch in the house broke the moment Kid welcomed the interruption gladly, and with a bit of luck his fellow riders would forget the whole matter. The four friends dropped their tools and slowly approached Rachel.

"Why don't you have a break?" she told them. "I've made some lemonade."

They each took a glass from the tray Rachel offered them, and smiled their thanks to the station mistress. "I think I'll tell Louise to join us. It must be really hot in that room." Rachel said absentmindedly.

She went inside, and minutes later she went out again, this time followed by Lou. The girl whispered a shy 'hi', and threw Kid a short smile. She took a seat on the swing next to Rachel and the boys just sat on the porch steps.

"It's really so beautiful and peaceful out here," Louise began. "I'm so looking forward to seeing the surroundings this afternoon, Rachel."

"Oh, honey," Rachel exclaimed, suddenly bitten by the realization that she was supposed to take Louise riding today. "I forgot our ride together, and I agreed to meet Mrs. Williams today."

Lou tried not to show her disappointment but failed miserably. "It's all right, Rachel," she murmured softly. She had been daydreaming about this little outing since the station mistress had told her. The day before Rachel had suggested that they could enjoy a ride together, and she had been excited about the whole idea. Lou had not ridden a horse for years, and she was looking forward to it. When she was a child, her ma had taught her how to ride, and sometimes they went out on horseback, of course when Boggs was not around. "Don't fret, Rachel," she continued. "We can go another day."

"Are you sure, sweetie?" Rachel was really angry with herself. How had she forgotten it? Louise had been so happy and now she would probably miss this opportunity. Today Boggs stayed in the bank till late, and it was the perfect day for this. Rachel did not intend to ask for his permission; she was tired of his stupid rules, and it couldn't hurt him if he didn't know. But now it didn't matter any longer.

"Rachel," Kid called. "I can accompany Louise if you let me. She doesn't have to miss it."

Rachel looked surprised at him, and the other riders' faces were a sight to stare at. "Are you sure, Kid?" Rachel asked him.

"Yeah, of course," Kid said firmly and smiled at Lou. Her heart was beating faster by the minute, and inwardly she was praying that Rachel would grant them her permission. If so, the day couldn't turn better. They would spend the whole afternoon together just like any other normal courting couple. _"Please say yes,"_ Lou kept repeating to herself as she stared at Rachel expectantly.

"Fine," Rachel consented at last. "If you're up to it, I don't see any reason why Lou has to suffer the consequences of my foolishness." Rachel knew that Kid was trustworthy, and Lou would be safe with him. She was glad that at least Kid treated Louise nicely. The others had gotten over that initial attitude of refusal towards Lou, but were still somewhat cautious, especially after what had happened at Tompkins' store. But Kid was different, he seemed at ease with her, and Rachel had watched them in the bunkhouse as they smiled at each other. Nobody had noticed it but Rachel had, and she was glad that Lou had some kind of connection with Kid, some kind of friendship. It was good that she realized that not everybody treated her like a monster, and this afternoon would surely raise her spirits.

* * *

The afternoon was warm and the sun was shining high in the sky. There was not a single cloud and just a gentle breeze was blowing. It was the end of August, and the leaves of trees were slowly turning to a brownish color. Soon summer would be over, and the view that could now be seen would be quite different. Kid and Louise rode their horses across the prairie at a light canter. Lou was clad in a pair of britches, and was riding a tame horse, which Kid had especially chosen for her. She had never felt such a sensation of freedom that she was experiencing at the moment. She could not stop smiling broadly. Lately she was having so many emotions, everything was so new to her, and to top it off, she had all the afternoon to enjoy the company of the man she loved. It was almost perfect, a dream come true.

Kid stopped the horses on top of a hill which looked over a valley. The fields were green and lush, and a small creek flowed across the prairie. There were also clumps of trees around, and the chirps of the birds were the only sound to be heard.

"Oh, Kid, this is so beautiful," Lou said as Kid came and helped her off her horse. He had his hands around her waist and when her feet touched the ground, he leaned on and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Not as beautiful as you," he whispered near her ear, and she smiled sheepishly at him. Then he took hold of her hand and steered her to a nearby tree. They sat on the green grass, never breaking the contact of their hands.

"I wanted to show you this," Kid said, pointing at the area in front of them. "Can you see the land near the creek?" At Lou's nod he continued. "One day I hope to own that piece of land. I know that the Pony Express won't last forever and I'd love to build a ranch there. It's my dream. The first time I saw these fields I felt that here is where I want to build my life. I've been saving up, and I expect one day I'll have enough to buy it."

Louise listened to him carefully and smiled as his eyes shone with excitement while speaking about all those plans.

"And you surely will. I know. And you will have lots of children and a loving wife waiting for you at the end of the day. You'll have everything you wish for. I know."

_But I can't have you_, Kid thought sarcastically, and smiled at her wryly. He could happily trade everything he might have in life for her, at any time. He didn't need a loving wife, but her, or any children, but only hers. "Lou," he began after a few silent moments, trying to distract his own thoughts. "Tell me about your dreams."

"My dreams?" she repeated bemused.

"Yeah, what is it you dream about?"

"Oh, I don't have any dreams. I can't afford to dream," she said evasively.

"Come on, Lou," Kid insisted. "Everybody has dreams. What did you dream about when you were a little girl and you still wish today?"

Louise remained in deep thought for a few minutes. "Well," she started, "I used to have this silly idea about living in a little blue house with a garden full of flowers, and..."

"Blue?" Kid asked teasingly.

"Yeah," she tried to feign to be hurt at his open mockery. "There used to be a picture of a landscape back at home. There was a little blue house with a very cute garden where there was a lady. It was a beautiful picture, and I always imagined that I was the woman in the picture."

Kid chuckled quietly and drew her into a loving embrace. "Don't pout at me, honey. I was just teasing you," he said. "You are nothing like any woman I've ever met. That's what I like most about you. You're so innocent."

"I'm not as innocent as most people think," she looked at him mischievously. "I have other dreams too."

"Do you?" Kid kept his mocking mood.

"Now," she ventured shyly, "I dream that I live there... with you."

"Lou!" Kid sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. His cheering mood had suddenly changed into a sullen one. That was also what he wished too, but he could not let her have any hopeful ideas about him. That would only cause her more pain, and it wasn't fair.

"Why do you get so upset about it?" Lou spoke hoarsely and loudly. "Do you honestly think that I hope that my dreams will come true? I will live in no blue house and certainly not with you. I know what my reality is, you don't have to worry, I ain't having any crazy ideas about you." Her voice was quavering and her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

Kid took her hand and tried to catch her eyes that were cast down. "Lou, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm such a fool," he pleaded with her and kissed her cheek gently and then joined his lips to hers. She responded his kiss heartedly, and after a while they pulled away breathlessly. Their eyes were locked into each other, and Lou reached up to caress his face with her thumb.

"You're my best friend," she said, her voice tinged with emotion. "My first and only friend."

Kid smiled, and kissed her fingers as they brushed against his lips. He looked at her intently lost in the moment. "Your only friend, uh?" he asked, and she nodded. Kid looked at her seriously, and could not refrain himself from asking her what had been nagging him for several days. "Lou ...uh... your father told us that you used to be a reserved and lonely child and had no friends. I find his words quite hard to believe after meeting you. You seem quite friendly to me."

At his words Lou looked down as memories crossed her mind. She tried to push them away, but the images appeared stronger and stronger as if they were happening at that moment.

_"Come on, Sally!" she cried loudly, giggling as her friend reached her breathlessly. "Can't you run any faster?"_

_"Of course I can, Louise," Sally wheezed._

_"Yeah, sure," Louise said sarcastically, and taking hold of her friend's hand she resumed her running._

_The two seven-year-old girls raced along the pebbly path which led to the big house, and when they reached the fence they stopped exhausted._

_"Come," Louise told her friend. "I know a shortcut." They headed for the edge of the fence in which there was a missing post. The two girls crouched, and passed through the opening. They were laughing and teasing each other. Sally was telling Louise a story, and the other girl listened to her carefully as she walked backwards. It was a favorite game between them. Suddenly, Louise stopped abruptly as her back bumped into something. She looked up and, and her big, brown eyes widened in horror when she saw her father's face looking down at her. She could tell that he was in his usual mood and quickly turned round._

_"Afternoon, Sir," she said hesitantly._

_He just kept his cold stare at her, and then turned his eyes towards the other girl._

_"Hello, Sally. How are you?" he greeted her as he tousled her hair in a friendly gesture._

_"Very well, sir," Sally answered._

_"Would you like some candy?" Boggs asked her and opened his hand revealing some flavored sweets._

_"Why, thank you, sir," Sally said and smiled broadly as she took a big chocolate fudge. Louise just stared at them longingly, but did not dare to move or say anything._

_"Now you'd better go home," Boggs said softly._

_"But, Pa," Louise ventured. "We wanna play here and..." Her protest stopped suddenly as she saw her father's expression._

_"Sally's mother wouldn't be pleased to find out that you spend time with her daughter." He turned his attention to the girl again. "Go home, honey. Heed your ma, and stay away from bad company."_

_With a last look at her friend, Sally walked way with a heavy heart. Louise kept looking at her friend in the distance with tears in her eyes. Then Boggs grabbed Louise by her arm, and dragged her back home._

_"I'm tired of your foolishness." Boggs bellowed, "I feed you, clothe you and give you a place to live in. The least you can do is pull your weight around here. Your mother is busy with Jeremiah and baby Theresa. And what do you do? You whine that you want to play"_

_"I'm sorry, Pa," Louise shook with fear._

_"From now on school is over for you. You'll stay here helping your mother, and she'll teach you the few things you can stick in your stupid head. I'm just so fed up with you."_

_"No, Pa, please." she pleaded. "I want to go to school. Sally is there and she's my best friend."_

_"Are you listening to me, Louise?"_

"Are you listening to me, Louise?" Kid's soft voice sounded in the distance, and she snapped out of her reverie. She looked at him confused, expecting to find her father, and not the handsome Pony Express rider.

"Ah," she managed to say, when remembering his comment and question, "perhaps I'm just friendly to you." she teased him and drew closer to him. "And now I feel especially friendly."

Kid chuckled, and wrapped his arms around her and once again they joined in a passionate kiss. Unaware of everything around them, they did not notice the lone figure of a man on horseback at the distance who was watching them with an aghast expression on his face.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter XII**

It was just a few hours later that Kid and Lou returned to the way station after their ride together. Lou went straight to the house, and after taking care of the horses, Kid headed for the bunkhouse to have some rest before dinner.

When he entered, all the riders were inside. Cody, Buck and Ike were engaged in one of those never-ending poker games. Jimmy, who had just come back from his ride, was lying on his bunk looking absentmindedly at the ceiling. As Kid let himself in, all of them stared at him. They had been surprised that he had had the guts to take Lou for a ride. They were more at ease with her now, but they would not feel comfortable wandering around with her alone. They did not say a word and just expected Kid to tell them all about his afternoon. Yet, the Southerner ignored their inquisitive looks, and turned his attention to Jimmy.

"Hey, Jimmy," he greeted him cordially. "How was your ride?"

Hickok eyed him intently and sat up slowly. "Fine," he said nonchalantly. "And yours?"

"We told Jimmy that you had taken Louise for a ride," Cody piped in, unable to hide his amusement.

Kid knew that he would be bombarded by their questions, and he was not in the mood to answer any of them. He did not feel like making up story just to calm his friends' curiosity. Sometimes he hated their prying and guessing games, and privacy seemed to be as scanty around these parts as water in the desert.

"Nothing special," Kid answered curtly. "Just a ride."

"Well," Jimmy continued. "It didn't look so non-special to me. You seemed to be having a great time, there in Willow Bluff."

Kid felt the color rise on his face, and remained speechless, staring wide-eyed at his friend. He had seen them, he kept repeating. But how much had he seen? He felt fear flash throughout his body, and wished that this was just a terrible nightmare. Jimmy's expression told him what he already suspected. Jimmy knew, and Kid feared that everything would come to light now, and in that case, it would only cause more inconveniences to Louise. Kid could envision Boggs raging and charging against her. The idea of what this would mean made him sick with worry. But Jimmy wouldn't tell, would he? He was his friend, wasn't he? Yet, at this moment he began doubting everything and felt at a loose end.

The two riders kept staring at each other without uttering one single word. The others were clueless of what was happening between the two friends, and simply watched the weird exchange, wondering what all that was about.

"Jimmy, I…" Kid began hesitantly but Jimmy cut him off abruptly.

"What the hell were you thinking, Kid?" he bellowed as he jumped to his feet from his position on the bunk. He had been in shock to see what he had seen. He was not a snooper, and had not intended to spy on his friend. It had been sheer chance that he had just passed by, and catching a glimpse of Kid's horse he had come to check whether everything was in order. Yet, the sight that had met him was not what he had expected in a million years.

"Wait," Kid tried to find an excuse. "It's not what it looks like."

"Ain't it?" Jimmy came closer and glared at him dangerously. "Tell me you and Miss Louise weren't smooching down there."

"What?" the rest of the riders chorused, their eyes wide in shock. Kid felt that he was in front of a firing squad and he wondered when they would fire the last bullet.

"Look," he was at a loss and could hardly find the right words to say. Sighing, he looked down in defeat. "I don't rightly know what to tell you."

"Kid," Jimmy had calmed down a bit after seeing the expression on his friend's face. "We don't want to judge you, but this is so odd of you. I know she's quite pretty and all, but this ain't like you at all. Couldn't you keep your lips to yourself? Kissing her will only bring you trouble."

"Don't I know it!" Kid said wryly. "I've tried everything to resist her, but everything has been useless. It's something so strong that I can't control it. Since the first day I met her I haven't been able to erase her from my mind, and each day is worse and worse."

"But, Kid," Cody continued still shocked at his friend's revelation. "Her? I don't picture you as the desperate type. I can introduce you to at least a dozen women, sane healthy women, and they will be as happy as a puppy, I tell you."

"You don't understand, do you?" Kid bellowed in frustration. "I didn't plan what happened that day in …"

"One moment," Buck interrupted. "Do you mean that this has been going on for a while?" the Kiowa asked baffled.

Kid looked down again sheepishly, and bobbed his head up and down in admission. Then he gathered all his courage, and lifted his gaze to them. "We have been seeing each other for a few days… rather sneaking to meet when everybody was sleeping … since the day of the dance."

"God, Kid!" Jimmy threw his arms to the air exasperated, and came to face him. "What do you have inside your head?" He said giving Kid a cuff in his nape.

Kid glared at him and reached to touch his sore head. Then crossing to the other end of the room, he flopped into his bunk heavily. He hid his face in his hands, and after a few seconds looked up at the staring riders.

"You don't understand. This ain't a whim of mine. I love her," Kid stated flatly, and at the stupefied expression of his friends he continued. "I love her more than anything. She's sweet, kind and funny. I love to talk with her and when we're together, I forget everything about her problems. I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with her. I ain't a fool, and I'm well aware how the situation is, but…" his voice faded away, and he could not find any more words. He had said more than he had planned, but he felt a sense of relief and peace after unburdening his soul to his astonished friends.

The riders kept staring at him. They were not sure what they should say and the best they could do so far was to shut up. Jimmy realized he had been too hard to his friend, and he could understand what Kid must have been feeling. All of them had had bad experiences with women sometime in their lives. He had been in love with women that had always belonged to somebody else. Emma had been a first tender love, and looking back, Jimmy admitted that on those days he had felt the need to belong and be loved, and Emma happened to have just been there. He had been hurt by her soft rejection, but deep inside he had always been aware that it was an impossible illusion. With Sarah it had been so much worse; he had been more than hooked on the woman, and had even had hopes and dreams about her, but she had broken his heart and had deceived him conscientiously. He had been so naïve and stupid. The list did not stop there, but he did not want to think of his own heart-aching experiences.

Jimmy smiled wryly at his bad luck with the ladies and thought it was somewhat curious that all his fellow riders were just as successful with women as him. Cody was always bragging that women adored him, that he was very popular, but in reality he had never had a stable relationship with any girl, and most times he was given the brush-off. Buck had quite enough problems with the townspeople about his heritage and obviously not many women even dared to talk to him. Once he had a strong crush on the last banker's daughter, but she had only used him for her own good and the boy had not wanted anything from women since then. Noah's story was very similar to Buck's. A town full of narrow-minded hypocrites was not the best place for a free black man. And Ike had also had his own portion of disappointment. He had almost proposed to a girl when her fiancé had reappeared from the "grave", and the gentle rider had been sore for weeks. They were really a pathetic bunch, Jimmy thought. And now it was Kid's turn, but his case was even worse. He knew that he loved the girl and seemingly she reciprocated his feelings, but the circumstances jammed their happiness to be together. It was really frustrating to want something that you know you will never get.

"You're really smitten with her, uh?" Jimmy said after a couple of minutes. Kid nodded sadly, and his friend continued. "What are you planning to do? You can't marry her, can you?"

Kid sighed and smiled. "Lou just says 'let's live the moment'. But I ain't sure it will be enough for me. I know I can take care of her. Perhaps we can see some specialized doctor who might help her and …" he took a deep inhale of air. "I just don't know, Jimmy, I don't know."

"Honestly, Kid, I don't envy your position," Jimmy said. "But I hope everything will turn out for the best for you."

Kid smiled thankfully and saw that the other riders echoed Jimmy's words gesturing their encouragement.

"Thank you, boys," Kid muttered. "I just wish she didn't get hurt in all this, I just wish that".

* * *

It was dinnertime, and the bunkhouse was like usual full with its occupants. The riders were having a discussion about some minor subject and were monopolizing the conversation during dinner. Kid remained silent, and kept his attention on the food. After what had happened that afternoon in the bunkhouse, he did not feel like saying anything or talking to anybody. The boys had been very understanding and had agreed to keep quiet about the whole subject. After all, it was just his business, and they seemed to share his views somehow. Kid would hate himself if Boggs got to catch wind of everything just for his indiscretion.

Kid kept glancing from time to time at Lou, who was sitting across from him. She seemed awfully quiet this evening, and the Southerner wondered what was wrong. She was usually cheerful and lively during meals, and this afternoon she had seemed carefree and had been giggling and joking with him. Yet, now she had a sullen expression, and had not even given him one single faint smile since she had entered the bunkhouse. Kid imagined that the reason for her gloominess was that her father had granted more of his generous snide remarks once again. She had come out of the house with him alone while Rachel was finishing cooking in the bunkhouse, and it wouldn't be a surprise if that was the reason of her sudden change.

Louise was finishing her food, and Boggs ordered her gruffly to go back to her room. She nodded, and got up from her seat at the table. Picking up her plate, she went to the sink to wash it up.

"Martin is gonna be here at first light," Boggs said without even turning his eyes to her. "So go straight to bed, I can't afford you to oversleep. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll get there." Louise just nodded and continued washing up slowly and in silence.

"Where's Louise going, John?" Rachel asked hesitantly, fearing the answer.

"Where do you think, Rachel?" the banker answered. "Where she belongs. I received notice this morning, and Martin is taking her back."

Kid felt his breath stop and a pressure seemed to be squeezing his chest tight. The room had suddenly become silent, and the only sound that Kid could hear was a desperate voice shouting in his head. _"She's going, she's going"_. He knew that this moment would arrive sooner or later, but he had not wanted to think about it, and now that it was here he had a strong urge to say something, to do something, but strangely his mind seemed numb. In his confused state of mind he heard Rachel saying something.

"So soon?" Rachel asked. "They said it would be two weeks."

"Well," Boggs answered irritated, "the sooner, the better."

Rachel was at a loss with this sudden piece of news. She knew that she did not want Louise to leave, but she was not sure how she could approach the subject and more importantly how she could convince her husband.

"John," she began dubiously, uncertain of what to say. "I… this ain't right." John gave her a dubious look, and Rachel continued. "Haven't you realized how calm Louise has been during all this time? I know I can take good care of her. Yes, she had a fit, but it wasn't such a big problem after all. We can't send her back! She will be happier here with us than in that asylum. Won't you reconsider it, John? Please," she blabbered away, stumbling over her own words, and sighed in relief as she finally expressed what she wanted to say.

Kid snapped out of his reverie as he heard Rachel speak, and a weak light of hope shone on the horizon. Perhaps she wouldn't have to leave and the thought brought a smile to his lips. He kept his breath waiting for Boggs's answer, and inwardly he prayed that he would consent.

Louise almost dropped the plate that she was drying as Rachel was trying to convince her father to let her stay. She wondered if she could really dream and hope that she would not have to go back to the asylum. It was what she had been looking forward to for four long years, to leave the asylum for good, and perhaps it could come true. Rachel might convince her father, she had done it several times during these days, but this, this wasn't so easy. Could she believe that it could happen?

Boggs narrowed his eyes as he heard his wife, and snorted in disbelief. He knew that Rachel had grown quite fond of Louise, but never had he thought that she would even consider what she was telling him. "What are you saying, Rachel?" he said harshly. "You know she can't stay here. When are you going to understand that she's completely insane?" he snarled angrily.

Rachel was taken aback by her husband's bitterness. She had been aware that it would not be easy to convince him, but she had never expected him to cast his anger on her. However, she was not going to be stopped so easily, and she would see to it that Louise stayed. It was ridiculous that she had to be locked up in one of those terrible places when she was behaving just fine most of the time. "John," she spoke firmly, "we can't send her back. We're her family and it's not fair. You know that we can cope with her… uh… with her 'singularities'. I know about her fits and the images in her head, but we can deal with that. It ain't such a big deal, but it's plain cruel to send her away just for that."

"Just for that?" Boggs sneered at her as he stood up from his seat. He approached Louise and grabbing her by the arm he forcefully dragged her towards the table. Louise tried to break loose, and kept thrashing, but Boggs had taken a firm hold of her. He addressed Rachel when he came to her side, while doing everything to control the girl. "Rachel, I don't care about the fits, I don't care about her crazy ideas. I don't care if she believes herself to be Napoleon or Joan of Arc. What concerns me is this."

He stretched her arm forcefully, and pulling up her sleeve he revealed a series of scars across her wrist. There were at least six scratches of different size on her white skin. Rachel gasped audibly and the rest stared at them with wide eyes. Louise was fighting her father's hold with all her strength, but her efforts seemed useless. She had the sensation of drowning and needed to get away. How could he do this to her? She felt tears prick in her eyes, and tried hard to hold them back. It wasn't the best time to cry, she just wanted to go away and leave the place. "That's why she's there," Boggs continued after a few seconds. "That's why I sent her there. When she was thirteen, she decided to try this new game," Boggs spoke sarcastically. "Wrist-slashing. And seemingly, she liked it a lot because she has kept repeating it over and over since then." He grabbed Lou's face in his hand strongly. "When was the last time, honey? Four months ago? Yeah, just that short a time ago." By then Lou was sobbing uncontrollably and just stared at him. Boggs finally unleashed his hold and the girl ran out of the bunkhouse. The room was silent but Boggs continued his harangue. "Rachel, I don't care what she does any longer. She can slice herself up for all I care. But my children live here, and I'm not going to risk their security. One day she might get bored with her own wrists, and want to try somebody else's, but it will be somewhere else, not here. Understand, Rachel?"

Rachel just nodded and realized that she was as ignorant of Louise's situation as the first day she had met her. She was quite sure that Lou would never hurt anybody but she had no arguments. Louise would be leaving tomorrow, and she could not do anything about it.

* * *

As soon as Louise had reached the refuge of her room, she had dropped onto the floor heavily, next to her bed and had buried her head in the soft bedspread. She had let her tears flow freely down her face once she had left the bunkhouse and the shocked faces of its occupants. Now it was more than an hour since the incident and she was still weeping. She had heard Rachel and her father talk as they had passed by her room on their way to their own. In this moment the house was in utter silence, and the only sounds in the darkened room were her muffled sobs.

She was unable to stop her crying. When she managed to calm down for a while, the memory of her father flaunting her scars came to her mind, and she began weeping heartedly again. She had never felt so ashamed and hurt in all her life. How could he do something like that to her and in front of the riders, Rachel, and Teaspoon? She had never been proud of those scars on her skin, and had tried to hide them from people's inquisitive eyes as hard as possible. Each one of those marks described her pain, her misery, her very soul. They showed her true self and her own vulnerability, and he had shown them as if he owned them, as if he owned her very soul. Louise had felt practically naked in front of those curious gazes and she had felt like dying. _"How dare he? How dare he?"_ she kept repeating herself. Her feeling was a mixture of shame, pain and anger. _"He can drag me through mud and humble me at the lowest point, but this… this was too much."_ He had allowed that dark part that everybody tries to hide to become obvious to people's curiosity. Till that moment she had had at least that secret part for herself, but now she had nothing, she was nothing any longer.

_What will they be thinking of me at this moment?_ She wondered. She had never been worried about people's opinions, and she had done what her wrists showed at her own choice and had never regretted her actions, but now the feeling of shame was suffocating and completely overwhelming. Rachel had looked at her as if it was the first time that she had set eyes on her, as if she was seeing a different person. Louise thought that Rachel was probably kicking herself for suggesting stupidly she stay, and would be relieved to see her go. _And Kid. Oh God_. She hadn't dared to look at him but she guessed that he had received the shock of his life. She hadn't been able to see the painful expression in his eyes, and didn't think she would have the guts to face him anymore. Fortunately, tomorrow she would be gone and she wouldn't see any of them, she thought sadly.

Lou was just pondering all these confusing ideas and thoughts when she faintly heard a soft sound at the window. She did not think much of it but as the sound was followed by another, and then by another, her curiosity took the best of her. She stood up clumsily from her dejected position on the floor, and wiped the remaining tears with her hand gruffly. Slowly she approached the window, and to her surprise she saw who was making those peace-disturbing noises. Down in the yard there was Kid throwing tiny pebbles at the upper window, and clearly trying to catch her attention. She smiled at his sweet gesture, and for some strange reason her recent troubling feelings were forgotten as soon as she saw him.

He stopped when he noticed her presence behind the window and gestured her to come down to meet him like every night. Then Kid saw her disappear from his sight, and he headed to the barn, where she knew he would be waiting for her. He had been tense, nervous and worried since Lou had left the bunkhouse in that sudden way. Boggs' revelation tonight had been shocking to say the least, and since then, Kid had been thinking hard, and wondering what could have pushed a thirteen-year-old girl to try to kill herself, and do it over and over again since then. Children do not think about death, they are just beginning to live.

Kid still remembered when he was that age. Though he was basically alone and there had been too many deceptions in his life, he had never felt such desperation. On the contrary, he had been full of dreams and plans; he had wanted to leave his land and look for adventure, for something new. Even now he felt he had a whole life before him despite the pending dangers that he faced almost every day. He wanted to live and couldn't imagine anything that could have brought him to such a defenseless state. _But she's not like everybody. She's not fine_, he thought sadly, and he had to admit morosely that she would be better off in the asylum, after all he may not be suitable to take care of her, and he wanted the best for her, the right people and place that could help her. His dreams had been crushed in just one second, and the reality had hit him powerfully.

Kid knew that the incident had upset Lou terribly, and had wanted to look for her and comfort her. As usual he had to wait for everybody to fall asleep. They knew now about him and Lou, but he wanted to keep their meetings secret from the rest, at least for her sake. The minutes had never passed as slowly as today. He needed to see her, hold her, and check that she was fine, but he had to be patient. When finally he had been able to get away, he had got worried since she was not in the barn as usual. The house was pitch-dark, which meant that Rachel and Boggs were sleeping, but Lou wasn't there with him, and he had grown more and more concerned by the minute. Unable to stand the uncertainty any longer, he had cautiously approached the house; he needed to know she was fine. He had finally sighed relieved when he had seen her through the window and was now waiting eagerly for her arrival.

Tonight it would be their last time together, and he was missing her already. She wouldn't be here any longer, he wouldn't see her smile, he wouldn't greet her every morning, he wouldn't kiss her at night, and he wouldn't hear her soft voice anymore. He would never see her again and the thought threw a stabbing pain throughout his body.

Somebody cleared their throat behind him and as he turned around and saw her, a smile lit his sad demeanor. He came to her, and hugged her tight. She pulled herself closer to him and tilting her head she let his lips brush softly against hers. When they pulled away, they remained in that position, holding tight onto each other. Lou ventured to look at him, and noticed his closed eyes and his beaming smile.

"Kid?" she dared to shatter the silence.

"Huh?" Kid mumbled without even opening his eyes.

"I… I need something," she stated hesitantly.

"What?" Kid asked and looked at her, intrigued by the hesitancy in her voice.

"I want," she continued, "to do with you … what … what … married people do… in the bedroom." Her voice faltered, and she felt her cheeks flushing a brilliant red.

Kid removed his arms from her small frame, and stared at her with wide eyes. "Lou … no … we… we… can't" he stuttered.

"Why not?" she inquired, deeply hurt.

"Because it's not…"

"Right?" she finished off for him. "You keep saying the same over and over again."

Kid smiled wryly at her quick perception. "Yeah, it isn't," he said flatly. "It's not right". He didn't know what else to tell her, he had no arguments and didn't find any valid excuses to refuse her request. He really wanted her, and hadn't wished anything so much in his whole life. He wanted to make love to her and melt with her as if they were just one. Yet, he couldn't even consider the idea; that was out of question as much as it pained him.

"Kid, please," she insisted. "Tomorrow I'll be gone, and I need something to treasure in my heart, something really special. I have to survive there, and memories of you will make it easier." Her eyes shone and her voice was quavering. "I want to feel loved and love just once. Please."

Kid reached up to caress her cheek, and smiled at her open sincerity. He was lost when those big brown eyes looked at him. He would bring her the moon wrapped up and with a ribbon if she asked him.

"I told you that I ain't as innocent as people think," she smiled.

Once again he met her sweet lips and reveled in the softness of their kiss. He looked at her with the question in his eyes, _"Are you sure?"_ but hers were resolute, and did not show a single trace of doubt. He took her hand in his, and led her to an empty stall. There in the silent barn the two young lovers allowed free rein to their mutual passion in a night that seemed to approach its end too fast.

* * *

The two lovers lay on the fresh hay of the stall, wrapped in a blanket which barely covered their naked bodies. After sharing intimate unforgettable moments, they stayed close, curled up, reveling in each other's warmth. Lou had fallen in a peaceful sleep, and Kid just stared at her, still enthralled by the passion they had just tasted. He could not take his eyes off her, and kept admiring her beauty openly. How would he be able to live without her? He wondered. She had placed herself in his heart, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to forget her easily. But he had to, she would be gone in a few hours, and he would probably never see or hear from her again. He felt as though a part of him was being snatched from him, and he couldn't do anything.

After tonight how could he love another woman but her? She was not the first woman that he had been with, but he had never experienced such strong feelings and sensations before. Everything had been so perfect and magical, like a dream, and Kid did not dare to move as if afraid that everything would vanish into thin air. Yet, after a few more silent moments he could not help it and began kissing her tenderly again.

Louise moaned as she woke up from her slumber, and slowly opened her eyes. She smiled at him as she felt his kisses on her skin. Kid noticed that she was awake, and looked at her bashfully. "Sorry, honey. I couldn't control myself," he whispered happily.

She did not say a word, and just kept staring tenderly at him. His body was hovering over her, supporting his weight on his arms that flanked her body. Lou lifted one hand, and traced his face softly with her slender fingers. "I love you," she muttered out of the blue. "I love you so much." Her voice trembled as she put heart and soul in each word.

Her sincere declaration caught Kid off guard, and he couldn't utter one single word. It was the first time that she had actually said that she loved him, and it had moved Kid enormously. Her declaration only corroborated what he already knew. Lou was like an open book to him, and he had been aware of her feelings without hearing the actual words. As for him, he had been afraid to voice his deep love for her and had always tried to hide it. He had been always on guard not to let anything slip away, because he had thought that expressing his feelings would only cause them more pain, but he had been mistaken. The pain was there, and now he felt regretful for not opening up to her. At this moment he couldn't leave her in the cold, she had exposed her bare self firmly in saying those three words, and she deserved his own sincerity, at least once.

"Lou, I…" he tried to say, but Louise put her index finger on his lips to silence him.

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't say anything. It's perfect as it is. Save those words for the woman that one day you'll truly love and marry. Don't waste those holy and special words on me."

Kid just looked at her sadly, and knew that this was really the end. She would be gone from his life for good and he would miss her smile, her kisses, her eyes, all of her. She would only be a memory, just a memory.

* * *

Early in the morning the whole Express family joined in the yard to see Louise off. She seemed quite calm and resigned to leave. Her face showed signs of the lack of sleep, and Kid could tell that she must have been crying in her room the rest of the night after they had separated. He couldn't believe that this was actually happening, he was losing her defenselessly. He cursed himself for falling for her, and wished that he had never met her. But the thought sent a stabbing pain to his heart; meeting her had been one of the best things that had happened in his life, but also the worst. _Just treasure her in your heart_, Kid thought, _that's what she had told her when they had said goodbye_.

Lou said good-bye to Rachel and the two women joined in a hug. Rachel was crying and promising her to visit from time to time. Kid realized how much the station mistress had grown fond of Lou, but who couldn't? Kid wondered. And his eyes fell on Boggs who seemed impassible and almost ecstatic. The banker just kept rushing her, and Kid felt the need to let his rage free and show Boggs what he really thought.

Then Louise turned to the riders and Teaspoon and said a shy good-bye. Her eyes lingered on Kid a bit longer, and he could see her pain and wanted to hold her as he had done so many times. But he couldn't do it, not even one last time, though his body ached to feel her.

Louise looked away and morosely let Boggs help her on the wagon. He never said good-bye, no 'take care', nothing. She wanted to cry, but she wouldn't allow him to see any more tears. She kept her eyes on him, and managed to smile proudly as the wagon began its march.

Kid remained there, in the yard, just seeing the dust behind the carriage. One by one the rest had left the deserted yard, but he stayed there even when the dust had settled and nothing could be seen. He just stood there looking in the distance. Alone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter XIII**

"Oh, Kid, I have never been this happy in my whole life," the girl's voice was tinged with exultant joy and her brown eyes shone with utter merriment.

Kid smiled broadly at her and hugged her tenderly. He pondered for a few minutes how things had changed, hopefully for the best. He found it hard to believe that he was the same man that had felt completely empty and wretched three months ago. Yes, it was over three months that Kid had been left dejected in the middle of the yard, watching her slip away from his life. As Jimmy said, things got a way of working themselves out, and that was exactly what had happened. After that day, life at the way station had returned to normal, and it seemed as if no Louise McCloud had ever been there. Nobody ever mentioned her name, least of all Boggs, who just a mere hint had him in a nervous breakdown as if she were a bad omen. There was no single indication that showed that she had stayed there for two weeks, no forgotten object, nothing.

Jeremiah and Theresa had come back after spending those days with their aunt, and at first they kept blabbering about the manifold 'adventures' during their short vacation. They were completely clueless about the fact that their elder sister had been at the station while they had been away. Boggs had warned Rachel, Teaspoon and the riders not to mention the girl to the children, and not to talk about her in their presence. The banker insisted that he just wanted to protect the kids from anything that could harm them. "The less they know, the better," Boggs had said. Kid wondered if they were even aware they had a sister as he reckoned that they must have been very young when she had been sent away. Kid didn't think that hiding the truth from them was the best way to act. Boggs would not be able to keep them in the dark forever, and they would find out sooner or later.

Kid considered that in the long run this wouldn't lead to anything good. If he were one of those children, he would feel sad and disappointed when discovering that he had been snatched the opportunity to get to know his sister. Kid was sure that it would be very good for Lou to be able to have a relationship with her siblings, and the children would love to enjoy their sister's company. Though she couldn't live with them, at least Boggs could take them to visit her. Kid doubted that Louise would cause them any harm as the banker had stated. She was a wonderful person and had a great capability to love and be loved, but the problem was that she had been denied the right to feel anything.

It pained Kid to know that she was there all alone, and nobody seemed to care what happened or could happen to her as long as she was out of 'his' life for good. He was well aware that Rachel had wanted to visit her. The station mistress had promised the girl that she would go and see her as often as possible, but so far Rachel hadn't been able to fulfill her promise. Kid knew that this was a matter that had caused tension between the station mistress and her husband. The Southerner had heard them argue heatedly about it. She had insisted that she wanted to pay a visit to the girl, but Boggs was adamant about his attitude. Kid could still remember the strong exchange of words that he had happened to hear. He and the other riders had been lazing around on the porch while the couple had been inside the bunkhouse.

"Till when are we going to argue about this, Rachel?" Boggs had ranted. "We have been through this over and over again, but you seem unable to understand."

"I can't understand that mean attitude of yours," she had barked back. "I ain't asking you to come with me, which would be the most reasonable. I'm just telling you that I'm going to visit her whether you like or not."

"Then go!" Boggs had cried sarcastically. "What's preventing you against it?"

"You know damn well what," she had said. "You never told me where exactly she is." Rachel had calmed down a bit, and her voice seemed softer. "Please John. We can't let her feel abandoned and forgotten. It's just what a good Christian would do and I don't know you, but I can't feel in peace with myself each Sunday in church knowing that she's there. She has already suffered a great deal, and I understand how you feel but at least allow me to bring her some good."

Boggs had remained silent for a few minutes. "Nothing will be good for her, honey" The banker had kept talking to her sweetly. "I'm just worried about you. I don't want to see you hurt and that's where all this will lead to." He had paused waiting for an answer, but as his words hadn't seemed to cause any expected reaction he continued. "Let's just forget about her, and just focus on what is really worthwhile, our family. She's dead to us, and it's not worth caring about somebody who will only cause trouble. She will probably die sooner than later anyway, or didn't you see her wrists? Someday they will be too late, and perhaps it will be for the best."

Then not one single sound had been heard, and the room had remained silent. But minutes later the door had slammed open, and Rachel had stomped out of the bunkhouse. She had headed for the house quite upset at her husband's insensibility. Kid and the other riders had just watched the whole exchange flabbergasted, and said nothing as Boggs had followed his wife just some moments later.

Kid did not know what had happened between Rachel and Boggs after the argument, but she never went to visit Louise. Seemingly, the couple had made up, and she had accepted the fact that she couldn't win this battle. So nothing else had been said about the girl, and she became a vague memory that seemed to disappear a little day by day.

For Kid life had been too hard since the day she had left. His mood had been terrible and he snapped at everybody for no good reason. The riders had stayed away from him, as they understood what he was going through. Kid knew that he was being unfair to his friends. They had to bear his foul temper, and nobody was to blame for the situation. Kid missed her terribly and though they had been together just for a few days, he felt that he knew Lou by heart, that they belonged together. She was part of his life, and Kid had had the sensation to suffocate since she'd been gone. Kid thought of her continuously, and remembered fondly the moments they had shared. That was all he had now, memories, and that was what he would have. He would not see her again in his life, he would not hear her laugh, and he would not just enjoy her presence. The sole thought sent a stabbing pain through his body. He was now in a moment in which he was unsure what direction his life was taking. Till then he had known what his aims were, what he wanted to do, but now everything had crashed. His dreams seemed inane and meaningless. He had always wished to marry, have children, create a family of his own, but he had never thought that this could be so complicated and impossible. The person who he would willingly share his life with was unattainable, and he doubted that anybody else could fill the void she had left in his soul. How could he resign himself to something less when he had tasted what real love was? He remembered the last night they had spent together, he had played it in his mind hundreds of times, and the memory brought a bittersweet feeling to his heart.

Kid knew that he had to do something about the whole situation. He couldn't mourn for something that was not possible all his life, but the more he thought about it, the more difficult it was. He had tried to forget about her, but her memory had seemed to be etched in his mind. He cursed himself for falling in love with her and letting his feelings take full control. He used to lecture himself for his own foolishness. _What were you thinking, Kid? You're always boasting that you're so levelheaded and all, and then you do the most stupid thing in the history of stupidity. There must be something wrong with you, boy. And what did you see in her anyway? Apart from the considerable fact that she's insane, she's nothing much. Yes, she has a pretty face, but I can think of at least ten girls in town that are much prettier than her. And, well, she's so skinny and weedy and her body clearly lacks what everybody calls 'feminine features'. Not one single man would feel attracted to her at all, just a fool like you._ At the end of his reasoning he felt relieved and smiled for reaching some kind of peace, but at the same time he felt a pang of guilt in his heart. It wasn't right to think about her like that. _You have the problem and what do you do? You appraise her like a no-good snob. You're worse than the worst scum of the earth. You claim that you love her and that's the way you treat he_. _You can't deny it, Kid. You do love her and she's the most beautiful girl you've ever met, in every sense_. And once again Kid was in the same spot as at the beginning and the process kept repeating over and over again.

Time went by and Kid had been unable to get rid of her memories and the constant images of her. One day he had woken up from a nap, and to his surprise the other riders had seemed to be watching him amusedly.

"What on earth are you looking at?" Kid had asked them irritated.

The riders had snickered quietly, and were aware that his irritation grew by the minute. They were tired of his foul mood and the situation was almost unbearable. They had let him be as they had understood that he must have been having a hard time coping with his feelings. Yet, his temper had not changed as the weeks had passed, and the riders were fed up with his irritability.

"Kid," Noah had begun, "we just noticed your smile in your sleep, something we haven't seen very much recently."

Kid had just ignored him and got up from his bunk. He was not in the mood to have that talk right now. He just wanted to be left alone and did not need their witty remarks.

"You were dreaming about her, weren't you?" Cody had asked mischievously. "It must have been a very sweet dream, uh?"

Kid had decided not to pay any mind to Cody and his wisecracks. He had started fastening his boots as an excuse to ignore his friends.

"Come on, Kid," Jimmy had bellowed annoyed at his friend's attitude. "We're tired of your childish behavior. Stop it for once and all."

Kid had glared at him, dropped into a chair heavily and run his fingers through his hair. "What am I expected to do?" Kid had sighed. "You don't understand, it's … I don't know."

"We understand that you're hurting, Kid," Noah had said, "but your attitude doesn't make things easier."

"Perhaps it would be good if you talk about it," Ike had signed. "It always helps."

"I know I have been a real nuisance these past weeks," Kid had muttered, "and I'm really sorry."

"Kid, we aren't asking you to apologize," Jimmy had continued. "We miss the old Kid and wonder what has happened to him. Tell us what's wrong"

"I miss her," Kid had blurted out. "I miss her with each ounce of my soul. The sensation of loneliness and grief are so strong that it hurts… it hurts too much. I don't like feeling like this. I'm trying so hard to get over her, but it seems useless. When my mother and Jed died, it was somehow different. I missed them and grieved for them terribly, and I still do. But you learn to accept death as part of life; you're taught that at an early age. But nobody teaches you about this. We're supposed to fall in love and be happy, but nobody says anything about the impossibility of love. I feel so powerless… I really can't even express myself. I constantly wonder what she's doing, if she's fine, and I'm so afraid of what might be happening to her. But I don't have a way to know, and it's driving me crazy."

"Well, Kid, that would be just fine. That way you'll be sharing a cell with her." Cody piped up but shut up as he noticed the glares of his fellow riders. However, Cody wasn't one to be quiet for long and continued after a while. "Come on, Kid, don't pull that long face to us. You know the saying 'the new nail drives out the old'. You just need a new girl, my friend. The world is full of women and it's no use grieving just for one that won't even be yours ever."

"I don't know, Cody. It ain't that easy," Kid had muttered.

"Trust me, Kid," Cody had insisted. "Find yourself a nice pretty girl."

Cody's words had left Kid wondering if the blonde rider was right. Perhaps it was all he needed in order to forget about Louise: a new hope. It was true that what he felt for her was really strong, but could he say it was true love? He hadn't had much experience with women, but he could tell that physical attraction was something completely different from love. What he and Lou had shared was just physical or was there something else? He had admitted that he loved, her but now doubts assaulted him. Could he say that he loved a girl that he had barely known but for a few days? Love must be something deeper than that. He didn't know what could be stronger than what he had felt, but perhaps it was just different. No, he couldn't say that he had felt love, perhaps a very strong attraction, attraction of her whole self and even a need of her, but that was all. He had just felt so curious about the halo of mystery that had surrounded her, but love? No, it wasn't love. Some people could even call it love, and even on some occasions he had believed it was, but now he was convinced that it wasn't.

After clearing his confusing thoughts, Kid had decided to follow Cody's advice. He hadn't been in the mood, but had known that something had to be done. Though he had seemed to clear his feelings for Louise, and he was convinced that she had only been a strong crush, deep inside a little voice kept nagging, and doubts had continuously assaulted him. Yet, he readied himself to find a girl and court her. _That's what I really need,_ he had kept repeating himself. _Louise is just an impossible dream and I'll just keep memories of her._

Not long after he had that talk with the riders, Kid had begun seeing somebody. In reality he hadn't been very selective about the girl, and she had happened to be in the right place at the right time. Kid had known her for a while and he was well aware that she had a romantic interest in him. Her name was Patricia Putman, and though he had previously claimed that he didn't like her, he had accepted her friendly invitation that day in town. In a covert neighborly gesture, Patricia had repeatedly told Kid about her father wanting him over dinner sometime, but since the rider had always known that this was just a subterfuge, he had always refused. Naturally, Patricia was the more likely candidate to benefit from his intention to find a girl, and she had been at the right place and time, and she had been as happy as a pig in muck when he had finally accepted her invitation.

Patricia was the only daughter of a well-off businessman in Sweetwater. Her father owned the most prosperous businesses in the territory. Her mother had died when she had been barely five years old, and Mr. Putman had done his utmost to lavish his little girl with everything. They had been away from the country for many years as Patricia had gone to the best schools of Paris and London, but it was over a year that they had returned from Europe and settled at home again. Life in the west was very different from the starchy way of life in the big cities, and Mr. Putman was happy to enjoy the simplicity of the country.

From the moment Patricia had set eyes on Kid, she had been smitten with him and had wanted to attract his attentions. She had repeatedly hinted him her wishes or had plainly invited to her home, but he had always turned a deaf ear and had refused her insinuations. She had been frustrated at his constant refusals, she had been used to having everything she wished for, and his attitude was getting on her nerves, but when she had almost lost her hopes, he had finally yielded to her charms, or that was what she thought.

After that first time together many others had followed, and it was not uncommon to see the two youths walking through town or picnicking by the waterhole. Kid had to admit that she wasn't so uninteresting as he had first thought, and even though she was not like Lou at all, he enjoyed her company greatly. Most of the time she used to talk about things that Kid had no idea about, but he did not really care, he was just happy to have found her. She was real pretty, even prettier than Louise, and was very intelligent, perhaps the most intelligent girl that Kid had ever met. Subconsciously he tended to compare the two girls, and although he knew that what he felt for Patricia did not hold a candle to what he had felt for Lou, he was convinced that somehow she was the woman for him. Soon he was courting her and the gossip about the new courting couple had spread throughout the town.

Kid used to spend the evenings with Patricia on the ranch, and from time to time she also came to the way station. They seemed the perfect couple and everybody was happy for them. Kid had tried hard to be blissful, and he was convinced that he couldn't be happier than at this moment, but deep inside a profound sadness seemed to drown his soul continuously.

Before he had known what was happening Kid had found himself engaged to her and making wedding plans. He had not actually proposed to her, but Patricia had openly talked about the subject and had assumed that they would marry sooner or later. Everybody had understood that they were engaged, and talked to Kid about 'his fiancée', and he just had to accept the situation. So he had seen himself in the position of having to ask her father for her hand; she had insisted that it was the right thing to do and she was always so persuasive. Her father had consented willingly and seemed very happy to have him as his future son-in-law.

That was where he was now, on the ranch after the formal engagement. They were just finishing having lunch, and were discussing their future in common, well, rather Patricia and her father were discussing. It was clear that the girl was not ready to live on the salary of a Pony Express rider, she was used to some luxuries that Kid could not afford with his current income. She had talked her father into letting Kid manage the business that he had in St Louis. Seemingly, she was tired of living in the country after a year, and missed living in the city. Kid had hardly said one word during the whole conversation. How could he protest when Mr. Putman trusted him and was welcoming him to his family? He felt that they were talking about somebody else, but really they, father and daughter, were discussing his life, and hadn't let him get a word in edgeways.

Despite telling himself he could not be happier than today, Kid realized this was not the way he had planned his life would be. He had always thought that in the months before his own wedding he would be discussing all the plans for their future with the woman he would marry, but apparently he had been completely mistaken. Patricia had already decided how their life as husband and wife would be: moving to the city, his new job, heck, Kid guessed sarcastically that she must have even planned how many children they would have. In all honestly, Kid did not want to live in the city and or work in a gloomy office. He wished to live here in the open and build the horse ranch he had always dreamt about. However he did not say a word, and just consented.

Realization of what was happening fell over him like a ton of bricks. He felt like those henpecked husbands, and he wondered how he had reached this situation. He panicked, realizing he did not want to be there, but it was too late to back off. He felt like a trapped animal but it was no use crying over spilt milk. He was a man of his word, and he would see to it that this marriage would be as successful as it could be. After all, she was a nice girl and they would be very happy, they had to be.

* * *

Kid slid off Katy at the station slowly and with a heavy heart. He had a splitting headache and just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. Kid had listened to Patricia's blabbering about the wedding for hours, and thought that if she continued his head would surely burst. For some strange reason he did not feel any happiness, on the contrary, he felt like a condemned man waiting for his execution. Kid just assumed that the quick turn of events and the unexpected plans were the cause of his mood. _I'm really happy, just a bit jittery. That's all_, he tried to convince himself. He was trying to get used to the idea of what future was expecting him. At least, he had been able to decide about the date of the wedding. He was not in a hurry, so they had planned to get married the following April, that would be five months later. Mr. Putman had agreed that it was a good idea, as they would have more time to get to know each other better and settle things.

Kid headed for the bunkhouse and as he was about to get in, he noticed that his friends had already returned from his weekly shopping expedition in town. He could hear their voices and chuckles and as he entered, he got wind of Cody's last comment.

"Do you think something's wrong with her?" he was saying, but as he noticed Kid's presence he shut up. The other riders just kept quiet, and eyed Kid with a strange expression on their faces.

Kid noticed their change of demeanor and was curious about what they had been talking about. "What's happening?" he asked.

"Nothing, Kid," Jimmy muttered. "Just talking. How was your lunch?" He didn't dare to look Kid in the eyes and tried to change the topic of the conversation.

"Jimmy," Kid's voice was dangerously serious. He hated when his friends tried to keep secrets. "What are you trying to hide from me?"

The riders looked at each other, and finally Buck spoke up. "It's really nothing. We just didn't want to upset you. You have too many things in your head with the wedding and everything."

"I don't need anybody to decide what is good or bad for me." Kid responded. He was losing his patience by the minute after the afternoon he had suffered. "Could you tell me what's happening?"

"It's just that this morning Buck came back from his ride," Cody explained, "and … he brought a letter for Mr. Boggs. It was from … the asylum."

"From the asylum?" Kid questioned with a quavering voice. Buck nodded, and in a flash Kid grabbed his fellow rider from the collar. "But…" he stuttered. "Was the letter from her? What did Boggs say? Did he…?" Kid blabbered away one question after another till Buck cut him off.

"Whoa, Kid! If you weren't trying to squeeze the air out of me, I'd willingly answer your questions,"

Kid let go of him and looked ashamed at his own reaction. He voiced a quiet apology and Buck smiled.

"So?" Kid insisted.

"I don't think it was a letter from her, rather from the very asylum. Her name was not on the envelope, just the name of the home and the address, very formal. And Boggs didn't say a word, he didn't even read the letter, he just put it in his jacket's inner pocket." Buck explained.

By now Kid was pacing up and down the room nervously. He felt very afraid all of a sudden, afraid that something bad might have happened to her. Thoughts of Louise's inert and bleeding body crossed his mind and he wanted to scream.

"Kid, we don't know if something has happened," Jimmy tried to calm him down. "It's just a letter, perhaps it's pure routine."

"That's the problem," Kid sighed. "We don't know a damned thing, and I'm dying of the uncertainty. Couldn't you see anything, some words, Buck?"

Buck shook his head regretfully. "Jimmy is right, Kid. It's no use getting all riled up for something we don't know anything about."

"I'm really scared," Kid admitted. "What if something really bad has happened to her? What if she is hurt? What if she has finally…?" but he could not pronounce those terrible words; he was just afraid that saying them would mean that it was really true.

"Come on, Kid," Cody spoke lightheartedly. "She's not your concern any more, heck, she has never been. As I see it, you have a nice girl, a beautiful one, you're about to get married, to begin a new life. For God's sake, Kid, forget about her. She might well be dead, but who cares?"

Kid was taken aback by the sudden outburst of Cody, and he looked straight at him and sighed. "I care, Cody. I wish I didn't but I care."

* * *

That evening at the way station the atmosphere was jovial and light. Dinner was over, but the riders and the rest of the Express family were enjoying some conversation in a peaceful night. The children were already tucked in bed, and Teaspoon had been telling one of his many tales. The riders had also been nagging Kid on his soon-to-be wedding, but he was not in the mood to talk tonight. He was not really pleased about what was going to be his future, and he wasn't eager to talk about it. He should be happy but he was well aware that this was not what he had always planned, and if he spoke, he was sure that his feelings would be crystal-clear to his family.

So Kid had remained quiet throughout dinner. It was not only his wedding plans that had him this sullen, but also the discussion with the boys earlier. He was sure that something had happened to Louise; Boggs never received any letters about her from the asylum, which only meant that something important had come up. Perhaps she had tried to … no, he couldn't even think the words, and he prayed inwardly that she was fine. The banker did not seem upset or show any indication that something was wrong. But that was not odd as he had never shown any concern for his daughter.

Kid could not stand it any longer, the uncertainty was killing him. He watched as everybody was chuckling at something that Cody had said, but he could not laugh. He needed to know what was in the letter, it was important to him. He knew that it would not be a sensible idea, but he would ask Boggs if necessary; he had to know. He was about to open his mouth as everybody was trying to calm their hysterical laugh when the banker spoke.

"That was good, Cody, very good," Boggs said still chuckling. "By the way, Rachel," he spoke sarcastically, "I have received news from my 'charming' daughter, and this… this is really good, even better than Cody's story."

"From Louise?" Rachel asked surprised. "Is she all right?"

"Uh… yes, from Louise," he said. "You won't guess in a million years what has happened this time. I told you, she's always trouble."

"What?" Rachel insisted. She hated it when her husband used this mysterious air and intentionally delayed the news. "Is she all right? Come on, tell us," she urged.

Kid's heart was racing wildly and looked at Boggs, who looked as if he was having the time of his life. The seconds before his answer seemed to pass ever so slowly that Kid was about to jump from impatience. _"God, let her be fine,"_ he kept repeating mentally, _"just let her be fine."_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter XIV**

The occupants of the bunkhouse looked expectantly at Boggs, who was greatly enjoying being the center of attention. For Kid it seemed as if time had frozen in that moment. He was frenetic at Boggs' hesitancy, and wanted to squeeze the information out of him. He needed to know what was wrong with Louise, but at the same time he feared what the banker might say. He was afraid that his suspects would become true_. No, she is fine, she has to be. Life couldn't be so cruel._ Kid watched Boggs carefully; he wasn't angry, sad or sullen at all as he had been the last time three months ago when he had received the first letter. He had a mocking expression on his face as though he was hiding a pleasing surprise. Kid thought that if Lou were hurt or worse, he wouldn't be showing that air of contentment so openly. The rider knew that the banker wasn't very fond of his eldest daughter, but he couldn't be happy in her misfortune, could he?

Rachel was losing her patience, and urged her husband to say something. "John, are you gonna tell us or are you going to keep us guessing?" she asked quite irritated. She too was worried about Louise, and Boggs' nonchalant demeanor was getting on her nerves.

"Fine, fine," he said, and after a dramatic pause, he added, "She's pregnant."

"Wh… what?" Rachel stuttered, totally in shock "But…how?"

Kid had frozen at his words, and it felt as though the air had been squeezed out of his chest. He was somewhat relieved that she was fine, but the news was not much more reassuring. _She is pregnant, she is going to have your child, you idiot_, he scolded himself. _You got her pregnant. What are you going to do now?_ He gulped audibly and just stared at Boggs who looked unperturbed by the situation. Kid's heart was beating wildly, and he felt his forehead sweat profusely. His face was flushed, and he was having problems with getting his breathing back to normal. He had the impression that all eyes had turned towards him, and vaguely heard Rachel and her husband talking.

"What do you mean 'how'?" Boggs asked his wife amusedly. "Don't tell me you don't know how."

"It ain't funny, John." Rachel said, annoyed by her husband's bantering. She did not find the situation amusing at all. It was not the moment or the place to make jokes. "I mean when it happened and more importantly, who's the father?"

Boggs changed his expression from amusing to sullen in just one second. "I don't care when or how it happened," he said gruffly. "And I don't give a damn who the father is. Whoever he is must be as fine a piece as her. I told you, Rachel, that she was no good, and this is really the last straw."

The bunkhouse was in utter silence as Boggs ranted. Rachel looked at him. He was in his usual mood when the subject was about Louise. Rachel wondered what thoughts were crossing her husband's mind. He didn't look very concerned, and that was even more worrying. In those brief seconds she considered that the best thing to do now would be to check on Louise. Rachel was worried about the girl, and the way that she might have gotten pregnant. Somebody might have taken advantage of her naiveté or even worse. If that was the case, she couldn't imagine what the girl must be going through. And what about the baby? Had John thought about it? It couldn't be brought up in that place; that was unthinkable. But John didn't want Louise here, and they couldn't take her baby away from her. That could be just plain cruel. All these thoughts were bubbling in Rachel's mind when she heard Kid say something.

Kid was having a hard time listening to Boggs' words. He knew he had to say something, but he could not even find his own voice. It wasn't fair what the banker was saying about Lou. He was tainting those beautiful moments they had shared with his disdainful words. Kid knew he had to speak up, he couldn't let him disparage her; it was so unjust. He mustered all his courage and finally spoke dubiously. "Mr. Boggs?"

The banker looked up at him surprised. "Yes, Kid?"

The Southerner was trembling like a leaf, and tried to steel himself against what would come once that he would spill the beans. "Uh… that… baby… I mean… the baby … uh … Louise is gonna have … is … is … mine." His last words came out as a whisper and he looked down and kept his attention on the rough surface of the table in an attempt to avoid his friends' eyes.

"Kid!" he heard Rachel gasp aghast. She was looking at him, eyes wide with disbelief. The riders just looked at him, and Teaspoon seemed unable to articulate one single word for once in his life. Boggs was the only one who seemed imperturbable.

"Are you sure, son?" the banker asked him softly. "You might not be the only one to have had a taste of her."

"John!" Rachel cried flabbergasted. She didn't know what was happening to her men. How could Kid have done something like that? He had always been so responsible and sensible. And John was just being so rude and … vulgar. He seemed to think it was the right time to denigrate Louise even more. Rachel was livid with these two men, and by extension with the whole male population.

Kid nodded at Boggs's question regretfully, and could feel as if Rachel's eyes were drilling into his head. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Boggs," the Southerner tried to say. "I never intended to abuse your daughter or anything. It wasn't like that at all. I would never hurt her. It just … happened" His voice was quavering, and he couldn't tell if his words were making any sense.

"I can't believe it, Kid," Rachel scolded him firmly. "I would never have expected this from you."

"What were you thinkin' for Christ's sake?" Teaspoon bellowed after getting over the shock. "You're supposed not to discredit the company, but seems you have stamped the whole oath. What am I gonna do with you now?"

Kid had not felt so ashamed and guilty in his whole life. He had always tried to do the right thing, and this single time he had let his feelings take full control and everything had backfired on him. _But how do they dare judge me?_ Kid thought. _They don't know what happened between us. There wasn't anything wrong. I just loved, we loved, just that_. Why were they underrating the dearest memories in his life? The situation was totally humiliating, and Kid just wanted to disappear into thin air. He was having a hard time to shun the accusatory looks from Teaspoon and Rachel. The other riders had remained silent, feeling sorry for him, and from time to time they shot encouraging looks in his direction. To his surprise Boggs did not show any signs of anger or displeasure towards him, and his next words were most astonishing.

"Please leave the boy alone," he said. "We all know what it is like to be young. You want to try new things and have different experiences. It's normal at his age, though the election of the girl wasn't very clever of him."

Kid was more than surprised at Boggs' attitude, but he was not pleased at all about what he was implying. That was as far from the truth as it could be. He had never intended to use Louise to his own benefit. There had not been any of the things he was talking about but he could not find the words to deny his accusations. "Mr. Boggs I… I…" Kid tried to say, but nothing came out of his mouth.

Boggs stood and stopping by Kid's side, he patted his shoulder reassuringly. Then he turned and began to serve himself a cup of coffee from the stove. "You should put your fears at ease," Boggs stated after taking a sip from the hot beverage. "You don't have to worry about anything. The problem is solved."

"Solved?" Rachel asked. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Boggs replied, choosing his words carefully, "she can't take care of herself, much less of a baby. What do you think it can be done? I'm not planning to raise her bastard child."

"But… but that's simply outrageous," Rachel cried aghast.

Kid felt completely hurt and broken. He had barely known about the existence of his child for a few minutes, but now that he knew, it was very important to him. It wasn't fair to learn about its existence and loss on the same day. What was Boggs saying? He couldn't be snatched the right to be part of his child's life. It was his, a part of him, and he had a saying in all this. He had to do something; his child could not been refused the gift that life was.

"Mr. Boggs," Kid found all the courage that had seemed undermined just a few minutes before. "It's my child we're talking about. I'm its father, and I should be the one to decide what's best."

Boggs turned around to look at Kid, who was boiling with anger. He couldn't understand the boy, why was he so upset? He had got into trouble, and Boggs had just given the perfect solution. Kid should be pleased and relieved that he didn't have to face the consequences. "It is very noble of you, and I know your sense of pride is very strong. But there's no need in this case. I sent word this afternoon, and probably there's nothing to worry about any longer. You'll soon be a married man, and you'll have plenty of children with your charming wife-to-be."

Kid could not believe what Boggs was saying. His child had to live; there was no way he was gonna allow the banker to take from him the opportunity to be a father to his baby. It was the last opportunity to have a part of Louise with him. He had resigned himself to the fact that his fantasies about her were just that… fantasies. But to have a part of her, this little miracle from their deep love for each other was a heavenly gift. Nobody would take that from him, he would fight for that with all his strength.

Kid got up from his position at the table, and picked up his jacket and riding gear. Boggs watched him silently, and shook his head at the boy's attitude.

"Where are you going, Kid?" Cody asked.

"Where do you think?" Kid asked, and kept picking up his things form his bunk. "I'm going after my child. I ain't gonna let anything happen to him or her." He looked at Boggs briefly, and added. "You have children, Mr. Boggs, so you must know how I feel."

His words really struck Boggs, and he had to admit that Kid's attitude was admirable. The banker knew that he would do anything for his two children; he would move heaven for the welfare of his offspring. The banker did not quite understand, though, why on earth Kid wanted to take so much trouble for a child from somebody like Louise, but of course blood was blood, no matter who the mother was. Boggs guessed that probably he would be doing the same thing in his case.

Boggs took out an envelope from his inner pocket, and extended it to Kid. "Here's the address of the asylum," Boggs said firmly. "It's not a long way, and you won't have problems to find the place."

Kid took the letter, surprised at the gesture from Mr. Boggs. He had never expected that the banker would willingly help him. The rider then voiced his gratitude, and got ready to leave. "I'd better go now," he said. "I need to reach there as soon as possible." He looked around the bunkhouse, and noticed the encouraging gestures of his friends.

"Good luck, son," Teaspoon spoke up, echoing what the rest was thinking.

Kid just nodded at the stationmaster, and headed for the door but was stopped by something behind him. He looked back, and saw Jimmy taking a strong hold in his shoulder.

"Not so fast, idiot," Jimmy said. "You weren't thinking I'd let you go alone?" He snickered. The long-haired rider thought that it wasn't a good idea for Kid to go on his own. If he happened to be too late, it would be devastating for him, and loneliness was not the best company in that situation. Jimmy hoped that his friend wouldn't suffer that deception, and his presence would just mean mere companionship.

Kid smiled at his friend and Jimmy just said: "Let's go."

* * *

It was raining heavily, the sky was overcast with ominous black clouds, and there was no sign that the storm would subside any soon. The two riders had been riding hard for hours, but when the rain began falling like a watery thick curtain making it impossible to see anything, they had been forced to stop and take shelter in a secluded cave.

Jimmy was trying to light a fire and dry their soaked clothes. It wouldn't do them any good if they caught pneumonia on top of it all. Jimmy watched his friend silently as Kid paced up and down the scanty room that the cave offered. From time to time he stopped his frenetic pacing, and had a look at the cloudy sky and the falling rain. Then he muttered a grumble, and resumed his pacing. Jimmy had almost had to draw his gun on Kid in order to convince him that they should stop till the rain ceased. The Southerner had been ready to continue riding through the rain, but fortunately he had finally relented.

"Worrying like that won't make the rain stop sooner," Jimmy said after watching his friend's behavior for a few minutes.

Kid stopped in mid-stride, and looked seriously at his friend without uttering a single sound. He came to sit near the fire that Jimmy had lit and kept silent while watching the flames. After some minutes he looked up at Jimmy. "Can't help it," he said somberly. "I just hate this rain and staying here without doing anything."

"Kid, it's nobody's fault! Relax, for goodness' sake!" Jimmy spoke harshly, tired of his friend's attitude, but almost instantly he regretted his words. He knew that Kid was having a hard time and he had come to help him, not to burden him any more. "Everything will be fine. You'll see, Kid." Jimmy smiled encouragingly and then added. "You haven't said one word since we left Sweetwater. You know, I'm a good listener."

Kid stared at him and inhaled deeply. "I'm gonna be a father! Can't you believe it?" He was smiling broadly. "I've never been so happy in my entire life. It's really incredible. A little person just like Lou and me, a living evidence of our love."

"That's why it's so damn important to you?" Jimmy asked, "Cause it's _her_ child?"

"No!" Kid tried to deny, but seeing the expression of incredulity in Jimmy's face he nodded slowly. "She's the woman I have loved, do love and will love most ever, and I thought I had lost her for good. But this is really incredible. It's the greatest gift that I could be granted, a part of hers, … a part from Louise."

"What about Patricia? She's your fiancée." Jimmy insisted.

Kid sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "Well, yes," he stated hesitantly. "I love her, she's a nice girl. But it's my child we're talking about. She can break up the engagement if that's what she wishes, but I won't abandon my baby." Kid spoke decidedly and with no hesitation. He had had no thoughts about the girl since he had learned about his child. His intention was far from causing Patricia any pain, but he knew what he had to do if she forced him to choose. Kid was still dubious about the whole marrying thing; he was a man of his word and he would marry her, but he was still wondering how things between him and Patricia had reached to such a serious point.

"Kid, I don't want to play devil's advocate," Jimmy continued. "But are you completely sure that the child is yours? You didn't get to know Louise that much."

"Of course it's mine," Kid bellowed and stood up gruffly, annoyed at Jimmy. "I'm tired of all your insinuations, all your speculation about her. I'm dead tired of hearing all of you thinking the worst of her. She is sadly sick, but she's an incredible person, the best person I've ever met. She ain't the kind of person everybody thinks she is, but nobody has any wish to get to know her."

Jimmy grabbed his friend by the arm to calm him down. "I'm sorry, Kid," he said bashfully. "You're right. That was uncalled for, and I have no right to doubt her."

"It's fine, Jimmy," Kid spoke more calmly now. "I know you're just trying to be a good friend and protect me. But I… I have to defend her myself, she's got no one," he said sadly and looked down at the still burning fire.

The two riders kept silent for long minutes, each one in deep thought. Jimmy prayed that they would not arrive too late. It was clear that Kid loved the girl, and this baby was his last hope for what was not meant to be. If he lost that baby too, Jimmy thought that it would be a terrible blow for his friend. Then suddenly Jimmy noticed something and turned to Kid.

"Hey, can you hear that?" he asked.

"What?" Kid kept silent for a few seconds trying to listen to the sounds of the night. "I can't hear anything, Jimmy."

Jimmy just snickered at Kid and quickly added. "That's it. It's not raining any more."

Kid looked out of the cave and realized that Jimmy was right. It had stopped raining, and the realization brought a sense of relief to his heart. Kid was still afraid of what they would meet when they arrived. But at least now they could continue their ride, and a ray of hope began shining in the dark sky.

* * *

The two riders arrived at the asylum late in the evening after spending long hours riding hard, just stopping occasionally to water the horses or to have a bite. It was the worst ride that they had ever done. The roads were muddy and slippery after the heavy rain that had fallen the night before, and also they had to bear the cold and damp air of that autumnal day, but the worst was the uncertainty of what they would find at the end of their ride.

Finally they were in front of the building, the place that was Louise's home. It was a vast construction in the middle of nowhere. The building was secluded in the glade of a wood. There was not one single window open in the wall they were facing now, and the tall brick façade was almost filled with the huge sturdy wooden door. It was getting dark, and in the distance they could hear the howling of the wolves or the call of some owl.

The riders descended from their horses cautiously, and tethered them to a nearby tree. Then they climbed the marble steps that led to the entrance. They stood for a few seconds in front of the huge door, and after a while Kid gripped the heavy knocker and hit the door several times. The bangs resounded in the stillness of the evening. The creepy surroundings were making Jimmy nervous, and he kept looking behind his back as if waiting for something or somebody to jump over them at any moment.

"This place really gives me the creeps," he said apprehensively. "I don't want to imagine what the inside looks like."

"Hush up, Jimmy," Kid said, and knocked at the door again. Then a scream sounded, and the two riders almost jumped out of their skins. Jimmy drew his gun and looked fearfully around. Kid had also been taken aback and felt a cold sensation run throughout his body.

"Kid, we'd better hurry up, and leave this place quickly," Jimmy said cautiously. "I don't like it."

At that moment the heavy door creaked open, and they had to squint their eyes to see in the dim light. There was nobody inside, and they cautiously began advancing slowly. They looked around the dim hall which appeared before them. The room was deserted, and they ventured to step in. As soon as the two riders were inside, the door slammed close. The two friends turned around startled and out of the blue a lady appeared. She was dressed in black, and her countenance was stern and stiff.

"Welcome to 'Tormented Souls', gentlemen." She spoke with a serious voice. "What can I do for you?"

Kid jerked his arm free, which Jimmy had taken a firm hold of in the fright, and tried to find his own voice. "We'd like to see a young lady who lives here. Miss Louise McCloud."

The lady kept her firm expression, and without turning her eyes she answered after a few seconds. "There must be some kind of mistake. Miss McCloud is one of our internees, but she's not allowed to receive visits. And now … it's late and I beg you to leave." She said, and tried to steer the riders to the door.

Kid did not like the way this woman tried to turn him away; he wasn't going to allow being dismissed so easily after riding in this hellish weather all the way from Sweetwater. Kid was frustrated, tired, and furious. He turned around, and took the woman by her arm, and without giving it a second thought, he drew his gun on her. He was losing his temper. The woman tried to get free and kept thrashing, but Kid reinforced his hold of her.

"Ma'am, I'm usually a gentleman," Kid spoke threateningly, "but I'll forget my manners if you don't tell us where Miss McCloud is."

For the first time the woman looked at Kid in the eyes, and could tell that the blue-eyed boy was not joking. "She's in the surgery, on the third floor," she said reluctantly through gritted teeth.

Kid shoved her free, and the lady landed against a wall shivering. She didn't try to move and stop the two boys, who were going up the stairs quickly.

The two riders reached the third floor, and began advancing along the dark corridor. On both sides of the passage there were doors, and some of the internees were lazing around the place. As they dashed forwards, Jimmy watched the people scattered along the corridor. A woman was on her knees on the floor, rocking to and fro, hugging and caressing a cloth in her arms and humming a lullaby. She looked up as Jimmy was passing by, and she smiled at him. Beyond her there were a couple of old men discussing loudly and unintelligibly, and a lady by their side was sobbing and screaming. _This place is a living hell_, Jimmy thought and followed Kid, who had stopped before a door.

"Here it is," Kid said and tried to doorknob. "Damn, it's locked."

"Let me," Jimmy said and launched himself against the door strongly, breaking it open. The two riders rushed inside, and as soon as he entered, Kid saw her. She was lying on some kind of table, seemingly unconscious, and flanked by two men in white coats. Her face showed bruises, signs that showed that somebody had not treated her very kindly. Her lip was swollen and bleeding, and one of her eyes had a shiner. Kid also noticed that her long beautiful hair was gone, and now she wore it as short as a man's. The Southerner continued running his eyes over her frenetically, and then he saw it. Blood. On the fabric of the gown she was wearing there was a big spot of blood, her blood. He shifted his eyes to the two men. His eyes were burning with rage, and he just demanded in a very loud voice, "What the hell did you do to her?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter XV**

Kid looked dangerously at the men who were flanking Louise's lying body. One of them was older, and his expression denoted annoyance at the interruption. He was a sturdy man, and his overweight appearance gave him a certain air of superiority. The other man was quite young, close to Kid's age. Contrary to his colleague, he had an expression of utter confusion, and seemed quite apprehensive as soon as he had seen the two riders bursting in with their guns.

Kid let his eyes travel over Louise once again, and felt his blood boil at the sight of her condition. Not only had they done what he had tried to prevent, but also those beasts had hit her. Her mauled body was evidence. Kid was livid with fury, and felt an immense desire to punch them hard, beat them to a pulp, anything to let the suffocating pain within him out.

"Who are you?" the older man asked angrily after a few moments. "And what are you doing here?"

Kid came closer with an unfriendly expression. "That ain't your concern," his voice was dangerously low, expressing a covert threat. "I just want to know what on earth you did to her." He uttered each word slowly and purposely, making it clear how he felt. "Why is she unconscious? Why does she look like hell? And what…?" His voice faltered as he felt unable to ask the last question, the dreaded last question.

"Please, sir, calm down," the younger man answered. "She's just asleep, a bit deeper than normal, but asleep. We had to give her some laudanum to soothe her. She didn't allow us to come closer to her; she was out of control as if she were possessed."

"And the bruises on her face?" Kid insisted. His face was contorted with rage, and the answers that this man was gluing were enraging him even more. The young man kept silent and diverted his eyes from Kid's cold stare. "Speak up!" Kid ordered loudly. He was losing his patience and seemed to be about to burst at any moment. His hands were clenched in fists, and he was sure he would do something he might regret later if these men did not begin talking.

"Look," the older man intervened, "I don't know who you are, but this lady here is under our surveillance, and you don't have any right to demand anything. But if you want to know. Perhaps we were a bit hard, I guess, but sometimes that's the only way to treat these people."

Kid was about to launch himself against that impertinent fellow, but Jimmy stopped him. The Southerner was really nervous, and Jimmy thought that it would not help them to get carried away. Then he addressed the men. "My friend here is losing his patience, and would gladly choke the air out of you. I'm very tempted to let him do." Jimmy said, cocking his gun. "And if that blood meant what I think it means, I will do it myself."

The young man looked scared and hastened to soothe the rider's rage. "She just fell and scratched her knee. That's why she was bleeding; we didn't do anything to her. I swear."

"And the baby?" Kid questioned quickly. He was praying silently that the man wouldn't give him the answer he feared.

"She's still pregnant, if that's what you mean," the older man spoke firmly, trying to show that the two young men's threats had not intimidated him at all, but he kept still on the same spot, not daring moving one inch.

Kid approached the table where Lou was lying, and stooped over her. He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand soothingly. "Honey, it's me. Kid." Louise kept as still as she had been. The rider sighed, and taking off his coat, he bundled the girl up in it, and scooped her up in his arms. Carefully Kid walked out of the room, and Jimmy followed.

"Hey, you can't do that," the older man cried, but Kid never heard him and continued on his way without a single hint of doubt.

* * *

As soon as Kid and Jimmy left the asylum, they headed for the nearest town. They needed a way to transport Louise since she could not travel all the way to Sweetwater on horseback. She was still unconscious, and Kid was having a hard time holding her and riding at the same time.

It was late, and the air was cold and humid. The town's streets were almost deserted, the stores seemed to have closed long ago, and just a pair of couples could be seen walking through the town. As Kid and Jimmy rode in, the people kept staring at the oddity of their presence. _We are sure a sight_, Kid thought as he felt the curious gazes on him. They had been riding like the devil, had had to bear the rain, the mud and the dust in the trail. On top of it all, Kid was riding with a girl in his arms, a girl just clad in a nightgown and wrapped in a man's coat. So it did not surprise them that people looked at them with perplexity.

They did not want to spend the night in town, but it would be unavoidable if they could not find a place where to buy a wagon. Fortunately, it did not take them long to do their business at the local stables, and get the carriage they needed.

Kid placed Louise in the back of the wagon, and tucked her in with several blankets. She hadn't woken or moved yet, and Kid was frantic with worry. Jimmy tried to soothe his friend as Kid finished wrapping another blanket around her.

"Kid, she's fine. She's just sleeping. Stop fretting."

"But she looks so pale," Kid said, still concerned. "And look what those bastards did to her."

"She's fine," Jimmy insisted. "And now we'd better get going. Kid nodded, and after tying Katy to the back of the wagon, he placed himself on the seat, and urged the horse into motion.

It was late and after a few hours on the trail they decided to stop for the night. It was freezing cold outside, and the riders felt their whole bodies numb. They were in a hurry to arrive at the station, but on these conditions the most sensible thing to do was to stop.

They opted for building the camp in a glade of a wood; at least the trees would shelter them from some of the cold in the night. Jimmy began preparing a fire, and Kid moved Lou closer to the bonfire, making sure she was as comfortable as possible. He was still sick with worry, and with each minute she remained in the same condition his concern grew more and more acute.

"Honey, wake up," Kid whispered as he stroked her cold cheeks. "You're safe now." However much he tried, she did not move an inch. "It's me. Kid." As she remained unresponding, Kid just sighed with frustration. He had been talking soothingly to her for fifteen minutes but nothing had changed.

"Kid, let her be," Jimmy finally said, tired of hearing his friend's pleadings for the umpteenth time. "She'll wake up sooner or later. Moreover, it will be for the best if she keeps sleeping."

"What do you mean?" Kid asked confused.

"Kid, have you thought what you're gonna tell her when she wakes up?" Jimmy remarked. "That you're gonna be the perfect loving family?" He stole a look at his friend, who in that moment seemed to be struck by reality.

Kid had been so worried about Louise that he had not given a single thought to what he was going to do when she woke up. What would he tell her? It would be so easy just to forget about everything and everybody, and do what he really wished. It was certain that the baby would stay with him; he had no doubts about it, but what would happen to the mother? Kid wished she could share the responsibility to raise the baby with her. They would witness their child's first time of everything. They would laugh, suffer and worry about him or her together. However, Kid knew that this was impossible. Boggs had stated that her sickness would progressively get worse and worse, and she could not live a normal life.

But how could he let her go back to that terrible place again? Kid couldn't understand how she had been able to survive there for four years. She had barely been thirteen when she had been uprooted from her home, her family, to reside in that living hell. Now he understood why she had not wanted him to visit her there, and had got so upset. It would be plain cruel to let her return to that place; Kid knew that he couldn't do that. _I can neither take her baby away from her nor send her away_, Kid thought. But what could he do? Perhaps she could go to another place, somewhere better, somewhere where she could really be helped. Maybe a second opinion would be what she needed. As far as he had seen, the asylum was not a suitable place, but he had no say in this; it was her father's decision, and Kid was not sure the banker would agree with his new ideas.

Kid wanted what was best for her and the baby, but nothing seemed plausible. It pained him to think that eventually Louise would have to be the one to suffer. All he had wished for was to spare her from more heartache, but he seemed to do just the contrary. _She should have an easy and happy life_, he kept repeating. _The way life is treating her is just not fair and I can't do a damn thing about it._

And what about Patricia? She was his fiancée, the woman who he was supposed to marry and grow old with. She was the woman who would theoretically make him happy, but deep inside Kid knew that his words sounded untrue however many times he repeated them. The Southerner had not told her anything about this unexpected turn of events in his life, and wondered how she would react when she learned about all this. Of course Kid had never mentioned anything about Louise or what there had been between them. It wasn't something that he could brag about, and much less something to tell a girlfriend. Patricia had heard all the gossip spreading throughout the town about the banker's crazy daughter, and one day she spent all the afternoon talking about the matter. She had been laughing, making jokes and sharing her mocking and cruel comments about Louise with Kid. He had to bite his tongue and had almost been sick with frustration and powerlessness. The Southerner had even considered breaking up with her at that moment, but later he had backed off. It had been just talk, gossip, and Patricia did not mean anything by that.

Kid did not know what Patricia would say about his news. Perhaps she would break up the engagement, any girl would. It was the most sensible thing to do. She would easily find another man to marry. She was intelligent and very pretty, and Kid was sure that in no time she would have another suitor. In any case, that was for her to decide. Kid was convinced that he couldn't force her to accept his child and he wouldn't be parted from the baby at any costs.

By the time Kid had pondered the whole matter, he was having a splitting headache. He had been musing about all the possibilities, but had not reached any conclusions. The only thing he knew was that he was in real trouble. All he wanted was for everybody to remain unhurt, but deep inside he knew that the hurt couldn't be avoided.

As he kept musing deep in thought, he vaguely heard a moan coming from where Louise was.

In a flash Kid was by her side. Louise was curled up, and had one hand pressed against her belly. Her eyes were tightly closed, and she was shaking with sobs. Kid remained silent for a few seconds, unsure of how to approach her. He briefly exchanged a look with Jimmy, who nodded his encouragement.

"Lou, angel," Kid began with a quavering voice and reached to stroke her hair tenderly. As she seemed unaware of his presence, he insisted. "Louise, look at me."

Louise had woken up to the feeling of the cold air, and suddenly the memories of the previous events before she had blacked out come to her like a ton of bricks. Those men were going to kill her baby, her and Kid's baby, the child she had loved since the first moment she had been aware of its existence. She had been so happy, and those men intended to take that away from her. She had known what they wanted since they had entered the bedroom. She was fully aware what the so-called doctors did; some women in the asylum had suffered a similar predicament at the hands of those men.

She had been getting ready for bed when she had seen them, and she had tried to escape and fight them. Lou did not know where she had gotten all that strength from, but they had found her opposition harder than what they had expected. Naturally, she could not rival those two men, but they wouldn't steal her baby so easily. She remembered receiving a couple of hard blows on her face, falling on the floor hard and then being dragged out of the room. She had been shouting all the time as she was coming closer to the inevitable. They had managed to take her to the surgery and the last thing Louise remembered was the bitter taste of some medicine that the young man had forced down her throat.

Now that she was awake, realization of what had happened dawned on her sorrowfully. Her baby was gone and a cold sensation ran throughout her body. How could they do that to her? Her baby had been deprived of the opportunity to live. It wasn't fair. She began crying, and in her misty mind she heard somebody calling her name. She did not want to see anybody, and she kept her eyes close. Then the voice continued talking. It was sweet and soothing, and it reminded her of Kid. As the person continued speaking, she could swear it was him, but that was impossible.

She opened her eyes hesitantly, and through her tears she saw his blue eyes, and the worried expression of Kid. She looked confused at him, wondering if she was still dreaming or having hallucinations. "Kid?" she asked with a trembling voice.

The rider smiled at her, relieved. "Yeah, it's me," he spoke comfortingly. "How are you feeling?"

It was him for real; she wasn't dreaming or anything. This was really confusing. What was happening? "Fine … I think," she stuttered. "But… but... you…" she tried to speak but could not find appropriate words.

"Just try to get some rest," he continued as he rearranged the blankets around her. "Are you cold, Lou? I think I have another blanket on Katy." He tried to get up, but her hand took a strong hold of his sleeve to stop him.

"I was gonna have a baby… our baby, but…" she whispered but her voice faltered as she felt tears spring to her eyes.

"I know," Kid just said, and wiped her tears from her face with his thumb in a soft gesture. "Don't cry, honey. I didn't let those men do anything. You're still carrying my baby, our baby," he reassured her and caressed her abdomen tenderly.

"Really?" Louise exclaimed with tears of joy.

"Really," Kid stated. "That's why I'm here."

"You came for the baby?" It was more an assertion than a question as she became aware of the reality. She felt a tug at her heart and her mood changed once again. _Of course he came for the baby. You wouldn't think he came for you,_ she scorned herself inwardly. She knew that her expression would give away what she was feeling, and tried to mask her disappointment, but she failed miserably, and Kid noticed her sorrow.

On seeing the sad expression in her eyes, Kid felt forced to say something, and racked his brains for the right words, but what could he say? "Get back to sleep, Lou. We'll arrive in Sweetwater in the morning" he finally muttered with a heavy heart.

Louise just nodded, and closed her eyes after shooting Kid a brief look. He stayed by her side, just watching her. When the girl fell asleep, Kid came to place himself across from Jimmy and took the cup of coffee that his friend offered him.

"That went quite well," Jimmy said after a few minutes in silence.

"Quite well?" Kid exclaimed. "Didn't you see her expression? This whole thing will only cause her more heartache."

"Kid, you can't prevent it," Jimmy stated.

"Nothing should have happened between us," Kid continued, not paying attention to Jimmy's words. "Why is life so damn difficult? We should have the same opportunities as any other couple. I want to take her in my arms and tell her that I'll be there for her and our baby, that I'll take care of them, but… but… Oh, God, why does it have to be so complicated?"

Jimmy watched his friend sinking down in a sea of doubts, confusion and desperation. He could understand what he was feeling, but his role as a friend was useless at this time. He didn't know what he could tell him. "Kid, just get focused on the good things. You're gonna be a pa. You should be happy," Jimmy tried to raise his spirits.

Kid looked at Jimmy fixedly in the eyes and after a minute he said. "Yeah, I should." And then he turned his gaze towards Louise, who was sleeping peacefully, and just let out a sigh. "And what about her?"

* * *

They arrived at the way station early in the morning, and everybody came out to welcome them in expectation. The two riders had resumed the ride after resting for a couple of hours, and had hardly spoken one word after their last conversation. Kid did not feel like talking. He had never felt so confused in his entire life, and he had feared to get to the station as he knew that he would have to solve his doubts and make decisions then. Of course he would have to face Rachel, Mr. Boggs and Patricia. He could imagine what each of them would say and wasn't too eager to have to confront them.

Boggs would not be too happy when they would turn up with Louise. He had often stated that he wanted Lou out of his life, and had no wish to see her or know about her. When Kid had decided to go after her, Boggs had oddly helped him. With all probability, the banker must have thought that the riders would just see to it that the child would live, nothing else. Therefore, Kid suspected that Boggs wouldn't expect them to arrive with Louise. The Southerner had been livid when seeing the place where she lived. He could not let her continue staying there, at least while she was pregnant. He needed to know that she was fine, that his baby was fine. Surely Boggs would be anything but happy at her presence, and Kid was afraid of just imagining what Boggs would say, and most importantly what he would tell Louise.

Rachel was another story. Kid had already caught a glimpse of her mood before leaving, and he guessed she would be in the same temper. The rider thought that she had every right to get angry with him. He had behaved totally irresponsibly, and hadn't thought about the possible consequences of his acts. He wasn't sorry for what had happened between Louise and him, just ashamed of his behavior. He would willingly accept Rachel's harsh words; he felt he deserved them.

And Patricia. He had already thought during the trip about what he would tell her, how he would tell her. He wasn't actually worried about her reaction and the possible consequences. Everything between them had been so fast and seemingly their break up would also be fast. Yet, Kid didn't want to think about it any longer. He would worry when the situation would arise, and that time was closer, now that they had arrived.

Louise had been asleep all the way to Sweetwater. She had not woken up once, not even when Kid had carried her to the back of the wagon. Seemingly she was still under the effects of the laudanum. Kid sighed relieved that at least she looked healthy and fine, and therefore their adventure had not been in vain. Selfishly Kid was glad that she had remained asleep. He felt unable to face her again this morning; he did not know what to tell her and his doubts and confusion weren't clearer at all. As they had approached the station, a voice inside him had been telling him, urging him. _"Turn around and take her away from here. Just run as fast as possible, and take her with you"_. However, he had quelled the nagging voice, and had continued nevertheless.

As they pulled to a stop at the way station, they saw the rest of the family waiting for them. All of them stared at them with expectant expressions. Kid got off the wagon without uttering one sound, and was about to turn round and go towards Louise when Rachel stopped him.

"What do you have to tell us?" she said, her voice tinged with concern. She had been frantic since the two riders had gone on their quest, praying that Louise be fine and the riders get to stop her husband's decision. By her personal experience, she knew that losing your own child could be totally devastating. She hoped that Louise would not have to suffer that loss; she had already had a hard life as it was, and shouldn't have to go through this on top of everything. When Rachel had lost her own child, she had been at a breaking point for months. Even today it pained her to think about it, and in a way she had never gotten over it. It was a pain that would accompany her for the rest of her days.

Kid looked down at his feet ashamed. He was still embarrassed in Rachel's presence for what had happened between Louise and him. Sighing, he steeled himself as he ventured to look straight at her. "Everything's fine. Jimmy and I arrived just in the nick of time. We had to take her from that place. She's now asleep and I think she's fine."

Rachel sighed relieved, and hastened to the back of the wagon to see the girl. She gasped as she saw the condition Lou was in.

"What happened?" she asked.

"They hit her," Kid spoke with clear bitterness in his voice. "Seemingly, it's a normal occurrence there."

Rachel was thunderstruck at Kid's words, and the only possible reaction was to turn to her husband. However, Boggs did not say anything and just stayed in the same spot as he had been since they had stepped out of the house. He seemed unperturbed at everything, and had the same expression as when Louise had last been at the station. He was not pleased at all, and Rachel wondered what he might be thinking. She just whispered: "God help us.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter XVI**

Louise was put to rest in the same room that she had occupied the last time. Kid scooped her into his arms and carried her from the wagon to the bed. She had moaned and said some unintelligible words while in his arms, but she had not woken up. She was sound asleep and seemed to be having some kind of bad dream. _"It's no wonder she has nightmares after living in that place," _Kid thought.

Rachel and Boggs followed him in silence, and watched Kid set Louise on the bed tenderly. He arranged the blankets around her, and finally he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. Rachel was surprised by how loving the rider was acting around Louise. The station mistress had continuously been wondering what had really happened between the two of them. All the riders were good boys, and she had a hard time believing that Kid might have taken advantage of Louisr. Kid would never hurt anybody on purpose, and much less when he knew she was mentally impaired. Now that Rachel watched him and his tender attentions to the girl, she kept wondering. The Southerner seemed completely oblivious of everything around him and just focused his attention on the girl. Rachel had never seen him like this, not even when Patricia and he were together.

"She can stay here for a few days. Then she must return to the asylum," the solemn voice of Boggs resounded in the silence of the room.

Kid turned around quickly and looked at Boggs with wide eyes. "What?" he bellowed. "Didn't you see what they did to her?"

Boggs was about to reply, but Rachel shushed and shoved both men out of the room. That wasn't the place to have an argument right now. Louise needed her rest, and they would wake her with their loud voices. They headed for the lounge, and Kid kept glaring at the banker. As they reached the room, Kid could not hold back, and blurted out. "I won't let you send her back to that place, and that's final!"

"Kid," Boggs was losing his patience at the rider's attitude, "It's sad to say this, but my daughter is demented, and that's the place where she has to be. I lived with her for thirteen years, and I can assure you that we can't take care of her. She's better off there; they deal with this kind of people all the time."

"They seem butchers to me." Kid was not going to be relented. "They hit her or didn't you see her face? And if you remember correctly, she is pregnant with my child and I'm not gonna let anybody hurt my baby."

Boggs was tired of this conversation, but the rider's tenacity made him speechless for once. He had no intention to allow her to stay at the station longer than three days. He did not understand why he had to suffer this nuisance. Why did Kid have that stupid interest in this baby? Both mother and child may well go to hell for all he cared.

"John," Rachel piped in, "she's in a delicate condition and needs special treatment now. She won't cause any inconveniences to us."

Boggs glared at his wife; it was clear that he was at a losing end. "She's already an inconvenience, Rachel," he ranted, and kept silent for a few minutes. Boggs kept thoughtful for a bit as Rachel's eyes stared at him. He knew he was a goner as long as his wife was concerned, and despite his reticence, he ended up caving in. "All right, you win. But as soon as that child is born, she goes back… and that's not open for discussion."

Rachel was about to protest, but the sound of some knocks at the door thwarted her intentions. She headed for the door while she kept deep in thought. John couldn't seriously think that they could deprive Lou of her baby. That would be just plain cruel, she could not consent to that.

When Rachel opened the door, she met the smiling face of Patricia Putman. "Good morning, Mrs. Boggs," she greeted the station mistress with a wide smile.

"Patricia?" Kid exclaimed coming towards the door. "What are you doing here?" The last thing he needed now was this. He could not face her now; he hadn't thought what he would tell her yet, and now it was the worst moment.

Patricia did not say anything, and walked into the room as Rachel gestured her to do so. She wiggled her body in a very feminine way as she advanced towards Kid, who was watching her with a mixture of confusion and apprehension. The girl was wearing a cute pink dress, which accentuated her buxom figure. Boggs greeted her warmly, and the girl gave him one of her attractive smiles. When she was mere inches from Kid, she spoke up. "I'm here because my fiancé has been neglecting me lately." While she talked she toyed with the unfastened button on Kid's shirt, and now and then she let her finger brush against his neck. "I've felt so lonely," she feigned to be annoyed and pouted her lips fussily.

Kid cleared his throat as a way to relax the tension that the situation was creating. He knew that now he couldn't pretend that nothing has happened when his whole life had changed so drastically. He couldn't lie to Patricia. She deserved the truth at least, after all she had, though unconsciously, helped him to get over the bitter situation that he had been in when Louise had left. Now she could decide what would be best for her, and ending the relationship was the most sensible thing to do. Kid was sorry to let her down, but he had never intended things to happen the way they had. Patricia was a girl of great talents, and Kid was sure that she would eventually find a man who would be the perfect match for her.

"I've been busy," he managed to say. He looked her in the eyes fixedly and continued. "We need to talk, Patricia."

The girl was shocked to hear the seriousness in his voice, and could not imagine what was wrong. They had a great time at lunch the other day when Kid had come to ask her father for her hand. They had been planning their future together, and she had never felt so happy. Kid was the man she had always dreamed about marrying one day, and her dream had come true. Patricia knew that his previous plans included building a ranch and living here in the west, but she had talked him into moving to St Louis and managing her father's business when they got married. He had not protested. _He loves me so much. He just wants to make me happy_, Patricia thought. She was tired of living in a rural town where people were rude and ignorant, and she missed life in the city; this little town did not offer her anything that could level her standards. Kid had been so understanding, Patricia was sure that he understood that she deserved something better.

Feeling that the couple needed some privacy Rachel hastened to say. "If you excuse me, I have to check on… uh … upstairs."

"And I need to check some documents in the study," Boggs added and hurried to follow his wife up the stairs.

* * *

Rachel opened the door to Louise's room slowly, and quietly let herself in. As she entered she noticed that Lou was awake, and was looking blankly at the window on her right. Rachel continued advancing towards the bed unnoticed, but she stopped in her tracks as Louise blurted out, "You didn't visit me." It was more a statement than an accusation. Her voice lacked irritation or anger, just tinged with deep sadness. Then the girl turned her gaze towards Rachel, and kept her stare on her.

The woman looked at her bashfully, and felt guilt wash all over her. "I couldn't," Rachel simply said.

"He didn't let you," Louise stated with certainty, and Rachel just nodded regretfully.

The station mistress had given up after much arguing with her husband. She knew that he would never allow her to visit with Louise, and although Rachel was her own woman, she had relented this time for their family's sake.

Rachel came closer and sat on the edge of the bed, and squeezed Louise's hand warmly. The girl smiled and sat up to hug Rachel tightly.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked later.

"I'm pregnant," Louise whispered instead of answering the question, and looked down sheepishly.

"I know that," Rachel said.

"Are … are you angry with me?" Louise questioned, and ventured to look at the station mistress.

"Why should I, Louise?"

Lou propped herself up against the headboard, and let out a sigh. "Everybody seems to be angry with me lately. Mrs. Norris, one of the carers, says that decent girls don't do what … I did." Her voice faded away in her last words.

"What happened between the two of you, Lou… between you and Kid?" Rachel could not help asking.

"I loved him," Louise stated firmly. "I… I love him," she whispered somehow ashamed. "And I just wanted to feel what I thought I would never feel, love. Is that a sin?"

Rachel gazed at the girl with a heavy heart. How could she scold and vituperate her just for loving? It was what all girls dreamed about, love. Unfortunately, in Lou's life things were not so simple, and she had just followed her heart in this exceptional occasion, and that was hardly reproachable.

The station mistress cupped the girl's face in her hands, and looked straight into her eyes. "If it was right in your heart, nobody has a say to tell you the contrary. Don't ever let anybody look down on you for loving, all right?"

Louise just nodded, and smiled at Rachel thankfully. She was happy to be here again, but in her heart she feared the moment she had to see her father. It wouldn't be a pleasant situation, he must be furious, and she was really scared.

Rachel knew that Louise was surely worried about her and her baby's future, but since she had no answers, the station mistress did not want the conversation to take that direction. She didn't like what John had said about sending Louise away after the baby's birth; that would not be right, and she would talk to him about this matter later. Now since she would be unable to answer Lou's curiosity, Rachel decided to steer the conversation towards safer issues.

"When was the last time you ate, Louise?" Rachel asked.

"I don't remember. Yesterday, I think."

"You look thinner than last time," Rachel said deeply concerned. "You should be gaining weight, and not losing it. I'll prepare you something while you get dressed. You come down to have a bite and I'll have a look at those bruises, all right?"

Louise nodded with a smile, and took the clothes that Rachel had lent her when she last was here. "Seems I'm always out of clothes," she laughed as Rachel made their way out of the room.

* * *

"I can't believe it," Patricia said with a trembling voice. She had frozen when Kid had uttered those words that shattered her dreams, her plans, her future. For a split second she had lured herself into believing that she had only imagined the whole thing, but then as she looked into his eyes, reality struck her like a ton of bricks. There Kid was before her with an expression that told her plain and clear that her imagination wasn't mocking her. She looked at him with wide eyes from her position on the couch. He had remained on his feet, and his eyes were downcast bashfully. "You're going to be a father!" she managed to say after a couple of uncomfortable moments of silence, and covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a scream which was fighting to escape.

Kid just nodded as she repeated the words that he had clumsily let out. He knew that the situation would be difficult and awkward, but he had never imagined that it would be this hard. He had mentally rehearsed what he wanted to tell her during the whole trip coming back from the asylum, but now the words seemed to stick in his throat. "I'm really sorry. I didn't plan for this to happen," he whispered softly, and kept wriggling his hat brim nervously. "It happened before you and I began seeing each other."

At his words she began crying and sniffing loudly. After a while she managed to control her sobs, turned her nose up, and kept a cold and distant gaze in her eyes. Kid tried to console her with his words but she seemed unaffected by anything coming from him. So Kid ended up remaining silent, and watching her affected gestures.

After several moments she turned her eyes at him as if she was watching a disgusting insect and said: "Who is she?" Her voice was as cold as steel.

Kid was taken aback by her sudden curiosity. He was not enjoying her current attitude, and could not wait to finish the conversation once and for all. And now she wanted to discuss the details? He didn't feel like sharing this information with her, it was too much. In a way he understood that she deserved the whole truth, but he did not need to hear her scornful words for Louise when she learnt about it. So he fumbled for an excuse. " Uh… Patricia, that's not…"

"Who is she?" she repeated. Her voice was loud and clearly showed her fierce temper.

Kid knew that he had to relent this time. The girl was on a breakpoint and she would find out about it sooner or later. "It's… it's Mr. Boggs's daughter."

Patricia, who by now was standing by him, looked at him confused. "The crazy one?" she asked.

"Her name is Louise," Kid hastened to say. Nobody had any right to insult her and he wasn't going to allow Patricia or anybody to take those liberties. "Look, Patricia. I understand if you want to break it up with me. And…" but he shut up as surprisingly Patricia began chortling. Flabbergasted, he turned his gaze to her and she flung herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. Kid could not be more astonished at her strange behavior, even if a chorus of angels appeared before him.

She disentangled herself from the hug and kept smiling. "Oh God! This is such a relief! It's not as bad as I had thought," she said, glee evident in her voice. "You got her pregnant, so what? For a moment I had thought that a past love of yours had reappeared in your life, and you would leave me. I understand that men have certain needs different from women, I don't blame you. This doesn't have to change anything between us."

Kid listened to her words dumbfounded. What was she saying? He didn't like what she was implying. He was tired of people assuming things. Why did everybody have to think that it was just a respite that had happened between him and Louise? Why was it so hard to understand that they had shared something deeper than a physical moment? "What are you saying, Patricia?" he began, "I ain't gonna abandon my child for anything. Of course this changes things, I'm gonna be a father."

Patricia was irritated at his words. He was making things more difficult than they were. He had no more responsibility for that child than the men frequenting the brothels. They had a glowing future ahead of them. Kid couldn't mess everything up for a moment of … release. "For God's sake, Kid," Patricia said exasperated. "It's not your fault, and you don't have to feel responsible for that. It's her problem as I see it. Let her and her family solve the issue. It's our time now and we deserve to be happy. We're good people and it's not fair. We can give her some money, though I think that's just excessive, and let her carry her own can."

"What?" Kid exclaimed aghast. He couldn't believe what his ears were hearing. Patricia was implicitly saying that he should refuse his own child. He had never witnessed such a selfish declaration. Didn't she understand that he wasn't trying to make amends? All he wanted was to be part of his child's life as it was clear he couldn't be part of its mother's. "I told you I ain't gonna abandon my baby," Kid bellowed irritated, "and that's …"

As he was saying these words they were interrupted by Boggs's presence. He came to them with a smile on his lips while shaking his head. "Let's just calm down a bit," the banker said and steered them to the couch where they took seat. "It's better to discuss this question calmly, and it's no use flying off the handle."

The three of them kept silent for a few minutes. Kid looked at Patricia apologetically. He was still irritated at her but his harsh reaction was reprehensible as well.

"You know," Boggs began. "It's really lovely to see such a lovely couple as you are. It's clear you're very much in love, and you remind me of Rachel and myself. The main thing is you love each other, and you can't let this tiny obstacle mess up with what you have."

"Tiny, Mr. Boggs?" Kid asked annoyed. He wasn't sure what the banker was going to suggest, but he knew that he wouldn't like it. If advice came from him, it was clear who would be at the losing end. "It's my child's life we're talking about."

Boggs just tapped Kid on the shoulder affectionately. "Of course it's a little obstacle. Love is not easy, and you have to get over difficulties that you're bound to find on your way. Rachel and I had to face some challenges, and sometimes it's still difficult. We fell in love since the first day, but I had a family and she had to learn to accept and love them. It wasn't easy for her. A new son. A new daughter and … the additional package," he added bitterly, gesturing upwards. "Miss Putman, wouldn't you do the same for the man you love?"

Patricia looked at Boggs and pondered the matter for a few seconds. "I just don't know, Mr. Boggs," she said sincerely.

"My daughter is a sick person," continued Bogg. "She can't take care of that baby herself, and she won't be a problem for the two of you. Her permanent resicence is a mental home, so she won't have any contact with you or the child. This young man here didn't deceive you in any way; he just made a mistake before having your love. That baby won't know any mother but you. It would be for the best. Don't you think you can overcome your indecisions, Miss Putman?"

Kid listened to Boggs dumbfounded. He was actually helping them but what he was implying wasn't right at all. They were discussing issues that affected Louise directly, but she seemed to have no say in the matter. It wasn't fair for her but could he do something about it? He had no time to consider the options, but an idea had crossed his mind. Perhaps Louise could stay at the station as long as her condition was suitable and controllable. She would be with her baby, and she would have Rachel's help. Kid was sure that she wouldn't represent any danger to anybody, and least of all to her own child. The riders were continuously telling him that he didn't know Louise well enough, but he did. He felt that he had known her all his life and he would stake his life on her. Yeah, that would be a better solution and she wouldn't have to suffer. Then when she got worse he would find a better place for her, a place where she could actually be helped. He wouldn't allow anybody to send her to that horrible asylum again.

Kid was taken out of his reverie as he felt Patricia's hand on his. He looked at her startled and noticed her smile and satisfactory air. "Mr. Boggs is right, darling," she said sugary, "I'll gladly be the mother of your child."

"I… I…," Kid stuttered. He needed to say something; he wasn't going to accept that arrangement. But words got stuck in his throat. How could he say anything now? Patricia had willingly accepted to share the responsibility for his child with him. It was a noble gesture and saying anything against it would just be inappropriate. In a way, it was the perfect solution. Patricia was a good woman, and she would be a wonderful mother. Moreover, it would spare the child any trouble. It wouldn't be easy for him or her to deal with the fact that mama was sick, terribly sick. After all, this would be better for everybody. _"For everybody but not for her,"_ he thought remorsefully. He was aware he was being selfish and acting cowardly. He didn't know what was happening to him lately. He wasn't like that at all. He always tried to do what was right at all costs, but with Louise everything was so different. He wasn't sure what was right or not, and felt like screaming in frustration. He did know what he would like to do, where he would like to be. He wished he was now making plans about the baby and talking about wedding arrangements … with Lou. But no, that wasn't possible. He lifted his gaze and met the amused eyes of Patricia. He tried to say something again. "I… I…" was all he managed to utter.

"Love you?" Patricia asked lightheartedly, but didn't wait for his answer. "I love you too," she said and gave him a brief kiss on his lips.

Boggs smiled at the couple and exclaimed happily "So everything's solved."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter XVII**

Rachel stalked down the stairs purposely before the perplexed looks of the three occupants in the lounge. "What is solved?" she asked again as she came in front of her husband.

Boggs just smiled, trying to gain time somehow. He knew that Rachel wouldn't be too happy with their decision. She was so irrational when it came to Louise that he couldn't understand. Boggs did not want to talk about the matter with her right now and tried to find a way to stall her. He lifted his hand and stroked her hair tenderly. "You look really beautiful today." His face came closer to her as he tried to kiss her, but she pulled away brusquely.

"I asked you a question, John," she stated irritated. "Stop playing your games and tell me clearly." She suspected that these three had been discussing the situation about Louise and the child, and she wondered what wonderful idea her husband had had this time. John was a good man most of the time, but when Louise was involved, he turned into a different person and nothing good could be expected from him. She had strongly tried to understand his reasoning and motives, but she had only concluded that her husband had an irrational dislike for the girl.

Boggs shook his head at his wife's words. He loved it when she got all riled up like that. Her eyes lit with rage and her beauty intensified. He didn't want to argue now but there was no way he was going to shun her questions. "We were talking about Miss Crazy and her wonderful surprise. What else?" he answered sarcastically.

Rachel cringed at Boggs's election of words but decided not to say anything. Now it was more important to learn what the banker had to reveal than start an endless argument. "What about them?" she asked curtly.

"We were discussing their options, I mean Kid and Miss Putman's options," Boggs said and smiled at the pair beside him. "This charming couple doesn't need any additional problems that she might bring. Miss Putman here is a generous girl and is gonna be a mother to that baby. She's gonna marry its father after all."

Rachel was horrified at Boggs' revelation. "What about Louise? Have you told her about your brilliant plans?" she ranted and glared intentionally at Kid.

"We don't have anything to discuss with her," Boggs stated gravely. "I'm the person responsible for her, and this boy … uh… man is the father of that child. She has no say in this matter at all."

"But you can't take the baby away from her," Rachel was stupefied at her husband's plain insensibility. She wasn't going to let him have his way; she wasn't going to give up this time. Louise wasn't alone, and she would defend the girl from her father whatever it took her. "What you're planning to do is almost inhuman."

"What do you want me to do? Let her raise the child in that mad-house?" Boggs bellowed, tired of his wife's foolishness.

"I've been there, Rachel, and it's a living hell. I wouldn't imagine myself there for more than hour, much less my own child," Kid spoke cautiously. Inwardly he agreed with Rachel, they were going to help to crush Louise even more, but even though the notion broke him inside, it was unavoidable. His fantasies about her weren't really plausible. Therefore, however much it hurt, he needed to forget about her and focus on Patricia and the baby. They were his future, his only reality. Jimmy was right; he had to concentrate on the good stuff. He couldn't save Louise from her own life as much as he would like to. She was out of his reach and his stubbornness would only bring trouble. But at least he would see to it that she wouldn't have to come back to that hole again. For now she was going to stay in the way station, but when the time came, he would make sure to find a better place for her. He would persuade Boggs, he had to.

Rachel listened to Kid and remained silent. He was right; they couldn't let the baby grow up in a place like that, but what about Louise? She knew that it was out of question that Lou would live in the station permanently; the girl needed 'professional care' as John called it and they couldn't offer that to her. But what Boggs had called the best solution for everybody wasn't the best thing to do at all. Louise should be like any other girl, and now her father should be talking to Kid into marrying his daughter and doing the proper thing. But no, the reality was sadly much more different. Rachel looked at her husband and reluctantly nodded her agreement.

* * *

Louise got up from bed clumsily. Her knee was still giving her trouble and she had a slight limp. She hobbled towards the rocker where Rachel had kindly left her some clothes. They were the same blouse and skirt that she had worn the first time she had arrived at the station. As she slowly began dressing, she noticed happily that the garments fitted tighter on her body this time. A baby was growing inside her and she was experiencing a series of changes that were more obvious with each passing day. She wasn't showing much yet, but the changes were there. Though Rachel had said that she was too thin, Lou was well aware that her hips, breasts and belly had never been so … different.

It was true that at the asylum she was not very well fed. The food was often nauseating and for the last few weeks it had been even worse. Her stomach had been quite upset due to her condition and she had not eaten much. Louise realized that she may look thinner than most pregnant women, but now she would take good care of her baby and make an effort to eat more. She wouldn't have any problems about it, Rachel was a wonderful cook, and Lou was sure that the station mistress would see to it that she ate abundantly.

She looked at her reflection in the oval mirror that hung over the dresser. Her face was a sight; the bruises were too evident, even more now that she wore her hair so short. Her upper lip was swollen and slightly blue, and her right eye showed a range of colors from black, blue and other variants of yellowish shades on her eyelid. She wrinkled her nose disgusted at her own reflection. Then her eyes traveled over her body. It was clear that she was rounder and broader as the mirror reflected the evidence. The buttons that fastened the blouse were straining against her relatively ampler breasts and in her middle she observed the almost unnoticeable bulge and stroked it tenderly. "Mama is gonna take care of you, baby," she whispered and slowly limped out of the room.

As Louise was clumsily making her way down the stairs she heard voices coming from downstairs. She couldn't tell what they were saying but it was clear that it wasn't just idle talk. Suddenly she froze as she heard her father's voice and feared to continue down the stairs. Her breath seemed to have stopped and all her body was trembling from head to foot. She took a deep inhale to calm down and urged herself to go on. "Don't let him intimidate you. Show him that you're not a little girl any more," she told herself. "Come on; you can do it."

As she continued on her way, she could also hear Rachel's voice and the notion made her more at ease. Louise knew that she would have to endure one of her father's angered fits. Naturally, that would not surprise her. She had always had to bear his unkind and cruel words for just anything; most of the time there was not even a reason for his ire. She was the one he blamed for everything that went wrong in his life. His continuous attacks had made her a shy and insecure girl, and Louise did not dare imagine what he would do this time when there was a clear reason for him to be furious with her. Lou's hands quivered at the thought. In the next step she would take, her presence would be noticeable to the occupants of the lounge and Louise trembled nervously. She breathed deeply and gathering all her courage she continued the last stairs down.

From the last flight of the stairs she could see the four people in the room. Rachel was looking down on the floor next to her father. The banker's back was turned to Louise, so she could not tell if he was angry or not. They were now silent and Lou was clueless about all the fuss that she had previously heard from upstairs. Then her eyes fell on Kid and just the sight of him sent a light sensation to her heart, which made her smile warmly. Yet, her look did not linger on him very long as the girl beside Kid caught Lou's eye.

Kid looked up at her and was the first one to notice her presence. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Boggs, who turned around and kept staring in her direction with a somber countenance. Louise stared back at him and watched him approaching slowly to the end of the stairs.

"Well, well, well," Boggs began to say. "Look who granted us with her presence. Miss McWhore."

"John!" Rachel exclaimed in a harsh tone.

Louise slowly shuffled to stand before him, and steeled herself against what she knew was coming. This was just the beginning, and she was totally embarrassed that her father would insult her in that way in front of Kid and a complete stranger. She looked at him with hurtful eyes.

To Lou's surprise Boggs turned to the girl, who he addressed in an amicable tone. "Miss Putman, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Louise McCloud."

The girl made a brief curtsy and Louise just bobbed her head in greeting. To her astonishment her father was smiling, and Louise wondered why he looked so happy. Boggs addressed Lou again after a few seconds. "Louise, Miss Putman here is Kid's fiancée. They're getting married in a few months."

Louise felt a stabbing pain in her chest as her father revealed the truth behind the girl's identity. She looked at Kid with wide eyes, but he averted his eyes from her scrutinizing gaze. Lou silently admonished herself; of course Kid would get himself a girl sooner or later, but still that knowledge didn't diminish the pain she felt. For months she had dreamed that he came and told her how much he loved her. She had mentally relived in her mind all the moments they had spent together, his kisses, his voice, his smile, his cute gestures that she adored so much, all of it, and over all that magical night they had shared and whose evidence now lay in her belly. She had been a fool for thinking like that, but that was all she had… a little senseless dream which helped her to go on.

Louise realized that her behavior was too evident and made a gigantic effort to smile. "How do you do, Miss Putman?" she managed to say. "And congratulations on your wedding."

"Thank you," Patricia said curtly and coldly.

Boggs continued his harangue. "You really should thank Miss Putman for her kindness. She has gladly accepted to raise and take care of that bastard you're carrying. She's a good and decent woman, who will give that child everything you can't."

Louise turned her huge brown eyes to her father. After hearing his words a mixture of rage and desperation had woken inside her. Her eyes were on fire, and she felt on the verge of tears. "Nobody is gonna take my baby away," her voice was dangerously low, and she pointed purposely at her father. "I'm not gonna let you do this to me. You have no right." Her last words came out as a hysterical claim.

"Ha!" Boggs exclaimed with an amused expression. "And how are you going to prevent it? You are nothing and have nothing! What do you think? That just by whoring around you can have a right on that child? Please, don't make me laugh." Boggs bellowed, his face contorted with rage.

By then tears were streaking her face. She would never be able to get to her father, so desperately she turned to Kid. "Kid," she pleaded. "You can't do this to me. … Please."

Kid kept silent and didn't dare to look at her. From the moment Louise had turned up he had not been able to look at her. She was hurting and he couldn't do a thing about it. _Things shouldn't be like that_, Kid kept saying. She shouldn't be sobbing and instead he should be laughing with joy for her maternity while he would hold her and show her his love. At that moment Kid felt a tug at her sleeve and saw Patricia taking a possessive hold of his arm and looking coldly at Louise.

Lou stepped back as if she had been scalded when she realized that Kid would not do anything for her. The realization brought fresh tears to her eyes as pain coursed all over her. She wiped her tears gruffly, but seemed unable to stop the flow streaking her face. Then she turned to the only person that she could call on. "Rachel?" she stuttered.

The woman put her arm around Louise affectionately and said softly, "Honey, we're doing what's best for you."

Lou turned her shocked, angry eyes to the woman. "Don't touch me!" she bellowed and jerked Rachel's arm off her. She retreated slowly on her steps and looked at the four people in front of her, feeling a deep sense of isolation and betrayal throughout her. Then she whirled around and scampered clumsily up the stairs towards her shelter.

"She won't do anything rush, will she?" Rachel asked as she heard the door of the room slammed close.

"Naw," Boggs answered nonchalantly and kept chatting amicably with Patricia, who seemed as imperturbable as he was after the painful confrontation.

Yet, in a little room on the second floor a dejected figure lay against the white door. She could hear the clear voice of the person who had shattered her poor soul once again. The giggles resounded in the whole house overwhelmingly. Her hands pressed against her ears, unable to hear, unable to see, unable to feel, but even so, she could not help the storm raging inside her, and silent tears fell down from her broken spirit.

* * *

Kid dragged his body across the yard towards the bunkhouse. Patricia had already left, and he welcomed the relief that her departure meant. She had been blabbering away after their encounter with Louise. Kid had only listened to her half-heartedly, his mind becoming saturated with the unimportant and somehow irritating details about the wedding or other small talk. All his thoughts went for the girl that probably lay completely shattered in her room. Kid had never seen her so beaten and felt all the blame on him as he knew that he had contributed to her situation. He had not planned for things to happen this way. What Mr. Boggs had suggested might be the most reasonable thing to do, but nobody had thought about Louise's feelings. They had wiped her off the map, and nobody seemed to care. For the whole world she was a nuisance, a pain in the neck, definitely trouble, and he who swore to himself he loved her with all his heart was not better. Kid felt like the worst scum on the face of the earth. She was the woman he adored, the mother of his child, and he had treated her like rubbish, like everybody else did.

Kid opened the door of the bunkhouse and got in slowly. He went straight to his bed, and as if he did not have more energy, he simply let his head lean against the frame of the bunk. The other riders were there, talking lightheartedly to Teaspoon, but the tone of their conversation lowered as soon as Kid showed up. This was the worst day in his life, and he only needed to be left alone and sleep for a long, long time. His head was aching terribly and an indescribable pain in his chest made him suffocate.

The riders were watching the miserable figure of Kid leaning against his bunk, their voices faded to silence. Even though Kid had not told them anything yet, they could guess that things had not gone too well. Yet, Cody couldn't control his curiosity and spoke up, paying no attention to the glares of his friends.

"Kid, what's the problem? The idea of becoming a pa doesn't appeal to you after all?" he gave a self-satisfactory grin. "I guess she must be crazy over it. Wait a minute… she's already crazy, ain't she?" Without realizing his tactless joke, Cody began chortling loudly.

Kid turned around to watch the blonde rider seated on a bench at the table, almost doubled up hysterically. Kid's face spoke loud and clear that Cody's antics had reached his limit. The Southerner felt the anger burst within him and without thinking about it twice, he took a chair nearby Kid threw it dangerously in the direction of Cody's position. Fortunately, the blonde rider had quick reflexes and managed to duck his head in time and the chair crashed against the window behind him.

Cody stood up startled and looked at the remains of the chair lying on the floor and the thousands splinters that the windowpane had become. "K… Kid!" Cody bellowed clumsily. "Are you planning to kill me?"

The Southerner approached him decisively and purposely pointed his finger at the blonde rider. "Don't ever talk about her like that!" Kid blustered, pointing a threatening finger at his friend. "I'm dead tired of your insinuations about her."

Ike and Buck had quickly grabbed Kid by the arms and avoid any further violent outbursts while Jimmy had a firm hold in Cody. Teaspoon got up from his seat and came to stand before the Southerner, who tried to unleash his restrains.

"Kid, you're tense like a hen on a hot griddle," Teaspoon said concerned. "What's wrong, son?"

The boy remained silent and kept glaring at Cody. Teaspoon cleared his voice as an indication that the riders should leave them alone. The boys caught the hint and one by one, even the reluctant Cody, slipped out of the bunkhouse.

Teaspoon patted Kid on the shoulder and in silence steered him to take a seat on his bunk. The rider flopped into the bed heavily, and buried his head in his hands. The marshal knew that the boy would talk when he was ready. Kid was the kind of person who shouldn't be pushed too hard.

"Sometimes in life we ride along trails that surprise us with unexpected turns and bends." Teaspoon could not see Kid's face, but he knew that the boy was listening. "Sometimes it's excitin', but on other occasions we felt like fallin' down and down and down, but there's no way back."

Kid lifted his gaze at Teaspoon and sighed. "But what if the trail is clear and smooth but you feel that you should be riding along the other road which is curvy and bumpy? What if you feel strongly attracted to that other road but your horse keeps dragging you along that perfect and plain road?" Kid asked in a desperate voice.

Teaspoon sighed relieved that the rider was opening up to him. "What's wrong, Kid?" When the boy remained silent, the marshal asked again. "Problems with your beautiful fiancée? Or is it fatherhood that worries you?"

"No, everything is all right, just fine," Kid said sarcastically. "Patricia is exultant about the wedding and, well, the idea of a baby… it's…. it's daunting, but I'm happy about being a father. But…"

"But what?" Teaspoon insisted. "Spit it out, son."

"It's her!" Kid stated and seeing the confused expression in Teaspoon he hastened to add. "Louise. We … well, rather Mr. Boggs and my fiancée have decided that Patricia and I should raise the baby as our own." He paused for a moment and exhaled a sigh. "I know that Lou has problems, but… I don't think it's right what we're gonna do to her. If you'd seen her, Teaspoon, she was so shattered. And… and I didn't say one single word, one damn single word. She was there, asking for my help, and I didn't do anything, nothing at all." Kid almost cried.

"Son, don't be so hard on yourself," Teaspoon said softly in a way to calm the boy's confused state. "Sometimes it's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong. You're a sensitive boy and it's logical that you hurt for this girl. But unfortunately, we often have to do what we don't want to and choose the option that hurts fewer people. Just listen to your heart but obey your head."

Kid did not feel better at Teaspoon's words. He knew that the stationmaster was right and eventually he would have to accept the situation and forget about Louise, but his heart still pained for her and his head was not making things easier. Kid smiled warmly at the older man and whispered a quiet thank you.

* * *

That night the atmosphere in the bunkhouse was tense and strained. Cody was still furious at Kid for their confrontation earlier in the afternoon. He was sick and tired of his friend's outbursts. He had only tried to help in every single occasion, but he had only met his ingratitude. What the hell was Kid's problem? He was obsessed with that girl, which Cody did not quite understand.

The blonde rider admitted that his own taste for women was wide and varied. He liked all women, tall, short, thin, plump, blonde, brunette, … all of them, but he couldn't comprehend how Kid could feel attracted to that girl. She was crazy, for God's sake, and they had all clearly witnessed her odd singularities. Yet, the fool insisted on his stupidity. Now Kid even had a girlfriend; a girlfriend who he was supposed to marry in five months. Cody thought that his friend should consider himself one of the luckiest men in the territory. Patricia Putman was not only beautiful, but intelligent, and ingenious, but also very rich. Cody wouldn't risk anything if he had such a girl, and stupid Kid had almost messed everything up with the child matter. Cody had learned that Patricia had surprisingly accepted to take care of the burden as her own, but seemingly Kid was still unsatisfied. What the hell did he want? Cody thought annoyed.

Kid was also in a somber mood but not because of Cody. He had almost forgotten about the incident with his friend, but there was something he could not forget. Teaspoon might be right, perhaps what Mr. Boggs had suggested was the best thing to do, best for everybody. _When are you going to get into your stupid skull that you can't do anything for Louise_? He scolded himself inwardly. _She is sick, crazy, C-R-A-Z-Y. She can't take care of that baby, and the child needs a mother. You, Patricia, and the child are going to be very happy. It's the family that you have always dreamed about having. It's the right thing to do. Yeah, it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel so badly?_

Kid looked around the table and watched his fellow riders. They were chatting amicably with Mr. Boggs; only Cody seemed deep in thought. The Southerner was sorry for what had happened earlier but Cody's comment had sent him over the edge; he was too sensitive after everything that was happening, and Cody had just ignited his anger with his inappropriate comment.

Somebody asked Mr. Boggs about his children, which sparked Kid's curiosity. He had not realized he had not seen the two siblings all day, and he wondered what the banker had planned to do this time in order to avoid their encounter with Louise. Kid doubted that Boggs would keep his children away from the station for so long. He got that right as he heard Boggs say that the kids were staying with some school friends. Seemingly, it was not a sudden decision because of Louise's presence, but something that they had planned beforehand.

"They'll be here early in the morning," Boggs said lightheartedly. He had been reluctant to let them stay overnight with their friends, but they had insisted so relentlessly about Charlie's birthday party that the banker had to grant them his permission.

In that moment the door opened and a rueful Rachel came in. The woman had been in a sour mood all day long, tortured by the deep remorse she felt. Rachel knew that in any other case she would be against what her husband had decided about Louise, but circumstances were different. Louise was not like any other girl, and as hurtful as it could be, eventually John's solution would be for the best.

Rachel was very fond Louise; she had extremely enjoyed her company during the days she had stayed at the station, but this matter was different. A child was involved and it was not something to take lightly. She had initially opposed to her husband's idea in some romantic notion, but her arguments had been so weak that had crashed against reality. Rachel did not really like Patricia Putman; the girl was too conceited and pampered, but it was clear that the role of mother would suit her better than Louise. Rachel didn't doubt Lou's good intentions and the love she had for her baby, but the girl could not control her impulses and her own singular personality. John was right this time, and Rachel cursed him for that.

Rachel took the skillet from the stove, and began to serve the meal around. She had gone to the house to call Louise for dinner, but it had been a useless try.

"Won't Miss Louise have dinner with us?" Teaspoon asked.

"No, I'm afraid not," Rachel said curtly as she continued serving out steaks and carrots.

Kid looked up at her and couldn't stop from asking. "Did she say no?"

"Well, that's saying a lot," Rachel replied bitterly. "She hasn't spoken one word all day long. She just sits on that rocker and looks blankly out of the window. She didn't even turn her gaze when I talked to her. I really don't know what else to do."

"She hasn't eaten anything since we took her out of that place," Kid stated concerned.

"Then let her starve if that's what she wants," Boggs grumbled. He was getting angry at the stir that Louise was causing. Not only did they have to bear her presence once again, now pregnant and all, but also she had the insolence to create more trouble with her behavior.

Paying no attention to what Boggs had said, Kid picked up his own plate and also added mashed potatoes and some peas. "She will eat even though I have to force her to," he said stubbornly. "What is she trying to do? To get sick?"

"Kid, she's just upset," Rachel sighed. "And she has every reason to feel that way. Please be nice to her."

Kid stopped to look at Rachel. She was right and he was not in a position to feel angry. Louise was the victim here and he would the one to benefit. She was carrying his baby, would carry it for nine months, would endure all the uneasiness of pregnancy, eventually suffer a painful labor, and then she would give him her baby. Then life would continue its course. Everybody would be happy, and she would be forgotten and probably sent to that place that nobody wanted to even mention. _Yeah, she has every reason to be upset_. Kid stared at Rachel forlornly and remembering the station mistress words he said: "Always."

* * *

Rachel's white-washed house was in utter silence. The only sounds that could be heard were the heavy steps, slowly approaching the room at the end of the corridor. Kid stopped before the door for a moment before knocking softly. Silence. He knocked again, this time more firmly and again the same answer, or rather, no answer. Silence.

Kid then proceeded to open the door cautiously and enter slowly. He fixed his eyes on the rocker by the window, where Rachel had said Louise had remained the whole day. For one moment Kid's heart skipped a beat as he found the chair empty, but soon his eyes fell on the dejected figure sitting on the edge of the bed. He knew that she had noticed his presence, but she never moved one inch.

He took his time to watch her carefully from his position at the door; he had barely had the opportunity to see her as clearly as at this moment. She was as beautiful as always in spite of the bruises on her face. Her eyes were downcast but Kid could plainly see the signs of her pain. _It is your damn fault_, Kid grumbled inwardly. Then his eyes traveled over all of her and finally watched her middle carefully. It was almost unnoticeable but Kid could see the differences in her. The realization brought him an immense joy, but soon his mood sank again as the reality they were in dawned on him.

"Lou," he whispered, trying to catch her attention.

Silence.

"Louise," he repeated.

Silence.

The rider came a bit closer and tried once again. "I've brought you some dinner," Kid said, trying to sound cheerful. "It smells real nice and I bet it's delicious." Louise, though, did not even blink. She just looked ahead as if she had turned completely deaf.

Kid sighed, realizing that the task was proving to be harder than he had expected. He took a few steps closer and crouched before her. As he placed his hand on her knee, he felt her tense up. A smile of relief momentarily appeared on his lips; at least she was not as absent as she tried to let him think.

Louise felt his hand on her knee and wanted to shout to leave her alone. _You're so stupid,_ she scolded herself. _He just wants to hurt you and you can't stop having feelings._

"Lou, look at me," Kid insisted but Louise kept her eyes downcast. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction to see her pain, to let him trample on her. _All men are the same; he's not better than your father_, she told herself.

As all these thoughts were crossing her mind, she felt his presence closer and closer. She had the sensation to be suffocating, and thought that she was going to faint at any moment. This is too much, she kept repeating inwardly. _Please go away, let me be alone_. But her thoughts blurred out as she felt his face mere inches from hers, and slowly his lips brushed hers softly, so sweetly as the first kiss they had shared not so long ago.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter XVIII**

Louise felt all her initial resistance crumble as soon as his lips touched hers. She had dreamt about his kisses during these three long months, and now she felt defenseless before him. However, while her heart was beating wildly and longed for his touch, her mind kept nagging her, _"Don't let him hurt you any more. He just wants to use you"_. Finally, in a moment of lucidity her conscience prevailed over her own feelings, and Louise managed to pull away forcefully. "Don't touch me!" she snarled while glaring at him threateningly. As a way of showing her disgust and shock, she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her blouse without diverting her angry eyes from him.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she bellowed and shoved him off, causing him to almost fall.

Kid smiled at her candidly as he watched her anger course through her. Mere instants before it felt as if he were talking to a block of ice, a shadow, but now here was Lou, the Lou he had grown to love was back. Feeling powerless and at a loss before the wall of silence she had built around her, Kid had only thought of something that could shatter her cold and distant countenance, and it had worked even though he had to use all his willpower not to get lost in her loving lips. Despite the grim circumstances, Kid could not help but smile as he saw the fire back in her beautiful eyes.

"So you're not the ice lady after all," he said lightly.

"Leave me alone," Louise grumbled and looked down at her lap somberly.

Kid took a few steps closer and crouched before her just as he had done before. He framed her face with his hands and forced her to look at him. Louise tried to fight his hold but Kid did not let go.

"Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" she repeated loudly, shaking her head as a way to escape his touch. "Please."

"No," Kid said firmly. "First you have to listen to me." Louise kept thrashing and Kid was afraid that she might hurt herself in her violent movements. "Now it's you and me alone. Let's talk. Please." Kid managed to say, looking straight at Louise's eyes. At his words Lou stopped her thrashing and kept still. Nothing he could say would change a thing or how she felt. All she wanted was to be left alone, and the longer she prolonged this torture, the longer he would stay here. Let him say his say and then he would go.

"Louise," Kid began and sighed frustrated. He had not planned what to tell her and actually he had difficulty finding words that could ease her in some way. She was hurting; he knew that. Kid could imagine what she was going through; he had experienced terrible pain and fear at the idea that his baby would not live. Naturally, things were much more complicated for her.

Louise was receiving blow after blow. After learning that her fears for the baby's life were over, she had to face another cruel reality: being denied the right to be a mother as her child would be taken away from her. Kid was still having an internal fight over the whole matter. He still thought it was not right what they had decided to do, but he felt unable to do anything to help her. He had no say in Louise's life; she was not his wife, nor even his girlfriend. He had no right to decide for her and the fact that she was carrying his baby didn't change things.

Everybody thought that what had happened between him and Lou had been a casual incident, and she had not meant anything to him. He was not in a position to help her, and if he had opened his mouth, he would have hurt more people, and probably it would have been useless for Louise. However, he felt that all this was his fault and that he could do something more.

After some silent moments, Kid looked Louise into her brown eyes deeply and said, "Lou, I know this ain't easy for you and I understand how you feel."

Louise shook his hands off her face furiously and quickly stood up from her sitting position on the bed. "You don't know one damn thing about me and how I feel!" she bellowed, almost in hysterics. "Here you are, looking as innocent as a child while you plot against me… hurting me, trampling over me, and trying to get rid of me as if I were dishwater. I've never been so disappointed in anybody as I am in you. You can't tell me you understand me…" Kid tried to say something but she continued without letting him interrupt her. "You're so lucky. You live here happily, surrounded by family, friends, a girlfriend, people who care about you." She paused a moment to take a deep inhale of air and calm her nerves. "Kid, you were there. That's my life, day after day, month after month, year after year." The tears began flowing freely down her face and her voice diminished to a mere whisper. "I never asked you for anything, you know. I have nothing, I never had anything. And you intend to take the only thing that could bring me a little joy, the only thing that is mine."

Deep, raw pain squeezed his heart as Kid listened to Louise's words. He knew that what she was saying was sadly true, but he couldn't do anything. She came to face her and cautiously put both his hands on her shoulders, looking at her intensely. "Louise," he began hesitantly. "I do care about you. I really do. And I care about this baby as much as I think you do. We have to make an effort to give this child everything we dream about: love, a home, a future. We need to make sure he or she has an easy, happy life. Would you honestly tell me that you can give this child all this, living in that place?" Kid knew that he was being unfair asking her the question, bluntly airing her inadequacies, her problems and in a way humiliating her, but he prayed that she would understand that he wasn't hurting her for pleasure.

Louise raised her eyes to him and once again she looked down quickly. She burst into sobs and buried her face in her hands. Kid was right and in a way, deep inside, she had always known. She had been delusional into thinking that she would be able to raise the baby. The asylum was not a place for a child, and she did not want her baby to endure the same life as hers. She was doomed, and would have to spend her whole existence there, and it wasn't fair to the child. Even though she tried to escape the place and her father's control, she doubted she would manage anything. She had nothing, and she was unable to survive in the world alone. As her father said, she was worthless and useless.

Watching her crumble, Kid felt his heart break into a million pieces. He wished he could erase the pain and make all the problems disappear, but he had not the power. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tenderly. Her body fitted perfectly into his. They seemed to be made for each other, but somewhere the course of their lines had began to divert in opposite directions. Kid stroked her hair softly and felt a lump in his throat. "I wish things were different, Lou," he whispered, "but I can't do anything."

Louise felt a new flow of tears streak her face as she heard his words_. "You could make everything so different,"_ she wanted to scream but kept weeping silently. When she finally managed to control her tears and calm down, she looked up at Kid with eyes full of despair. She grabbed his shirtfront with both her hands as she pleaded with him. "Just promise me something…" Kid looked at her intensely, making her aware that she had all his attention. "You have to promise that this child will be loved and well cared for." Kid was about to protest but Louise continued. "You can't let our baby suffer any kind of scorn and dejection from anybody. You must promise me that it will be treated with love and respect with no difference from any other children you might have … with her." Her worst fear was that her child might live a childhood as gloomy as hers. She couldn't allow the story to repeat itself with; she wasn't going to allow this baby to even catch a glimpse of that life.

"Of course, Lou," Kid hastened to assure her. "There's no single doubt about it. I already love this baby, it's really special to me since its mother is a wonderful person."

"Don't say that," Louise stated gruffly.

"Why not?" Kid asked.

She disentangled herself from his hold, and walked a few steps away from him. His closeness disturbed her greatly, and he had already played enough havoc with her poor heart. She crossed to the window and kept looking through it. Her back was towards him, and she didn't turn as she spoke. "You don't have to sweet-talk to me. You already have what you want. Just make sure you fulfill your promise to me," Louise said firmly.

Kid just kept silent, watching her figure before the window. It was clear that she was hurting, and although he felt the need to comfort her, he kept quiet. His words would not help her, and nothing he could say would make her feel better. His arms ached to touch and give her the support he was denying her, but he remained on the same spot and never moved.

"Please leave me alone," she begged, her voice merely a whisper.

Kid just nodded though she could not see him right now as she kept her gaze directed to the window. "Just try to eat something," was all Kid managed to say. His words seemed senseless, the situation seemed so surreal. She was hurting and all he said was 'eat something'. Everything was so odd; his voice seemed different, as if detached from him, like someone else speaking, but no, it was him. Hearing his words, Louise shrugged her shoulders but Kid decided not to insist.

Louise heard his steps and then the door opened and closed. She ventured to turn around slowly as if fearing that he would still be there when she lifted her gaze. The room was silent and cold, and Louise's body trembled as she kept staring at the closed door. Her miserable life was reduced to that, close doors, and nobody would care to open them and see that she was behind them. The pain she was feeling now was totally excruciating, and she was so empty that her body was unable to react. Her eyes were dry. Yet, a lone tear found its way down her face… a tear that was filled with all her pain, all her agony, all her misery… just one tear.

* * *

That night sleep had come too slowly. The day had been long and full of distress. After Kid had left her desolate, she had felt broken and miserable. Despite the implications for her life, Louise really understood what Kid had tried to tell her. She wanted the best for her baby, and long ago she had come to realize she was far from being good for anybody. How could she lure herself into thinking she could be a good mother? She could not be, just in the same way as she could not bring anything good for anybody else. Her father had made her see reality since an early age. And in addition to all her flaws and inadequacies, she was … everybody had a different name for what she was. Some people trying to be sympathetic called her sick; a few others used a variety of specific names that she never managed to understand, and the majority of people, who included her father, just said she was crazy.

How had she foolishly believed she would be allowed to raise her own child? She was so stupid sometimes. In blissful ignorance, she had been so happy during the few weeks she had been aware of her pregnancy that she hadn't thought about anything else or the consequences. Definitely she had acted like a brainless idiot. She would never be able to give that baby everything it would need. Her father and Kid had already selected a replacement for her… a sane woman who would fill the role for her. What was her name? Oh yeah, Miss Putman. She looked so elegant and refined. Louise had not liked the way this woman had looked at her. It was clear that scorn and hatred oozed throughout her. It was as if she felt that Louise meant a threat for her. _"What a ridiculous idea!"_ Louise laughed wryly. That girl was going to marry Kid and have her baby. She had everything… everything Lou wished for herself.

And Kid. The thought of him left Lou in tears. She hadn't felt so lonely and disappointed before… not even during those long years in the asylum. Although she now understood that she couldn't keep her baby, she was still having a hard time to accept what Kid was doing to her. He had gone behind her back, and decided about her baby without even saying a word to her. Lou could have expected this from anybody, but not from him. Was this the same man that she had loved so deeply? Naturally, they had never talked about commitments or attachments, not even had he merely hinted that he had feelings for her, but in spite of everything she had considered him a friend, her good friend, but seemingly he did not care about her at all.

All these thoughts had been tormenting her, and she had not managed to fall asleep till late in the night. She had been turning and tossing for hours, and on top of it all, her stomach had been quite upset, which had made sleep harder. When Kid had left the room, she had finally capitulated and eaten the food he had brought her. She had surprisingly been hungrier than she had expected and had polished the food off in a wink. Yet, it must have disagreed with her because she had felt nauseous almost all night, but eventually, she had drifted to sleep and got the rest she needed so much.

Unbeknownst to Lou, the door opened a crack slowly, and through the narrow gap, a ray of light made its way to the darkened room. It was early in the morning but the station had wakened to a new day hours ago. Louise grumbled in her sleep but continued in her slumber as prying eyes watched her with utter curiosity.

* * *

"Psst! Jeremiah!" the ten-year-old girl quietly called her brother, who was sauntering out of his own bedroom. Rachel had picked up the children earlier, and like usual they had run to their rooms right away. The boy did not hear her, and Theresa called again exasperated. "Jeremiah!"

This time the boy heard his sister's summons, and sighed. He was quite tired of Theresa's continuous, bothersome presence. She was endlessly blabbering away about the stories her overactive imagination created. She seemed to live in a world of fantasy, and she could be so childish that it made Jeremiah angry. His sister was like a permanent shadow that followed him everywhere, and he wished she would leave him alone from time to time. He didn't need to see Theresa all the time, at home, in the school, everywhere. He was all grown-up, almost a man, and definitely he didn't have anything to do with a ten-year-old girl.

Jeremiah came towards Theresa, grunting inwardly. "What's eating you now?" he asked the girl gruffly.

Theresa kept her voice low as if she was telling a big secret. "There's a girl sleeping in my bed."

Jeremiah rolled his eyes. There again. Theresa and her tales. He laughed wryly. "Yeah, sure. And who is she? The queen of fairies or a bewitched princess?"

Theresa frowned unhappily at the mockery behind her brother's words. "Don't be a fool." She exclaimed loudly, but once again her voice turned into a whisper. "It's a girl, just a girl. Look!" She stepped aside from the door to let her brother have a look.

Jeremiah's face showed unexpected surprise to realize that Theresa was telling the truth as he set eyes on the girl. His curiosity took the best of him, and he kept watching her carefully as light slipped through the opening and fell on the girl's face. After watching her in silence for a few minutes, he turned to Theresa and just blurted out, "Oh, that's Louise."

When he continued walking towards the stairs breezily, Theresa ran behind him as her curiosity couldn't be refrained. "Who's Louise?" she asked expectantly.

Jeremiah stopped for a moment, and looked at her oddly: "Don't you remember her?"

Theresa shook her head, and waited anxiously for her brother to continue, but the boy kept quiet and went down the stairs without uttering one single word. Theresa was losing her patience, and insisted on the question. "Who is she, Jeremiah?"

"She's our sister."

The girl was taken aback by her brother's answer. She didn't know what to think about it. Sometimes Jeremiah tried to pull her leg, and perhaps now he was just kidding like always. She had never heard anything about an elder sister; her father had never mentioned anything about another daughter. Jeremiah was just playing one of his practical jokes. He was as clueless as her about the girl's identity, but he always had to act as if he knew everything. "You're a liar, Jeremiah," she said annoyed.

"It's the truth, believe it or not," the boy assured her nonchalantly.

"Then why isn't she living with us? And why don't I remember her? And why hasn't anybody told me about her?" Theresa blabbered away question after question.

"She was sent away somewhere some years ago. She turned as mad as a hatter all of a sudden." Jeremiah explained. "Pa doesn't like her very much."

The boy shut up instantly when he saw Rachel watching him disapprovingly from the other end of the living room. Jeremiah looked down bashfully. The station mistress came towards him and ruffled his hair affectionately. "That's not a very nice thing to say about a sister, Jeremiah."

The boy nodded his agreement and kept his eyes downcast. He knew that his words had been cruel and callous, but what he had said was true. It was exactly what his father had said about Louise once, and Jeremiah had just repeated what he had heard the banker say. He ventured to look up at Rachel and whispered a quiet 'sorry'.

The station mistress smiled at the boy, and decided it would be a good idea to have a talk with the children. They surely had to be a bit confused at Louise's presence and had a right to know. She steered them to the sofa, and the three of them sat down comfortably.

"I see that you know that Louise is here," Rachel began.

"Is it true that she's our sister?" Theresa asked.

Rachel nodded, and watched the reaction of the children. Jeremiah was quite calm and didn't seem to have a clear attitude. Theresa looked very surprised at the news but at the same time it seemed as the idea of a sister pleased her. "Louise has been sick," Rachel continued. "Actually she's still sick. That's why you haven't seen her for a while. Now she's gonna stay with us for several months because she's gonna have a baby."

"Am I going to be an auntie?" Theresa exclaimed, exultant.

"Yes, honey," Rachel answered, amused at the girl's spontaneous respond. "Would you like that?"

"Oh, yes!" Theresa exclaimed excitedly. Her eyes were jumping with joy. "I'm really happy to have a sister and also about the baby. All the girls at school are going to be so jealous." Theresa giggled, eager to share her news with her friends.

"And what about you, Jeremiah?" Rachel was curious about the boy. He was sometimes difficult to handle since he was quite reserved and always tried to prove something. The boy just shrugged his shoulders and kept silent.

"Well," Rachel continued, "when she wakes up, we'll pay her a visit, all right?"

The children nodded, and hurried to wash their hands for breakfast. Rachel resumed her morning chores and smiled to herself. She had feared what the children would say, but like usual, they had surprised her with their open interest, at least, Theresa. Jeremiah had kept his opinion a mystery, but Rachel did not think the boy would cause any problem. _"It will be good for Louise,"_ Rachel pondered. Last night Kid had told her that he had managed to talk to her, and Rachel had seen that the girl had eaten her dinner. The station mistress was a bit more relieved though her worry and guilt were continuously present. _"Yeah, definitely they will do her good."_

* * *

It was late in the morning when Louise woke up from her slumber. For a moment she felt disoriented and wondered where she was. When it dawned on her that she was not in the asylum, she felt a sudden joy in her heart, but her mood sank as soon as she remembered the events of the day before. Why did all this have to happen to her? Why had she been given the joy of a baby and then to learn that she wouldn't be allowed to keep it?

She had been tormented by terrible thoughts all day long, and had considered to try once more to finish her suffering, but she had given up on the idea. As much as she was suffering, she had no right to deprive the child from the gift of life. She was sure that Kid would see to it that this child was loved. He was a good man in spite of everything that had happened, and it was plainly clear that he wanted the baby as much as she did. What worried Louise was the woman. Would she love and care about this baby as much as if it were her own? Louise had grown up in a similar situation. The man who her mother had married had shown her nothing but his open contempt because he thought she was not his. From an early age she had been aware of his feelings, but she had never understood what was wrong with her, and even now she found her father's attitude difficult to comprehend. He treated everybody kindly… every single person except her, and she did not understand why.

Louise got up from the bed and began getting dressed slowly even though she didn't know why she had to. What she wanted was to carry on sleeping and forget about everything and everybody. As she was almost ready, she heard a knock at the door. A fearful 'come in' came out of her lips. She hoped it wouldn't be Kid again; she didn't have the energy to face him this morning. Their confrontation the night before had left her weak and discouraged. Now that she had reached a certain understanding with herself, she hoped that she could control her mood and fury. She was aware that she couldn't avoid him, but now she did not have enough strength to see him.

The door opened, and Louise's fears were put to rest as she saw when Rachel appeared before her. Lou had also been mad with the station mistress; she had foolishly hoped that she would have at least Rachel's support but she had been mistaken. Even though she was still very upset, Louise told herself it was no use keeping that attitude anymore. She looked at Rachel and kept a stern countenance.

"Louise," Rachel greeted her with an awkward smile. After what had happened, she felt very uncomfortable, and didn't know what to tell Louise. The station mistress kept quiet for a few moments and then ventured to say: "I'm really sorry."

Lou sighed. "It's not your fault that I'm in this situation. I guess it's actually mine," Louise muttered, and this time she let Rachel put her arm around her shoulders and comfort her.

"I have a surprise for you," Rachel told her lightheartedly after a couple of minutes.

"A surprise?" Louise asked with a dubious expression.

"Yeah, and you'll like it very much," Rachel assured her. "I'll be back in a second" she added, and before Lou could react, the station mistress scurried out of the room

Louise doubted that in her present mood she would like any surprises. As she waited for Rachel, she sat on the rocker and absent-mindedly began to rock herself with a steady rhythm.

The door opened again, and Rachel stepped in. She was smiling broadly, and had an expression of utter delight. Louise remained seated and kept looking at her indifferently. Yet, suddenly, her heart jumped as she noticed Rachel's surprise behind her.

"Well, here we are," Rachel said happily as she watched the expression in Louise's eyes. "I told you that you would like my surprise."

Louise rose to her feet slowly, and looked at them in shock. Her siblings. She had thought about them so much during the years, but she had feared she would never see them again, and here they were… before her. When Louise had left her home, they had barely been little children, and they had grown up so much she could hardly recognize them.

Louise approached and lifted her hand, longing to touch them, but she stopped. The last thing she wanted was to scare them; she didn't know what they would be thinking, or what they had been told about her. She just kept staring at them and dared to smile in their direction.

"Oh, Jeremiah, Theresa, I'm so glad to see you," Louise said in a small voice.

The children kept quiet and watched her carefully. For one moment Lou thought that they would refuse her like everybody else, and she steeled herself against it.

"Are you my sister?" Theresa asked, still not sure about the truth.

"Yes, I am," Louise answered hesitantly. It pained her that little Theresa had no idea who she was. She was nothing to them, but a stranger. Louise was getting nervous as the seconds went by and the silence was becoming harder to bear. Her fears were soon put to rest when unexpectedly, Theresa launched herself against Lou and hugged her tightly. Louise was so pleased that she could barely contain her emotion. She looked at Jeremiah, who had not said one word, and tousled his hair affectionately. The boy smiled at her, but kept silent.

Theresa disentangled herself from the hug and looked up at her 'new' sister. "I'm really happy that you are here, Louise," she said sincerely.

"Are you? Really?" Lou smiled and looked at Rachel, who was grinning happily.

"Of course! With you here everything will be better," Theresa exclaimed. "Amy Woodward is always talking about her elder sister and bragging about how much she knows about boys, dresses, and everything because of her sister. But now I also have a sister." Theresa giggled proudly and imagined that conceited girl's face when she told her about Louise.

Louise smiled at her little sister's small talk. She was really thrilled to see her; Theresa had always been very talkative since she had learned her first words, and it seemed that she was still the same in that sense. "Honey, I ain't sure I know much about those things myself".

"Oh, that doesn't matter. Amy will just fume to know that she's not special any more for having an elder sister," Theresa stated firmly and proudly.

Rachel and Louise chuckled at the girl's words, a chuckle that turned into laughter eventually. There weren't many reasons for her to laugh, especially in the last couple of days, and the mirth was really welcomed just for a while. Louise was tired of tears, and this moment was all she needed.

Rachel urged the children to leave and finish their chores. It was Sunday and the day was warm enough in spite of being in the middle of November. Theresa gave Louise a quick kiss on the cheek as she left the room. Lou felt delighted at the innocent gesture of the girl, and silently prayed that her father wouldn't interfere in her relationship with her siblings. She was sure he wouldn't be too pleased to let the children have any contact with her. He had been quite clear about the matter when she had asked about it the last time. But it wasn't fair. They were her siblings; perhaps he could say he wasn't her father, but Theresa and Jeremiah were her family, they shared blood. That was true and nobody could deny it.

"Louise," Rachel interrupted Lou's line of thought. "You'd better get ready; we have to go to town."

"To town?" she asked warily.

"You have to be checked by the doctor," Rachel explained. "Come on. We won't be long. It will just take us one hour or so."

Louise nodded reluctantly. She did not feel like going into town. Every time she had gone something had happened. Not everything had been bad, she thought as she remembered her first kiss with Kid. However, the town definitely gave her bad feelings. Just the thought of it made her tremble from head to foot. She knew she was just being stupid but she couldn't help it. She sighed and prayed that her feelings were wrong … this time.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter XIX **

The small room next to the surgery was empty except for the two women waiting while the old physician was attending another patient. Louise had grunted annoyed when the kind wife of Dr Barnes had told them to wait in the small parlor. Lou wanted to finish this as quickly as possible, and this delay frustrated her intentions. She didn't know why, but she had been very edgy since Rachel had told her about their visit to town. As they had to wait in this secluded room, Louise felt like suffocating with all the strange smells hanging in the air. Her stomach wasn't well yet, and, as minutes went by, she was getting more and more nervous. She had never liked doctors and just the thought of them made her grimace. However, she knew that her visit to the doctor was not the reason of her tense condition.

Louise kept wriggling her hands and fidgeting in the seat uneasily. Rachel looked at her and noticed her discomfort.

"Louise, it's just a check-up. That's all," Rachel tried to calm her down. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I know," she said awkwardly. She did not intend to tell the station mistress that her nerves had nothing to do with the doctor. Rachel was a good person and had treated her kindly when she had first stayed at the station, but after what had happened the day before Louise felt that she couldn't trust the station mistress in the same way. It was clear that Rachel and actually everybody considered she was nothing but a demented person, and nobody wanted to understand that she was much more.

Rachel smiled as she thought of the unjustified fears of the girl. It surprised her that Louise could be scared of doctors when she basically lived in a medical institution. Perhaps that was the very reason she didn't like doctors. After hearing Kid describe the asylum and the people working there, Rachel reflected her attitude wasn't so odd.

The station mistress tried to divert Louise's mind from her worries. "Why did you cut your hair, Louise?" Rachel asked. "It was so long and beautiful."

"It will grow again, I guess," Lou answered nonchalantly.

"Sure it will, but why did you decide to cut it off?" Rachel insisted.

"It was an accident," Louise muttered. She did not want to talk about the matter, but it seemed that Rachel felt very curious and it would be impossible to shun her questions.

"An accident?" Rachel repeated in confusion.

Louise sighed and knew that she would have to tell Rachel the whole story. "Mrs. Williams is a lady who has some strange liking to fire. Her house burned down when she was a child, and she is obsessed with the idea of things burning. She is usually quite calm, but a few weeks ago she had one of those days. To cut a long story short, the point is that she thought that my braid was some kind of wick." Louise let out a amused chuckle. "I didn't notice until almost all my hair was on fire."

"Gracious God! That's… that's horrible!" Rachel cried aghast. "Nothing happened to you, did it?"

"No," Louise said imperturbably. "Just a few minor burns on my back, but I'm fine now."

Rachel was completely horrified about what Louise was telling her, but what shocked her even more was the girl's attitude; she didn't seem afraid, upset or show any expected reactions in a situation like that. On the contrary, she found the tale amusing, and she sounded as if the incident did not have any importance at all.

"They didn't tell us anything," Rachel muttered, still quite alarmed about the whole thing. "You could have been badly hurt, or worse. You could even have died."

Louise looked at her and shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "Everybody dies, Rachel," Lou spoke with a calmness that astonished the station mistress. "Sooner or later it will be my turn."

"You scare me when you talk like that, Louise," Rachel looked at Lou with wide, shocked eyes. She knew the reasons why the girl was in the asylum; John had plainly told her and she had seen the marks on her wrists clearly.

Rachel felt a cold fear run throughout all of her noticing her stepdaughter's peculiarly calm demeanor. It was the first time Louise talked about her own death, and her words were too disturbing. Rachel wished she could read Lou's mind and know what she was thinking right now. It scared her to think that the girl's sick mind might push her to do something similar to her past doings.

Louise kept silent and noticed Rachel turn pale. The girl could guess what thoughts were crossing the station mistress's mind, and after a few minutes she spoke up. "Rachel, you needn't worry. I won't try anything. I have to think about my baby." Louise smiled warmly and stroked her belly lovingly.

Rachel exhaled relieved, but her fear did not vanish completely. Louise seemed lucid now, but could she believe her intentions? It frustrated her so much not to know what to think and expect. She was still ignorant about how to treat Louise.

Lou was a very nice girl. But was she the same person when she had those fits or did those terrible things to herself? Everything was so complicated and the main difficulty lay in her own ignorance about Lou's problems. John didn't help her any and had no intention to change, and Rachel felt cursed and so inadequate.

The doctor finally welcomed them in his surgery. The examination did not take long. The old physician had been exceptionally kind to the girl, and Lou had relaxed a bit. Rachel had informed him about Louise's situation, and he had made her a thorough check-up. The station mistress had breathed out relieved when Dr. Barnes had assured her that both the baby and Louise were fine. The only problem was that Lou was too thin for her condition, but Rachel had guaranteed the doctor that she would see to it that Louise gained the necessary weight. The station mistress had been afraid that the strain of the last days and the lack of care could have been detrimental for the baby's well being, but fortunately, there were no problems, and she hoped that the rest of her pregnancy would go as smooth as it could be.

After the examination, Louise put on her clothes back behind the screen and got ready to leave. The visit to the doctor hadn't been as bad as she had thought, but she was glad it was over. The physician had told her that she would have to be checked regularly, and she had not uttered a single word in protest. She would have to do it for the baby's sake, and that was the only important thing now. Louise thanked the doctor for his kindness, and in a second she and Rachel were out of the office.

"You see? You're still in one piece, silly," Rachel teased her as they made their way to the door.

Louise just smiled at her and kept silent. She was not in the mood to joke. Rachel meant well and was just trying to raise her spirits, but Lou didn't want to feel cheerful. There wasn't one single reason for her to be happy, and her circumstances made her feel down in the dumps. She had come to accept her new situation, but that didn't mean that she had to act as if everything were perfect in her life. At times she felt like shouting at the unfairness of all, wanting to hide from the world and cry in a corner.

Apart from all her misery and pain, there was something else. She couldn't get rid of the nagging sensations that she was experiencing. She had been unsure about the source of all this, but now she knew why she had been nervous all morning. It was the truth, she had seen it, and she just wanted to leave town as quickly as possible.

"Rachel, can we go home now? I feel pretty tired," Louise said. It was not a lie because, in fact, she felt quite drained. The doctor had told her that it was normal to feel fatigued due to her pregnancy, but that was not the actual reason why she wanted to rush home. If they stayed longer, she might do something she wanted to avoid at all costs, and she was well aware that she wouldn't be able to control herself this time. What she felt was too strong, and she wouldn't be able to remain impassive.

"Sure, honey," Rachel assured her and opened the door to get out. As they were exiting, they almost ran into a couple that was making their way into the building. Rachel stopped in time. "Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Herrick, I'm really sorry," Rachel apologized heartedly. "How are you this morning?"

The man greeted Rachel warmly, but the lady kept silent and simply eyed the station mistress coldly. Mrs. Herrick shifted her eyes to Louise, and scrutinized her from head to foot. She had taken a strong dislike of Louise since the day they had the incident in Tompkins' store. Louise had scared the wits out of her, and for that reason the woman felt uncomfortable in the girl's presence.

It was Mrs. Herrick herself who had spread the gossip about Lou's mental condition plus some additional remarks of her own. She believed that the people in Sweetwater had a right to know who lived among them, and though she was well aware that she had painted the incident and the description of the girl a bit too exaggeratedly, she didn't think that it would harm anybody. It was just talk. Mrs. Herrick had heard that the banker's daughter had left the town but apparently, she was back, a fact that irritated her extremely. While her husband kept talking to Rachel, she indiscreetly stared at the girl.

Louise was having a hard time to control all the feelings coursing throughout her. Her heart was racing wildly and her breath came ragged. And on top of it all, the images that she had tried to erase popped in her head clearly; they weren't blurred pictures any more; she could see them as plain as the people before her. She had never felt something so strongly before and she was dead scared. Even though she tried to get a grip of herself, her efforts proved to be in vain and the words were out of her mouth before she had the notion she was uttering them.

"The day is near," she whizzed in the direction of Mrs. Herrick. Her eyes were wide, and she panted as if she was having trouble breathing. "The waters are tumultuous and waiting for her young body to join them for all the eternity."

Rachel turned quickly as she heard Louise and her gibberish. The station mistress panicked as Lou seemed to be having another fit and on this occasion she was all alone with the girl. However, this time Lou seemed to be calmer, and her voice sounded softer. Rachel tried to drag her away from the Herricks, but the girl was rooted to the place. Mrs. Herrick looked as shocked as she had the last time, and was shouting at Louise to shut up while the girls continued talking in riddles. At the commotion some curious passers-by had stopped and watched the scene astounded. Finally, Rachel managed to drag Lou out of the tumult, and forced her onto the wagon.

Rachel was trembling and having a hard time to control her nerves after the uncomfortable confrontation. She gazed at Louise, who was sitting still by her side. The girl was silent, and kept staring ahead with a serious, dramatic expression. She looked calm as if nothing had happened. Rachel did not understand what possibly crossed Lou's mind whenever she saw Mrs. Herrick. Lou seemed to have some kind of fixed idea with the lady. She was fine all the time but both times they had run into the woman, Lou had begun rambling about death and water.

Louise did not dare to look at Rachel. Once again she had messed up everything, but it had been impossible to ignore the voices shouting within her. She couldn't keep quiet though she was now aware of the consequences. After seeing Mrs. Herrick and the people around them and their expression of total bewilderment and pity, Lou could positively tell what they thought of her, but in reality she didn't mind. She had reached a position where no matter what she did people would always have the same opinion about her. So she felt entitled to do whatever she liked, not giving any thought to what people would say or think.

Despite her renewed convictions, there was something Lou cared about: Rachel's opinion. Louise had grown very fond of the station mistress, and she feared that Rachel would judge her like everybody else, and that would surely be the case, given her behavior. And over all Louise cared about what her father would say. She still remembered his reaction about her first encounter with Mrs. Herrick. He had even slapped her hard in the face, something he had never done before. Her father had never treated her nicely, but he had seldom gotten so furious as to lose his nerves and hit her. Louise had been very shocked when he had smacked her. Now she had caused another scene with the same lady and she trembled at the thought of her father's reaction.

Louise was sure that the tale would come to his notice soon and she felt her knees wobble and her forehead sweat. _"You're a fool, Louise. You never think of the consequences, you just act without thinking. The situation is already harsh for you and you have just worsened with your foolishness,"_ she scolded herself.

Louise turned to Rachel, who was looking at her with wide, shocked eyes. She tried to smile but her attempt was useless. Unsure what to tell Rachel, the only thing that came to her mind was a quiet apology. Yet, the station mistress did not reply; she simply shook her head, and taking the reins, she urged the horse forward, leaving the town behind.

When they arrived at the station, there was nobody in sight. As soon as Rachel had pulled the wagon to a stop in the middle of the yard, Louise got off the wagon and scampered to the house in a rush. Not one word had been said during the ride back. The silence had been really uncomfortable and once again Rachel felt all the weight of guilt on her. She was still clumsy in coping with Louise's special mood. Her irritation was evident, and she had felt unable to accept the girl's apologies, acting in the same way as John. Much calmer now, Rachel really felt ashamed of her own behavior. Louise didn't need her anger but her understanding and compassion, particularly now that she was in such a difficult situation.

The station mistress kept pondering all this, and twenty minutes went by and she was still sitting on the wagon seat. As she heard horses approaching, she finally snapped out of her reverie. She squinted her eyes against the setting sun, and recognized the boys. She hurried to get into the house to avoid any questions the boys might ask her. She was not in the mood, and sooner or later everybody would know about what had happened in town again. John must have heard about it by now. All the town gossips had witnessed the whole thing and all Rachel hoped was that John would take things calmly.

As Rachel entered the house, she stopped, trying to make out any sounds, but everything was silent. Louise must be in her room, she thought but she restrained herself from going to her. Lou would certainly be upset, but Rachel didn't think she would be a great support right now. She went to the kitchen and began preparing dinner. After a few minutes she heard the door open and some steps afterwards. She took a quick peep from the small kitchen and saw Kid.

"Rachel!" Kid called.

"One moment," Rachel said as she wiped her hands on her apron and came to the lounge. "Where are the children?" she asked Kid as she remembered that she had not seen Theresa and Jeremiah around.

"They're playing outside," Kid answered briefly as he had something more important in his mind. "So...? Did you go to town?"

Rachel nodded but did not hurry to tell him the details. The incident had left her weak and nervous. She kept silent and her bearing gave away all the strain she was feeling. As Kid noticed Rachel's expression he feared the worst. His heart began beating wildly in anticipation of what the station mistress would tell him.

"Something wrong with the baby … or her?" Kid stuttered, afraid of what Rachel's pained air meant. He couldn't help feeling scared about Louise. It wouldn't be fair that she had to suffer even more for carrying his baby.

Rachel chided herself for giving Kid a wrong impression and hurried to soothe his fears. "Oh no, nothing like that. She's fine, they're both fine. She just needs to put on some weight, that's all."

Kid sighed relieved. For one moment he had feared that after all they had undergone for the baby's well being, something would be wrong. It was a relief to learn that he had nothing to fear. The thought brought a smile to his lips, but as soon as he realized he was grinning, his mood sank quickly. He felt guilty whenever he smiled or laughed. He had no right to be happy when Louise was feeling so miserable.

Kid had been thinking over the whole matter all night, but his thoughts had not been any clearer in the morning. The image of her sad face was imprinted in his mind, and every time he had tried to close his eyes, there she was. Kid could not pretend that everything was perfect, when in his heart he knew that it wasn't so. Mr. Boggs had clearly stated that Lou's place was the asylum, and, though Kid was convinced that he would not allow her to go back there, he wasn't sure any more. When the baby was born, he would be a married man and he wouldn't have any say in Lou's life, and he might not be able to avoid her return to that place.

Kid was really afraid of that day, the day when his baby was born. He had told Jimmy that the baby would make it easier for him to get over her, but now he was not so sure. The child would be the living evidence of the love between them, and for that reason it would be very special to him. Yet, at the same time it would be a constant reminder that she wasn't with him. How could he go on with his life knowing that she was locked up in that place? How could he enjoy the gift that this baby meant when she would be deprived of everything?

Suddenly, Kid realized that Rachel had not told him why she had looked so upset when he had asked her about their visit to town. "What's wrong, Rachel? If everything's fine with Lou, why do you look so disturbed?" Kid asked warily, but as the station mistress was about to answer, the door slammed open and a furious Boggs came in. Just by looking at him Rachel could tell what had caused his anger and hastened to try to calm him down.

"Where's she?" Boggs bellowed, his face read with ire.

" Please, John," Rachel begged, "let me handle this. It's no use getting so riled up."

Kid was at a loss about what was happening. He knew that it had to do with Lou and if the banker's obvious wrath was an indication, it meant that he wasn't going to like it. So when he couldn't control the curiosity any longer he repeated again: "What's wrong?"

Rachel turned to Kid and just said, "We had a somewhat problematic encounter with Mrs. Herrick." Her husband strangely seemed to have calmed down. Her words had managed to bring him to his senses, apparently, but Rachel pondered that it was due more to an evident lack of care about the girl than to her persuasive powers.

"Again?" Kid asked astonished.

Rachel just nodded, and watched as Boggs left the house without uttering a word. She didn't know if she should be happy or sad for her husband's attitude. Naturally, she didn't want him to fly off the handle like the last time, but this indifference was also extremely hurtful. It was evident he really didn't care what happened to Louise as long as it didn't affect him. Since he had found out that her breakdowns were not as harmful for his business as he had thought, he did not care any more. Rachel couldn't understand her husband. Yeah, maybe Louise wasn't his daughter, but he had raised her, and he was the only father Lou knew. How couldn't he have any feelings towards her? In spite of her problems, she was a very nice girl, but John talked about her as if she were the devil itself.

"Rachel!" Kid called. He had been talking to her but the station mistress seemed deep in thought. As he called her name again, Rachel snapped out of her thoughtfulness. "I want to see Lou," the rider said when he was sure that he had Rachel's attention.

"Look, Kid. I don't think it's such a good idea. She was quite upset," Rachel stated, considering that Louise would not welcome Kid's visit at this moment.

The Southerner, though, was adamant in his request. "I need to see her," he said, with a decisive light in his eyes. It was true, not just a way to persuade Rachel. He needed to see her, check that she was fine. It was almost a physical necessity as strong as thirst or hunger. He wouldn't accept a 'no' for an answer, so when Rachel nodded her consent, he did not waste time and hurried up to her.

The door was ajar and from his position in the corridor Kid could make out her darkened shadow against the last rays of the day seeping through the window. Like usual she was sitting on the bed and just by watching the shape of her figure, Kid could tell that she was as distraught as Rachel had said.

Kid approached slowly and opened the door wider, but Louise seemed oblivious of his presence. He dared to walk inside warily, and even though his steps resounded in the room, she remained in the same position, Kid cleared his throat to attract her attention. Lou turned her head to meet Kid's stare and the rider felt for one moment mesmerized by those sad eyes of hers.

"How are you feeling?" he muttered after a few moments.

Louise just shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands resting in her lap. "I heard my father downstairs. He sounded very angry."

Kid took some steps closer and placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly. "Don't worry about that," Kid assured her.

Louise lifted her eyes to him, and said, "I've messed everything again. I'm a fool."

"Don't say that," Kid soothed her. He kept silent for a few moments, and after a few moments, he asked, "What happened, Louise?" Though he did not know the details he could imagine how the incident with Mrs. Herrick had been. He was not asking her about that. What he wanted to know was what had happened to her, what had made her act like that, and he was sure that Lou was aware what he meant with his question. Yet, she did not answer, and kept staring at him. So Kid hastened to add, "You can tell me, Lou. We're friends, remember?"

His words were like a direct blow to her face. She jumped to her feet, swatting his hand off her shoulder at the same time. His touch and his proximity affected her too much, and she needed to remain cold for her own well-being. "You ain't my friend," she spat out. "Friends care about each other, and you don't give a damn about me."

"That ain't true," Kid replied, upset that she could think that of him. He knew that he had not been fair to her, but he had never meant any harm to her. Her words hurt him more than he had expected. He didn't know why, but it was very important to him that she considered him a friend; he needed her friendship if he couldn't have anything else. "I do care for you, Lou. Please don't say that. I wish everything was different between us, but I can'."

Louise did not say one word and just stared at him for long instants. The voice in her mind was trying to convince her that his words were false, and she shouldn't fall into his game. But when she looked at his blue eyes, her cold demeanor crumbled, and she had to scold herself for her stupidity. After a few moments she blurted out of the blue, "Do you love her?"

Kid was taken aback by her question. He did not want to talk about his relationship with Patricia, and much less discuss it with Lou. His mind was still a sea of doubts, and he felt that Patricia... they had rushed into a bigger commitment that they might not be ready for. Patricia was a nice girl, and he was very fond of her. Yet, he couldn't say clearly that he had fallen for her in the way he knew a man should feel for a woman. If Louise hadn't appeared in his life, he would feel quite happy with everything he had with his girlfriend. But Lou made everything so complicated.

He knew that his love for Louise was deeper than anything he had ever felt for any woman, including Patricia. However, he continuously wondered if that could be called love. Perhaps it was just an uncontrollable passion. But then why do I care so much about what might happen to her? He had to admit it, he loved Louise and probably he always would, but he couldn't nurture a love that wasn't meant to be. Patricia was his fiancée and though his feelings were very different from what he felt for Lou, he loved her in his own way, perhaps a calmer love, but it was love anyway, or wasn't it?

Kid looked at Lou after considering her question, but he still didn't know what to tell her. "Look, Lou. I don't think I…"

Louise didn't wait for him to give him an answer, and continued her questioning. "Did you buy that piece of land you showed me?" She didn't know why, but suddenly she felt very curious about Kid's life. Perhaps it was her interest in the future of her baby, but she had an uncontrollable desire to know about all these details.

Kid sighed and just shook his head sadly. His forlorn expression did not go unnoticed for Louise, and she couldn't help asking as her curiosity had gotten aroused: "Where are you two going to live when you get married?"

Kid could not avoid her questions any more, and had to relent finally. "We're moving to St Louis and settling down there. Patricia is used to living in a big city, and I guess I'll get accustomed to it too."

Louise kept staring at him astonished. His answer had surprised and saddened her at the same time. It was difficult to imagine Kid living in a big city; she had always envisioned him as a true cowboy and not as a city man. Yet, realization of what this meant struck her hard. "You must love her very much if you are ready to give up on your dreams."

Kid looked at her intensely and his words were out of his mouth before he had time to think about it. "I already gave up on something bigger and …" but he couldn't finish his sentence as he felt a lump in his throat.

His eyes were shouting at her. "_It's you. I gave up on you"_ Louise felt all her body tremble in the intensity of his gaze. She couldn't look away; his eyes attracted her like a magnet. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, and she felt like crying. None of them dared to say one word; they were both lost in the moment. Neither could tell how but they found themselves mere inches apart, so close that Louise could smell him, feel him. In a flash she saw Kid lowering his head towards her slowly, very slowly, and she didn't know when or why, but she had closed her eyes as she felt him closer and closer, his breath in her face, his hands on her arms.

Yet, the magic of the moment suddenly broke and they flashed back to reality as a voice resounded in the house. "Kid! Patricia is here!". Neither of them moved when they heard Rachel's call coming from downstairs. They kept looking at each other till Kid broke the silence.

"I have to go," he just said and Louise nodded in a somber mod.

She watched him ready to leave her, leave her broken and shattered again. She didn't understand why life was treating her like that. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't she be like that girl waiting for him? Why did she have to meet Kid in the first place? Why had she been allowed to live on?

As Kid was leaving, he stopped for a moment and looked at her once more. He took her hand, and whispered softly. "Seriously, Lou, I'd love to be your friend. Please." The girl did not say anything and looked down. She couldn't keep this farce. She didn't want to be his friend, she wanted something he couldn't give her and his friendship would surely ended up hurting her. Yet, she also needed him and if she had to resign to just his friendship, she would. She tried to say something, but when she looked up, she just saw the door open and Kid was nowhere to be seen.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter XX**

A week had passed by since Louise had returned to the station. Things fell into routine. As in her first visit she spent most of her time in her room since Boggs considered it was best and safer for everyone. Her encounter with Mrs. Herrick had been forgotten without incident; nobody did ever mention it again and Louise felt very relieved.

Louise was surprised that her father had not made her see his anger this time, and surprisingly he let her be most of the time. She hardly saw him, just at dinnertime, but he had stopped making those snide remarks that she was so used to. Louise guessed that her father wouldn't want Theresa and Jeremiah to hear and see him under that light. In the past when Louise still lived with her family, he hadn't minded talking about her openly before her other children, but at that time they were just small kids. Those children had grown up, and Boggs didn't want them to see that nasty side of him that they had never witnessed before. Louise was somewhat glad for this, but of course not everything was so plain. Unbeknownst to everybody else, he still sneered and looked at her icily, making her aware her position in life.

As days went by, Louise became more and more aware of her situation and however hard it was, she had gradually come to accept it. It was still painful and many a night she flopped into her bed and let the bitter tears flow freely. Every day the acceptance was easier but the pain was more acute as well. The only joy that Louise had was her siblings. Jeremiah was still reserved with her, and she could understand his attitude after the four years they had been apart. She had managed to talk some with him, but he was sometimes difficult, and made her feel uncomfortable at times.

With Theresa, though, everything was so straightforward. The girl had no problems in showing all her trust and love, and Louise was immensely happy in the moments she shared with her little sister. As soon as Theresa came back from school, she ran up to her room and spent hours with her talking and laughing. Sometimes Lou helped her with the homework or just listened to her never-ending stories. Louise gave thanks every day for the gift of re-encountering her siblings and tried to imprint every single minute in her heart as she was well aware that her time with them was limited. She knew that her father did not appreciate her spending time with the children. She had noticed his disapproving looks and snorts when Theresa made any remarks about her. Nobody had told Lou anything, but she could tell that the banker had tried to keep the children from her, but apparently it had been a lost cause. He practically stayed the whole day at the bank, and couldn't keep watch on his requirement, and also he could not forbid them to see their sister. They would surely ask the reasons for this unreasonable demand, and Boggs did not have a reasonable motive to offer them.

Contrasting with this side of her daily existence, her relationship with Kid was difficult and odd. Since the last time they had talked in the room, they had barely exchanged a word. He was in the bunkhouse at dinnertime; they just greeted each other politely, he asked her how she was doing, she replied a curt fine, but that was all.

Their last encounter had been too strange. There was a moment in which they had forgotten about everything around them, and Louise had the impression to be back on those days when they had shared that special friendship and bond. Lou was sure that he had been about to kiss her and she had wanted it so much. She even dared believe that he had wanted it as much as her. Yet, it had never actually happened , which Louise was thankful for. She had to keep her distance. She couldn't get closer to him; that would just be a reminder of what she couldn't have. It would only add to her pain and Louise already had enough suffering as it was.

Though Louise found it absolutely heart wrenching, she tried to keep her composure in front of everybody at mealtimes. She had never been very good at lying or shamming, but she had to make an effort this time for her own good. Nobody would see her misery. She couldn't give them that satisfaction. So she acted as if her life were perfect. A fake smile adorned her face every day, and even though inside she was dying, never once did she give way to her true feelings. Fortunately, she spent most of her time alone and those moments of pretence were brief.

It was at mealtimes that she had to bear that girl's presence to boot. She was a constant attendant in the bunkhouse, and she always made sure that Lou watched her and Kid together. Patricia always found an excuse to hug, kiss or touch the rider, and continuously talked about the wedding and how happy they were going to be. She even mentioned the baby, Lou's baby and how lucky this baby was to have her and Kid as parents. In those moments Louise felt her blood boil and almost lost her forced calmed demeanor. The girl infuriated her, and she felt like punching her and messing her perfect hairdo and elegant clothes.

Her hostility went beyond the mere fact that Patricia was the woman who had everything Lou dreamed about. Actually, it was the girl herself who brought Lou to the point of abhorrence. Louise disliked her, no matter what the circumstances were, and she suspected the feeling was reciprocal. Patricia's disdain and hatred were palpable. Nobody seemed to notice this but Louise. Patricia never addressed her and almost did not acknowledge her presence, only when she felt compelled to. It was then she pretended to be very nice and amiable, but Lou could discern her dislike behind her kind words.

Louise did not know exactly why Patricia should hate her. She was not a threat to her relationship with Kid in spite of the circumstances. Patricia had Kid's love; his promises and also she would have his baby now. Louise had nothing, and couldn't understand why Patricia felt so insecure about herself. Her insecurity was surely the reason of her presence every evening at dinner. Rachel had told her that previously Patricia hardly visited the station. On top of it all, Boggs obviously liked Patricia, and they acted around each other like two old pals, which made Lou irritated. Louise knew that she shouldn't be surprised. Her father had always liked everybody except her, and this time was not an exception. However, she couldn't help but feel jealous. Yes, she felt jealous of that girl. She represented everything that Lou wanted to be. Patricia was the perfect daughter, friend, fiancée and mother, and Lou was just … nothing.

Paradoxically, her isolation in her room, which had first felt like a torture, was a welcoming solace now. In her moments of solitude she could be herself, and act without pretence. Something she had also started doing lately was talking aloud to her baby as if her words could reach it. Naturally, it was dumb of her, but, silly or not, it made her feel so peaceful. Her time with the baby was limited to her pregnancy, and she wanted to enjoy every single minute of it, and experience she was not alone. Sometimes she tried to imagine what her son or daughter would look like. She would never know for sure. She would only have one single opportunity to see, hold and kiss her baby, and then it would be gone from her life forever. For that reason these intimate, personal moments were so important to her.

A knock at the door snapped Louise out of the reverie. The door opened and a very smiling Rachel waltzed inside. Louise wondered what made the station mistress so chirpy this morning. Rachel came towards her with a hand hidden from Lou's sight behind her back, and sat on the bed beside her.

"I have a surprise for you," Rachel piped up.

"A surprise?" Louise asked warily.

Rachel nodded. "Look what I have found." She stretched her hand and showed Louise what she had been hiding from her. It was a picture, a family photograph, which Louise recognized at once. It was years since she had last seen it. There they were in the photograph, all her family: her mother, Boggs and her siblings. Her mother was sitting in the old armchair that had been with them for as long as she could remember. She looked so beautiful, thought Louise. Mary Louise bore a wide smile, but her eyes expressed a sadness that couldn't be hidden from Lou. Her father was standing, finely dressed, with a proud stance. He had little Jeremiah in his arms whereas baby Theresa sat on her mama's lap. All of them were there, even Blacky, the old dog, lying at her mother's feet.

"I knew you would like it. But I was just wondering something. Why ain't you in this photograph, Louise?" she asked, but her words didn't reach Lou's ears as all of the sudden the girl felt immersed in memories and back to those days when her mother was still alive.

_"Louise, honey, get dressed now. I'll finish with Jeremiah and Theresa," Mary Louise told her eldest child. "Your father will be here any minute with that photographer."_

_"Yes, Ma," Louise said and left her parents' bedroom._

_"Wear the new dress!," Mary Louise called after the young girl. Her husband had come home the day before talking about this photographer, friend of his. The man had insisted that they should have a picture of the family, and he had agreed to bring his friend home today and have the picture taken. With her eldest daughter's help Mary Louise had spent almost the whole afternoon bathing and dressing the children. John had insisted they should look their finest._

_After a few minutes Mary Louise was also ready and as she was finishing polishing her boots, her eldest daughter entered the room again. She looked up and realizing how grown-up her Louise looked in the new dress, she felt tears prick her eyes. It seemed like yesterday when Louise had been just a baby. _

_"Come here," Mary Louise said and as the girl did so, she threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly and kissing her on the cheek. Louise looked at her mother with a puzzled expression. These demonstrations of love were not uncommon for Louise; her mother was always very affectionate with all her children, but her sudden outburst was unexpected._

_"You look so beautiful and grown-up, Louise," her mother said as she brushed back some wisps that had escaped the girl's long plait. "Very soon rows of suitors will call on our door, you'll get married and leave me." Mary Louise's voice cracked with emotion._

_"Ma, I'm only nine!" Louise exclaimed, laughing at her mother's words. She couldn't believe that she would ever choose a boy over her mother. "I will always be with you.. Always."_

_Mary Louise smiled at her daughter's candid innocence. "Sure, honey," she said, "till one day a good boy falls in love with you and steals your heart." Louise kept staring at her mother incredulously, but didn't say a word._

_Then they were interrupted by Boggs' voice, calling from downstairs. Mary took two-year -old Theresa in her arms while Louise followed her with Jeremiah by the hand. As they came downstairs, Boggs greeted her wife with a kiss, and stroked Theresa's head. He kept watching his family all dressed up for the occasion until his eyes set on Louise._

_"What is she doing down here?" Boggs sneered._

_"John," Mary Louise stuttered, dreading what her husband had in his mind. "You said you wanted a photograph with the family and we…"_

_"My family but not her," Boggs cut her off, his voice tinged with clear annoyance._

_"But she's your daughter," Mary Louise said, exasperated and bitterly._

_Boggs turned a deaf ear to his wife's words and bellowed to Louise. "Go to the kitchen and stay there. I don't want to see you around, understand?"_

_"Yes, sir," Louise said, her voice a mere whisper. She looked at her mother sadly, and without uttering one word she walked towards the kitchen forlornly. Reaching at the door she could hear her father's voice resound: "Wipe those tears, woman. My friend is already waiting. Come on."_

"Louise," Rachel called the girl, who seemed to be miles away. She watched as Lou's stance changed from surprise to joy, sorrow and pain. As tears began flowing down the girl's cheeks, Rachel couldn't keep silent any longer. Lou looked up surprised to see Rachel and the room, and not the kitchen of her old house.

"Honey, are you all right?" Rachel asked, visibly worried.

Lou did not answer and turned her attention back to the photograph in her hands. She touched her mother's face gently with her index finger. "Mama was so beautiful," she said absent-minded, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "She had so many plans for me, Rachel. She wanted me to fall in love, get married and be happy as any girl should." She paused for a moment, and this time the tears came unleashed. "Is my mother ashamed of me wherever she is, Rachel? I'm…" she tried o continue talking, but her weeping drowned her words.

Without a single word Rachel came to hug the girl. Tears of her own pricked her eyes. "Of course not, honey," she whispered reassuringly. "I'm sure that your mother wouldn't be ashamed and …" she tried to say something else, but she realized she couldn't. What could she tell Louise that would make sense? How could she assure her that her mother would feel very proud of her? What of? Of her mental condition? Of her staying in an asylum? Of her father's obvious lack of love? Or perhaps Of her getting pregnant out of wedlock and everything that had happened? Rachel couldn't think of anything that she could say. The truth was that Lou's life was a living hell and sincerely Rachel admired the girl who seemed to own great strength to overcome her sad, miserable existence.

* * *

After Louise had calmed down, Rachel walked with her to the living room where they had tea peacefully. Lou seemed back to her usual self, and Rachel was glad about it. The station mistress felt guilty for bringing those memories back. Her intention had been very different. When she had found the picture, she had thought it would raise Lou's spirits. Even though Louise seemed calm most of the time and always wore that smile on her face, Rachel was well aware that the girl was not the same person that she had first met. Lou seemed to have lost something… innocence, some would call it, and Rachel feared she would never have it back again.

They sipped their tea in silence till Rachel spoke up. "Feeling better?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "I guess," she muttered, but her eyes told a completely different tale.

Rachel sighed and cupped Louise's face between her hands. "Honey. Cheer up. You surely don't wanna your siblings to see you this sad. They're about to come back from school and they worry about you, you know."

Louise could not avoid the smile that formed on her lips at the reference of her siblings, the only good thing in her life. They did not judge her as everybody else and were her only support. Lou didn't know what she would do if she lost them too.

As if on cue they heard the sound of small feet scampering up the porch steps.

"Didn't I tell you?" Rachel said and stood up to open the door. The station mistress had not taken more than a few steps when the door slammed open, and Jeremiah rushed in followed by Theresa. Rachel was going to scold him for his rowdy manner, but stopped as she noticed the bruises on his face and his black eye.

"Jeremiah, what happened to you?" Rachel exclaimed aghast. The boy could be naughty, but he had never got into a fight with other boys at school.

Jeremiah turned a deaf ear to Rachel's words, and seeing Louise seated on the couch, he launched himself against her and punched her in the head hard.

"Jeremiah!" Rachel shouted and came to take a hold of the boy, who seemed very nervous. The boy kept thrashing and tried to free himself from Rachel's restrain.

Louise remained still and touched her sore cheek. Totally perplexed at her brother's behavior, she just looked at him confused.

"I hate you!" Jeremiah cried bitterly. "Why did you have to come here? Why didn't you stay in that madhouse? Everybody mocks at us because of you!"

"Jeremiah!" Rachel scolded him again. He heard Theresa sobbing behind him and saw Louise watching the whole scene with wide eyes. The boy seemed very angry, Rachel had never seen him this furious, and she feared what this would mean for Louise. The station mistress grabbed Jeremiah by his shoulders strongly and talked firmly. "Stop it, stop it in this very moment. And now go to your room. I'm very disappointed in you, young man."

"But…" Jeremiah protested.

"Now!" Rachel snapped, and the boy ran up the stairs grunting. Theresa followed suit, leaving the two women in the lounge. Louise remained in the same position, just touching her sore cheek. She seemed in shock and Rachel tried to catch her attention. "Louise?"

"I'm fine, Rachel," she stuttered. Her body was trembling from head to foot, and she really didn't understand what had actually happened. Jeremiah hated her, she repeated mentally horrified. He hated her! _What else could go wrong?_

* * *

The door to Jeremiah's room was ajar and from outside the two siblings' voices could be heard as they talked in hushed tones. Jeremiah was sitting on his small bed, his head hanging low and his hands balled into fists. Theresa was by his side and her expression was completely different from her brother's. She didn't seem angry but very sad, and her face was streaked with dried tears.

As the door was pushed wider, the children turned their heads to whomever dared disturb their peace. Carefully and warily Louise let herself in and looked her brother in the eyes. "Can we three talk, or you can't even do that anymore?" she asked.

Jeremiah did not answer, and just lowered his eyes. Theresa scooted over and let Louise sit between the two. She smiled at her elder sister. She was not angry, but what had happened at school had upset her greatly.

"I'm really sorry," Lou began. "I know how important it is to gain your friends' respect, and I'm really sorry that I messed everything for you. Honestly. I don't want you to suffer because of me." Louise paused for a moment, and smiled at Theresa wryly. "It's not so great to have an elder sister after all, uh? Especially if I'm the sister."

Louise sighed, and the three siblings remained silent for a while. Jeremiah had not moved an inch since she had entered, and she wondered if he was even listening.

"They were very mean," Theresa said out of the blue, almost in tears.

Louise turned towards her sister, and wrapped her arm affectionately round her shoulders. "What did they say?"

To her surprise the answer came from Jeremiah and she felt somewhat relieved that the boy had been attentive to what she had been saying. "They said that you were crazy as a March hare, and a whore." His voice was cold and Louise could tell that the boy was still furious. It surprised her to realize that people were already talking about the strange circumstances of her pregnancy. But on second thoughts she considered it wasn't so odd after all. Patricia Putman was a popular girl in this town as she had guessed from the conversations during dinner, and surely the tale that she was going to mother the poor child of the banker's crazy daughter would surely have spread throughout the whole town. Louise imagined that everybody in Sweetwater would know about it if the tale had reached the schoolchildren.

Louise inhaled deeply to calm her frayed nerves. "I'm not completely sure about it, but everybody says I'm crazy. So I guess it's true. As for the other thing…" Her voice trailed off since she was unsure of how to approach the subject. "Do you know what the other word means?"

Jeremiah nodded reluctantly in obvious embarrassment. Theresa just kept staring at her two elder siblings. She was glad that Jeremiah had calmed down and was talking to Louise. She had been so scared when he had faced all those big boys. They had hit him hard. Those boys were always causing problems, and neither Theresa nor Jeremiah cared much about their opinions. What had infuriated Jeremiah was that his friends and almost all the school had agreed with them and laughed at their wisecracks.

"You know," Louise continued, "I ain't very smart, but your friends ain't right there. I'm carrying a baby, and you know I ain't married. I loved somebody very much."

"Kid?" Theresa asked.

Louise laughed at her own naiveté. She was trying to be subtle in her words and it seemed as if the children knew the whole story better than herself. "Yeah, it was Kid. I guess I acted wrong, but my mistakes are just mine, and nobody has a right to call me something I'm not, do you understand?"

Both kids bobbed their heads simultaneously in consent. Louise sighed relieved that she had been able to explain this issue to her siblings. She took their hands in hers and squeezed them warmly. "As I see it," Louise said, smiling at them, "what they told you wasn't so bad. They insulted _me_, not you. What you have to do is to appear indifferent, and show them you don't care. Then they'll let you be." She paused a moment, deep in thought. "You know what can be really effective?" The children stared at her expectantly, and Louise added, "Next time they try to annoy you, just agree with them, and say something really, really horrible about me yourselves. Let's make up something now. Nobody knows me as well as I do, and I could tell you all my multiple defects."

Theresa and Jeremiah shared a confused look, and the girl exclaimed, "We can't do that, Louise! We can't say anything bad against you. You're our sister."

"And we love you," Jeremiah added firmly, denying his initial declaration of hatred. "Teaspoon says family sticks together no matter what."

"We love to have you here with us. You're the best elder sister ever," Theresa laughed happily.

Lou felt a lump in her throat at their words. Never had she witnessed such unconditional love before. Surely she didn't deserve it, but she thanked heaven for that blessing every day. No matter what others would say, these children were the most important thing in her life, and she valued their opinions above anything else. "I want you to know, that wherever I am in the future, whatever may happen to me, I do love you and nothing is gonna change that, all right?"

The three siblings joined in a warm hug and pulled away as a voice sounded behind them.

"Now we just have to hide this little incident from pa," Rachel said from the door. She had witnessed the whole conversation between the three siblings. It had touched the station mistress deeply the way Louise had managed the situation and how the children had responded. She was sure that the incident had brought them closer at least Jeremiah, who had been wary about Louise. Rachel had to admit that Lou had a special talent for children, and if circumstances were different, she would make an excellent mother for her baby. But unfortunately, that was not possible, however much she wished things were different. What they could do now was prevent John from learning what had happened. "And let me have a look at those bruises, young man."

Louise smiled at Rachel as the children lined out of the room. "We can invent something," Theresa said, deep in thought. "We'll say Jeremiah fell down on his nose. He's always so clumsy." Theresa giggled amusedly and ran out of the room while her annoyed brother dashed after her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter XXI**

Days were too long and straining. Kid felt drained of energy and his spirits had sunk down to the lowest point ever. He really didn't know how or when his life had taken this direction. Never before had he been so confused in his life and every step he took made him sink deeper and deeper. His head told him that everything was fine, but his heart told him a very different tale. He felt divided between two very strong forces.

Yeah, he should be happy about everything he had. Many considered him a lucky fella; he was about to marry one of the most beautiful and popular girls in Sweetwater. Patricia was everything any man would wish for. Kid was sure that she would be the perfect wife, and though Kid hadn't seen this side of her, he didn't doubt that she would be a good mother to his baby. It was clear that Patricia loved him, and she had unselfishly accepted the responsibility to raise another woman's child with him. Kid had to admit that his fiancée had admirable qualities, and sometimes he felt he did not deserve her. However, in spite of everything, Kid couldn't feel happy. He knew he should; he couldn't definitely ask for anything else, but Kid just couldn't help it. His heart went out for the petite girl who stayed in that room in Rachel's house permanently. He really didn't understand why she stirred these strong feelings in him. What he felt for her couldn't be compared to his love for his fiancée, and he wished he could change things. It was wrong. He should be feeling that for Patricia and not for her. In a way he wondered if what attracted him so much could be her complete defenselessness. Yet, deep inside he knew the truth, it was something else, something deeper, something he had no power over.

The way things were between him and Lou were not ideal in the least . He wished he could share these moments in her pregnancy with her, but he hardly saw her, and when he did, their conversations were too formal and brief. It wasn't really his choice. In reality he had a terrible row with Patricia when she had found out that he had been in Lou's room with her all alone. Patricia had been livid, and had reminded him of his obligations to her. Her words did not leave scope for doubts, and she reminded him she was making an enormous sacrifice for the sake of their love. Kid remembered the feelings of guilt stirring inside him; his conscience nagged him continuously because he was not true to his fiancée, and her demanding words had just added more guilt to his already crowded soul. Kid felt it was unfair of her to ask him to stop seeing Lou, but he couldn't do anything but consent.

Since that day his relationship with Louise had been limited to simple brief encounters at meal times. He couldn't do much more. Patricia was there every night to check he behaved the way she wished. Naturally, she would not admit the reasons behind her visits to the stations; she always said that she wanted to see him, but Kid didn't buy her excuses. It was obvious that she didn't trust him, which annoyed Kid greatly. He had promised her that he wouldn't see Louise more than necessary, but seemingly this wasn't enough for her.

Sometimes Kid wondered why he had to endure this situation and the way she humiliated him with her distrust, because that's the way he felt, humiliated. From the first moment he had cleared the way for her to decide about their engagement. It was her decision, and she had refused to break up with him, and had come to accept all the changes in Kid's life. That was so generous of her, but he felt suffocated by her suspicions and her stupid jealousy, and she never missed the chance to remind him how much she was sacrificing for him. Kid sometimes felt that he couldn't continue with her petty annoyances, but he never said anything. Deep inside he knew that he was being unfaithful to Patricia, if not materially, in his mind. He couldn't erase Louise from his thoughts, and every night he dreamed about their time together, their never-to-be life in common and over all about his desires for her.

What Kid didn't either like about his fiancée was her unhidden nasty attitude toward Louise. She could feign to be as charming as ever, but it didn't go unnoticed to him how Patricia made Lou feel. Those petty things, the nonchalant comments, her clear bragging about the wedding and her 'innocent' worries about the baby were dragging on Kid. He could feel Lou's pain in spite of the fact that she was doing a good job at hiding her feelings. Yet, he knew and he couldn't remain impassible to Patricia's games. Lou didn't deserve any of this, she was an admirable person and Kid wasn't to allow anybody to cause her any more heartache. She had already had her portion of suffering and Patricia had no right to burden her with her blunt despise.

Patricia Putman was a girl that could be considered lucky, and she had no right to treat somebody like Louise so unkindly. On the contrary, she should feel compassion and show her sympathy. Kid had had many disagreements with her for this reason, but she had always feigned innocence. However, he hadn't let her play with him, and though she was really good at making him feel guilty, she hadn't let her win on those occasions. He had insisted that she should get to know Louise, to really know her. Lou was carrying the baby that would become part of their family in the future, and the least Patricia could do was to show some interest in her condition and try to create a bond with her. It was the most logical thing to do, Patricia had to gradually get used to the idea that she would have to care for a baby soon, and Kid thought that her approach to Lou and seeing her pregnancy progress would be the best way.

For that reason when Patricia came to the station this afternoon and offered to spend some time with Louise it wasn't such a surprise. He had been very insistent, and it seemed that Patricia had finally understood the logic of it all. However, Kid had mixed feelings about the matter. He was not sure if it would be a very good idea to leave the two young women alone; Patricia had explained her plans to him. She was going to take Lou to her big house and meet some friends of hers there. Then they would have some tea and chat. "Girls' talk," Patricia had said. Kid didn't know what to think about this unexpected change in his fiancée. It's not that he questioned her good intentions, but something disturbed him in all this. Yet, he hadn't said a word against it, and had seen them leave the station.

Louise had been more than astonished when a very smiling Patricia had appeared in her room and invited her over her house. The girl was all kindness, and though Louise was wary of Patricia's display of charms, she had accepted her invitation. Lou was too tired of her reclusion between the four walls of her bedroom, and welcomed the break even though it came from Patricia Putman. Louise would willingly bear anything if she could enjoy some freedom for a while. Her longing for some respite didn't allow her to question why Patricia seemed to have changed her attitude towards her. Lou was aware that Kid's fiancée had an obvious dislike of her since the day they had met. With all probability this pretended kindness of hers hid something else. _People don't change their feelings overnight, and much less Patricia Putman_, Louise thought. But spending time with the girl wouldn't harm her, would it?

The drive to the house that Mr. Putman owned was eerily silent and uncomfortable. Louise had no desire to talk with Patricia. She didn't like her, and the fact that she had accepted her invitation didn't mean she had to play the role of best friend. Lou might have nothing, but she could still afford to act without masks. At the beginning of the ride Patricia had tried to strike up a conversation, and had been cheerful and talkative. She asked Louise some simple questions about her and her pregnancy, getting curt and stiff answers. So after a while Patricia stopped her questioning completely and focused on driving the buckboard in silence.

Patricia was fuming inwardly and scolding herself for her fabulous idea of bringing Louise along. She had been tired of Kid's whining about her attitude towards 'Miss Martyr'. How did he suppose she could feel about this dirty matter? Louise had opened a terrible wound, and Patricia wasn't in the mood to sing her wonders. She had accepted to raise her bastard, but seemingly it wasn't enough for Kid. Sometimes he really infuriated her. He had no right to demand anything from her. Didn't he realize the sacrifice she was making to keep him? She had to put up with her father's anger when she had told him the whole story. Mr. Putman had wanted her to break her engagement with Kid, but Patricia would not hear of it. Nobody was going to separate her from Kid. She had waited so long to have him and no one, not even her father, had any right to interfere. Fortunately, Patricia had managed to calm her father down and assured him that she was fine with the situation. He had never denied her anything and this time wasn't an exception. Of course, Mr. Putman had a long talk with Kid and, though his attitude toward the rider had changed radically, Patricia had been relieved that her father hadn't made a to-do about it.

It was not just her father's opinion Patricia had had to bear. It was very humiliating to feel and hear the hidden snickers and whispers of her friends when gossip had spread throughout the town. She was in an embarrassing situation and had become the laughingstock in their conversations. Patricia had stopped talking to many who she had considered almost sisters, but fortunately, she still had some loyal friends. In reality, she didn't care if she had one or a hundred friends. In a few months she would be a married woman and be moving to the city. And then she wouldn't give a damn about those rural girls with their pathetic simple minds. However, she did not like losing the status that she had achieved in Sweetwater, and she could still brag about being the cream in this town of bumpkins.

Despite all this, Kid seemed unable to appreciate her sacrifices and pain. Of course she disliked that crazy girl, what else should she feel? Louise was responsible of the chaos and trouble in their life, but Kid couldn't stick this in his head. He had asked, begged and insisted she change her attitude. Patricia, thought, didn't want to change because she just couldn't stand that girl, but again she had to relent. In one of their now-usual fights he had mentioned something that had made her fear for their engagement. So here she was, driving home with that girl by her side. The drive seemed longer than ever. She had kindly invited her to her house, and it infuriated Patricia how arrogant Louise had answered. She had barely shrugged her shoulders in consent, and no one single word of thankfulness had been pronounced. And during the drive she had been so rude when Patricia had tried to begin some conversation. _Who does she think she is?_ Patricia thought irritated. _She should worship the ground I walk on. I am going to raise her bastard child and now I am even going to let her in my own house._

Patricia sighed relieved when they pulled to a stop in front of her house. Louise made her feel uneasy and uncomfortable, especially being alone with her. At least now they wouldn't be alone. There was always somebody in the house. Her father was surely in his study. The servants and some of the men working for the ranch were always near, and her two friends would already be waiting for her.

Louise was impressed to see the house where Patricia lived as they made their way inside. Rachel had told her that Patricia came from a well-to-do background, but Lou had never seen such a display of luxury. The house was huge and the property could well be three acres. As she looked around the hall, she could tell that the place oozed style and richness. Louise had never been to such an exquisite place before and she felt lost and very small in this house. It wasn't that Louise had lived in poor conditions during her childhood. Boggs had always been a successful businessman, and had provided his family with everything they needed. Louise remembered fondly her old house and how beautiful it was, but it couldn't be compared to this big mansion and luxurious setting.

As Patricia talked to the servant who opened the door, a man came down the stairs and greeted her warmly. Patricia hugged the man affectionately, and he smiled happily. Then the man let his eyes set on Louise. His lighthearted countenance changed suddenly, and he looked at Lou with open coldness. Patricia turned around in the direction that he was looking and hurried to speak up.

"Oh papa," she said, "this is Louise, you know, Mr. Boggs's daughter."

Louise stretched out her hand in greeting and smiled shyly. "How do you do, Mr. Putman?"

The man kept his cold stare on her, and did not say one word. Louise lowered her arm uneasily and downcast her eyes bashfully. Mr. Putman did not even try to hide his obvious scorn and after a while he turned to his daughter.

"Hasn't that boy humiliated you enough?" Mr. Putman ranted angrily. "Isn't it enough what he is putting you through? How dare he? You must stop this, Patricia. You're too good to stand this kind of treatment. This is really the last straw, having to parade around with this … woman."

Patricia put an arm on her father's shoulder to try to calm him down. Lately he was continuously on the verge of exploding at the drop of a hat, and the smallest thing made him blow up. Patricia understood that the situation wasn't easy for him. He had lived his life making sure that she had the best. Her mother had died too soon and Mr. Putman had tried to fill her void as best as he could. Patricia had been pampered and he had never said no to her. Even when she had said that she wanted to marry a Pony Express rider he hadn't said anything against it. Kid might not have a penny to his name, but Patricia clearly loved him. Mr. Putman knew what being in love meant, there wasn't anything more blessed under the sun than true love. He had experienced the joy to be in love when he had met Patricia's mother. Likewise he couldn't deny her daughter the right to feel in love and be loved, but what that boy was doing with her was just unbearable, unforgivable.

"Papa," Patricia said, "Kid has nothing to do with this. It was _my_ idea. And, you know what the Bible says, we have to be compassionate towards sinners and people below us."

Mr. Putman looked at his daughter dubiously and seeing her smile he had no other alternative but relax his tense features. He kissed her on the forehead and whispered. "I don't want you to be hurt".

"I know," Patricia replied as her father readied himself to leave.

Louise watched the whole conversation between father and daughter in astonishment. She really had been a fool to think that this would be a good opportunity to relax. Patricia was just trying to gain points with Kid. She disliked Lou as strongly as she had shown all those days, and had not turned a hair when she had stated she considered Lou to be below her. Louise scolded herself for letting Patricia play with her, but now she couldn't do anything about it and just prayed that the experience would finish as quickly as possible.

"Louise, let's go into the lounge," Patricia drawled sweetly. "My friends must be waiting there."

Lou followed the girl to the richly furnished lounge. At the far end there was a large window that lighted and warmed the whole room. At first sight it seemed like a picture that she had seen in one of those books that her mother had at home. Though she was upset, she couldn't help but staring in wonder at these luxuries. In one extreme Louise could make out the two girls who Patricia had told her about. They were sitting around a small table and as they entered the room, both girls turned their heads and greeted Patricia. As Lou came near them, she took her time to study them. They both looked very similar, blonde hair, the same hairdo, almost identical clothes and surprisingly the same dazed expressions on their faces.

"Louise," Patricia said as she sat on the couch opposite the girls, "these here are Philomena McCarthy and Emily Stewart."

Lou tilted her head in greeting and sat next to Patricia on the couch. The little table before them was prepared with a tea service and a big chocolate cake. Louise looked at the girls warily. They shot glances at Patricia, their eyes showing unhidden amusement. Lou shifted uneasily on the couch and lowered her eyes as Patricia chatted with the two girls.

"Girls, this is Louise McCloud, the banker's daughter," Patricia said. Her tone had changed drastically. Now Lou couldn't hear her feigned sweetness, but just coldness.

"Mr. Boggs' daughter?" Philomena questioned rhetorically. "The madwoman?" With her question the three girls began cackling hysterically. Louise remained still and quiet, and squeezed the couch arm strongly as a way to restrain the anger she felt building up within.

"And what does she do?" Emily asked when they had calmed down.

"Do?" Patricia asked, not understanding what her friend meant.

"Yes, what is her thing?" Emily explained. "For example, when she was younger, my mother had a neighbor that howled and howled the whole night. He believed himself to be a wolf."

"That's terrible." Philomena added. "How could your mother endure that? So scary."

"They had to move eventually," Emily answered.

"I once heard," Philomena explained with apprehension in her voice, "that there was a girl that killed children and ate up their livers." Her body shivered as she sighed. "It's really terrible. The government should do something to protect us decent folks from these people. They shouldn't be allowed to roam freely."

Louise was so shocked that she could not even react. They were talking about her as if she wasn't present in the room. They were mocking and insulting with their insinuations about crazy people and she felt the blood boil inside her. _"Get a grip of yourself,"_ Lou kept repeating mentally, but the more they talked the angrier she felt.

"What about her? What does she do?" Emily repeated as if she were asking about a dog's tricks.

"Well," Patricia spoke up after listening to her friends for a while. "What she likes doing is getting into bed with decent men."

At her words Louise lifted her head and stared at her in disbelief. Why had Patricia made her go all the way to her house? Had she planned all this just to humiliate her even more? Louise felt angrier by the minute. She might be used to hearing snide remarks from Boggs, but Patricia had no right to insult her. She wasn't going to allow to be treated like that by anyone else. Patricia could have the fortune of King Solomon, be the most popular girl in Sweetwater, and have an enviable beauty, but nothing entitled her to treat Louise as she was doing.

"Robbie once had a problem with one of those loose women too." Louise heard one of those girls say. "She tried to deceive …"

"I'm fond of cutlery," Louise suddenly said, interrupting the girl's tale. The three young women turned their amused gazes towards her. They had thought that they could have a good laugh at her expense, but they had not foreseen that she would be talking nonsense.

Louise took a fork from the table, and run her index finger on the prongs, gently, as if she were caressing them. The girls kept staring at her and couldn't hide their snickers. "It's funny," Louise continued, "how people feel threatened and scared by somebody holding a knife. Yet, they would laugh as ridiculous if that same person had a fork instead." Lou looked at Patricia and smiled at her blankly. "How stupid!" she laughed wryly.

In a flash Louise grabbed Patricia by the arm strongly and hauled her towards her, forcefully sticking the fork into the girl's white neck. The girls shouted hysterically, and Patricia kept thrashing and cried desperately to be left free, but Louise ordered her to shut up. Her voice was firm and menacing.

"Let me tell you a tale, Patricia." Lou whispered near the girl's ear. Patricia kept thrashing, and looking at Lou with wide eyes in fear, but Louise reinforced her grip on her.

"You're hurting me!" Patricia screamed, tears overflowing her eyes.

Louise ignored her pleadings. "Down there in the asylum Miss Lily was angry with Mrs. Douglas, well, angry is not the word, she was livid… seething with fury. You know why?" Lou looked Patricia in the eyes intently, and the girl fearfully shook her head. "Well, I don't know either, but it ain't important anyway. One day in the dining room, Lily could not control her temper any longer, lunged herself against Mrs. Douglas, and stuck a fork like this one into the other lady's neck," As Louise was saying this, she purposely dug the fork deeper into Patricia's neck. The girl screamed in fear and pain and began sobbing loudly. "I was there, and saw everything," Louise continued in a very calm voice. "Three holes in her perfect neck. The blood gushed out like anything I have ever seen." Louise unleashed her hold some and her words were whispered purposely as she stroked Patricia's neck with the fork. "She died almost instantly, but the blood didn't stop seeping through the three holes until she was completely empty, drained, dry." Louise laughed. "Isn't it a beautiful story?"

Patricia nodded fearfully, tears streaking her face. Louise watched her silently, and finally released her from her grip with a strong push. The other girls were frozen in their seats and were also weeping in fear. In that moment Louise realized that she had let her anger dominate her. She dropped the fork heavily, which clacked down on the floor, and she stood up quickly.

"I gotta go," Louise stuttered and retreated from the room awkwardly leaving the three girls in the room shattered and trembling.

As soon as her feet left the house, Louise ran and ran and ran as if the devil itself was following her. The realization of what she had done burdened her mind dreadfully. It wasn't that Patricia didn't deserve her stunt; the girl had been so mean and cruel to her that the scare served her right. Lou didn't feel sorry for what she had done, but now she was well aware of what consequences the incident would bring to her. _"Things can't get much worse than they are,"_ she thought in a conciliatory manner.

After desperately running for a while, Lou realized she didn't know where she was. She wasn't familiar with the surroundings, and hadn't been paying attention when Patricia had driven the wagon towards her house. She was tired and knew she wasn't any nearer the way station. There wasn't anybody in sight and slowly it dawned on her that she might be lost in the middle of nowhere. However, she didn't stop her frenetic running; she couldn't stop. It was as if a strange force made her go on and on and on. On her way she passed paths, trees but nothing told her that she was closer to her destination. Dashing by a beautiful scenery, a pond surrounded by trees, Lou could hear the chirps of the birds in the trees, which distracted her momentarily. All of a sudden, and from nowhere, something appeared on her way, and she stumbled clumsily falling to the pebbly ground.

She scrambled to her feet quickly, and came to see what had made her fall down. It was a sturdy man, and Louise wondered how she had missed him. He was around her father's age and very strong. He was carrying a gun and several pieces of hunt from his shoulder.

"You all right, girl?" he asked hoarsely.

Louise just nodded, too tired to talk. She was panting after her frenetic running and awkwardly managed to whiz. "Where … where's the … way … station?"

The man guffawed loudly as Louise tried to get her breath back. "Girl, you seem in a terrible hurry to post your mail," he kept laughing hoarsely. "But you got it all wrong. North." He concluded and pointed her in the direction.

Louise mouthed a shy 'thank you' and continued running while in the distance she could still hear the loud laughter of the strange man.

* * *

Louise dashed into her bedroom, and dropped on the bed heavily. Gosh, was she tired! She didn't know how long she had been outside, but it seemed as if an eternity had gone by. Now she was so glad to be home. At some point she had thought that she would never arrive, but when she had seen the windmill greeting her in the distance, she had almost jumped in joy. However, her steps had slowed down and neared the way station cautiously. She didn't know if everybody had already heard about her stunt in the Putmans' homestead. Luckily, her fears were put to rest as nobody was at sight around the station or even in the house.

As she lay on the bed, a thought struck her suddenly. What if everybody was out there looking for her? Perhaps Patricia and her father had come to the station, and after hearing the tale they had begun the search for her. Whatever the case was, she couldn't do anything but wait, and the moment she had to face them would be too soon anyway.

In that moment she heard the main door downstairs open and close, and also the voices of Rachel and her father. She began sweating profusely as she thought about him. He would be furious when he learned about the incident. Yet, for the tone of their voices Louise knew that they hadn't heard anything yet, and she sighed relieved. They weren't looking for her as she had originally thought. They must have been in town. As Louise was considering the events of the afternoon, another idea crept into her. Perhaps Patricia wouldn't tell what had happened after all. She had to hide as much as Lou had. Her behavior had been detestable to say the least, and nobody could be proud describing what Patricia Putman had done to her.

As Lou was considering all this, she heard Rachel's voice calling her from downstairs, checking if she was at home. "Coming now, Rachel," Lou called back. It was almost dinnertime, and Louise got ready to go down. Her legs hurt terribly after the long run she had undertaken, but she didn't care. Her spirits were high and she felt lighthearted. Perhaps the day wouldn't turn as bad as she first thought. However, as she was climbing down the stairs, she heard a terrible tumult. The door slammed open and several loud voices cold be heard. At that moment her hopes crumbled and she realized what was going on. There was no going back now.

When Louise reached the last flight of stairs, she stopped dead on one of the steps as she saw a very angry Mr. Putman purposely pointed towards her. "It was her," the man bellowed. "She tried to kill my daughter."

Louise froze on the spot, and didn't dare to take another step as this man stalked towards her like a furious beast. She took her time to look around while the loud voice of Mr. Putman resounded in the room. To her dismay everybody was there since they must have followed Patricia and her father inside the house: the riders, Teaspoon, Rachel, her father and of course Patricia. The girl was still in the same shaken state as Lou had left her. She was crying, and had a strong grip on Kid's arm. Louise felt her cheeks turn brilliant red as she saw the expression of the people looking up at her. They were all watching her with shocked faces. Lou started to feel extremely angry. How did they dare to judge her? They hadn't even given her the opportunity to explain herself. But of course, who cares about what a mad woman had to say? Patricia's word was enough for them. What other logical explanation would there be?

Lou still did not move or say a word. She realized that Mr. Putman had stopped bellowing, and in horror she saw her father coming towards her furiously. As a reflex act Louise quickly tried to take a step backwards, but she was still standing on the stairs and all she got to do was to lean against the wall behind her. She was trembling from head to foot, but she kept repeating inwardly, _'Show them that you ain't scared, it wasn't your fault'._

"I didn't do anything," Louise finally said. Her voice sounded harsher than she had intended, but she was really angry for all the fuss that all these people were making.

Boggs stopped barely a few steps below her on the stairs. His face was solemn and showed the irritation that Louise knew he was feeling. "So tell me you didn't threaten Miss Putman's life with a knife," Boggs said gravely.

"It was a fork," Lou muttered, and seeing everybody's expressions of horror, she hastened to add. "I didn't do anything. All I wanted was to scare her. She and those stupid girls were mocking at me, insulting me, treating me like rubbish. She asked for it, and I just showed her how dangerous crazy people can be. I know how they act. I've lived with them for four years."

Patricia had calmed down some, and managed to find her own voice. "That's not true, Louise. My friends and I were just talking, and never said anything about you." She turned to Kid, and tears began coursing down her cheeks again. "She wanted to kill me. She's jealous of me, and wants you for herself." Patricia wrapped her arms around his neck and continued weeping hysterically.

Flabbergasted, Louise gaped at Patricia's antics and how everybody seemed so ready to believe the girl and condemn her. "I just defended myself," Louise said stoically. "I didn't do anything that anybody wouldn't have done in my place." She turned her eyes towards Boggs. "I have nobody, so I have to defend myself. I just did what you should do for me, father."

Her words managed to make Boggs even angrier. He walked up the few steps that separated from her and grabbing her by the arm he pushed her hard against the wall. "I'm not your father, stupid." Boggs ranted. "Stop calling me father once and for all."

The room was silent, and the only sounds that could be heard were the muffled weeping of Patricia. Everybody remained in shock. The banker was extremely furious, and Rachel feared that his mood was out of control. He had always been quite discreet about his dubious paternity, and now he had let the cat out of the bag in his rage.

Louise looked at Boggs firmly in the eyes. She was adamant not to show him any more weakness; she would choke back the tears that were threatening to spill. Everybody could trample over her as they had always done, but she would show them she could fight her battles tooth and nail. "And," she spoke up loudly, her eyes wide and brilliant. "I ain't crazy. I've never been crazy, but you force me to stay in that hell day and night, day and night, day and night…"

She kept repeating the three words louder and louder; she felt invigorated and strong. As he heard her, Boggs' anger escalated dangerously. He could not stand hearing her anymore, and in his mind-blowing rage, he lifted his fist toward her. Yet, in the last minute he stopped midair when he heard his wife's voice.

"John, stop it. Please" Rachel cried.

In defeat Boggs unleashed his hold, and in that moment Louise scurried up the stairs. She couldn't endure everybody's looks any longer. The tears flowed freely, now and she heard her father behind, but she was so upset that couldn't clearly make out the words he was bellowing after her.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter XXII**

After Louise left the crowded lounge, Rachel talked to the Putmans and tried to calm them down somehow. The events had been hard on them, and the station mistress could understand how upset they were. Rachel was having a hard time believing what Patricia Putman and her father had told them about Louise. It wasn't that she doubted their word, but learning about what Lou could do had disappointed and hurt her. She had never imagined that Louise would be able to do such a terrible thing.

John was right, and right now Rachel felt like a fool. Louise's condition was worse than she had ever thought; of course if it wasn't so, John wouldn't have sent her to that mental home. Louise needed help and they were unable to provide it to her. Rachel scolded herself for her naiveté; she hadn't believed John when he had told her about Lou's state and now she understood everything he had tried to explain since the beginning.

What was worse was the fact that the girl now denied her own condition. When Rachel and she talked, Louise always admitted and accepted her problems, but now her words resounded in Rachel's mind ominously. _'I ain't crazy'. _This was new, and Rachel wondered what additional surprises she would have to find out. The station mistress feared for her family's stability, for the children, for herself.

Louise had barely been at the station for three weeks and her problems had already brought them trouble. She would have to stay over six more months, and Rachel realized that she couldn't wait for the end of her stay. Her feelings about the girl were changing drastically, but she couldn't help it. Since the beginning she had welcomed and been glad for the girl's presence, but now, she was feeling very uncomfortable and afraid. Suddenly she wished Louise's stay at the station would soon be over. John was right; the asylum was the only suitable place for her. They weren't able to help her and Rachel had had to learn it the hard way. She knew that she couldn't treat Louise in the same way as she had any longer. Actually Rachel felt afraid of her, threatened in her own house. When Rachel had seen the bruises on Patricia's neck, she had been horrified. She wondered how someone like Louise, who seemed so sweet and charming, could change so radically in just a matter of minutes.

Too discouraged to continue listening to everybody's 'wise' opinions, Kid had left the house as soon as he had found the way to do so. Though he didn't feel like for company, he had to let Patricia tag along. Actually she had been his excuse for leaving, "_she needs some fresh air to calm her frayed nerves,"_ he had said. But now he didn't know what was worse, either to listen to the two men in the house or to bear Patricia's ramblings. He had to bite his tongue on more than one occasion, and let her continue her harangue. His head was aching terribly and never before had Patricia's voice sounded so strident to his ears. He hardly heard what she was saying, the words were meaningless to him. He just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, and couldn't wait to see Patricia go.

To Kid's relief the girl finally kept silent for a few moments while walking around the station's yard. Patricia studied his solemn expression, and then added softly, "You have been extremely quiet all afternoon."

Her words woke Kid from his torpor, and he looked at her for the first time since she had arrived with her father. "What do you expect me to say?" Kid said in a serious voice.

Patricia was taken aback by the seriousness in his voice and his sour face. He looked very angry, and inwardly she was happy that finally Kid had seen the truth behind that woman. She had been scared out of her wits and had even feared for her life at some point. Fortunately, this incident would benefit her, and if luck was really on her side, she might convince Kid to get rid of Louise. Patricia wasn't a fool, and she had realized long ago that, however much she wanted it, Kid couldn't give up on the idea of the child. But perhaps, with some luck Louise would be sent away during her pregnancy. She had proved that she was not fit to live among normal people, and most importantly, Kid was aware of it now.

Patricia turned to Kid with a wide smile, and using her sweet voice she said:, "Anything, darling. Just let me know how you feel."

All of the sudden Kid stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her with eyes full of fury. "Do you want to know how I feel?" Kid bellowed at her, his anger directed towards the girl in front of him. "I'm furious." Patricia looked at him completely baffled; she didn't understand why she was at the receiving end of his rage. "Don't feign innocence, Patricia," Kid continued in the same tone as he watched the girl's expression. "I told you to be friendly to her, but seemingly your sense of the word is real strange."

"Wh…what?" Patricia stuttered. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. That woman had almost killed her, and Kid was scolding her for her lack of manners? Hadn't he heard her? Hadn't he seen the marks that woman had left on her neck? Hadn't he noticed how shaken she had been? Was he stupid or what? Patricia felt angrier by the minute and in that moment she felt overcome by absolute abhorrence. "I can't believe what you're saying," Patricia cried. "She tried to kill me, don't you understand?"

Kid was tired of Patricia's games, and he did not intend to let her play with him this time. If he wasn't mistaken, this whole incident would bring consequences for Louise, terrible consequences. Patricia just had to be nice and respectful to Louise; that was all. That wasn't asking too much. She didn't need to become Lou's intimate or best friend, just to come closer to her and get to know her better, but it had been a bad idea, and Kid felt guilty for being in a way responsible of all this.

"Don't be ridiculous, Patricia," Kid exclaimed. "She wouldn't kill anybody; stop imagining things. But you, Patricia, didn't treat her well!"

"I didn't do anything!" the girl bellowed back. "She's nothing but a liar." Once again she felt tears of anger prick her eyes. Nobody had ever made her feel as humiliated and little. Her father was right; she was too good to stand this kind of treatment. However, no woman was going to win over her, much less someone like Louise McCloud.

Patricia felt she couldn't understand Kid. She accepted that he, as other men, had had experiences with women before they had started seeing each other, but his attitude infuriated her. How could he defend Louise so fervently against her? Everybody had understood perfectly what had happened that afternoon in her house, which had sparked the usual reactions. But Kid, who should be especially concerned for her welfare, seemed to take sides with that crazy woman.

After Patricia's words, he looked at her coldly. "Don't give me that! Lou has never lied to me, and I know quite well what your dear friends are like."

His words made her lose the little patience she had. "So are you implying I'm the one lying here?" Patricia blurted out, her face red in anger and the tears started coursing down her face.

Kid felt a pang of guilt as he saw Patricia's shaken state. It was true that he had a terrible scare today, and he should be more understanding. Yet, knowing what might be store for Lou, Kid couldn't feel any sympathy for Patricia in this moment. "That's not what I mean," Kid hastened to say.

"So what on earth do you mean?" she ranted furiously. Now she had lost her composure completely and didn't care if she was behaving like a child throwing a tantrum. She paused for a few minutes, and took some time to calm herself. Then she added in a cool but firm voice. "So if she never lies, you surely believe that she's completely sane, don't you?"

Kid was taken aback by her words and he stuttered clumsily. "Well, that's something different…"

"I see," Patricia said with a smile of pure satisfaction. "When you think things over, come and see me. You know where to find me."

With these last words Patricia headed towards where her father was still talking to Boggs. Her gait was resolute and proud as if victorious after a battle. Kid stayed in the middle of the yard looking at her as she and Mr. Putman waved their goodbyes solemnly and left the station.

* * *

That night at dinner everybody's spirit was at their lowest ebe. The bunkhouse was silent, and the only sounds resounding in the room were the clanking of the forks against the metal plates. Boggs had declined dinner that night as he had a terrible headache after the afternoon's events. The children had a small dinner in the house earlier, and were already tucked in bed. Rachel had tried to spare them from the hurt that the incident could cause them. They deserved to be saved from all this heartache. Rachel could not stop thinking about what had happened today. She had seen a side of Louise that she had been totally ignorant of, and she couldn't imagine to what depth Louise's sickness might reach. And Rachel was worried, more worried than she wanted to admit.

The silence in the room was broken as Cody asked out of the blue. "Is it true, Rachel?"

The station mistress looked up. "What's true, Cody?"

"You know," Cody replied hesitantly. "This thing about Boggs not being Lou's real father."

"Apparently yes," Rachel replied softly. "John is quite sure about it. He thinks his late wife was unfaithful to him and Louise is the fruit of her deceit."

"That makes him a remarkable man," Noah stated. "It's not so easy to accept a child that is not yours, and much less one with those problems. I don't know if I could."

Rachel smiled at the certainty in Noah's remark. He was right. John was a wonderful man though she hadn't seen him like that before. She hadn't understood him before, but now she knew how hard it was for him. She was a lucky woman to have him as a husband, but she hadn't told him in a long time how happy she had been since they had married. Rachel made a mental note to tell him first thing in the morning.

Now all she had to do was to forget about the problems, and focus on the important things, her husband, the kids and her express family. She wouldn't let anything else trouble them. Lou didn't have to be a problem. They would just have to keep a stricter control over her as long as she was at the station, and in just a few months she would be gone. Though it hurt Rachel to think about Louise in those terms, she knew he had no alternative. Treating the girl differently would only bring them problems and they had a right to be happy.

Kid listened to this small conversation between Rachel and the other riders, but he stayed silent. He was having one of the worst days in his life, as he felt responsible for what had happened. Louise had been hurt once again, and he had been too hard on Patricia. He knew that his fiancée hadn't played fair with Louise, but he should have handled the matter in a better way. It ashamed him to think how callous and insensitive he had been. He needed to think about what joined him to Patricia, because right now he did not see any reason to be attached to her any longer. They were poles apart, and their views about life were too different.

On top of everything else, now Noah's words and everyone's agreement ignited something powerful within him. How could they consider Boggs an outstanding man because he took responsibility for Louise? Didn't they see the way he treated her? Kid had never seen a loving gesture, a kind word for her, just callousness. What if she wasn't his real daughter? Theresa and Jeremiah weren't Rachel's kin but she had treated them as if they were her real children from the very first moment. Kid didn't see anything remarkable in Boggs; in fact, his attitude was totally despicable. Despite his internal musings, Kid remained silent. He was too tired and sullen to contradict everybody. He didn't feel like arguing right now and he continued eating in silence.

* * *

Days went by slowly. The tension about Lou's attack on Patricia was now forgotten, and no one ever mentioned the incident again. As expected, Kid and Patricia's disagreement hadn't brought on any serious consequences, and the girl had been at the station the following day, trying to make up with Kid. The rider had relented, and nothing more about the issue had been mentioned ever again. The girl had been all sweetness and although Kid had been sure that he didn't want to see her again, he had reconsidered his initial intentions.

Their engagement went on, apparently as perfectly as ever. However, for Kid things were not as smoothly as everybody seemed to think. He had never been completely sure about their relationship, but now it was even more confusing. He feared he wouldn't be happy with Patricia as his wife, not the way he had imagined it would be. She was so different from what he wanted his fiancée to be, she was so different from Lou. They never talked about anything important or about their dreams in life. Kid had tried to lead their conversations to what he considered important, but Patricia always managed to come up with something else. She was constantly talking about the wedding, the arrangements, the hundreds of people she wanted to invite, the other hundreds that she wouldn't invite, what they would be wearing, what everyone would be wearing, about everything.

If it wasn't the wedding, it was the last gossip in town. Kid had even begun fearing her visits to the station, and he had limited his calls on her. Just the thought of her made him feel crowded and suffocated. He had the impression that he had walked into a trap and he couldn't find the way out. The idea of breaking up with her was not possible anymore. Everybody commented on the extraordinary sacrifice she was making for him, and it was true, Kid had to admit. How could he break up with her after all she was ready to do for him? He just couldn't find the courage to act. His sense of righteousness weighed on him too strongly, and he felt paralyzed. He was sure Patricia could guess that he wasn't happy, but she acted as if everything was perfect. She never mentioned or asked him about his feelings, and this infuriated Kid even more. He had to conclude that he was doomed to a destiny that he hated, and the only thing he could do was accept it.

What made everything worse was Lou's current situation. From the day Patricia and her father had arrived claiming reparation for what Louise had caused, Kid hadn't seen her. She hadn't been allowed to leave her room again, not even at mealtimes. Boggs and Rachel had decided that it would be more convenient for everybody's security if she stayed inside all the time. They would not take any more risks, and Patricia's scare had been more than enough.

Rachel always brought Lou the meals to the room, but seeing how little she ate Kid could tell that she was anything but happy with this situation. He was worried that all this would harm her in her current condition. Kid also knew that Rachel now did not allow the children to see Lou, and the rider could sense that this might be dragging on her too much. Lou loved her siblings, and it was not fair to deprive her of everything. She would never hurt them, but everybody thought differently.

Rachel's attitude towards Louise had changed drastically. From what the station mistress said, Kid knew that she did not spend much time with her either. She barely took Lou the meals up to her room, and that was all. Even when Rachel mentioned Louise, she talked as if she was afraid or angry, and far from the sweet and loving attitude Rachel had always had towards her. Kid believed that all these changes might be hard on Lou, and he wished he could talk to her. Yet, he refrained himself from it. He didn't care what Patricia or anybody could say, but it wasn't the best moment. His doubts about Patricia had become certainties, and he was sure that he would do something he would regret later if she saw Louise. So though he had to make a gigantic effort every day, he resisted the temptation to launch himself towards her room blindly.

All these thoughts flooded his mind as he was sitting on the top of the corral fence while watching the horses grazing around. It was the beginning of December, and the early cold air announced a freezing winter this year. Kid was so lost in his musings that he didn't hear her arrive and he almost fell off the fence when she spoke up out of the blue.

"Have you seen Louise?"

After composing himself Kid turned to the voice. "Gosh, Rachel, you startled me."

"Answer me," Rachel demanded in a firm but nervous tone, not paying attention to his words. "Have you seen her?"

Kid looked at her confused. "Lou?"

Rachel was losing her patience. "Yeah, Louise. Have you seen her or not?"

"Ain't she in the room?" Kid asked more confused now.

"Would I be asking you if she were in the room?" Rachel lashed out. "I've looked for her everywhere, and I can't find her." Rachel was almost in hysterics, and she kept gabbling on. When she had found out that Louise wasn't in the room, she had almost had a fit. Recently she had been afraid of what the girl was able to do in her altered state of mind, but the fact that she was safe in the room had calmed her down somehow. Now that Lou was nowhere to be found, her mind had begun reeling under the shock of not finding her.

"Don't worry, Rachel" Kid said. "I'll help you to look for her. We'll find her"

"Thank you, Kid," Rachel smiled thankfully. "I think I'll wait in the house in case she returns."

Rachel headed towards her house, and when she got there, she busied herself in the kitchen. She needed some distraction to keep her mind off Louise, but she seemed unable to do just that. She didn't dare imagine what Lou was up to this time with her sudden disappearance and she prayed that they would find her soon. She couldn't even want to think what they would do if Lou didn't appear. Louise didn't know anybody in Sweetwater. In her state she couldn't go very far. There wasn't any chance for her to be lost forever, was there? Once again Rachel felt responsible of her carelessness, and wondered how Louise had been able to go out without being noticed. She had thought that she had everything under control but she had been wrong once again.

As her mind was reeling under the pressure of her own fears, Rachel heard the main door open and close. To her relief she saw that it was Louise and mouthed a silent 'thank God'. The girl looked flushed, out of breath, and nervous. Her hair was tousled and her clothes were all wrinkled. Rachel came towards her in a flash and grabbing her by the arm she asked with a serious voice, "Where the hell have you been?"

Lou looked down bashfully and whispered softly, "In the barn."

"I didn't see you there. Don't lie to me, girl."

"It's the truth, Rachel," Lou said. Her voice was louder but she didn't dare meet the station mistress's eyes. So the woman cupped the girl's face in her hand and lifted it to her scrutinizing eyes.

"Doing what?" Rachel kept asking. She was angry, and she wasn't going to let Lou play with her. The woman had been scared out of her wits and though she knew she was overreacting she couldn't help it.

"What's wrong, Rachel?" Lou looked at her baffled. "What problem do you have with me? You've changed and I miss the old Rachel."

The woman tried to ignore Lou's questions, and without releasing her strong hold on Lou's arm, she steered her up the stairs towards the room. "I don't have any problems with you," Rachel stated. "You know that your father doesn't want you around the station. I'm afraid that you leave me no alternative. I'll have to see to it that this doesn't happen again."

Rachel spoke these words in a dead serious voice as they reached the room. Lou looked at her confused, and saw her take a bunch of keys out of her apron pocket as she pushed her inside the room. Lou watched her with wide eyes and understood what Rachel meant. "Please, Rachel. Don't." she begged. "I won't do it again. Please."

Rachel had already made up her mind and turned a deaf ear on her. She didn't like this kind of measures, but she could not risk a chance for Lou to get lost again. It pained her to hear Lou's pleas, but she had to remain firm for her family's welfare. She had been too soft before, and they had had to pay for it. She couldn't allow that anything out of the extraordinary happened again. She closed the door and locked it up. She hurried to go down while in the distance she could still hear Louise's pleading calls behind the door.

* * *

Kid couldn't believe his ears. He had been quite surprised when Boggs had told him that he wanted to see Patricia and him privately. He had feared that it had to be with Louise, which like usual would mean something bad for her. Lou couldn't endure much more than what she already had to cope with. It wasn't fair the way she was being treated. Kid had been out of himself with rage when Rachel had told them what extra measure she had to take with Louise. Everybody had obviously agreed, but Kid had been livid, and this time he hadn't kept quiet. Wasn't it enough to keep her there all day? Did they have to lock her up too? What if something happened to her? She was pregnant, and at any time she might have complications and she wouldn't be able to call for help. Kid had explained reason after reason, but it had been useless. _'It's just for her own good,' _they had said and Kid had to bite his tongue.

And now that he was listening to Boggs, he couldn't believe what he was telling them. Seemingly Lou's mother had bequeathed her a considerable amount of money when she had died. It was the money that the woman had received after selling her father's property, and she had wanted it to belong to her daughter. Boggs had assured them that the money had remained untouched in a bank account, and it had even given some benefits all these years. "… of course Louise wouldn't be needing anything from that. And since she's handicapped I'm the executor of this will. You are going to raise her child, so the most sensible thing to do is to give you the money. You have already had too many inconveniences, and this money will make a good wedding present, won't it?"

Patricia looked exultant as if she hadn't seen a single cent in her whole life. "Oh, Kid, isn't it wonderful!" she exclaimed jubilant.

Kid remained silent in his place on the sofa and looked at Patricia annoyed. "We won't be accepting any money," he spoke firmly. "It's not ours, it belongs to Lou."

Patricia stared at him as if he had hit his head and was speaking nonsense. "What are you talking about?" she couldn't understand Kid sometimes. There they were being given one thousand dollars, and he was refusing. "Kid, you're always complaining about money and how you don't like my father to pay for everything for the wedding. Mr. Boggs is offering this money, which belongs to you rightfully as her money is for her child."

Her words infuriated Kid even more, and he couldn't hide his anger. Lately everything about her made him burst. Patricia was already making plans with this money, which wasn't even hers. "This money ain't ours, Patricia. I don't need it to raise my child and that's final," Kid repeated irritated. They were going to deprive Louise of the baby, and it seemed that for Patricia this wasn't enough.

Boggs smiled at the naiveté of the rider. "Son, Louise won't be needing this money any sooner, you know."

His words were the last straw for Kid's patience and he burst out. "With that money you could see to it that she is properly taken care of. That asylum is a hellish hole, and she shouldn't have to endure that situation. I doubt she will get any better there."

Boggs stood up, and came by Kid's side. He patted the boy's shoulder affectionately. "Kid, no matter where she is, she won't ever get well. And let me tell you that every year I make a generous donation to the institution she is in. So that money we are talking about won't make any difference to her. I beg you accept my offer."

His words did not make Kid feel better, and it infuriated him that Boggs pretended to act as a concerned father when he knew better. What if he gave money to the asylum? Probably he was relieved to hand this money for getting rid of Louise. No, he couldn't accept that money, ever. Nothing would change his mind. He couldn't live with himself if he did. How could he enjoy something that would be taken out of Lou's suffering? No, it was out of question, and this time he wouldn't let Patricia or anybody persuade him.

"I…," he began but his words were interrupted as the door slammed open and a very flushed Jimmy came in.

"Kid, get ready. Teaspoon needs us in town," Jimmy said after apologizing for his rude appearance to Boggs and Patricia.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"People are nervous," Jimmy explained curtly. "Some kids found something down in the waterhole."

"Found what?" Kid insisted harshly. The conversation with Boggs had made him upset and Jimmy talking in riddles were not sitting well with him.

Jimmy didn't answer straightforwardly, and looked at Patricia dubiously, as if he feared that she would be too shocked to hear what he had to. Patricia noticed Jimmy's demeanor and hastened to add. "Go ahead. I'm a tough girl. I can hear anything"

"They found a corpse. In the water. A young woman. Murdered."

The few words were enough for the three other occupants of the lounge to understand the whole situation. Patricia gasped audibly, and Kid and Boggs stayed frozen in the room. After a few seconds Kid began getting ready to leave. "Anybody we know, Jimmy?" he asked, fearing the answer.

Jimmy nodded his head slowly. "Marianne," he whispered softly. "Miss Marianne Herrick."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter XXIII**

As the two riders rode into town, they could tell that there was something different; the atmosphere felt tense and strange, and though they had just been there the day before, it did not look the same. Normally, at that time of the day, the streets of Sweetwater would be bustling with activity, and full of people: passersby, ranchers engaged in business, or ladies doing their daily purchases. Yet, today, though there were a few people in sight, in comparison to other days it was almost deserted.

This was not abnormal in a small town like Sweetwater. Whenever something threatening turned up, the town folks hurried to seek shelter in their homes. The situation came back to normal as soon as the matter was settled. Kid could understand that people might be afraid after what Jimmy had told him. The rider didn't know much about the details, just what little Hickok had learned from Cody, but with those bits and pieces one could imagine the rest of the story. People must now be afraid to wander around alone if something threatening was lurking in the shadows. Who could be the person behind this death? Kid had not spoken to Marianne Herrick more than once, but he could tell that she was a nice girl. He couldn't imagine who could do something so horrendous to a young girl. Sadly, in his short life he been witness to many useless deaths, and still, he couldn't understand yet how men had this tendency to fight and kill each other.

As the two riders entered the marshal's office, they saw that Cody and Buck were already there and seemed to be having a deep conversation with Teaspoon. However, they stopped as soon as they were aware of their presence. The marshal stood up from his sitting position and came closer to the four riders.

"Finally you're here," Teaspoon said as the two riders took seats beside Buck and Cody. "I guess you've heard what's happened."

"Yeah, we know," Jimmy nodded, "but we'd appreciate if you elaborated the details."

Teaspoon took a big inhale of air and after a few seconds of silence he began explaining the circumstances in which Marianne's body had been found. "This mornin' two boys, Tommy Wallace and Billy Roberts, decided to skip school and play hooky, you know, lazin' around is more fun than listenin' to Mr. Collins's lessons. I guess from now on they'll think about it twice before doin' it again." Teaspoon grinned wryly. "Anyway, the fact is that they went down to the waterhole, and you can imagine the rest of the story. They quickly came to me and told me what they'd found. Nice way to begin my day. The girl was naked, and from the marks I saw on her neck I can tell she was strangled. I haven't talked to her folks yet, but I can guess that she might've been dead for two days or so. The doctor is now examinin' her, and he'll tell us more that can help us later."

As Teaspoon ended his brief elaboration, a deathly silence fell around the room. The morbid details had left the riders horrified. Whoever had been the author of these terrible acts would have to pay for it. It was true that they had had their share of problems here in Sweetwater, but nothing could be compared to this. Marianne Herrick was a lovely girl, and though she had a reputation for being too amiable to the men in town, she didn't seem to be the kind of girl who mingled with undesirable people or who could be involved in some unclear business. No, the most logical explanation to her tragic death was the casual doing of some brutal passer-by.

"Boys," Teaspoon cut off the riders' line of thought. "I want you to ask around and look for possible suspects."

The riders agreed in unison, eager to help in catching whoever had finished this young life forever.

"Do you think she might've been killed somewhere else and then her corpse was slung into the pond?" Jimmy asked.

"Seems so, Jimmy," the marshal answered. "Buck, try to find any possible clues around the place where she was found."

"Teaspoon, I doubt I can find anything," Buck explained. "This last rain must have erased any prints that her murderer may have left."

"I know, son," the marshal indicated defeated. "Just try to find somethin', anythin'. And the rest, ask every livin' soul in town, check the hotel, look for any strangers that have been in Rock Creek in the last two days, find out anythin'."

The riders nodded their agreement and though they felt determined to help Teaspoon in this investigation, they knew that the task at hand would not be easy at all. They did not have one single clue, and they doubted they could find anything very soon. It had been raining the whole night and any prints that the murderer had left would have disappeared by now. Information wouldn't be easy to obtain either. People in Sweetwater were not very fond of talking openly when problems turned up. They tended to hide at home and their fear seemed to make them far more taciturn than usual.

"I can't imagine what a degenerate could have done something like this," Cody muttered, in an unusually somber mood. "I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be a madman."

At Cody's implications the room remained in silence. The blonde rider had been about to add "or a woman" but had opted to keep his thoughts for himself. The three riders and Teaspoon looked at each other with expressions that talked louder than words. Just Kid was clueless about what his friends were thinking about, but he instantly noticed the change in the countenances of the men.

"What?" Kid asked when curiosity took the best of him.

"It's nothin', Kid," Teaspoon hurried to add. He knew exactly what Cody had implied with his words, but he didn't dare verbalize what they were all thinking now. There was no reason that she could be involved in all this. It was a senseless suspicion but in a way it seemed plausible. Yet, they couldn't base their suspects on just a hint, or on her background.

"What is it, Teaspoon?" Kid insisted, annoyed that they were trying to hide something from him. "You all seem to know what all this is about. Speak up!"

"It's just that a name has crossed my mind," Cody answered, "well, seemingly, our minds"

"Who?" Kid asked naively, eager to know if they could have at least one clue to begin with.

When Cody was about to respond, the door opened and a very upset Mrs. Herrick entered, followed by her husband and several town folks. As soon as Teaspoon saw her, he hurried to offer her a chair, which the lady declined. The riders kept aside discreetly as the marshal offered his condolences to the couple and explained the situation to them, of course, obviating the morbid details.

"My poor baby," Mrs. Herrick cried. "She was so young and full of life." The woman began sobbing loudly while her husband, who seemed to be at the brink of collapse, tried to soothe her.

"Mrs. Herrick," Teaspoon began, uncomfortable with the situation, "we'll catch who did it. I give you my word."

The woman looked up, and among tears she said in a faltered voice. "You don't have to look much further. I know who killed my poor baby."

Teaspoon and the riders looked surprised at the woman's revelation. The marshal knew that anything that Mrs. Herrick would say had to be taken with a pinch of salt. A woman in her state wasn't the most reliable source of information now, but perhaps she could cast some light on the investigation. "You know?" Teaspoon asked the woman warily.

"Of course I do," Mrs. Herrick cried. Her voice was loud and sounded strident and piercing. "It was that crazy woman, the banker's daughter."

At the woman's words Kid could not help himself and took a few resolute strides to the lady from his position. "That's not true," the rider bellowed.

Teaspoon held out his hand in a gesture to stop the boy from launching himself in frenzy, and Kid stopped, though still angered by the woman's words. Yet, Mrs. Herrick continued her harangue, paying no attention to the boy's words. "She threatened my baby's life, more than once. I didn't understand it then, but now I see it as clear as light and…" but she couldn't continue as her voice was drowned by sobs.

"It's true, Marshal," another woman added. "We were all witnesses to that, even that boy." She pointed her finger in Kid's direction. "And I've heard that recently she tried to kill Mr. Putman's daughter, that lovely girl."

Kid heard all this in a frenetic state. People couldn't be serious to believe that Lou could do something so terrible. He hadn't been able to stop the gossip about her confrontation with Patricia from spreading. Although he had managed to convince Patricia to be discreet about the whole matter, he had no power to keep her friends or her father in line. So much to his sorrow the tale had gone from mouth to mouth and Lou's already spoiled reputation had gotten worse. And now these people were trying to accuse Louise of something he was sure she couldn't have done. Apart from the fact that she was confined inside her room, he was sure that Lou couldn't kill anybody.

"Well," Teaspoon said, "we'll investigate your suspicions, Mrs. Herrick, but I'm afraid you're mistaken here. That girl is never allowed to wander out of the way station, so…"

"Teaspoon," Tompkins interrupted the marshal. He was one of the several people accompanying Mrs. Herrick. "We heard plain and clear how she described the way Miss Herrick would die. Ain't that enough evidence?"

Teaspoon listened to the storeowner irritated. The man was always interfering in his business; he always had to add his two cents and as a rule, he didn't help any, rather he was a painful nuisance. "Tompkins," the old marshal said firmly, "we can't condemn anybody for what they say. In that case I'd have the cells packed with stupid big mouths."

"And what about her attempt to murder Miss Putman?" Tompkins insisted. "We ain't gonna allow you to hide any of your protégés."

The store keeper's words ignited Teaspoon's rage and the marshal ran out of patience. "Tompkins, you're offendin' me. I said I will investigate it. And now you better go home. I need to find a murderer."

With these words the group of people decided to leave the office, but Teaspoon feared that in their heads they had already judged and condemned the girl. He admitted that his first thoughts had been much in the same line, and he couldn't blame these people for thinking like that. It was not right to be carried away by his impression of the girl. He hadn't had much opportunity to get to know her, and he had only heard all the incidents that she had recently taken part in.

Somehow Teaspoon had tried to keep his distance from her as her presence greatly reminded him of Eberly, one of the other men besides Teaspoon who had survived in El Álamo. Recently the marshal had to go in an odyssey as one by one all the survivors in that terrible ordeal had ended up murdered. To a greater or lesser length, this conflict had affected every one of them, and they had to carry a heavy burden from then on. Sadly it had been hardest for Eberly, and his mind had suffered from the craziness that any war meant. His pain had been too much to bear, and somehow he had lived every day with those terrible memories, the thousands of deaths, the images of corpses all around, their useless attempt to find help. Finally he hadn't been able to stand the guilt of continuing living whereas so many others had given their lives in the battlefield. He had been the hand behind the deaths of all the other survivors. For Teaspoon it had been a horrible moment in his life as he had to kill this poor soul in the same spot where everything had begun. Teaspoon had tried to put everything behind him, but he still felt consumed by remorse every day. And now this girl's presence did not make things better for his haunted dreams, so he tried to keep away from her as much as possible. He even skipped some of the meals when he was sure that she would be there. Teaspoon hadn't told anybody about this. Oddly enough, he felt ashamed of his own feelings and actions. He wasn't sure if Louise had anything to do with the things that she was being accused of, but from experience Teaspoon knew that it was a very logical explanation.

"Teaspoon!" Kid called, snapping the old marshal from his deep thoughts.

"Yeah, Kid?"

"She didn't do it," Kid stated firmly. "I know her and she couldn't do something like that."

ç

"Don't worry, Kid," Teaspoon tried to reassure him. "We'll catch the real murderer, but we have to investigate all the possibilities."

Kid nodded gruffly and added. "You yourself said that she can't be a suspect as she never leaves the station."

"That's true," Teaspoon said, trying to avoid Kid's insistent reasoning.

"Hey, Cody. Who were you talking about before the Herricks arrived?" Kid asked the blonde rider, eager to avert suspicion from Louise. He couldn't understand how anybody might believe that she was guilty. People just wanted a suspect and Lou was an easy target, but he would see to it that the real murderer was brought to justice. Now he had a more powerful reason and he wouldn't let this whole incident harm Louise.

Cody looked around uncomfortably and he knew that he couldn't avoid Kid's inquisitive eyes any longer. "Much the same."

Kid watched the bashful expression of his fellow riders, and understood why they had been so reluctant to speak up. "Do you all think she did it?" he bellowed in a mixture of rage, astonishment and hurt. "How can you believe that crap?" He paused a moment and then added in the same angered tone. "I'll show all of you how mistaken you are." Without another word he started towards the door, but Teaspoon stopped him in midstride.

"Kid," the marshal stated, "please don't do anything stupid. Work together. There's no reason to get all so riled up."

The rider kept his hard stare on the stationmaster but said no word. Nobody could understand how much harm this would cause to Louise if gossip spread. Nobody knew her as well as he did, and they had just labeled her as a crazy woman. Lou was more than this, but of course, nobody had any wish to get to know her. Kid felt he couldn't allow anybody to assume those stupid accusations against her. He would see to it that the real culprit was caught and brought to justice. The problem was that they didn't have a single clue, and he was sure that if they didn't find out soon, people would claim Lou's head however senseless the accusations were.

* * *

After several hours of unfruitful inquiry Kid came back to the marshal's office. As soon as they had left the jail, the boys had decided to go in separate ways. They thought that their quest would be more effective. Yet, everything Kid had tried had been in vain. He had lost the count of how many people he had talked to. Nobody had seen anything or anybody suspicious for the last few days, and in the worst case people had already heard of Mrs. Herrick's accusations against Lou and they firmly agreed with the bereaved woman.

Sullenly Kid had made his way back to Teaspoon's office. As he was entering, he caught a glimpse of Buck and Cody, who were already back from their quest too. Buck was telling Teaspoon that he had been unable to find any fresh prints near the scene of the crime as Kid flopped into a nearby chair.

"How did it go, son?" Teaspoon asked him.

Kid raked his hair with his fingers in exasperation and looked at Teaspoon with an expression that talked louder than words. "Nothing," he said gruffly and then turned his attention to Cody. "What about you?"

Cody shook his head in denial. "I talked to everybody who knew her, but they insist on the same, you know."

Kid exhaled strongly and buried his face in his hands for a moment. "Ain't Jimmy back yet?" he questioned.

As Buck was about to answer, the door slammed open and a breathless Jimmy stepped in, followed by a sturdy man. The man was dressed in buckskins, apparently a huntsman, and it seemed that he hadn't seen water for a long time. As soon as Jimmy had composed himself from his flushed state, he blurted out. "I found a witness."

The four occupants in the office looked up surprised, and Teaspoon got up and came closer to the man. "So Mr.…"

"Scott. Jack Scott, marshal," the man answered in a husky voice.

"So are you our witness, Mr. Scott?" Teaspoon asked and when the man was about to answer, Kid approached in a flash and gripped him by the shirt strongly.

"What did you see?" Kid urged him to talk. "Did you see who did it? What did you see? How is it you didn't do anything?"

Teaspoon came to the man's rescue as the boy spat question after question. The marshal knew that all this matter wasn't easy for Kid, but they had to take things calmly. "Hold your horses, Kid," Teaspoon said. "Let this gentleman explain himself."

"I didn't see anybody killing that girl," Mr. Scott began, "but I saw somebody around the place in strange circumstances."

"Strange circumstances?" Teaspoon asked intrigued. He didn't know if the evidence that this man could give might be taken into consideration. He could smell the alcohol-laden breath from where he stood, but so far it was the only clue they had.

"Yeah, appeared from nowhere, running like hell," the man continued. "I had just woken up from a nap, and she knocked into me… almost making me fall."

"She?" Teaspoon questioned.

"Yeah, that skinny girl," the man answered with a husky and harsh voice. "The banker's daughter."

Teaspoon sighed. "How did you know who she was?" Teaspoon asked again. He wasn't going to jump into conclusions in such a delicate matter as this one was.

"This boy here told me," the man said, pointing at Jimmy.

At that moment Kid glared at his friend dangerously, but Jimmy looked back at him defiantly. Noticing the tension in the room Teaspoon hastened to speak. "Jimmy!"

"Teaspoon, he described her to me, and I just told him who she was. It was her as plain as day," Jimmy said.

"I'm just trying to be a good citizen. As soon as this … uh…boy told me she was a suspect, I knew that I could help," the man continued.

"When did you see her?" Teaspoon asked again.

"Well, it's difficult to say, recently, that's sure," the man answered.

After a few more minutes of thorough enquiry the man was allowed to leave, and the four men remained in silence till Kid couldn't hold his tongue any longer.

"Teaspoon, you can't take him seriously! He's just a drunkard; one could smell his breath from miles." Teaspoon kept quiet and his silence got on Kid's nerves. They couldn't be considering taking this man's declaration in serious. This was insane. "Teaspoon?" Kid insisted, his voice tinged with assertiveness and resolution.

"We'll see, Kid," Teaspoon answered, trying to delay a clear answer. He knew that Kid was right. The man's words didn't seem to be very trustworthy, but they couldn't ignore them. "So far it's the only thing we have about this darned matter."

Kid sighed exasperated and began pacing up and down the small room. He didn't like the direction things were taking, and if people began believing those suspicions, he would have to face a whole town. He was certain of one thing. He wouldn't leave Louise alone in this predicament, and he would move earth and heaven if it was necessary. Nobody would hurt her. There was no way he could doubt her innocence, and nobody could convince him otherwise.

"Teaspoon is right, Kid," Jimmy said, tired of his friend's blinded stubbornness. "We need to take the few clues we have into account."

Kid turned around and glared at Jimmy. He stalked towards him and spoke firmly. "What are you trying to do, Jimmy? Find the killer of that poor girl or look for a way to send Lou to jail and a possible death sentence?"

Jimmy didn't feel intimidated by Kid's serious tone and kept a resolute stance. "If she did it," Jimmy continued in the same tone as Kid had previously used, "I won't twiddle my thumbs till she pays for it."

The first punch took Jimmy by surprise, but soon he was handing out blows generously as well. Kid's anger had reached his limit when his friend had uttered that clear threat. His frustration and anger had rocketed when Jimmy had proudly appeared with his witness, and his last words had only added more fuel to the flames.

Teaspoon and the other two riders hastened to separate them. The marshal gripped Kid strongly whereas Buck and Cody tried to restrain Jimmy. Kid kept trying to unleash Teaspoon strong hold, and finally the marshal let go of him when the boy seemed to have calmed down a bit. Kid was still angry and kept glaring around him. He knew that he had focused all his anger on Jimmy and it wasn't fair. He was furious at everybody in this moment but Jimmy had been an easy target in the right moment.

"She's just a sick girl," Kid said after a few silent moments. His voice was barely a whisper but his serious stance was unmistakable. "Leave her alone. Leave us alone."

And with these words he stormed out of the office, leaving the four men with utterly disconcerted faces and wishing everything would turn for the best.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter XXIV**

Dinner that night was a torture to Kid. Naturally the topic of conversation was the terrible event of that day, and he had to bear once more to hear the stupid accusations against Louise. The Southerner had spent all day looking for a possible clue that could cast some light over the identity of the murderer, but his quest had proved barren. He felt powerless and feared that in its hurry to find the girl's killer, the town would take revenge on Louise.

His friends were also ready to believe the story that everybody was telling. As Kid now listened to Teaspoon talk, he realized that the accusations against her strengthened. Oddly enough, people seemed very cooperative all of a sudden, and Teaspoon had received dozens of volunteers wanting to help and of course claiming to have evidence against Lou_. It was ridiculous_, thought Kid. Lou never left the station, but people stated to have seen her everywhere and at all times. Fortunately, Teaspoon was reluctant to believe any of those accusations. So in reality, there was nothing real against Louise, which made Kid feel somewhat relieved.

"It's a pity that Marianne Herrick had such horrible end," Boggs was saying. "She was a lovely girl and didn't deserve so cruel a death." He had a solemn expression, and let out his suppressed breath. "But others," he stopped a moment, emphasizing his words intentionally, "who shouldn't even have been born keep living on so happily."

At his words Kid looked up from his plate where he had fixed his eyes all through dinner, and shot a murdering glance in Boggs's direction. The banker didn't notice his expression and kept eating calmly. Lately Kid couldn't stand the man. The banker made his blood boil whenever he opened his mouth and talked about Louise. He wanted to smash his face and knock him out. How could somebody be so callous towards a defenseless girl? The fact that she might not be his daughter did not give him any right to treat her like rubbish. Kid pitied Lou for the terrible childhood that he could guess she had, and he wondered if Boggs had possibly influenced her current mental condition.

Kid looked around the table after Boggs' comment. _What was wrong with everybody?_ Nobody had said anything against the banker's last remark when it was clear what he had meant. Kid wondered if he was the only one to see the truth behind the apparently wonderful and kind banker. However, he didn't say anything either, and felt the urge to kick himself hard. Why was he acting like this? He had never had problems in standing up for anybody, but with Lou for some reason things were far too complicated, and he felt frustrated and cursed.

"Teaspoon," Boggs continued, "do what you have to do. Don't have any consideration for her. You know, if she did it…"

"John…" Teaspoon was about to answer but Kid cut him off in midsentence.

"She didn't do it!" Kid bellowed furiously. He couldn't allow anybody to believe that Lou had actually killed that poor girl. If people assumed that all those lies were true, soon the real truth would not be important anymore. Although Teaspoon was a good lawman and always tried to do the right thing, it was obvious he was having doubts about Lou's innocence already. Kid was all alone in this crusade and a cold fear had begun setting in his stomach, and until he did not clear Lou's name, it would not disappear.

Boggs laughed wryly at Kid's naiveté and when he was about to reply, noise from outside caught everybody's attention. Hoofs of horses and loud voices could be heard, startling everybody.

"What the hell…?" was all Boggs could utter and jumped to his feet, followed by the rest of the occupants in the bunkhouse. They dashed out and to their astonishment they saw a large group of people carrying torches and guns leading towards Rachel's house. They were shouting, almost on a war footing. Leading them all was Mr. Herrick and when he saw Teaspoon in the middle of the yard he spoke up.

"Marshall," Mr. Herrick roared, his voice clearly laden with alcohol, "surrender my daughter's murderess to us."

"George," Teaspoon answered in a calm voice, "the investigation ain't over yet. I'll let you know any possible findings when…"

"Bullshit," Mr. Herrick continued, "we all know who did it. So stop this game. I have a right to do justice for my daughter. Where's the girl?"

Teaspoon knew that before the matter would go uncontrolled he had to do something. So in a flash he drew his gun firmly and talked loudly and securely. "George, please let me handle the law, and now go home."

The man laughed sardonically and said, "And what if I don't want to? Are you going to shoot all of us?"

The riders standing by Teaspoon kept still and didn't dare to move one single inch as they listened to the confrontation between two men. Teaspoon knew that he was at a losing end; George Herrick was well aware that he had the winning hand. The man didn't care what happened to him anymore. He stood with satisfied and proud stance in the middle of his makeshift guerilla, and when he was about to say something, a voice at the back of the crowd resounded, "Hey there she is. At the upper window."

Louise's outline could clearly be seen behind the window. As soon as the words resounded in the yard, somebody else threw a big stone against the house, smashing the window glass pane, and all of a sudden the light was gone and nothing could be seen. Meanwhile in a flash Kid had launched against the man and punched him hard in the jaw, which caused all the other trespassers to draw their guns on the Southerner. Likewise, the riders had cocked their guns as soon as the intruders had threatened Kid's life. So both groups kept their weapons pointed against each other and no one dared make a single movement. Then a shot was heard; everybody remained frozen on their spots as they saw Teaspoon lower his smoking gun and holler, "Herrick, you and your men go home. Now!"

The old marshal's expression indicated that he would not accept no for an answer, and one by one the men retreated and left the station. The riders remained in the middle of the yard relieved that Teaspoon had managed to avoid a bigger altercation.

"Damn it," Boggs exclaimed furiously. "What have we done to deserve this curse?"

Kid shot daggers at Boggs, but didn't stay to answer him back and instead he dashed towards the house. He wanted to make sure Louise was safe. Flashes of a bleeding Lou lying unconscious on the floor crossed his mind, and he had to shake his head to clear his thoughts as he quickened his pace. Behind him he could hear Rachel fretting about the kids who were in the house, and then hurrying after him to the house.

Kid reached the room in no time, and when he was before the door, he knocked softly. "Lou? Are you all right?"

He waited breathlessly, with his heart in his throat. There wasn't an answer from behind the door. His hands were trembling with worry, and again he repeated his question, but this time louder. The response was the same, silence, and he couldn't bear the uncertainty and tried to open the door. "Damn," he exclaimed loudly. He had forgotten that now her door remained locked up continuously, but in that moment she heard Rachel arriving in order to check on the children.

"Rachel, the keys!," Kid demanded irritated and angrily. He was sick with worry, and couldn't help sounding so harsh. The matter at hand was flooding its banks, and he feared that people had already found the culprit in Lou, and she would have to pay the consequences for a whole town's ire. Fortunately, Teaspoon had managed to control the situation and Kid prayed that the old marshal would be able to sort all this mess out and clear her name of all doubts.

Even though annoyed by Kid's attitude, Rachel gave him the keys reluctantly. It was clear that he was nervous for the night's incidents, all of them were, but that didn't mean they had to lose their manners and lash out. She hurried past him to the children's room with a resolute and serious stance and without uttering one single word. Though deep inside she was also concerned for Lou's safety and pending situation, she did not allow herself to verbalize her fears. She had closed up, refusing to feel anything and had to maintain that position to keep Louise away. She knew that she was usually too soft and if she began coming closer to Lou again, her family might pay the consequences and she couldn't allow that. Louise couldn't be trusted, as her actions talked louder than words. Rachel really felt terrible for the way she had been treating the girl recently, but she knew that she couldn't act otherwise; she had to do it to ensure everybody's and, over all, the children's security.

What now kept Rachel so concerned was the internal fight she was having, debating with herself what she should do. She had been completely horror-stricken when Teaspoon had told them about Marianne's murder. Never had she imagined that something so tragic could happen here in Sweetwater. Weren't these things reserved for books and novels? She had read a lot of those horror novels on missing girls, bloody murders and monstrous killers. Fantasy and reality were completely different things, but unfortunately, this time they had joined together tragically.

When Teaspoon had said that people were suspicious of Louise, she had felt frozen and remained speechless. She had listened carefully to every one of the reasons why the girl was a potential suspect. It was logical the Herricks had a right to feel like this. She had been a witness herself when Louise had had those fits and had talked those then-incomprehensible sentences. The girl had clearly stated that Mrs. Herrick's daughter was going to die and even the way she would. And that was precisely what had happened. It was clear that this was really fishy and with that huntsman's statement the uncertainty of all that got clearer now. But could she believe that Louise was able to do something so atrocious? She wanted to believe in Lou's innocence, but deep inside her, doubts were increasing by the minute.

What was worse was the fact that she could contribute to Lou's accusation. She couldn't forget the day the girl had gone missing and the way and condition she had appeared later. It had been two days ago, exactly on the hypothetical date when Marianne had been murdered. But what if she was wrong? Rachel knew that if she spoke up, Louise would have to face a charge of murder, and the station mistress actually didn't want that. But on the other hand, if Louise really was the hand behind that death, shouldn't she say something? She couldn't harbor a murderer, and justice had to do its duty. The longer she thought, the better the idea of coming clear seemed and the clearer her doubts became. Rachel couldn't tell how long Louise had been missing. She remembered seeing her in the morning, and when she discovered her absence, it was in the afternoon. She may have gone ten minutes or a couple of hours. Rachel had no way of knowing for certain, but it was clear that Louise may have had enough time to leave the station and kill that poor girl. And though Rachel wished to believe otherwise, she knew that Lou was able to do such a thing. They had all clearly seen her instincts when she had threatened Patricia Putman not so long ago.

Rachel began feeling the consequences of her hard thinking in the way of a splitting headache. She was at a crossroads and though her ideas were clearer now, she was still unsure of what she should do. She hated to be in this position, and if she could, she would let somebody decide for her. Naturally this was something she couldn't share with anybody, and in case she did, that person would have to be Teaspoon. Nobody else. Rachel stopped as she found herself in front of the children's door. "Sleep on it," she told herself, "perhaps you'll find the answer overnight." She sighed one moment before entering the room and leaving her doubts and questions behind.

* * *

Carefully and fearfully Kid shuffled through the door into the darkened room. It was pitch-black inside; Kid called her name softly, but nobody answered his call. His heart was racing wildly and he dared grope his way in the dark. His body bumped against the dresser, and his hand clumsily reached for the lamp. Without wasting any more time, he lit it and after the first moments of accommodating his eyes to the light, he could finally make out Lou's figure sitting on the corner of the bed.

Kid let out his breath, which he had been holding since he had entered the room. Lou seemed unharmed, but his relief at seeing her sound and safe was soon shadowed as he took his time watching her. He could clearly notice the changes that had developed in her since he had seen her last. Her pregnancy apparently couldn't be hidden from anyone anymore. She was rounder and fuller now, but Kid felt his heart sink at the vision of her. She was not like other expecting women he had seen. She should be glowing and with that special light that women in her condition had in those moments of their lives. On the contrary, she seemed sullen and her sad and lonely figure talked loudly about everything that was happening to her.

Louise remained seated on the far end of the bed as if expecting something fearfully. She kept her head down, her eyes downcast and her left hand clasping tightly one of the bedposts at the foot of the bed. Though Kid couldn't see her clearly, he could tell that her face was thin and pale, and she had rings under her eyes. No, she wasn't like other women at all. Nobody was here for her, nobody took care of her, nobody saw to it that she was well fed or if she felt comfortable, happy, sad or anything. Kid knew that Rachel had somehow built a wall that kept her away from Louise. The station mistress had stopped acting as the girl's constant protector, and nobody had taken over her role. _"You should be the one to take care of her,"_ he told himself inwardly. _"What if something happens to her? Nobody but you would be to blame."_

The rider came closer to her and called her name softly. "Louise?" She didn't even move and kept the same position as when he had first come in. Her silence unnerved him, and he tried once more to catch her attention. "Lou, are you all right?" he asked as he placed his hand on her shoulder and felt her tremble. It was then he realized that a chill wind was coming through the window those agitators had broken.

"Lou, are you cold?" he asked as he took some steps towards the window and studied it carefully. "I better do something. I can't let you freeze during the night." He smiled in her direction and surprisingly for the first time she was looking at him quietly, but her eyes showed no feeling at all, as if she was detached from the world. Watching her in this way was something almost unbearable, and he turned his attention to the window again and talked without looking at her. "I could use a board to cover the gap, and tomorrow the pane can be replaced." He kept silent for a few seconds as if deep in thought. "Yeah, I think it will work that way," he said absent-mindedly, and from the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of her and how she tried to hide her right hand behind her back. He swirled around towards her and asked, "What are you hiding from me?

She did not answer, and her attitude was draining Kid's patience. Coming closer, he gripped her by the arm carefully but strongly. "Stop playing games, Lou," he said demandingly.

Louise kept thrashing and jerking her arm, but Kid managed to bring her hand before his eyes forcefully, and saw her hand covered in blood. Some broken glass had cut part of her palm.

"Oh, Lou, you're bleeding," Kid said concerned. "Let me do something to stop the bleeding."

Louise jerked her arm free forcefully, and looked him in the eyes purposely. "Leave me alone, stupid!" she cried loudly, with a painful expression in her eyes.

Kid looked at her baffled and tried to keep a calm demeanor, but the events of the day and her silent treatment had been too much for his mood. "Stop behaving like a spoiled child," he said angrily but as soon as his words were out, he cursed himself. He had no right to tell her how she should behave or feel. She had enough reasons to be furious at the whole world, in particular him.

Louise looked at him with a painful expression and lowered her eyes instantly. _How could he dare to judge her? Didn't he realize the hell she was living? What did he think she should be feeling?_ She could not act as if nothing was happening in her life. She felt like a trapped animal in this darn house, and in some moments she even wished she was back in the asylum. At least there she was allowed to have some free time in the yard, and she was not continuously reminded of how inadequate she was. That surprised her. The asylum was the last hole in the world she would want to be, but she had never felt so empty and desolate before, not even in the asylum. Here she saw life passing by from the window Kid was blabbering about, her only contact to the world. She watched all of them working, laughing, chatting; in short, she saw what living meant whereas she felt wasted away day by day. And now Kid had the nerve to judge and undermine her. Deep sorrow filled her soul when her initial anger had vanished. She kept looking down at her lap and said almost inaudibly, "Do whatever you want. We can't let your child suffer any harm."

Kid was taken aback by her bitter words, and was about to say something but his words got stuck in his throat. Anything he would say would sound too insincere and he opted for keeping quiet. It pained him to realize that she thought he only cared for the child when this was far from the truth. He hadn't even given any thought to the baby now, just her, and her safety; he had only thought about her, but it was true that recently he hadn't done anything that indicated otherwise and he could understand her attitude. He looked at her bashfully and just said, "Be right back."

After several minutes Kid returned bringing a wooden placard for the window, and the box where Rachel kept bandages and ointments. He left the board on the floor and then sat by her side on the bed. "First we'll take care of that cut, and then I'll repair the window," he said, and smiled at her comfortingly.

Kid took her hand carefully. "Let me see," he said as he watched the cut that almost covered half her palm. "First we have to clean it," he continued and softly cleared the blood oozing from the gash with gauze. "It ain't that bad. Now I'll cover your hand with a bandage to stop any further bleeding, and we'll be done." Kid looked up again and smiled at Lou, who kept staring at him in silence. He got ready to bandage her hand. That was why he began pulling up her sleeve carefully, but at that moment she tried to unleash his grip and jerk her hand away.

"No, please," a smothered plead left her mouth. Kid stared at her quizzically, not understanding her sudden change of demeanor. Yet, as he looking down at her arm, he saw the ugly old scars on her wrist, and realized the reason. He gazed at her bright eyes deeply that stared back at him in a silent plead. "Lou I have to bandage your hand. I won't look. I promise, all right?" he talked to her softly, and Lou finally nodded reluctantly.

The rider continued bandaging her hand in silence when unexpectedly Lou asked, "Who were those men down in the yard?"

Kid stopped his motions at hearing the question; he didn't want to talk about it and much less worry her. Yet, at the same time he couldn't hide something like that; it involved her directly. "Something happened in town," he began uncomfortably. "A girl was murdered, and people are a bit nervous about it." Louise looked at him with wide eyes as Kid told her about the tragic occurrences in Sweetwater. "It was that woman's daughter, the one in the store, remember?"

Lou nodded sullenly, and added as realization struck her, "They came for me?" The sentence was more an assertion than a question. It wasn't surprising that people reacted that way; she had seen too much already, and back in the asylum more than once the town's authorities had arrived claiming they had to arrest some internee in relation to some occurrence that had happened. She wasn't unfamiliar with this situation and it didn't surprise her that now people in this town focused the attention on her.

"Don't worry, Lou," Kid said softly when he had finished with the bandage. "They don't have anything against you. They're just agitating around. I will help you to prove your innocence, you'll see. Tomorrow I have a ride, but I'll try to trade it with the boys. Don't worry, all right?"

Louise remained silent, looking ahead, and Kid took that opportunity to watch her carefully once more. He couldn't help but stare at her protruding middle, where his child grew. It was amazing to think that a baby, a baby born from their love was growing inside her. At that moment Louise turned her head and noticed him watching her intensely. She looked at him quizzically, and Kid couldn't help but let out a chuckle at being caught red-handed. Lou kept glancing in his direction in a serious manner, not understanding his odd behavior. Kid fumbled for words and when his mirth had calmed down a bit he simply asked, "How are you, Lou?" She kept looking at him in silence, and Kid added after seeing her reluctance to answer, "You know… how are you feeling with the pregnancy?"

"Just fine," she replied curtly.

Kid sighed audibly at her obviously still irritated mood. "Come on, Lou. I just want to know about you. It's my child too, and I'd like to know," he said, "please."

Louise softened a bit after seeing that silent pleading in his eyes, and, despite everything, she smiled in his direction for the first time. "Yesterday it moved," he whispered, and for some strange reason she started giggling.

Kid grinned happily, seeing her now lighthearted mood. That was the Lou he had met and missed. "The baby moved?" he exclaimed. "I wish I had been here with you," he added in a quiet voice, and his mood sank as he wondered how many more of those precious moments he would miss. He really wished he could be with her during her pregnancy, but not just because of the baby; basically he wanted to be with her; that was how it was supposed to be. He would be there for her day by day, night by night; he would spoil her rotten; he would fret over her and even make her angry for his excessive overprotectiveness. That was what he wanted, nothing else.

This darn arrangement was simply illogical, stupid, senseless. He never knew how she felt, if she was fine, or what her mood was. He had never asked life for too much; he just wanted to be with her; that was the only thing he asked life for, and apparently the only thing he couldn't have. He wanted her to be happy, to feel fine, to have a normal life like everybody else. He was sure they would be the happiest people on earth if they were given that opportunity. Wishing, though, wasn't enough for reality to be different. The truth is that she had problems, terrible problems and deluding into believing an illusion would not help matters.

Seeing his sad expression Louise hastened to add. "Kid, don't worry. I have five more months to go and perhaps you can feel it next time or otherwise, you surely will with any other children you have." She had been angry and was angry with him, but her heart went out for him whenever she saw his blue eyes so sad. Perhaps she was being stupid trying to raise his spirits after the way everybody was treating her, but she couldn't bear to see him look so sullen.

Kid gave her a half-smile and her words didn't make him feel any better. It was as if she were a complete stranger to him, as if she was trying to act polite; and the sense that he almost had to make an appointment to see her broke him. In any case, it was obvious that she was suffering the consequences of her loneliness and of his lack of attention. "And how are _you_, Louise?" he asked, really concerned about her health and condition. She didn't look very well, if her thinness was an indication of that.

"Very well," she answered, emphasizing both words.

"It doesn't seem so to me, Lou," he insisted. "You look too thin and pale. I'm not blind, and I see how much you eat every day, and it's not much if you ask me."

Louise was beginning to get angry again. "I didn't ask you," she said gruffly. "The baby is fine; the doctor said so when he was here last week."

"And what about you?" Kid continued stubbornly. "You need to be strong in order to endure labor. Otherwise, the delivery will kill you."

By now Lou was furious and his words just ignited her ire more. She jumped to her feet, unable to endure his close presence any longer. "And what's that to you? What do you care if I die or live?" she ranted, tired of his prying. "When I return to the asylum, you won't see or hear from me again. I'll be dead to you anyway, so dying for real can't make much of a difference after all."

Kid could not believe what he was hearing. "Don't say that, Lou."

"Why not?" Lou cried loudly, tears coursing down her cheeks. "Nobody would miss me and for many it would be just a relief." Her voice faltered and her body was wracked by sobs. She buried her face in her hands, and Kid came and hugged her tightly. He told her soothing words and when he noticed her relaxing, he cupped her face in his hands and looked at her fixedly. "I ain't gonna let you leave me," he stated firmly. "I don't care what anybody might think or say. I'm selfish, and I won't let you slide out of my life. I…" Lou tried to cut him off, but Kid didn't let her. He put his finger on her lips softly to shush her and then continued. "I need you in my life." He paused a moment, and then added softly. "I know I haven't been the best friend to you, but please don't punish me so hard. Kick me hard or slap me in the face, but don't leave me. Please."

Louise stared at him, not understand what was with him. Reluctanly, she nodded, and looked down, keeping her eyes downcast. She felt new tears pricking in her eyes, but she didn't want him to see her crying again. Kid leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "That's my girl," he whispered softly. "Do eat a bit more and I'll repair that window for you. Deal?"

Lou shrugged her shoulders, and went to sit on the bed again. In silence, Kid got down to covering the window with the wooden work while Louise kept looking at him longingly, and just let out a deep, silent sigh.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter XXV**

"Thank you very much, boys," Kid's angry voice resounded in the bunkhouse. "You're proving to me what great friends you are." His sarcasm did not go unnoticed to the riders that were getting ready for a brand new day. The night had been too long for Kid, too many worries flooded his head, and he had welcomed the morning eagerly.

The Southerner was willing to prove Lou's innocence and he would do it… as true as the sun shone high in the sky. Yet, his good intentions had been stopped short as nobody at the station wanted to take the ride he was scheduled for that morning. He would be gone a whole day, and he was afraid of what might happen during his absence. Kid knew that Teaspoon, or his fellow riders, wouldn't let anybody hurt her, but they wouldn't be able to face a whole town in a riot, he was well aware of that. Kid knew that in that case he couldn't do much either, but if he could stay, he would continue looking for the real killer of that poor girl, and naturally he would see to it that Lou wasn't or didn't feel lonely in this mess.

Now his hopes to help her vanished as he would have to take that ride, which made him furious. Seeing that nobody was willing to cooperate and help him, he stalked towards his bunk gruffly and began stuffing his things into his saddlebags.

"Kid," Buck called, "why don't you want to take that ride?"

"It ain't a question of wanting or not," the Southerner said without looking up as he kept preparing his gear in the same angered demeanor. "I need to stay for her; I have to help Teaspoon with the investigation. I owe it to her."

"Kid, in this moment it's better if you stay away," Noah added. "You're too involved in all this."

"Too involved?" Kid snapped. "She's carrying my baby. How in the world can't I be involved?"

"You're thoroughly biased in this matter, Kid," Jimmy replied vehemently. "You are too blind to see the truth."

"What truth?" Kid bellowed in his direction. He was still furious at his friend and his know-it-all attitude unnerved him awfully. "You mean the accusations of an upset woman or a drunkard's wise words, Jimmy? That's the truth I should believe? Sorry but I can't do that."

"Oh I see, how stupid I am!" Sarcasm was clear in Jimmy's words. "We should follow your example, Mr. Sensible. I've forgotten what wise source of information you have in that girl. Oh, wait, ain't she nuts?" Jimmy's antics were infuriating the Southerner greatly, but the rider kept talking, paying him no attention to his glares. "Good, Kid, very reliable."

As he helped his friend, within himself he felt a deep anger that threatened to spiral out of control. There was no mistake. He was alone, and his friends weren't going to help him much. He cursed himself for the bad luck that recently seemed to follow him anywhere. He needed to stay, as it was obvious that Lou wouldn't get much help around here, but he had to waste a whole day on this untimely ride.

"I don't want to fight with you, Jimmy," Kid said after a few minutes. "Just stay away from me." His voice was low and menacing. He resumed collecting his things, and headed towards the door. But when he was about to go out, a tug in his sleeve caught his attention. He looked back and saw Ike looking at him with a quizzical stare in his eyes.

"What did she say?" Ike signed quietly.

Kid looked at him questioningly, for a moment lost in the meaning of his words, and Buck hurried to say. "You talked to her last night, so…?" The Kiowa had realized that Ike was right asking Kid about Louise. They had been arguing about her guilt or innocence, but nobody had been curious to know what she had said.

Kid began reluctantly, "We mainly talked about the baby like that."

"Doesn't she know what's happening?" Noah asked surprised.

"Yeah, I told her," Kid answered curtly.

"And she told you she had nothing to do with it," Cody stated matter-of-factly and snickered wryly. "Ike, I could've answered you myself without sharing a word with her."

Kid glanced at Cody dangerously and the blonde rider shut up immediately, keeping a serious stance. "She didn't tell me anything," Kid continued irritated. He had the impression to be talking to air since what he was saying seemed to be falling on deaf ears. The riders had already formed an opinion, and nothing he could say was going to change it.

"Didn't you ask her?" Jimmy asked from his position at the table where he was cleaning his gun.

"I didn't have to," Kid stated firmly. "I know. I know her."

Ike patted Kid on the shoulder and smiled at him warmly. "We don't have anything against her, Kid," he signed. "We aren't running counter to her. We'll try to help."

At Ike's understanding attitude Kid relaxed a bit and smiled back at him. "Thanks, Ike." But then he turned to the others with a stern gesture and added. "If something happens to her, I hold all of you responsible."

With those last words he opened the door and headed towards the stables. Never had he feared a ride so much as this one. He knew that he should relax and stop worrying. He would be gone one day, and nothing was going to happen. Yet, a cold fear kept nagging him on the pit of his stomach and he prayed that he was just overfretting. "It's just one day," he said to himself. "Just one day".

* * *

Later that day the station came to life as the riders started their daily chores. The children had left for school, and Rachel was working in the bunkhouse like every day. The night had been a real ordeal for her peace of mind. When she had gone and seen the kids after Mr. Hedrick's visit, she had to use all her efforts to calm them down. They didn't understand what was happening and Rachel hadn't had the heart to tell them the truth about their sister. She knew that they were having a bad time coping with the fact that they couldn't see Lou, especially, Theresa. There was not one single day in which the girl didn't ask for her sister, and insisted to see her. She really didn't understand what was wrong with Louise and sometimes Rachel felt unable to cope with her questions. She just couldn't allow Theresa to see Louise after what she had realized Lou was able to do. The station mistress couldn't live with herself if something happened to the girl because of her carelessness. Louise wasn't reliable and every day Rachel felt gladder for adopting those extra measures for everybody's welfare.

The notion of Louise killing that poor girl was not totally senseless. Rachel had been thinking about it all night long, and she had reached a conclusion: Louise might have killed Marianne Herrick and in that case Rachel didn't want her at the station. Though Lou might not really be aware of her actions because of her sick mind, she would have to pay for it. Rachel had been shocked as well as angry when she had heard what had happened to that poor girl. Now that her certainty about Lou's guilt was growing she got angrier and angrier. In a way she felt guilty for letting Louise out of her control; she should have been on the watch. If that was case, Lou wouldn't have wandered away that day and Marianne Herrick would still be alive.

This thought made her hectic and left her in the brink of tears. Rachel considered herself a woman that always had everything under control, but this matter seemed to be slipping through her fingers. All this made her deeply furious; furious with herself, for her carelessness; furious with John for bringing her that kind of problem; furious with Kid for being the reason of her presence again at the station; furious with Lou for turning up in her life and furious with the whole world itself. The more she thought about it, the more certain she was about Louise's guilt. She had no more doubts. Rachel had been musing during the entire night and all the signs lead to that direction. Louise was guilty, and now she had the key to avoid any further harm to the town.

In spite of her certainty Rachel feared the impending doom that was in store for Louise. She still had a soft spot for the girl despite everything that had recently happened. Louise was sick and mostly she couldn't control her own actions, and probably that was what had happened in this case too. Rachel was sure what she had to do, but she wondered what Lou would have to face. Murder was a hanging offense but in Louise's case it had to be different. Louise was not responsible of her owns, and on top of it all, she was pregnant. Perhaps under these circumstances the sentence might be lighter, and she may be allowed to live secluded in a prison or a controlled establishment for the rest of her life.

Rachel was so deep in thought that she never heard the door open and close, or noticed the presence of somebody behind her. So when the man cleared his throat, she got startled and turned round as quickly as lightning. "Oh, Teaspoon, it's you," she said, relieved to see the old marshal.

"Forgive me for startlin' ya, Rachel," Teaspoon apologized. "We are all a bit nervous lately."

Rachel just nodded without saying one word, and continued washing the last dishes from breakfast. Teaspoon came to the stove and, after serving himself a cup of coffee, he took a seat at the kitchen table. From his sitting position, he kept looking at Rachel and her apparent sullen stance.

"Rachel, we'll clear everythin' out," he piped up after several moments of silence. "You don't have to worry. I have the boys lookin' into it."

Rachel stopped, and looked at Teaspoon surprised. She knew that the man was very perceptive and one didn't need to be a genius to see that she was upset. What had surprised her, though, was that Teaspoon was misunderstanding her reasons.

The station mistress hesitated whether she should come clean with Teaspoon. She wanted to let go of the confused feelings that she was having, but she feared the consequences that her testimony would bring. Again the uncertainties assaulted her, but her conscience kept nagging her. After a few moments she finally came up with a decision; a decision that would be the best option for everybody.

"Rachel?" Teaspoon called, concerned for the odd mood and behavior in the station mistress. "Are you all right?"

Rachel nodded, and before she knew what she was doing, she was telling everything to the marshal. She told him about Lou's sudden disappearance a few days ago, the flushed condition in which she had appeared, her lies, everything. The more she said, the better she felt, and as her telling progressed, she began getting angry. Her tone was hard, and she did not hesitate to state clear and loud what she thought about Lou's involvement in this horrible crime. She even confessed her true feelings about Louise, all the pain she was causing them. Rachel did not now why, but it was as if a dam within her had cracked open and now she could not close it. This matter with Marianne Herrrick had only worsened it, and Rachel felt an immense relief to be able to get rid of this burden. _"Yeah, it was the right thing to do,"_ she thought with a proud smile on her face. _"Now everything will be better."_

* * *

Warily Louise looked at the two people who were before her. She was standing in the middle of the cozy and warm lounge in Rachel's house, but today it was as cold as her heart lately felt. Louise had been surprised when her father's wife had called her to come down, but not in one million years could she have thought what this sudden release would have in store for her. After what had happened yesterday, she hadn't had good sensations and now when she heard Teaspoon talk, he had only confirmed her suspicions.

Despite everything she had never believed that Rachel could accuse her, but apparently the station mistress sounded very certain in her accusations. The thought brought a deep sadness, and pain struck her hard. She felt tears prick in her eyes, but she strongly refrained herself from weeping. "I won't cry," she told herself. She looked at Rachel with sad eyes, but the station mistress averted her eyes.

"Honey," Teaspoon began soothingly, "we ain't accusin' you of anythin'. Just tell us where you went that day."

Lou looked at Teaspoon with defeated eyes. She was sure that nothing she might say would help her cause. Everybody seemed to have reached a conclusion, and she doubted that they would believe anything she said. Last night Kid had tried to soften things for her, but the matter was apparently worse than he had made her believe.

"Where's Kid?" she uttered the question in a whisper. He had said that he would help her, and it was now that she needed him.

"Answer the marshal, girl," Rachel ordered harshly. Lou's attitude was infuriating her more than she already was.

"Rachel!" Teaspoon scolded. He was really astonished at the woman's attitude. This attitude was so alien in Rachel, and it baffled him completely. Rachel lowered her eyes and kept quiet. Then he turned his attention to Louise again, "He went on a ride, honey." He paused for a moment, and then continued softly. "So can you tell us where you went that day?"

Louise's face fell at Teaspoon's revelation. She had believed that Kid would be there for her and once again he felt betrayed by him. When will she learn that she should stop believing him? He had never been truthful but she kept deluding herself.

Lou looked at Teaspoon, smiled at him forcefully and answered quietly. "I… I went to the barn."

"I didn't see her there, Teaspoon when I checked it out," Rachel cut her off and talked to the man with a firm stance.

"I was in the barn and…" Louise repeated; her voice merely a murmur.

"I didn't see you there!" Rachel cut her off again, this time addressing her loudly. She came closer to the girl and gripped her by the arm strongly. "Stop lying."

Lou stared at her with wide eyes as if she was seeing Rachel for the first time. She didn't know what had happened to make the station mistress change so much. Rachel had been so kind to her, and in the last week she was acting like everybody else did… even worse. Louise didn't understand why everybody that came close to her ended up hating and despising her. She had been so happy when she had first come to the station; she had very tender memories of those days. Rachel and she had spent hours and hours chatting, and she had welcomed her friendship warmly. It was odd how everything could change so quickly. Rachel seemed a different person now, and was actually accusing her of a horrible crime. Louise had never felt so lonely before. Finding out that the people she considered her friends had turned their backs on her left her devastated and empty within.

Teaspoon came to her rescue and disentangled Rachel from the girl. "Rachel, please," he said. "What on earth is wrong with ya?"

Rachel let go of Louise and looked down bashfully. She didn't' know why she was behaving so oddly. Her mood and anger were out of control. Louise's presence made her extremely angry and watching her look so innocent and naïve seemed to ignite something powerful within her. A nice girl was dead because of Lou, and she had the nerve to make up that stupid story that nobody would buy.

Rachel wondered how she had been so blind to see Lou's true nature. She had been a fool and in a way she had contributed to the present situation with her softness. Naturally, Lou had taken advantage of her good intentions. If she had followed John's advice when Louise had first stayed in the station, she might not have gotten pregnant and they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. Right now Rachel was questioning so much. When the bomb of Lou's pregnancy had been revealed, she had launched her anger against Kid. However, she now wondered if she hadn't been unfair to the rider. She did know him, and she was sure that Kid wouldn't harm or take advantage of anybody intentionally. Maybe he had been just a victim of Lou's scheming. She might be sick, but Rachel knew that the girl was very clever to do that and more. As she now saw her standing before her with that air as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, she wanted to slap her hard and direct all her ire against her. Yet, Rachel tried to calm herself down and turned her attention to Teaspoon.

"Louise," the old marshal was saying, "can anybody assure that you were where you say you were?"

Lou shook her head no slowly and sullenly. She looked down and kept staring at the floor. She knew what would come next. It was as if she were in the middle of a horrible dream and wished she could wake up soon. She felt as if she was looking at the scene from outside, as if she wasn't really actually there. The words that Teaspoon was uttering were meaningless to her ears; the only sounds that she was aware of were the ones that came from outside the house. She could hear somebody cutting wood; the strokes were direct, harmonious and rhythmical. One, two, three… plop. One, two, three… plop. And then again and again. Further away she could hear people chatting and laughing. She could not make out any words, but it was clear that they were lighthearted, enjoying a new day, an everyday occurrence. And at the distance if she paid real attention she could hear a dog bark. Probably the animal was claiming its daily meal or just some attention. Yeah, that was life, the kind of life she had been kept away of. And in that moment she wished she were one of those people, that dog, or even the tiniest splinter from one of those logs. Anything instead of herself.

"Louise! Are you listenin' to me?" Teaspoon called.

Hearing the old marshal call her name Lou looked up and watched him expectantly. The man kept staring at her and sighed.

"Uh …" he began uneasily. "I'm afraid we have enough evidence to… uh… well, the thin' is that … I'm afraid that … I hate doin' it … you know … I have … to … arrest … ya." He uttered his words clumsily and forcefully, not the way he was used to. Teaspoon prided himself of his easiness at speaking but in moments like this he seemed unable to articulate one single sound. He was aware that he was acting correctly, but at the same time he felt uncomfortable having to arrest Louise. She looked very sweet and innocent, but he couldn't turn a deaf ear to evidence. In spite of himself he had to do what he had sworn to do. Gosh, how he hated this job sometimes!

At Teaspoon's words Lou nodded slowly, and kept her gaze down. She felt the marshal's hand on her shoulder and pushing her gently towards the door. As they passed by Rachel, Louise dared to look at the station mistress with pleading eyes, but the woman looked away and kept a proud stance. She wanted to say something but felt a lump in the throat that prevented her to do so. She wanted to scream in frustration, hide away from the world and die. Finally she let Teaspoon steer her out of the house and towards the unknown.

Rachel kept looking behind Louise and watched her disappear from her sight. She had not been able to face Lou's disappointed eyes and though she felt she was doing the right thing, she couldn't help paining for her. In a way she wished she paid for her crime and suffered, but on the other hand she was just a sick girl. Her mind was in a tumult, her feelings were in a jumble and she hated the confusion she was in. Somehow she wanted to hate that girl who had brought so many problems to her, and had broken their peace. She had tried to convince herself of Lou's evil feelings, but deep inside Rachel knew that she couldn't help liking her. Louise had been the only female companionship that Rachel had felt at ease with in a long time. She lived surrounded by men and in town there wasn't a single woman she could call a true friend. She had enjoyed Lou's friendship and knew that the girl felt the same. For that reason she hadn't been able to face her; she felt she was betraying her trust, but she couldn't have done otherwise. _"No, you did what you had to do,"_ she told herself and tried to smile, but guilt nagged her within and she felt like crying.

As they neared the town, Lou came to realize that no matter what she did, her life had been doomed since the day she had been brought to the world. She couldn't remember one single moment in her childhood that she could reminisce pleasantly. Of course she remembered her mother fondly, but all the good memories of her were tarnished by her more abundant ones, the bad ones. She hadn't been like other kids. She hadn't enjoyed that free and careless spirit of childhood that she could now see in her siblings. Louise wondered if she had ever had a life of her own. Things hadn't improved when she had grown up, rather the contrary. Everything that might supposedly bring her joy had meant more pain. Love, a child. Why was everything so complicated in her life? What was the sense and meaning of all this?

Her end seemed to be close, but she didn't feel any fear. If people wanted her dead, she would accept her destiny with resignation. Maybe she deserved everything she was suffering. Sometimes she couldn't fully understand what was wrong with her. It was clear that she wasn't fit to live among normal people, to live a normal life, and in that case she'd rather have no life at all.

As the main street of Sweetwater appeared before them Louise could make out a group of people at the end of it, and as they neared the marshal's office, Lou could tell that the people were not just idling around. They seemed to be in an angry mood and she suspected that their anger might be directed to her. Her suspicions got confirmed as soon as the people saw the wagon that Teaspoon was driving; some of them rushed themselves towards them. Louise began to panic as the men snarled loud and harsh insults. They even tried to knock her but Teaspoon steeled his grip around her shoulders while shouting angrily but he managed to dodge them.

They came to a stop before the marshal's office, surrounded by the mob of people. More than once Teaspoon had to threaten them by upholstering his gun, but the people kept harassing them. Lou felt weak and dizzy as the marshal tried to steer her towards the office. The mob kept shouting menacing words, and pushing and hitting her strongly. The only thing she could think of was her baby, and she tried to protect her middle as best as she could. Then in a flash among the people surrounding them Lou caught a glimpse of Boggs, looking at her with the same serious expression as she knew. Forcefully she turned to look at him and began calling him. "Pa!" she cried. "Please help me. Please."

At her words the banker began walking away from the group who had gathered before the jail. He headed for the bank, but could still hear Lou's voice calling him, but not once he looked back. "Pa!" Lou's voice sounded among the loud voices surrounded her. She was in tears as she saw the only hope to help her walk away from her. "Pa, please."

Teaspoon eventually managed to make their way to the office and close the door behind them. He sighed loudly and seeing Barnett sitting lazily he began bellowing at him. Lou remained in the middle of the office, her mind still on the walking figure outside. The deputy came and steered her to a cell. Tears coursed down her face, and in a whisper barely noticeable she uttered a single word. "Pa".


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter XXVI**

The cold December wind blew across the prairie, freezing everything around. It announced that winter was close by. Soon the fields that were now covered with a carpet of dead leaves and foliage would shelter soft and light flakes of white snow. Everything would be different but at the same time everything would be the same.

Across the prairie a horse and its rider could be distinguished, riding as a flash against the cold winter. No matter how foul the weather was, no matter that the cold made him completely numb, no matter that he had not rested one single minute; all that mattered was to get to his destination. The road seemed endless in this frantic run. However fast he was riding, the end seemed farther and farther.

The rider kept going and finally a smile appeared in his contorted face as in the distance he could see the windmill which announced the end of another safe ride. At this sight the rider spurred his mount faster, and both horse and man made their way to the station at full steam. When they finally pulled to a stop, Kid was grinning broadly, happy to be home and eager to fulfill his promise.

He tethered Katy to a post before the bunkhouse, and headed inside to leave his gear before going and seeing Louise. He opened the door slowly and let himself in. All the other riders were sitting round the table finishing breakfast as Rachel served them more coffee. They looked up to see Kid emerge covered in dust from the rough ride.

The Southerner greeted them warmly and went to his bunk. He would have a shower and get changed before heading to the house and then to town. When he had left on his ride, he had had a nasty fight with his fellow riders, but he didn't want to argue anymore. He was in a good mood, and nothing was going to spoil it. The ride was over, and he would have a couple of days off to try to clear Lou's name from all this business. And he would do it. He had no doubts about it. He had been in a terrible mood all the time he had been away, but now he was back.

"How was your ride, Kid?" Jimmy asked nonchalantly. All of them were wary about Kid's reaction when he learned the news about Lou's arrest. They had been talking about it during dinner the day before, and none was too eager to be the bearer of bad news. They were all aware that Kid would be anything but pleased to hear about it. He had been very nervous and angry when rumors about Lou's guilt had begun circulating, and now that she was arrested and waiting to be judged for murder he wouldn't be happy at all.

"Too long," Kid answered curtly.

"Kid ...uh...," Jimmy began uneasily. "There's something you should know."

At his friend's hesitant words Kid stopped and looked at him expectantly. He knew it was bad news; Jimmy never got that serious if it it did not mean there was something wrong. As he looked around the bunkhouse and noticed the other riders' expressions Kid started getting nervous.

Jimmy kept staring at Kid uneasily and tried to fumble for the right words but everything that crossed his mind seemed too inconvenient. At his hesitancy the Southerner got restless, and when he could not stand the suspense any longer he snapped out, "What is it, Jimmy?"

Kid's words urged Jimmy to talk and he began awkwardly. "Teaspoon found some new evidence yesterday ... and ... well, she's now in jail. Sorry, Kid, but..."

Jimmy had not finished talking when Kid had rushed out of the bunkhouse. He was in a hectic state and all he needed right now was to see her. How had all this happened? He had barely been away for one day, and now she was arrested in one of those cold cells in Teaspoon's office. She might probably have spent the night there all alone, and he had not been there for her as he had promised her he would. Why did he have to keep failing her again and again? He couldn't understand how anybody could believe that she might have done something so horrendous. She would now have to face a murder charge and seemingly, nobody was going to talk up on her behalf. But he would never allow that to happen. They would have to go over his dead body if they tried to do anything to Louise. He wouldn't allow her to be hanged as a common criminal for something she hadn't done. She wouldn't be the scapegoat in all this mess. She was innocent and Kid swore to himself that he'd die proving her innocence in this sordid matter.

As all those thoughts were scampering in Kid's head, he stalked purposely and decidedly towards the stables. First of all, he had to see her and talk to Teaspoon. How could they say they have evidence to accuse her? That was just senseless and nothing anybody could say would convince him otherwise.

He rushed inside the stables and hurriedly began to prepare another mount. Katy was too tired from their run and needed her deserved rest. He caught his saddle and as he was heading to the stall that housed one of the Pony Express' best horses, he dropped it as he spotted something at the very end of the barn. He approached slowly, and when he came nearby, he crouched before her. "Theresa?" Kid called softly.

The child was standing next to the stall of Samson, the tame and mild donkey. Theresa was very fond of the animal, and it wasn't odd to see her feeding it after coming from school. But today it was different. Theresa wasn't feeding the little donkey; she was just staring down at the floor and weeping softly, holding her favorite doll for dear life. As she heard Kid's voice, she looked up and forced a little smile. "They have taken Louise away," Theresa muttered in a cracking voice.

"I know," Kid answered between gritted teeth.

"Everybody is saying that my sister is a ... a ... a...," Theresa tried to continue, but her sobs drowned her voice and left her in hiccups.

Seeing how upset she was, Kid held her in a hug and waited for the girl to calm down. When he noticed her body relax, the rider lifted her head to him and wiped the last tears from her face.

"Listen to me, Tessie," Kid said, "nobody is gonna hurt Lou. I'm not gonna allow it. Sooner than you think we will have her back here again."

"Really?" the girl croaked.

"I promise."

The girl smiled broadly and in a sudden outburst she gave Kid a kiss on the cheek. She had been so sad since she had learned where her sister had been sent to and the reason behind it. The children at school had been very straightforward and at home she had confirmed the truth behind those cruel words. Rachel and her pa always tried to keep her in the dark about Louise, and in this case it hadn't been different. Rachel had tried to explain the situation to her and Jeremiah with soft words. Theresa was tired of everybody trying to hide the truth from her. She wasn't a fool and she could tell by her classmates' words what it meant that Louise was in jail. People who went to jail ended up hanged or sent away. She was very scared about her sister. She didn't understand why her father or Rachel didn't try to do anything to help Louise. She knew it was a mistake but the adults didn't think so. But now Kid's words had raised her spirits. Kid would help her sister and take her out of that place.

"Thank you," Theresa exclaimed, giggling at Kid's red face after her sudden outburst. "You know, she loves you as much as you love her."

Kid was baffled at the girl's words. Was he that obvious? Her first impulse was to deny it, but the certainty in the girl's eyes left him no other way round and he nodded slowly. It was the truth even though he tried to deny it every other day. It was as clear as running water, and now he would prove to her that he was trustworthy of her friendship. If he couldn't have her love, she would have his friendship, and he couldn't let her slip away of his life for a mistake.

* * *

The glass doors to the marshal's office burst out open with a racket, which made Teaspoon wake up from the peaceful slumber he had been enjoying on this calm Saturday morning. He jumped up so suddenly that he almost fell over. It took him a couple of seconds to compose himself and be aware of his surroundings.

"Golly, Kid!" Teaspoon exclaimed in irritation. "Nobody taught ya to respect your elders' time of rest?"

Kid didn't pay him any heed and went straight to the other end of the building where the cells were. At once she spotted her in one lonely cell, sitting very still on the bunk and looking at him with big eyes.

"Lou!" Kid called desperately and rushed towards her. "Are you all right? How do you feel? Do you need something? Please talk to me." Kid asked question after question in a row.

"I'm fine," Louise said sullenly. "You don't need to worry."

"How can I not worry?" Kid exclaimed loudly. "I come back and find out that you've been taken here and ..."

"It ain't so bad," Lou cut him off. "Really. It's like at the station or even better. The marshal is here, and many people come and go. It's kind of distracting."

"Are you really fine?" Kid insisted.

"Course she is fine," said Teaspoon, who had come closer to them, and patted Kid on the shoulder comfortingly. "I'm taking good care of her, ain't I, honey?" The marshal continued in a joyous way and winked at the girl.

Louise smiled at Teaspoon, but Kid kept a serious posture and jerked the marshal's hand off his shoulder. He wasn't in the mood to laugh at Teaspoon's wisecracks or endure his paternal tips.

"You don't need to worry," Lou hurried to say after noticing the rider's attitude. "Teaspoon here says that I might not be executed till the baby is born."

These words ignited Kid's ire even more, and he looked daggers at Teaspoon. "Oh how considerate of him!" he stated ironically. "But I guess that there must be a trial first or are you just going to skip that silly procedure?"

Teaspoon sighed audibly as he listened to the boy patiently. He could understand that Kid felt close to the girl and wanted to be there for her. Yet, the marshal could say that there wasn't much to be done as for Louise's innocence. All the evidence pointed her as the only and prime suspect, so he didn't see any reason to beat about the bush. In all probability she would be condemned, and the good news was that law would respect her pregnancy. The judge might even let her stay in Sweetwater till the time came.

"Kid," Teaspoon piped up, "the judge will arrive on Monday, and I'm afraid everythin' is against her."

The rider kept looking ahead at Louise between the cell bars and turned a deaf ear to Teaspoon's words. He just said with determination and without a single hint of hesitation. "She didn't do it, and I'm gonna prove it."

"Kid," Teaspoon said exasperated, "it's senseless to keep deludin' yourself when everything proves that she's as guilty as sin. It pains me terribly to tell you this, but let it go. There's nothin' else to do."

"She didn't do it," Kid repeated, even more resolutely." And that evidence you are talking about is all nothing."

Teaspoon was losing his patience; the boy's attitude dragging him down. Kid was always sensible and level-headed, and he thought everything over before acting, but now he had turned deaf and blind to reason. They had not found anything that might blame anybody else, and all the traces lead to believe that Louise was guilty of that horrendous crime. Nobody would have any doubts about it with all the evidence but this stubborn boy. "Kid, please, listen to reason, for goodness' sake," Teaspoon continued. "Firstly, this young lady here explicitly explained the morbid details of the victim's death… not once but twice in front of half the town. Secondly, she was seen roamin' round the scene of the crime. Thirdly, it ain't the first time she has been involved in such … activities. Remember the assault on your fiancée? And lastly and most importantly, she disappeared from the station the day that the murder took place and ..."

"Rachel accused her?" Kid cut off, astonished to hear what had eventually caused Lou's imprisonment.

Teaspoon nodded slowly and continued. "And we can't forget that her mental condition is damaged and ..." he tried to carry on but casting a glance at Louise he saw she was looking at him with fixed and sorrowful eyes. The sadness that he saw there made him speechless. He had been talking as if the girl wasn't present, and he hadn't been very nice in his words. He just said, "I'm sorry, honey." Teaspoon didn't know why, but she wasn't like any other prisoner he had ever had. It wasn't the fact that she was a woman or her condition. He had lived too long to have dealt with all kinds of people, but even though he knew all the details of the atrocious crime she had committed, he noticed that there was something special about this girl. Something strange that he couldn't put his finger on. Her presence was overwhelming and oddly enough, he felt beyond horrible for the way he had just been rambling about her.

Louise looked at him and just said, "It's all right, Teaspoon. It's your job, and I guess you are right."

With these words the room kept in silence for long minutes. During these instants Kid had come closer to the cell, and gripped the bars strongly. He kept looking at Lou and he smiled at her as he broke the silence with his words. "She didn't do it," he paused for a moment and then continued addressing her. "I swear I'll take you out of here as true as the sun shines in the sky."

Rising from the bank, Louise came closer to the bars, and smiled back. Kid was there for her and that was enough to lift some of her sorrow. Who cared if everybody else was against her? Kid was here with her, and although probability dictated that everything would come off worse, she didn't care. Life wasn't so bad after all.

Kid continued talking to her through the bars and smiling at her. "Now I have to go looking, and I'll be back as soon as I can. You take good care of yourself, all right?" he said, and brought his hand to her face and caressed her cheek softly. They kept smiling at each other and Kid reluctantly headed towards the door.

Teaspoon followed him and when they were both outside, the old marshal couldn't help blurting what he had in his mind. "You sure what you're doin'?" Teaspoon asked, but it seemed the rider had no intention to answer his question. "Kid, I..."

"Kid!" A call interrupting Teaspoon's words was heard, and both marshal and rider turned their attention towards the voice. It was then that they saw Patricia crossing the street and coming towards them with an ample smile on her pretty face. Kid looked down and sighed audibly as soon as he caught sight of her. He didn't feel like talking to her right now, but he didn't have any other alternative.

The girl came to them and after greeting Teaspoon politely she gave Kid a kiss and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much," she said, grinning broadly. "I won't ever get used to this job of yours."

Kid disentangled himself from her hold and smiled at her uncomfortably. "It was just one day, Patricia."

"One day or a month," the girl insisted. "I miss you all the same. I love you."

Teaspoon smiled at the girl's spontaneous declaration of love, and Kid tried to divert the subject in another direction. He felt very uncomfortable when Patricia began talking like that. He couldn't respond her in the same tone as her and felt unable to lie. He was aware that she knew that he didn't match her feelings in the same eager spirit but she seemed to have chosen to look away. "What are you doing in town, Patricia?" Kid asked her, trying to move on to safer issues.

"Oh, I came to talk to the lawyer," she said matter-of-factly.

"What lawyer?" Kid asked again, his curiosity perked.

"You don't know?" Patricia answered and smiled even more broadly. "The Herrricks' lawyer. I've been called as a witness in the trial, you know. I don't like getting involved in this kind of thing, but I felt obliged to help and ensure that murderess won't cause any more havoc to this town."

Kid was baffled as he heard the girl. She was actually going to declare against Louise and her testimony wouldn't help things for her. "You can't do that," Kid said loudly.

"Why not?" Patricia asked, feigning naiveté.

"You can't be a witness. You didn't see a thing of what happened to that poor girl," Kid answered.

"She tried to kill me and that counts too," Patricia talked in the same loud tone as her fiancé.

Without thinking Kid took her strongly by her arms and talked to her energetically. "You can't do that, Patricia. You know she didn't try to kill you, it was just a scare. And she hasn't done anything this time either."

Patricia pulled away harshly, and she brawled, anger apparent in her demeanor, "Of course she did kill her and nobody will say otherwise."

"That's not true," Kid stated decisively. "I'll find the evidence to prove her innocence."

"For Christ's sake, Kid," Patricia exclaimed loudly and furiously. "Why are you always on her side and against me? I'm your fiancée, and you should be supporting me and not that hussy."

"Stop it, Patricia," the rider shushed her sternly. "I ain't gonna let you or anybody insult her. I'm not against you. I'm just trying to find out the truth."

Patricia looked at him scornfully . "Sometimes I hate you. Do whatever you want and I'll do whatever I have to. Come and see me after the trial. I guess you'll be busy in the meanwhile," she said sarcastically with the venom of a snake, and after uttering those words she turned around and stalked away at a quick pace as if the devil was after her.

Teaspoon and Kid stayed outside the jailhouse, looking after the fuming girl. The rider shook his head slowly and sullenly as he wondered how he had thought he could ever be happy with her. Yet, right now he didn't care about that. If he had to marry her and be doomed to an unhappy marriage, let it be. He couldn't have Louise, so he didn't care if he had to spend his life with Patricia Putman or with any other. As she disappeared from their angle of sight, Kid flopped into a bench nearby and closing his eyes he bumped his head against the wall behind him in frustration.

"Kid," Teaspoon called, "maybe it'd be better if you left things as they are. Don't make everythin' more complicated for ya."

The rider opened his eyes slowly and looked at the marshal with calmness and a serious stance. "What the hell is happening to all of you?" Kid asked in a firm and angered tone.

Teaspoon stared at him with questioning eyes and patted Kid on the shoulder as a way to calm him down, but the rider shoved his hand off and got up suddenly. He began to pace up and down for a few seconds, and then stopped before Teaspoon. "Why are you all so eager to toss her to the lions?" He asked angrily. "Why are you trying to get rid of her as if she were useless furniture?"

"That ain't ..." Teaspoon tried to cut him off, but Kid did not let him.

"Yes, it is, Teaspoon," the boy bellowed. "From the first moment we all learned about her existence, all I have heard are snide remarks, malicious jokes about her. And why? She hasn't done anything to any of you, but it's like her mere presence is bothering everybody. Ain't it enough to have her locked up all day long? Is it that Boggs' _kindness_ has rubbed on all of you? She must feel great, no wonder," he talked sarcastically and angrily. Teaspoon decided not to interrupt him as the boy seemed to be in a hectic state and needed to let some steam out. "I wasn't surprised that the boys made all this fuss about her, but Rachel and you? It's as if I'm seeing you for the first time. You ain't the kind of people I thought you were. There was a time that we fought together and tried to help. But you have never tried to give Louise one single chance."

Teaspoon couldn't hold any longer and answered back. "That ain't true, Kid. I don't have anythin' against her but she killed a woman."

"She didn't do it!" Kid bellowed frustrated. "Can't you understand that?"

"You don't know that, son," Teaspoon cut him off.

"Yes, I do." Kid continued. "I know her. You should understand me. You didn't have any doubts about Jimmy's innocence when he was accused of killing that Downs fella or when Buck was arrested by the soldiers and..."

"It's different," Teaspoon said.

"No, it's not. And you didn't hesitate to help Amanda even though she had tried to kill you and..."

"She didn't ..."

"Teaspoon. Admit it. You did the same in the past as I'm trying to do now. I need to do this for Louise. She needs me, and I ain't planning to fail her," Kid concluded.

Teaspoon came closer to him and placed his hands on the rider's shoulders. "Kid," he began, this time in a calmer tone. "I ain't sayin' that you shouldn't help her. I'm just askin' you to think things over. The lady who's just left didn't sound very pleased with ya and I wonder if you shouldn't be supportin' the woman you love."

"That's what I'm trying to do!" the words were out of Kid's mouth before he had time to realize what he had said.

Teaspoon looked at him baffled and Kid lowered his head towards the floor. Then he lifted his eyes to the marshal slowly and said, "I love her, Teaspoon. I have loved her since the first day I met her. It sounds crazy and I had tried to deny it myself, but it's the truth."

Teaspoon kept looking at him speechless and completely astonished. He had never given it any thought to the boy's relationship with the banker's daughter. He had just assumed that Kid had given himself to a game between teenagers, but now Teaspoon realized that it wasn't so simple.

Kid felt embarrassed and uncomfortable as the station master kept looking at him with that expression, and he hastened to add, "How do you think she got pregnant? I didn't abuse or take advantage of her as everybody has been implying. I loved her. She's like no other woman I've ever met. She's a wonderful person. She's witty, kind, loving and has a golden heart. For me no woman can take the place Louise has in my heart. If it weren't for ..., "and with these words Kid's voice faltered and couldn't continue his tirade. He took a big inhale of air and after some moments he continued. "You see, I can't turn my back on her in all this. Helping her means the world to me. If you knew her as well as I do, you would understand that she wouldn't harm a fly, much less to commit that hideous crime."

After these words both Kid and Teaspoon remained in silence. The marshal was at a loss and couldn't find the right words to say. He could understand the boy better. He was right; Lou was all by herself in this situation; she didn't even have her family's support, but Teaspoon knew by experience that Kid's involvement wasn't such a good idea. It was clear that the rider was quite agitated, and the marshal feared that all this would lead him to more heartache.

"Kid, your position is dangerous. I think you ...," Teaspoon tried to say but the boy cut him short.

"I know what you are thinking, but you don't need to worry about me. I know how the world works and I ain't having any crazy ideas about her." Kid said, "But I owe her big, and it seems I'm the only one she has." He sighed and continued after a few seconds. "I wish things were different but ...," he shook his head and didn't find any more words to say. He came to take his coat from the peg next to the door. Teaspoon gripped him strongly by the shoulder. He looked up at the marshal who was staring at him silently and with a serious expression. They stayed like that for some moment till Teaspoon cracked up a smile and mumbled: "Good luck, son."

Kid returned the smile and just said. "Thank you" and with that he got on his horse and rode like hell, hoping that his quest would turn out the way he really wanted.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter XXVII**

The last rays of the afternoon sun cast over Sweetwater, and preluded that the end of the day was near. It had been raining regularly throughout the day. The cold wind was blowing strongly, hastening the last wanderers in town to look for shelter at home.

Inside the marshal's office, the atmosphere seemed cozy and quiet. Teaspoon had lit the stove to warm the cold room. It wasn't much help as the naughty wind sneaked in through the cracks in the fragile and thin door and windows. The room was almost silent, and the only noticeable sounds were the cracking of the logs burning in the stove and the howling of the wind outside. The day had been calm and Teaspoon had sent his deputies home early as there was no trouble in view. With this autumnal weather everybody, even the most heartless criminals, would cuddle by a good fire, and wouldn't dare go out in the bitter cold. Therefore, Teaspoon and Louise were the only occupants in the office. Kid had left some hours ago, and they hadn't heard from him yet.

From his sitting position at the desk Teaspoon watched Louise carefully. After his conversation with Kid he had been intrigued by the girl and what was behind that tiny person. Even though he had told the rider that he was convinced of Louise's guilt, as a matter of fact, he still had several doubts about it. All the evidence he had was circumstantial, and nobody could say there was a real link between Louise and this murder. No one had really seen anything tangible. Mr. Scott had seen her around the place where the body had been found, but he could not even remember the day he had seen her. Rachel had also said that she hadn't been at home that day, but she couldn't state where Louise had gone. It seemed as if a series of coincidences had allied themselves to bring the girl as the major suspect.

Naturally Teaspoon could not turn a deaf ear to the only evidence he had, and Louise was the person at the end of this line. What made Teaspoon more suspicious was the girl's clear words stating Marianne's death and circumstances of her decease months before the event had taken place. This was real strange, but somebody might have heard Louise's ramblings and accomplished what the girl had said in a delirium. This theory was a bit far-fetched, but it wasn't impossible. But who could have wanted to kill Marianne Herrick? She was just a girl; her parents were simple farmers and there didn't seem to be any obvious reason why she might have had enemies. Of course, sometimes things were not as obvious as they might seem at the beginning. _"Or simply the truth was just straightforward and it was Lou who killed her"_ Teaspoon but thought, deep inside he knew by experience that the apparent truth could lead you in the wrong direction.

He had had time during the whole day to see that Louise didn't fit in with the image of a murderess. Teaspoon had met people who were wolves in sheep's clothing, but there was something about this girl that was different. He feared he was making a mistake, which might result in her being found guilty of a crime she might not have committed. Things weren't as clear as he had thought at the beginning. He wondered if he could do something about it. He was the law in Sweetwater but from the moment Louise entered that cell and the judge was called, his function was limited to keep watch on her. Now he had to let justice take care of the situation. His only hope was that Kid could find something that led them to a possible alternative.

Teaspoon cringed as he remembered his conversation with Boggs when he had gone to talk to him that morning. One of his duties as a marshal was to officially announce the banker that her daughter was in prison. Teaspoon was sure that Boggs must have heard about it before his visit, but he had to play the role properly. And moreover, apart from Kid, nobody had come and seen her, so he had to find out if a lawyer had been hired for her defense.

As usual Boggs had been very kind and amiable when he had received Teaspoon in his office in the bank. The marshal and he had always got on well although they weren't close. The banker was the only man closer to his own age at the station and for that reason Teaspoon sometimes welcomed his company. Yet, his conversation today hadn't gone as well as he had thought. When the marshal had directed the conversation to the matter at issue, the banker's attitude had changed drastically. His voice had turned harsher and his stance had been hard. He had refused flatly to hire a lawyer for Louise. "I'm not going to waste my money in a litigious fellow for her. If she has done it, let her pay for it," Boggs had said and had refused to discuss the matter anymore. He had dismissed Teaspoon impolitely, and that had been the end of the discussion.

Teaspoon had been thunderstruck after he had talked to the banker. However much the marshal had said, it had been useless and he had returned with empty arms to his office. Teaspoon was really baffled at Boggs's response and he wondered how he could not worry just a little bit for Louise. The marshal was well aware that the banker suspected that the girl wasn't his true daughter, and he could understand that the situation wasn't easy at all, but the way Boggs always talked about her was really hateful and illogical. He really didn't care what might happen to Louise. Teaspoon hadn't had much contact with the girl; he knew just as much as everybody in town: she was of unsound mind. Yet, from what he had been able to see in the last hours she seemed a nice girl in spite of her problems. Boggs had brought her up, lived with her since her birth, but his attitude was just abnormal. How couldn't he have mercy on someone who was practically her daughter if not by blood?

As all these thoughts were running in his mind, Teaspoon's torpor was interrupted by a voice coming from the far end of the jail. He got up and approached the cell slowly. He noticed that Lou was staring at him as if embarrassed.

"What did you say?" Teaspoon asked her, standing before her. "Do you need something?" Teaspoon didn't want to admit it to himself, but having a pregnant woman in his office made him uncomfortable. Though he had been married on several occasions, his contact with children or anything about them was practically null, except for when he was a kid himself.

"Nothing, I said nothing," Louise said curtly. She looked down to hide her blushing cheeks. She had been so engrossed in her own world that she had forgotten Teaspoon's presence in the room.

"Come on," Teaspoon smiled at her," I heard you and last time I checked there wasn't

nobody else here apart from ya and me ."

Louise remained silent and did not intend to speak up. She was really tired of everything and she was not in the mood to explain her actions to anybody. Her downcast eyes lifted for a moment, and caught Teaspoon's odd look. Lou knew that look very well; people used to stare at her like that when in their opinion she acted funny. She was so fed up with everybody prying and assuming what they didn't know the first thing about. She might have nothing, but she had her dignity too and nobody was going to doubt her anymore.

She lifted her head proudly, and looked Teaspoon in the eyes decidedly. Her eyes shone with the anger she felt within. The marshal feared he had made a blunder as he saw the expression on Lou's face change. He shook his head and began walking away towards his desk.

"The baby," Louise blurted out suddenly as she stood up and grabbed the cell bars.

Teaspoon turned around and looked at her in confusion. "What?"

"I was talking to my baby," she said, her tone softening at the mention of her child. Teaspoon kept looking at her questioningly, not understanding what she was talking about. "I spend every day all alone, and sometimes I feel the need to talk to somebody, to express in some way what I feel inside and ..." she paused and caressed her abdomen, " he or she is always ready to listen." Teaspoon smiled at the girl's bittersweet telling. "I guess I'm doing it now more often than I thought," Louise giggled as she realized that she had been caught red-handed and hadn't even been aware of Teaspoon's presence. "But I really need to use up all the time I have. The baby ... well... will grow up without knowing me, and in a way I feel my little one can sense me and ... I don't know. It's really stupid, but it's the only time we have together." She sighed and kept quiet.

Teaspoon came closer to the cell. "I don't think it's stupid at all," the old marshal stated. "Nothin' is more sacred than the bond between a mother and her child. You seem a very smart lady to me," he grinned and squeezed her hand through the bars which kept them apart.

Louise looked down, and stared at Teaspoon's hand on hers. She was stunned by the tender gesture, and when the marshal let go of her hand she looked straight into his eyes.

"My father's never done something like that to me," Louise said in a whisper, "he's never had a kind word for me. He never liked me." Teaspoon remained in silence watching as Louise's expression changed from sweet tenderness to utter sadness. "He refused to help me, didn't he?"

Teaspoon just nodded, not really knowing what to say. There weren't words to soften the reality she was living. He looked at her, an obvious apology in his eyes.

"Don't worry, Teaspoon." Louise stated. "It ain't your fault, but it's hardly surprising. He's always been like that. As I told you, he doesn't like me. He likes everybody but me. He's even very friendly to that conceited girl... They seem really close." she said, clearly hurt. She kept silent for a few moments before she blurted out. "Oh Teaspoon, I'm such a terrible person!"

These words perked up the marshal's attention. Louise had been quiet for most of the day, and now that she had begun opening up, he had to take advantage of this opportunity. He was having doubts about the girl's guilt but he wasn't completely sure. He had had so many unexpected surprises in his life that it wouldn't be odd if this case turned out to be as simple as the doing of an unbalanced woman, and he could get a confession from her.

"Why are you sayin' that?" Teaspoon began warily. "Why do you think you are a ...?"

Yet, he couldn't finish the question as the door opened raucously and Kid stalked in. He seemed to be in a terrible mood, and for a moment Teaspoon turned his attention to the boy who flopped onto one of the chairs and held his head low.

"How did it go?" Teaspoon asked although he knew the answer from the rider's expression.

Kid looked up and let out a groan. He got up from his sitting position and clumped across the room. Coming close to the cell where Lou was, he gripped two of the bars tightly, and pressed his face against them.

"I'm sorry," Kid said in a whisper, a sad shadow in his eyes.

Louise smiled at him comfortingly. They kept looking at each other, lost in the moment, expressing thousands of thoughts till Teaspoon's voice interrupted the rapture.

"Didn't you find out anything, anything at all, Kid?"

The rider turned his attention to the marshal, his expression talking loudly. "I've spoken to every living soul in this town. Relatives, neighbors, friends, anybody who knew her, and no one saw anything suspicious that can help us. Everybody keeps insisting on the same." Kid stopped to let out a sarcastic smirk. "They're happy that we have caught the person who did it. Many people are reluctant to talk, and they stick to the fact that we have her murderess behind bars." He sighed audibly, and then continued. "I thought I had a clue. There is this cousin of hers who tried to court her, but she refused. The man is like a hermit, lives all by himself, miles away from Sweetwater, really a brute. That's why it took me so long to come back here".

"And what happened?" Teaspoon asked.

"He's dead. I went into the hut and there he was. It seems a wild animal attacked him, and he must have been dead for at least a month now. I went to the undertaker's and sent him there," Kid finished.

For a moment the two men stayed in utter silence, unable to say one single word. Then Teaspoon whispered. "I'm sorry, Kid."

"Me too, Teaspoon," the rider wheezed, and glimpsed at Lou for a moment. An apology in his eyes.

"We have another problem," Teaspoon continued.

"What now?" Kid snapped, his voice showed a hint of concern and irritation.

"Well, however much you'd like to ignore it, it's somethin' we have to talk about," Teaspoon began. "The judge is comin' in two days and, son, she needs a lawyer but Boggs don't seem too eager to help."

"Did you talk to him?" Kid asked.

Teaspoon nodded. "He won't move a finger to help her. Those were his exact words."

"That low-down..."

"Kid.." Teaspoon reprimanded.

The rider began pacing up and down the small space in frantic anger. "He won't pay a single cent, but he has $1,000 that belong to her, her mother's inheritance. He offered them to me as a wedding present. Of course I refused."

"We can talk to him again," Teaspoon suggested.

"No," he stated. "We don't need him. I'll take care of everything." His stance was proud and decided. He wasn't going to beg for something that legitimately belonged to Lou. Boggs' attitude was infuriating to say the least. Kid was sure that if the banker gave her one single opportunity, he would see how much he was missing. Kid wondered if the relationship between Lou and her father had always been on these bad terms, or if the banker had developed this dislike when she had fallen ill. Anyway, Kid couldn't comprehend his attitude in either case.

"No, Kid," Louise, who had been quiet all this time, spoke up. "You can't afford it. With the wedding and the baby you have more than enough."

"Don't think about it," Kid said. "You are more important right now."

"You need an attorney, sweetheart," Teaspoon added.

"It won't make any difference even if I had a thousand of them." Lou continued. "People have made up their minds about me. I'm already judged and condemned."

"Please, Lou, don't think that way." Kid insisted. "You have to have faith."

Louise didn't say one word, and just looked at him with an expression of utter skepticism. A lawyer wouldn't get anything that Kid hadn't already tried. Nobody would stand up for her in the present situation. Her chances were practically nonexistent. She wished they could skip the whole trial completely. After all, with all certainty she would be condemned, so everything was useless. Louise didn't look forward to enduring the ordeal that the trial was sure going to be. People were sensitive after the murder of that poor girl and the thought of having to face the town in court made her tremble from head to feet. She had seen people's reactions when Teaspoon had driven her to jail. If she confessed she had actually done the deed, maybe she could be saved from all that trouble. Yet, she couldn't come to admit it. Kid had placed all his trust on her, and she couldn't disappoint him. He had done what nobody had ever done for her, and she'd endure anything if that was necessary.

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she never heard the words between Kid and Teaspoon. When she looked again, Teaspoon was nowhere to be seen, and Kid was sitting on his chair comfortably while staring at her. His look made Lou blush, and she hurried to fix her attention in something else. Lately everything seemed to affect her terribly, and apparently Kid wasn't an exception. She had attempted to forget her feelings and however much she had tried, her efforts had been useless, and now just a simple act like his stare made her flush and tremble. Louise tried to hide her red cheeks from him, and turned her back to him as she tidied the bunk a little to sit down.

"Where's Teaspoon?" she asked without even lifting her gaze, busy with the task at hand.

"Went to talk to the lawyer," Kid simply said. "You're stuck with me for a few minutes." He smiled at her though she didn't direct her eyes to him.

"Oh," was all she said as she placed herself on the small bed inside the cell. Louise mustered all his strength, and looked up at him. They stayed in silence for a few minutes, both looking but neither daring say one word till Lou blurted out of the blue, "Kid, tell me something." Kid kept looking at him, a question in his eyes, and Lou asked, "Why are you so sad?"

Her words caught the rider off guard, and it took him seconds to compose himself and be able to utter a word. "Why? Lou, you're unfairly here, and that makes me ..."

"Not now," Louise cut him short. "I mean you've changed since I first met you. Though you smile, your eyes seem sad all the time."

_She had never said truer words_, Kid thought. Of course he looked sad; that was how he had felt since those magical moments they had shared were over. She had left a vacuum in his heart that nobody could fill. He tried to get over her every day, but it was an impossible task. Knowing that she was nearby didn't help things much. All he wanted was her, her alone but things were all against him. He had to get used to the idea that she would never be part of his. That was real life and he wondered how he could ever forget and go on. Of course he was sad, sorrowful, unhappy, heart-broken ... there were not enough words to describe his mood.

He fumbled for right words to say; he couldn't be sincere to her. Things would be worse if he uttered one single thought. It couldn't change anything, and Louise was suffering enough to have to hear his reasons. "I don't know what you mean," he said uncomfortably.

"You've changed and you know it!" Lou stated. "It's fine if you don't want to tell me. But don't lie to me. You're terrible at it." Oddly enough, she started laughing out loud.

Kid joined her mirth. She was right. He was a terrible liar, and it amazed him to see how well she knew him. Lou had been in the station for scarcely a month, and they hadn't seen much of each other, and when they had, it had been troublesome and difficult. Yet, she had been so perceptive to notice his mood, his sadness. Nobody, neither the riders, nor Teaspoon, nor Patricia, had realized how he felt every day. Kid was with all of them daily, fighting, working, living and nobody but she had noticed it.

He smiled at her, and said nothing. He was dying inside to open his heart and telling her why he hadn't been quite the same since she had left. And now that she was here, things were getting worse and worse. She was so near but so far at the same time. He wanted to shout what he felt for her, but he remained silent and just smiled. He couldn't tell her. He just cleared his voice, and managed to utter clumsily. "It's nothing, Lou. Really."

Louise shook her head teasingly at his stubbornness. "You're a terrible liar," she said between giggles, "but thank you." She finished in a serious tone. Kid stared at her questioningly, not understanding what she meant, and Louise continued. "Thank you for all you're doing for me."

At her words Kid's mood sank. "I ain't doing a damned thing, that's the problem." He was still angry with himself for his inadequacy at helping her. He knew that there had to be something out there that proved Lou's innocence, but it seemed that he was useless.

Hearing him, Louise got up from her position on the bed and came close to the bars. She looked at him very closely as he came by her side; slowly with an apology in his looks. Now mere inches kept them apart, and the intensity of his look shied the girl , so she lowered her eyes and focused her attention on her finger that toyed with a bar before her. Kid's presence was overwhelming, his body was almost touching the only physical barrier that kept them apart, and Louise had to swallow the lump in her throat as her eyes followed her tiny finger almost touching him. Finally she found her voice, and managed to speak up though she still didn't dare to lift her eyes to him.

"No matter what the result is," she said in a whisper. "You've done for me what nobody has ever done, and for that reason I'll be grateful to you forever. You trust me, and that's more than I deserve."

She gave him a shy smile, and this time she met his shining eyes. For some strange reason she felt very happy and her heart leapt with joy. In that moment everything around them seemed to disappear. There was no jail, no pending trial for murder, no asylum, no fiancée, no engagement, nothing, just the two of them caught in the magic of the moment. Louise didn't want to think about anything else, all that mattered was before her, and she wished the moment wouldn't end. It was a fantasy that was always on her mind, and now it seemed to materialize. She was thrilled, bewitched in this magical instant. His eyes expressed an unconditional love that she had always longed for. Her head kept nagging and invading her with thoughts of his past indifference for her, but in a minute she shushed these voices away and just focused all her self on the man, on that look calling her.

She didn't know when, but she realized that her hands had gripped the cell bars strongly, and the realization came as she felt Kid's strong hands over her own. She had to suppress a cry of pleasure as her skin rubbed against him. She felt terribly happy at his single gesture of his and she could swear that something inside him had stirred too. He looked different; the sad shadow that covered his eyes had disappeared, and he seemed the same person that she had met and fallen in love with four months ago. That was her Kid and not the caricature she had found this time.

She saw as Kid's head lowered and came near hers; she could even feel his breath on her skin, and her heart was beating wildly. She looked at him expectantly, and then he watched him whisper something.

"We're family. We always will. Don't ever forget that. I'll be there for you, always." Kid said softly and then he retreated to his position at Teaspoon's desk.

As Kid sat back on the rackety chair, he kept focused on the people passing by the window outside. He couldn't look at Louise and didn't dare. Once again he had let himself come too close to her. He had to keep his distance, but he knew that it was a lost battle. She had too much power over him. His whole soul had got lost in those precious minutes and his body was still trembling because of that. He wanted her with his very self, and he had lowered his guard and made his feelings too obvious. He knew that she had seen it and he was at a loss.

Kid had always been so sure that it wasn't a good idea for Lou to know about his deep feelings. He couldn't offer her anything, and he felt unable to tell her that he loved her but her relationship was impossible. That could be devastating for her, and he couldn't do that to her. Lately he had to bear snide comments about the way her child, their baby had been conceived. He was aware that people were talking about his unscrupulous behavior or her indecency. Kid knew that Boggs had "kindly" referred these opinions to her daughter. That was too much to bear, and he couldn't add up a heavier burden on her.

From his position at the desk he dared to throw a furtive glance at her and saw that she had decided to rest and was lying on the bed. He could only see her back and kept staring at her. He let out a sigh and finally mouthed a silent. "I love you."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter XXVIII**

The station was deserted as Kid pulled to a stop in front of the bunkhouse. It was getting dark, which meant the end of a hard day for the riders. The Southerner made his way to the bunkhouse unwillingly. He had to leave Lou and cursed every single second. He needed to check something in the station, and of course he couldn't leave everything to its own mercy. Why did he always have to do the right thing? And of course Teaspoon had reminded him of his duties as an employee of the honorable Pony Express. He cursed himself for everything that was happening; he needed to be with Lou and not here. Of course he knew that he couldn't do anything to help her right now and Louise hadn't complained at all, but he felt he deserted her by just staying away from her. And on top of it all, he had to face Rachel, Boggs and the others. He was not pleased with the task, and didn't feel like having a conversation with them. They hadn't done anything to help Louise; on the contrary, it had been Rachel's testimony that had caused Lou's arrest.

He opened the door decidedly and crossed the room without even looking at any of the people sitting around the table. The bunkhouse was quiet or rather had become quiet when Kid had entered. Rachel and the riders were having dinner; Boggs had stayed in town, seemingly engaged in some business and the kids had gone to bed some minutes before. Those still in the bunkhouse kept staring at Kid inquisitively, while he was gathering some clothes and items. He didn't say one word or acknowledge the others' presence. His head was already too crowded with Lou's problem and a conversation, which would surely lead to a confrontation with the riders, wasn't welcome right now. He was glad that, as the minutes passed by, no one in the room said anything. For once they seemed to understand his need for silence and privacy. But his luck didn't last too long as Cody's voice resounded in the so far silent room.

"Hey, Kid, how was your day?" the blonde rider piped in without realizing the others' glares in his direction.

"A fabulous day, Cody," Kid answered sarcastically. "How do you think it was? I came back from a terrible ride and found that Lou has been arrested. And nobody seems very willing to help her. How would you feel if the woman you …," he paused a moment, realizing the blunder he was about to make. "… if the woman who is carrying your child is accused of a crime she didn't commit?" Kid took a big inhale of air, and then let it out in a way to calm down. "But now, the important thing is to try to pull her out of that mess and…" he tried to finish his sentence but he had no words to express the powerless sensation he felt.

There was nothing else to say and he stalked across the room again towards the door carrying his things. He needed to be in town as soon as possible, and the quicker he finished his business at the station, the better.

Jimmy had remained silent during the whole harangue but as he watched his friend intending to leave he couldn't hold his tongue any more. "Where are you going, Kid?" he asked quietly but visibly annoyed.

"I''m gonna spend the night there, in Teaspoon's office," Kid answered curtly.

"What for?" Rachel finally dared speak. She had tried to find her inner peace after Lou's arrest but though she tried to convince herself that she had done the right thing, deep inside she didn't feel better. John, the boys and Teaspoon had supported her and told her that she couldn't have done otherwise. Their encouraging words had cheered her up somehow, but when she had seen Kid's sullen expression, her mood had sunk again and till now.

Kid turned his gaze towards Rachel and the station mistress could see a strange coldness in the rider's usual warm eyes . She knew his anger was directed to her and she actually couldn't blame him.

"I will be there for Lou as her family has turned their backs on her," Kid finally said, emphasizing the word intentionally.

"Well, … Kid…," Rachel began clumsily.

"What, Rachel?" Kid cut the station mistress off. He was boiling with anger and couldn't bear watching Rachel, looking as this was not important. "Nobody seems to care what happens to her, not one single visit, no inquiries for her health, nothing. I can't pretend that everything is as fine as all of you seem to think. Sorry, I can't do that. I will be there for her, no matter what happens. She ain't alone in all this, and I'll make sure that she knows." He paused a moment to compose himself and then continued. "By the way, thank your kind husband for his 'unselfish' help," Kid talked with a sarcastic smile imprinted on his face. "She just needs a lawyer for the trial, but seemingly that's too much expense for him."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked baffled.

"He refused; he won't move a single finger to help her. He was very clear with Teaspoon," Kid answered. "But you can tell him he needn't worry. We can do without his help, we'll manage."

"Kid, he may have his reasons," Rachel added. She felt that she had to defend her husband. Sometimes he was difficult to understand, mainly if Louise was involved, but he had outwardly always proved to be right.

"What reasons, Rachel?" Kid bellowed heatedly. "He just seems determined to make her life miserable. We didn't ask for his money, but for what rightly belongs to her, her inheritance."

"What inheritance?" Rachel questioned again.

"Her mother's." Kid answered exasperated. "She bequeathed her $1,000. And what clever thing does your husband do? He intended to give away all that money, all her money to Patricia and me. What a kind soul!" he talked sarcastically. "He's denying Louise something that rightly belongs to her. It's not fair."

"I didn't know that," Rachel said, really ashamed of her husband's attitude. "I'll talk to him tonight."

"Don't. You've already done enough," Kid added with obvious bitterness and scorn. The events had clearly dragged on him, and although he had a right to be angry with Rachel, he knew that he shouldn't be talking to her like that. Yet, he couldn't help himself.

"Don't dare talk to Rachel in that tone," Jimmy snapped and gripped him by the collar strongly. He was tired of the way Kid was behaving. He was making a fool of himself, trying to defend that girl so blindly. Jimmy could understand that his friend wished to help Louise, after all, she was carrying his child, but what annoyed him the most was that Kid seemed to believe the girl over everyone else. Just a fool could think she was innocent, all the evidence was against her, and nobody else doubted who had murdered Marianne Herrick.

As Kid felt Jimmy's grip, he struggled to set himself free. Kid gave his friend a strong push and the rider let go off him.

"Stop meddling in my business, Jimmy," Kid blustered. "She shouldn't be in jail in the first place."

"Kid," Jimmy bellowed infuriated. "Why can't you be reasonable just for once? That girl you are fervently defending has killed an innocent young woman. Nobody doubts that, just you."

"She didn't do it," Kid muttered angrily.

"Kid," Cody, who had been quiet, piped in. "Evidence is there. You can't deny that."

Kid kept silent, looking at the riders and Rachel around him. He felt so out of place right now. It was as if the whole world had turned against him, and he was completely alone. Everybody seemed to be sure that Louise was guilty, but nobody could make him hesitate. Those charges were just senseless, and it was shocking that anybody could believe all that. Yet, Kid feared that Lou's mental condition could be enough to condemn her for something she hadn't done, whereas the real culprit was somewhere out there enjoying life. It was utterly unfair and he couldn't allow that.

Kid sighed audibly and let out his frustration. "She didn't do it," he repeated loudly, emphasizing each word.

The situation was not easy and Rachel could understand the difficult position that Kid was in. She didn't feel very happy either even though she had been the ultimate cause for Louise's arrest. Yet, she was sure, or at least she tried to convince herself, that she couldn't have done anything else. Louise seemed to have reached a state that was practically uncontrollable, and though her being sent to prison wasn't a satisfactory solution, Rachel thought that in a way it was worthwhile. She couldn't risk anybody else meeting such a fatal destiny, and she couldn't assure that it wouldn't happen again if Lou remained at the station. John had said that Louise had never been a threat to anybody's life before, but seemingly Lou's condition was worsening.

The station mistress somehow felt terrible for what was happening and tried to think of a way to lessen Kid's pain. She could understand why he felt the urge to defend Louise but in the long run it would only bring him more suffering. She cautiously came closer to the rider and spoke calmly.

"Kid, I understand how you feel, but you know very well that I couldn't have done otherwise. You were here and know that she went missing that day, the day that girl was murdered. I just told Teaspoon the truth and …"

"How long was she missing, Rachel?" Kid cut her off, bitterness pouring out of his mouth. "One hour, two hours…?"

Rachel nodded hesitantly, not understanding where Kid wanted to go with this question. "Yeah, maybe three hours."

Kid tittered bitterly, which caused everybody to look at him astonished. "So you are telling me that Louise, yes, that girl that has only been in town, how many times? Three? Four at the most?" He continued ironically as Rachel nodded his answer. "So according to you, Louise left the station and headed for Sweetwater on foot. Of course she had this fixed idea of killing Marianne Herrick, as most people have heard her say or at least that's what they believe she was trying to say. Evidence is there, ain't it, Rachel? She wanted to kill Miss Herrick, who she had never seen or met. So she got to town and, well, she knew exactly where to find this girl. She must have thought of the Herricks' place, maybe, or any other possible place Marianne might have been it right at that moment and that Lou obviously knew about. Let's suppose she went to her place and you all know, the Herricks' farm is 10 miles away from Sweetwater. But of course Louise walks so fast that it wouldn't have been a problem. Then she meets the girl and she maliciously persuades this girl to go for a walk to the water hole at the other extreme of town. Very logical. And there Louise kills her, throws the body in the pond and finally returns here. And did that take her three hours? Really that long? Maybe she even had time to perpetrate something more that we don't know yet, didn't she?" Kid spoke sarcastically throughout his entire tirade.

Rachel looked down, in a second she felt as if she had made the biggest mistake in her whole life. "I…" she tried to say but she seemed unable to articulate one single word.

"Thank you, Rachel," Kid answered bitterly. "Thank you for sinking her in mud. Now there's no way back. You'd better pray she can be rescued from all this mess, otherwise…"

Kid couldn't finish his thoughts, he was tired. These were the last words that the group inside the bunkhouse heard as the rider left them speechless and at a complete loss. He had talked truly and though everything seemed to make sense, there was still a hint of doubt in their minds. Kid was right, the possibility that Louise had murdered that girl was almost null, but at the same time nobody could be sure about it. Louise was an outsider in Sweetwater and though she had been at the station for several months, she hadn't left it for more than a couple of times. Therefore, she couldn't have met Marianne Herrick or found out about her surroundings. The notion that Louise was wrongly accused and that the real culprit was free now lay heavy on the riders and Rachel.

The station mistress painfully wondered why in spite of all the thinking she had done before reaching her decision, she had passed over those important facts. Maybe she had made a rash decision as she was convinced of Lou's guilt but now it was too late to repair the harm done. Louise was now the target of accusations and only a judge could tell whether she was guilty or not. Everybody was against her and it wouldn't be easy to prove Louise's innocence. Her mental problems would be an important issue and the witnesses and her apparent past fits didn't help her any. Rachel just hoped that it wouldn't be too late; she would be the one to blame and couldn't forgive herself for her contribution to Lou's imprisonment and probable condemnation.

Rachel looked around and noticed the riders' stares on her. They were looking at her with pitiful eyes. They were well aware of what she was feeling. She felt terrible; she had never felt such desperation before in her life. She didn't deserve their pity, but rather their scorn. She wasn't the one suffering false accusations nor was she locked in a cold and lonely cell, nor expecting to be judged and suffer a possible death sentence. No, her life would continue as usual but Lou's would sink lower and lower. Why had she paid attention to her irrational fears? She knew Louise and knew how caring she was, but her liking had turned into fear and, somehow, disdain. And that was what had made her accuse her and be convinced of the girl's guilt. Now the only thing she could do was wait and pray that things would turn out for the best. Rachel was now convinced that Louise was not responsible of Marianne's death and maybe the judge would have the same opinion. Things could change so fast. A minute ago she was mainly proud of her noble actions and had no doubts in claiming that Lou was clearly the main suspect in this matter and she deserved to some extent a hard punishment. But now, what she felt was paralyzing fear, fear that her words would mean the death of an innocent and lovely girl, fear for Louise, fear for herself. Just fear.

* * *

Kid tethered his horse in front of the marshal's office. The visit to the station had not been like he had expected. His intention had been to make a short call, and he hadn't planned the ensuing argument with the other riders and Rachel. Deep down, he knew his friends did not mean any harm, but his ways were wrong, and Kid couldn't help feeling unrestrainedly anger within him. He just prayed that this nightmare he was immersed in would be cleared out soon.

Everything could be so simple; that was how his life had been a few months before. He had lived with no worries, just the responsibility of doing his job properly and making sure that the mail pouch would reach its destination. Yet, everything had taken a sudden turn, now he was in the middle of a big mess: a woman he loved but wasn't meant to be with, a child, a fiancée, a charge of murder, the opposition of the whole town, disappointment. Everything he had believed in seemed to crumble down under his feet. He could well forget about Louise and everything that she meant to him. Yet, he couldn't turn his back on her; he was the only person she had now.

Was he doing all this because of the baby? He wondered as he slowly made his way to Teaspoon's office. No, he would be doing exactly the same if Lou weren't carrying his baby. That girl had conquered his heart as nobody had ever done; he couldn't deny his feelings. He was in love with her in spite of all the inconveniences and he knew that he would do anything to ensure her well-being.

As he entered the small office, Kid's eyes automatically turned toward the end of the room and saw Louise seated on the small bunk inside the cell, much in the same position he had left her in. He smiled at her but she didn't even acknowledge his presence. Her eyes were downcast, and he could hardly see her expression, but he could imagine and feel her present mood. He hesitated whether to say something or if he should approach the cell. In fact, he didn't have much to tell her, especially nothing good. He felt like a useless idiot. He was proving to be inefficient in helping her. She didn't need any comforting words; what she did need were results, a hope that this place wasn't going to be the last one she would see in her life. But he couldn't offer her any of that; he came with empty hands and he felt he couldn't face her.

Kid turned his attention to Teaspoon, who was about to gobble down his dinner. The marshal had a huge napkin hanging from his shirt's collar and a look that almost made the rider a chuckle. Yet, his mirth soon succumbed as his eyes fell upon a tray, untouched, on Teaspoon's desk.

"She didn't even have a bite," Teaspoon said as he could wisely recognize the question behind Kid's look.

The rider almost didn't pay any attention the marshal and dashed to the cell where Louise remained seated. He dawdled along, hesitating about the way to approach her. Finally he came up to her and spoke in hushed tones. "I thought we had a deal," You need to eat and keep healthy".

From her position Louise lifted her glance to him, empty eyes, empty of any emotion, two big lifeless circles. "What for?" Louise mused; her voice was only a thin sound, only loud enough for Kid to acknowledge it.

The desperation that the rider noticed in her eyes and voice was such that it made him take a step backwards. He couldn't unglue his eyes from hers but couldn't remain next to her either. Her stance frightened him, and he realized that she was giving in. She was accepting the fact that she was lost. He had never seen her like this, but Kid could recognize these eyes. It was the same look his mother had borne so many years before. She had fallen ill and Kid had been witness to how she had realized that she would die without seeing her husband again, that man that she had loved so intensely and who had been the cause of her suffering. Now Lou had that same look, which scared the daylights out of him.

He turned his attention back to the tray, that tray that contained her untouched dinner. There was a bowl with some kind of tomato soup and a fairly big steak. The odor that it gave off could turn anybody's stomach, and made Kid move back and protect his nose from the smell.

"Teaspoon, do you really think Lou can eat this …this … uh… this food?" Kid asked, half amused, half serious. "This is inedible. She is pregnant and not one of your usual prisoners."

"It ain't that bad," Teaspoon replied with an offended expression.

"Not that bad?" Kid exclaimed. "I'm about to faint and you say it's not that bad!"

"The food mightn't be that great but nobody's ever complained. Ain't you overacting a bit, you fool?" Teaspoon grumbled. "This is the marshal's office, and not a fine restaurant in Paris."

Kid kept staring at Teaspoon in a reflexive mood. "You are right," he said bemusedly. "You are right. You're absolutely right!" He kept repeating over and over again, and without a warning he made his way out of the office.

"Where are you going?" Teaspoon inquired after him but the rider never heard him and disappeared before the marshal could say any further. The old man kept musing and with an expression of utter perplexity. "Boys!"

Fifteen minutes later Kid returned as unexpectedly as he had departed. He banged the door open carelessly, which almost made Teaspoon fall from the chair where he had been dozing. He was about to take hold of his old six-shooter when he saw the rider enter the small office clumsily and bump into everything he found on his way.

The Southerner was carrying a big hamper on his right hand and a checked cloth on the left. The expression he had on his face was very different to the one just a few minutes before. He bore a satisfactory smile and without one single word he strode straight till the end of the room, next to the cell where Lou was confined. The tumult Kid had caused at entering had aroused the girl's interest, and she was watching the rider with obvious curiosity.

After leaving the items he was carrying on the small table near the cell, Kid stopped, absorbed in his own thoughts. He looked around as if trying to locate something. When the object of interest appeared before his eyes he reached out to take a hold of it. The smile on his face and his state of absorption came to an end when Teaspoon's hand stopped his intentions by holding him strongly by the hand and grasping his target tightly.

Both rider's and marshal's eyes met in what seemed a wordless fight. Neither said a word and kept staring at each other as they had a strong grip on the bunch of keys. Finally Teaspoon broke the silence and blustered, "What the hell do you think you're doin', Kid?"

Teaspoon's hoarse words awoke Kid from his absorption and the rider realized what the marshal was thinking. "Teaspoon, trust me. I don't intend to set Lou free. I just need to try something."

The marshal looked at him warily and noticed the sincerity and a silent plead in the rider's eyes. The latest events in town had left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and his frayed nerves made him lose his temper too easily. The marshal released his grip on the keys and silently walked towards the other side of the room, sitting on his chair. From this location he glanced at the rider's movements, wondering what Kid was up to.

The rider approached the cell, and without hesitation he introduced the key into the lock and clicked it open. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began to open the creaking iron door before Lou's astonished eyes. She was curled up on the bed in one of the corners, staring at him with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. She wondered what Kid was trying to prove. Strangely she didn't feel any relief when the rider readied himself to come near her. In a way she had felt protected in that tiny barred cubicle. She was used to living apart from the real world, and this cell wasn't too different to what she had known so far.

While all these thoughts had absorbed her attention, she had missed Kid entering the cell and approaching her. She kept looking at him with apprehension. The rider stood above her, and held out his arm to her. He was smiling sweetly, and when he was sure he had her attention he spoke up. "Can I have the honor of your company at dinner in the finest restaurant in town, Miss?"

Louise was perplexed at his words and just muttered dumb-founded: "What?" She didn't understand what Kid was doing. She looked around and with no less surprise she saw that in the middle of the tiny cell he had placed the very table which had previously been in the corner of the office. It was neatly arranged, with a simple checked tablecloth on top of which there laid shining cutlery, plates and even a single candlestick.

Puzzled, she noticed or rather felt how Kid came closer to her and was still stretching his arm, an open invitation for her to stand up and follow him. Lou threw a wary look at Kid's inviting hand, afraid to touch him. Noticing her hesitation Kid took her hand softly, and lifted her up from her position on the bed. Their eyes met and just a few inches kept them apart. Louise felt shaken and nervous simply for his presence and closeness. She could feel the warmth of his hands, and she swore that he could feel how shaken she was.

He gazed at her with a tender smile. In a way he felt happy for this opportunity to look at her closely; he just couldn't stop staring at her. She was so beautiful. In spite of the rings under her eyes, her pale complexion and her sad eyes she was still the loveliest woman he had ever seen. After these few minutes of torpor he tried to compose himself and offered her his arm.

She lowered her eyes and goggled at his arm as if it were a strange object. Shyly and hesitantly she took his arm, unsure of what she was doing.

"Don't be afraid, Miss," he said softly. "Come with me. You won't regret it." They had barely advanced a few steps and were already next to the table. Kid let go of her arm and courteously moved the chair for her to sit on. She felt kind of hypnotized, as if she was just being pushed by some sort of inertial force. Louise kept silent and motionless for a few minutes. At her hesitation Kid cleared his throat, which spurred her to sit down and then he took the chair opposite her.

"It's such a lovely night, ain't it?" He began, "A nice place, a warm atmosphere and..." he paused, "no better company," he smiled as his eyes fixed on hers.

She didn't know why, but she decided not to refuse to play Kid's game. It was foolish, but maybe that was she needed to distract her muddled mind. His presence unnerved her. She didn't know how to act around him. When they had first met, everything had been so easy. She had felt so free; in fact, she had never felt so carefree before and she had been able to express her true self. But since she had returned from the asylum, everything had been so different.

She looked at him and saw that she had taken a bottle and two glasses from the hamper. "Would you like some wine?" he asked her.

"What?" she let out between giggles.

He grinned and repeated the question. "I've asked you, Miss, if you would like some wine," he said while he poured some of the liquid into her glass.

"It's milk," she whispered amused.

He made a exaggerated face, and turned his eyes the bottle to look at its nonexistent label. "Milk? For God's sake, Lou," he exclaimed teasingly. "I know it's not the best quality but it's not that bad. Taste it and feel its fruity flavor on your tongue."

Louise laughed, and had a sip of the white liquid. Meanwhile, Kid continued talking soothingly, "Can't you feel its sweet bitterness? Look around us, Lou. If you look hard, you'll notice how lovely this place is. Can't you hear the mellow music of the violins? Can't you see the soft lights that make the place so cozy? Can't you see the people coming and going? Can't you smell the beautiful aromas wafting out of the kitchen?" At this point Kid stopped and looked her in the eyes. "Can't you, Lou?"

She didn't know if it was his words or the strange influence he had on her, but she felt transported far away from everything. At this moment there was no jail, no cell, nothing. All that had miraculously had vanished, and turned into something completely different. All of a sudden, he felt immersed in this dream of his. She looked back at him after a few seconds and whispered: "Yes, yes, I can".

* * *

Louise woke up very early, and to her surprise, she found a smile on her face. Her first night in jail and she had felt almost ecstatic. Kid had been so sweet and loving. He had made her eat everything he had brought to her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this full. Strangely enough she had felt like a normal person for the very first time in years. They had shared dinner in a cold, gloomy cell, but she had been totally blissful, ecstatic.

She sat up in the bed, still smiling and looked at the other end of the office. Kid was still there, looking at her. They kept looking at each other in silence but with unfading smiles. The magic of the moment was broken as Teaspoon, who was dozing on one chair, let out a deafening snore, which made them laugh.

Their laughter woke the old marshal in time to see the Herricks enter the office solemnly. Understandably, they had very sullen countenances. Teaspoon rose to his feet quickly and rushed to greet them politely. Kid and Louise kept looking at the couple with serious faces. The girl went back a couple of steps in the cell. She didn't want her presence to be as noticeable as it was.

Mrs. Herrick responded to Teaspoon's greeting with a single, cold nod. "I've come to collect my daughter's belongings. Doctor Barnes has told us that you have some of the things found in her ..." The woman couldn't finish the sentence as tears drowned her voice. Her husband came to her and passed a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Without a single word the marshal took a small wooden box with the scarce belongings found in the dead girl and around the place after a thorough search. Mrs. Herrick rummaged among the objects. There was a reticule with had a handkerchief, a few coins and a small mirror. Apart from that the box contained the girl's earrings and a ring. After examining the contents, Mrs. Herrick looked up and asked Teaspoon, "Where's her locket?"

"Locket?" Teaspoon repeated.

"My daughter always wore a heart-shaped locket with an inscription which we gave her for her eighteenth birthday last year. It was very special for her and it's not here."

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid this is all we found," Teaspoon answered. "Probably the locket's on the bottom of the waterhole. I'm really sorry."

At his words Mrs. Herrick started crying again. The marshal and her husband tried to comfort her as best as possible. Among the voices and the woman's sobs a very feeble voice was heard at the end of the room. The couple, Teaspoon, and Kid looked inquiringly at the person who had uttered the words.

"What did you say?" the marshal inquired.

Louise had not intended to speak up, but when noticing the woman's distress she had been unable to keep quiet. Now that she had the four people's attention she felt her cheeks burning. She looked down on the floor and repeated the words: "He has it. ... The locket. He has it."

Kid, who had been silent since the Herricks had appeared, was surprised at her words. He didn't know what she was trying to say, "He? Who is he, Louise?" he asked.

This time Lou looked up and answered in a clear voice: "The man who murdered her."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter XXIX**

The words resounded in the silent room. The four people in the marshal's office kept quiet, trying to digest what they had just heard. After a few moments Teaspoon came closer to the cell that lodged Louise and talked to the girl.

"The man who murdered her?" the marshal asked cautiously. "Do you know who he is? How did you…?"

Mrs. Herrick cut him off in mid-sentence and spoke in a loud voice, almost hysterically. "She's lying. Don't listen to her, marshal!"

Teaspoon motioned for the lady to be quiet. "We're tryin' to find your daughter's murderer, Ma'am. If Louise here has somethin' to say, we'll listen to anythin' helpin' us to find the person responsible for your daughter's death." The marshal addressed Louise once again. "Tell us, honey, who's the man you're talkin' about?"

Lou looked bashful and said in a whisper. "I don't know."

"But you saw who did it?" Teaspoon asked again.

"Not exactly," Lou replied uncertainly.

"You see, marshal?" Mrs. Herrick blustered. "She's just trying to mislead you."

Kid, who had been quiet during all this exchange, glared at the lady, silently telling her to shut up. The rider didn't know what to think about this new revelation. Louise had been very discreet about the whole matter. Nobody had even cared to ask her if she knew anything. It had been understood that she couldn't have known anything about the matter as she had been locked up in her room at the station all the time, but maybe she had seen something, maybe the day she went missing. Her revelation was surprising, and hopefully it might lead them to the real culprit.

"Why did you say that Miss Herrick's murderer has her locket?" Teaspoon continued asking.

"Because I know he has it," Louise answered, feeling very self-conscious as everybody's eyes were on her.

"But you didn't see a thing?" the marshal insisted.

Louise kept quiet unsure how to tell them. It was something that she didn't even understand. How could she explain something she didn't really comprehend? She couldn't keep quiet any longer. If she had started opening up, she would well tell the whole thing. Talking wouldn't leave her in a worse situation than the one she already was in.

"I saw him… here," she said tapping her head with her index finger. Teaspoon looked at her quizzingly, at a loss about what she meant, as confused as Kid or the Herricks were. "Sometimes my head fills with images," Louise continued. "They're so real." She trembled, remembering some of the things she had seen. "I don't know why and I really don't understand, but I have ended up accepting that they are not just a product of my imagination." She paused for a moment and turned her attention to Mrs. Herrick. "I tried to warn you, but you just ignored me."

"You mean that you can… you can predict events in the future?" Teaspoon asked skeptically.

"I don't know," Lou replied cautiously. "These images just pop in my head. I … I really don't know. I have no control whatsoever about them."

"She's lying!" Mrs. Herrick barked scornfully. "Are you going to believe that bunch of lies? She's just made up that story."

Ignoring the lady's words, Kid approached the cell and talked to her in a sweet tone. "Tell us what you … see… what you saw, Lou," he told her encouragingly.

Louise gazed at him with her big eyes, inhaled deeply and after a moment's pause she began her tale.

_"Hurry up, silly," the girl urged the man by her side. They were walking hand in hand but their pace wasn't to her satisfaction. "We have only one hour before my parents come back from town." She laughed as she scampered away from the man and he followed her amusedly._

_When they had reached the spot, a pond surrounded by trees, they stopped to catch their breaths. The girl was leaning against a tree, trying to get her breath back. It was the last hours of the afternoon and the mild sun rays lit her lovely face._

_"You're so beautiful," the man whispered in her ear. Then he leaned over and crushed his mouth to hers, in a fierce and lascivious kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening their kiss and letting their passion for each other run free. The afternoon found the two lovers merging in an uncontrollable desire and their moans of pleasure were the only sounds that broke the silence that reigned in the place._

_After giving free rein to their passion, the young couple lay in each other's arms, basking in the weak sun and feeling the fresh breeze on their skins. The man rested on his side while he looked down at the smiling woman splayed on the grass next to him. "Why don't we settle down and do the right thing, Marianne?" he asked all of a sudden. The girl looked at him quizzically, with a mocking expression in her eyes. "You know, getting married," the man explained. "I love you." He whispered softly._

_After hearing his words the girl let out a loud shout of laughter, which left the young man speechless. When she was able to control her mirth, she brawled. "What the hell are you saying?"_

_"I don't like this thing between us," the man talked, quite annoyed with her, "this sneakin' around. It ain't decent and…"_

_"Excuse me," the girl snapped, "but I'm a very decent girl. Never ever demean me. Never." She inhaled deeply and continued in the same tone. "You know, I can't marry someone like you. I have much higher aspirations. I deserve better than being a farmer's wife. I want much more than my parents have." The girl's tone softened and she looked at the boy in the eyes ravishingly. "We are having so much fun together, Jerry. Let's not ruin it."_

_She brought her lips up to meet his in a long rough kiss. The boy began caressing her white neck, still feeling fury burning inside. Not knowing exactly what he was doing, he felt pushed by a very strong force and he realized too late that he was pressing her neck with all his strength. Her eyes contorted and her arms fought to let herself free, but he couldn't stop, he wouldn't stop. Her body went slack and when her thrashing movements stopped, he knew that she was dead, but he kept squeezing her neck more and more tightly. Suddenly he let go as if her skin were on fire and he felt his hands scorching. His shocked eyes looked down at her inert body, realizing the monstrosity he had done. He stood motionless for a few minutes. He had to do something. Somebody might walk on him, and he could be caught red-handed. After getting dressed hurriedly and hiding her clothes, the man scooped the dead girl in his arms and approached the edge of the pond. He kept looking at her for several moments. Noticing the locket hanging from her neck, he tore it off her neck before dropping her inert figure into the water._

The telling left Louise quivering. She was aware of the four pairs of eyes scrutinizing her. She dared a look towards Mrs. Herrick and muttered, "I'm sorry."

The facts that Louise had been describing had left the four people in the room speechless and unsure of what to think about this unexpected outturn. Mrs. Herrick felt dumbfounded to the scabrous details about her daughter. When Lou's soft apology reached her ears, the woman finally found her own voice and lashed out, "You're lying. I won't let you slander my daughter. She was a decent and good girl."

"One moment!" Teaspoon's voice resounded over Mrs. Herrick's loud accusations. "One moment! Please."

The marshal tossed a pleading look to the lady, begging her silently to keep quiet. He then turned his attention to Louise once again. Skeptical, he didn't know if he was ready to believe that Louise had been witness to the murder without actually being present. Teaspoon had lived among Indians and had heard about the far-sightedness of shamans. There were people with this gift, but believing the words of a girl who was known for her insanity was something completely different. He felt inclined to ignore her, but at the same time he felt obliged to follow any clue, however senseless it might seem.

"So, Louise," the marshal began, "this man … you … uh… saw... his name's Jerry?"

"I think so," Lou muttered. By now she was really tired and had a splitting headache. Remembering these disturbing visions always left her completely weary.

"Teaspoon," Kid called, "she also implied that he is a farmer, remember?"

Teaspoon nodded, but he didn't like the way Kid's stance had changed all of a sudden. The rider's hopes had perked up with this new information. His voice tinged with almost joy. Even though they had now a new track to follow, Teaspoon doubted that the girl's ramblings could be taken seriously. The marshal had seen them together the night before when Kid had played that stunt to make her eat. He sadly understood what Kid had tried to explain to him about his feelings. The boy was really smitten, and Teaspoon feared that Kid was now leaning on a false hope, which might result in him getting hurt even harder.

Despite his reservations, the marshal questioned the bereaved couple, "Did your daughter know anybody called Jerry?"

"Jerry Scholes has been our neighbor for about six months now," Mr. Herrick answered but his wife cut him off.

"Don't tell them a thing, George!" she snarled angrily. "They're trying to fool us. She killed my Marianne, nobody else."

"Rose, my dear," the man spoke to his wife softly. "I want Marianne's murderer to pay for it: Jerry, that girl or whoever it is. I don't want the real culprit to go unpunished because of our stubbornness." He turned his attention back to Teaspoon. "Jerry lives about ten minutes from us. He was clearly infatuated with our Marianne, but she never gave him any thought." He paused and sighed. "At least that's what we thought."

At this point Teaspoon took the belt with his six-shooter from the peg on the wall and addressed the rider. "We better check this out. We'll pay Mr. Scholes a visit."

* * *

There was not a single soul at sight when both Teaspoon and Kid halted their horses before the farm. They dismounted cautiously and the rider drew his gun before wending his way towards the house. A movement to his side caught his eye; the marshal grabbed his arm and stopped his intentions. Kid looked at him questioningly before Teaspoon spoke up.

"Kid, let's not rush things. We don't know for sure and we only have Louise's word … not a very reliable source."

"Because she's crazy?" Kid snapped.

"No, that ain't what I mean," Teaspoon replied. "You got to admit that story about seein' visions is kind of bizarre. It doesn't sound very reliable, and you also have to take her mental health into account. We can't go accusing people without evidence, all right?"

"I do believe her, Teaspoon." The rider stated his faith in the girl once again. He had been more than surprised by Lou's tale. In any other case he would have been more than skeptical to believe it, but with Lou it was different. He knew she was telling the truth.

"All right, but I beg ya to stay calm. We'll ask him a few questions but apart from that, we don't have anything against this man, understood?"

The rider nodded silently, and both Kid and the marshal approached the entrance to the house. Teaspoon knocked a couple of times and after a few minutes a man opened the door. He was stout and strong, and his appearance was scruffy and disarranged. He was in his early twenties and when he talked, his coarse voice oozed his annoyance to be disturbed in his home. Teaspoon explained to him that they only needed some information, and the man agreed to be questioned unwillingly.

"Mr. Scholes," Teaspoon began. "I've heard that you knew the late Miss Marianne Herrick."

"Uh huh ," Jerry nodded.

"May I ask you what kind of relationship you exactly had with her?" the marshal continued.

"Well," the farmer muttered, "her parents own the farm next to my estate. We were," he hesitated, "friends. Mind you, not close friends, but friends anyway."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Teaspoon asked.

The man paused uncertain, and watched the marshal suspiciously. "I thought you had arrested her murderer," Jerry remarked.

"We're just tryin' to clear some facts, that's all," the marshal explained. He was about to continue but in a flash Kid pushed the man aside and stalked into the house.

"I'm tired of beating around the bush," Teaspoon heard Kid saying.

The farmer hurried inside after Kid's sudden trespassing. "What the hell?" he blustered as he saw the rider turning the whole place inside out. The man tried to grab him, but Teaspoon stopped him. "He has no right! This is a private property." Jerry snarled.

"Kid!" Teaspoon called angrily but the rider didn't pay him any heed or stopp his searching. He kept opening drawers and turning everything down. Suddenly he paused and took something from a cabinet drawer. He had an awed expression in his face. He slowly approached the angered man, and showed him what his hand hid. It revealed a heart-shaped locked with the letters M and H etched on its surface. The farmer stared at the object speechless and aghast.

"I didn't mean to do it," the man seemed to be on the brink of crumbling, realizing that the truth had finally been found out. He couldn't deny it any longer. He had had a terrible week since that day. The remorse didn't let him sleep, work or live. "I didn't mean to do it." He kept repeating the same sentence, almost in tears. "I loved her so much, but she just used me. I didn't mean to do it. Before I knew what I was doing I had killed her," his last words were drowned by the sobs that struck his body fiercely. He fell down to the floor in a heap crying bitterly.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter XXX**

Kid and Teaspoon escorted Jerry Scholes to the jail house. After the man's outburst at his property, the marshal had arrested him while he kept crying _'I didn't mean to do it' _over and over again. When they reached Sweetwater and left their horses, the Herricks were outside the door of the marshal's office. Jerry hung his head low in shame while the marshal steered him inside. Framed between Kid and Teaspoon, the man passed by the married couple and Mrs. Herrick stopped him, grabbing him by the arm. "Jerry, you tell them the truth," the woman said. "You haven't killed my Marianne. You can't have killed her. That crazy girl did it, didn't she?"

The man averted his gaze from her and Teaspoon added, "I think this is what you were inquirin' after." The marshal dug into his coat pocket and held the heart-shaped locked by the chain before the woman's eyes while she stared at it with a horrified expression. Mr. Herrick took the pendant from Teaspoon's hand while his wife loudly cried over and over again, "You killed my baby! You killed my baby!"

"I … I didn't mean to… I…," Jerry managed to stutter among the woman's cries, and before he could react, Mr. Herrick threw a powerful punch to his nose, which started too bleed profusely.

"Kid! Take him inside!" Teaspoon bellowed and the Southerner pushed the man through the glass-paneled door into the office. While he handed a handkerchief to Jerry to stop the bleeding, Kid could hear the marshal and Mr. Herrick outside, trying to calm the woman, but she kept shouting and sobbing uncontrollably. The ruckus gradually faded, and after suggesting the Herricks they go home, Teaspoon stepped into his office. Without saying a word, he grabbed his set of keys and roughly pushed Jerry forward to the end of the room. With a strong shove he threw the man into one of the cells, locking the iron door behind him while Louise watched everything with big eyes.

"I'm so glad this matter is finished and sorted," Kid remarked, letting his breath out in relief.

"Well, it ain't quite finished yet," the marshal replied and at Kid's quizzical glance he turned from him and exclaimed, "Sweetheart, enough is enough. We can't allow you to be locked in that cage for one more second."

"You mean I'm free?" Lou asked hesitantly.

"Of course you are," Teaspoon replied with a big smile.

"Really?" Louise insisted, not quite believing what the marshal was saying.

"Lou, we caught the real murderer thanks to you, and that makes you free of the charges," Kid added as he walked closer.

"You shouldn't have been here in the first place," Teaspoon admitted with a sorrowful countenance as he proceeded to unlock the cell door and let Louise out. It creaked open and the girl stood under the frame uncertainly, and when she took a hesitant step out of her residence for the last couple of days, an instant smile appeared on her lips. Kid quickly walked the distance separating them, and threw his arms around Lou. His effusiveness took the girl by surprise, but as soon as she got over it, she hugged him back tightly. Louise relished in his closeness and wished the moment would last forever. It had been so long since he had touched her and aware that this would be just a fleeting gesture, Louise put all her heart in this little treat. This would be another memory to treasure with the ones she also kept from their first times together, but a tiny part of her was ready to believe that this was for real and wanted to dream an impossible dream.

Likewise Kid felt as if he were touching heaven when his arms came around her frame. She was as soft as he remembered her. Despite her pregnancy, she still fit his body perfectly like always, like a match made in heaven, which had gone wrong at some point on the way. Kid wished life could be simpler for the two of them. The realization of what they couldn't have dampened his happiness for her release in that moment.

Teaspoon cleared his throat, and the pair let go of each other. The marshal looked at the girl with a smile. "Can't this old dog be rewarded with a little kiss from a lovely young lady?" he quipped, pointing at his cheek with a finger.

Lou and Kid shared an amused look, and then the girl leaned over and gave Teaspoon a soft peck on the cheek. The marshal grinned in delight and even though his mannerisms should provoke her laughter, Lou felt a lump in her throat at the gesture and the tears gathered behind her eyes. Despite the situation she had been in, Teaspoon had treated her like she wished her own father would. Why couldn't he show her just a little tiny bit of appreciation? She didn't ask for a lot, just some respect. Louise was not what she felt for her father anymore. Did she really love him? The question frightened her, and she didn't want to face it. In any case, it didn't matter. It didn't matter to anybody, and least of all, John Boggs.

"Teaspoon, will Lou have to testify at his trial?" Kid asked, pointing at the man in the cell.

"I don't think so," replied the marshal. "We got his confession, remember?" He knew they couldn't depend on Lou's evidence to condemn Jerry Scholes. Apart from her sanity problems, no jury or judge would believe that strange tale about Louise seeing visions that turned out to be a description of the truth. Teaspoon didn't understand it himself, but the fact remained that Lou had rightly pointed at Marianne Herrick's real murderer. "Sweetheart, let's get you out of here," the marshal said, ceremoniously stretching his arm to her.

Louise sheepishly looped her arm around his, and as Teaspoon moved her towards the door gentleman-like, he looked over his shoulder at his deputy, who was sitting at the desk, and said, "Barnett, you're in charge now. Look after the castle while I'm out at the station."

"Like I always do," the deputy drawled with a goofy smile.

The marshal threw Louise a wry look and a exaggerated patient gesture, and when they were already out of the jailhouse, he muttered, "That's what I'm afraid of."

The girl let out a giggle and as she stepped out in the open, she took a deep breath, wanting to feel the cold air in her lungs and all her body. "Oh this is beautiful!" she exclaimed, meaning each word.

Kid smiled at her; she was still as innocent as ever and looked at everything through children's eyes. As the three started towards the stables where Teaspoon would get a buckboard to take Lou home, the girl kept sending furtive looks at the Southerner while smiling from ear to ear. Right now she felt in bliss, and wanted to cry at the top of her lungs. Kid had been there for her, helping and supporting her, and she couldn't ask for anything else. She had even felt that last night he had behaved as if he were really her beau. Louise was fully aware of what lay round the corner, and for that reason she wanted to enjoy every second of this moment.

Their steps stopped short when a voice calling Kid reached their ears. They turned to look behind them and saw Patricia coming towards them. The cheerful mood Louise had been in darkened instantly and pulling a neutral face to hide his real feelings, Kid walked a few feet away from the marshal and Lou to meet his fiancée mid-way.

"I see that it's true what I've heard," Patricia said stiffly, sending a contemptuous look at Louise over the rider's shoulder. "You got your way, and I gather you are feeling very happy."

"Yes, I am," Kid stated coldly.

They remained in awkward silence and after a beat Patricia remarked, "I need you to come home with me. Papa wants to talk to you."

"Fine, I'll go and see him later and …"

"Not later. Now!" the girl cut him off roughly.

"Patricia, be reasonable. I have to take Lou back to the station," replied Kid, annoyed by her authoritative tone.

"The marshal can do it. You're not her nanny," Patricia insisted, sounding more and more like a spoiled brat. "Look, Kid. I'm ready to sacrifice myself. I have forgotten your past indiscretions, and I'm going to accept your child as my own. And you … you ... you have the nerve to give me the brush-off as if … as if I were a nobody." The girl bawled in an exaggerated fashion while wiping her eyes with a handkerchief.

Kid stared at her and as he just couldn't bear seeing a woman in tears, he said, "Don't cry, Patricia, please. Well, if it means so much to you, I'll go."

The girl smiled through her tears and let out in a tiny voice, "Thank you. You know I love you."

"Just give me one second," Kid added uncomfortably. He hated himself for what he was about to do but he had no alternative. He turned back to Lou and Teaspoon who stood a few feet away and awkwardly said, "I'm afraid I gotta go. Something's come up."

Lou lowered her eyes, unable to face him. Every single remembrance of the special arrangement made her break inside, and she wanted to disappear from the surface of the earth at this very moment. The image of that girl infuriated her; she was so perfect, so damn perfect. She had everything that Lou wished for, and soon she'd snatch her of the only thing that really belonged to her.

"Don't worry, son," Teaspoon replied. "I'll take Louise to the station."

"See you later then," the rider said, addressing the girl, but she never acknowledged his presence and didn't say a word.

Kid went off with Patricia and it was then that Lou lifted her bright eyes and kept looking at the pair with a wretched expression. The tears blurred her sight. She fought them back but a single one managed to escape and run down her cheek, which she furiously wiped away with the back of her hand.

Teaspoon watched her transformation from smiling and cheerful to miserable. Love could really be a devastating experience when it wasn't as smooth as it should be. With these two it was ten times more difficult, and the marshal couldn't help but pity them. "Louise, shall we go?" Teaspoon asked in a very soft tone as if she were a little child.

Louise nodded in silence and followed the marshal towards the stables. Soon they were on their way back to the station. Lou could not choke her tears anymore, and started to softly whimper. Up till now she hadn't really been aware how much Kid meant to her. In these last months she had barely seen or talked to him. Loneliness had been her own companion and somehow her heart had been safe. Yet, in the last couple of days they had been closer again, and she had let herself bloom inside but this new blow was harder and more painful. Now that she knew she'd be back to her confinement, alone, her heart broke into very tiny pieces, and she felt very small and weak.

"Stop cryin', honey, or you'll make yourself sick," Teaspoon piped up after a while. "And I think it can't be too good for your baby if you get this upset."

Louise took a deep inhale of air and tried to control her tears. "I'm so worthless," she whispered in a cracked voice. "I'm the lowest of the lowest. I don't even have the right to love and be loved."

"Don't say that, Louise," the marshal replied while he drove the buckboard. "Nobody can live without love. I'm sure you have a good heart and … I've seen little Theresa looking up at you with utter adoration."

Louise managed to smile awkwardly, but with the same sad expression she muttered, "She shouldn't. I'm not worth it."

The marshal shook his head in disagreement. "Well, with your help we've arrested that poor girl's murderer, which we should all be thankin' you for."

"I don't think Mrs. Herrick … and others can feel much gratitude. They'd rather have seen me as the culprit."

"Mrs. Herrick is another story," the marshal continued and then kept deep in thought. Louise was right. That woman was too proud to admit that she had been wrong in her opinions about Louise. At least, she should have the decency to apologize to the girl and express her thanks, but Teaspoon knew that would never take place.

Lou had calmed down a bit, and after having mentioned what had happened leading to Jerry's arrest, Teaspoon felt curious and wanted to know more. "Uh … Louise … those … uh … those visions … do you have them often?"

"Not really," the girl replied. "Last time was two years ago."

"What happened then?" the marshal asked.

"Nothing. I could just see a little girl, so pretty, with bright blue eyes, dark hair and a beautiful organdie dress, laughing, running, and calling her mama. That image kept popping in my head for months, but then they stopped," Louise explained. "It ain't always bad. I never knew who that girl was… could be anybody, but me being in the asylum … well … you know."

"So you can't really look ahead and see what's gonna happen in your future?" the marshal remarked with a crooked smile.

Louise stared at him with a neutral expression, and then he said, "I don't need visions for that. I know what's gonna happen to me. I'm gonna die."

Teaspoon gazed at her crestfallen and his body covered in goose bumps as he noticed the security in her voice and her countenance. She didn't falter as she stated that terrible statement with determination. Louise took a deep breath and then turned her attention back to the road ahead of her. A shudder ran over her body and she simply folded her arms over her chest as if she could protect her whole self from everything that she could spot on her own horizon.

* * *

Rachel stepped into the deserted barn, and started to look around, trying to locate the object she was seeking. . Since this morning she hadn't been able to keep still for one second, and her frayed nerves made her engage in frenetic activity. When Cody had come back from town, he had told them that Lou had been released from jail and Jerry Scholes had been arrested instead. The rider hadn't heard the details, just the rumors spreading in Sweetwater, but anyway Rachel felt an immense sensation of relief. Unlike her, John had expressed his disagreeable feelings at the news. While Lou had been away, he had been exceptionally cheerful, and Rachel imagined that he had thought that Louise would be out of his life for good from then on. The station mistress understood that having Lou under their care was complicated and strained, but whether they wanted or not, she belonged to them.

Since the rake she needed was nowhere to be found in the barn, she decided to keep looking for it in the hayloft. Clambering up the ladder, the station mistress reached it and instantly saw the rake resting against the opposite wall. Rachel plodded towards it, stomping over the fresh hay and then her right foot unexpectedly kicked an object that had been hidden under the layer of dried grass, which she sent it almost flying across the place. It was a small leather-bound notebook, and Rachel bent down to pick it up. Thinking that it might belong to one of the boys, the woman opened it. Ike usually had a journal which he was continually scribbling on; Cody was always saying that he was writing a novel and Jimmy sometimes practiced his letters when nobody was around. As her eyes fell on the first page, Rachel didn't recognize the handwriting. Moved by curiosity she started reading the words imprinted on the white paper, and her heart almost skipped a beat when she realized who the notebook belonged to.

_My beautiful child,_

_You'll probably never read these lines, my angel. Maybe you don't even know who I am … who I was. Blood from my blood, flesh from my flesh. Right now my hand is stroking my middle where you grow strong and healthy. I love you so much. I've loved you since the moment I learned you were inside me. You're the only reason of my existence…_

Rachel stopped reading, feeling that she was invading her privacy. Those words that Louise had written left an uneasy sensation in her heart. Lou was no idiot, and despite her mental problems, she was fully aware of what life had in store for her. Rachel couldn't start imagining what it would be like to be denied one's child before it was even born. She knew what it was like to lose a baby of her own; she had suffered that ordeal when she had been married to Henry Dunne. It had been terribly devastating, but to know that you couldn't be part of your child's life was simply outrageous. Louise understood her situation perfectly well and reading her words to her unborn baby had moved the station mistress to tears.

Rachel placed the small notebook inside her apron pocket, and, upset as she was, she forgot about the rake and what she needed it for. She descended from the hayloft and when she left the barn, she caught sight of a wagon and recognized Teaspoon and Louise on it.

Rachel approached the carriage when it stopped before her white-washed house. "Look who's back, Rachel!" Teaspoon exclaimed with a big smile while he helped the girl off the buckboard.

"Hello, Louise," she said awkwardly, but the young girl kept her eyes downcast and didn't utter a single sound. The station mistress and the marshal exchanged a look and after a while the woman led the way into the house. When they were inside, Rachel turned to the girl and tried to talk to her once again, "I'm really glad you're back home." Lou remained in silence and not seeing any reaction from her part the station mistress tried another tactic. She dug into her pocket, and took the notebook out of it. "This is yours, ain't it?"

Lou lifted her eyes to the object that Rachel was holding and recognized it instantly. She hadn't seen it for days, and even though she knew where she had last left it, her involuntary confinement had prevented her from looking for it. Louise grabbed the notebook from Rachel, and held it against her chest. "Yes, it's mine," she said in a whisper.

"That day … the day I couldn't find you … you were there … in the hayloft, weren't you?" Rachel asked again with a pained expression.

"I fell asleep," Louise simply said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" the older woman let out in a strained voice.

"I did, but you didn't believe me."

Those words quieted Rachel for a few moments. It was true; Lou had told her that she had been in the barn that day but Rachel hadn't believed her. The woman threw the girl an apologetic look, and said in a cracked voice, "Louise, I'm really sorry. I thought…"

"Look, Rachel," the girl started, cutting her off. "I ain't angry with you, just disappointed. I would've expected something like that from my father, but not from you. I thought we were friends, that you were as fond of me as I am of you. I'm the same person who first came here, but you've changed, Rachel. Nobody has ever made me feel so sad and lonely like you have."

"Lou, I …"

"Please don't say anything," the girl added, not letting the woman speak. "For everybody's welfare and safety, let's leave things like they are. As you have already arranged, I will stay locked in my room during the few months I have left. My father wouldn't want it any other way and everybody else will be happy." Without a single word Louise turned from her and thanked the marshal for his kindness before heading for the stairs.

Rachel looked at her retreating figure with a pained expression, and when she disappeared from sight, she turned her eyes to Teaspoon, who was looking at her with curiosity. "What?" she asked with a tinge of irritation.

"Don't blame yourself, Rachel," he said. "You just did what you thought was right."

"I… I dunno," she let out with a bitter expression. "I couldn't have forgiven myself if she had been condemned unjustly because of my statement." Rachel shook her head ruefully and added, "It's so complicated to deal with her, Teaspoon. I'm in the dark what's really in her head and what I should expect. It really scares me."

"As far as I've seen, she's a very smart young lady," Teaspoon remarked.

"Yeah, she is," Rachel admitted. "That's why it's so dang confusing."

"Rachel, you're a smart lady too and I'm sure you'll figure out how to control the situation with Louise," the marshal added as he sank down on the sofa.

"I'm afraid you're wrong there, Teaspoon. I lost control of everything a while ago, and I don't think I can regain it. I'm now just following John's lead," the woman muttered in a sorry voice. She didn't feel proud of how tense the situation with Louise had become. Rachel had told herself that she should focus on John and the children, but things weren't that simple.

Shaking her head the woman shushed her troubled thoughts away and asked, "And tell me, Teaspoon, how did you find out that Jerry Scholes was Marianne's murderer?"

"I didn't; it was Louise."

"What? How?" she asked, her forehead creased in confusion.

"Sit down, Rachel," Teaspoon said, patting the place on the sofa next to him. "It's a long story. You ain't gonna believe this."

* * *

Later that evening Rachel was busy making dinner in her kitchen. It had been a very strenuous day, and she was very tired and ready for bed. The two children were already sleeping, and John had gone back to the bank since he needed to see to some matters in his office. Rachel couldn't stop thinking about what Teaspoon had told her about Louise. It was incredible. She had once heard a story about a woman who could vision events in the future, but the station mistress had always thought that it was just an old wives' tale. Teaspoon had assured her that Louise had recounted in detail how Marianne had been murdered. It was so bizarre, but Rachel wasn't going to try to understand it.

When the marshal had told her, she had wondered whether this kind of "talent" Lou had might be the visions John had referred to. Maybe they were real, and not product of her mind. Of course when she had told John, he hadn't believed a word of Teaspoon's account, and had reminded her that the reason why Louise's permanent address was an asylum were the deep scars imprinted on her wrists. Rachel had to admit that he was right. She was a fool and there was a constant hope in her heart that Lou could somehow be back to health and lead a normal life. Teaspoon had spoken the truth; she was a smart young lady, and it was a real shame she could not be like other girls her age.

The situation between the station mistress and Louise had become too tense and strained in the last weeks. Rachel had to admit that the girl was right about her. She had changed. The station mistress had feared for her family and admittedly, she still didn't know what to expect from Lou. When she had taken her meals to her room, the girl had answered her questions using monosyllables and hadn't looked in her direction once. Rachel really missed the light conversations and the laughter they used to share, but she knew that there was no way back, not after what had happened. Maybe it was for the better, but still a little voice kept nagging disturbingly inside her head.

A knock at the door interrupted her train of thought, and she left the kitchen to answer it.

"Kid?" the woman exclaimed as she came face to face with the rider. She hadn't seen him all day long and besides Teaspoon telling her he had gone off with his fiancée, nobody had been able to tell her where he was. "Where have you been all day?"

The rider made an unhappy gesture and added, "Mr. Putman has been lecturing me about his business in St Louis. I'm supposed to take over from him when I get married, remember?"

"Sounds like great fun," Rachel let out ironically, flashing the rider a teasing smile.

"Yeah, it was a blast," Kid agreed sharing her amusement.

"So what brings you here now? Anything I can do for you?" Rachel asked straightaway.

"I want to see Lou," the rider replied. "This morning I had to leave her in a hurry, and I'd like to see if she's all right."

"She's fine, Kid. I guess she must be in bed by now."

"There's light in her room," the young man insisted. He really needed to see her. It hadn't felt right to leave with Patricia the way he had, and all day long he hadn't stopped thinking of Lou. Mr. Putman had even noticed his absent-mindedness, but had supposed it was just wedding jitters.

"Very well then," Rachel agreed and digging into her pocket she produced a set of keys, which she handed to Kid. "Make sure she ain't sleeping before going in. She needs her rest."

Kid stared down at the keys in his hand and after a few seconds he lifted his eyes to the woman and asked, "Is this really necessary, Rachel? Does she have to be locked in like a bird in a cage?"

The woman shrugged her shoulders. "John says that we better not have any more unpleasant surprises," Rachel muttered with a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. She didn't think her husband was right as far as Louise was involved, but Rachel was tired of fighting. Even though she didn't have anything to do with that hideous crime in town, Lou had proved that she wasn't reliable when she attacked Patricia Putman. She could act unexpectedly, and Rachel had to admit that, even though she didn't approve of her husband's methods, he was the only one who knew Louise and what to expect from her.

"I think he's wrong," Kid simply said as he went past the woman towards the stairs. It infuriated him the way John Boggs treated his daughter as if she were a wild animal. The rider knew that Louise behaved better than many people who apparently were of sound minds. Yet, he had no say in the matter. Lou might be carrying his child, but he had no power to change the situation with her father.

When Kid finally reached the door to Lou's bedroom, he knocked lightly while saying, "Lou, it's me, Kid. Are you awake?"

The rider faintly heard her voice and then he proceeded to unlock the door. He opened it very slowly and craned his neck inside. Kid spotted her sitting on her rocking chair, and asked, "May I come in?"

Louise smiled brightly, and nodded her head. When Kid had left with Patricia she had been very upset, but in the loneliness of her room she had been able to think things through. She should forget about her stupid infatuation for Kid. There had been a time when he had no other attachments in life, and they'd both let themselves be dragged into an impossible dream. Lou knew that she had loved him with all her heart, the evidence of which now lay in her stomach. That time was over and things had changed. Kid now had other responsibilities, was engaged to marry another girl, and those fantasies they had lived were forgotten. Yet, despite everything, in the days she had been in jail, he had proved to be a good and true friend. She had focused on his friendship, and little by little she had started to believe that he was the one who could help her. She was in a desperate situation and needed to find an alternative. So a new hope was starting to bubble in her heart, and she truly believed that it could come true.

Kid walked inside with slow steps, and a blush appeared in his cheeks as he noticed she only had a white nightgown on. This was the first time he had seen her in such attire, but she appeared somehow different now. The radiant smile on her face made her look vibrant and attractive in a way he hadn't seen her before. Louise rose to her feet and grabbing his hand in hers she steered him towards the bed. "Sit down here with me, Kid," she said as she sank down on the bed. Kid sat next to her, feeling awkward at being so close to her scantily dressed and on the bed. Images of the only time they had been intimate appeared in his mind and he had to make a conscious effort to make them disappear.

Louise kept smiling in his direction, and after a while she said, "I want to talk to you about something."

"Yes?"

Lou hesitated for a moment, unsure of what words to use to express what she had been thinking about all day long. "First, I'd like to thank you for your help in the last few days," she started softly. "It meant a lot to me."

"I didn't do anything," Kid contradicted with a bitter gesture. He had felt so useless and if it hadn't been for Lou's special gift, she would still be locked in that cell while the real murderer would be enjoying life.

"You were there for me when I had no one," Lou replied. "You're a good friend."

"I am your friend, you know that."

"Yes." She paused briefly, and breathing in deeply she tried to muster the courage to come out with what was on her mind. "You would do anything for me if I needed it, wouldn't you?" Louise finally managed to ask with a bit of hesitation, eyeing him closely.

"You know I would," Kid replied truthfully.

Lou smiled sheepishly and taking another breath of air she added, "I've been thinking about you, me … and the baby."

Kid threw her a curious look and simply said, "Yes?"

Louise cleared her throat nervously, and started playing with the material of her nightgown while her bright eyes fixed on his intently. "I heard my father offered you the money my mother left me."

"Uh… yes…" Kid replied awkwardly. "But I ain't going …"

"I want you to accept it," Lou stated, cutting him off in mid-sentence.

"What?" Kid exclaimed with a shocked expression. "Lou I can't… I…"

"And then you can give it to me," the girl added before he could finish his words.

"What? Why?" the rider exclaimed again with the same expression.

"Kid, I need your help. You need to help me … help me escape from my father's clutches and the destiny he's forcing me to live," Lou said in a strained voice. "I know you can find a way to take me out of here. The money my mother left me will be enough to get a place to live in, and to support me and my baby for a while."

"What?" Kid let out, his eyes wide as saucers.

"I know it won't last forever, but then I can also find a job," Louise continued, undeterred by the expression of horror in his countenance. "I am tough, and I could perfectly do some cleaning jobs or anything. I was even taught how to sew in the asylum and I could make repairs to clothes without moving from my baby's side."

"Lou, that's impossible." Kid managed to say when he finally found his own voice. "You can't live on your own, and take the baby away."

"Kid, I don't intend to keep you from seeing your child. You could come and visit us any time. I want it to know and love its daddy, I really do. But you have to think you're going to have your own family with Patricia." She paused briefly and noticing the doubt in his eyes she added, "And I can take care of the baby. I really can. Who do you think looked after my siblings when my mother passed away? Theresa was barely two at the time."

"That was a long time ago, Lou," Kid retorted. "Things are different now."

"Yes, of course they are!" the girl exclaimed, getting more and more frantic as Kid wasn't answering her pleas the way she had expected. "I'm older now, and I'm gonna have my own baby."

"Please Lou calm down!" Kid tried to appease her, noticing that she was getting upset. "You know that can't be."

"Please Kid," Louise continued in a begging tone. "You have to help me. You're the only one who can. I ain't crazy. You have to believe me."

"Lou…"

"I ain't crazy," she repeated as she grabbed him strongly by the front of his shirt. "I ain't crazy. My father hates me. You know that and that's why he sent me to that place. You have to believe me, Kid. Please. Do I look crazy to you?"

The rider didn't say a word, and looking down at her hands clutching his shirt, he could see her wrists marred by those ugly scars. Lou instantly realized where his attention was and in a fury she pushed him out of the bed with all her might. "How dare you!" she barked as she felt tears prick of her eyes. "Get out of here!"

"Lou…" he tried again as he awkwardly managed to balance on his two feet after Lou's strong push.

"I said go!" she repeated at the top of her voice. "Leave me alone and don't come back! I don't want to see you again!"

"Lou please calm down!"

"Leave me alone!" she barked again. and rising to her feet she started to roughly shove him towards the door. "Go back to your perfect little world, and only come when the time comes to pick up your prize. You ain't my friend. You're like everybody else, ready to kick me out into the abyss. I should never have met you!"

Seeing that his words and presence only managed to rile her up even more, Kid decided to respect her wishes and leave the room. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lou," he simply said, cursing himself for letting the situation go this far.

"Go!" she repeated and with a very strong push she shoved him out of the room, slamming the door close behind her. The tears started pouring from her eyes once again and as all her hopes crumbled down, her body felt heavy and she fell on her knees before the door while her tiny frame got racked by loud sobs in the still of the night.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter XXXI**

A month passed, and nothing much changed around the station. Christmas was a couple of days away, and the atmosphere in Sweetwater seemed to lighten up as its citizens prepared to celebrate the holiday. Routine at the station was pretty much the same, and between rides the boys did what they could to plunge into the spirit of the season. It was bittersweet, which could be sensed in the air.

Kid was more subdued than ever. Since the day he had had that heated argument with Louise she hadn't talked to him again. He had tried over and over again to reason with her, but it had been a lost cause. Kid understood that her situation was hard to say the least, and he wished he had the power to do something. He was also worried about her mental condition. Apart from one time, Louise had always acknowledged her health problems, but in their conversation that day she had repeatedly denied that she was sick. Apparently she was losing the grasp of reality, and Kid feared that meant she was getting worse. That day she had sounded so lucid and confident that anybody could have doubted that she had mental problems. In her mind she had planned everything so in detail that it amazed Kid, and he hadn't felt very good about being the one to destroy her hopes. The idea of being part of the baby's life had always been a fixed idea in her. It was logical for a mother to be with her child, and it left Kid shattered to cause the woman he loved this pain.

In his fruitless efforts to reason with her Kid had assured her repeatedly that he'd try to find an institution that could really help her and where she would feel more comfortable. The Southerner had also promised her that he'd punctually take their child to see her where she was. Louise hadn't wanted to listen to him and looking through her bedroom window constantly she kept saying _'leave me alone'_ in an unkind tone. After the first two weeks of vain attempts Kid had given up and stopped going to her bedroom. She got too nervous and agitated with his presence, and fearing for her welfare Kid had had to make that hard decision. So apart from catching glimpses of her behind the lace curtains in her window he didn't see her at all.

Rachel still took the meals to her and she was the one who updated Kid about Lou's state. He hated the way things had turned out to be. After that episode in the jail he had believed that they could patch up their differences and be closer. Of course what he really wanted was to have a relationship with her like a normal couple. It was her he was in love with, the one he wanted to marry and expect their child with. Yet, Patricia was his fiancée, the woman he was going to marry in four months' time and she was always there to remind him of the sacrifice she was ready to make for his sake. She was a good girl too and he loved her, but not in the way he felt for Louise. The realization of his reality made him go about in his daily routine like a shadow. Nothing made him happy, and it seemed as if he didn't have reasons to smile anymore.

Whenever he was with Patricia, she annoyingly kept babbling about their wedding and plans, but Kid only listened to her half-heartedly. Sometimes she could get on his nerves with all this planning, lately and the Southerner had to make use of all his patience to hold his tongue on his lowest days. Not even the idea of becoming a pa managed to raise his spirits. This wasn't the way he had envisioned the wait for the birth of his first baby. These months should be joyous and sweet, but instead Kid felt bitterness engulf his whole soul.

Seeing Kid's distress over the choices he was forced to make, the riders had tried to convince their friend to postpone the wedding as they all were feeling the anguish for the unborn child's life. The Southerner just let himself be led by what life lay down for him, and did not care to take hold of the reins and control his own life. It was as if he had been defeated by circumstances, and had lost the strength to fight back. Time didn't heal his wounds and for each passing day and each new inch added to Lou's slender waist, Kid's agony grew. Was he doing the right thing? And more importantly, what was actually the right thing?

Kid finished mucking out the stables that morning and started towards the bunkhouse. Ten minutes ago Rachel had called the riders for breakfast. In fact, he wasn't very hungry, but he'd pull a strong face and share the meal with his friends. His mood lately was starting to spark the curiosity of everybody and before having to bear a little talk with Teaspoon or Rachel, he was doing his best to pretend that there was nothing wrong.

As he left the stables, he unconsciously threw a look to the window on the second floor of the house where Lou's bedroom was. He could make out her outline behind the curtains, and as usual he waved at her, a gesture that she never acknowledged. For a few seconds he stood there, staring at the window, expecting … he didn't know what, and then he continued towards the bunkhouse.

As he was crossing the yard, the sound of hooves came to his notice. His face crunched up into a bitter gesture when he recognized Patricia driving her buggy into the station. He wasn't in the mood to bear her interminable chatter this early in the morning. He waited for her to stop the wagon, and then helped her out of it. The girl instantly threw her arms to him, and planted a kiss on his lips, and when she pulled away, she kept her arms around his waist, while fixing her seducing eyes in his.

"What are you doing here so early in the morning?" he asked with a serious countenance.

"Can't a girl come and see her fiancé?" she answered in a playful way.

Kid awkwardly disengaged himself from her hold and said, "Sure. But you know I can't devote my time to you when I'm working."

"Well, you have to stop for breakfast around this time, don't you? Besides, I need to have a word with Rachel about the wedding."

"I see," he replied unenthusiastically.

"And … I have a little surprise," Patricia announced among giggles. "Is everybody in the bunkhouse?"

"I guess, but what…?"

"Let's go in, Kid," she cut him off and yanked him from the arm towards the place. "Come on."

When they stepped inside, all the riders except Noah and Ike were at the table as well as Boggs and his children. Rachel hovered over the table serving breakfast to everybody, and they all greeted the girl warmly as the couple sat down on the bench next to Buck.

"How's the most beautiful bride in Sweetwater this morning?"

"Very well, thank you, Mr. Boggs," Patricia replied with a smile. She really liked the man and pitied him for having the misfortune of a daughter such as Louise. He didn't deserve that much bad luck. The girl ran her eyes over everybody at the table, and said, "I came to tell you that papa is having a nice, little gathering on Christmas Eve, and we'd be honored to have you all as our special guests."

"Patricia, Christmas is a family thing…" retorted Kid, unhappy about his girlfriend's proposal. He didn't feel like celebrating the date this year, but for courtesy he didn't mind the quiet dinner Rachel had planned for that day. He definitely didn't want to do anything too fanciful, especially if it involved to stand Mr. Putman's long soliloquies about his business and the wedding all night long.

"And what am I, silly? I'm your future wife and your family and friends are mine too!" Patricia exclaimed and turning to Cody she added with a wink, "And Billy, Vera will be there too."

"Uh … boys," the blonde rider replied, adopting a grandiloquent pose, "I think it would be a rude gesture to refuse Miss Putman's kind invitation."

The riders smirked at his friend's comment but nodded in agreement, and the girl almost clapped her hands with excitement. "And you children can come too," Patricia added with a smile, glancing at Jeremiah and Theresa, who were sitting opposite her.

Theresa shot her an annoyed look. She didn't like the woman at all, and neither her forced charm nor her soft words would make the young girl change her opinion about her. Louise should be the one to marry Kid and not that pompous lady. Patricia had no right to take the baby Louise was going to have. After the wedding Kid and she would move to St Louis, and then Theresa wouldn't be able to see her little nephew or niece anymore. It wasn't fair. But who was going to listen to a little girl like her? Nobody. One thing was sure, Theresa thought, she wasn't going to be her flower girl as Patricia had told her once. Even though pa had already threatened to ground her if she didn't comply with the lady's requirements, Theresa told herself that nobody would convince her otherwise. Actually, she'd rather get that punishment if that meant she managed to get out of going to that stupid wedding altogether.

"Patricia, I'm afraid we can't go," Rachel spoke as she left the coffeepot on the table.

"How come?" Boggs asked, looking up at his wife with a frown.

"You know we can't leave Louise alone in the house."

"Oh that," the man exclaimed with a gesture of indifference. "I can ask her, but I'm sure she won't mind," he added with a smirk. "Don't worry; we won't ruin her wonderful plans for the night." He chuckled, but his wife didn't reciprocate the gesture and kept a serious countenance.

"I'd thought we could have a nice dinner and have her at our table for this once. It's Christmas," Rachel said in a soft voice. She had planned all this for a while now, but knowing that John wouldn't be too happy, she had wanted to wait for the last moment to drop her suggestions. Yet, Patricia's unexpected invitation had forced her to speak up. Rachel knew that after that incident between Lou and Patricia weeks ago the girl wouldn't have her at her place again, so they needed to stay at the station to include Louise in the celebration even though it meant to be without the riders.

"Christmas, my foot," Boggs exclaimed with a tinge of irritation. "Precisely because it's Christmas I want to spend it in peace with my family. Anyways, she wouldn't tell the difference whether it's Christmas or Doomsday." Rachel pulled a long face, knowing that John wasn't right in his opinions about Lou. She might be mentally ill, but so far she could really understand what was happening around her. Not minding his wife's unhappy expression and before she could express her protests, Boggs turned his attention to Patricia and said with a smile, "Miss Putman, like the boys we four would love to join you and your father's celebration."

Patricia's face split into a brilliant smile. "Isn't it great, Kid? Our first Christmas together and with all the family."

"Yes, dear," the Southerner mumbled, his voice tinged with subtle irritation, which she never caught. Kid glanced at Theresa across the table and noticed her sad expression. The usually spirited girl that they all knew had changed and lately looked very gloomy. Kid was aware that she missed her sister, which was the reason for her change of mood. Despite her daily protests, Boggs didn't let her visit with Louise and she didn't understand that kind of imposition upon her.

"Excuse me. I'll take breakfast to Louise now," Rachel announced in a serious voice and turned to serve a plate with viands for the girl.

"Can I go with you, mama?" Theresa asked, hope shining in her voice.

"Absolutely not!" Boggs answered for his wife sternly. "I've told you dozens of times, Theresa, and you seem not to listen to me on purpose! And once again I don't want to see you around that room like I saw you yesterday, understood?"

The girl pouted ruefully, but unlike other times she didn't lower her eyes defeated and instead she gazed at her father with a challenging pose. "I don't understand why I can't see Louise. It isn't fair!"

"Enough is enough, Theresa," her father scolded her in a loud tone, surprised at the attitude of his usually mild little girl. "What kind of behavior is this before Miss Putman? You'll do as I tell you to and I don't want to hear one more word."

"And what if I don't? Will you send me to a madhouse too?" she exclaimed and jumping to her feet she dashed out of the bunkhouse.

"Theresa!" Rachel called after her with a shocked expression. "Theresa!"

The girl didn't stop at the lady's summons, and when she was about to go after her, Boggs stood up and exclaimed angrily, "You see the consequences of being too soft with your "friend", Rachel? She's filled Theresa's head with lies and nonsense."

"John, she hasn't talked or seen Lou for ages," the woman exclaimed, hurt by her husband's insinuations.

"She should never have come near her," the man retorted in the same loud tone. "She doesn't know what's real and what's not, and a young child like Theresa can be impressionable to her ramblings."

Rachel glared at her husband silently for making a scene before the riders and Patricia. He had no right to say all that. Theresa was simply upset because she didn't understand the ban they had imposed upon her. John hadn't cared to explain things to the two siblings, and even though Rachel had tried to talk to them, especially Theresa, it wasn't easy to answer their curiosity. "I'll go and have a word with her," the woman muttered gravelly.

"No, don't let your crazy friend hunger. I'll talk to _my_ daughter," Boggs mumbled sarcastically and turning on his heels he walked out of the door through which Theresa had left.

Rachel stood in the middle of the bunkhouse with a stony expression. Things with John were getting strained lately, and she didn't know what had gone wrong. He didn't lose any opportunity to point out that she was to blame for the situation they were forced to endure with Lou. On one of the days he had been in a foul mood, he had accused her of carelessness. According to him, if the first time Louise had come to the station Rachel had kept a closer watch on her, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant, which was the cause why they now had to stand her presence in their home once again. Those accusations had hurt Rachel deeply, and she feared that somehow their marriage was cracking. They had only been married for half a year and due to their special situation John seemed to have lost the passion he had so obviously first felt. It was time she got hold of the reins of her marriage and maybe now that it was Christmas time she would need to spark things in their married life.

"You all right, Rachel?" Noah asked tentatively, and the woman simply nodded.

"May I be excused?" Jeremiah's voice sounded in the room. He felt very awkward about the argument between Rachel and his father, and he couldn't help to resent Louise for being the cause why his father looked so angry all the time lately. Jeremiah loved his elder sister, but if his pa was so against her, he must have his reasons.

"Of course honey," Rachel replied with a smile, trying to show that she wasn't as distraught as she felt for the boy's sake. Jeremiah did not lose a single second, and dashed out of the bunkhouse. When he had left, the station mistress turned to the people around the table. "Patricia, boys … sorry for … you know."

"Rachel, you don't need to apologize," Jimmy voiced what all of them were thinking.

"It's logical that the last months' complications wind up affecting you," Buck added. "We understand."

"Thank you, boys," the woman let out truthfully. "You're right. It ain't easy."

"Mrs. Boggs, excuse my boldness," Patricia spoke up, flashing her a big smile, "Maybe you, Mr. Boggs and the children just need a little distraction from problems and perhaps … a nice, relaxing Christmas Eve to enjoy yourselves."

"Maybe," the station mistress agreed with a small smile. Yeah, Patricia might be right and an evening, just one evening away from the "elements" that cause friction between her and John might do them good. For once she wouldn't have to cook or worry about their Christmas dinner, and she'd only need to enjoy her husband's company. And maybe after that, back at home she would try to spice their marital life in their bedroom. Mrs. Steward, the local seamstress, had showed her some nightgowns and other garments she had received from the east. There was a particular one that had caught the head mistress's eye, a black sleeveless nightgown in silk. It was expensive, a bit more than she could afford, and to be honest, it would look a bit indecent on any woman. Rachel and Mrs. Steward had had a good laugh when talking about the garment, but she knew that John would love it on her. She needed to feel attractive for her husband, very much. Maybe that piece of scant material was all they needed to help them to get back on track. "Thanks, Patricia. I'd better take this to Louise now."

Rachel took the covered plate and a cup of coffee for the girl, and walked towards the door. She stopped at the threshold and turned around when she heard Kid call her name. "Rachel, can you tell Lou that … that … " the Southerner stuttered and feeling Patricia's eyes boring into him his resolution froze and shaking his head he added, "Never mind."

Without further ado Rachel walked out of the room, crossed the yard and in no time she found herself in front of Lou's bedroom. The argument she had had with John had left a bitter sensation in all her body and she told herself that she had to do something to stop their wounded relationship from getting any worse. It was time for them to heal. This whole situation with Louise was really affecting them like the boys had rightly said and Rachel had to admit she was utterly confused. She hardly spoke to Louise anymore and followed John's instructions about the girl's living conditions to the letter. Yet, her heart shouted inside her that they weren't treating Louise rightly, which tortured her constantly. Even though she never said a single word about this to John, he knew what she thought and that silent disagreement was causing the rift between the couple. Maybe it was time she understood that Lou couldn't be helped and that she would be at the station for just a few more months. She needed to focus on her husband and their children. That was what she told herself every day, but it wasn't that easy. Maybe she did need a distraction, but a bigger one. If she were to have a baby, things might change for her and John. Yes, that was what she longed for with all her heart, but so far God hadn't blessed them with a new life yet.

Rachel unlocked the door, and when she stepped into the bedroom, she found Lou in the same position as every single day, constantly looking through the window onto the yard. "Morning!" the woman greeted cheerfully. "How are we feeling this morning, honey?"

"Fine," the girl muttered in a serious voice without turning her head.

Rachel placed the plate and the tin cup she was carrying on the dresser and her eyes instantly fell on the half-eaten steak and potatoes from last night's dinner. "Louise, you didn't have more than a few bites yesterday again!" the woman said in a scolding tone. The girl did not bother to reply, and Rachel continued, "You know you have to eat! Today I ain't leaving until you have every single bite from your breakfast, understood?"

"Suit yourself," Lou replied with total indifference as she kept looking out of the window. In that moment Kid and Patricia were leaving the bunkhouse and walked towards the girl's buggy. Louise wished she wouldn't have to see them as they kissed goodbye in the same way they had greeted each other that morning, but for some strange reason she couldn't look away and her eyes remained fixed on the couple in the yard.

"I thought you really cared for your baby," Rachel spoke again behind her, pulling the right strings to make her react, "but apparently I was wrong. Are you trying to harm your child on purpose, Louise?"

For the first time the girl turned her angry eyes towards the station mistress, and after a few seconds she silently crossed the room and sat down before the dresser. She roughly grabbed the fork and started eating the scrambled eggs from the plate.

Rachel smiled satisfied and padding towards where Lou had previously stood, she opened the window to let some fresh air enter the room. She turned on her heels, and from that position she studied the girl's figure, sitting on a chair before the dresser. Most days all she managed to get was a look at the girl's turned back while she constantly stood before the same window. Now Rachel could notice the changes in her. Her breasts looked fuller, and her middle was clearly starting to show. Only her face was extremely thin and haggard.

"That dress is getting too tight on you, Lou," Rachel remarked with a cheerful voice. "You're going to need a new one pretty soon." Louise looked down at her own figure as if she was aware of the changes in her body for the first time, and simply shrugged her shoulders. She continued eating her breakfast and Rachel exclaimed, "You know what? That will be my Christmas present for you. A new dress."

"A present? You sure, Rachel? Don't you have to ask my father for permission first?" Lou asked sarcastically.

"Louise! I know you're a nice girl. Why do you have to be so mean now?" Rachel retorted, not liking this new side of the girl.

Louise didn't seem to have heard Rachel's scolding, and added in a very soft voice while looking ahead as if she had been taken back to another time, another place in question of seconds. "My mother used to hide my presents from him. On Christmas Day there were loads of gifts under the tree in the lounge for all the family … except for me naturally. They all gathered to open them; everybody was there, some aunts and uncles of my father, a few cousins, and even some neighbors of ours. While they all showed their new toys, their new boots, their new tools, jewels, trinkets, I sat there in a corner, dejected, refused, scorned. You see, I wasn't allowed to have any gifts, or join their jubilant mood. Later at night when he was sleeping, Ma snuck the little something she had hidden for me… a new chemise, some underwear … anything that he wouldn't notice. Ma used to hate Christmas because of him, but despite everything, she always tried to make it special for me … of course when he wasn't around."

Rachel stared at the girl with a shocked expression and exclaimed, "Louise, you know that's not true! Stop making up tales!" What Lou had just told her was outrageous. She knew John, and even though he had certain animosity to the girl, he wasn't a cruel man. Christmas was a special time for family and especially for children, and nobody could be so vile as to make a child feel unwanted. The image Lou was trying to draw of John with her words was just surreal and totally untrue. Despite his strong character, Rachel knew that her husband was a good and caring man, and he always had a kind word or gesture to children, any children and not just his own. Even though John had the certainty that Lou wasn't his daughter, the station mistress was sure that there was a time when he had been a father for the girl. He might resent her now with all the problems she had involuntarily brought about, but Rachel knew that John must have overlooked his feelings for the little girl Lou had been.

Louise lifted her gaze to the older woman and stretched her lips in a bitter gesture. "Of course Rachel. You know, another one of my crazy ideas," she added sarcastically, swinging her index finger in a round motion next to her right temple. "I'm demented, remember?"

The woman stared at her with a frown and then asked, "Tell me something, Lou. Have you been talking to Theresa lately?"

"What?" Louise exclaimed in disbelief. "I'm locked in here all day long. How am I supposed to do that?" She let out a sarcastic guffaw and added with a smirk, "Oh I understand. This is another of your wild guests like when you believed I had killed that poor girl."

Rachel looked at her with a hurt expression. "Louise, what's happening to you? You weren't like this before."

The girl stared at her seriously. "If I have to explain that to you, Rachel, then you're more stupid than I thought." She wiped her mouth with a napkin and rose to her feet in a dignified pose. "I'm done. You can go now."

Rachel tried to say something but seeing her back in her usual position in front of the window she knew that he wouldn't get anything else from her. It saddened Rachel the way Lou had changed. Since the episode of Marianne Herrick's murder, she hardly spoke and when she did, she came out with these snide and sarcastic remarks she seemed to master lately. This wasn't the sweet and cheerful Lou she had first met in Fort Laramie. It was as if she were a completely different person. Nobody could change so much so quickly, and Rachel wondered whether her mental condition was worsening. The station mistress was clueless but she couldn't trust John with her fears. In their present situation he'd need a single excuse to send her back to the asylum regardless of her circumstances.

With a sigh Rachel picked up the plates from breakfast and last night's dinner and walked out of the room, locking up the door behind her. When she reached downstairs, Theresa was in the lounge, shoving her books into her linen bag. Rachel noticed her sad countenance and approached her tentatively.

"Hey, Tessie, getting ready for school?" The girl bobbed her head up and down and Rachel asked, "Did you talk to your pa?" Theresa nodded again but didn't try to say one word. "Honey, you know your father … we both want the best for you and your brother."

"I don't understand why I can't see Louise!" Theresa exclaimed in a whining tone. "She's part of the family too!"

"Of course she is," Rachel replied, speaking to the girl in a soft voice in the hope that she calmed down. "But, honey, you know your sister is sick."

"Pa thinks that Louise's gonna hurt me but I know she'd never do that," Theresa said, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Sweetheart, I know how you feel," Rachel continued stroking the girl's back soothingly. "I'm very fond of Louise myself, but things are a bit complicated." She paused briefly to gather her thoughts, and then continued choosing the words carefully, "Tessie, you know the horses we have at the station are very tame and mild, but last week Sundancer threw Jimmy onto the ground. He perfectly knows his horse, rides him, cares for him every single day, but something must have spooked it, which might have injured Jimmy real bad. Honey, do you understand what I'm saying?" The girl shook her head, and the woman carried on explaining, "I mean animals are unpredictable and so is Louise. Something might happen inside her head, which might make her react in a way she doesn't really have any control over."

Theresa shook her head stubbornly and refused to believe what Rachel and her father always tried to explain to her. "You and Pa are wrong. I miss Louise, and I just want to see her. Only that. And I don't want her to go back to that place. This is her home too and she belongs here with us."

"Tessie…"

"It's getting late and I better leave for school," the girl announced curtly, fighting back the tears that threatened to escape. She would never understand their reasons and they would never manage to convince her that Lou was bad. Even though she hadn't been aware of her sister's existence for years, she felt she knew her. Louise might be sick and even … crazy, but she was her sister and she loved her.

Without another word Theresa gave a peck to Rachel and dashed out of the house. The station mistress stared after her with a pained expression. Theresa was another one of the reasons why John was constantly irritated now. He had never been able to say no to anything his little girl asked him, but now Theresa came to him with demands about Lou, demands that he couldn't say yes to. The girl was too young to understand that her father wanted to protect her from suffering. Getting too attached to Louise would eventually mean heartache for the young girl, but Theresa just wouldn't understand. In her child's mind she just wanted to be with her sister and she was proving to be very stubborn, a trait that repeated itself in the whole family. John, Jeremiah, and Louise had strong personalities, and Rachel reckoned the three siblings must have gotten that from their father. Then it dawned on the station mistress that Lou wasn't John's real daughter, which ruined her theory, so with all probability their mother was a strong character too.

Rachel shook her head as she continued towards the kitchen, carrying the plates she had picked up in Lou's bedroom. Her family was going through a rough patch. Rachel just hoped that Christmas would settle moods a bit, and they could enjoy some of the holiday spirit. It would be the first Christmas she spent with John and the children and she had been looking forward to it for a long time. The situation now was kind of bitter and she needed to be able to forget those feelings for a spell. She had already bought loads of presents for everybody, and even though she had planned the occasion differently, the idea of that party at the Putmans appealed to her more and more. It had been a long time since she had last been able to enjoy herself without any worries. Yeah, she needed a respite. It was Christmas, a time to be happy and make everybody happy. Nothing would make her change her beliefs and this Christmas was going to be one night that she would never forget.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter XXXII**

Christmas Eve arrived and the day was filled with bubbling activity in the bunkhouse as the six riders were getting ready for tonight's party at the Putmans'. Being Christmas none had a ride, and for once they could enjoy the evening together. The night was freezing cold and according to an old wound of Teaspoon it was going to snow quite soon. So maybe tomorrow with some luck they would have a typical white Christmas.

Kid had finished donning his Sunday suit and sat down on his bunk to put on his polished boots. His friends all seemed excited and in a jolly mood about the celebration held by Mr. Putman at his place, but the Southerner would rather stay at the station and sleep the night away. Of course he couldn't refuse to go. Patricia would have an attack if he didn't turn up. She wouldn't buy any excuses from him. Rachel's idea of a quiet dinner would have been more his liking, and as she had said, Lou would have been able to join them. It was Christmas and it wasn't right she stayed locked away in that room tonight. Actually, it didn't feel correct either that she had to be there every single day. Lou had proved that she didn't do harm to anybody, but Boggs had imposed those rules upon her and nobody would convince him otherwise.

"What's that long face for, Kid?" Cody asked, leaning against the frame of another bunk opposite his friend. "Man, it's Christmas!"

"I don't really feel like going to that party," the Southerner replied quietly.

"It will be fun," Jimmy added, casting a look at himself in the mirror.

"You wouldn't say that if you were in my shoes," Kid retorted rising to his feet. "Apparently, Patricia's aunts, uncles and cousins from San Francisco have come to Sweetwater for the holiday, looking forward to meeting their niece's future husband. It's gonna be really entertaining." Kid made a bitter gesture, picturing in his mind what the night had in store for him.

"That's what it takes to get so involved with a woman," Ike signed from his position perched at the table with an amused expression.

"You shouldn't care about those relatives. You're gonna spend the evening with Patricia, the woman you love," Noah added pointedly.

"Because you love her, don't you?" Buck ended asking with a curious expression.

When they were done hurling these remarks, the five riders had gradually come closer and closer till they stood around the Southerner. Kid ran his eyes over his friends, and asked in an irritating voice, "What's this? An ambush?"

"Just answer the question," Jimmy urged him.

The Southerner threw him a sharp look, and then replied in a too defensive tone, "Of course I love her. She's my fiancée. Why else would I go and propose to her?"

"You never proposed," Noah reminded him.

"She got herself engaged to you on her own," Buck added.

"Well… yeah… but that doesn't mean I didn't want to."

"Kid, you look like a condemned man rather than one eager for his coming wedding," Jimmy remarked.

"Things are difficult… you know … uh … Lou ... the baby."

"Are you saying you'd rather not have that baby?" Ike signed the question.

"No! Of course not! I really want this child! But the situation with Lou … is … well…"

"Kid," Buck continued, cutting his friend off in mid-sentence, "you've known her peculiar circumstances from the very beginning. Or are you sorry for not accepting the ridiculous plan she came up to you with?"

"No… I guess not," the Southerner replied. He had told his friends about his conversation … or rather the argument he had had with Lou the day she had gotten out of jail. His fellow riders had agreed with the way he had responded and acted, but still something inside kept nagging him and he felt that he should have tried to do things differently. "Of course not," he mumbled quietly as an afterthought. "But I just wish I could make things better for her."

"Boggs is responsible for her, not you," Cody reminded him.

"I know… but I can't smile and act all chirpy when Lou's going through hell," the Southerner let out frustrated.

"It ain't your fault, Kid," Noah said.

"Ain't it?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips. "Her life was already too complicated as it is, and I had to mess it up even more. Nothing should have happened between us. I should've stopped things from going any further."

"Well, Kid, you can't change the past, and think that at least she's away from that asylum … at least for a while," Cody remarked.

"To be honest, I don't know what's worse," Kid let out in a whisper. "Isolated in that damn room would make anybody go mad."

"She's already nuts, Kid," Cody remarked with a smirk.

"And you're still crazy about her, ain't you?" Jimmy stated firmly.

Kid stayed silent for a few seconds, and then simply nodded his answer. "I can't help it. I've even thought we could still be a real family. I'd take care of her … and our baby. Maybe if she feels loved and cared for, she might get better …" Kid let out a weary sigh and muttered in a very soft voice. "I just don't know."

"Kid, you don't know the first thing about looking after a person in her condition and a baby to boot," Jimmy exclaimed, stunned by his friend's comment.

"Boggs hasn't been able to do so, and he's known her all her life," Buck added.

"And Kid, Patricia's a great girl," Cody continued. "If you say you love her, what else do you need to think about? For Pete's sake, enjoy life with your beautiful and healthy girlfriend and … well… we're sorry for Lou, but there's nothing we can do and you'd better forget about her."

Kid made a bitter gesture and simply said, "I know what you're saying, boys, and you're right, but it ain't that easy."

The conversation stopped then and there as the door clicked opened and Teaspoon appeared, urging them to get ready for the party. All the riders picked up their thick coats and hats and filed out of the door.

Meanwhile, in the house Rachel was finishing doing Theresa's hair in her bedroom. "Look at yourself, honey," she exclaimed, pointing at the mirror in front of them. "You're beautiful."

The young girl stared at her reflection with a sad expression. Her long, blonde hair was pinned by two purple ribbons to the sides which perfectly matched her brand new dress. She had been dreaming, longing, begging to have this dress for ages, but when Rachel and her father had appeared with the parcel today, she hadn't felt any joy. "Sweetheart, what is that sad face for? Cheer up! It's Christmas!"

"Why do we have to leave Louise here all alone?" the girl asked, turning around towards the station mistress.

"Honey, I'm afraid Patricia and her father didn't invite your sister," Rachel exclaimed, making use of all her patience again.

"But I don't like her spending Christmas all alone," Theresa insisted, pouting her lips exaggeratedly. "I could stay with her. I don't want to go to that stupid party anyways."

Rachel felt lost for words, and for one moment she didn't know what to say. The girl was right, and Rachel felt the same way as her. There was no justification, but she still had the need to stand for her husband. "Tessie, Louise needs her rest, you know, because of the baby. She was sleeping when I went into her room to leave some dinner for her," Rachel explained. She hadn't had the heart to wake her, and instead of the food she had prepared for Louise, she had finally left her a glass of milk and some cookies in case she woke up later. With the strained relationship she had with Lou, the station mistress hadn't been able to tell her about the plans for Christmas Eve, putting off the whole thing till the last minute, and now she hadn't wanted to wake her just to tell her. Louise would probably sleep the night through, and if she woke, she wouldn't even notice they were all gone.

Theresa kept the same glum expression despite the woman's words and Rachel added, "I'll tell you what, Tessie. I'll talk to your father and convince him to allow Louise to join us tomorrow morning when we all open our presents. That way you can give her that bead bracelet you made for her and I her new dress."

"Really?" the girl exclaimed, her mouth twitching into a smile.

"Really," Rachel repeated, praying that she was telling the truth to Theresa. It wouldn't be easy to make John go along with her idea. Maybe after the night she had planned, he would be in a better mood and would consent. She knew it was just wishful thinking, but for Theresa's sake she'd rather fulfill her promise to her. "And now we'd better get a move on. The boys are already waiting for us and will start a riot if we don't come down."

* * *

The wind howled outside and the first snowflakes had started to fall from a starless sky. Tonight the moon was completely hidden by an almost continuous layer of clouds, leaving the earth below in total darkness. The house was dark and in silence but for the creaking sounds of the wooden walls as the wind shook the building mercilessly.

Louise was sleeping peacefully. Even though she didn't do any physical activity at all, being locked up all day long, she lately felt exhausted and drained on account of her pregnancy, and ended up going to bed very early. Suddenly, her eyes shot open, and a yelp escaped her lips. Lou sat up in a flash while she grabbed her middle as terrible pains shot though her stomach. In the darkness she slid out of the bed, and with trembling legs she managed to find her way towards the door. Louise could hardly stand on her two feet as the continuous pains she was feeling were weakening her by the minute. "Rachel!" she called while knocking at the locked door. "Rachel!"

Silence responded to her summons. As the pains increased in intensity and frequency, Louise got more and more nervous and started sobbing, fearing that there was something wrong with her baby. "Rachel! Please! Help!" she continued calling at the top of her voice, pounding the door with both her fists with all her might. Nobody was answering her panicky pleas, and Lou became frantic.

As she didn't hear any sounds in the house, she staggered across the room towards the window and opened it with difficulty. Louise was panting and feeling very weak as the pain racked her body. "Kid! Kid!" she called out of the window in a desperate tone. "Kid! Please! Anybody, please! Help!" The yard continued in total silence and there wasn't any indication that her pleas had been heard at all. She continued shouting his name for a while, but her voice was faltering little by little. The cold was getting into her bones, and she eventually closed the window with a strong push, realizing that she was wasting her time. The girl shuffled towards the door once again and continued calling and knocking. "Please! Rachel! Pa! Please help me! Help me!"

Louise was getting desperate; her head was in a haze and she was feeling nauseous while she kept hitting the door with all her strength. An even sharper pain shot through her and Louise yelped as she leaned her back against the door panting while wrapping her left arm over her middle. "Please!" she cried among sobs and her back slid down the surface of the door. Her body resting on the floor and against the door, Louise kept banging the door with her right hand. "Please," she called in a whisper while the tears rolled down her face. "Please!"

* * *

Rachel giggled at something that John had said as they drove on the buckboard towards the station. The night had been magical, and Rachel felt she hadn't enjoyed herself so much in a very long time. It had been a very different Christmas Eve for her, but she was glad to have accepted the invitation. When they had arrived at the Putmans' place, the little gathering that Patricia had told them about turned out to be a much bigger event. There were dozens of people, a band was playing tunes and Christmas carols, and a room had been set up with several tables for the delicious meal that was served later. Despite her initial awkwardness, Rachel had been able to enjoy the night thoroughly. She hadn't danced so much in her entire life, and she had felt light-hearted, especially noticing that John looked very laid-back.

Tonight the John she knew and had fallen in love with was back, and only for that she was thankful for this wonderful evening. The boys and the children had also had a great time. Jeremiah and Theresa had been playing non-stop with some young cousins of Patricia's and had been on their best behavior. Teaspoon and the riders had also had their own amusement, dancing with the girls there, and enjoying the good food they were served. The only one who hadn't really looked comfortable was Kid. He had followed Patricia's lead like a lapdog as she introduced him to everybody at the party or engaged him in conversation. Rachel knew Kid pretty well and even though he was smiling, she could tell that his smile wasn't genuine. The station mistress wondered what was on his mind all the time. The Southerner had changed notably in the last months, and it had been a while since they had seen the old Kid. Rachel didn't know whether that sadness they could all lately see in his countenance had to do with his unplanned baby, Lou or his shame for what had happened. The station mistress had made a mental note to talk to him, but tonight she had decided to focus her attention on her husband and enjoying the night.

They left the party much later than Rachel had initially planned. She had enjoyed herself so much that time had simply flown by. Rachel looked at her husband with a bright smile as he drove the buckboard home. Jeremiah and Theresa were warmly wrapped up in blankets on the back of the carriage, and were already dozing. The riders rode their horses behind them, talking endlessly about the party they'd just left. Rachel hooked her arms around his husband's and rested her head on his shoulder. "I've had such a great time!" she exclaimed.

Boggs smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Me too. A very nice party indeed."

Rachel lifted her head to look into his eyes and added with a seducing voice, "You know. The party ain't over for us yet."

Her husband sent her a quizzical look and asked, "What are you up to, Rachel Boggs?" The woman simply wiggled her eyebrows, and the couple burst out laughing when the banker caught the hint in his wife's gestures. "I've always loved Christmas, and now I know the reason," Boggs remarked teasingly.

Rachel smiled sweetly and thinking back about the conversation she had had with Louise a few days ago she said, "John, tell me. How were your Christmases when your first wife was alive?"

The man sent her a curious look but answered her question straightaway, "They were quite nice, actually. We had a big dinner for all the family, my uncles and aunts too, used to play games and had loads of presents for everybody."

"All the family? Louise as well?" the station mistress asked tentatively.

"Do we need to talk about her tonight too?" he exclaimed with a hint of irritation in his voice.

"I'm just curious."

Boggs made a bitter gesture and added, "Of course she was there too. I told you, she was always a strange girl. She lived in her own world, and in those family gatherings she kept to herself even more."

"I understand," Rachel let out sadly. Of course she had known that Lou's account of her childhood's Christmases hadn't been accurate, but hearing the truth from John's lips wasn't easy either. It saddened her to think that Louise hadn't even had a normal childhood like all kids should have.

Boggs looked at her through the corner of his eyes and noticing her countenance he asked, "What's that face for?"

"It's very sad," she whispered very softly.

"I guess it is, but it is the way it was."

Rachel nodded and kept thoughtful for a moment. "John," she spoke tentatively after a beat, "can't we have her with us tomorrow morning when the children open their presents? Just for this once, please."

"What's the use of it?" Boggs let out roughly.

"John, it will be a nice treat for Theresa and she might stop her protests."

Boggs stared at her for a few seconds, and then he said in a serious voice, "All right. But only for this once, all right?"

Rachel smiled brightly and gave him a big kiss on his cheek. "Oh John, I love you so much."

"You know I can't deny you anything," Boggs admitted with a little smile, and they dd not talk anymore as they continued towards the station. When they arrived, the riders and Boggs led their horses straight for the stables to settle them for the night. Ike offered to see to the buckboard for the married couple as they steered the two half-asleep children to the house. Before the couple left the stables, Boggs turned to the riders and said, "Boys, why don't you drop by the house to have a last toast before we all turn in? I have a bottle of a delicious liqueur."

"John, you're forgetting about the alcohol ban," Rachel remarked.

"They ain't gonna get drunk. Only one shot. Teaspoon ain't around, and it's Christmas," John replied and turning to the riders he added before walking away, "I'll see you all in a minute."

After the boys had taken care of the horses, they all shuffled to the white-washed house. They were tired but still didn't want the night to finish. Kid dragged himself along even though he'd rather go to bed straightaway. The night had been too long for his taste, and he couldn't wait to finally rest in his bunk. After knocking at the door, Boggs's voice told them to come in. After leaving his son in the bedroom, the man had set the small table in the lounge with the aforementioned bottle of liqueur and eight small glasses.

"Where's Rachel?" Jimmy asked as he took the glass from the banker.

"Upstairs tucking Theresa in and checking on … you know who," Boggs explained as he continued pouring the liquid into the glasses.

Suddenly, a piercing cry was heard in the whole house coming from the floor above, and all seven men shot up the stairs in a flash. As they dashed along the corridor, Kid's heart almost stopped as he took in the scene before him. Rachel was kneeling, calling Lou's name repeatedly. The girl was lying across the floor, her body between the corridor and the bedroom as if she had fallen from inside. Kid scuttled along and crouched across from Rachel and next to the girl. "Lou!" he called frantically as he ran his eyes over her body. Among Rachel's summons he faintly heard Jimmy saying he'd fetch the doctor and scampering away. Lou's eyes were tight shut, unresponding and in the dim light of the lamp Rachel had left on the floor Kid saw it and his heart almost stopped. Blood. Her right hand was covered in blood, which had smeared onto her nightgown as well. "No!" Kid yelped in an agonizing voice. "Oh Lou, what have you done?"

At his desperate cry Lou groggily opened her eyes, and Kid felt relief surge throughout him. She fixed her gaze upon him and mumbled into a tiny voice, "Please help me."

"Let's take her inside," Rachel said in a firmer tone than she had.

Kid cooped her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom while the other riders decided to let them have some privacy and go downstairs. Boggs had dashed to his children's bedroom to calm them down as they had woken up at Rachel's screams. Kid carefully left Louise on the bed and staring down at her figure he realized how small and pale she looked. Rachel quickly wrapped a rag round her hand and wrist as blood continued seeping through. "Oh Lou, honey," the woman let out as she shared a desperate look with the Southerner.

About twenty minutes later Jimmy arrived with Doctor Barnes. The physician shushed Rachel and Kid out of the bedroom as he was to examine Louise. The station mistress and the men settled in the lounge while waiting for the doctor to finish. Boggs looked as if he were about to explode. He had not said a word since he had come down after soothing his children, but he could not hold back his irritation any longer. "She never misses an opportunity to ruin everything. Some Christmas we're having!"

"John," replied Teaspoon, who had got to the station after learning about the situation from Jimmy. "I imagine she ain't aware what her acts mean. You can't hold your young lady responsible for somethin' she mightn't have a grasp of."

Boggs did not seem to have heard the marshal, and continued regardless, "We shouldn't have bothered to call the doctor. If she wants to kill herself, then let her be."

"John!" Rachel exclaimed shocked.

"We'd all be better off if she died," Boggs carried undeterred by his wife's words. "She should never have been born in the first place. Gave me and her mother a hellish time while growing up and now …" The man directed his eyes to the window through which they all could see Kid's lonely figure. The Southerner had scurried out of the house, unable to stand anyone's presence. "He shouldn't be going through all this," Boggs continued in the same tone, "He's a good boy, and has got a lot to look forward to, a wedding, a lovely girlfriend … and once again she came to spoil someone's life. It isn't fair."

Everybody gazed at Boggs with flabbergasted expressions after his speech, but nobody dared to say anything. Rachel was speechless, and all she could do was stare at her husband with indignation. She understood that he was annoyed, but he should show some compassion for Louise. They didn't know whether Lou and the baby would be all right or were fighting for their life at this moment. Rachel didn't want to even think that Lou had finally crossed the line, reaching a non-return point. The feelings of guilt shook the woman devastatingly. She had known all along that they shouldn't have left her alone, but the thing was that Louise hadn't shown any signs indicating that she would try something like this. Her mood hadn't been very different from the one she had had in the last few weeks, and when they had left the station, she had been peacefully sleeping. What possibly could have happened inside her head to make her do such a terrible thing?

The sound of steps coming down the stairs told them that Doctor Barnes had finished with Lou. They all stood to wait for the physician, and Jimmy called out for Kid, who dashed back inside in a flash. He held his breath, waiting for Doctor Barnes to reach them while he kept repeating _'Oh God, let her be all right'_ over and over again.

The doctor finally descended the last flight of stairs, and Teaspoon was the first to approach him and asked, "How's Louise, Doc?"

"She's fine," the physician replied. "Both she and the baby are all right."

"Oh thank God," Kid exclaimed, releasing the breath he had been holding.

"Those pains are just a warning sign from her own body," the doctor explained but didn't manage to finish as Rachel interrupted him.

"Pains? What pains?"

"Contractions. In her lower abdomen," the physician continued. "Wasn't that why you called me?"

The men and Rachel exchanged clueless looks, and before anyone could say anything, Boggs spoke up, "Doctor, you well know it is the other more concerning matter that's kept us on tenterhooks." The physician gave him a strange look, and Boggs added, "She slashed her wrist once again, didn't she?"

"With all my respects, Mr. Boggs, but luckily you're wrong there. Your daughter didn't do such a thing."

"Her hand was covered in profuse blood," Rachel commented with a tiny voice.

"Yes, you're right. Miss McCloud grazed the skin of her right hand and broke a couple of knuckles when she tried to call for help," Doctor Barnes explained non-chalantly. "I imagine it must have been quite a scare for her, fearing for her baby's life and finding herself all alone. No wonder she almost broke her whole hand pounding on that door."

Rachel felt her cheeks burning, noticing the hint of a scolding in the doctor's words. She felt responsible for Lou's welfare since she was the only one who saw to her needs. "She was perfectly fine when we left," the woman defended herself.

"Mrs. Boggs, if you allow me to be frank with you," the doctor replied. "The conditions Miss McCloud is living under aren't suitable for a lady in her state. I noticed she isn't gaining the appropriate weight, which makes me think she isn't eating properly. Besides, you can't have a pregnant woman locked in a room all day long. Miss McCloud needs to move … do some exercise. As I've told you, the pains she felt tonight are the way her body protests and shows that there's something wrong."

"My daughter's mentally unbalanced, Doctor Barnes," Boggs retorted in a serious voice. "She ain't trustworthy and there are certain precautions we need to take with her for everybody's welfare."

"I'm just saying how things are, Mr. Boggs," the physician continued. "The way you manage your family is your business, but it's my duty to care for the health of the citizens in this town and that includes your daughter."

"So what do you advise us to do, George?" Teaspoon asked.

"Just the basics. For her own good and the baby, make sure she eats properly and walks for at least an hour every day."

"It's not that easy," Rachel retorted. "I struggle to make her finish her meals, but most days she just refuses to do so. I just can't force the food down her throat."

"Maybe you should try another tactic. Sometimes eating is more of a habit than a pure necessity. Miss McCloud needs to get into that habit. Instead of having her meals alone in her room, let her share the table with all of you. It might help her to regain her appetite. Her case isn't strange. It often happens to women who are expecting."

"We'll make sure she follows your instructions," Kid stated firmly. He had been so worried thinking that Lou had tried to kill herself that when the doctor had told them it wasn't the case, a weight had been lifted off his mind. Yet, he was still concerned for her after what the physician had said. After his multiple attempts to convince her in that direction, she still refused to eat as she should.

Kid swore to himself that he'd do everything in his power to make her comply with the doctor's instructions. He was ready to stand up to Boggs if necessary; they would have to change the arrangements they had imposed upon Lou. Doctor Barnes was right. They, he in particular, had neglected Lou. He should have paid more attention to her needs, but he hadn't moved a finger to make things better for her. Now things were gonna change, Kid told himself. The idea that if she wasn't strong enough, labor might kill her was too scary and left him drained. "Is … is she really fine?" the Southerner asked tentatively.

"Yeah, she's fine."

"Can we see her?" Kid asked again.

"Sure," Doctor Sanders replied. "She was very nervous, so I gave her some laudanum to calm her down. She fell asleep before I left the room."

Teaspoon shook hands with the physician as he thanked him for his help, especially on a day like Christmas Eve, which everybody wanted to spend with their families. The doctor walked to the door while saying, "I'll come by tomorrow to check on Miss McCloud and change the bandages in her hand."

Rachel voiced her thanks, and the rest bid the doctor good-bye as he stepped out of the house. As soon as the door clicked closed, Kid swirled around and scampered up the stairs. He slowed his steps when he approached the bedroom and opened the door carefully. When he slid inside, he saw her still figure by the light of the only lamp lit in the room. As the doctor had rightly said, Louise was peacefully sleeping in her bed. Kid approached her, taking in every single detail of her body. His eyes felt drawn to her bandaged hand, and, when he reached the bed, he got hold of her hand and fixed his eyes on her wrist. He needed to see for real that she hadn't done what he had dreaded she had done.

Kid had been so frantic with worry that he felt he wanted to see for himself what Doctor Barnes had said. His eyes gazed at the old scars that stretched across her fine wrist and he let out a sigh. It was the first time he saw them this close, and Kid could count five lines imprinted on her pale skin. "Oh Lou!" he exclaimed aloud. With a heavy heart he wondered what prompted her to attempt to take her own life so many times. Lou was a vibrant and intelligent girl, and he fervently wished she could be like other women. If God could grant him a single wish, he'd only ask for Lou to get well. That's all his heart desired and he wouldn't want anything from life. Only that.

Kid let go of her hand and leaning over, he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Lou. I'm gonna take good care of you from now on as you deserve. I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm so sorry, baby."

"It ain't your fault, Kid," a feminine voice talked behind him, and when he turned round, he saw Rachel at the door.

The Southerner made a bitter gesture and added, "You're right. It wasn't _only_ my fault."

The station mistress nodded, accepting her part of blame in the situation. They shouldn't have left Lou on her own when she was in a very delicate condition. Louise wasn't like other pregnant women; she looked very weak and fragile and Rachel chastised herself for overlooking all this. Besides, tonight's incident had made her open her eyes to Lou's reality. When they had all seen Louise lying on the floor, they had thought that Louise had done what those old scars of hers clearly specified about her life. Rachel knew that they should keep a closer watch on the girl for her own good. Tonight's fears might become a reality, and Rachel needed to make sure that would never happen. "Is she asleep?" the woman simply asked after a while.

Kid nodded, his eyes fixed on Louise and added, "I'm so scared, Rachel. I'm afraid of losing her."

"I know."

"Rachel," the Southerner continued, directing his eyes back to the station mistress. "I don't care what your husband says this time. I'll make sure she keeps healthy and strong. I don't want to lose her … or our baby."

Rachel nodded, completely agreeing with the rider, but she knew that it wouldn't be a piece of cake at all to convince John that they should loosen the binds on Louise. Seeing the proud countenance and set jaw in Kid, she realized that he wouldn't take no for an answer. Rachel felt glad that at least she wasn't alone, and Kid would support her when it came the time to follow the doctor's instructions and persuade John about it.

The station mistress faintly smiled at the rider and said, "The boys have retired for the night. Why don't you go to bed now, Kid?"

The Southerner shook his head. "No. I'm gonna spend the night here," he said as he brought a chair closer to the bed, and he sank down onto it.

"Kid, you don't have to. She's fine."

"She might feel those pains again and I ain't taking any risks," Kid stated firmly. "You get your rest, Rachel. It's very late."

Rachel nodded and kept staring at the rider. The way he was looking at the girl tugged at the woman's heart. Rachel could swear that Kid really cared for Lou. Maybe if things were different, the rider would probably be on his way to becoming related to her. For some reason Rachel suspected that being his fiancée and all Patricia didn't make Kid as happy as he should be. Rachel had never seen the Southerner look at his fiancée with the same intensity and longing that he was now gazing at Louise with. It was really a shame for them. Knowing that one had no right over their own life or circumstances was totally frustrating and heart-breaking. Rachel wished she would talk to Kid, but to twist the knife in the wound would only bring him more heartache. This was something that the rider should battle on his own. Rachel kept looking at the boy with a sad countenance and after a few minutes she mumbled a soft "good-night" and left the bedroom.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter XXXIII**

After resisting sleep for hours, Kid had finally succumbed to a deep slumber. His right elbow rested on the chair arm while his hand supported the weight of his head. Little by little his forehead slid off his palm, and the rider almost lunged forward when his head missed the surface of his hand. Kid grumbled, gradually waking up to a brand new day. His back and neck were stiff and sore after spending the night on the uncomfortable chair and when he finally opened his eyes, his mouth split into a big smile as he realized that Lou was wide awake.

"Hey!" the rider greeted cheerfully as he approached the bed, dragging the chair along. "Merry Christmas!" Louise stared at him with big eyes and a serious countenance but did not try to say a single word. "How are you feeling?" Kid asked but his question was met with just silence. "You ain't having those pains again, are you?" The rider asked again, but Louise simply kept staring at him grimly. He sighed wearily but her attitude did not deter him from continuing to try. "Lou, the doctor said that the baby is all right, but you need to start looking after yourself better and eat properly." He paused briefly and flashing her a big smile he added, "You're not gonna be doing this alone, not anymore. I intend to be here for you." Louise kept an impassive countenance and her lack of response was making Kid very nervous. "For goodness' sake, Lou, say something!" he exclaimed loudly and feeling that he had been too rough, he soothed his tone. "Look, I know you're angry with me. I don't blame you, but please forgive me."

Instead of the answer he expected, Louise turned her head to the other side, thus avoiding looking at him. Yet, Kid did not give in, and rising to his feet he rounded the bed and crossed over to the other side so that he could catch her eye. The rider crouched to the same level as her. "You know that today is Christmas?" he started, but foreseeing that she was not going to reply he continued, "I have a little present for you and our baby."

The Southerner scrambled to his feet and walked to the chair where he had left his coat. Digging into its pockets he produced a little parcel and a pouch and plodded back next to the bed. Since the day he had bought the presents, he had carried them in his coat in case he finally got the opportunity to see Louise and give them to her. The rider held the little parcel and the pouch before her eyes. "Come on, Lou! Grab them!"

When Louise did not make the slight attempt to move or stretch her arm, Kid started to remove the brown wrapping paper of the parcel. It revealed a pair of beige baby bootees, and Kid held them before Louise. "I guess it's the first thing for our baby. You like them?" Lou continued in silence and the Southerner added with a smile, "And well, it's time we started getting everything ready before our child's birth."

Louise kept staring at him without saying a word, and Kid left the bootees on the side table. Then he got hold of the little pouch and poured its contents into his palm. The Southerner locked eyes with her while holding the object for her to see. "And this is for you," he started in a soft voice. "It's a brooch in the shape of an angel, a little angel to look after you." Kid tried to smile but her grave face made him fail in his attempt to do so. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked, his forehead creased with worry. "Please talk to me."

He waited and waited for just a sound from her lips but instead Louise just closed her eyes, thus shutting him off. The Southerner felt totally frustrated at this new attitude of hers, and he finally said, "I'll leave you now since that's what you apparently want. I have to talk to Rachel and your father anyway. See you later, all right?"

Kid looked at her, wishing she'd simply nod her head, but Louise kept her eyes shut and as impassive as she had been since he had woken up this morning. The rider shook his head and sighing wearily he turned round and walked out of the room. When the door banged close after him, Louise opened her eyes. Stretching her arm, she took hold of Kid's presents and brought them against her mouth while bitter tears rolled down her cheeks.

* * *

It hadn't been easy, nothing at all. Boggs had been his usual stubborn self and had repeatedly refused to change the arrangements they already had for Louise. His excuse had been his two younger children, and he argued that he didn't want them to have any contact whatsoever with the girl. Kid had stood against him firmly and fought him. Rachel had supported the rider's views and feeling defeated, John Boggs had finally given up.

After much arguing, they had finally decided new arrangements for Lou. Every day after the children had their meals, Louise would have hers with the riders and the other adults in the bunkhouse, and Rachel and Kid would take it in turns to walk with her every morning when her siblings were at school. The Southerner wasn't completely satisfied with the decision they had reached. He was sure that it would do Lou a lot of good to be with Jeremiah and Theresa, and it wasn't right that she had to remain in her room the rest of the time between meals and walks. She had proved she meant no harm, but Boggs was adamant in that respect. At least he had managed to get this much from the man, and as the banker had reminded him, Lou might be carrying his baby but she didn't belong to him.

After that strange Christmas Day, a new routine began for Lou. Rachel had told her everything that Kid had tried before, but her attitude was pretty much the same. She never said a word or even acknowledged the woman's presence and kept looking anywhere but her. The station mistress did not even know if she had heard a word she had uttered, but when she came to the room a bit later to take her to the bunkhouse, Louise followed her straightaway.

The presence of the girl at the dinner table attracted the curiosity of all the riders, who had not seen her for many weeks. They greeted her warmly, but Louise kept her eyes downcast and never said a word. She sat down to eat and without looking at anybody she focused her attention on the plate before her eyes. Kid kept trying to make her speak up, asking whatever crossed his mind at the moment, but she never answered or even glanced in his direction.

On the days that followed the girl did not change her attitude, and she seemed like a silent ghost whenever she was around. Rachel did her utmost to find out what was on Lou's mind to make her act like that, and whenever they went for her prescribed walks, the station mistress used any trick she could think of to make her react, but Louise simply looked ahead of her and gave no signs that she was even listening. Rachel realized that she was wasting her time with Lou, and on the third day they set off together, the older woman decided to stop trying and simply enjoyed the stroll in silence.

On his part, Kid had been busy for the last few days, and when he finally had some free time, he took upon himself to walk with Lou that morning. The rider was growing concerned about her, especially since Boggs had told them that Lou's silence was just another sign showing that her head was not working properly and her state was worsening. The thought scared the Southerner to death, and he refused to accept that they should simply stay idle or think she was a hopeless case. Maybe it was true and nobody could do anything for Lou, but Kid stubbornly tried to trigger a reaction from her at all costs.

Whenever he saw her, he was instantly over her, asking after her health, the baby or her opinion about anything. Of course Lou never answered his questions. Today, which was the first time they went for a walk together, Kid did not stop talking for one single moment, but Louise did not even turn her head to look at him. Gazing at the distance and her arms folded over her chest, she just kept strutting by his side or even a few feet in front of him. They were now back at the station, crossing the yard towards the white-washed house.

"Lou," He continued tireless, "I've been thinking that we should come up with a name for our baby. What do you think of … Louise if it's a girl? I'd really love to call her after her lovely mama. Tell me, what do you think? Would you rather have a baby girl or a boy?" He dared to throw a look in her direction even though he was sure she'd never answer him, and after a few seconds he carried on, "To be honest, I'd love to have a little girl … yeah, a little girl who looks just like you… with your brown big eyes, your hair … She would be beautiful. Of course if it's a boy, I'd be as happy."

Louise quickened her steps, and Kid had to do the same to keep up with her as they crossed the picket fence surrounding Rachel's house. Despite her refusal to even look at him, Kid did not stop. "You know, Lou? You're starting to look better and fuller already. I'm so glad you're eating as you should and these strolls are surely sparkling some color on your skin." He smiled his brightest smile, but as his gesture was rewarded with just silence once again, Kid ran out of patience. As they reached the porch steps, the rider grabbed her by the arm, stilling her movements while he exclaimed, "For goodness' sake, Lou, talk to me please. Say anything, anything at all. Yell at me, insult me, scream … whatever, but please say something. I'm dead worried about you. Please." The girl averted her eyes from his and yanking her arm free forcefully she continued towards the house as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Lou! Lou!" Kid called after her as he dashed into the house behind the girl. "Lou!" he called again, but she never turned around and scurried up the stairs towards her bedroom. The rider stood at the foot of the staircase, his hands resting on his hips while staring at her retreating figure with a worried expression on his face.

"Kid?" a feminine voice called behind him, and looking to his side he realized that he had missed the presence of Patricia and Rachel sitting on the sofa.

"Uh … hi, honey," he stuttered clumsily, scratching the nape of his neck nervously. Patricia gracefully rose to her feet and came closer to the rider with Rachel following suit.

"I came by to see you since you seem to have forgotten me," the girl remarked stiffly.

"Don't be silly; I've just been busy," Kid excused himself. It was true, and Patricia should know by now that his job meant not having so much free time to socialize or go courting. He had been lucky to have had that day off at Christmas, but after the holiday life continued as usual. Yet, Patricia seemed to have forgotten that her fiancé was a Pony Express rider and came here with her illogical demands.

"But you aren't too busy to spend time with her," the girl retorted scornfully, tilting her head to indicate upstairs.

"If you'll excuse me. I have to start lunch," Rachel said, feeling like an unwanted intruder in the disagreement between the couple that apparently was to follow. Patricia had arrived at the station about half an hour ago and when Rachel had told her where Kid was, the girl had been anything but pleased. The station mistress knew that Patricia had some animosity against Louise, and it was understandable to a certain extent. It wasn't easy to digest the notion that your man had been intimate with another woman, and that she was carrying his child. Yet, in this case Patricia had no reason to fear; Lou was a sick person and did not mean a threat to the blonde girl. Still, Rachel could feel how Patricia stiffened or her features hardened whenever Lou's name was brought up. The station mistress just hoped that the hostility she felt for Louise wouldn't be passed to the baby Patricia was supposed to be a mother for.

Rachel crossed the length of her lounge and when the door banged closed behind her, Kid said, "Patricia, please, don't start. I was just walking with Lou following the doctor's instructions. You know I have a responsibility to her and I have to see to it that both she and the baby are well."

"You also have a responsibility to me," Patricia added with the same stiff tone.

"Of course I do, I know. I told you, I've been busy," the rider continued a bit too roughly, running out of patience. "I had planned to drop by your place this afternoon to see you."

Patricia kept silent for a few seconds, her attitude softening at his words. "Rachel told me what happened on Christmas Eve. Why didn't you come to tell me?"

"Honestly, Patricia, it's been crazy at the station lately," the rider explained, guiltily thinking that his words weren't completely true. Yes, they had all been as busy as always, but he hadn't given any thought to Patricia the day Louise had been unwell. All his self had gone out to Lou and nothing else.

"Kid," the girl continued, her tone much softer now, "are you completely sure that she didn't try anything funny that night?"

"Of course. What else?" the Southerner replied defensively.

"Well, honey, I've experienced in my own flesh what she's capable of. So it wouldn't be surprising if …"

"She just hurt her hand trying to call for help," Kid interrupted her, stiffening when Patricia had mentioned that incident that had taken place over a month ago. Patricia had claimed that Lou had attacked her when she had taken her to her house, but somehow Kid still felt that her fiancée's account wasn't completely accurate, and there was more in that story that met the eye.

"Rachel told me that she's getting worse, that she isn't talking," the girl insisted.

"Well… yeah…," Kid answered uncomfortably, dropping onto the sofa heavily and running his fingers through his hair repeatedly. "But we can't tell whether she's worse or not. We ain't no doctors."

Patricia came to sit down next to him and took his hand in hers, squeezing it softly. "Kid, I've been thinking about something," she said hesitantly. The rider turned his head towards her and looked at the girl quizzically as he perceived the hesitation in her voice. "Have … have you ever given it a thought to the fact that her baby might inherit her … uh … problems?"

Kid stared at her aghast, contemplating for the first time what Patricia was saying. "Don't say that!" he muttered morosely.

"It's something you … we have to take into account!" the girl insisted. "You just simply can't ignore that possibility!"

"There's no reason to believe it has to be that way. Jeremiah and Theresa are perfectly healthy children."

"Maybe she got it from her real father's bloodline, and that's why her siblings are different," Patricia retorted. The girl was really concerned that they would end up taking care of a sick child. To be honest, she still had her doubts about being a mother to that baby. Of course she had always wanted to have children, but to look after a demented woman's offspring wasn't something she was looking forward to. Secretly the girl hoped that Louise didn't carry her pregnancy to term, but to her chagrin all her prayers hadn't been answered yet.

"And what if it's like that? That doesn't change things and I don't intend to worry before the time comes."

"Kid, don't be so naïve," Patricia exclaimed irritated at his attitude. "Of course that changes everything. We'll have to think what we will do then."

"Do?" Kid repeated in a loud tone. "I ain't gonna do what you are hinting at. I'm gonna love and take care of my child since the first day regardless of anything else. I couldn't never do like John Boggs and send my child to that hell where Lou lives."

"Kid, you need to think sensibly in case that happens. It wouldn't be fair for us to sacrifice our lives like that!"

Kid rose to his feet and disengaging her hand from his he looked down at her with a dead serious expression, "I never asked or forced you to give up on anything or accept my circumstances. If you feel you ain't up to the responsibility we'll have to assume, you're free to break off our engagement."

His words threw her into a panic, and scrambling to her feet Patricia wrapped her arms around his torso tightly. "Please Kid don't say that," she exclaimed frantically. "You know marrying you is all I want … all I need. I never meant to anger you. Of course I'm more than happy to share that responsibility with you."

Kid stared at her and said in earnest, "Never ever say anything against my baby, understood?"

Patricia simply nodded, realizing that she should never mention anything against that child if she didn't want to lose Kid. She was going to hate to share him with that brat, but now realization hit her and she would have to repress her feelings. Patricia had always liked little children, and she had thought that adopting Kid's baby as her own would be easy. Yet, knowing who its real mother was filled her with resentment towards a little person who hadn't even been born yet. Patricia had secretly hoped that they would send that child away … maybe to a boarding school, but now she knew that she'd have to use a lot more persuasion to carry out her plans.

"Please, Kid, let's not argue," the girl said using her sugariest voice and standing on her tiptoes she planted a quick kiss on his unresponding lips. "Why don't you come home with me, and we have lunch together? I'd really love to spend some time with you."

Her sweetness was enough to disarm Kid, and he could not stay angry with her. What she had told him about the baby filled him with utter apprehension. All he wanted was for his child to be and grow healthy and strong. The rest didn't matter. Kid kept telling himself mentally that he shouldn't let Patricia's comment influence him. He wasn't going to worry because there was no reason for that. His baby was going to be fine; Lou was now blooming unlike in the previous weeks and they were going to have a beautiful and strong child. Nobody's malicious remarks were going to make him doubt, not even his own fiancée's. It was going to be fine.

* * *

Several days later Kid knocked on Lou's bedroom door and without waiting for the answer he knew would not come from her he slid inside. Louise was sitting on her rocking chair, and did not even meet his eyes when he talked to her.

"Hi, Lou. How are you feeling today?" asked the rider even though he knew that she wouldn't reply. "Ready for your daily walk? You know, I enjoyed it very much the other day, and I was actually looking forward to today."

As expected, Lou did not say a word and instead she rose to her feet, and went past Kid and out of the room. With a heavy heart the rider followed along the corridor and down the stairs. He hated seeing her like this, but even though she had not spoken or looked his way, it was true that he had loved their time together. To be able to be by her side and lay eyes on her was already a present. Still her now so-often presence in the bunkhouse stirred those feelings that Kid did not try to deny to himself anymore. Naturally he felt guilty for loving her the way he should actually care for his own fiancée. Patricia was a nice girl, but Kid knew that she would never make him feel the way Louise did with just her presence.

Kid followed Lou out of the house, and when the rider found Patricia waiting for him on the porch, an expression of surprise appeared on his countenance. "What are you doing here?"

The girl walked closer to the Southerner, moving as if she owned the place, and said, "Since you're always saying that I never get involved in your matters. I wanted to show you that you're wrong." She paused briefly and then continued, "I knew that you have to walk with Louise today, so I wondered if I could tag along."

"Uh … sure," Kid replied awkwardly, unsure of what had prompted the change in his fiancée. Maybe it had been their argument a few days ago, but such a sudden twist was rather astonishing to say the least. Until today Patricia had not bothered to hide her loathing for Louise, and now her volunteering to be near her was very strange. Kid looked over his shoulder to see where Lou had wandered to and when he spotted her a few feet away with Rachel he turned to his fiancée and said, "So … shall we go then?"

The girl smiled brightly and hooked her arm around the rider's while they walked towards Lou. The chestnut-haired young lady did not look at either when Kid explained to her the addition to their party, or when Patricia greeted her. Louise simply started walking in the usual direction, and the couple followed her on her tracks. Patricia did not stop blabbering a single minute while Kid tried his best to keep up with her continuous flow of words. This was not the way he had planned today's walk would be. He would have liked to try once again to make Lou talk, but with Patricia by his side the task was impossible. The Southerner hoped his fiancée didn't make a habit of this and wanted to join them every time he walked with Louise.

They were now ambling in the forest that surrounded Sweetwater on its outskirts like an oblong green belt. The choppy waters of the river could be heard in the near distance, thus pointing that the last few week's heavy rain had rewarded the earth with its richness. Louise continued walking ahead of the couple, negotiating trees, bushes and rocks she found in her way, and when she reached the limit of the river, she crouched and sat down at its bank.

"Lou, what are you doing?" Kid called as he neared the place where she had stopped.

Louise never answered him and instead she started to unlace and remove her boots. The couple stopped at a certain distance behind her, and stared at the girl with curiosity. Pulling up her skirt Louise began to peel off her stockings one by one and then she plunged her feet into the water while she kept sitting on the river bank.

"Lou!" Kid called again. "Pull your feet out of the water before you catch pneumonia! It's freezing cold!" It was the beginning of January and even though the sun was shining above, its rays were too weak to warm the earth below. The snow that had fallen a week ago had already melted, but the temperatures were extremely cold.

As she did not pay him any heed, the rider made the attempt to get to her, but Patricia tightened her hold on his arm, stopping his intentions. "Leave her alone, Kid," she said. "I heard pregnant women usually suffer from hot flashes. Maybe she's just freshening herself up." Kid looked at the girl dubiously, not completely sure whether to believe that somebody would willingly submit their skin to the freezing water of the river. Nobody could be that hot in the bitter winter. Yet, Patricia's explanation brought him some relief as his first idea had been that this was another of Lou's peculiarities like her silence lately.

Kid kept staring at Louise who was splashing water on her legs and then he felt Patricia's strong hand on his upper arm, who swirled him around towards her. "Kid, don't stare at her like a peeping Tom and give her some privacy!" the girl exclaimed in a teasing tone, but deep inside it annoyed her to catch her man gazing at the woman. How glad she was to have decided to join Kid in this stupid stroll. Otherwise, that woman would now be flaunting her legs shamelessly in front of her fiancé.

Patricia flashed her best smile to conceal her disgust as best as she could and throwing her arms around Kid's neck she started kissing him on the mouth. The rider was taken aback by her impetuosity and carefully pulled away from her. "Patricia, no… What's gotten into you?"

"Is it so strange for me to want to kiss my fiancé?" the girl exclaimed annoyed. "There's always someone around when we meet… my father… your friends … and we hardly do it anymore." Kid tilted his head behind him implying that they weren't alone, which admittedly irritated her, but she didn't let it show and said, "She won't even notice. She's busy. Or … don't you love me anymore?"

"Of course I love ..." Kid exclaimed at once but did not get to finish the thought as Patricia´s lips captured his once again. The rider was feeling uncomfortable kissing his girlfriend so near to where Louise was. Yet, he let himself be led on by his fiancée. In truth, he enjoyed Patricia's kisses; she was so soft, so sweet and one of the most beautiful girls in the town to boot. However, when they kissed, Kid could not help but bring to mind the passionate moments he had lived with Lou. His head filled with her image and sometimes he felt he was actually kissing Louise other than his fiancée and more than once he caught himself in time from almost uttering her name aloud, which seared him with guilt.

After a few moments they pulled away. The girl smiled from ear to ear and Kid responded with a similar gesture. "I love you so much, Kid," she exclaimed and threw her arms round his neck, hugging him tightly. "You make me so happy," she whispered in his ear while Kid felt unable to say anything. The girl held him between her arms for a few moments and casting a glimpse over his shoulder her face creased into a frown and asked, "Where's she?"

"Uh?" Kid let out, pulling away and on turning around he realized that Louise wasn't on the spot next to the river. "Lou?" he called coming closer where she should have been. "Lou?" Looking around he did not see her anywhere and started to worry.

"Louise?" Patricia called coming behind the rider.

Kid turned to his girlfriend with a concerned expression and said in a strained voice. "Wait here. She can't have wandered off very far. I'll check that way." The girl nodded and the rider dashed down the river calling Lou's name repeatedly. Yet after checking up and down without finding a single trace of Louise, the rider was getting frantic with worry. Coming back where Patricia had been waiting, he exclaimed irritated not minding his language, "Where the hell is she?"

"Kid, please don't get so excited," the girl tried to appease him. "She was here a minute ago; she can't have disappeared like that!"

The rider stared at the deep and turbulent waters of the river and his heart skipped a beat, fearing the worst. Directing his fearful eyes back to Patricia he muttered in a trembling voice, "She couldn't have fallen into the river, could she?"

"We would've heard her, Kid! Her boots should still be here, and we were just a few feet away!"

"Gosh, Patricia! She's my responsibility! Why did you have to distract me?" Kid barked irritated with himself for not watching Louise more closely, but directing his fury towards his girlfriend.

"Forgive me for wanting to be with you!" the girl retorted in the same angered tone. "I'm just trying to help!" The rider tried to talk, ready to apologize. He shouldn't have vented his fears on Patricia because it wasn't really her fault what was happening. Even though he tried to talk, the girl did not let him get a word in edgeways. "I'm such a fool for being so soft with you! That would teach me! Shoulder your own damn problems and see if I care!"

Patricia swirled around angrily and stamped away, not giving Kid the opportunity to say anything. The rider felt the urge to call her and go after her, but since he knew he couldn't waste his precious time with anything when Lou was lost, he let her go without any protests. He needed to find Lou as soon as possible and like a madman he dashed along, looking everywhere in the area and bellowing her name over and over again. He was going crazy with worry as minutes went by and Lou was nowhere to be found.

Kid did not even want to contemplate the possibility that she might have fallen into the water. He had already run up and down the river bank several times without spotting anything suspicious floating. Yet, reaching the mouth where the river joined the lake Kid almost fell dead when he saw a shape suspended on the other side of the bank. A yelp escaped his lips, and he quickly plunged into the river, not even feeling the bitter cold of the waters on his skin and bones. Kid struggled to reach it, his strength waning by the minute as panic and bitterness overwhelmed him. His limbs felt stiff as he swam across the river, his eyes blurry and straining to focus. He could see the black shape ahead of him; Lou had been wearing a black coat and he feared the worst. With an almost supernatural effort he finally reached the other side of the river which was shallower and he could stand on his trembling feet. He waded the last few feet, water spurting from his clothes and he let out a big shout of relief when he got hold of the black shape and saw that it wasn't what he had feared. It was just an old and ragged cloak that somebody must have lost long ago. "Lou, where are you?" he said aloud with a sorrowful voice, dropping the garment onto the water again.

Panting he crossed again to the other side, intending to head home. There wasn't much more he could do on his own and soaked to the skin. He needed to enlist the help of his friends to find Louise, and he hoped that they could find her before night fell. His teeth were chattering and his whole body shivering as he ran towards the station. He cursed himself for being so careless; Rachel would have his hide when he told her that he had lost Lou. The Southerner suspected that Louise had taken advantage of his brief distraction to make her escape. It was no secret that she wasn't happy with renouncing her baby. She had even proposed him a plan to help her get away from her father and keep their child. The idea had probably been on her mind for a while, and she had just waited for the right opportunity to make her move.

The bunkhouse appeared before his eyes like an oasis for a thirsty man in the desert. Despite his tiredness, the rider quickened his steps, crossed the yard and reached the porch. The others were probably having their lunch right now. When he opened the door, he stopped short at the threshold and had to stifle a cry as his eyes instantly fell on Louise, quietly sitting at the table like every day. She was in the same position, with the same pose, her head ducked and her eyes downcast. Yet, she slowly lifted her head and for the first time in days she met his astounding gaze. Her eyes shone with something that Kid guessed was mocked satisfaction. The Southerner didn't know whether he wanted to kill or kiss her for finding her safe and sound. He had never been so scared in his whole life and watching her cocky and proud stance he was starting to get very angry.

Before he could say anything he heard Rachel's voice exclaimed, "Goodness me, Kid. What happened to you?" Noticing his pale complexion and his wet clothes and body, the lady threw a blanket over his shoulders and steered him next to the fireplace. "You're freezing and completely drenched, boy. I didn't even know you had gone out again after your walk with Louise. What happened to you?" she asked again.

Kid was now feeling the effects of his dive in the river. His head was starting to ache and he was trembling from head to toe. He ran his eyes over his friends who were watching him with open mockery, but he finally fixed his gaze on Louise and this time she did not look away either. "I … I fell into the river."

"Hell, Kid, what were you doing? Remember you have to stop when the ground changes color. You know, the blue thing is water," Cody let out with a smirk, which sent everybody tittering.

"You shush, Mr. Cody," Rachel scolded him firmly, "You could've died in those freezing waters, Kid," the station mistress continued with a worried countenance while she rubbed the rider's back with both her hands to make him warm up as soon as possible. The Southerner did not say a word and just kept sending glances at Lou, who still had that proud stance over herself. Despite his irritation, he didn't dare to tell the truth about what had actually happened. If he learned the truth, Boggs would surely forbid her leaving the bedroom once again, and Kid knew that after all it had been his fault. He shouldn't have let Patricia distract him. Besides, it hadn't been very respectful on his part to kiss Patricia in front of Lou. They shared common history and he should know the limits of decency and courtesy. Lou had really given him a lesson by disappearing and getting herself to the station in one piece. She was very clever and despite everything, Kid couldn't help but smile.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter XXXIV**

The incident down at the river forced Kid to stay in bed for three days after coming down with a slight fever, a nasty cough and chest infection. Rachel kept telling him that he had been very lucky not to have contracted pneumonia, which might have killed him, and the other riders did not waste any opportunity to mock and tease him for his clumsiness. After those three days he still had a cough and was feeling very weak, but he couldn't stay in his bunk any longer because the inactivity was making him climb the walls. Thankfully, Teaspoon had relieved him from the rides he had scheduled until he felt better and stronger. So his daily routine was now limited to doing chores around the station.

Like usual, Louise came to have her meals in the bunkhouse, but her attitude had not changed a bit. She kept as silent and sullen as a graveyard and looked absent-like. Yet, while Kid had been confined in bed due to his fever, she had looked his way with eyes that the Southerner swore he had spotted concern and even an apology in them. Kid was not sure whether her constant silence was kept on purpose or whether it was really another symptom of her mental disease. The day he had thought she had got lost Louise had looked as if she had been fully aware of what she had done. It was really confusing, and Kid wished she would let him come closer to her, but she never talked or looked his way as if she wasn't actually there.

The rider wondered how she had managed to pull that stunt on him the day they had gone for the walk. One minute she had peacefully been sitting on the river bank and then the next minute she was gone. Neither he nor Patricia had heard or noticed her sneaking away, and she had managed to reach the station unnoticed, which made Rachel believe that Kid had walked her there as he should. Under other circumstances the Southerner would have laughed at the ridiculous incident, but things were too grim now for that.

Lately he didn't feel like smiling or laughing and he lived with a constant pressure in his chest knowing where his life was leading to, and he knew that the feeling wouldn't disappear so easily. Things would turn even nastier in a few months' time. He didn't want to even imagine how it would be when the baby was born. It would naturally be a joy for him to hold his child in his arms for the first time, but what Boggs had planned for Louise was simply outrageous. Would he be able to stay impassive when they separated Lou from her baby and sent her back to the asylum? It would be simply atrocious, and his heart ached thinking of the moment. When Boggs had come up with the idea that Patricia would take the place that apparently Lou couldn't fulfill, Kid hadn't protested or said anything, but right now he felt terrible for going along with the man's suggestion. Of course all of them had been concerned about the baby's welfare, but what about Louise? Who cared for her welfare?

Every day Kid racked his brains trying to find a better solution, but nothing seemed satisfactory. If Lou could stay with Boggs and Rachel in Sweetwater, she'd still be able to be part of her baby's life until her conditions took her away. Kid was sure he could talk Patricia into settling down here instead of St. Louis. That way Lou could spend time with her child and get to know him or her. It could be an option, but Kid was well aware that it would never take place. Boggs would never consent to letting Louise stay in Sweetwater. The banker made no secret of his wish to get rid of his elder daughter's presence as soon as she gave birth, and there was no way they could convince him otherwise. The situation had no easy solution, and Kid lived in a constant pain, fearing the day he'd have to say good-bye to Lou forever.

After the three days he had been confined to bed, Kid went to see Patricia. He knew he owed her an apology after the way they had parted at the river. He shouldn't have snapped at her the way he had done, but he had been so frantic with worry over Louise that he hadn't been able to control himself and they had ended up in another tremendous fight. As a matter of fact, the Southerner was concerned about how things in their relationship were lately. They fought and argued a lot, and he didn't even remember the last time they had had a proper conversation without quarreling.

Yeah, Patricia talked and talked endlessly, but Kid had the impression that she didn't really hear the scarce comments he was able to sneak in her continuous monologue. Actually, she only seemed to perceive his words when they were at each other's throats. Kid hoped that this was not going to be the tune of their marriage because in that case they would definitely be doomed to failure.

The Southerner wondered whether they had rushed into making a decision they weren't ready for yet. They had barely been courting for a couple of months when he had found himself engaged to Patricia. In fact, neither knew much about the other, and Kid wished he could slow down the pace so that they could ponder about where they were going. Yet, he knew Patricia wouldn't welcome the idea and would have a fit if he suggested putting off the wedding for later. Besides, he couldn't just back out now when he also had the baby to think of.

When Kid visited Patricia at her place, she had received him with a logical cold bearing. However, it didn't take him long to get her defenses to crumble down and her coldness to melt away when he apologized. The Southerner had also managed to convince her that they should keep quiet about what had happened at the river. Even though it wasn't strictly true, he had told her that he would get into big trouble with Rachel and Boggs if they learned that he had been sloppy with Lou. In fact, he was more than concerned about the kind of trouble Louise might find herself in if Patricia let out what had actually happened that day. Luckily, his fiancée didn't make it difficult and didn't question his explanation.

Kid was finishing with hitching up the wagon to go to town at Rachel's request. They needed to drop by Tompkins for provisions like every other day. The station was practically deserted since everybody was busy with their responsibilities. Teaspoon had taken a prisoner to Fort Laramie, and had taken Jimmy with him; Ike, Noah, and Cody were away on runs, the children were at school, and Boggs was working at his bank like every single day. So apart from himself and Rachel, only Buck was around. The Southerner finished buckling the last straps on the horse's back when his Kiowa friend joined him in front of the bunkhouse.

"I don't know how I do it, but I always wind up going for provisions," Buck complained with a bitter gesture.

Kid smiled at his friend's exaggerated pout and added, "Not in the mood for loading the wagon later?"

"It ain't that. You know what Tompkins is like, and I don't really like having his eyes constantly on my neck when I'm in the store."

Kid nodded in understanding. Because of his background and heritage, Buck wasn't very well appreciated by the store owner and they had already had more than one disagreement. Kid understood that Tompkins had reasons to be sore after losing his daughter and his wife to the Indians for many years, but it was unfair for him to vent his frustration on Buck and blame him for all the wrongs in his life.

The sound of a door shutting reached their ears, and both riders turned to see Rachel stepping out of her house. Kid creased his brow in surprise when he spotted Lou following the station mistress. Boggs had made it clear that he didn't want Louise setting foot in town after the past incidents, and when Rachel reached the two riders, she explained that she couldn't leave Lou on her own at the station and risk a repeat of Christmas Eve. She would deal with John later.

"How are you, Lou?" asked Kid even though he knew she would not answer him. The rider couldn't help but stare at her figure in amazement. She was over four months along and was already showing.

Buck approached Rachel to help her onto the wagon, and Kid tried to do so with Lou, stretching his arm to her. Yet, Louise turned her back to him and hitching her skirt she struggled to get on the buckboard, purposely refusing his help. She sank down on the wagon seat, and folded her arms over her chest while Rachel and Kid exchanged a knowing look.

"Lou, since you're coming to town, we could pick up a few things for our baby from Tompkins, don't you think?" Kid asked, looking in her direction although Lou did not even turn her head towards him.

"That's a great idea!" Rachel piped up cheerfully. "That way you get to choose what you like, don't you, Louise?"

The girl kept looking ahead in the distance, unmoving and unresponding as if she was merely hearing the rain falling. Rachel shook her head wryly and taking the reins from Buck, she urged the horse forward while the two riders followed on their mounts.

When they reached town, Rachel stopped the wagon just in front of the general store, so that it would be easier to load the carriage later. The two women proceeded to walk into the mercantile with the two riders in tow. Rachel greeted Mr. Tompkins and a few other ladies while Lou followed her like an expressionless shadow. Kid wandered to the stands where the baby items were. He thought he could select some baby clothes, and later show them to Louise. Maybe a little gesture would cheer her up and snap her out of the stupor she was constantly in.

Rachel ambled up to the counter and gave Tompkins her shopping list while Lou discreetly stood behind her. "Those boys of yours swallow more than the entire army," the store owner remarked teasingly after scanning the contents of the paper.

Rachel giggled at the comment and said, "Tell me about it!"

Suddenly, a crash and a thump were heard inside the store, and they all turned to see a young man on the wooden floor having some kind of seizure. He was shaken by convulsions, his eyes tightly shut and his body thrashing powerfully. For a few seconds Rachel and everybody present stared at the scene stunned, not sure what to do and then Lou unexpectedly shot towards the boy and fell on her knees next to him. "Louise!" Rachel called in an urgent voice.

The girl turned a deaf ear to the woman, and with a strong push she moved the man away from the table over him, so that he did not get hurt or bump his head against it. Using her own fingers she forced his mouth open and placed a handkerchief she had quickly twisted around between his teeth, and then she pinned his arms down as best as she could, trying to keep him still but it was difficult to fight his strong thrashes.

"Can somebody please help me and hold his legs?" she barked loudly, her forehead glistening with sweat as she struggled to keep his body still. In a flash Tompkins crouched next to the man and clasped his legs firmly. Lou spoke in soothing tones while the convulsions and the thrashes started to lessen. "There's a good boy. It will pass soon. Very soon. Just hold on." Little by little as the girl had predicted the seizure subsided, and his movements stilled completely.

"Good boy, good boy," Louise said softly with a smile while she stroked both sides of his face with her hands. At the contact the man opened his eyes and surprised at finding the girl hovering over him, he kept staring at her as if he was seeing an apparition. Louise simply smiled, and then the sound of Tompkins's voice resounded in the store.

"Terry … how are you feeling, boy?" he asked, stretching a hand to help the young man up. He accepted his help and nodded without averting his gaze from Louise. Rachel helped the girl up to her feet and in that moment a middle-aged lady stormed into the store. "Terry! Terry!" she called in an urgent voice. "Oh God! What happened to you?"

"Like always, mother," the man answered, his voice still raspy and his body swinging since his two legs barely supported him.

"Let's take you to Doctor Barnes," the woman added and even though her son tried to protest, she did not let him have the chance to do so as she took him by the arm and started dragging him away towards the door while he still kept looking back at Louise.

When they were gone, Rachel turned to the girl. "Are you all right, Lou?" The woman was astonished by how confident Louise had acted just now and especially when she had heard her talk once again. Lou nodded stiffly at her question and Rachel added, "Let's finish our shopping now." The girl let her steer her back to the counter where there were a couple of women talking about what had just happened.

"It's just shameful, absolutely shameful. This town of ours is receiving more and more despicable people… It's becoming a lair for Indians, criminals, idiots… and now even freaks," one of them said with indignation.

At the comment Louise turned her big angry eyes towards the woman, and without giving it much thought, she barked, "How can you talk like that about a person who is apparently unwell? I'd be ashamed of myself if I were you! He's just a sick person, and if you were a good Christian woman, you'd have the decency to pity him rather than despise or call him terrible names!"

"How dare you!" the woman shrieked, her face red with anger. "Do you have the slightest idea who I am, girl?"

"Apparently somebody so full of yourself that might explode at any moment," Lou replied cockily, resting her hands on her hips.

"Louise!" Rachel scolded her strongly and turning to the woman she said, "Please, Mrs. Henson, accept our apologies. She didn't mean that."

"Of course I meant every word!" Lou snapped angrily, annoyed at Rachel for meddling. "And I ain't sorry for speaking my mind."

The station mistress silently begged the other woman to accept her apologies and grabbing Louise by the arm she steered her away from the spot. "We'd better get out of here," she said curtly. Even though she had been pleasantly surprised by how Lou had helped with that boy, her rudeness and her insults to the mayor's wife were uncalled for. "Seems your tongue got unstuck all of a sudden, doesn't it?" Rachel remarked dryly. Louise simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference and the older woman continued, "Louise why do you have to be like this? Rude, impertinent, bad-mannered. You know your father won't be too pleased when he hears you've badmouthed the mayor's wife?"

Louise stopped her movements, and directing her furious eyes to the woman she barked, "Do I give you the impression I care, Rachel? Cause honestly I don't give a damn!"

With a strong tug she released her arm from the station mistress's hold and stomped out of the store, leaving Rachel behind. When she was outside, somebody called her name and turning around her anger boosted when she realized who it was.

"Lou …" Kid called again with a smile. He felt so relieved and glad after hearing her voice again that he never even noticed the glare she sent in his direction, and he repeated her name in a whisper, relishing in the sound of it as he came closer to her. "Lou…"

"Will you stop pestering me and leave me alone?" Louise snarled furiously while Kid stared at her dumbfounded. "I don't want to talk to you because there's nothing I have to tell you!"

In a flash she swirled around and got on the wagon with a proud stance. Kid stared at her, hurt by her words and slightly irritated. He had been beside himself with worry when she had simply avoided talking to him on purpose. Of course he understood that she was angry with him and … even with Rachel, but what about everybody else? She had given the same silent treatment to his fellow riders, Teaspoon or anybody who came her way. Was she sore with the whole world for leaving her alone on Christmas Eve? Maybe that was the case because Kid couldn't think of any other reason why she could be so annoyed. The rider could understand her irritation; it must have been so terribly frightening for her when she found herself on her own and suffering those pains. Kid had tried to apologize to her and begged for her forgiveness, but she wasn't willing to even hear him. The rift between them was getting bigger and bigger and he felt he was unable to do anything to mend it.

A couple of hours later the Express family sat for lunch like every day. Cody and Ike had returned from their runs earlier that morning and joined the others at the meal table. As it was customary, Boggs and the children didn't come back from town till later in the afternoon. Louise was sitting on her usual place at one corner of the table next to Ike. Since the morning at the store she had not said a single word again and all the way from town to the station she had returned to her now so common aloofness.

Rachel served her rice with mushrooms while the riders made small talk quietly. At some point Cody turned his attention to Lou and said, "Louise, I heard you gave a good lesson to that pompous Mrs. Henson."

"Cody…" the station mistress admonished as she sat down across from Lou.

"Come on, Rachel. Don't tell me you don't think she's a presumptuous, puffed-up woman who looks down her nose at everybody just because she's the mayor's wife. It was high time somebody took her down a peg or two. I'd love to have seen that." The rider turned back to the girl and asked, "Tell us what you told her, Lou."

"Don't bother yourself, Cody," Kid piped in sarcastically. "The cat ate her tongue once again."

Louise directed her angry eyes to the rider and glared at him in silence. She was seething with fury and felt a strong urge to jump over the table and squeeze his neck between her hands with all her might. How dare he ridicule her and her problems? She had more than enough reasons to feel as rotten as she did. All of them handling her like a puppet, as though she was nothing, at their beck and call. Now stay locked in the room, now let's walk her like a caged dog, now let's feed her… And that jackass had the nerve to question her with his narrow-minded measures. If he had to live a single second, just a single second of her foul life, he wouldn't even be able to stand on his two legs. Nobody understood her, nobody.

They were all a bunch of idiots that didn't have the first idea what it meant to be in her shoes. How could anybody dare to judge her with their simple minds? They had an easy and problem-free existence. It made her literally sick to hear their conversations around the bunkhouse table and their silly worries. And Kid was the worst of them all. He tried to look as if he actually cared, with his soft words, his stupid presents, and at the same time he was doing untold damage to her already dented and bruised life. How the hell did he think she should feel?

She was well damned and might have nothing, but she still had her dignity and nobody would dictate how she should feel. Nobody. But she was so stupid! When he had been sick in bed after their little adventure at the river, she had felt guilty for putting him in that predicament. What an idiot! It had served him right! That day he had shamelessly flaunted that woman in front of her, hugging her, touching her, kissing her as if she didn't exist. Didn't he have a heart or a brain inside his body or was he just a hollow mass of skin and bones? She had her feelings and he knew she had loved him deeply. She was such a fool… yeah, a fool in love. It was high time she did something to forget her stupid infatuation, or else he'd trample over her underfoot and still she'd be thanking him for noticing her.

Lou had been so concentrated in her flow of thoughts that she never heard a knock on the door, noticed Rachel answering it or perceived an unknown voice in the bunkhouse. It was when her name was uttered that she lifted her head form her plate and saw Rachel standing next to a young man, who was looking her way. He was fairly tall, slender, around her own age, had brownish hair and Lou could say that he was quite handsome. His face looked vaguely familiar, but she did not know quite why.

"Louise," Rachel started, "Mr. Barton here came to see you."

The girl rose to her feet and looked at the man warily, wondering what this man wanted from her. "Miss McCloud," he said walking a few steps towards her, "I wanted to thank you for your help at the store this morning. I never got the chance to talk to you. By the way, my name's Terry Barton."

He stretched his arm towards her, but Louise simply kept a serious countenance and did not move a muscle. She sometimes felt like a wild animal, afraid and wary of anybody coming a bit too close. This was the same man as this morning, but he looked different which made her behave cautiously. Terry lowered his arm awkwardly when it was clear that she wasn't going to greet him and added, "Not many people know how to act when I have a blackout."

For the first time Louise dared to talk and said, "Uh … in the place where I live … uh … I know some people who suffer from something similar."

"I was lucky then," he said with a smile. "You know, it wasn't the first time it happened, but never before had I come round to find an angel." Louise blushed at the comment and lowering her eyes she uttered a very faint "thanks". "I hope you don't believe I'm what people call a freak of nature. Many even think that I have the very devil inside my body."

Louise stared at the young man with open curiosity, suddenly feeling a strange affinity with him. "Uh… no, of course not. People often only see what they want to see, and don't care to look for what is clear as a sunny day," she replied with an uncertain voice. "I know it's just something … uh … medical."

Terry smiled brightly as if he had received the greatest news in his life and then Rachel broke in, "Would you care to join us for lunch, Mr. Barton?"

"Thanks, Ma'am," he replied tilting his head politely. "I'm afraid I have to decline your kind invitation, but mother's waiting for me. Maybe on another occasion." He turned back to Louise and added, "Thank you for everything, Miss McCloud. Maybe I'll be lucky again and see you around soon."

The girl simply gave him a half smile. She doubted that he would see her again any sooner. Her going to town had been something exceptional, and she expected that she'd never set foot in Sweetwater again. Yet, she didn't mention any of this and to mend her initial rudeness she stretched her arm to him while she said with a tiny smile, "It's just Louise."

To her utter surprise instead of the handshake she expected, the man brought her hand to his lips and planted a kiss on it. Then he bid the other people in the room goodbye and walked out. For a few minutes Louise felt unable to move; she was blushing to the roots of her hair; this man's words and strange actions had made her feel very shy, embarrassed and uncomfortable. After a beat she turned around back to her seat and saw Kid staring at her with an annoyed expression as if silently admonishing her. His disgraceful attitude angered her beyond measure and forgetting her awkwardness of seconds ago she lifted her chin in a proud pose.

Kid had watched the exchange between Lou and that Terry with growing irritation. That man had shamelessly been flirting with Lou … his Lou. Fine, she wasn't his in any sense, but she was the mother of his child. Hadn't that man seen that she was pregnant? How could anybody make passes to an expecting woman? What kind of a man was he? And Lou had played along, accepting his stupid compliments and blushing like a little girl. The fury he already felt for her attitude boosted with this new incident and as he watched her proud pose, the comment shot out of his mouth before he could think what he was actually saying. "Don't look so pleased. As soon as he learns you're just a nutcase, the world won't be big enough for him to hide from you."

At the comment the bunkhouse turned dead silent. Louise stared at him while her eyes filled with tears and she barked, "Go to hell!" In a flash Lou dashed out of the bunkhouse, feeling as if her heart was breaking into tiny pieces.

"Kid!" Rachel exclaimed in a scolding tone, her eyes full of fury, once she was over the shock.

As soon as the words had escaped his lips, the Southerner realized his mistake. "Oh God! I'm such an idiot!" he exclaimed ruefully, covering his face with his right hand. He wanted to kick himself senseless and seeing the pain he had caused Lou with his insensitive remark broke his heart. "I … I didn't mean it. Honestly. I don't know what came over me."

"Kid, my friend, you two look more and more like an old married couple," Cody piped up with a smirk. "Fighting all the time without even saying a word."

The quip didn't sit well with the Southerner, who glared at his blonde friend angrily, while Buck said, "Will you please stop poking your nose in his business, Cody!"

"I was just …" the blonde rider tried to excuse himself, but Rachel did not let him say anything further.

"You four finish your lunch and I'll go talk to Louise," she said with a firm tone and directing her eyes to Kid she added, "And Kid… I'll expect you to apologize to Lou later. That comment was uncalled for."

The rider nodded with a somber expression, and Cody couldn't help but add another two cents, "That'll be if she lets him come close to her without putting his health in danger." At the comment Ike whacked him on the head as he let out a loud "ouch".

Kid simply stretched his lips in a bitter gesture, knowing that his friend was definitely right. With those unfortunate words he had hammered the last nail on the wall that separated him from Louise. She would never talk to him again, and Kid couldn't say that he blamed her. He had dug his own grave, and it served him right.

Rachel walked out of the bunkhouse and when she reached the house, she found Louise in her bedroom, sprawled head down on the bed while muffled sobs racked her young body. Rachel sat down on the edge and stroked her back softly. On feeling her touch Lou turned her tear-streaked face to the woman. "He only thinks I'm a mad woman, only that," she muttered with a cracking voice.

"That ain't so, honey, and you know it."

"Of course! I'm also the mad woman carrying his child!" Lou barked, hitting the mattress with her fists and shifting in the bed so that her back leaned against the headboard.

"I know that what Kid said was plain cruel, but I'm sure he didn't mean it, honey," Rachel tried to soothe her.

"He's nothing but a moron! I wish I could yank him out of my heart but I can't! I can't!" Louise exclaimed passionately, gesticulating with her hands over her chest. "And he's so damn confusing … sometimes he acts as if he actually cared for me … for my friendship … but then the next minute he stabs and pounds me so painfully I wanna die!"

"Kid does care for you, honey, but it ain't easy for him either."

"He could've fooled me," the girl added with a bitter gesture.

"He was annoyed just now. Don't take what he said to heart."

"Annoyed?" Lou repeated with big eyes. "Why on earth?" She paused and then added sarcastically. "Oh yeah, poor little thing! He has such a hard life that it breaks my heart!"

"Lou, he was jealous," Rachel simply said.

"Jealous?" the girl let out in disbelief. "Jealous of what?"

"Of you, of course!" Louise stared at her in surprise and Rachel continued, "Honey, you should know that all men turn into these possessive creatures when they feel threatened. You carrying his baby makes him think you're somewhat his…" When Lou looked at her as if she had been punched in the stomach, the woman turned to explain herself better, "I mean that you're … uh … connected… joined together by your baby. So when a handsome man comes flirting with you under his very nose, he just can't help himself."

"That's nonsense," Louise exclaimed as if Rachel's explanation was an atrocity. "Nobody can flirt with me. Nobody has ever done that!"

"Honey, this is telling me a very different story," Rachel remarked with a smile, patting the girl's growing middle.

"That's because he took what he wanted!" Lou barked loudly, but as soon as she vented her fury, she felt deflated and said in a soft tone, "No, that ain't true. He didn't take. I practically had to beg him. He didn't want to." Louise shook her head wry and added in a very soft voice, "I've complicated his life beyond measure. No wonder he hates me so much."

"Lou, Kid doesn't hate you. He doesn't even resent you," Rachel contradicted her.

"But I do!" Lou exclaimed loudly again, her mood changing again, as she jumped out of the bed. "I just want him to leave me alone! It hurts too much just seeing him. I'm having his baby, a baby I have no claim over, and he still has the nerve to judge me and never stops pestering with his silliness! Man, let me be and go bugging your precious girlfriend!"

Rachel couldn't help but let out a peal of laughter at the comment. Louise stared at her with curiosity as if despite the heated conversation they had, she was aware of the lady's presence for the first time. Rachel rose to her feet and approached the girl. "Louise, you know I'm very fond of you and I really miss you. Can't we start over and be friends again?"

Lou stared back at her for a few moments, and then she said, "I don't know, Rachel. Being friends with me means to go against my father. He's your husband and I'm not worth it … I won't stay here much longer anyways." Rachel wanted to protest. She didn't have to ask John for permission about who she could or could not befriend as if she were a little girl. Of course he was her husband, but she made her own decisions and no man has ever ruled her before. As she had said, she really missed Lou and now that the girl had started talking again, Rachel wanted to take her out of that isolation she had immersed herself in. It hurt her to see Louise so lonely, in her own world, but before the woman could say anything further, Louise said, "Rachel, please, leave me alone."

The station mistress watched as the girl turned around from her and sat down back on the bed, her back to Rachel. The woman stood rooted to the spot she had been standing at for a few more seconds and then she silently nodded her consent and walked out.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter XXXV**

"Mr. Lloyd is arriving today," Boggs said as he fastened his cufflinks and straightened his jacket before the mirror in his bedroom.

"I know, darling. It's the umpteenth time you've told me," answered Rachel while fluffing up the pillows on their bed. "John, you got to pull yourself together. You've been skittish all week."

"Rachel, Mr. Lloyd is a very important man. He's the director of our head office in St. Joseph and my immediate superior. You know, I've been working my fingers to the bone for the last weeks making sure there are no mistakes in my books when he checks everything in our bank. How can I not be nervous? I can't allow any slips."

"Everything will be fine," added Rachel coming behind her husband and brushing a few fallen hairs off the shoulders of his impeccable jacket. "You're a meticulous manager, too meticulous if you ask me, and that man will be very impressed by your skills."

The woman planted a soft kiss on his cheek, which provoked a smile in the banker. He spun around and slid his hands round his wife's waist while she hooked hers around his neck. "He'll be totally impressed when he sees what a beautiful woman my wife is tonight at dinner," he quipped before brushing his lips over hers in a sultry kiss. When they pulled away, Boggs added, "Speaking of which, don't forget that Louise…"

"I know, I know," Rachel retorted, cutting him off and disengaging herself from his hold. "Louise is to stay in her room tonight. No need to remind me."

"We don't want her to make another scene of hers in front of Mr. Lloyd," Boggs remarked dryly. "I'm still suffering the consequences of her last stunt at Tompkins. The mayor doesn't miss a single chance to mention the incident to me whenever he can. Thankfully he's been very understanding, considering the humiliation his wife had to endure."

Rachel let out a weary sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest. "John, don't you think you're exaggerating? Mrs. Henson ain't the most likeable person in Sweetwater. No wonder her hideous comment set off somebody like Louise who has no constraint over her own reactions."

"I don't care, Rachel. She is the mayor's wife and who pays the consequences? Not that crazy girl, but me!" The station mistress tried to speak up but her husband did not let her. "Look, Rachel. Let's not talk about this anymore. I don't want to get into a foul mood … especially today. Just make sure she's not around when I come home with Mr. Lloyd." The man leaned over to give his wife a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'll see you later."

Rachel did not reply and stood in the middle of the bedroom while her husband walked out. She did not really share his concerns about Louise. Tonight would not be much different from their usual dinners in the bunkhouse, and Mr. Lloyd's presence would not disturb Lou's normality at all. Whatever happened, the girl did not turn a single hair and seemed impassive to anything. At least even though curt and cold, she was speaking up more and had come out of her spell of total silence. Of course Lou hardly ever talked on her own initiative, but always answered everything Rachel asked her.

The situation between her and Kid, though, was tense to say the least. After the rider's unfortunate comment a few days ago, he had apologized to her repeatedly, but Louise constantly kept a proud pose, and had not even looked him in the eye when he tried to ask for her forgiveness. Since then she had not talked a single word to him, and the days Kid went for a walk with her, she acted as if he did not exist. Rachel had tried to mediate between the two, but it had been useless. Louise was the most stubborn person she had ever come across with and even though the station mistress had used any reason under the sun to convince her that she shouldn't be so hard with Kid, Lou had turned a deaf ear to her.

Rachel finished tidying her bedroom, and like every day she dropped by Lou's room before going downstairs to prepare breakfast for the children. The woman knocked lightly at the door, and then slid inside. Louise was fastening the last buttons of her dress and looked up apathetically when she heard the woman step in.

"Morning!" she greeted cheerfully as she usually did. "How are you feeling today, honey?"

"Fine," Lou replied in the same curt tone as she crossed the length of the room. Without saying a word she sat down before the dresser and started brushing her chestnut hair neatly, which now nearly reached her shoulders.

"Your hair's grown quite a lot, Louise," Rachel remarked from behind. "I remember it was so beautiful and long when you first came here."

Lou did not pay her any heed and continued running the brush through her brownish hair. The station mistress approached her, placing herself behind the chair which the girl was sitting on. "Louise," she started dubiously, looking at her stepdaughter through the mirror, "tonight we're having a guest … your father's big boss. He's coming to dinner and …"

"The mad woman needs to be kept hidden," the girl spitefully finished the thought for the station mistress, showing a detached and impassive countenance. "We can't allow the great Mr. John Boggs to flaunt his shame in front of his distinguished mates. He has a reputation to keep up, doesn't he?" she added sarcastically, mimicking a too formal tone, pronouncing each word very slowly.

"Louise …"

"What? Ain't that the truth?" Lou asked, putting the brush down with a loud thump and rising to her feet. "I don't really care about your silly excuses, Rachel. You don't need to sell my father to me. I know what he's like. So let's stop fooling around and call a spade a spade. I'm sick and tired of all this hypocrisy!"

Rachel felt disarmed by the girl's clear statement. What she had said, even though a bit too rough, was basically true and there were no words she could use to defend her husband and his decision. The woman walked to her side and passing her arm over Lou's back she said, "It'll be only for tonight." The girl shrugged her shoulders in indifference and Rachel added, "I'll get breakfast ready for your siblings and I'll come back when they leave for school, all right?"

"I ain't going anywhere," Louise replied curtly, which, even though not intended as a joke, provoked a smile in the station mistress while she swept outside.

The girl stood looking at the closed door with a pained expression. She would give anything in her power to be able to see and talk to her siblings as they used to before her mock attack to Patricia. Louise only got to see them coming and going from her window and she missed them so much that it physically hurt. However, the contact was not completely dead at least with Theresa. When no one was around, Theresa knocked three times as a sign and then they usually talked though the door. It had begun when she had first been locked up in the room all the time, and now that Rachel didn't lock her door anymore, they still kept doing the same. Louise did not want anything more than open up and hug her little sister, but she would not risk them being found out. Theresa would get into trouble with Boggs, and she couldn't allow that. On one occasion he had almost caught them, but fortunately he had bought Tessie's fib and nothing happened. Louise enjoyed listening to her sister's sweet voice behind the door as she asked her about the baby and told her that she didn't want her ever to leave. Her talks were brief and very far in between, but it was one of the very few things that brought her some joy right now, one of the things that gave sense to her pathetic and sad life.

* * *

"Mr. Boggs, I'm really impressed by your impeccable management of the Sweetwater Bank," Mr. Lloyd said with a smile as he sat at the tall man's desk after having had a look at the documents he had in front of him. "Not many people manage to impress somebody as demanding and fussy as myself."

Boggs smiled proudly and added, "Well, let me tell you that you'll be even more pleased when you try my wife's cooking tonight. She's the best in the territory."

The man rose to his feet while he said, "Then we'd better get going. I can't wait to taste your missus's wonders …" Realizing how the comment had sounded, Mr. Lloyd hurried to correct himself in time. "I mean … her cuisine."

Boggs couldn't help but laugh at the remark, and the other man also joined his mirth. The banker had been stiff and uncomfortable with his visitor, but his words had managed to break the frozen atmosphere between them, at least temporary. Both men grabbed their coats from the rack and left the bank after locking up the building. They headed for the end of the street where Boggs had left the buckboard and as they walked side by side, Mr. Lloyd said, "I have to admit I've heard a lot about you."

"Have you?" The man nodded and Boggs added, "I hope nothing too bad."

"On the contrary. Everybody talks highly of you, especially in this town. The fella at the store says you're a well-appreciated neighbor by everybody." Boggs sent him a curious look but said nothing. It irritated him that this man had been asking around about him as he had practically admitted. He naturally had nothing to hide. His life was an open book … sometimes too open and he had no secrets … at least no secrets that were anybody's business. What did this old fox want to find out? All he needed to know was that he was one of the best managers ever working for him. His personal life was private, and something Boggs couldn't stand was gossips and busybodies.

At Boggs's silence Mr. Lloyd took this cue to continue after a while, "I've been told that your home is a Pony Express station, Mr. Boggs."

"That's right," he replied breezily. "My wife is the housekeeper there, takes care of all those boys."

"Those riders are reputed to be national heroes."

Boggs snickered at the comment. The job the boys had to do every day was extremely risky and dangerous, to say the least, but it was difficult to match that image so often repeated in the press with the rambunctious and rowdy group of youngsters who he and his family lived with. "You'll meet a few of them tonight. I hope they live up to your expectations."

"I'm sure they will," the man remarked with a smile.

On their way to the station Boggs drove the wagon while Mr. Lloyd did not stop talking a single second, praising the landscape they went through or simply making casual comments. The tall banker simply nodded or used monosyllables while trying to keep up with the man's verbosity. At some point Mr. Lloyd directed his eyes to his colleague and said, "Can I ask you a personal question, Mr. Boggs?"

"Certainly," the man replied with a bit of hesitation.

"You have children of your own, don't you?"

"Oh yes," Boggs answered, smiling at the reference of his offspring, his joy and pride. "By my first wife. A boy and a girl. Jeremiah is twelve years old and my Theresa is ten."

Mr. Lloyd gazed at him curiously and after a moment's hesitation he added, "You have another daughter, don't you?"

Boggs's eyes hardened, and his whole body stiffened at the comment. It took him a few seconds to answer and when he did, there was a steel quality in his voice. "Yes, I do. Louise but she's …"

"Unwell?"

"You could say that," Boggs replied curtly as he was feeling the fury bubbling inside him. He hated so much to be connected to her for life, but that was his personal punishment that God had sent him for something he wasn't sure he had done. She wasn't his real daughter, but for love to his late wife he had been forced to shoulder a burden that should have fallen onto somebody else. Because of Mary Louise and to respect her memory, Boggs had had to acknowledge her elder daughter as his during all these years when all he really wanted was to shout that she didn't belong to him, that she wasn't blood of his blood nor flesh of his flesh. She brought about the worst in him and even made him do things unthought-of in somebody like him. "She got … uh … into trouble and is spending a few months with us; otherwise she's usually in an asylum … I mean, a mental home."

"It must be very hard for you to see your own daughter in that condition," Mr. Lloyd remarked.

Boggs did not reply to the comments and instead said, "You don't need to worry about her. She won't be bothering us with her … peculiarities tonight. We'll have a nice and uneventful dinner."

"Please do not feel forced to keep your girl away for my sake," Mr. Lloyd replied and after a brief pause he added, "As a matter of fact, I was hoping to meet her and maybe … you wouldn't object to my having a little conversation with her."

Boggs stared at him with a puzzled frown and exclaimed, "Whatever for?"

"Let me tell you, Mr. Boggs, the human mind is the most mysterious and fascinating organ in our body," the man explained. "Since very young, I always felt that I was destined to work and help those less unfortunate. Actually I wanted to become a doctor for the mentally ill. That was my real vocation, but back then my parents had higher plans for me and forced me to devote my life to what they regarded as a true and profitable career. My vocation was doomed to become just a hobby. For years I've read everything published on the subject, but nothing's more enlightening than to see with your own eyes and listen with your own ears to the poor victims of a mental disease. I've kept notes of those I have happened to meet, and I'd really love to have a talk with your daughter."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Boggs replied, uncomfortable with the man's suggestion. "Louise can be quite hard to deal with."

"They all are. She won't be the first person in those conditions I have come across," Mr. Lloyd replied seriously. "Mr. Boggs, I give you my word that it's not my intention to mock or laugh at your daughter. I assure you I have the greatest respect and concern for your problem. You have every right to refuse my request, of course, but I'd really love to meet her."

Boggs kept a serious countenance for a few moments. He couldn't help but think that Mr. Lloyd was a very weird fella with some very peculiar tastes. He first felt inclined to make up an excuse and get out of this mess. Yet, he was his superior, and it would look odd if he just refused to let him have his stupid talk or even see Louise. He didn't want to get on bad terms with his boss because of such an unimportant matter, so despite himself he eventually found himself nodding his head in agreement.

When the two men reached the station, Boggs introduced the riders to Mr. Lloyd. The man amicably started talking to all of them with glee, which contrasted with his colleague's cold bearing. Inside the bunkhouse Boggs made the introduction of his wife. Mr. Lloyd politely kissed the lady's hand while he said, "Mrs. Boggs, your husband told me about your fine cooking skills, but he never mentioned that he had such a beautiful wife."

"Thank you," Rachel replied, amused at the man's grandiloquent ways. He reminded her of Teaspoon, only that Mr. Lloyd was unmistakably a city man.

"Today my young children are spending the night at some school friends', I'm afraid," Boggs informed him.

Mr. Lloyd nodded, and the station mistress said, "Well, let's all sit down to dinner." Tonight the bunkhouse looked more finely decorated than ever before. Rachel had covered the long table with a beautiful embroidered tablecloth, part of her trousseau, and they were going to use new cutlery, glassware, and even china plates for the occasion. The table was completed with flowers and candles along it. Boggs had wanted everything to be perfect to make a good impression on his visitor.

The riders except Buck and Cody, who were on runs, sat on the bench around the table while Boggs sat between Jimmy and Mr. Lloyd, who had skillfully placed himself opposite the only empty space at the table.

"Rachel," Boggs said with his eyes downcast while he placed the napkin over his lap, "could you pick up Louise now?"

The station mistress cast a surprised look at her husband. "What?"

"You heard me," the man simply said, meeting her eyes with an I'll-explain-it-later kind of look, and without further ado Rachel excused herself and went to do as her husband had told her to. She didn't know why this sudden change of plans, but she was glad that Louise would be able to join the family for dinner.

Without a single word, Lou followed Rachel when she explained to the girl that the plans had changed, and she would have her dinner in the bunkhouse like every day. The two women walked in silence and as soon as she stepped inside, Louise noticed a strange man sitting at the table. He was a stout fella, a bit older than her father, with a chubby face, piggy eyes, a bulbous nose and a silly smile on his mouth. He was looking her way with interest, which instantly make Louise felt very uncomfortable, so she ducked her head and sat down on the bench just opposite the man.

As soon as there was food on her plate, the girl focused her whole attention on it. Conversation flowed around her, but she did not hear a single word of it. Yet, it did not go unnoticed how the man was constantly staring at her and she could almost feel his eyes touching her. Tired and a bit nervous of his constant gaze upon her, she couldn't stand it any longer and lifting her head she shot him an angry stare while she exclaimed, "What the hell are you ogling at?"

Boggs was about to throw her a caustic remark but Mr. Lloyd motioned him to let him handle the situation and said, "Forgive my rudeness, Miss Louise. It wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable." The girl listened to him without much zeal but the man continued regardless. "Actually I was looking forward to meeting you. Maybe after dinner we could go somewhere more private and have a little conversation."

"Like hell I will!" Lou bellowed, her eyes wide in sheer terror. "I ain't going anywhere with you!"

"You'll do as you're told!" Boggs snarled, matching the girl's tone of voice.

"You can't force me to do anything. I ain't thirteen anymore!"

Mr. Lloyd hurried to cool down tempers and said, "Please, Miss Louise. We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to. We could have a conversation just here. If you could kindly answer some questions about …"

"I ain't crazy," Lou stated firmly, foreseeing what this man had in mind.

"Aren't you?"

"If I were crazy, I wouldn't be able to keep quiet and all docile before this bunch of idiots and a stupid trained monkey like a hypocrite." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she let out a loud, sarcastic guffaw, throwing her head backwards and clapping her hands. "My, my, I've just insulted everybody in just one go without anybody turning a hair. You know, with being mad you get away with certain things. It's kinda amusing sometimes," she said addressing the man opposite her.

"I thought you said you weren't crazy," Mr. Lloyd pointed out.

Louise stared at the man for a few seconds, and then replied his comment with a matter-of-fact attitude. "Everybody is not right here in the head to some extent," she said tapping on her right temple with one of her index fingers. "Nobody is safe from it. Ain't it just insane to risk your neck every day just for a handful of bucks, give away your whole life to a man you don't really know or …?" As she talked, she ran her eyes around the bunkhouse table, resting them on the riders and Rachel pointedly and they finally lingered on her father on purpose; she noticed how uncomfortable he looked. He was practically sweating, and had an expression of fear in his countenance. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, feeling invigorated by the strange sense of power she had at the moment. Her father was afraid, frightened of what she could say before this other man. Louise sent him a satisfied grin and she did not finish the thought but instead she said, "There wouldn't be enough asylums to lock everybody away."

"But you are in one and we aren't. That's a difference, isn't it?" Mr. Lloyd commented again and Lou simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "Please tell us, Miss, what is the reason of that difference? Why do you think you are in a mental home and we aren't?"

Louise's eyes darted to her father for just a brief moment and then she shifted them to the man opposite her, glaring at him dangerously. "That's none of your business. Stick your nose in your own damn matters and leave me alone!"

That was the last thing Lou said for the rest of the dinner, and she simply focused her attention on the food on her plate despite Lloyd's several attempts to hog her interest. The meal was soon over and the night's guest thanked his hosts for their kindness and a delightful evening.

"If you're ready, Mr. Lloyd, I'll drive you to the hotel," Boggs offered as he crossed to the pegs where he had left his coat and hat.

"Don't bother yourself. I can perfectly walk to town."

"It's a long way from here to Sweetwater," Kid added.

"If you prefer, you can borrow one of our horses to ride to town."

"That's a good idea, Jimmy," Rachel exclaimed with a smile.

"You sure you don't mind?" Mr. Lloyd asked.

"Course not!" replied the station mistress. "We've got plenty."

"Then it's my lucky day," the man quipped with a grin. "Not only have I had the opportunity to talk to real Pony Express riders, but get to ride one of their fine horses."

Before anybody could get ahead of him, Kid quickly said, "Let me walk you to the stables and saddle a horse for you, Mr. Lloyd." The Southerner wanted to ask the man something, and this was his opportunity to do so without curious eyes around. Mr. Lloyd seemed to know quite a big deal about what went wrong in people's minds so as to be considered mentally ill. He might solve the doubts that nobody, not even Boggs, had managed to give him an explanation about.

Mr. Lloyd voiced his thanks to the rider and bid goodbye to the rest. Before following Kid out of the bunkhouse, he turned to Lou, who was the only one still sitting, her elbows on the table, her head resting on her hands and her eyes looking at some unspecific point ahead of her. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Miss Louise. Forgive me if I have offended you in any way."

The girl just sent him an impassive look, but did not say a word. The man and Kid proceeded to leave for the stables and when the door clicked shut behind them, Louise rose to her feet, her chin up in the air in a proud pose, and she kept staring at Boggs with an amused expression she did not try to conceal.

"What are you looking at, girl?" the banker asked gruffly.

Louise walked a few steps closer to the man and answered in a cocky fashion, a smile tugging at her lips, "You. You're nothing but a pathetic little man."

As soon as the words escaped her lips, a stinging slap hit her tender cheek, making her almost stumble. "John!" Rachel exclaimed in shock while she brought her arm around the girl's shoulders while Noah tried to restrain the man who looked beside himself with rage.

Louise rubbed her sore face with her hand while she chuckled with a maddening quality and glanced at him fixedly, "I ain't afraid of you anymore. You hear me? You can snub me, scorn me, humiliate me or beat me to death but I'll never be afraid of you again. Never again!" Tonight it had been an eye-opener to her. All her life Boggs had been this imposing and frightening figure, the nightmare in her dreams, the ogre in her tales, the darkness in her soul. She now realized that he was a cowardly and sorry man who almost wetted himself in front of that little gentleman who was his boss. Lou swore that she would never stoop before him or act like a little scared girl. The bonds linking her to this man had been broken a long time ago, and she now needed to free her soul from this ghost that had dominated her whole life, her whole existence.

Before tempers flared any more, Rachel almost dragged the girl out of the bunkhouse. Lou did not put up a fight and let herself be steered along without losing the smirk that had settled on her face. The station mistress was tired of getting in the middle of this battlefield, of this cruel game between her husband and the girl. Lately Louise was more of an enigma than what she usually was. She went from one extreme to the other. Either she didn't speak a single word for days, or she let her tongue roll without restraints.

Tonight she had proved how downright rude she could be, first with Mr. Lloyd and then with her father. Rachel admitted that she could be so witty when she talked that she had practically left Mr. Lloyd and everybody else speechless. The station mistress didn't know what was worse either the moments Louise turned into an inscrutable block of ice or when she was in a caustic and chatty mood. Her tongue was extremely sharp and tonight she had crossed the dangerous line with her father. Rachel had never seen John so furious before, and he had looked as if he had wanted to kill her. The blonde station mistress hoped that tonight's eventful dinner wouldn't mean any more problems. John got so difficult to deal with when he was in one of his moods and for once Rachel just wished some peace in her household. Nothing more, just a little peace.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kid had walked Mr. Lloyd to the stables, and when the man had a look inside, he showed a genuine interest and looked very impressed by the beautiful and fine horses housed in the building. He ambled along the corridor between the stalls, staring and praising the animals while Kid sauntered by his side.

"Mr. Lloyd?" the rider called at some point, and when the man turned his eyes towards him, he added, "May I ask you something?"

"Sure you can," the man responded promptly, leaning his hips against a stall door. "What is it?"

"It's got to do with Lou … Louise," the rider replied awkwardly. "I'm really concerned about her … welfare and…"

"You care for her," the man finished for him, showing his white teeth in a smile.

Kid nodded in admittance, blushing at the same time. "You sound as if you know a lot about … her kind of problems and I was wondering … Is there a way … a possibility she could get better?"

"That's difficult to say. Actually I can't answer your question. I'm no doctor," Mr. Lloyd replied truthfully. "Experts say that some cases are treatable while others are simply lost causes."

"But how can you be sure?" the rider insisted.

"I don't know," the man admitted. "I guess it depends on many factors. Research in mental health is progressing real quickly these days and the attitude towards these poor souls is changing radically. In more and more hospitals they're now treated as the sick people they actually are and not like the scum of society as they used to be regarded not so long ago."

Kid listened to the man carefully, lingering in each word he uttered. "I have the impression Louise ain't well cared for in that place … in that asylum."

"It's not surprising," Mr. Lloyd let out morosely. "Most mental homes are still dungeons to keep their internees away from "normal" people. Luckily things are changing, but these changes aren't spreading in all areas likewise." The man kept thoughtful for a moment and then unclasped the leather bag he was carrying. After rummaging inside for a few seconds, he finally produced a book, which he handed to Kid. "Here. Take this."

The rider read the title and the author on the cover. _"Medical Inquires and Observations upon the Diseases of the Mind. Benjamin Rush*."_

"Doctor Rush was a revolutionary in the field in his time," Mr. Lloyd explained. "He was the first American to really make some research with mental patients, and nowadays his followers in Pennsylvania Hospital carry on with his work."

"Pennsylvania?" Kid repeated with a heavy heart. It was too far away to do anything or have a consultation with one of those doctors about Lou.

"Read that book, boy. It's full of medical jargon, but it's also quite enlightening," Mr. Lloyd said as he took out a little card from his jacket pocket which he gave Kid. "And here's my address in St. Joseph in case you need to contact me."

"Thank you, Sir. I really appreciate it."

"I hope it helps. Your little friend is very lucky to have someone who cares so much for her," the man added with a smile.

The remark intended as a complement did not manage to take the expected effect and made Kid's mood darken. Lucky was a word as far from Lou's situation as possible, especially when it came to his interference in it. Kid felt that he had done nothing but make things more difficult for her. Since the first day he had messed up with her life; he had made a terrible mistake when he hadn't stopped things from going further with her. He had got her pregnant, made her feel unwanted, as if he had only used her for his own benefit, and now willingly or not he planned to snatch the baby from her. Definitely misfortune had touched Lou the day she had met him.

Realizing Mr. Lloyd was watching him with curiosity, Kid had to make an effort to compose himself and muttered ruefully, "I'll saddle a horse for you. Shouldn't be long." With those last words he turned around and shuffled towards the tack room, eyes downcast, head hanging low as if he were supporting the world's weight on his shoulders at this very moment.

* * *

***Note: Benjamin Rush (1749-1813) is regarded as the father of American Psychiatry. You can read about his work at wiki/Benjamin_Rush**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter XXXVI**

The bunkhouse was almost empty but for Kid who lay on his bed quietly reading. Some of the boys were away on rides, and Jimmy and Noah were giving Teaspoon a hand with some chores at his office. The Southerner gladly welcomed the peace and quiet the bunkhouse offered him today. He really needed the time to ponder about his problems even though thinking about them wouldn't make them lessen their gravity or disappear.

Louise continued with the same stiff attitude towards him, but yesterday surprisingly when Kid had asked her how she was like he did every day, she had actually answered. It had been a curt, cold and stiff 'fine', but it had felt so good. Louise had really talked to him, which made him hope that it was possible for them to patch things up. It killed the Southerner to realize how bad the situation between them was. He had begrudgingly conformed himself to the fact that Lou was not for him, but he wanted nothing more than to be her friend and talk to her.

Kid fondly remembered how easily they had been able to converse during that short spell their romance had lasted. Lou used to tell him everything that crossed her mind, everything but about her "problems" or her life at the asylum. Kid recalled with special fondness the day they had gone riding together, and she had told him about her innocent and delightful dreams. That time seemed to have happened in another lifetime, and it hurt to think that those moments would never come back.

The door clicked open, and Jimmy stepped into the bunkhouse. He crossed the length of the room and stood in front of his friend's bunk while resting his arm on the one above, but he didn't say a word. Kid looked up from his book and asked, "Anything I can do for you, Jimmy?"

"Could you take my afternoon ride, Kid? I've left Sundancer at Doctor Wheeler's… you know… he's been limping lately and well… I want to check what's wrong with him later."

Kid chuckled at the comment while he asked, "Worried about your horse, Jimmy?" Hickock made an unhappy gesture when he recognized the tease in his friend's voice and the Southerner added, "You're all constantly making fun of me because of my fondness of Katy, and apparently I ain't the only one who cares for their animals."

Jimmy did not find it humorous at all to be on the receiving end of his friend's amusement and said in a gruff voice, "Are you gonna take my ride or not?"

"All right, all right, I'll take your ride," Kid replied and turned his attention back to his book while a smile still tugged at her mouth.

Jimmy sat down on the bench along the table just opposite his friend and watched how engrossed he was in his book. "What are you reading, Kid? You've had your nose stuck in that book for the last couple of weeks."

"It's one Mr. Lloyd lent me … all that stuff about mental disorders," Kid replied, closing the book and showing the cover to Jimmy, who silently mouthed the title. "A couple of days ago he also sent me a few press clippings about those doctors' work with mental patients and a list of hospitals belonging to something called the Kirkbride plan, some kind of system where these patients are apparently well cared for."

"So is it any good?"

"Well, of the little I can understand in this book I can't really say. It's quite depressing," Kid admitted ruefully," but it's amazing the way they treat their patients … with such care, respect, attention… but …"

"But what?"

"Look at this," said Kid, showing his friend one of the newspaper clippings that Mr. Lloyd had sent him. On the paper there was a drawing of a man sitting on a stout chair, his limbs attached to the arms and legs of the seat by leather straps and a gag over his mouth.

"What on earth is this?" Jimmy asked, creasing his forehead in confusion.

"It's called 'the restraining chair'," Kid simply said while he handed his friend another small newspaper article in which another man was tied to some kind of plank. Jimmy sent the Southerner a quizzical look and he explained, "This one's called 'the spinning board'. They strap the person onto it and make them turn round and round."

"What for?" Hickok questioned again with an expression of disgust.

"Apparently it improves the circulation of blood to the brain."

"And these are supposed to clear up people's minds?" Jimmy remarked with a bemused smirk. "If you ask me, they'd probably turn them even crazier."

"I can't see Lou going through all that, but I'm sure that hospital is a better place than the asylum we took her out of, remember?" Kid muttered as he rose from the bed and sat next to his friend.

Hickok nodded at the question and added, "Maybe those gadgets really do work, and ain't as much a torture as they look. After all we ain't doctors, Kid."

"Yeah, maybe," Kid let out, uncertainty evident in his voice.

"Have you talked to Boggs about all this? Maybe you should ask him."

"No, I haven't," Kid admitted with a rueful expression, his fingers playing with the uneven surface of the table. "I ain't sure myself, Jimmy. That hospital and all the others on that list are too far away… in the east. If she's sent there, that would ruin any possibilities for her to be part of our baby's life."

The comment surprised the long-haired rider who looked at his friend with a puzzled frown. "Do you really intend to let your child get to know her?"

"Of course I do!" Kid exclaimed. "Lou's my baby's mother and no matter what everybody may think, she would never do any harm to her own child!"

"I didn't mean she would, Kid," Jimmy defended himself. "All I'm saying is that your child might get a little confused. Two mamas, one at home and one in a madhouse."

At his words Kid hesitated but despite his own common sense, he held on to his idea stubbornly. "Children are tougher and smarter than we think."

"Well, if this child is anything like its daddy, I ain't so sure about that," Jimmy quipped in a teasing tone, but the comment did not have the expected effect. The Southerner kept staring at his friend with a bleak expression. Yeah, Jimmy was right. He wasn't the smartest man around, and all he did lately meant trouble and problems for the woman he loved. Hickok noticed his bitter countenance and added, "Come on, Kid. Cheer up. I was just winding you up."

The Southerner let out a deep sigh while saying, "I'm so confused, Jimmy." He paused briefly and then asked, "Tell me something. What would you do if you were in my place?"

"Kid, what do you want to do?" the long-haired rider asked instead of answering his friend's question.

The Southerner stared at Jimmy instantly for a few seconds and then he said, "I want to take her very far away, far from her demons, far from her miseries, far from herself."

"That ain't possible, is it?"

Kid simply shook his head, and resting his elbows on the table he buried his face in his hands. Jimmy slapped him on the shoulder comfortingly while he rose to his feet. "Don't despair, Kid." For a moment he was speechless, unable to find the words which could give some comfort to his friend and he eventually said, "Maybe this ride is just what you need to air your thoughts and your problems."

Kid looked up and stretching his lips in a strange way he muttered, "Thank you, Jimmy."

"No, thank you for taking my ride," Hickok replied while he ambled to the door. "But look out what you say. I'll have to kill you if you no more than breathe the reason why I've swapped rides with you." The two friends shared a few laughs at the comment, and then Jimmy added, "I'd better head back for town now. Teaspoon must be wondering where I have got lost."

"Bye, Jimmy," Kid replied, watching his friend slide through the door. He stayed seated on the bench for a few minutes, feeling shattered and drained of all energy. Maybe Jimmy was right and this ride would do him good. He needed to see everything with a fresh perspective without Patricia or anybody else in the way. His head was in a jumble, and lately he had started contemplating whether he should keep his engagement with his fiancée. When they started courting, it had been relatively easy. Lou wasn't around… at least not physically… and her continuous presence was a real reminder of what he really wanted. Now he was gradually coming to realize that he didn't love Patricia the way she deserved. It wouldn't be right for him to force her into a marriage that was doomed to fail to start with just because he needed a mother for his baby. He had to think everything through, and this was just what he needed to open his eyes to reality.

* * *

The ride to Fort Laramie had been smooth, problem-free and even boring. Kid would have welcomed any interruption to distract himself from his own thoughts. However much he played with his problems in his head, he had not managed to untangle his muddled mind. He knew that his situation had no easy solution. The longer he pondered it the more convinced he was that he shouldn't marry Patricia. His feelings were in a jumble but there was only one truth that he had no doubts about: he loved Lou with the kind of affection reserved only for the woman he wanted to marry. What he felt for Patricia was not even close, and he feared that he would end up regretting her or even resenting her.

The Southerner knew that it wasn't right for him to force such a situation onto his fiancée. She was a lovely girl who any man would want to wed, but the problem was that his heart belonged to somebody else. An unfeasible love, a dream, a fantasy, but he had to admit that he couldn't fight it. He had done so for months now, and it had been an impossible task. Of course he couldn't pursue it, but at least accepting what he couldn't have might bring him some peace of mind. Yet, new complications arose from the admittance of his truth. Would he be able to break up with Patricia? He knew he'd break her heart, but that was naturally something unavoidable. The notion left him troubled and restless. Finishing their relationship wasn't a piece of cake at all and he was aware of what it would mean to Patricia. Her reputation would suffer logically when their break-up became public knowledge. People could be so malicious and cruel and there was always a snide remark or a pointedly raised eyebrow when a woman was known to have been jilted by her man. Rumors spread and she might be thought of as unsuitable for marriage. Kid knew that he wouldn't want that to happen to Patricia, and he'd rather say that it had been her idea of finishing their engagement than the other way round. Even though Kid now knew he didn't love her in a romantic fashion, he wouldn't want her to suffer a bad reputation for his sake.

Kid spent the night in the local hotel in Fort Laramie, treated himself to a nice, warm meal at the restaurant and even had more time to consider his situation. Strangely enough, he felt very lonely and had a strong longing for Lou. He wished she were there with him, and as he walked from the restaurant to the hotel under the stars, a sweet memory came to his mind. It was that time they had sat below the starry sky. It had been the first time they had really talked and the memory was etched on his mind, and no matter how long ago it was, he knew he would never forget the expression of her lovely face that day. He wished with all his heart they would be able to walk under the stars hand in hand, with no restrictions, no worries, no cares. His wishes, though, were like his love for her, simply impossible to fulfill.

The following morning Kid set off just at the crack of dawn, and he foresaw that the ride to Sweetwater would also be without incident. Yet, when he was about one hour from his final destination, the sound of bullets received him. Without a second thought, the rider spurred his mare towards the place where the shots came from. At once he saw three riders, their faces hidden behind bandannas, attacking a wagon. Kid could not see the carriage's occupants, but he guessed they must have hidden and taken refuge behind the wagon as he could perceive the bullets coming from that direction. When he was at a reasonable distance, the Southerner took aim and shot, dropping one of the highwaymen, but before he could run to a hideout, a second man shot. The first bullet whizzed past his head dangerously but the second one hit him squarely on his shoulder, dropping him off Katy. Pain surged through his body, the sound of bullets deadening little by little, and as finally just silence surrounded darkness spread into his mind, sending him into unconsciousness.

* * *

With a big smile Rachel put the last stitches to the hem of the material she held in her hands. Lately she had been in the mood for changing some bits and pieces around her home, and had started with renewing the curtains of all the rooms. It had been a lot of extra work for her, but the station mistress didn't mind it a bit. With the new drapes the whole house seamed different and jollier. The ones she had inherited from Emma were getting a bit worn, and it was high time they were finally changed. The fabric she had turned into beautiful ones was the last one… the one for Lou's room.

Rachel headed for the girl's bedroom. Things between her and Louise were changing little by little. She was starting to trust her again, and even though the rift wasn't completely mended, the station mistress was happy to be able to talk with the girl in the same way as they had previously done. Despite all her problems, Lou was a charming and clever young lady as Rachel had known from the beginning. In all honesty the station mistress had to admit that Louise was the only female she felt really close to. Most women in this town were not the kind that she would seek to befriend. When she had first arrived in Sweetwater, the majority of ladies had looked down on her, but paradoxically when she had married John, this stilted attitude had radically changed. With this marriage she had improved her social state, had kind of climbed a few steps in this local hierarchy, and people had been willing to befriend the banker's new bride.

All this just showed that it was a town full of hypocrites and Rachel didn't feel like having any close bonds with that kind of individuals. All those ladies were all the same and not even Patricia, who was a usual visitor at the station, was better. Clearly the girl put on airs and was a popular little gossip like the rest of the townsfolk. No, Rachel told herself, she didn't want to have anything to do with that two-faced lot. By contrast, Louise was so straightforward and natural. There were no games or insincerity with her. She always blurted out what she thought no matter the consequences. Rachel knew that her lack of control was due to her special conditions, but all in all, the station mistress really felt at ease when she was around her. Louise was the only woman who under the right circumstances would become her true friend, her confidante.

After knocking lightly at the door, Rachel let herself in. Louise stood in the middle of the room, wringing her hands nervously and looking somewhat troubled. "Hello, honey!" Rachel greeted her warmly. "I've brought you the curtains for your room."

Louise didn't say anything and instead turned her back from the woman and began pacing up and down. Rachel didn't think much of her attitude. Lou had her good and bad days, and today was probably on her bad side. The station mistress brought a chair under the window, and climbed onto it. She carefully removed the old, faded drapes while she could hear Louise's frenetic steps behind her. Easing down from the chair Rachel placed the old curtains on top of the dresser and before carrying on with the task, she threw a glimpse at Louise again. The girl did not look well and seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Louise, what's the matter, honey?"

The girl stopped her frenetic pacing and came to stand in front of the older woman. "Oh Rachel," Lou exclaimed, her eyes bright and her lips quivering, "something terrible's gonna happen."

"What?"

"I…I…" Lou stuttered, unable to put into words the turmoil she was going through, and she only managed to repeat the same. "Something terrible's gonna happen, something terrible's gonna happen. I know." She was incapable of keeping still and her hands grabbed Rachel's upper arm in a tight grip.

"Honey, please calm down!" the station mistress talked to her in soothing tones. "You're very nervous. Shall I bring you a nice cup of tea?"

Lou shook her head energetically. "I feel it so strong, Rachel," she cracked in a thin voice. "I'm so scared."

The station mistress stared at her with a frown for a few seconds, and then she added, "Louise, just sit quietly on the bed while I finish fixing the new curtains and then I'll make a pot of strong tea for the two of us."

Lou nodded sadly, realizing that Rachel did not believe her. She didn't know what or when, but they were up for some bad news. Lou was as sure and convinced about it as when she had known that girl, Marianne Herrick would be murdered. Of course it wasn't odd that Rachel didn't believe her because she didn't really understand what happened in her mind herself.

The station mistress climbed on top of the chair again and placed the new curtains while Lou watched her from her sitting position on the bed. Her hands couldn't keep still; one of them clenched the bedpost tightly while the other one nervously played with the material of her skirt. She looked on the verge of tears as the sensations inside her became stronger and stronger. Rachel eventually finished the task at hand and jumped off the chair. From beside the window she turned to Lou and asked, "Ain't they pretty?"

"Very," the girl replied unenthusiastically, feeling too emotional to say anything further.

Rachel sighed in a mixture of frustration and tiredness. Lou was sometimes so difficult to grasp and it was in moments like this she sadly realized how different Louise was from other "normal" girls. The station mistress was about to move away, intending to make the pot of tea she had promised, which she hoped would help to calm Lou down, but then the sound of loud voices coming from outside reached her ears. Casting a glimpse through the window Rachel saw the riders gathered together next to the stables in an apparently hectic state. Ike was signing frenetically and the others did not look much calmer either. Buck was holding Katy's reins, but Rachel couldn't see her rider anywhere. The station mistress opened the window and putting her head out of it, she called, "Boys, what's going on?"

Jimmy walked a few steps nearer the house and said, "Katy's ridden in without Kid."

"What?" Rachel exclaimed with an expression of utter horror.

"There's some blood on her back," Jimmy explained, his countenance showing the pained feelings running through him. Kid had gone on this ride at his request and he was now lost, so he couldn't help but feel guilty of the situation. "The boys and I are riding out to look for him."

Rachel did not respond, and turned back from the window. Lou was still in the same position, looking even more jittery than a few seconds ago. "Louise, the boys say Kid hasn't come back from his ride, and he's probably hurt out there," the woman said, gazing at her with a crestfallen expression and placing before the girl, she asked, "Where is he, Lou?"

"I… I don't know," she cracked in a tiny voice.

Rachel crouched before her and grabbing her by the upper arms strongly she demanded firmly, "Think, Louise, think! Where is Kid?"

"I don't know" the girl repeated loudly, getting more and more agitated. "I don't know!"

Rachel began shaking the girl while saying, "You have to think harder, Louise. Think! Where's Kid? Where is he?"

"I don't know! I don't know! I can't see anything, I can't!" Louise wailed, the tears rolling down her face.

Seeing the shaken state of the girl, the station mistress realized she had been too rough, her own mood altered by her worries. "Sorry, honey. It's fine, it's fine."

"I'm so scared," Lou sobbed loudly.

"The boys will find him, you'll see," Rachel cooed, wrapping her arms around the girl and holding her against her chest. "Don't worry none. Everything's gonna be fine."

* * *

Teaspoon decided to send Jimmy, Noah and Buck in search of Kid. Hopefully they could find him not far from the station since Katy had been able to reach it straightaway. Buck kept checking the ground for tracks, but so far he had only been able to make out the mare's marks without the rider. At least the riders thought with relief that they were on the right track and Katy's prints would hopefully lead them to where Kid was.

After an hour of searching they reached a point where the mare's marks diverted from the road. The riders could smell something burning in the air and as they followed the tracks, the smell became more and more pungent and intense. They finally got to a place where they could see a burnt wagon. The riders dismounted, and when they approached the remains of the carriage, the bodies of two women and a man were laying on the ground.

"They're dead," Jimmy stated after checking for their vital signs.

"Bushwhackers must have held them up and killed them," Noah added with a bitter gesture. "Bastards."

Buck had wandered off the place where his two friends were checking the corpses of those poor people, and then stumbled upon Kid's figure lying face down on the ground. The Kiowa rushed to kneel down next to him as he called his other two friends in an urgent voice, "Jimmy! Noah! Quick! Come here!" Buck turned Kid on his back and saw the blood oozing from his left side. When the other two riders reached the place, the Kiowa was leaning over the Southerner, checking whether he was breathing.

"Is he… alive?" Jimmy asked, his throat tight with fear.

Buck didn't answer straightaway, which felt like an eternity for the other two riders and when he did, they were finally able to let out their held breaths. "Yeah, he is."

"Thank God!" Jimmy exclaimed visibly relieved.

"Let's take him to the station quickly," Noah offered. "Nobody can do anything for those three," he added pointing at the corpses a few feet away. "We'll tell Teaspoon and come back with a buckboard later to take care of their bodies."

Without losing one more second the riders built a travois with the remains of the wagon and the blankets they found in one of the trucks these poor people carried. They placed the Southerner on the makeshift stretcher, and were ready to leave for the station. Kid had not even stirred, which they assumed was due to the loss of blood from his wound. He needed to see a doctor as soon as possible before it was too late. The bullet was imbedded in his shoulder and even though Buck had wrapped the wound with some bandages he had made up from the clothes they had found in the same trunk, the blood kept seeping through.

In her room Lou was frantic as she alternated between looking out of the window and pacing up and down the room. She had seen Jimmy, Noah and Buck ride out, and it seemed like ages since they had left. Worry did not leave her a single moment, and she thought she was gonna burst. Since that morning she had known something was terribly wrong. She couldn't explain why, but the overwhelming sensations had been too clear to ignore. When it turned out that Kid was the one in trouble, the feelings of guilt had shaken her hard. She had purposefully avoided talking and giving him the cold shoulder for weeks. Lou did not want to even imagine that she wouldn't have the opportunity to see him or talk to him again. Fate couldn't be so cruel as to take him from her. Not Kid. She would gladly give her life, it didn't mean much, but Kid couldn't die. He was a good man and deserved to have a full and happy existence. Circumstances had caused her to hold a grudge against him, but deep down she knew that the present situation wasn't really his fault.

Lou felt so useless and stupid. However much she had tried, her head was empty of images. It was so damn frustrating. She had been able to describe in detail what had happened to that girl who had been murdered, but she couldn't tell a thing of what was going on with the person she really cared for. Why? Why? She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs but she was drained of all energy.

With her face against the window panes, Lou saw Rachel and the rest of the Express family step into the yard. The girl flicked her eyes towards the horizon, and she could make out the shaded profiles of three riders. When they came closer, Louise saw that they were Jimmy, Noah and Buck and her heart started pounding in anticipation as she noticed that there was a travois attached to Jimmy's horse but she couldn't see much.

Rachel and the others gathered around the three riders when they reached the yard. Teaspoon said something, pointing at the horse and the riders lifted the person on the travois and carried him inside the white-washed house. Ike rode away towards town, obviously with the intention of going for the doctor. The riders' figures blocked her sight and Lou hadn't been able to catch a single glimpse of Kid and what condition he was in. Unable to hold back any longer the girl didn't think about it twice and dashed out of the room, but when she was half way down the corridor, Rachel intercepted her.

"Lou, please, go back to your room."

"Please, Rachel. I need to know how he is," the girl said with pleading eyes.

"Honey, be a good girl. When the doctor finishes with him, I'll let you know how Kid is doing, all right?" Rachel tried to soothe and persuade her from her intentions and passing an arm over her shoulders, she steered Lou back to her bedroom. The girl wanted to protest, but finally relented and went back to her room.

The minutes seemed like hours. From her perennial position in front of the window Lou saw the movements at the station. Ike came back, bringing the doctor in tow and they both dashed onto the house. Patricia drove her wagon into the property at full speed, and followed the same route the two men had taken. The doctor left about half an hour later and after him the house was a continuous flow of people going in and out.

Louise did not miss a single detail from her window, and as she continued ignorant of what was going on with Kid, she was practically climbing the walls with worry. Patricia had already left the station, the riders had moved to the bunkhouse and Boggs had also ridden out, probably towards town. Rachel had promised that she'd come and tell her how Kid was, but she hadn't done it so far. Louise didn't know whether her absence meant good or bad news, but all in all she was desperate to know anything because anything would be better than this tortuous uncertainty.

Suddenly, the door opened and Lou rushed to Rachel in no time. "How is Kid?" she asked in a strained voice, grabbing the woman's hands frantically. "Please tell me, Rachel."

"He's fine," the station mistress answered softly. "The bullet hit him in the shoulder. Doctor Barnes has taken it out without any complications. He's just lost quite a lot of blood and is a bit weak."

"Is he gonna be all right?" Lou asked again.

"Sure he is," the station mistress assured her. "You'll see he'll be out and about in no time."

Louise smiled in relief and closed her eyes, silently thanking heaven for answering her prayers. When she opened them again, she looked Rachel in the eyes intently and said, "Rachel I need to see him." At the woman's hesitation the girl insisted, "Please." Rachel stared at her for a few seconds and finally nodded her head, granting her permission.

* * *

A sound caught his attention and turning his eyes towards it, he couldn't do anything but stare at the breathtaking image appearing before him so suddenly. Lou stood before the door, her chestnut hair framing her lovely face; the darkness of her tresses in contrast with her pale skin in the dim light of the room made her look more lovely than usual. Her dress wrapped around her body, and Kid could not help but stare at her shamelessly. In the distance separating them, they both kept gazing at each other. With his right hand Kid managed to raise his body and lean it against the headboard without taking his eyes off her for a single second.

"Come here," he found himself saying in a husky voice. Louise slowly advanced towards him, her dark pools boring into his blue ones. Without a sound, without a word she crossed over to the bed and carefully sat down on the mattress opposite him. Their hands acted automatically and almost unaware of their movements they joined in a tight clutch. The intensity of their stare was such that it felt as if they could actually touch each other, sense each other, breathe each other. Kid noticed that Lou's figure gradually leaned closer and closer, and before he could register what was happening, his mouth welcomed her warmly, softly, avidly. Kid felt as though he was touching the sky and the pain he had just been suffering from miraculously disappeared all of a sudden. Her lips fit his in perfect harmony and her skin felt as soft as he remembered. "Oh Lou," he let out among kisses and as suddenly as their tongues had met in a loving dance, she pulled away and before he could do anything, she scurried away from his grasp among giggles. "Please Lou, don't go," he begged in a strained voice. "Please Lou, please." She didn't seem to hear him and opened the door to slide out. "No!" was all he managed to exclaim before the same door slammed shut and he couldn't see her anymore.

With the sound of the door Kid found himself opening his eyes and staring at the white ceiling above him. Realization dawned on him, and with a heavy heart he knew that it had all been a dream, a wonderful dream. "Sorry I woke you," he heard a voice say and lifting his head, in surprise he stared at Lou, who stood by the door much in the same way as in his dream. She was wearing the same dress and looked as lovely and for a moment he felt unable to articulate a single world.

"You didn't wake me up," he simply said when he was able to get a grip of his own senses.

"How are you, Kid?"

"I … I'm fine," he stuttered clumsily, still shaken by the very real dream he had just had. Lou smiled pleasantly, and they remained in silence for a few moments. "Will you keep me company?" he asked eventually, patting the empty space on the bed by his side.

Louise nodded in agreement, and sheepishly placed herself next to him. With a big effort Kid managed to sit up and rest his body against the headboard, realizing that it had been much easier and much less painful in his dream. Lou's hands settled on her expanded middle while her eyes remained downcast. "I've been so worried," she admitted in a very soft voice.

Kid sent her a smile even though she wasn't looking his way. The rider kept staring at her, studying her face, her features, her body, her middle where their baby grew and then he asked, "How are you, Lou?"

Louise looked up and fixing her eyes on his, she said, "I'm fine … I guess."

"And the little one?"

The girl stroked her growing belly tenderly and smiled. "The little one is perfectly fine."

Kid smiled back and in a bold movement he dared to place his hand over hers caressing her middle. Lou looked at him surprised, and when she didn't remove her hand or swat his away, he felt strangely happy. "Do you know whether it will be a boy or a girl?"

"What?" Lou let out with a confused frown.

"I mean … I wonder whether you might have had one of those visions about our baby," the rider explained in sheer honesty.

Louise smiled again. Despite everything, she had to admit that Kid was the only one who fully believed her when she had confessed her particular gift. Everybody else, even Rachel just a couple of hours ago, had doubted her. It was something logical since she didn't really understand what happened inside her mind when those images and sensations coursed all over her, but Kid had never questioned that she was telling other than the truth.

"No, I haven't," she replied to his curiosity after a beat.

The warmth of his hand over hers filled her with a strange sensation, and she could feel that her cheeks were blushing violently, evident to his eyes. "Well, I have the feeling it's gonna be a little girl," Kid remarked, beaming happily, and Lou found herself reciprocating the gesture. It wasn't the first time he had mentioned his wish for a little girl, and even though talking about their baby and the future was usually very painful for Louise, for some strange reason she now found herself hopeful and contented. They relapsed into silence once again and after a beat, Kid remarked while looking intently into her eyes, "Lou, I really want to be friends with you. I don't like us acting like strangers or enemies, and I really miss the Louise I first met."

The girl lowered her eyes sheepishly, and knew that he was telling the truth. She had changed … more than in the last four years she had been locked in the asylum, but she couldn't help it. Circumstances had made her change and her pregnancy was affecting her in a way that she couldn't control. In her heart she wished she could forget her pain, her gloomy perspectives, but it was too much. What Kid was asking from her was her desire as well, but she couldn't bring herself to agree because she didn't know how she would respond in the following days and weeks.

So instead of replying to his wishful words, she muttered, her eyes still downcast, "I was so worried about you when you didn't come back from your ride." Hearing her admit that she had been concerned for his safety made him feel warm and comforted inside. After weeks of silence Lou was actually talking to him, and hearing her say that she wasn't as indifferent to him as she had tried to appear warmed his insides. "Kid, you know you have to keep safe from danger. Have you stopped to think what it would mean to our baby if something happened to you?"

Her words sent him to the dumps and suddenly he felt very disappointed. "Oh the baby," he let out in an embittered voice. "You were worried just for the baby."

"Not only for the baby!" Louise exclaimed, lifting her eyes to him, and the Southerner could see the life and passion in them, something that had been missing for many weeks. "Kid, you know I… uh … I'm very fond of you. Why on earth do you think I get so upset with you? I would be better off if I didn't care, but for better or worse I do!"

On hearing her Kid let out a satisfied smile, which Louise didn't find amusing at all. "Kid, this ain't funny! You gotta promise me that you'll be careful. Our baby only has you. If, God forbid, something might happen to you, I would never be allowed to keep our child, and I doubt your girlfriend would still want to take that responsibility. And I would want to die if our baby had to be sent to an orphanage."

Kid took her hands in his, stopping her energetic and frenetic gesticulation and thus calming her nerves. "Lou, you got nothing to worry about. Nothing's gonna happen to me. I'll be careful, I promise. But in case something did happen, I'm sure Rachel would take upon herself to care for our child."

His words did not manage to appease her, but had the opposite effect and Louise got even more frantic. "No! Not Rachel!"

"Why not?" Kid asked with a confused frown. "Rachel really cares for you, and in the hypothetical case I weren't around, she would love our child as if it were her own."

"I know she would, and I do care for her too," Lou stated in a firm voice. "But I don't want my child near him! Kid, you have to promise me that he won't come near our baby! He's a monster, and hates me! I'm sure he will try to harm our baby just because I'm its mother. You have to promise me, Kid!"

The Southerner stared at her in confusion and with apprehension. Lou was getting more and more frantic, but instead of voicing the promise she expected, he asked, "Lou, whatever did your father do to you? You don't make any sense."

At his comment Louise simmered down and disengaging her hands from his hold, she rose to her feet. "I better go now."

"Come on, Lou. Talk to me. Tell me." Louise started walking towards the door and the Southerner insisted, "Please Lou, don't go and talk to me. Why don't you tell me?"

The girl stopped in the middle of the room and turning round towards him once again she muttered, "Maybe one day I'll tell you … when I'm sure you'll believe me and that shadow of doubt disappears from your eyes." Without giving him the opportunity to reply, Louise ambled towards the door and slid out of the room, leaving an astonished and totally confused Kid behind.

* * *

**Author's note: More information about Benjamin Rush and his practice on mental patients can be found on wiki/Benjamin_Rush. The treatments I mention are part of his practice at the time, but I haven't been able to find much more information about the restraining chair or the spinning board, so I've had to use my imagination to describe them.**

**If you want to read more about the Kirkbride plan on wiki/Kirkbride_Plan.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter XXXVII**

On the days that followed, Kid's shoulder gradually got back into shape and soon he was back to his rides and other chores around the station at full steam. It was the first week of March and the first hints announcing that the spring was close were noticeable. The days were now not so cold, the trees were timidly showing their new shoots and the fields were starting to cover their surface with lush greenness and flowers. The change of seasons brought about a jolly atmosphere among the riders, who were glad to welcome the warm spring. The rides under the snow or against the freezing wind were something none were very fond of, but they had a job to do regardless of the circumstances. Fortunately, with the good weather the rides wouldn't be so hard and in fact, all of them would enjoy riding under the gentle sun.

After their first conversation in a long time, the situation had notably improved between Kid and Lou. While he had been confined to bed after being wounded, Louise had come to see him and they had been able to talk every single day. The girl seemed to have reversed to the special and lovely person Kid had first met all those months ago. Now they laughed together, they joked together, they talked together. Kid felt he was having the time of his life, but in the same thought came the terrible realization that he wanted to be like this forever. All day long he kept longing for the moment when they would be together, usually in one of her prescribed walks and then those minutes flew by so quickly that left a terrible yearning in the rider.

The Southerner was starting to loathe those lonely and long rides which prevented him from seeing her at all or those days when it rained continually, which made it impossible to go for a walk or be with her alone. Kid did not want to think about what lay in their future once the baby was born and simply focused on one day at a time. Lately Louise looked happier and more cheerful than in all those previous months and Kid wished with all his heart she could smile as brightly every single day for the rest of her life, and he could be there to see her. However, her mood always darkened whenever he asked her about the enigmatic words she had uttered that day about Boggs. The Southerner did not know what she was hiding and wished she could trust him, but seeing how upset she got whenever he brought up the matter, after a while he had stopped asking her altogether.

Kid was still troubled about what he should do about Patricia. Before getting shot, he had been completely sure that he wanted to break off their engagement, but going through with it was not an easy task. Whenever he tried to tackle the matter, either something happened or he simply couldn't pluck up the courage to do so. Their wedding was just a month away, and Kid knew he was running out of time. He needed to do something before it was too late.

Patricia continually kept blabbering about their wedding arrangements; she was living in her own cotton-candy world and never saw anything strange beyond her nose like the reluctance in her husband-to-be to share her enthusiasm about their coming marriage. A couple of days ago she had come up with the idea of having some kind of engagement dinner at the station with Kid's friends and family. The Southerner had tried to discourage her and convince her that it wasn't a good idea, but Patricia had turned a deaf ear to her fiancé. Without his clear approval, she had hired Rachel's help for the occasion, and today they would have that stupid and senseless dinner.

The corral fence had been in urgent need of repair for quite a while, and today Teaspoon had requested his riders to take over the task before the whole thing fell apart. At the moment Kid was nailing the planks that Jimmy held against the posts absent-mindedly but at half-way through the whole process they ran out of nails.

"This was the last box in the shed," Jimmy informed him.

"I think there's one in the bunkhouse from when we fixed the bunks," added Kid as he started off across the yard. "Won't be long."

The Southerner marched towards the bunkhouse, subconsciously casting a quick look at the window behind which Lou usually stood, but today for some reason she wasn't there. Kid continued towards the building, and as soon as he stepped onto the porch, the sweet smell of chocolate wafted past him and he felt his stomach rumble in hunger. When he slid into the bunkhouse, he saw that Rachel was over the stove covering a sponge cake with sweet chocolate cream.

"That sure smells great," the rider commented as he started rummaging through the shelves in search of the box of nails.

Rachel smiled at the compliment as she turned to him and said, "Chocolate cake. Your favorite. Tonight is a special occasion for you, young man, so I've chosen a memorable menu."

The mention of tonight's dinner and the occasion behind it made Kid feel desolate and the smile vanished from his face at once. "I see," he replied sorrowfully.

The change in his mood did not go unnoticed to the station mistress and her forehead creased into a frown while she asked, "Something wrong, Kid?"

The rider stopped his search and stared at the blonde lady for a few seconds, debating with himself whether to tell her, but in the end he simply said, "No, nothing's the matter."

Rachel did not buy his lie and leaving her position before the stove, she walked up to him, wiping her hands on her apron. "Kid, you know you can tell me anything that worries you. I can really tell you don't look very happy."

The Southerner stared at her for a few more seconds and then exclaimed, throwing his arms to the sky in frustration, "This whole thing is nothing but a farce!"

"What do you mean, Kid?"

"This engagement dinner. It's a big lie because I don't wanna marry Patricia!"

The truth was out of his mouth before he could do anything to stop it, and surprise quickly registered in the station mistress's countenance. "What's happened? Have you two fought?"

"No," Kid answered, shaking his head ruefully and realized that now that he had opened up to Rachel, he'd better tell her the whole thing. "I just don't love her the way a man should love a woman."

"Have you talked with her about all this?"

Kid shook his head again while he dropped on the bench along the bunkhouse table, resting his right elbow on its surface. "With me being wounded and … everything else I haven't had the chance and …"

"You know those are only excuses, Kid," Rachel stated as she sat next to the rider.

The Southerner looked up at the woman and answered defensively, "It ain't that easy, Rachel"

"The wedding is just a month away," the station mistress insisted. "What are you waiting for? Are you planning to jilt her at the altar or go through the whole thing knowing that you ain't in love with her?"

"I will talk to her, I promise," Kid muttered in a very soft voice. "I will, but not tonight."

Rachel did not agree with the rider's position, but didn't say anything against it and instead she asked, "Kid, can I ask you something?" The rider lifted his gaze to her quizzically, and the woman questioned hesitantly, "Is there … is there somebody else?"

The rider let out a weary sigh and nodding his head he said, "There's always been somebody else."

"Oh Kid," Rachel exclaimed in a contrite tone, fully aware of the identity of the unmentioned person. She had no idea that things were that serious. "Honey, you know how things are."

"I could take care of her, Rachel," Kid stated without paying any mind to the woman's words. "I know I can… like we've been doing here so far."

"I'm sure you'd be good for her," Rachel replied using her words very carefully. "But things ain't that simple, honey. There's a baby involved."

"She would never harm our child!"

"Kid, you don't know that! Unfortunately, nobody can. No one knows how she might react, not even her. She can't foresee or prevent her own reactions and neither can you."

"Rachel, she's doing so much better. She hasn't tried anything in all the months she's been here. I'm sure this time with all of us is helping her more than all the years she's spent in the asylum," Kid stated passionately. "If we stayed here, wouldn't you help us … wouldn't you give us a hand with the baby?"

"Of course. You know I would but … this whole thing … I don't know, Kid. Are you sure of what you're getting yourself into?"

"Not really," Kid admitted truthfully. "I just know I love her more than anything in this world. She's all I want."

Moved by his confession Rachel covered his hand with hers, and looked at the rider with compassionate eyes. "Kid, I had no idea. You must be suffering so much."

The Southerner made a bitter gesture, disregarding her words while he said, "Not as much as her." And directing his tortuous eyes to the woman, he added, "I don't know if she still wants me, but I need to do something for her. I can't let her suffer any longer, and I won't stay idle while she's forced to live in that place. That's not for her. You can't imagine what that hole is like, Rachel. Of the little I got to see I just know it's a living hell."

"We'll talk to John," Rachel replied, her heart going out for the girl who she was so fond of. Lou could be sick, but the station mistress had always understood that it was their moral duty to look for her best interests. Even though she wasn't sure that Kid's good intentions were the best solution, she knew that they had to find an alternative to accommodate Louise.

"Your husband won't be of any help," Kid replied with irritation as she brought to mind the times he had tried to get Boggs's help for Lou like when she had been accused of murder. The banker had always refused, and the Southerner was sure that he wouldn't be much more willing in this case.

"We'll talk him into it, Kid," the woman insisted in an attempt to show her faith in her husband. She might not understand his attitude towards Louise, but she knew or wanted to believe that he meant well. The station mistress felt the need to believe that her husband had done what he thought was best for Louise and his family. Kid was about to protest her words but Rachel didn't let him. "First, you have to sort out your matters and clear things up with Patricia, don't you?"

"I will."

"Good then," Rachel replied. "Come and find me when you do. We'll talk about Louise then and not before. Now go back to your chores. I have a dinner to prepare… cause I imagine you don't want to call it off, do you?"

Kid shook his head ruefully and without a word he walked out of the bunkhouse. Rachel resume working on the cake, silently praying that everybody would finally find the best track to follow. Maybe this new perspective would open a brighter horizon for Louise because she urgently needed one.

* * *

Rachel crossed the yard towards her house. Everybody else was already around the bunkhouse table ready to start eating the delicious meal she had prepared for dinner, but she still needed to fetch Louise. Patricia had arrived a short while ago, beaming happily and wearing a beautiful, richly embroidered dress which made her look more distant from the humble Pony Express family. The men were wearing their Sunday bests and Rachel had also chosen one of her best dresses, but compared with Patricia they all looked like paupers. The only ones missing from today's dinner were Jeremiah and Theresa. Their teacher had taken all her pupils to spend the night in contact with nature so that the children could see everything they learned in natural science with their own eyes.

As soon as Patricia had arrived, Rachel had noticed Kid's uncomfortable and wretched expression. It was clear that the rider wasn't enjoying the situation at all, and the station mistress hoped that he could finally muster the courage to get out of that fix. She didn't know what they would decide to do about Lou's situation, but Kid needed to break off his engagement with Patricia, which was obviously making him very miserable.

The station mistress reached Louise's room and after knocking lightly, she let herself in. Lou was lying on the bed, her eyes open directed towards the ceiling, and one of her hands stroking her very noticeable middle. "Dinner time, sweetheart," Rachel announced cheerfully.

"Can I skip it tonight?" the girl replied gruffly as she sat up.

The older woman sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and asked, "Why? What's wrong?"

"I'm so tired."

"Are you sure it's just that?" Rachel asked studying her face carefully and when the girl cast a quizzical glance in her direction she added, "Would your tiredness have anything to do with tonight's special dinner for Patricia and Kid?"

"Is it special?" Louise asked with a tiring and uninteresting tone. "I didn't know."

"Some kind of engagement dinner."

"Oh well… I knew they were getting married from the beginning … no much difference now," Lou replied trying to show that she didn't care, but the truth was that she was actually feeling the pain inside.

"I see," Rachel said, not believing her explanation completely. "So what's the problem then?"

"I can't sleep properly," Lou exclaimed irritated. "I haven't' been able to sleep the night through for three days. I can never find a comfortable position in bed and sometimes the baby's pressure in my chest makes me unable to breathe. My back aches, my legs are swollen … Is it enough for you or shall I continue?" she concluded sarcastically.

Rachel couldn't help but smile despite Lou's bleak mood today. The girl was seven months along and was starting to suffer the discomforts of pregnancy. "Having a baby ain't that easy, is it?"

"I'm not complaining, Rachel, but …"

"I understand. I gather you must be so looking forward to the actual birth, aren't you?" the woman remarked without actually thinking what she was saying, and when Lou averted her pained eyes, she realized her silly mistake. Rachel wanted to kick herself hard for her insensitive blunder and aware that she couldn't take her words back, the station mistress added, "Then are you staying here tonight? I can bring some food for you later."

Louise kept thoughtful for a few seconds. Since Christmas she hadn't missed a single meal in the bunkhouse even though she had felt like doing so more than once. If she didn't turn up tonight, it would look odd, and every one of them would jump to the same conclusion that Rachel had. They would all think that she was hurt or distraught because of Kid's coming wedding. Lou didn't want to give anybody that satisfaction, least of all that horrible woman who was going to occupy her place in the life of her dear baby. Lou swore to herself that she'd show her and everybody else she didn't care. She'd be at that table tonight, witnessing their happiness even though she had to drag her weary body across the yard and towards the bunkhouse.

"No, it's fine. I'll go," Louise stated and with Rachel's help she managed to raise herself from the bed.

Despite the supposedly "happy" reason for tonight's dinner, the atmosphere around the bunkhouse table was somehow very subdued and dull. Nobody was in the mood to talk but for Boggs and Patricia, who had hogged the night's whole conversation with just a few interventions from Teaspoon, who had strangely contracted his riders' sullen temper. Lou was in a foul mood. The light-hearted conversation between her father and that girl was really getting on her nerves, which were already frayed because of the discomfort she was feeling. Her body ached and she kept shifting on her chair at the top of the table, unable to find a position she felt comfortable in. Besides, she kept going to the outhouse, which resulted in her food getting too cold to her taste. This was her third trip outside, and when she dropped on the chair next to her father, the banker loudly banged his fist against the table while he barked loudly, "Will you keep still for one moment, dammit! You're making us all nervous!"

Louise had to bite her tongue not to lash out and took a deep breath while staring at him with big eyes.

"John," Rachel spoke up in an admonishing tone, "she's pregnant. She can't help it."

Boggs shifted his eyes to his wife and added with a serious smirk, "She could have helped something else and we would all now be happier and more at peace."

At the comment Lou's anger boosted, but she refrained her tongue from saying anything she might regret. On her part Rachel was so flabbergasted that she was unable to utter a single word. Kid didn't look much happier, and he simply directed his eyes to Lou, who seemed to be on the verge of exploding. He wanted to say something to defend her honor, but Boggs didn't give him the opportunity for he turned to a very smiling Patricia, thus ignoring everybody else. "Miss, Putman, as I was saying before, please don't think we haven't thought of a wedding present for you two."

"Mr. Boggs, you don't have to bother yourself," the girl replied in a too flirtatious tone.

"No bother at all. Me and Rachel will have a nice gift for you on your special day, a token of our appreciation," the man continued in a confident and breezy fashion. "In the meantime, I have a little something that could help make sure your marriage runs problem-free." The man produced an envelope from his inner pocket and handed it to the girl. "It just came this morning."

Patricia took the letter out of the envelope and started reading it. "I don't understand a word of this gibberish. It's in some strange language."

"Spanish," Boggs explained with a satisfied smile on his lips. "It's simply a confirmation for my … my daughter's new home. Mexico ." At his words Lou stared at him, her eyes wide as saucers and her countenance contorted in horror and boiling anger. "You and Kid are a lovely couple and I guess you won't want any troublesome interference. And … neither will I. So if we remove the problem or send it away…"

Louise felt anger bubble inside her like the lava about to erupt from a volcano but she was so shocked that all she was able to do was to stare at him with big eyes. Her hand was gripping the edge of the table so strongly that her knuckles had gone white. Her father was going to send her to Mexico, to a foreign country, far from everything and everybody, with a different language, different customs, and different people. If it had been terrible in the asylum where she had stayed all these years, she couldn't imagine it would be much better in a place where she couldn't understand or make herself understood. This was the lowest she could ever go. Her baby would be miles and miles away. A blind fury had gripped her soul so strongly that she could hardly breathe and felt she was gonna faint at any moment, weak as she was.

In the same way Kid had been astounded and completely astonished to hear Boggs announce that she was planning to send Lou even further than she had been. This was so opposite to what he wanted and almost subconsciously his eyes searched for Rachel, who didn't look any happier. The woman discreetly gestured him to stay calm and spinning her index finger she beckoned him that they would talk about the matter later. Kid knew that this wasn't the place or the time to sort this out, but he literally had to bite his tongue to stop his angered words from barging out against the banker. He might keep quiet now, but there was no way he was going to allow Boggs to get rid of Lou like that. If it was necessary, he would elope with her and take her where nobody could find them.

Oblivious to what three of the people around the table were thinking and feeling, Boggs continued happily talking to Patricia. He kept asking her about her wedding plans and the life she and Kid would lead when they became husband and wife. Much to Lou's chagrin the banker kept praising the girl, joking with her, teasing her as if they were more than mere acquaintances. Louise fought hard to hold back the tears that were threatening her with spilling from behind her eyes. She was hurt and infuriated beyond reason since her father behaved as if he were having the time of his life, enjoying his new victory over her and his joy for her unhappiness.

"I'm sure you're gonna be the most beautiful bride we've ever seen," Boggs said smiling from ear to ear, and looking at his wife he added, "No offense, my love. You looked breathtaking on our wedding day."

Rachel made a gesture of indifference, which her husband didn't see since he turned his attention to Patricia who was talking. "You're very kind to me, Mr. Boggs."

"I'm just confirming what everybody else can see," Boggs replied. "But when are you going to start calling me John? We should do without formalities. We're practically related since you're gonna be the mother of my grandchild."

On hearing those words, something inside Louise snapped as if she had been slapped hard on her face and before she knew what she was doing, she jumped to her feet more quickly than she actually could because of her now heavy body. "Your grandchild! Your grandchild!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs. "How dare you!"

Her reaction took everybody around the table by surprise, and Boggs leered at Louise contemptuously while he snarled, "Sit down and shut the hell up, girl!"

"No!" she yelled as a powerful force started bubbling in her inside. She was beyond furious, and she could not stay put any longer. "I ain't gonna be hushed anymore! You're gonna listen to me for once in your life whether you like it or not!" She felt she was beyond control, but she didn't care. He wasn't going to trample over her like he always did, not this time.

At her words Boggs reached to grab her arm and thus force her back onto her chair, but Lou was quicker and in a flash she took hold of a knife which was on the surface of the table. Her action froze the banker when she pointed the knife at him menacingly and the other occupants of the bunkhouse got as alarmed. "Honey, please let go of the knife. Please," Rachel pleaded as she rose to her feet. "Please calm down."

"No!" Louise snarled furiously, her voice tinged with the blinding anger she was feeling. She kept pointing the sharp knife in her father's direction and talked in the same furious way. "Just stay out of this, Rachel! He's gonna listen to everything I have to say … to everything that had been burning inside me for many years. You hear me?" she cried, bringing the sharp knife so close to his face that he recoiled in his seat. "It's high time I told you a couple of truths. You're nothing but the lowest scum on the surface of the earth!"

"Louise!" Rachel exclaimed in shock. She was afraid of what the girl could do in the nervous state she was in but nobody dared to move a muscle and kept still.

Lou did not pay any heed to Rachel and continued her angered tirade regardless. "How can you be so damn cynical? I've never heard so much rubbish in my whole life. I'm sick and tired of all your damn lies. I'm just nothing but one of your lies, and I don't even know who I really am because of you. You ruined … destroyed my childhood, my youth, my entire life, father!"

"Don't …" Boggs tried in a bitter voice but Louise cut him off and did not let him utter one more word.

"I know, I know. You're not my father." The girl paused for just one second and inhaled deeply to hold back the tears that pricked her eyes. The room was now in complete silence and everybody's attention was focused on the languid figure brandishing the knife in the middle of the bunkhouse. "I've learned your lies very well. I've learned your scorn, your contempt, your disdain. You're a great teacher and taught me so well, didn't you, father?" she asked ironically with a bitter smile on her lips but Boggs kept quiet in a dignified way. "You and your lies. Some combination. You enjoy telling people I was weird from a very early age, that I was a lonely girl, that I acted funny. Liar and thousand times a liar! I was never weird… I was never aloof… I was never peculiar. I was cheerful and lively, fresh and hopeful, but you killed that girl… that poor girl. I never had any friends because of you, I was lonely because of you, I became a recluse because of you. You told everybody a bunch of lies about me and scared them away. Nobody could doubt Mr. John Boggs's word, could they? I was just a girl, an ordinary girl, and you turned me into an embittered and sad being. You made sure I understood clearly that I was not loved or wanted, and I learned it very well. How could you do that to me? Why on earth do you hate me so much?"

Her voice echoed in the bunkhouse ominously and Louise let out a throaty sigh while trying to control those tears that threatened to drown her, but she fought them stubbornly. She needed to keep strong and voice her truth. "Yes, I know the answer. You are not my father and I am not your daughter," Louise uttered the words sarcastically, her mouth forming a scornful sneer, and as she repeated the statement her countenance became dead serious. "I am not your daughter, but I never asked to be born. Maybe I should never have been born… For you everything was my fault. I never learned what crime I had committed to earn the punishment life became for me. You made me feel that I had no right to breathe, to move, to live…My mere existence meant a sin against everything and against you. I was just a little girl… just a little girl and despite all your hatred and disdain, every day I prayed with all my heart that you noticed me, that you smiled at me, that you loved me. I just wanted a tiny little gesture from you, just one word. One single little word. But every word I got from you was just an expression of your hatred and my worthlessness. I finally understood that no matter what I did or said, I was only worthy of your contempt."

Louise paused again and had a deep intake of air. "It was then that I began to fantasize about my real father. I thought about him all the time and wondered what he would look like, what he would be like. I dreamt that one day he could come and take me away with him. He would be happy to have me as his daughter and would love me as much as you care for Jeremiah and Theresa. He would kiss me good-night , he would tell me stories and tales, he would shower me with presents and he would be very proud of me. It was my dream, my fantasy and in those lonely nights in the asylum that dream was the only thing that comforted me and kept me alive. I never stopped praying that he would save me from that hole." At this point Louise stopped intentionally and then stated, "And I did look for him."

On hearing this Boggs, who had kept his eyes downcast during the whole tirade, looked up and frowned. His reaction made Lou smile wryly while she continued, "Are you surprised? It's the truth. I looked for him, I looked for my father." Louise paused again, and then her voice acquired a bitter and desperate shade as she unfolded her tale. "Some ladies from church regularly came to the asylum and one of them, Mrs. Carpenter, was especially kind to me. We used to have long conversations, and I always talked about my hopes to find my real father. And she helped me." Louise stopped for the umpteenth time as she could feel the tears spilling from her eyes. She wiped them furiously with her free hand and then continued in a whisper, "She went to the town where my mother and you met… where I was born … where Ma spent her youth … where you thought she had betrayed you. Mrs. Carpenter talked to every single soul who had met my mother … her neighbors, her acquaintances, her few relatives, her best friend. But there was nobody else. Nobody knew anything about another man but you. The man who I'd been dreaming about all my life didn't exist. There was no man but you… not other father but you, the person who had managed to turn my whole existence into a living hell."

"That's not true!" Boggs bellowed. "You're lying!"

"It's the truth!" Louise retorted back in the same loud tone. "Nobody else had more interest in finding him than me. There was nobody. Nobody. My real father was the same man who had tormented me and forced me to stay in that dirty, black hole day and night. Can you imagine what that revelation meant to me? It killed me, and I wanted to die. I almost did. That night I managed to let my wrists bleed once again. I was really close that time, but unfortunately I lived." Lou paused, and turned her hand to show the lines on her wrist. "These scars you show around so amusedly represent my whole life. Yes, that's my life: scars. It's funny, ain't it, Mr. Boggs? 'Oh Louise has a damn weird obsession' you say and laugh. Because it's really funny… hilarious, ain't it?" Lou let out a mocking peal of laughter, and when she sobered, she gazed at him with an embittered expression. "I don't have any damned obsessions. Every single time I've slashed my wrists was because I wanted to die, really to die, to leave this world that I never felt I belonged to. I can't carry on. You can't even imagine how life is in that blasted place, just waiting for time to drag by and knowing that your existence is doomed to those four walls. Have you ever felt scared, really scared? Have you ever felt that you can't trust your own shadow and you can't know what's gonna befall you? Nights there are the longest, and days seem to have no end. Have you ever stopped to think and imagine for one single second what I was going though there? I didn't have to imagine it because I lived all that. I do live all that. How would you feel if you were in a place you don't belong to without hope of leaving it ever? There was only one way I could get my freedom, my liberation, only one. I didn't want to carry on with that life. It's a living hell and you … you forced me to face that destiny every single day without remorse or compassion. You know very well I've never been mad … I'm not crazy. You know why I did what I did, don't you, father? You know why a thirteen-year-old girl tried an attempt on her own life. You know it." Lou paused again, and let out her breath. "Don't you ever feel any remorse at all? Can you really sleep at night peacefully and without regrets? Don't you ever give a thought to that night? Ever, father? How could you do that to me? I was just a child … only a child … and you let that man, that horrible man touch me, touch your daughter … have his way with me." A gasp was heard in the room but Louise continued as if she didn't notice anything else around her. "You can't imagine what he did to me, what he forced me to do. I can still remember his fetid breath on my skin, his abusive hands… I still feel disgusted with myself and the nightmares have never ceased." Lou's voice was quivering and at times it faltered, but she did not stop. She felt a strong need to let out what had been eating her for years and she had never dared to voice. "I hope you sold me at a good price, father. I hope my sacrifice did really pay well for you. How the hell do you think I felt? Of course. You don't care. Who would care for a girl who nobody even knows whose she is, who her father is? Who cares if she takes a knife and tries to kill herself? Who cares whether she is really crazy or not? Who cares? Nobody did, nobody does and nobody will."

The room was in complete silence and its occupants' countenances were white with horror as they heard the girl's angry and sad tirade. The flames from the fireplace reflected on her figure and made her appear like a strange vision to their eyes. Nobody dared to say a word and after letting out a heavy sigh, Louise continued in a faint voice. "I'm so tired, so terribly tired. I can't carry on any longer. I just can't. When my baby is born, I'll go, never to come back, and there'll be no mistakes, not this time." She stopped for a minute and gazing at Boggs intently she added in a bitter voice. "Thank you for making my life so perfect, father. Nobody could've done it better." The sobs that she had held back took over and the tears flooded from her eyes in cascades. Louise stared at her hand holding the knife and with a desperate cry she hurled it across the room at full force angrily. Her arms came to bury her face and her bitter wails resounded in the room.

On hearing her cries, Rachel jumped to her feet and ran to the girl. Passing an arm around her shoulders the station mistress held the girl against her while she soothed her, "Shh! Come on, honey. Let's get you out of here and settled in your room. Don't strain yourself anymore."

Louise let Rachel steer her out of the bunkhouse and when the door closed behind them, the room remained in silence. Boggs had his eyes downcast and his hands rested against his chin as if he had been left frozen. Teaspoon and the riders looked shocked and completely horrified. Suddenly, in the silence of the bunkhouse a voice resounded. "Goodness me, she's worse than I thought!"

Very slowly Kid turned his head to one side where his fiancée sat with a teasing smile on her lips. Seeing her look so contented made Kid's irritation soar and he couldn't help snap at her, "Will you shut up!" The girl looked at the rider with a surprised frown and regretting his harshness he simply said, "Come on, I'll take you home."

The couple left after the girl bid the remaining occupants goodbye as if nothing had happened that night. The room remained quiet and Teaspoon finally managed to find his voice. He rose to his feet and muttered in a serious, tone, "Boys, all of a sudden I'm feelin' very sick. I'd better head back to town before I do somethin' I might regret."

Without a single word the marshal walked out of the room without bothering to close the door and one by one the riders followed suit. They all filed out of the bunkhouse leaving a very lonely and shocked Boggs behind.

* * *

**Author's note: This is one of my favourite chapters. I don't know if it's well written or not, but whenever I read it, I can feel and see Lou so clearly in my head that even after all these years I have tears in my eyes after I finish reading the chapter. I wrote this piece long before I wrote all the other chapters, because this was the key moment in the story. I hope you like it as much as I still do.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter XXXVIII**

Kid drove the buckboard towards the Putmans' property while the night's events unfolded in his head. He couldn't stop thinking about Lou's words and the terrible truth they had learned. Louise had never looked so weak and so strong at the same time. Kid had felt a great urge to comfort and hug her but he had also wanted to reach across the table and squeeze Boggs's neck with all his might. He should pay for all the harm he had caused Lou. Yet, Kid hadn't been able to move or even breathe and had kept listening to her as if in a trance.

There were so many disturbing thoughts going on in his mind right now that he couldn't actually form a single coherent idea. What Lou had let out tonight was beyond understanding. How could someone be so cruel and callous? How could someone go out of their way and harm a little girl … a child? Kid had suspected for a while that there was more to the situation between Boggs and Lou than met the eye, but he had never imagined in a million years that what Louise wasn't telling him was so horrifying. Boggs was the perfect gentleman and was very well considered in town. He was amiable to everybody, a good neighbor, a hard-working citizen, a loving father to his two other children and a good husband. His reputation spoke for itself, but apparently he had more skeletons in his closet than anybody could have imagined. Not even his own wife knew his secrets and she had looked absolutely aghast tonight.

Kid wanted to kick himself hard for not realizing what was really going on. Louise had asked him, begged him for his help on several occasions, and he had always turned a deaf ear to her pleads. Why hadn't he listened to her? He should've known all along that she was telling the truth. He had witnessed more often than not how Boggs treated her … how he despised her. Why? Why? Why? Why hadn't he done something? He was devastated and the idea that he might have lost her for good filled him with utter dread.

No more mistakes. He had made the biggest mistake in his life with Lou, but now he'd do his utmost to give her back everything that had been taken from her. That man would never harm her again or come closer. Kid swore to himself that he would see to it that Lou's life would change. It was high time she got back what have been so unjustly denied to her. No more tears, no more suffering.

As he handled the wagon, Patricia kept babbling by his side. She seemed completely unaffected by what she had heard in the bunkhouse tonight and her gay and cheerful demeanor was wearing on the rider. He had always known that his fiancée was quite shallow and self-centered, but Kid expected her to show some kind of humane reaction to what they had learned from Lou's lips. Apart from her out-of-tune comment in the bunkhouse, Patricia hadn't referred to anything about that staggering episode in the bunkhouse. Since leaving the station, she hadn't stopped talking about the wedding and the arrangements as she lately did. Her continuous flow of words was getting on Kid's nerves and even though he heard her rambling half-heartedly, the rider was already getting sick and tired of her monotonous soliloquy.

"We got a letter this morning from Aunt Henrietta," Patricia was saying as they were reaching the property. "You remember her from Christmas, don't you, Kid?" The girl did not give the rider the chance to even nod and continued with her tale, "She says that she might not be able to make it for the wedding. I'm so disappointed. I'm very fond of Aunt Henrietta and she's always very generous in her presents." The girl giggled as she teasingly winked at her fiancé, who in contrast to her looked dead serious. "I've been thinking that maybe we should stop by her place and see her on our honeymoon. What do you think, dear?"

Kid shook his head ruefully as he muttered, "I don't think that's possible."

The girl frowned in obvious disappointment but his words did not deter her, and like always she intended to have her way. She was used to bossing him around as with everybody else, and this time wouldn't be different. "But, Kid, it would be just for a short visit. Her place is on our way and it wouldn't disrupt our plans or our honeymoon."

"Patricia, there's not gonna be a honeymoon."

"What?" the girl exclaimed slightly annoyed. "Don't tell me that your boss isn't letting you have that free time after the wedding!"

"It ain't that. I …"

"Then just quit and leave that dumb job," the girl stated, not giving Kid the chance to explain himself. "We don't need it anyway. After all, we'll be moving to Saint Louis shortly. Nobody's gonna ruin my honeymoon and …"

"Patricia!" Kid called in a loud voice, which almost startled the girl. "Will you listen to me for once?" Patricia looked at him with an unhappy expression and with great difficultly Kid finally said, "There's not gonna be a honeymoon because … there ain't gonna be a wedding."

"What are you talking about?" the girl asked in a shriek voice, horrified at his words.

"It makes no sense and you know it. Our marriage would be a mistake."

"Kid, it's you who aren't making any sense. We are getting married in a month. Everybody knows it, all the arrangements are done."

"Then we'll undo them," the Southerner stated firmly.

The girl stared at him with big eyes, realizing for the first time that he was actually serious. "Please Kid, I'm sure you don't mean that. Are you mad at me? Is it something I did?"

"No, Patricia. You didn't do anything. It ain't that," Kid answered. This was getting as difficult and awkward as he had initially thought. The rider hadn't planned to break up with her tonight, but after what had happened he knew he couldn't stand another day tied to Patricia. It wasn't fair for her and even though parting from her wouldn't mean he would have free way to Louise, he felt he needed to be sincere and clear things up. Patricia was starting to get pretty upset. He hated seeing her like that, but he knew that he had to stop things from getting more complicated.

"Then what is it? You know I love you, Kid."

"But I don't," the rider blurted out without thinking, which left the girl almost in tears. She stared at him open-mouthed as if she was seeing a ghost, her face dead pale and her eyes bright with unshed tears. Noticing the effect his rushed comment had on her, Kid tried to tone down his words. "I do care for you, but not the way a man should love the woman he's gonna marry. It wouldn't be right for us to get married. I'm very sorry."

Patricia seemed to have lost the ability to react or speak, but soon the shock turned into blind fury and she spoke up with the venom of a snake. "This is because of that crazy woman, isn't it? It's always been because of her. She's always been in our way."

"Please, Patricia, just drop it."

"You really believe all those lies she told us tonight, don't you?" she continued in a derisive way. "You're such a fool! She's nothing but a liar. You heard what Mr. Boggs said. She was lying, idiot!"

"Please don't get me started," Kid retorted angrily. Just hearing the banker's name made his blood boil, and he didn't want to get into a nasty fight with Patricia for the wrong reasons. He needed to stay calm and part from her as best as it could be expected given the present circumstances.

"I'm not stupid and I've noticed how you always look at her. How do you think I feel when I realize that you … the man I'm supposed to marry … is drooling over a woman like that? My fiancé … my man smitten … besotted with a demented hussy! Wasn't it enough humiliation to have learned that you got her pregnant? My friends and acquaintances laugh behind my back … mock at me … and I've always defended your name … your honor whenever somebody hinted anything against you. And you know why? Because I love you!"

"Patricia, you don't need to insult somebody who's not here to defend herself," Kid retorted stiffly. He wasn't going to allow anybody … anybody at all to trample over Louise. She had suffered enough and all those snide remarks and veiled insults were uncalled for. "It's me you're talking with. Leave Lou out of this, understood?"

The comment did not sit well with the girl at all, who looked as if she were about to eat the rider alive. "Is that all you've heard? Lou … Lou … Lou… always Lou. You're dumping me as if I was dirty water and all you care about is … her! I also have feelings!"

"I told you I'm sorry!"

"Your apologies are useless to me! You can keep them because I don't need them!"

"Look, Patricia," Kid added, trying to control the situation. They were both very upset and might end up saying something they might regret later. "I never meant to harm you and I swear I tried my best to make things work between us. Honestly. I tried and tried. But I realized that I just couldn't and it wouldn't be fair for you. This has nothing to do with Lou or any other woman."

Patricia looked at him with a bitter gesture, clearly not believing his explanation and after a beat she said, "Tell me something… and I want the truth ... Do you love her?"

"What?" the rider let out with a confused frown on his face. "Patricia, for goodness' sake!"

"Do you love her?" the girl repeated with a proud demeanor. "Come on, tell me. Are you or are you not in love with her?" Kid stared at her unblinkingly and then he nodded his head in confirmation of her words. At his answer Patricia looked so red in the face that it seemed as if she was going to explode. "You're nothing but a skunk. An ignorant ruffian. A sick man. As sick as her. Go with her and let them lock you two up in a madhouse. Nice place for your love nest! I must've been blind … totally blind to fall for the likes of you! What a fool I've been!" With those last words Patricia jumped off the buckboard and in the angry state she was in, her legs staggered and she fell on the ground. Kid quickly slid off the wagon and tried to help her back onto her feet, but she shoved him away gruffly. "Don't touch me! Don't you ever dare touch me again! Don't come closer to me! Don't breathe next to me! I don't want to see you … ever again! Ever again!"

The girl seemed to be in hysterics, and Kid thought it better not to say a word. Anything he'd say would make things worse, so he bore her lashings stoically. Patricia scrambled to her feet and while she kept throwing insults and loud words at the rider, she ran to the house and even when she stepped inside, slamming the door behind her, Kid could still hear her voice.

The rider shook his head ruefully. This wasn't the way he'd have wanted to break things off with Patricia. They had been together for many months and he had to admit that even though he wasn't in love with her, he had grown quite fond of the girl. Of course he had known that the moment he decided to break up with her, they wouldn't remain friends. Patricia was that kind of woman. Yet, he had hoped that their separation could be more cordial or at least he had expected she would keep up her dignity and composure. Patricia had reacted ten times worse than he had first thought she would, and Kid knew that he had turned Patricia Putman into his eternal enemy. Kid looked around the property in the moonlight, fully aware that he'd never set foot here again, and with a sigh he got onto the buckboard again and drove away.

* * *

Rachel sat on her rocking chair in the lounge, swinging back and forth in a monotonous motion. After steering Lou out of the bunkhouse, the station mistress had taken her to the bedroom and tried to calm her down. She had put her to bed and Louise had finally cried herself to sleep. There had been no words between them, except for the ones Rachel had used to appease her. It had broken her heart to see her look so bitter and small while her body was racked by sobs. The station mistress didn't know what to tell her, how to react after hearing that creepy and horrible tale from the girl's lips. Rachel didn't want to believe it, didn't want to admit that her husband was the man who had performed all those cruelties, but she knew that she couldn't deny it any longer. On other occasions Lou had hinted to her what her father was really like, but Rachel had never wanted to believe her. How could she admit that John … her John could be such a horrible person? The truth was too terrifying and Rachel just wanted to cry.

Twenty minutes had passed since she had left Louise sleeping in her bedroom. Rachel kept rocking back and forth … back and forth … back and forth while she watched the front door with eager eyes. John hadn't come back from the bunkhouse yet but sooner or later he would be entering through the door. Another ten minutes went by, and it was then that she could hear heavy steps on the wooden floor of the porch. It was John; his gait was unmistakable. The sound of steps stopped for a moment, and Rachel could imagine that he wasn't too eager to call home tonight. He wasn't a fool and he could expect that Lou's terrible speech hadn't left anyone indifferent.

The knob finally twisted very slowly, and the door creaked open. Boggs took short steps but stopped as he saw his wife. The couple stared at each other in silence and then the banker whispered in a serious tone, "Rachel." The station mistress rose from the chair and walked up to her husband. "What are you doing still up?"

"Waiting for you," Rachel answered, her arms folded over her chest in a defensive fashion and her voice showed no hint that she was amused at all.

"It's late," the banker added, averting his eyes from her intense stare. "We better go to bed."

"No!" the woman retorted in a loud voice. "We need to talk."

"Talk about what?"

"About Louise, what else?" Rachel exclaimed angrily. "Are you so … so … so inhuman that what she told us hasn't affected you at all?"

Boggs turned around from her and started pouring himself a glass of whisky. "What do you expect me to say? She completely lost it."

"You know that's not it. She really got to you, didn't she?"

"She was pointing at me with that knife!" Boggs exclaimed angrily as he swirled back around quickly. "Of course she got to me! I felt threatened!"

"You know that's not what I mean, John!" Rachel replied in an angered tone. "Your daughter spoke very clearly tonight, and I can't believe you don't care."

"She's not my daughter!" he said gruffly after downing the contents of his glass in one swig.

Rachel shook her head in frustration at his pig-headed attitude, but instead of reasoning with him, she added, "Tell me what happened that night, John."

"What night?" he asked dismissively.

"You know what night I mean," Rachel wheezed, running out of patience. "The night Louise first tried to kill herself." Boggs shook his head wearily and tried to walk away, but Rachel held him by the arm. He wouldn't dodge her questions, not this time. "Tell me, John. Did you let that man touch her?"

The banker gazed at her with a weary countenance and finally said, "He was an important client and took a peculiar liking to her. He kept bugging me about her, and I first said no, but he was impossible to stall. He even hinted that he might cancel his bank accounts and remove his money. What the hell was I supposed to do? I really thought he was serious about her … that I'd actually be able to marry her off, but he just walked away."

Rachel stared at him with big eyes in utter horror. This was the same man she had married less than a year ago, but now she realized she didn't know who he really was. "You let that man rape your daughter because it was good for your damn business!"

"She's not my daughter!"

"And that justifies it?" Rachel barked loudly. "So let me get this straight. If a man comes to you saying that he's got a sudden … liking to me or Theresa, should we just be prepared to comply for the good of the business?"

"Don't be stupid, Rachel," Boggs retorted roughly. "That's … just monstrous. How could you ever think that I …?"

"That's what you did to Louise, John! Haven't you ever felt any remorse at all? What kind of man are you? How could you keep living with a clear conscience knowing that you looked away while your daughter was being raped?"

"She's not my daughter!" Boggs bellowed again, losing the little patience he had left.

"John, dammit, stop fooling yourself! You never tried to find out the truth about Louise during all these years … a truth that she easily unburied even from her forced reclusion in that damned asylum! How could you? How could you? Didn't you ever feel the slightest curiosity to learn the truth about the girl who called you pa, and you simply scorned and despised?"

"I knew the truth … I do know the truth," Boggs replied stiffly. "She ain't mine, and I did my best with her. I brought her up, I fed her, clothed her, gave her a home …"

"And then you made sure she paid you back, uh?" Rachel retorted scornfully. "What happened when that … that disgusting bastard used her up? Did you pack her up to that asylum and thus got rid of her?"

"I called the doctor to save her life when I found her and saw what she had done … when I saw her arms bleeding!"

"How considerate of you!" Rachel exclaimed sarcastically. "You could have let her bleed to death, and as you say, she wouldn't have been a problem! Or maybe you preferred to make her suffer more?"

"I did what I thought best! After coming round she was like crazy! Kept howling and wailing all day long and even tried to hit me! I sent her away for everybody's welfare! I had two small children to consider, and I really thought she had gone nuts!"

"She was a thirteen-year-old girl … a child who had been abused… ill-treated … who nobody … not even her own father would move a finger for. How the hell do you think she must have felt? She was just a child, John, a child! I'm surprised she's still with us after having endured so much in her young life. I don't think I would've." She paused and let out a heart-felt sigh. "She's an amazing woman, and it's a real pity that you don't know … you will never know what a great person your daughter actually is." Her voice wobbled and the tears started to pour down from her eyes. In a flash all these months she had known Louise appeared on her mind like a picture book and Rachel felt in her own flesh how wrong she had been about her stepdaughter. She had treated her most unfairly and had only seen through her husband's eyes, judged her with his measures, considered her with his mind …

Boggs stared at his crying wife for a few minutes and then said, "I'm not gonna repeat the same over and over again, Rachel. She's not my daughter, understood? I don't want to argue anymore. Let's go to bed, and we'll talk tomorrow."

Boggs directed his steps towards the staircase but Rachel quickly intercepted him and placing herself just at the foot of the stairs she said, "No, John. There's nothing else we need to talk about."

"What do you mean, Rachel?"

"I want you to leave my house. I … I can't live with you any longer."

"You can't be serious, Rachel," Boggs replied, looking into her eyes intently with a horror expression.

"I am," the woman stated in a weak voice.

"Rachel, please. We're married. We love each other. You can't ruin everything we have because of her!"

"Louise doesn't have anything to do with this, John. She just made me realize a couple of truths. I thought I loved you, but right now I don't even know who you really are. I can't continue with this marriage when I have no idea who my husband is. It hurts me terribly, but I just can't."

Being a proud man, Boggs adopted a stiff posture and lifting his chin he swirled around from her. The banker decisively marched out of the house without saying a single word, slamming the door shut behind him. Rachel kept staring at the door with teary eyes, hearing his footsteps gradually fading and when there was nothing but silence she broke into loud sobs.

Breaking up with John was the hardest thing she had ever done. She had loved him… she still loved him, but she couldn't stick around somebody who had morally betrayed her. They had been happy and she would have carried on … ignorant of his acts and his true self. He had lied to her, made her believe a bunch of lies. And what was worse, he had made her act against Louise … and all because of his shrewd influence. If in all these months something had happened to Lou, Rachel felt she couldn't have been able to live with herself. Because of her, Lou had had to face charges of murder, because of her she had almost lost her baby last Christmas, because of her she had suffered isolation, loneliness and complete seclusion.

Things could have been so different if she had suspected the truth … if she had questioned John's lies. Not once had she considered to doubt his word. Rachel knew that she couldn't undo the harm that her husband and to a less degree she herself had caused the girl, but after tonight she swore to herself that Lou's life would change for the better. No more chains, no more distrust, no more seclusion. Lou would be given back the freedom and the right she should never have divested of in the first place. She would start living like the seventeen-year-old girl she was, like the sane and healthy seventeen-year-old girl she was. It was high time.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter XXXIX**

The mid-morning sunrays reflected on the spotless window pane as if it were a mirror, which made it impossible for the onlooker to see what was behind the glass. Kid stood by the corner outside the barn which was shaded, leaning against its wooden wall, his arms joined across his back while he stared intently at the window on the upper floor of the white-washed house. He had been in that position for the last hour, unblinkingly gazing at that window but unable to move.

Since breaking up with Patricia the night before, a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest. He now regretted having let things with her go that far, and logically his story with Patricia had ended up very badly. Their courtship had been very bizarre; he had found himself engaged to be married only three months after he had started seeing the girl. Patricia had been the one pushing them both in the direction she had wanted, and he had simply let her impose her will.

Although he felt he had no justification and he was the one to blame in the situation, Kid knew that his gloomy mood over Louise had made him act so impassively. Yet, he had no excuses and had wound up hurting two women. First, he had made one of them harbor hopes in a future that was not real and then he had turned a deaf ear to the reality the other one had tried to show him. All lies. In the last months his life had been full of lies: the ones he had told Patricia, and the ones he had believed about Louise.

Last night he had understood that he had to break straightaway with all those half truths that were part of his life. The first step had been to break off his engagement to Patricia, and even though he'd have preferred to have parted from her under better circumstances, today he felt liberated and renewed inside. He needed to start from scratch and now the next logical step would be to talk to Lou, but somehow he couldn't muster the courage to do so. He hadn't seen her again since she had left the bunkhouse after her terrible account last night.

Kid wondered how she was and really wanted to see her, but he felt frozen to the spot. Naturally he knew the clear limits lying between him and Lou. However much he wanted to talk to her about love, promise her a future or simply hold her between his arms, he was aware that he couldn't do that. He had no right to approach her with those intentions after the way he had treated her in the last few months. She was the woman he loved, he had known that all along and there would be no other… ever. She was the only one and would always be. Kid was ready to admit that he had definitely lost her because of his own foolishness, but he could still be her friend. They were going to have a baby together, a child that would bond them forever, and Kid swore to himself that he would be there for her… always. There would be no more prison walls for her and Kid told himself he'd guide her… help her to come back to a world she should never have been expelled from. He'd be her friend above all, help her to build up her life, take back what she had been robbed of and enjoy the happiness she deserved. Even when one day she logically found love in someone else, Kid told himself that she'd have his support as a friend however much it hurt He would be happy for her even though he suffered in loneliness for what he should have fought in the first place.

A rattling sound made Kid look away from the window, and then he saw Rachel stepping out of her house. She started walking across the yard very slowly and with a lethargic gait. The rider knew that she was suffering last night's consequences harder than anybody else. That morning during breakfast she had announced to Teaspoon and the riders that Boggs wasn't living in the house anymore. She had practically sent him packing, and even though the station mistress had assured them that she was fine, Kid could see that she was just trying to pull a strong face.

Rachel had really loved John Boggs and searing her bonds from the banker couldn't have been easy at all. That very morning Boggs had sent Martin, one of his employees, to the station to collect some of his belongings. Kid imagined that the man wouldn't have the guts to face anybody at the station after last night or he simply didn't want to see Rachel. In any case, the woman had looked very glum and sullen as she had handed the cases to Martin. No, it wasn't easy for her. Besides, breaking up with Boggs also meant to part from his children too. Rachel had grown very fond of the two siblings; she had practically felt as if she was their ma and the idea of not having the children around would be totally shattering for her.

Rachel reached Kid's side and neither said anything for a few moments. Now that she was closer, Kid could recognize the signs of a bad night in her countenance. "How are you, Rachel?"

The woman exhaled wearily and said, "I'll survive … I guess."

"You know you ain't alone," the rider added and Rachel nodded with a weak smile. "But are you sure you made the right decision? Regardless what we think of him, he's your husband and …"

"No, Kid," Rachel cut him off. "I did what I had to do. Last night it felt as if I had a stranger before my eyes. He practically admitted everything Louise told us, but he kept believing that all his actions were justified."

"The bastard…" Kid let out angrily and noticing Rachel's odd expression, he regretted his foul language. "Sorry… I …"

"No, you're right. He's a bastard," the woman agreed bitterly. "What saddens me most is that I didn't realize the truth before. I should've seen through his lies the first time Louise stayed with us."

"And if she hadn't spoken up last night, we'd still be believing all that crap," Kid remarked pointedly. Rachel nodded sadly and the rider continued, "Could you imagine losing four years… four long years of your life in a place like that and be unable to do anything about it? And worse still is knowing that it's your own father torturing you." Kid was totally incensed. He had experienced in his flesh and soul how his own father had been a cruel animal to his family. His body still kept the remainders of his beatings; the scars were still noticeable on his body and the ones which would never disappear were the ones left in his very soul. Lou's case was even worse than his. He had been able to escape that terrible life when his father had left for good. All Lou had known in life had been cruelty and scorn, and had been denied the goodness she really deserved.

"We'll try to make it up to her," Rachel stated firmly, "won't we?"

Kid nodded without the slightest trace of doubt, even though he knew that no matter what they did, nobody could make those terrible years disappear. He remained in silence for a few minutes and then out of the blue he said, "You know there's no Patricia and me anymore."

Rachel looked at him with a surprised frown and asked, "So what's gonna happen now?"

"I don't know," the rider admitted ruefully. "All I want is to be there for Lou and our baby."

"Shouldn't you be saying all that to her instead of me?" the woman remarked pointedly.

"Yes, I know. I want to see her, but … it ain't that easy. I'm totally ashamed of myself after all these months," the rider said bitterly and after a short pause he asked, "Did you get to see her this morning? How was she?"

"Just barely. She was asleep and woke up to tell me she was tired and wanted to skip breakfast and sleep some more. It's a logical thing at this stage of her pregnancy," Rachel explained when the rider made a gesture of concern. "I know she has already got up. Heard her steps coming from upstairs."

"Haven't you gone to talk to her yet?"

"I guess I'm ashamed of myself too," the woman admitted. "I don't even know what to tell her." The pair remained in silence for a few minutes, both of them automatically directing their eyes up to Lou's window. It was then that they sighted the lace curtains discreetly flapping which told them that Louise was back in her usual position behind the window.

Kid cast a look to Rachel and said, "I don't want her to feel trapped like a wild animal any longer. I want her to feel free and go wherever she chooses to, make her own decisions… decide over her own person. She needs to live the life she has been denied, be treated and feel like a normal person."

Rachel nodded in agreement, understanding the rider's reasoning and frustration. She was in a similar position to his; she had grown very fond of Louise, had understood how brilliant and special she was, but she had never doubted that she was anything but a crazy girl. As Kid had rightly said, she also felt ashamed of her own behavior and hadn't been able to find the courage to stand before the girl.

Kid let out a deep sigh and said, "I guess I'd better go and see her. She might think we didn't believe her yesterday and still consider her insane."

Rachel smiled at him in encouragement when the rider started walking towards the house. He crossed the yard with slow steps, and as he made his way inside the house, he racked his brains to find the suitable words to tell her. It was going to be very difficult to express everything he wanted to say. Kid did not want to blunder it with her again; he tended to turn into a clumsy clown whenever she was around but this time required no more mistakes or hesitations.

The rider stood before her bedroom door for a few seconds and after breathing in deeply, he knocked. There was no answer and after a few seconds he knocked louder. This time he heard a very faint "come in" and opened the door cautiously. When he slid inside, he located her before the window. She was holding the curtains to one side to have a clear view of the yard before her window, but when she noticed Kid's presence, she dropped the material and turned to him.

"Hey!" the rider greeted warmly.

The girl smiled while answering to his greeting, "Hey yourself!" Kid stared at her in silence, mesmerized by her smile. He couldn't understand how she could smile after the life she had led… how she could smile at him after the way he had treated her. He didn't deserve her smile … he didn't even deserve her cordiality … her friendship. He felt so unworthy that he had the urge to fall on his knees and ask for her forgiveness. Yet, he remained there staring at the girl with big eyes. Lou's words finally managed to snap him out of his thoughtful state. "Is it time?"

"Time?" Kid repeated in confusion.

"For my daily walk."

"Uh … yeah… I mean… no… we'll do whatever you feel like," Kid replied clumsily. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he seemed unable to form a coherent thought and stuttered like a complete fool.

Louise walked to the other end of the room where her rocking chair was and dropped onto it. "I'm very tired," she simply said.

Those words echoed the ones she had uttered last night, that implicit threat against her own life. She had said she was tired of everything and didn't want to carry on. The memory was too frightening and as an almost reflex act Kid blurted out, "Don't say that, Lou!"

"Why not?" the girl asked with an expression of utter bewilderment.

"Last night …" Kid started, but stopped when Louise looked down in apparent embarrassment. The rider approached her and crouched before the rocking chair she was sitting on. Placing two fingers under her chin, Kid tilted her face towards him so that she could meet his gaze. "Keep your head up, Lou. There's nothing you have to feel ashamed of, but rather the opposite." He paused briefly and after a beat he added, "You're an amazing woman, Louise McCloud."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are," Kid contradicted her firmly.

"I don't want you to pity me," Louise replied, her eyes suddenly getting a singular glow.

"Lou, I don't pity you, honestly. I just know I've never met anybody as intelligent, brave and remarkable as you… I'm serious." At his praising words Lou gave him a sheepish smile and both of them kept staring at each other's eyes. The rider now realized how close her face was from his, and he knew that with one slight movement he could reach and kiss her. His heart started pounding wildly and all his self was intent on her smiling and beautiful mouth. He wanted to kiss her… had wanted to do so for many months, but he just couldn't. It wouldn't be fair for her. He had already caused enough havoc in her life, so with an almost supernatural effort he rose to his feet and turned away from her. No way was he going to do her any more harm. She deserved better than him, and he had no right to claim her as his own because he had lost that opportunity too long ago.

When he turned around back to her, she was staring in his direction with a confused expression on her countenance. Lou had noticed his awkwardness and for just a few seconds she had believed that he would kiss her, but logically it hadn't happened. His indifference didn't surprise her anymore, but his attitude just now had been anything but cold or detached. She had felt his hand on her chin tremble and seen his face turn all tender like the first time they had played to be in love. But again the illusion had broken again as soon as he had moved away from her.

"Lou…" Kid called and when he had her full attention he said, "You know, nobody's taking away the baby from you. Nobody. You're its only ma and I'm its only pa. Nobody's gonna take your place."

Louise gazed at him curiously, wondering whether he was actually serious, and she actually noticed that he really meant what he had said. She smiled and kept looking at his eyes in an attempt to find out whether there was more to his words, but his face did not give anything else away. Kid was granting her wish but she couldn't even move. She felt happier than she had ever been… she was going to keep her child, be a mother for real. Yet, somehow her joy wasn't complete. She wanted more… wished for more, but she silently told herself that she should be thankful for what she was receiving. There were other worries that kept bugging her which she voiced to the rider, "I saw my father leaving last night" The loud disagreement between Rachel and Boggs had awoken her and peering out of the window, Lou had seen him ride out into the night. "Has he left Rachel… for good?"

"I… I think so."

At his answer Louise began to panic. "What's gonna happen to me now?"

"Lou, you needn't worry. You just need to focus on the baby and …"

"I have no money… I have no home… How are the baby and I gonna survive? How am I gonna support us? I don't…"

"Lou, please, don't fear," Kid tried to appease her coming closer to where she was still sitting on the rocking chair. "This is your home… Rachel wants you here and as far as I'm concerned, I'll see to it that you and our baby have everything you need."

"But…"

"No buts, Lou. You need to move on with your life… forget the asylum and I'm gonna help you … if you let me."

Louise smiled gladly, feeling a bit calmer and added, "I don't wanna be a burden for you…"

"You could never be a burden, honey," Kid replied truthfully. "You know I'm your friend, and I want to be there for you two." On hearing him mention friendship Lou's face fell in disappointment. She knew that he was engaged to Patricia, but there were still tiny hopes in her heart. They had come closer in the last weeks and the apparent change in her situation made her wish for the whole lot. Kid instantly noticed her change of demeanor and asked, "Something wrong, Lou?"

"No, I'm just tired, very tired," she lied, looking away from him.

"Then I'll leave you alone so that you can have your rest," the rider added and turned towards the door, but stopped mid-way when he heard her call his name.

"Please Kid don't go," she muttered in an almost begging tone. "I don't wanna be alone."

The Southerner walked a few steps closer to where she sat and a smile shone in his eyes as he said, "I ain't going anywhere. I'll be here for as long as you need me." Louise responded to his smile and told herself to treasure this moment in her heart because soon Kid would be a married man and there would be no moments like this. Today was the beginning of her freedom but also the beginning of the end of her hopes.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter XL**

"Have you seen Louise?" Rachel asked the riders as they filed in the bunkhouse and sat down at the table like every night. She had rung the bell for dinner, and she had expected the girl to turn up after the boys. After spending the morning in the room, Lou had finally left the house, accompanied by Kid. They had gone for a leisurely walk, and then she had spent the day sitting either on the house swing or at the bunkhouse porch while watching the daily activity around the station.

Rachel could tell that something had really changed. Louise's face showed a shine that wasn't there before and only for that breaking up with John didn't feel so painful. Rachel had eventually been able to talk to her, and even though they hadn't touched anything related to the previous night, the station mistress now felt an immense sensation of relief just for closing that wound that she thought had opened in the last few months. Rachel knew that sooner or later they would have to talk about John, but she didn't know if she wanted to know anything else about her husband's doings. What she had learnt the night before was horrifying, and she wasn't sure if her heart could endure listening to more details that Lou had surely omitted.

"I thought she was already here," Kid added with a concerned frown. His friends had taken upon themselves to cover him while he spent a couple of hours with Lou. They knew that he needed that time alone with the girl. Yet, he couldn't stay idle all day long and eventually continued with his chores. While he had been working around the station he had kept watching her as she sat at the bunkhouse porch or Rachel's house. Her presence filled him with a strange sense of joy. Later on the day Lou had gone back inside the house when the air had turned cooler, and Kid hadn't seen her since. When Rachel had called for dinner, he had imagined that Lou was already in the bunkhouse. Her not being there filled him with concern. In the last stage of her pregnancy she looked very haggard and was always exhausted, and Kid was afraid for her welfare.

"Maybe she fell asleep," Rachel hurriedly added, noticing the worry in the rider's features. "I'll go and see her. Won't be long."

When Rachel reached the girl's bedroom, she found Lou sitting on the bed, her back very straight and her hands resting on her lap. "Honey, are you feeling all right?" she asked when she stood before her.

"Yes, I'm fine," Lou answered without the slightest hesitation, and Rachel could see that she didn't look as weary and off-color as she had looked in the last few days.

"I called for dinner. Didn't you hear the bell?" the station mistress asked again while she sat down next to her on the bed.

"Yes, I did."

"Then what's wrong?" Rachel gazed at the girl and in that very moment her eyes told her the answer to her question. "Honey, you don't need permission to come and go as you please. Not anymore. We made a big, big mistake with you, but now you are gonna start living as you should have lived… like a normal girl."

"I don't know what normal means," muttered Lou in a mellow tone.

"Then let us help you, will you?" Rachel replied with a big smile, squeezing the girl's hand affectionately.

Louise nodded and kept thoughtful for a few moments. "Don't you miss my father, Rachel?" she asked after that silent lapse.

The woman let out a deep sigh and her countenance changed from gay to sullen. "Actually I do," she admitted bitterly. "Very much indeed."

"I know he loves you," Louise stated. "He'd never do you or … my siblings any harm. Whatever happened between him and me is another story… it's got nothing to do with you."

"Louise, it has everything to do," Rachel contradicted her. "I could never be with someone who wound intentionally harm an innocent child in such a cruel way, could you?"

The girl shook her head ruefully while she said, "I didn't have many options. I was that child."

Rachel cursed herself for her clumsiness and for sounding so dogmatic before Louise, the one who had really experienced in her own flesh what it was like to be the victim of an abusing father. "Forgive me, honey. I didn't mean…"

The girl did not even hear Rachel's unfinished apology and continued as if she were talking to herself. "You know what, Rachel? Despite everything, I never hated him. In fact, I don't hate him. All I've always wanted was for him to love me. I've wasted my whole life wishing my father would love me, something clearly impossible. And only for that I feel very sad and angry at the same time."

Rachel sighed with a glum countenance. It broke her heart to hear Lou talking and as she had told Kid that very morning, she was also ashamed of herself for her part in that lie that John had built around her. "I'm really sorry, Louise."

The girl's head shot round towards the station mistress and looked at her with utter confusion. "It ain't your fault, Rachel."

"Maybe not, but I haven't treated you right in all this time."

Lou did not need to hear the meaning behind her words to understand what her stepmother meant. The event that led to her imprisonment for a couple of days had changed the relationship between the two women. The cordiality and friendship they had shared since they met turned to suspicion and coldness. Lou had felt Rachel's accusation as a betrayal, and the station mistress had started distrusting the girl since her confrontation with Patricia. "I've forgotten all that," Lou said with a smile. "And I'm ready to start from scratch."

"Me too," Rachel replied, joining in her glee. She kept quiet and after that brief pause she continued, intending to let in the open something that had been bugging her all morning. "And Louise, you know this is your home as long as you want it to be. Maybe we haven't made you feel welcome, but know that me, Teaspoon and the boys do care for you and your baby. You're part of this family and don't go believing we do this out of pity." Lou nodded in silence and the woman added. "Now let's go or there'll be a riot in that bunkhouse if I don't start serving the food to those hungry boys."

Louise smiled amusedly and rose to her feet after Rachel. "You know Kid's there," the station mistress added, wiggling her eyebrows enticingly. Now that the Southerner had decided to straighten up his life, Rachel hoped he and Louise could sort out their situation. The boy was obviously smitten with the girl and had even been thinking about breaking off with everything, looking after her and forming a family with her even before Lou had made them see the reality. Rachel rightly guessed that they hadn't had it easy and it was high time that they both enjoyed that affection freely.

"Is that woman there too?" Lou asked, snapping the blonde lady out of her thoughtfulness.

"What woman?"

"Kid's fiancée," Lou answered seriously. "I don't like her."

Rachel stared at her in confusion and replied awkwardly. "No, she ain't there." She paused briefly and added, "But … didn't Kid talk to you?"

"Yeah, he did. Why? Something wrong?"

"Uh… no," Rachel replied. "Come on, let's go, honey." Both women walked out of the bedroom in silence. The station mistress didn't understand why Kid hadn't told Louise about his break-up with Patricia. As of last night he was a free man, without commitments and had a right to pursue and approach the woman he had loved all along. So much time had been wasted because of John's lies that Rachel had believed that Kid would have wanted to make up for those long months. Naturally the Southerner was not one to rush things and he had admitted being ashamed of how things had gone on between him and Lou. Rachel imagined that he'd take his time to talk to the girl about his feelings and desires, but the station mistress expected that at least he'd have told her about his new situation. Rachel didn't know what the rider's intentions were, but she hoped that his so upright sense didn't lead him to act like a fool. Lou needed him… and not just like a friend. She needed to be shown that she was genuinely loved and wasn't the unworthy person her father had made her believe she was for years. Kid could make her see how special… how important she actually was. Words weren't enough… words were as feeble as air. Louise would need something more… something more than air.

* * *

Little by little Louise got used to, as Rachel called it, her new life. As a matter of fact, there weren't many changes in her daily routine since in her present condition there weren't many things she could do. She felt very heavy, was tired most of the day and besides, Kid and Rachel never let her wander out of their sight. She still had two months to go but they insisted that she could never be too careful, and on certain occasions women went into labor before their due time. In that case, the chances for the baby's survival were usually scarce, and Lou prayed that when the time came, everything went as it should.

Despite her limited scope of action, Lou had to admit that things were much better now. She wasn't forced to stay in her room all day long and her relationship with everybody at the station had improved notably. Those wary looks and expressions had disappeared from the riders' countenances and now they all treated her as an equal. They included her in their jokes and conversations, and Lou had found she enjoyed their company greatly. She now had the chance to talk to them and was starting to see them in another light. They were good men and she was beginning to consider them as friends.

The only one who hadn't changed much was Kid. He still tried to spend time with her; they talked lengths about their baby and laughed together about anything silly he came up with. Louise enjoyed being with him deeply, but there was always a latent pain in her heart of what she couldn't have and desired. Kid never mentioned Patricia and Lou didn't dare to ask what was going to happen when the baby was born and he'd be a married man. If all went according to plan, Kid would be moving to Saint Louis. He had told her that nobody would take the baby from her, but what about him? Lou wanted her baby to know and enjoy its pa like any other child even though its parents weren't together. Kid was a good man and she was sure he'd be an excellent father. Yet, if he was living hundreds of miles away, he wouldn't be around much. He'd probably start coming for a visit regularly, maybe once a month, which would later turn to every other month and as time dragged along, he would limit his visits to birthdays and Christmas. Of course one day when he had a family of his own with Patricia, his calls would gradually be farther and farther in between until sometime he wouldn't come at all.

The idea saddened Lou deeply and she'd rather not get used to something good if she was going to end up losing it. Life unavoidably followed its course, and even though Kid's good intentions were genuine and firm, obligations and routine wouldn't give him many options. Louise told herself that she should talk to Kid first before fretting over something she didn't know. Maybe he'd make new arrangements for the baby's sake and he might stay and live in Sweetwater. That would be the best solution. Yet, Lou knew that a woman like Patricia wouldn't accept willingly to spend her whole life in a small town. On the other hand, Lou was also aware that Kid loved his child over anything else, and he might manage to do the impossible. He had already fought everybody and everything for the baby. But for Kid, she'd still be in the asylum and her baby would have died. He had come to rescue her from those butchers and in these last months he had stood by her side when everybody else was against her like the time she had been accused of that horrible murder.

Naturally she had been sore at him for some of the decisions he had made, but she knew that circumstances had forced him to. The baby was the important bit here and she'd also have done anything, go against anybody to safeguard its welfare. Everybody including Kid had believed that she was crazy, that she was unsafe, and even though she had felt betrayed and completely desolate during all these months, Lou could now understand his doings. When she had revealed the truth that night, he had been the first to believe her, to offer her his support, his friendship… Things had really changed, so maybe Kid's plans to move out of town had also suffered some alterations.

"Lou?"

Louise looked up to find herself glancing at Kid's concerned eyes. Today she had been giving Rachel a hand with the laundry and when her back had cried out to stop, she had come to rest on the bunkhouse wooden porch where she had been ruminating till now. Lou had been so immersed in her own thoughts that she had never realized that Kid was before her until he had called her name. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Wrong? No, of course not! Why?"

"You… look kinda sullen," the rider explained, studying her countenance carefully and trying to distinguish whether she wasn't hiding anything from him.

"Yeah… well… I'm bored," Lou replied with an exaggerated pout. She didn't feel like sharing her thoughts with Kid… at least not yet, even though sometimes she had the impression he could read her mind as easily as a book. Louise didn't want to discuss that matter that worried her so much. She'd rather be in the dark for a bit more and enjoy this time in ignorance for as long as she could. Kid's marriage to that spoiled girl would be soon enough and she'd hear plenty of it when the time came.

Kid chuckled at the expression of her face and soon Lou found herself laughing alongside him. It felt so natural and right to joke around him and when they both sobered, the rider said, "I was about to ride into town. Would you like to tag along? I can hitch the wagon if you want me to."

"To town?" Lou repeated with an apprehensive countenance. She didn't like going to Sweetwater. There were too many people who would point out their accusing fingers at her. She didn't feel comfortable whenever she had to go. "You and me… to town?"

Kid knew where Lou's reticence came from, and he hated to see her shrink back because of those snobs and bigots that abounded in Sweetwater. Lou had lived part of her life secluded mentally and physically, and he wanted all that to finish. Lou should be able to feel free and walk proudly wherever she chose to. Kid wasn't going to allow anybody to make her doubt herself even more or feel ashamed. "Lou, don't fear," he said in a firm tone. "Don't let anybody look down on you because they ain't right. I'll be there with you… I can't let you die of boredom, can I?"

At his joke Lou let out a very tiny and awkward smile and added, "No man would dare to be seen in my company. I'm a disgrace."

"But I ain't any man." _I'm the one who loves you_, he wanted to say but refrained from it, and added, "I really want to have a good time in town with you. It's fine if you don't feel like joining me, but please don't hold back on account of others."

Louise stared at him wonder. Lately he was treating her as no man had ever done. He was kind and considerate and sometimes Lou thought she was back to those times when they had pretended to play that forbidden romance of theirs. Back then she had felt like the luckiest girl in the world for just those brief moments and now the feeling was back. Yet, she had to remind herself that there was somebody else in his life. They were joined by something big, a child, a bond that would link them for all of eternity, but Kid wasn't in love with her. He was just a friend, a very good friend.

Lou realized that Kid was looking at her waiting for her answer and without the slightest doubt her face creased into a big smile and she let him hold her hand and steer her towards the stables.

* * *

Louise smiled from ear to ear as she followed Kid out of the tearoom where they had just enjoyed a nice conversation over a hot cup of coffee and a scrumptious huge chunk of apple pie. After the errands Kid had to run in town, he had suggested they had a special treat at Mrs. Miller's establishment. He had been right in his earlier appreciations about forgetting about others. Lou had simply concentrated on him and on enjoying herself and hadn't even noticed the sneers and looks of the people passing them by or the cold reception they had received in the tearoom.

None of that really mattered and Louise told herself that she should stop worrying about what others thought. In fact, she had never paid any heed to people's opinions but since she had got pregnant, many things had changed in herself. Maybe she should do as Kid had told her to and go back to her origins. After all, she had been granted the opportunity to live for real and should make the most of it while it lasted.

Kid was already waiting for her on the street when she stepped out of the building. They exchanged smiles and Lou started to walk towards the stables where they had left the wagon, but she stopped short when she realized that Kid wasn't following. The girl turned round back towards him in bewilderment.

"Not like that, Lou, like this," the rider said, holding out his arm for her to take it. Louise stared at his arm as if it were some kind of strange object and only when the rider urged her, she hooked hers around his shyly. "That's better," Kid said smiling as they started strolling, "A fine lady should never walk alone."

Lou smiled even more widely at his comment. She didn't feel like a lady; actually she didn't know what being a lady meant. In a way she still felt as if she were thirteen and had no idea how to be an adult in the real world. She had to learn so much. Her stay at the asylum had frozen her as a person and in those four years she had lived in a fake and distorted world. Now she had to start learning how to be a person again and not just a pitiful shadow. Kid, Rachel and the rest were helping her and she was doing her best to settle but at times she felt overwhelmed.

As they walked along, Lou kept staring at Kid with a bright smile but that smile vanished as soon as she spied the big sign of the place behind the rider. Kid noticed her change of demeanor and followed the direction of her gaze, noticing she was staring at the bank. "Lou…"

"He… works there," she muttered in such a low voice that Kid hardly caught her words. "Kid… have you… have you seen him since … since that night?"

"No, I haven't."

Louise shook her head dejectedly and added almost in a whisper, "Nothing I said got to him. He doesn't care, he never cared."

"Please Lou, don't be sad," Kid begged her, watching her sorrowful countenance.

"I'm not… not really," the girl retorted, trying to believe the lie she was telling the rider. "I know what he's like, what he's always been like. It ain't surprising. Why should he care now when he never did?"

"I understand it hurts," Kid replied, discerning what she wasn't saying. "You know you ain't alone. You will never be alone again." And he placed his hand on her middle, which instantly made the girl shiver. His touch had such an effect on her that left her all jittery and nervous. She couldn't help it and even though she knew Kid was off limits for her, she told herself that she wouldn't refrain what she felt. Those feelings would eventually disappear with time, and for the moment she wouldn't torture herself for something that would blow away naturally.

Lou stopped walking and disengaging her arm from his, she turned towards the rider. "I know," she said and directing her deep gaze to his, she plucked the courage to ask what worried her. She hadn't planned to bring up the subject but she had decided that she wanted to know. "Kid, what's gonna happen… you know… when the baby's born?"

Kid stared back at her and after a few seconds he started, "Lou, you know that…"

"Louise!"

The shout of her name caused them both to turn their heads to the side, and then they saw Theresa running towards them as if her life were at stake. The little girl threw herself against her sister and hugged her tightly. Lou exchanged a smile with the rider and then lowered her body to her sister's eye level, holding her closer.

"Hey, Tessie-bear, how are you?" she asked as they pulled away, and Lou cupped her face between her hands.

"I miss you."

"Me too, sweetie."

"Why can't we live together like we used to, Louise?" Theresa asked straightforward with a sullen expression. Lou exchanged a knowing look with Kid and the younger girl insisted, "Why, Louise?"

Lou straightened up from her stooping position and then saw Jeremiah approaching them with slow steps. "Hello, Miah," The boy didn't even try to reply and directing her eyes back to her sister, she realized that the young girl was waiting for her to give her an answer. Louise took her little hand in hers and steered her to a corner where they both sat on a wooden ledge. Jeremiah also followed them, but remained on his feet next to Kid.

"Honey, things are a bit complicated right now."

"Why?" Theresa asked again.

Louise let out a sigh. There was no way she was going to tell her little sister what the story behind their moving out was. Despite her relationship with her father, Lou knew that he did adore her siblings and was good and caring with them. Louise would never put a bad word for him with the children even though he didn't deserve that consideration from her part.

Theresa was still expecting an explanation and Lou said, "Honey, you know me and pa have never got on well. We've always had problems."

"But why can't we all be together? I miss you and ma… Rachel."

"Theresa, you know Rachel explained to the two of you how things were… and her and pa having problems doesn't mean you have to stop calling her ma. It's fine and she'll be there for you two whenever you need her. You know that."

Theresa pouted unhappily. A few days ago Rachel had come and seen them, and as Lou had rightly said, she had tried to explain to them that she and their father had decided to go their different ways. Yet, Theresa hadn't been satisfied with her explanation and her answers to their questions, and there were things she didn't understand yet. Why was Louise staying at the station? Why was her father always angry now? Why couldn't Pa and Louise make up?

"But why can't you live with us like before?" the young girl insisted.

Louise fumbled for words but was unable to find an explanation, but luckily Kid spoke up, thus saving her skin. "Tessie, you know your sister is gonna have a baby very soon, and in her condition she has to get special cares, so she needs a woman like Rachel to help her."

Theresa kept thoughtful for a moment, apparently satisfied by Kid's explanation. "Can I see you and the baby when it's born?"

"Of course, honey," Lou replied sharing a smile with Kid. "You're gonna be the best auntie ever."

Theresa grinned happily and spying the gesture between her sister and the rider, she blurted out her next question, "Are you and Kid gonna get married?"

At her words Lou blushed to the roots of her hair and feeling very self-conscious in front of Kid, she lowered her eyes while letting out in a stutter, "Uh… no… of course not."

"Why not?" the girl insisted.

Kid's face fell as soon as he heard Lou's words. He knew that he had no reason to expect anything from her; he didn't deserve it. Yet, it hurt so much to hear her state her refusal so clearly. Kid wondered if there was still some of the love they had shared in her, or if he had killed all of it by his insensitivity and forced indifference. As his thoughts unraveled, he vaguely heard Jeremiah speak up.

"Theresa, we should get going. We shouldn't be here in the first place."

"Miah, I'm so glad to see you too," Lou said tenderly, stretching her hand and taking her brother's arm.

Jeremiah yanked his arm free forcefully and exclaimed angrily, "Pa doesn't want us to see you or talk to you! You're bad news!"

"Jeremiah…" Lou let out astonished at his sudden outburst.

"Everything's your fault! We were fine and happy before you came! We were a family and you had to spoil it all! Pa is right! I hate you!"

Before they could react, the boy swirled round in a flash and scampered away like a bat out for leather. Lou was too stunned to even move and she barely heard her little sister whimper at Jeremiah's reaction. "I'm so sorry," Theresa mumbled and without saying anything else she dashed after her brother. Louise kept staring at the fleeing figures of her two siblings with wide eyes and a pale countenance.

"Lou…"

"I… I'm fine," she managed to say as she took his hand which he offered to help her rise to her feet. She was trembling like a leaf as she stood and when Kid ran his hand up and down her back comfortingly, she couldn't hold back anymore and burst out crying with bitter tears. Kid instantly wrapped his arms around her trembling frame while whispering soft words in her ear. "He's just a young boy, Lou. He doesn't know what he's saying."

"I … I … know, but…," she let out while trying to control the tears.

"No buts, Lou. The only one who's to blame here is your father. You know that … he doesn't deserve your consideration. You shouldn't be lying for him."

"They're just children and there are certain things they should be saved from. I'm just sorry they have to suffer in all this mess."

"It ain't your fault, Lou," Kid insisted, rightly guessing where her thoughts were running to.

"Maybe not… but if it weren't for me, things wouldn't have changed for them."

"Lou…"

"Please Kid," the girl cut him off weakly, "take me home. Please."

The rider simply nodded as they continued their way towards the stables where they would retrieve the wagon. He was so angry… so angry with the man who still made Lou feel very miserable. At this very minute he wanted to head for the bank and knock the daylights out of him. He was the one who had put the sadness in her eyes, which seemed to have settled there for good. It wasn't fair. Lou had already had enough and it was high time she enjoyed some peace… some happiness. Why didn't Boggs leave her alone now that she was out of his life? Why did he have to keep meddling and turn the children against her? Kid knew that her siblings were very important to her and he was sure that she'd rather go back to her old life in the asylum than let her siblings suffer. Jeremiah's words had knocked her off, and Kid feared that Boggs's long arm could still manage to destroy her in the long run.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter XLI**

Three days had passed since the incident with Jeremiah in town, which had plunged Louise into some kind of melancholic state. The words uttered by her brother had affected her more than she had bargained for and shame and guilt were shaking her devastatingly. She felt responsible for the situation her siblings had found themselves in. Rachel and Kid had repeatedly told her that she should not pay any heed to what Jeremiah had said. The boy was not really aware of the reality of the situation and was just repeating what with all probability he had heard at home. Louise kept nodding at their words and saying 'I know', but her mood darkened more and more as time went by and spent most part of the day in her own company inside the house. Kid felt frustrated and powerless since he wished with all his heart he could do something to restore the smile on her face, but his attempts had proved to be completely useless.

Today the Southerner had started off in a foul mood. He had a ride scheduled and wanted to exchange it with one of his friends. It wasn't a lengthy one, but he wanted to stay in Sweetwater because Lou had to see the doctor and he wanted to go with her. Yet, he hadn't been able to change the ride since his fellow friends were all busy. Cody, Noah and Buck were already away on rides themselves; Jimmy had just come back from one of his own that very morning, and Ike had to shoe all the horses at the station by the end of the day. The situation left Kid without options and therefore he'd have to miss accompanying Louise to the doctor while he complied with his duties.

The rider knocked on the door before letting himself in Rachel's house. "Hey!" he greeted as soon as he saw Louise, who was sitting on a rocking chair below the window, her legs flexed under her body and a blanket covering her lap. Lou just looked up at him with the same melancholic air of the last few days. "Are you cold?" asked Kid gesturing with a motion of his head at the blanket over her legs.

"A bit," she admitted in a soft voice.

"It's a lovely day, Lou. You should go out and sit in the sun." The girl shrugged her shoulders in total indifference, and Kid took a few steps closer. He sighed and started with uncertainty, "Lou, uh… I told you I would go to the doctor with you today, but I'm afraid I can't."

Louise threw him a glance of total indifference. "It's fine, Kid. If I were you, I would also try to get out of it too. I wish I could.

"Lou, it ain't that!" Kid exclaimed hurt by her words. "I just haven't been able to change my ride as I intended to. You know I was looking forward to going and being there for you today. Honestly."

"That's because you ain't the one who has to bear somebody touching you," Louise added with a cringe and stretched her lips in an odd kind of smile. "Anyway, you don't have to worry. Rachel's coming with me."

Kid took a few more steps closer and when he stood just in front of her he crouched, taking hold of the chair leg to keep his balance. "Lou, you need to cheer up. You can't change what happened and nothing, nothing at all, is your fault. You need to start looking at the positive side of things … think that you'll have our baby in your arms in little over a month."

"I'm really trying, Kid, seriously. And I know what you're saying," Lou replied.

"Then why don't you give me one of your lovely smiles just now?" Kid remarked, and Louise forced an awkward grin on her face. The rider furrowed his brow in dissatisfaction and after exhaling deeply the girl tried again, this time the smile coming more natural. "That's better. Just keep practicing," the rider said as he slowly rose to his feet and leaning in he gave her a brief peck on her cheek. "See you later. Be good."

Without another word Kid swirled round and in a few strides he crossed the length of the room and walked out of the house. Lou kept staring at his fleeting figure and when the door closed, she brought her hand to touch the spot where Kid had kissed her. Her face felt hot and all her body was shivering. The least gesture from his part had that strong effect on her, and she wished she could aspire to enjoy a life in common with him.

Lately at the first opportunity Kid was by her side, acting more and more like a concerned husband or beau than the "just" friend that he actually was. Lou knew all that was a mirage, but as long as she could, she would enjoy his attention, his cares, his presence… those tiny moments. Her hand kept stroking the exact spot on her cheek where his lips had brushed against her skin, and for the first time in days Lou's mouth stretched and twitched into a real and genuine smile.

Outside the house Kid had stopped on the porch. With each passing day it was getting more and more complicated to keep his feelings in check. He wanted so much to confess what she made him feel and take her in his arms. He loved her, wanted her and the desire she woke in him was so strong that he might not be able to conceal it from her forever. Yet, he did his utmost to give her the only thing he allowed himself to offer. He didn't want to complicate her existence. He had already caused her too much trouble and had no right to speak his love when he could have made things easier for her much earlier.

While he stood on the porch, immersed in his own thoughts, Rachel appeared, climbing the few steps leading to the front of her house. "How's our little mama this morning? Feeling any more chipper?"

"Not really."

Rachel padded closer to him and gazing at his eyes purposefully she said, "You know what would make her happy?" At the rider's clueless expression she added, "To have her baby's father by her side."

"You know I'm with her," Kid defended himself in a soft voice.

"Don't play dumb with me, young man. You know very well what I mean." Rachel paused for a second and then continued, "Kid, it ain't secret for anybody how smitten you are. We all can see how you look at her… how you talk to her… how you treat her. Not even a blind man would mistake what is so plain for everybody to see."

"Rachel, I don't deserve her."

"Why don't you let her decide that?"

"I'm so ashamed of myself that I can barely look her in the eyes. I'm totally disgusted with myself and I can't forgive myself for my part in her suffering."

"Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't do anything. We all let ourselves be biased by… others. I'm sure Lou doesn't blame you for anything that happened in the last months."

"But I do, Rachel! She deserves so much better than the likes of me."

Rachel was growing furious by the boy's obtuseness and running out of the last ounce of patience in her body she snapped loudly, "You bet she does! But it's you who got her pregnant… nobody else, and under other circumstances you'd have a shotgun pressed against your thick head till you did right by her, silly man! Do you intend everybody to look down on her because you tainted her for good! That girl is my stepdaughter and I ain't gonna allow you to get out of your duties to her and my family! Is that clear?" The woman paused to catch her breath and then added, "And now if you'll excuse me, me and Louise need to be on our way and check with Doctor Barnes if your child is fine." In the foul mood she was Rachel pushed him aside forcefully and marched to the house with strong steps.

"Rachel I…" Kid tried but the only answer he got was the sound of the door slamming shut before his very nose. The rider sighed deeply and with stooped shoulders and a pathetic expression he trekked towards the stables where his mare would be waiting, ready for the ride they had ahead.

* * *

Louise giggled happily at some silly comment Rachel had made while they ambled along the covered walkway in town. During the whole ride to Sweetwater the girl had been morose and quiet but now that sullenness had changed radically. Louise hated going to town since for some reason or other she always ended up with bad memories and sensations. Since she had come to live in Sweetwater, her worst experiences were all related to her scarce visits to town. Besides, her father worked and lived just there and Lou would hate to run into him. All these reasons added up to her loathe of the city but she knew that she couldn't prevent visiting the doctor and with a heavy heart she had set off for town as a lamb to the slaughter.

Her bitter mood, though, didn't last too long. However much she had dreaded visiting the doctor, today she had come out of his tiny surgery with a happy countenance. Even though Doctor Barnes always treated with great kindness and tact, Louise hated the whole ordeal of being examined. She couldn't help feeling nervous and irritated at just the sole notion. Besides, she always wound up receiving bad news whenever she came to the doctor, whether it was her weight, the size of her belly or the risks the doctor feared she might have to face in labor. Last time she had seen the doctor, he had told her that it looked like the baby was too small for her advanced pregnancy, which had left Louise very worried.

That had been before her rift with her father, and at the time Louise had grown increasingly concerned for the well-being of her child. It didn't matter what might happen to her, but her baby needed to live and grow healthy and strong. From that moment on she had understood that she had to stop acting like a brat throwing a tantrum and start thinking about her baby seriously. So whether hungry or not, she had forced herself to eat whatever was in her plate and with the walks Rachel and Kid had scheduled for her she had felt stronger little by little.

Today at the doctor's surgery she had finally got some good news for a change. Doctor Barnes had told her that everything seemed to be in order; she had put on the right weight and in about seven more weeks she'd be holding her sweet baby. Still seven weeks to go! Lou was so tired that she was ready to give birth right now. She was already too uncomfortable as she was and couldn't imagine what it would be like for her in seven weeks' time. She'd be so big that she'd be unable to move. Yet, the important bit was that everything was fine with her baby. With this thought on her mind Lou's mood had lit up, and she felt like joking with Rachel as they strolled along the boardwalk.

Louise was giggling and talking to Rachel and neither woman saw the person coming out of Tompkins's store until they almost bumped into her. "I'm sorry. Please excuse my carelessness," Rachel began voicing an apology and when she realized who it was she added, "Oh Patricia, good afternoon. I hadn't seen it was you."

The girl ignored the station mistress completely and instead turned to Louise, who was staring at her in silence. "My, my, my, look who we got here," Patricia let out in a sarcastic tone and at once her expression turned to sheer bitterness and scorn, "You should be ashamed of yourself… boasting and parading with that bastard you're carrying in front of everybody in broad daylight."

"Patricia, that comment is absolutely uncalled for. I beg you… "Rachel said in a grave tone, trying to save Louise a treatment she did not deserve in the first place. Yet, the other girl did not pay her any heed; she was unstoppable and continued regardless.

"Don't look so damn pleased with yourself. You are nothing… nothing at all! Don't go thinking that you have won over me… It's me … me … me alone who got rid of that poor excuse of a man! I am much, much better off now without him! He's no man and he's just…."

"You shut up!" Lou cried in an angered tone. It had taken her a few moments to realize what the girl was talking about, and when she finally did, her quick temper made its appearance. Not only was that nasty girl insulting her, but demeaning Kid. He was a good person who had made mistakes like anybody else, and nobody had the right to question or mock his noble heart and manhood. "Shut the hell up! I've kept quiet for many, many years, bearing in silence cruelties and humiliations, but that's over! Nobody is gonna humiliate and slander me anymore and least of all a spoilt brat! Don't put the blame on others when only you should care that your stock doesn't wander away!" On hearing those words Patricia was red with fury as though she was about to burst, but Lou ignored her completely and turned to the older woman. "Let's go, Rachel. I'm starting to feel very sick to the stomach all of a sudden."

Without another word the two women left a very incensed Patricia behind and continued their way towards the stables as it had been their intention before bumping into the girl. They walked in silence, and after keeping thoughtful for a few minutes Louise asked, "Did you know?" Rachel sent her a quizzical look and the girl elaborated, "About Kid and … her."

"Yes," was all Rachel said.

"But since when?"

"Since that night," the station mistress replied, and Lou nodded, understanding clearly the time that Rachel was referring to. The expression on her face was of complete bewilderment and on noticing her confusion, Rachel added, "Didn't you think it strange that nobody ever mentions her or their wedding? They were supposed to get married in a couple of weeks."

Lou hardly heard the woman's explanation, and the only thought occupying her mind was a question, a lone question which she voiced, "Why didn't he tell me? Why, Rachel?"

"I dunno," the woman lied.

"I have a right to know!" Lou stated angrily. "He's the father of my child, and I have to know whether he plans to get married or stay single. If he does or doesn't have a woman, and who that woman is concern me… My baby is gonna spend an awful lot of time with him and …" Rachel sent her a conspirational look and Louise stopped her harangue. She looked down towards the ground, and let out in a soft whisper. "I thought that without her Kid and I…" Her voice trailed off; she let out a sigh, and added, "Never mind. I guess he didn't tell me for fear I started having ridiculous ideas of me and him together."

"Louise, you shouldn't jump to conclusions before you talk to him," Rachel remarked. "If you want to know the reasons, ask him."

The girl stared at the woman and noticed her eyes were shining with some quality she hadn't seen there before … as if Rachel was daring her… inviting her to a challenge. Lou kept gazing at her in confusion, but the station mistress remained silent, and folding her arms over her expanded middle in a resolute way she said, "Of course I'm gonna ask him. He's gonna answer me willingly or not."

Rachel's face twitched into a big smile and turning her eyes ahead of her she concluded, "That's really good to know, Lou, very good indeed."

* * *

In a swift movement Kid slid the mochila to the awaiting rider in the yard, and as quickly as the Southerner had ridden, Ike galloped out of the station. "Ride safe!" Kid called after his friend and then slid off Katy briskly, glad to be back. Buck and Jimmy were outside the bunkhouse and the Kiowa offered to see to the horse. The Southerner warmly thanked his friend for his kindness, and while Buck steered Katy to the stables, Kid's eyes were driven to the white-washed house.

"Are Rachel and Lou back from town?"

"Uhuh," Jimmy replied, gazing at his friend with curiosity. He didn't know what Kid had on his mind lately. Everybody wondered why he wasn't courting or even planning to marry the woman who carried his child. They all knew he was crazy about her, but he didn't do anything to change their situation from being just good friends to becoming the real couple they should always have been. Kid never talked about it and no one dared to ask him since the Southerner was very particular about his private affairs, and his relationship with Lou was an especially delicate matter. On any other occasion Jimmy would have talked to him but after his past blunders he'd decided to keep out of Kid's love issues.

The Southerner kept watching the house for a few minutes, debating with himself whether to go or not, and finally he said, "I'd better have a quick shower before seeing Lou." At the comment a smile played on Jimmy's lips, which didn't go unnoticed for the rider. "What?" Kid asked in a cocky way, his hands on his hips, his chin lifted in a challenging position.

"Nothing. Only it's very sweet of you to want to look and smell nice for your girl."

Kid didn't like the note of amusement in his friend's comment, but instead of retorting with a saucy remark, he simply said, "I'd better wash up." And without uttering a single more word he shuffled into the bunkhouse for a clean change of clothes and a towel.

While he was showering minutes later, he couldn't stop thinking about Rachel's words that very morning. Actually that was all he had been thinking about during his ride. Until now he hadn't considered Lou's situation under the terms the station mistress had stated in her angry lecture. Rachel was right; Louise's already damaged situation would suffer even more if she remained a single mother all her life. No man would ever approach her with good intentions. Kid knew how people treated unmarried woman who were mothers, and he didn't want that for Lou. As Rachel had said, he should be the one to marry her and do the right thing. Of course he wanted to marry Lou; she was the woman he loved with all his heart and there was no other woman he'd rather spend the rest of his life with. Yet, it didn't feel right to do it for the wrong reasons, and he didn't want her to feel forced to commit herself to him just because of the baby. She deserved to choose the life she wanted to lead and whoever she'd rather share it with. Kid felt guilt hit him hard, believing that he had ruined her life and her rights to choose. Her father might have busted her childhood and early youth, but unwillingly or not Kid felt that he and his brainless acts had spoiled her whole future. Her reputation was badly damaged, and in one way or another she was tied to him for a lifetime.

After finishing his shower, Kid slumbered towards the house with a rueful expression. He couldn't shake off the pressure he felt in the pit of his stomach. After mulling over the same repeatedly, he hadn't been able to reach any conclusions. All he had ended up with was a splitting headache and feeling even worse about this whole thing than he normally did.

The rider knocked at the front door and when nobody answered, he dared to let himself in. There was nobody in sight in the lounge downstairs and Kid called her name several times until he heard her voice.

"Up here, Kid!"

The Southerner climbed the stairs and made his way along the corridor. "Lou?" he called when he was in front of the half-closed door to her bedroom. He could see her clearly through the narrow opening. In that moment she turned from the window and directed her eyes to the door when she heard his voice and his heavy steps.

"Come on in, Kid. Don't stand there."

The rider slid inside with slow steps and stopped at a close distance. For a few moments they kept staring at each other in silence, and the Louise asked, "How was your ride?"

"As usual," Kid answered without much enthusiasm, and on remembering the parcel he was holding in his hands he added, "I've brought you something … uh… for the baby." Lou took the wrapped-up package and started to untie it and remove the brown paper over the dresser, revealing a heap of baby's clothes, booties and other items. "I dropped by a store in Cottonwood, and couldn't resist buying those. I hope you like them, Lou."

"They're beautiful," Louise replied while she carefully unfolded and stroked every single item. It moved her deeply to see how caring Kid was and how important their baby was for him. He was going to be a terrific father, and Louise couldn't wish for anybody better. After scanning all the baby clothes, Lou lifted her eyes to him and sheepishly whispered, "Thank you."

Kid walked a few steps closer and came to stand next to her. "What did the doctor say, Lou?"

The girl smiled while she explained everything that Doctor Barnes had told her. "Everything is as should be. There's still seven more weeks to go." Her last comment came out accompanied by a long face, which made the rider chuckle.

"I'm so relieved everything's fine! I was really concerned for you. Since doctor Barnes said if you didn't gain enough weight, there'd be some difficulties during labor, I haven't been able to stop worrying a single minute. I'm so glad that he finally gave us some good news for a change. I know you're tired of this pregnancy but Lou, seven weeks ain't that long, and the doctor didn't tell you anything you didn't know already."

Louise listened to Kid blabber away in silence and with a serious countenance, which contrasted with his cheerful one and when he finished his tirade, she blurted out, "I ran into your… into Patricia in town."

The smile on Kid's face disappeared instantly, and after clearing his throat he muttered, "Did you?"

"Why didn't you tell me, Kid?"

Instead of answering her direct question, he asked one of his own, "She didn't treat you nice, did she?"

"Kid, damn it, answer me!" Louise exclaimed, running out of patience. "Why didn't you tell me you two had broken up?"

The rider fixed his eyes on hers and didn't reply straightaway. He remained silent for a few seconds and then letting out a sigh he crossed to the other end of the bedroom. Feeling restless, he flopped onto the bed to jump back to his feet almost immediately. With his back turned to the girl he kept running his fingers through his hair while looking for the words to explain himself, "I… I…," Kid started in clipped tones, "I made a mistake with her since the very beginning. I started courting her for the wrong reasons… to… to… to pull you out of my head… of my heart."

"Kid…" Louise let out in a surprised whisper.

The rider swirled around and met her bewildered eyes. "I know I don't deserve you. I didn't do good to you. Never heard or believed you. I made you suffer, put you through hell and … never did anything to help you. I have no right to come to you now. I'm not worth it."

"Kid, don't be so hard on yourself, please. Nobody had any reasons to believe my father over me. He's the kind of man whose word no one would dare to doubt. And I imagine that there are many who still think I should be locked up."

"But I ain't like everybody else! I love you," he exclaimed, the words stumbling out of his mouth, and regretting his roughness he repeated his declaration in a softer voice. "I love you."

Louise stared at him even more surprised than what she already was. She had wanted to hear those magical words from his lips for so long, and now they sounded like heavenly music to her ears. "Do you?" was all she managed to utter in a cracked voice.

"Since the very first day… since I first saw you in Rachel's lounge, remember?" Lou smiled bashfully while nodding in silence. The rider pulled a long face as he shook his head ruefully. "You see? I never even had the courage to tell you how I really feel."

"You can tell me now," Louise said huskily as she walked a few steps closer, her bright eyes never leaving his. The rider remained in silence, watching her in awe. "Come on, Kid. Tell me."

"I love you… I love you so much."

"And you can show me," she added while she came to stand just in front of him. Only a few inches kept them apart, and Kid stared at her as if in a trance. Louise pushed herself on tiptoes and brushed her lips against his chin. Feeling her so close Kid shut his eyes as a faint protest left his mouth. "Lou…"

"Show me, Kid, show me that you love me."

No sooner had she uttered her open invitation than she felt his lips on hers. His mouth traced hers both soft and demanding at the same time. Her tongue longed to touch his and soon they were both swinging in a passionate and loving dance. Those months of restraint and pent-up emotions came unleashed now and both of them struggled to keep as close as possible, their hands squeezing, touching, caressing, as if they were just one body, one skin, one soul. It seemed like a mirage, a dream, a fantasy. Kid, the man she adored, was kissing her, loving her. The realization of what was actually happening overwhelmed her so powerfully that a sob escaped her lips and her eyes filled with tears.

On hearing her whimper at once Kid pulled away and wrapped his arms around her petite body while she cried against his chest. "Shh, baby," he cooed in her ear. "I know, honey, I know. I feel the same." The girl brought her hands around his waist which provoked a smile to appear on his face. "Lou, beautiful, you deserve so much better than me, really."

Louise looked up and fixed her watery eyes in his while she said, "But you're the only man I want, nobody else." Kid smiled and framing her face in his hands he wiped the remainder of her tears with his thumbs softly.

"I love you," Kid repeated and once again their lips joined together. This time they were at each other as if there was no tomorrow. After so many months of constraint and hidden desires, their hands, their arms, their skins strained to caress and touch what they had been yearning for so long. They were like two thirsty and hungry souls that had finally found the oasis to satisfy their needs and desires. Before neither of them was aware of their own actions, they found themselves lying on the big bed. Kid stroked her back softly and with a strong tug Lou untucked his shirt out of his pants and her small hands wandered under it, longing to feel his skin, his strong muscles, his warmth.

On his part, Kid couldn't keep still, his whole body yearning to touch all of her; his own hands travelled from her hair, her face, her breasts, her back, her enlarged middle to stop on her legs. Her being pregnant, her body felt different from the last time they had been this close. Kid longed to see and feel what lay under the layers wrapping her lovely figure. A whimper of protest escaped her mouth when his lips left hers, but it turned into a moan of pleasure when she felt him nuzzle her neck and his hand stroking her thigh under the material of her skirt.

"Louise, have you…" The unexpected voice resounding in the room had them stop and pull apart as if they had been scalded. Kid was already on his feet and from her position on the bed Lou blurrily realized it was Rachel's voice. "I… I… I…," Rachel, who looked visibly uncomfortable, stuttered, unable to find a coherent thought or statement, and hanging her head in embarrassment she finally managed to say, "Uh… I'll see you later."

Without waiting for any indication the station mistress dashed out of the bedroom and scurried down the stairs towards her lounge. As she flopped down on the sofa, a smile settled on her face. Some situation she had barged into. She'd almost died of embarrassment when she'd realized that she had walked on Kid and Louise having a very intimate moment. The door had been open, and Rachel hadn't expected to find the surprise she had stumbled into. Kid and Louise. Finally. Maybe her lecture to the rider that morning had helped to give Kid a push in the right direction. That boy could sometimes be so stubborn, but it seemed that he had finally seen reason. Apparently, he and Lou were finally together and she had to walk in on them and spoil their moment, thought Rachel ruefully. The woman didn't know who had been more embarrassed in that room, them or her. Kid had looked as if he had been caught about to commit a crime and Lou's face had never been so flushed before.

Heavy steps in the stairs made the station mistress lift her eyes, and she saw Kid appear in a heck of a hurry to get out of there. He still looked with a guilty expression on his face as if he had killed somebody, and while he descended the steps, he continued straightening up his clothes. When he reached downstairs, he stood fidgeting while he tried to say something coherent to the woman. "Uh… I … Rachel… I… I'd better go." Ducking his head, he crossed the room and was out of the house in no time.

Rachel had to chuckle at the rider's attitude and behavior. He was about to become a father, and he was acting like a child who would be grounded for being naughty. As the station mistress looked at one side, she noticed Louise making her way down the stairs with slow steps.

"Is Kid gone? She asked in a small voice. Rachel nodded and the girl continued descending the staircase. Kid had escaped from her in such a hurry that she hadn't even been able to say anything. Louise sat across from Rachel and shared a smile with the woman. They stayed in companiable silence for a few minutes and it was Louise who finally spoke up. "We were just kissing, Rachel. That's all."

The woman leaned over and taking her hand she gave it a strong squeeze while she said, "Honey, you don't have to excuse yourself to me. You and Kid are free to… to do whatever you feel right."

Louise shrugged her shoulders indifferently, which contrasted with her flushed cheeks. Talking about a subject of this nature made her very uncomfortable, even with Rachel. "When we first… started, loving was kind of forbidden for us… something we had to conceal, to disguise. I guess we still feel awkward to be found out."

Rachel nodded in understanding. "So you and Kid…?"

"He says he loves me."

"I know he does," Rachel added with a smile. "And I'm really glad for you two."

Louise smiled her thanks and both women relapsed into silence once again. After a few minutes Lou started awkwardly, "Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"About Kid…" Rachel sent her a quizzical look and Louise continued in the same shy way, "About what you saw… uh … in my bedroom."

"What about it?"

Lou lowered her eyes to her hands which she kept wringing continuously. "I … I… I really want to do … more than kissing." The girl dared to look up and met the woman's eyes. Rachel was smiling candidly and not finding either disgust or shock in her demeanor, Lou felt more confident to trust her with her thoughts and desires. "I do want him." She let out a sigh and chuckling at herself she added, "That one time was so long ago that if I wasn't pregnant, I would wonder whether it actually happened at all."

"Do you mean that there was just one time between you two?" Rachel asked with a surprised frown and at Lou's bashful nod she let out, "My, my, Kid's got a heck of an aim."

At the comment both women burst out laughing and kept giggling for a few minutes and when they finally sobered, Lou added in a serious tone, "If it weren't for his… aim, we wouldn't be talking right now."

Their cheerful mood of seconds ago darkened and Rachel shivered at the remark. Louise was right. There was no say what the girl would be going through right now if she hadn't got into trouble as some people called it. In all probability she'd still be in the asylum, and nobody would have tried to find out whether there was some justification for her to be there in the first place. And one day her desperation and powerlessness would have become so strong that she'd have attempted against her life again, which would likely have reached to completion. Lou might have been dead now, a notion that filled Rachel with sheer agony and dread. "I… I know. But let's not think about it, honey."

"Rachel, do you think I … we can … you know … me being pregnant…?" Her voice trailed off, her face blushing and feeling as if they were in the middle of July.

The station mistress smiled, bemused and replied cheerfully, "I'm sure, honey, you'll be able to do whatever you put your mind to despite the changes in your body, won't you?" Lou shrugged her shoulders, still feeling awkward and embarrassed and then Rachel added as an afterthought "You know what? I'll make Teaspoon and the boys leave the station. That way you and Kid can be undisturbed for a few hours." Rachel winked and Lou felt blush even more violently.

"But how?"

"Oh I'll come up with an excuse," Rachel replied as she rose to her feet and grabbed her jacket form the peg next to the door.

"At this time?" Lou insisted standing by her side. It was already pitch dark outside and a chilly breeze was breezing. Louise doubted that the riders would willingly leave the cozy atmosphere inside the bunkhouse to go out.

"Trust me, Louise," Rachel stated as she finished doing up the buttons of the jacket and wrapped a scarf around her neck. "You stay here and I'll send Kid to you."

Without further ado Rachel dashed out of the house and crossed the yard in a flash. When she stepped into the bunkhouse Jimmy, Buck and Cody, who had come back from his ride that afternoon, were playing a game of cards, Teaspoon was checking the schedule for the following weeks and Kid was sitting on his bunk, toying absently with the string of his hat. On seeing Rachel appear, everybody greeted her loudly, except for Kid who simply sent a wary look in her direction.

"Teaspoon, boys," Rachel started, "I forgot to tell you but I promised Miss Haley we'd be delighted to have dinner at her place." The lady was an old spinster who every other day came up with an invitation for the riders so Rachel knew that she'd be happy to receive them even though she didn't actually expect them.

"Tonight?" Cody asked in a moaning voice.

"Of course tonight," replied, Rachel. "Come on, don't be such whiners."

Teaspoon closed the book and rose to his feet, placing his bowler hat on his head with exaggerated care. "Boys, it's fundamental we keep good relations with the members of our community. Miss Hailey is a charmin' lady and for goodness' sake, stop actin' like an ungrateful bunch."

"Yeah, Teaspoon, charming," Jimmy let out sarcastically. "Keep that in mind when she bombards you with her soporific endless ramblings tonight."

Rachel and the other riders burst out laughing at Hickok's remark while Teaspoon made an awkward gesture. "Boys, come on," Rachel urged them again, "Don't be so tiresome!"

Among grunts the riders started getting ready to go out and when the station mistress saw the Southerner rising from his bunk and grabbing his jacket, she added, "Kid, do you mind staying behind with Lou? She says she's feeling a bit tired, and I don't like her being on her own."

Rachel's eyes glowed with a peculiar twinkle, which didn't go unnoticed to the rider. "Uh sure," Kid stuttered awkwardly. He could hardly meet the woman's eyes after she had found him and Lou in that compromising situation. That very morning he had received a tremendous lecture from her and Kid feared she might think that he was just taking advantage of Lou. Rachel was logically very protective of Louise, especially after she had learned the terrible truth of her life and she had taken her role as her stepmother very seriously. Kid was glad that she had somebody who would defend her so fiercely. The rider wanted to tell the station mistress that what she had seen in that bedroom wasn't just a moment of relief, but the result of the love they felt for each other. Yet, something in Rachel's eyes told him that there was no need for words and she trusted him enough to leave him alone with her.

The other riders groaned between gritted teeth, wishing they could be in Kid's shoes and skip the tedious dinner in Miss Hailey's homestead. They filed out of the bunkhouse and started to get ready. The Southerner paced up and down the porch restlessly; he couldn't wait to dash to the house and see Louise, but it seemed that today it took his friends forever to hitch up the wagon for Rachel and saddle their horses. When they finally rode away, the Southerner didn't waste a second and ran to the house like a man in desperation. He didn't' bother to knock at the door, and not finding her downstairs, he climbed the stairs, taking two steps at a time. The door to her bedroom was open and as he approached from down the corridor, he heard her voice, "You can come in, Kid."

The rider crossed the door but stopped short as soon as he caught sight of her. Louise was wearing a simple white nightgown, which reached her naked feet, and her hair, which now was shoulder-long, hung loose, free without the combs she usually pinned at her sides, framing her face beautifully. The bedroom was almost in complete darkness except for the fire lit in the fireplace, whose flames reflected on her body and face, making her appear like a dreamy vision. She looked more beautiful than ever before and Kid kept staring at her in wonder.

"Shut the door, please," Louise whispered, which snapped him out of his reverie. The rider did as he'd been told and then walked the distance keeping them apart in a couple of strides. Without hesitation he framed her face between his hands and kissed her full in the mouth. At his touch Lou flinched and pulled away, and as an answer to Kid's confused expression she added, "Your hands are freezing cold." The rider smiled, which Louise matched with one of her own, and exchanging a deep and meaningful look with him, she took one of his hands between her own and brought it to her mouth and began kissing it. Her lips traced each line, crevice and imperfection of his hand, her tongue caressing and licking each inch of his skin and when she finished with one hand she did the same with the other. Kid gazed at her as if hypnotized and felt he couldn't move. His body trembled with her kisses and caresses, and his nerves were on edge. He was frozen to the spot and felt as if he were on Christmas day but couldn't come to open the present he had been longing for. All he could do was stare at the magical view in front of him and smile like a fool.

Louise lifted her head from his hands and Kid continued admiring her in all her beauty, but when with her hands intertwined around his she began yanking him towards the bed, the rider stopped. "Lou, no."

The girl looked at him with a hurt expression. "Why not? Don't you want this fat, pregnant woman?"

"Don't say that, honey. You are beautiful. God only knows how much I want you, how much I love you. But the baby…" he said, softly stroking her very large middle.

"The baby's fine and I … I need you."

"Rachel…?" he hardly managed to let out as the emotion was shaking his insides powerfully like a tornado in all its strength.

Louise smiled and standing on her tiptoes she whispered in his ear, "I'm the only woman here, the only one for you." As she spoke, her lips brushed lightly against his ear and shifting her face, Louise kissed him on his mouth passionately, seducingly, powerfully. Kid responded to her lead whole-heartedly and without stopping even for breath, their feet moved forward while the rest of their bodies were intent on rediscovering the other. As they came to stand before the bed, they pulled away and dropped onto the bed in much the same way as they had barely half an hour ago, but this time there would be no interruptions.

* * *

**Author's note: From this point onwards, the story might become a bit too flat, at least, for my taste. When problems get sorted out, I kind of get bored, and the story loses power. There is another climax almost at the end of the story, but what comes now is just mushy stuff.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter XLII**

The hearth at the fireplace was the only light that shone in the dark room, outlining the figures of the two people lying on the bed. Everything was still, everything was quiet. Kid leaned on his left flank; his arm wrapped around Lou's enlarged middle from behind while Louise lay snuggled against his chest. A white crocheted quilt covered their naked bodies and their hands stayed intertwined while they breathed in the peace of the night after their moment of passion.

"Kid, stop it," Lou exclaimed and tossed over so that she could look him in the eyes. The rider sent her a confused stare and with a smile she explained, "I can hear the wheels in your head turn from here. Can you cut yourself some slack, man?" Kid grinned sheepishly at being caught red-handed and Lou continued after a few seconds. "Tell me, Kid, who came and saved our baby's life from those butchers' clutches? Who stayed on my side when everyone else believed I had killed that poor girl? Who stood his ground against my father for my welfare? Who took a dive in freezing waters thinking I might be drowning? It was you, only you."

Kid smiled at her coyly and said, "I know, but I also made many mistakes, unforgivable mistakes and it pains me terribly to think of all the time we've wasted."

"But, Kid, it wasn't your fault!" Lou exclaimed exasperated, squeezing his naked shoulder hard. She hated to hear the guilt in his voice because they had been all victims of the circumstances. "My father didn't give you or anybody a chance. But please let's not talk about him… please." The girl framed his face between her hands and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you … that's all you should care about."

"I love you too, Lou."

Louise grinned happily. Despite the dozens of times he had already told her those three words during their passionate love-making, she couldn't help but feel amazed every time he uttered them. She snuggled closer to him and resting her head on his chest she whispered, "Kid, please, hold me. I want to sleep with you tonight; I want to feel safe and loved."

"Lou, we can't. What will Rachel say? She surely won't approve of it and I don't want to get another earful. She's terrible!"

Louise chuckled at the expression of his face and then she added, "I'll deal with her later. And now stop moaning and hold me, please."

The rider did not say one more thing and encircled his arms around her smooth body. Lou snuggled even closer if that was possible. Kid kissed the top of her head and then felt her body relax and little by little she fell into a slumber. Her deep intakes of air told the rider that she was fast asleep. Kid looked down at her in wonder. This was the way he wanted to spend the rest of his days, sleeping by the woman he adored and growing old with her. Right now as he hugged her tightly, Kid came to think that his arms were actually holding his family, his future, his life. He still felt unworthy of her love, but he'd do his best to give her all he could. She deserved to have a carefree and happy life from now, on and Kid swore to himself he'd work himself to the bones for her and his family because that was exactly what she was: his family.

Kid could hardly sleep a wink since he had been thinking about his options and the life before him all night long. Since he got engaged to Patricia, he hadn't given it a thought to his future or what it would be like. The girl had decided everything for him, and Kid had just followed her lead like a lapdog. Yet, since their break-up, the rider had started thinking about the plans he had had in store before Patricia had come along.

Kid had always dreams of owning a horse ranch one day, breeding stock and working on what he loved most, and he had even selected the land where he wanted to do it. Teaspoon had been hinting lately that the Pony Express wouldn't last much longer. Rumors of war were already speeding the set-up of the telegraph lines, which would put their jobs at the Sweetwater station at stake. The marshal had also expressed his concern and feared that the company might force him to let some riders go if the business started to slow down. Kid also hoped that the situation wouldn't go that far, but in any case he was openly concerned. He would soon have a small baby to take care of and raise, and he just couldn't afford to lose his job and living. For that reason Kid had started searching for properties around Sweetwater. The one he had always dreamt about having would be the perfect environment, but he needed to find somewhere else, a property that would already have a built home to live in, a home for him and hopefully Lou and the baby.

A few days ago he had started searching the surrounding, especially around Willow Bluff, where he had first wanted to build his ranch. That day he had wandered around the lake, and had come across a nice little plot that for some reason he had never seen before. As soon as he had set eyes on that chunk of terrain, he had instantly known that it was the ideal place. The property was a bit smaller than the one in Willow Bluff, and the yard and land was in a pitiful state, with weeds, bushes and litter scattered all over the terrain clearly after years of neglect. Yet, the place had something which had been fundamental for him to decide that this was the one and only one. In the middle of the unkempt yard there was a dainty, cute house. It was a bit bigger than the one on the station, with a lovely picket fence, a wide porch and a cozy air about it, but that wasn't what had attracted the rider's interest but something else. Its façade and sturdy walls were white-washed like Rachel's, but the roof, shutters and ledges were painted in bright blue… like the dream house Lou had told him about a few months ago.

Even though the day Kid had first seen the property, he hadn't thought he'd ever have Lou's affection, he had really wanted to select a place that she liked, that would remind him of her. Their child would spend a lot of time with him, and Kid had thought that from time to time Lou would also join them in those visits. At the time the rider had been sure he couldn't find anything better and that same day he had talked to the owner, Mr. Campbell. The man was an elderly widower that had fallen ill a few years ago, thus the neglecting state of his property, and now that he was gradually getting back to health, he had decided to move east where his children and grandchildren lived. Mr. Campbell was a charming gentleman and had been ready to sell out his homestead to the rider. The price was more than reasonable but when Kid had worked out some numbers in his head, he had realized that his savings wouldn't be enough. He'd have to ask for a loan and the idea of going to the bank had stopped his intentions.

Going to the bank was the last thing he wanted to do. It would mean facing John Boggs and Kid didn't think he could be civil to the man who had destroyed Lou's childhood and early youth, and had almost ruined her whole life. Just the sole idea made his blood boil, and he was aware that he couldn't stay impassive if he ever crossed paths with the banker. How could he then have dealings with him? So with a heavy heart he had had to back off and tell Mr. Campbell that he'd need some more time to make up his mind. After that, the rider had tried to find other options but nothing he had seen from then on had been up to his satisfaction.

As he now lay down in bed, Lou's body next to him, Kid knew that he needed to sort out his situation. Hopefully someday Lou would become his wife and just for the sake of their life in common he'd have to forget what the banker had done to her, bite his tongue, put out his anger, swallow his pride and try to get that loan. He hoped that Boggs wouldn't try to pull one of his filthy tricks and refuse his request for a loan. He might just do so to harm his daughter.

At the crack of dawn Kid slid out of bed, careful not to wake Lou. She looked so peaceful that the rider stood staring at her sleeping figure for a few minutes, feeling he could never get tired of looking at her pretty face. Yet, today he couldn't dilly-dally, so after getting dressed and leaving a note for her, he tiptoed out of the room, hoping that his efforts would pay today.

* * *

A little whimper left her lips when the morning rays fell over her face, waking her. Her eyes still tightly shut, Louise's countenance split into a big smile as she brought to mind the events of the day before. Almost automatically her arm stretched across the bed, her fingers aching to touch the man she expected to find by her side, but on finding that side of the bed cold and empty, her eyes shot open. For one moment she wondered whether she had imagined or dreamed the whole thing, but then she noticed a white paper lying where he should have been. Louise picked up the paper delicately and smiled happily as she read the words neatly scribbled on its white surface. "I had to leave. I love you. Kid." A sigh escaped her mouth and Louise brought the paper to her lips and placed a soft kiss on it.

Without delay the girl got up and started getting ready for a day that presented itself spotless and perfect for the first time in her life. After tidying the room, she walked down the stairs while humming a cheerful tune. Rachel appeared from the kitchen when Louise reached the first floor. "You sound very chipper today," the woman remarked and noticing the girl's flushed cheeks she added, "I gather you've slept well."

"Better than ever" Louise replied with an ample smile.

"I'm so glad for you, honey. But now, young lady, breakfast time. Have a seat here while I cook some good food for you."

Instead of doing what she had been told, Lou walked up to the window and glimpsing through it she asked, "Have you seen Kid this morning?"

"Come and sit here this moment," the woman ordered her in a very firm tone, her hands resting on her hips.

"But Rachel…"

"No buts," the station mistress responded sternly. "You didn't have any dinner last night, and I imagine you don't want to reverse the good news Doctor Barnes gave us yesterday, do you?"

"No, Ma'am," Lou replied and with a long face she sat down at the kitchen table. She wasn't very hungry, and all she wanted was to go and find Kid. Yet, she did not protest any more as she knew Rachel was right.

The station mistress placed a plate full to the brim with eggs, bacon, sausages and flapjacks. Lou started to dig in while Rachel sat down next to her. They exchanged a look and the station mistress said, "Kid left for town early this morning."

"Ain't he back yet?"

"Not that I know. You can ask the boys… when you finish your breakfast."

Lou nodded and continued eating the food. It intrigued her greatly what Kid had to do in town so urgently, but she did not voice her thoughts to Rachel and kept focused on her breakfast. It was Rachel's voice that made her stop and look up. "I assume that things between you and Kid are … fine."

Louise smiled coyly at the comment. "Better than fine."

"I'm really happy for you two, sweetheart." Rachel matched her cheerful mood with a big grin and added, "I gather that we'll soon have a little celebration."

"A celebration?" the girl asked, lost at what the woman was hinting at.

"A lovely wedding," Rachel exclaimed between giggles, and taking the empty plate from the girl, she rose to her feet, gaily humming the wedding march as she started washing up. Distracted as she was, the station mistress never noticed Lou's happy demeanor change. Her smile had vanished and instead a weary sigh escaped her lips while an overwhelming pressure squeezed her chest tightly. Before Rachel could see how upset she had become after her comment, Lou muttered an 'excuse me' and shuffled out of the room. A distraction was all she needed to make her forget her concerns and she would find one.

Once outside the house Lou marched towards the stables where she had spotted some of the riders. Cody and Jimmy were repairing the big barn door while Buck was carrying some sacks of grain inside the building. When the riders saw the girl, they waved at her in greeting. She reached them and didn't beat about the bush and went straight to the point. "Have any of you seen Kid today?"

Cody and Jimmy exchanged amused looks, and then the blonde rider replied, "You know, we were kind of worried because he didn't sleep in his bunk last night."

Louise blushed to the roots of her hair and lowered her eyes to conceal her embarrassment while on hearing the teasing comment Buck swatted Cody on the head.

"Ouch!" the blonde rider let out exaggeratedly, sending an irritated glare to his Kiowa friend while touching his sore head.

"Louise, Kid rode to town this morning," Jimmy replied while the girl lowered her body onto a bale of hay since she was feeling the usual cramps in her legs.

"Yeah, I know that. Do you happen to know when he will come back?"

"No idea," Cody replied, and tired of the conversation he grabbed the hammer again and turned round to continue with the tedious chore.

"Lou, I don't think he'll be too long," Jimmy added. "Surely he had to sort out something in town and since today is his day off..."

"Today's his day off?" Lou repeated with a frown.

"I'm sure he'll want to spend it with you after seeing to his matters," Buck quipped.

"But if you need him now, we can always go and bring him back," Jimmy said in a soft voice.

"No, no, it's fine," Lo replied with a smile. Since her situation had changed, Jimmy and the rest were awfully nice to her and continually expressed their concern for her and her baby. She couldn't help but feel bewildered by the way her father's lies had kept her seared and isolated from everything good. She had never had friends because of him and her own family had been snatched from her. The thought caused a bitter pang to hit her heart even though she knew she had so much to be thankful for. Since the truth about her had been unlocked, she had been showered with blessings. Now she had Rachel who treated her as if she were actually her mother, a wonderful man and lover, and friends. And in about six weeks' time she'd have a baby to love and care for. She couldn't complain but deep down she was afraid that this wouldn't last and she'd be back to where she had started off. "I think I'll wait for him, thank you, anyway," Lou said and after bidding the three riders good-bye, she ambled back towards the house.

She spent the rest of the day in constant wait, but Kid still hadn't come back home. Her restlessness today had made her look like a fool in front of everybody, and she had had to bear the riders' badly-concealed amusement as best as she could. Louise longed to see him and grew irritated to think that Kid apparently had no interest to be with her. After his love declaration and their passionate encounter last night she'd have thought that at least they could talk and spend the day together. Yet, Kid had left in a hurry, like a thief, and Lou just couldn't imagine what was keeping him busy all day long. Noah, who had come from his ride in the afternoon, had said that he had seen Kid talking to a man in town, which had not put Lou's worries to rest at all.

They had already finished dinner, and still there was no trace of the Southerner. The riders were finishing their last chores before tuning in for the night. Lou got settled in the swing on Rachel's porch, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, ready to keep wait for Kid. He would have to come home eventually, and she would be there to see him arrive. Rachel had urged her to get inside the house in a scolding tone. The night was cold, a full moon shining above, but she did not care. She needed to see him, to really find out that yesterday hadn't been a dream or a mirage but a reality.

From her position on the swing she watched the riders coming out from the stables after giving the last feed to the horses. As they sauntered by the house, they waved at her, bidding her good-nights. Like usual they spent a few moments in conversation on the porch, and after those minutes of relaxation they filed back into the bunkhouse. Even when the light went out, Louise remained seated on the swing, and Kid was still nowhere to be seen. Her eyes kept intent on the space ahead of her. Even with the bight full moon she couldn't see very far, and the minimum sound, the rustling of leaves, the neighing of a horse in the distance and even the soft whisper of the breeze made her on the alert, but it was to no avail.

Where on earth was he at this time of the night? His absence made her entertain all kinds of strange ideas. This was so unlike him. Since she had come to live at the station, Kid had never done something similar. And the day after their loving encounter he pulled a stunt like that. It was hardly surprising that she was so worried. What could he possibly be doing when all the businesses in town had closed long ago and everybody would already be tucked in bed? Would he be regretting what had happened between them two?

A tap on her shoulder startled her, and it was then that she realized that she had fallen asleep. "Kid?" she groggily let out while trying to shift her body. She was all stiff from the posture while she had been dozing on the swing.

"No, honey. It's me," Rachel replied in a whisper. "It's very late and freezing cold. Come on, get yourself to bed or you'll catch your death here."

"Kid?" Louise repeated in a husky voice.

Rachel simply shook her head while she helped Lou to her feet. "You'll see him tomorrow. He won't like it when he learns that you didn't get your rest for his sake."

Louise mumbled a few incoherent words while groggily she let herself be steered towards the bedroom. In no time she was in bed while Rachel covered her with the blankets and sheets. "Good night," the station mistress whispered and gave her a kiss on top of her head. Lou grumbled something that came out as a grunt, and soon her air intakes became deep and smooth, which told Rachel that the girl was fast asleep. The woman stood staring at her sleeping figure for a few moments, deep in thought. Then she put out the light and without wasting one more minute she slid out of the room and headed for hers to get her much deserved rest as well.

* * *

Her cheek itched and still asleep Louise scratched it, but as soon as the sensation disappeared, it started bothering her again. The girl repeated the process several times and when awareness gradually crept into her senses, she realized that something was brushing against her cheek. Lou tried to ignore it and continue sleeping, but finally she opened her eyes ever so slowly. As soon as the blurred image before her became clear, her face split into a wide smile. "Kid…" she let out and in a flash she sat up and hugged him tightly. "Where on earth were you yesterday?" she asked against his neck.

"I'll tell you in good time," he replied as they pulled away, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

His answer did not satisfy her at all, but she did not insist. A strange smell wafted to her nose and looking into his eyes with a frown she said, "You smell kind of funny."

"I had a shower," Kid replied almost to himself. It surprised him that she could be so quick to notice the scent he had tried to make disappear by rubbing his skin hard with soap and water.

"That definitely ain't soap aroma," Lou replied and running her eyes through his face, she stared at his head. "What's that in your hair?" she asked as she brought her hand to touch a few wisps of his hair that looked as if they had been dyed blue.

Kid carefully removed her hand from his hair while hiding the revealing part among the rest of his curls. "You are too perceptive this early in the morning."

"What are you hiding from me?" she asked again with a pout.

"I ain't hiding anything. It's just a surprise for you." Lou sent him an incredulous look, and on noticing her expression the rider added, "Come on, Lou. Get dressed, and I'll show you something. Trust me."

The girl sent him a coy look and in a soft voice she whispered, "I missed you." And before he had time to react, she engaged him in a sultry kiss. Kid responded to her whole-heartedly and as her arms encircled his neck, she flopped her body onto the bed again, dragging him along.

After a few minutes of intense kisses and cuddling, Kid pulled away slightly, his forehead resting against hers. "Come on, love. Get up and put fresh clothes on." Last night when Rachel had dragged her to bed, she hadn't bothered to change into her nightgown and now her dress was all creased.

"Or you could get into bed with me and keep me company."

Kid slowly disengaged himself from her hold and rose to his feet. "I'll be downstairs, making some breakfast for you while you get ready."

Louise propped herself on an elbow while sliding her left leg from under the blankets, thus revealing her naked skin up to her thigh. She did not know how or when, but at some point during the night she had slid off her stockings. "Wouldn't you rather stay here while I get dressed?" She asked in a husky and seductive voice.

Kid had to chuckle and shaking his head he said while he sauntered towards the door, "Believe me, you're enough temptation without me seeing you peeling off your clothes. I'm just blood and flesh, honey."

The door banged closed behind him while Lou let out a satisfactory grin. Kid was so cute when he turned all shy and proper. They were going to have a baby, and he had already seen her naked body more than once. Yet he still went all bashful and shocked when she acted all sassy and brash. Louise marveled at the way he looked at her with such longing and devotion, even at this late stage in her pregnancy. She was now so big and was fully aware of the changes in her usually petite body, but for some reason, Kid wanted her and found her desirable. With a bright smile on her lips she finally rose from her bed, looking forward to spending time with the man she loved and learning about his "surprise".

* * *

"Where are we going, Kid?" Louise asked for the umpteenth time as she sat next to the rider on the buckboard seat. They had had breakfast together in Rachel's house, and without wasting more time Kid had hitched the wagon and they had set off for that mysterious place that he wouldn't talk about.

"Patience, honey," Kid repeated again. "We're almost there."

The couple relapsed into silence again as the rider veered the wagon into the path that ran through shady woods. When they finally drove out of the copse of trees, a plot of land appeared before their eyes, a house standing out at the far end. Louise sent the rider a questioning look, but he did not say anything and kept driving the buckboard into the property. The girl stared around her with wide eyes, but above all her attention got gripped by the house, a blue house. The roof, shutters and ledges were painted in bright blue, and the façade and outer walls were in a much lighter shade. Kid finally stopped the wagon before the building and promptly jumped off the vehicle. He rounded it to help Lou out of the buckboard. The rider put his hands around her now inexistent waist, and when her feet finally touched the ground she exclaimed, "It's a blue house, Kid."

"Yes, like in your dreams," the Southerner replied with a smile.

The girl took a few steps closer to the building, and as she stood at the foot of the stairs leading to the porch, she sniffed when a strong smell hit her powerfully. "It's just been painted."

"I know," the rider replied behind her.

Louise swirled around him and walking back to the young man, she asked him with a frown, "What's all this, Kid?"

The rider took her hands in his and looking deeply into her big, brown eyes he said in a husky voice, "I bought this place… for us."

Lou stared at him with wide and surprised eyes. "This is where you were yesterday?" The rider nodded and she added, "Did you spend the whole night painting this thing blue?"

"There was a full moon, but even so I'll need to smooth the many imperfections and mistakes I made," Kid replied with a shy smile. Lou sent him a you-shouldn't-have-done-it kind of look and he added, "I wanted to do something special for you, something you wish for."

"I already have everything I wish for. I have you … and our baby," Louise let out in a whisper, and no sooner had she uttered those words that Kid kissed her on the lips, a feathery kiss that began like a gentle caress but soon deepened as their passion mounted.

Breathless they pulled away and leaning his forehead against hers Kid muttered, "Gosh, I can't believe you're part of my life. I don't know what I've done to have you."

Louise smiled coyly, but did not say anything. She disengaged herself from his hold and ran her eyes around Kid's new property. The plot was a good size, an ideal place to start the ranch that she knew had always been his dream. There were a couple of outbuildings on the left that housed the barn and the stables, and a little shed stood just a bit further, next to the coral. "Why haven't you gone for that land you showed me?"

"You know, I can't expect to build a house there before the baby's born. This place needs a few fixings, and the house has to be furnished but it'll be ready for when our child is here."

"It's a good place you got. The baby'll be happy to come to its daddy's home."

"Hopefully so will its ma," the rider remarked pointedly, sending her a meaningful look. Lou smiled awkwardly, unsure of how to act. She was feeling a painful pressure in her chest, and the tears almost came to her eyes.

His words reverberated in her mind, scaring her for the implications that his comment bore. To conceal the change in her demeanor, Louise turned from him and said, "It's great you were finally able to get a place of your own."

"Actually half of this belongs to the bank," Kid remarked with an unhappy countenance and when Lou sent him a confused look, he added, "My savings weren't enough, and I had to ask for a credit from the bank."

Lou's face became serious and morose at his reference to the bank. "Did … did you see him? Did you talk to him?"

The rider shook his head. "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to remain calm when I saw him, knowing what he did to you. I even got to think that he might not want to grant us the loan… you know." Louise nodded, and Kid let out a sigh while he added, "But he wasn't there. His clerk told me that he was out of town, and I just sorted all the paperwork with the fella."

"He's out of town?" Lou repeated his words with a frown and a thought struck her, she asked, "What about my siblings?"

"Maybe he took them with him, or he left them with Mrs. Mortimer, the housekeeper he's hired, you know."

"What if he's gone for good, Kid?" she asked, starting to panic.

"Lou, that fella, Luther, told me to wait for Boggs's return in a couple of days, but I insisted that I couldn't wait. He's coming back."

His words managed to calm her down, but fear was already ingrained in her soul. "But what if he's planning to move out of town? What if he's searching for a new place to live? What if they go and I can't see them anymore?"

"Lou, you don't know that. He must be on a business trip, that's all. But if you want, we can ask Rachel to talk to him when he comes back, all right?" Kid knew that Lou wouldn't want to go near her father, and nobody could blame her for it. He wished he could do something to give Lou what she desired, to have her family back.

Louise nodded somberly and added, "I'm sorry I ruined this day for you by bringing him up."

The rider encircled her between his arms once again while he said, "You never ruin anything, honey. I know you miss your siblings, and I wish I could do something. All I can say is that we're starting our own family, and maybe we could focus on that."

"Yes, you're right," Lou replied, trying to sound as cheerful and contented as she had been merely minutes ago, and plastered a big smile on her face, which wasn't so simple to do right now.

"And what about you and me have a look around this lovely blue house?"

"I wouldn't wish for anything better, Mister," the girl said, feeling livelier by the minute and little by little overcoming her sadness.

The rider moved aside, stretching his arms towards the place in a gentlemanlike gesture. "After you, Ma'am."

Lou gave him a mischievous look and grin as she walked closely past him towards the inside of the house while Kid soon followed her, a goofy smile on his lips.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter XLIII**

"I think I'll wait for you here," Lou said as she rested her now heavy body on a ledge outside Tompkins's store. A couple of days ago Kid had started some of the repairs around this new property as he wanted to have the place ready by the baby's birth. Lou was constantly in his company wherever he went even though he never let her move a finger and almost had a fit if she dared to suggest she wanted to do something. Naturally, Louise protested and fought him, and when he was busy somewhere else, unbeknown to him she took it upon herself to do some small cleaning jobs in the house.

In truth, she couldn't move very briskly due to her size, but she felt she couldn't stay idle. Because of his hectic activity on the ranch, Kid had to come to town almost every day to buy materials or order furniture for his new house. Louise always tagged along even though she didn't feel very comfortable with these so often expeditions to Sweetwater. In particular, she hated going to the general store which was always full of people who stared at her as if she had the plague.

"You sure?" Kid replied at her suggestion.

"Yeah, of course. I'll be fine. Just don't dilly-dally."

"Won't be long, Ma'am," the rider replied, winking at her teasingly and marched to the inside of the story quickly.

Louise settled on the ledge as comfortably as it was possible. The soft rays of the spring sun reflected on her face, and she closed her eyes, relishing in its warmth over her skin. Her lips bore a smile, the same smile that had stuck on her lips since the moment Kid had confessed his love for her. Things between them couldn't get any better, and she still found it hard to believe that this was her new life. It was incredible, and she had to keep pinching herself to prove that she wasn't dreaming. It was for real but even so, she couldn't get rid of the latent fear that was her constant company every single day.

Her worries about her siblings leaving Sweetwater had been put to a rest. After she had shared her fears with Rachel, the woman had gone to the bank to find out the truth. Boggs had already been back that day, and in a very curt and cold conversation the banker had told her that he had no intention to leave the town whatsoever. Louise felt very relieved about it and even though it was hard to accept the weird situation with her family, right now she needed to be happy knowing that they weren't going anywhere.

Lou was so absorbed in her own thoughts and the sunrays warming her face that she did not notice a person coming closer to her. "Louise…"

The girl opened her eyes to find a man's face, vaguely familiar, looking down at her. When recognition hit her, she said with a smile, "It is Terry, ain't it?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

She remembered clearly the day not long ago she had helped this man, who had had some kind of a fit in Tompkins's store. Everybody else had frozen, watching the boy who had been shaken by convulsions and only she had jumped to help him until the attack had blown over. "How have you been, Terry?" Louise asked while she rose to her feet.

"Fine," the man replied without much enthusiasm. "What about you?"

"Never been better," Louise exclaimed, pointedly stroking her very evident stomach.

Terry nodded with a half smile and added, "I never noticed you were expecting when we met. I tend to be a bit absent-minded."

"Well, nobody could miss it now," the girl replied, which made them both burst out laughing gaily.

In that very moment Kid was making his way out of the store and stopped momentarily when he spotted Lou in animated conversation with a young man. The smile that he had been bearing on his face faded at once, especially when he recognized the boy as the one who had flirted with Lou a few weeks ago. The rider started towards the pair, and as Lou heard him behind her, she turned round and smiled on catching sight of him. "Oh Kid, do you remember Mr. Barton?"

"How are you?" Terry greeted, stretching his arm towards the rider, but Kid simply tipped his head stiffly leaving the boy in an awkward and uncomfortable position. Terry lowered his hand while Kid wrapped his right arm around the girl's shoulders in a possessive way.

Lou turned her surprised eyes to him while she heard Terry speak up. "Louise, it's been a real pleasure to see you again. I need to be on my way now. I hope everything goes smoothly with your coming maternity. Good day."

"Thanks, Terry," the girl replied to his kind words with a smile.

The young man walked away without saying another word to Kid, and on seeing him leave, Kid felt his body relax. He turned to Louise and asked, "Shall we go now?"

Louise did not reply, but let him help her onto the wagon they had left just in front of the store. Kid spurred the horse and when the wagon was rolling out of town, Lou blurted in a curt and unkind tone, "What the hell was all that about, Kid?"

The rider sent her a clueless look while he asked, "What do you mean?"

"Please don't give me that innocent look. You know damn well what I'm talking about! You snubbing Terry! What else? That was very low and insensitive from you!"

Kid tensed at her words and pulled a long face. "I don't like how he looks at you. That ain't the way a man should look at a pregnant woman unless she's his wife!"

Louise stared at him with an astonished expression while she wheezed. "Rachel was right. You're jealous!"

The accusation did not sit well with Kid and even though he knew she was speaking the truth, he resorted to deny her words. "I ain't jealous!"

"Then what is it?" Lou snapped in a loud tone. Even though his behavior towards Terry had been totally inappropriate, she kind of felt pleased that he was actually jealous of the attention another man gave her, but as he denied his jealousy, her anger soared. "Come on, Kid, spit it out! What is it? Does it irritate you so much that somebody might like me? He's the only one outside the station who doesn't talk or look at me as if I were a sack of manure! Does it bother you so much? Maybe you really enjoy seeing me despised, scorned and snubbed by everybody!"

On hearing the pain in her voice, Kid pulled the reins to stop the horse and turned to her. As he noticed her eyes shining with tears, he felt like a fool and cursed himself for upsetting her. "Lou, I'm so sorry. You know I just want you to be happy, seriously. It's true, I admit it. I was jealous. I can't help it. I'm afraid that I might lose you to somebody else. You're too valuable to me."

"I was just talking with him."

"I know. I'm just an idiot. Please forgive me." Lou gave him a coy look and let him draw her to his arms and be comforted. "I'll apologize to him if that's all right with you." Louise made a guttural sound in agreement while she relished in the warmth and comfort of being between his arms. They remained in a close embrace and at some point Kid said against her hair, "Gosh, Lou, I didn't give you the option to look at other 'possibilities' and now you're stuck with me. Maybe you would be better off with somebody else."

Louise pulled away and stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "Don't be silly, Kid. I don't need to 'look' at anything else because I only have eyes for you." The rider gave her a satisfied smile and the girl added, "Besides, I seem to recall it was me who chased after you as soon as you caught my eye, cowboy."

Kid set the horse in motion again while Lou hooked her arms around his right one and rested her head against him. "You didn't have to chase much as I was more than ready to be chased," Kid replied with an ample smile.

"I ain't sure about that. You weren't very easy," Louise retorted with a teasing pout.

The rider chuckled amused as he remembered those first awkward times. Those memories were very dear to him but at the same time it was painful to think that everything would have been so different if Lou had been granted her deserved place in life. They had lost so much time because of her father's doing. Yet, Kid couldn't know for sure how everything might have turned out to be if things would have gone differently. Maybe Lou wouldn't be expecting the baby, and she'd even be married or in love with somebody else. In short, this was their life now and Kid couldn't thank heaven enough for bringing her to him. She was the greatest gift life could have given him.

Without averting the eyes from the road ahead, the rider said, "I was a fool then. Who could resist you? A lovely, beautiful, intelligent, seventeen-year-old girl who…"

"Not for much longer," Lou muttered, cutting him off.

"Uh?" Kid let out, lost at the meaning behind her remark.

"I'll be turning eighteen soon," Louise explained without much enthusiasm.

"When?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"Why haven't you told me?" Kid asked turning his eyes to catch hers.

Louise shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "It's nothing special. Just a day."

Kid kept thoughtful for a moment, his mind playing with the information she had given him. He was about to protest to her last comment when she straightened up on the seat and exclaimed, "Here we are at last!" His place came into view and he decided not to utter a single word more about her birthday, and instead he stopped the wagon in front of the house and helped her out of it. The repairs would take him all afternoon, which would give him the opportunity to think because whatever she said, he'd make sure that Lou's birthday would be special in the same way as she was to him.

* * *

It was late in the evening when Kid approached Rachel's house and knocked lightly at the door. After dinner, like they did every day, he and Lou had been quietly conversing and enjoying the peaceful evening. When she had felt tired, he had escorted her back to the house. From the bunkhouse porch Kid had been watching her room window, and only when the light had gone out and a few minutes had passed, he had headed for the house.

After a few seconds the door opened and Rachel appeared before him. "Kid," she said, surprised at finding the rider. "Something I can do for you?"

"Rachel, could you step outside for a moment?" the rider asked her in a whisper. "There's something I need to tell you and I don't want Lou to catch wind of it."

The woman sent him a confused look, but did as he said without uttering a single word. As soon as she shut the door, and they were both on the porch, Rachel did not beat about the bush and asked straightaway, "Something wrong with Lou?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," the rider quickly calmed her fears and carried on telling her about what he had learned that afternoon about Lou's birthday in two days' time.

"What do you intend to do?"

"I thought we could give her a nice surprise, a little party with presents and maybe one of your lovely cakes?" the rider let out in a subtle but direct hint.

"I'd love to make one. I think it's a good idea, and it's high time we had a reason to celebrate," Rachel replied with a big smile.

"I want to make it special for her."

"We will," the woman stated without the slightest trace of doubt in her voice, and watching the rider's expression, she could guess that there was something else on his mind. "Is there something else you want to tell me, Kid?"

"Rachel, I…"

"Come on, boy. Spit it out."

"I want to ask her to be my wife," the rider blurted out, and at Rachel's surprised countenance he added, "Lou and I have never talked about marriage openly even though there's no doubt that we'll be living on the ranch together. But I want to ask her properlike and do it publicly with you, Teaspoon and the boys. She deserves to know how proud I am of her, and how much she means to me."

"That's very sweet of you!" Rachel exclaimed, rubbing his arm encouragingly. "We were all staking on when you'd do it. It's going to be the best wedding ever. So I gather we'll have a double celebration, her birthday and your engagement."

"All I want is to make her happy… like she deserves," the rider simply said.

"I know, honey," Rachel replied, smiling candidly. "And now we'd better turn in. There's a lot to do tomorrow, and it's gonna be a major deed to hide all this from Louise till the big day. But we'll think of something."

Kid grinned in delight and couldn't wait for Thursday to arrive, so he could see Lou's face when they surprised her. And it would be even better when he'd propose to her and she'd say yes. That would be the evidence that his dream had really come true. He had wished they could be together for so long that he still couldn't believe that Lou was actually part of his life and marrying her would be the last piece to complete the picture.

"Good night," he finally said and while he walked away from the house, whistling a cheerful tune, Rachel stepped back inside, bearing a smile that challenged the dark clouds that had threatened with rain all day long. "Thank God," she muttered as she leaned her back against the door and without further delay she scurried up the stairs, her head full of plans and arrangements for Louise's coming wedding. Nothing could be better and it was going to be the greatest event at the station in a very long time.

* * *

"Louise…" The soft voice calling her name managed to get through her still numb and asleep mind. Lou opened her eyes slowly, and found a smiling Rachel looking down at her. "Good morning, sleepyhead!" the woman greeted cheerfully but Louise simply kept staring at her, not completely awake yet to manage to utter a single sound. "Happy birthday, honey!"

On hearing the woman's last words, Louise clumsily sat up while she rubbed her drowsy eyes from the remainder of sleep. "Happy birthday?" the girl repeated while she yawned widely.

"Of course, silly. Today is your birthday, ain't it?"

Lou worked out the days in her head and as she regained her senses little by little she muttered, "Yeah, it is."

Rachel sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a parcel on the girl's lap. "Here. This is for you."

"Rachel, no, I…"

"I don't want to hear any protests, young lady," Rachel cut her off, foreseeing Louise's intentions. The girl kept staring at the wrapped-up package as if frozen, and then the station mistress urged her on. "Come on, Lou. Open it."

Louise sent her a bashful smile and very slowly she started removing the string and brown paper to reveal a beautiful leather bound notebook. "I thought you'd love it when I saw it at Tompkins… something nice to write your letters to your baby in. You're still writing, ain't you?" Louise simply nodded while caressing the smooth cover of the book. "And you know," Rachel continued, "you can give it yourself to your baby when it grows up. Let it see how hard mama struggled for its sake."

Louise lifted her gaze to the lady, and smiled ruefully. "My mother used to do the same." At Rachel's questioning expression the girl added, "Woke me up early on my birthday to give me her present."

Rachel smiled at the hidden praise behind the girl's comment. "Your ma was surely a great woman."

"She was," Louise agreed. "Only thing she was too weak to fight him. She tried to make things better for me, but I guess she never completely realized how badly he hurt me."

"Louise, don't think about that today. All that's in the past"

Lou smiled ruefully, feeling that the past wasn't so far away as the station mistress believed and its tentacles might reach her someday whether she liked it or not. "This is too much, Rachel," she muttered, directing her gaze back to the notebook in her hands.

"Nonsense."

"How did you know it was my birthday?" Lou asked with a frown when it dawned on her she had never breathed a word to the station mistress.

"Kid told me."

"Him and his big mouth," Louise let out unhappily. "I imagine I should expect something from him as well."

"You bet," Rachel replied among giggles. "It's natural. You're his special girl. Let him spoil you, Louise. Enjoy it… you deserve it."

"If you say so..."

After talking for a few more minutes Lou got up from bed and readied herself for the day while Rachel tidied up the room. Both women soon left the house and headed for the bunkhouse where they'd have breakfast with the rest of the riders. As they stepped onto the porch, the door opened and Kid dashed out.

"Hey!" he greeted with a big smile as soon as he saw her. His arms automatically moved towards her, and whereas a hand framed her face, the other one softly stroked her middle. "How are my two babies, today?"

"We are fine," Louise replied with a smile that matched his bright one.

They remained looking into each other's eyes till a voice sounded next to them, breaking the moment. "Morning to you too, Kid."

"Oh… Rachel. Hi. I'm… sorry. I hadn't seen you," Kid retorted clumsily, pulling away from the girl and turning to the woman.

"Yeah, I've noticed it," the station mistress remarked, grinning amusedly. "The view this morning is kind of distracting… at least from where you're standing."

The rider blushed in embarrassment and as he met Rachel's eyes, she wiggled her eyebrows pointedly. Kid caught the hint straightway and turning back to Lou he said, "Honey, I was on my way to find you. There's something I need to tell you today."

"Yes?" Lou replied in a sing-song voice, her lips spread in anticipation. She was expecting Kid to wish her happy birthday, and even though she had never cared much about these things, she really wanted to hear the greetings from his lips.

"It's about Katy."

"Katy?" Louise repeated with a frown, her smile fading at once.

"She's picked up a stone on the trail, and I wanna make sure she didn't hurt her hoof. I'm gonna take her to Doctor Wheeler, and then I'll be helping Teaspoon in town, is that all right with you?" Louise nodded imperceptibly, trying to hide her disappointment from him. "I'll see you tonight then."

Kid gave her a quick peck on her cheek, and dashed towards the stables before she could spot the lie on his countenance. Louise stood on the porch watching his fleeing figure and then she noticed an arm surrounding her back. She looked up to Rachel, and muttered with a wry expression, "He didn't remember."

The woman tried to keep a serious countenance. Kid wanted to give Lou a surprise, and she needed to play along. "You know what men are like, honey. They never pay attention to those things."

"I don't really mind. It's just … I'd have liked to spend the day with him as we usually do. Instead I won't see him all day."

"At least he ain't on a ride."

"Yeah…" replied Lou without much enthusiasm.

"And now, young lady, what about us having some breakfast? I'm sure the little one's protesting cause mama won't feed it," Rachel remarked, patting Lou's bulging middle softly. Louise smiled at her comment and without any more delay both women walked into the bunkhouse.

* * *

Louise spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon in her bedroom. A few days ago she had bought some fabric to make a few clothes for her baby, but with her daily visits to Kid's ranch she had not been able to do any sewing. Though she had not liked it when Kid had said that he would be away all day, she now welcomed the break his absence gave her. In the asylum she had been taught how to sew and make clothes, the only good thing she had got from there which now came in handy.

It was the early hours of the evening and her back was starting to complain after spending too many hours hunching over the material. Louise thought of having a break now, so she left her room. The house was in silence and after calling Rachel's name several times without an answer she realized that the station mistress wasn't at home.

Lou stepped out on the porch and her eyes swept through the deserted yard. Smoke billowed from the bunkhouse chimney, and she started wobbling towards it. When she had crossed almost the whole yard, she saw Ike coming from behind the bunkhouse. "Ike!" Louise called and dashed towards the rider as quickly as her condition allowed her. As she reached him, she realized that the young man had an expression of utter horror on his face as if he had just killed somebody and had been caught trying to bury the corpse. Louise furrowed her brow curiously but then a smile lit her face as soon as she caught sight of the bunch of daisies the rider was holding. "Are you going courting, Ike?"

The rider stared at her with the same weird expression and started to sign frantically with his free hand. Louise tried to follow him but even though Buck and Ike had taught them some Indian signs, she still couldn't understand much, especially when he did it so fast. "Whoa, Ike. Slow down, please. I can't understand you." The rider stopped his signing and her being a bit curious, she didn't give up and kept asking, "Come on, tell me, who is that lucky girl? I won't tell anybody. I promise."

The rider was at a loss, and Louise was about to continue when a couple of hands came to cover her eyes from behind. The softness of his touch, and the texture of his skin were enough evidence for Louise to know who those hands belonged to. Her mouth split into a wide smile and she swirled around while exclaiming, "Kid! You're back!"" The girl threw herself into his arms impulsively, and when seconds later she pulled away, the rider said, "I can never fool you, can I?"

"You know you can't," Kid gave her an odd look and the girl added, "I'd known it was you anywhere."

The Southerner smiled happily and without any warning he leaned over and kissed her full on the lips. "Happy birthday, Lou," he said when the kiss finished while they remained in each other's arms.

"You remembered?" the girl asked, her lips forming a satisfactory smile.

"How could I forget?" Kid replied as he locked eyes with her, and after a beat he asked, "So tell me, how would you like to spend your day, honey?"

"I dunno," Louise muttered. "I don't care as long as you stay with me."

"What if I give you my present first?"

"That sounds good," Louise replied with a grin, and before heading for the bunkhouse, she looked over her shoulder. "Ike?" she called but realized that the rider was gone. "Oh…" she let out in a tiny voice.

"He scurried away when you were squeezing the air out of me with that hug," Kid explained teasingly while he grabbed her hand, and they started towards the bunkhouse.

"Very funny, Kid," the girl replied, feigning to be offended by his comment and thinking about Ike and their conversation, she added, "I never meant to give him the brush-off."

"He knows you can't resist me," the rider continued in the same mocking tone, which made Lou chuckle. Kid eventually dropped the tease and added, "Don't worry. He knows we're in love."

"You know what?" the girl exclaimed, bearing a mysterious air over her. "I think he's courting somebody. Did you know?"

"Ike?" Kid asked, feigning ignorance and at Lou's nod, he simply said, "I'm glad for him then." They had reached the bunkhouse and as they stepped onto the porch, the Southerner stomped on it raucously. Louise threw him a quizzical look which the rider ignored and instead he said in a loud voice while he opened the door, "Come on, Lou! Let's get inside!"

Louise stared at him as if he had lost his mind. Kid was acting weird all of a sudden, and she wondered what was wrong. As the rider did not seem to catch the silent question in her eyes, the girl continued towards the inside of the bunkhouse. She was about to say something but her intentions were stopped short when a big cheer almost startled her. "Surprise!" Soon an astonished Lou was surrounded by the whole Express family.

"What… what's this?" Louise stuttered.

"It's your birthday, remember?" Kid spoke behind her.

"And we just couldn't not have a celebration," Rachel added and came to hug the girl.

The riders and Teaspoon followed suit and expressed his good wishes to Louise. Kid approached her last and gave her a soft kiss on her lips. "Was this your idea?" Lou finally asked the rider.

"Of course it was. Who else?" Rachel spoke before the Southerner could reply and coming next to them she steered the couple to the table. "And don't think of protesting, young lady. You deserve it. And now let's sit down and eat all the food I've prepared today."

"Never heard wiser words come out of your mouth, Rachel," Cody piped in, which was seconded by everybody's smiling countenances.

Louise sat down at one of the ends of the table, her usual place just lately since sitting on the bench was too uncomfortable at this stage in her pregnancy. Ike presented her with the daisies she had seen him hold before, and she uttered soft thanking words. Louise was so overwhelmed that she could hardly move or react. All her birthdays had been so pathetic to say the least that she had even thought the day was some kind of curse. Her father had made her feel that way, and in the asylum she had never given it a thought. Every day was the same and birthdays or Christmases did not count. This was the very first time she actually celebrated his birthday, and she couldn't help but feel very emotional.

A hand grasping hers under the table snapped her out of her thoughts and looking up she saw Kid sitting by her side like every single day. He smiled at her, and Louise gave him a soft grin. Their eyes met, and Lou wished she could show him how lucky and happy she felt for having him in her life and having his baby, but she refrained from doing so. She did not want to cause a scene and give Cody and the others more excuses for teasing them.

They enjoyed a relaxed and lively dinner. Rachel had made Lou's favorite dishes, completed with a scrumptious lemon cake. Teaspoon and the riders showered her with gifts and trinkets. Louise stared at everything with awe and hardly could she utter a single sound. "This … this is too much. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything then," Jimmy remarked.

"I'm really grateful to you all. I love the food, the presents…"

"And I still haven't given you mine," Kid broke in.

"It ain't necessary."

"It's more than necessary," the rider retorted. The others around the table exchanged knowing smiles at their friend's comment, all aware of what he intended to do. Lou sent him a questioning look as Kid took something out of his breast pocket. It was a little velvety pouch and hidden from her sight he poured its contents into the palm of his hand. Without hesitation Kid took her hand and to her astonishment he lowered himself on a bended knee.

The smile that had been present on Lou's countenance vanished at once and her face paled as she looked at Kid with wide eyes. The rider didn't notice her change of demeanor and started with the speech he had been rehearsing for the last two days. "Lou… Louise, I wish I were able to express in words everything I feel in my heart. When you came along, you fit into my empty life perfectly, like a piece in an unfinished puzzle. We didn't have it easy at all and I think it's time we made up for all those wasted months. I want to care for you and our baby, love you, live with you, grow old with you… So here in front of our family I have a question to ask you." Kid paused for a moment and after clearing his throat he said in a clear voice. "Louise McCloud, will you marry me?"

Her eyes shone with unshed tears, and she felt unable to move or utter a single sound. Lou simply kept staring at him with a pained expression. Thinking that his proposal had frozen her out of emotion Kid urged her with a big smile, "Come on, honey. Say something."

Her lower lip began to quiver and the tears she had been holding back came unleashed. She looked at his blurred image, and to everybody's astonishment she replied in a cracked voice, "Sorry, but I can't … I can't marry you."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter XLIV**

As soon as Lou's words of refusal were heard in the silent bunkhouse, the smiling faces of everybody around the table changed to sullenness and bewilderment. For a few seconds Kid stared at Lou as if he wanted to believe that he had simply misheard her. Her tears, though, confirmed his worst fears and embittered and gloomy he clumsily rose to his feet from his knelt position before Lou, and sat down back on his seat on the bench. Without looking at anybody he put the small ring back into the red velvety pouch and feeling his strength crumble the rider planted his elbows onto the table heavily and buried his face in his hands.

Lou's soft whimpers soared as she saw Kid look so distraught. She realized that she should have talked to him about this before, and they wouldn't be in this awkward situation now. Louise had just wanted to believe that she could ignore the signs and for once she had told herself that she had a right to dream and enjoy the love of her man like any other girl. "I'm so sorry, Kid," Lou started in an emotional tone while she tried to control her tears. "I really wish I could say yes. I'd love to marry you, but I can't. I can't."

Kid lifted his face from his hands and turning his cold eyes to her he asked in a gruff voice, "Why not, Lou?"

Before she could answer, Teaspoon cleared his throat and said awkwardly, "Boys, Rachel, we better leave them alone and …"

"No, please don't go," Lou cut him off and silently begged all of them to stay. She wanted them all to know her reasons. As Kid had rightly said, they were their family, and she hated it if they all thought that she wasn't taking Kid's love and proposal seriously.

"Why not, Lou?" the Southerner repeated when she didn't reply straightaway.

"Because… because of my father."

"What?" Kid exclaimed in sheer confusion.

Louise sighed audibly and looking him straight in the eyes she said, "I can't make my own decisions. He has some kind of legal document that states that I'm mentally unbalanced, and he's the only one who can handle my life. Even if we got married in secret, it would be a fake marriage and he'd have it annulled as soon as he heard about it." Lou sighed again and added in a tiny voice, "I'm just a poor crazy woman."

"But that ain't true!" Cody exclaimed.

"Ain't it?" the girl replied, turning her now dry eyes to the blonde rider. "You all believed I was insane… for many months."

"Lou, we didn't know…" Jimmy retorted, but she did not let him complete the thought.

"What I mean is that the truth ain't important. I'm the same person, nor crazier or saner, just the same, but you can't control what others may believe." She paused and directing her eyes back to Kid, she added, "I'm legally demented, which means I can't decide over my own life. I belong to him, and if he wanted, he could claim me, send me back to the asylum… do whatever he pleased, and nobody… nobody at all would stop him.

"He'd have to go over my dead body!" Kid exclaimed in a loud tone, furious at the thought that Boggs might want to play havoc with Louise's life again.

"Kid, you wouldn't be able to do anything! The law would be on his side, wouldn't it, Teaspoon?"

"I'm afraid Louise is right, son," the marshal said in a grave tone.

"I live with the constant fear that he'll try to harm me again, that one day he'll turn up here and take me away from you. He hates me, and I know he won't let me be. Now I'm carrying your baby, he knows you have your rights, but when I give birth, he'll try something. I know."

"Can't you prove somehow that you're not insane? There must be something you can do," Noah butted in.

"I could talk to my friend Leonard Parris. He's a good lawyer," the marshal added.

"I don't know. I can't think a judge will believe my word over Mr. John Boggs's. It's hard to believe a father would go to those extremes against his daughter, ain't it?" Lou turned back to Kid and placing her hand over his, she muttered, "I'm so sorry."

"I want to marry you, Lou."

"Me too."

"Ain't there anything we can do?" Kid insisted, refusing to believe that they couldn't become the real family he'd been dreaming all along.

"We'd need his permission."

"Maybe we could go and talk to him," Rachel, who had been listening in silence, suggested.

"No! I don't want you to do that! He'll never consent, and I don't want him to humiliate us anymore!"

"Lou…" Rachel tried again. She was well aware of what John had done, but she did not want to believe that he didn't even have a pinch of humanity in his self. He had been cruel and callous to Louise, that was indisputable, but Rachel knew that there was also goodness in him. Deep down it hurt her to think that her husband, the man she had fallen in love with, was a heartless beast. The day she had gone to see him at the bank, something had stirred in her insides. The good memories had assaulted her but the bad ones had overshadowed them at once. Rachel was reluctant to admit that she still loved him, but for better or worse she did. Naturally she'd never be able to go back to the way things had been, but that love was settled in her soul, hurting her, burning her.

"Rachel, you don't know him as well as I do," Louise replied, cutting her off. "He hates me and will do anything to make me suffer. I do know." The girl turned to Kid once again and muttered, "I'm sorry you fell for the wrong woman. My life is far too complicated, and I can't even guarantee we will be together for good."

The Southerner took hold of her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. "You ain't the wrong woman. We're family and nobody… nobody is gonna pull us apart. Nobody."

Louise looked at him in disbelief. "Are you ready to live with me in sin? That's all that's left for us."

"I'll do what it takes; I just wanna be with you."

The girl had to smile at his sweet declaration. Kid sounded resolute and certain, but the fear did not leave her. Her heart told her that sooner or later Boggs would make his appearance, and she'd better be ready for the worst.

Lou stared at the man she loved in awe. It was incredible that somebody could have so much faith in her. The last couple of weeks had been amazing; she had never felt so alive and happy in her whole life, and it was because of this man. Anyone would have fled from this situation which meant not having a normal life like any other couple, but Kid was different. And Rachel had told her in one of her conversations that he had wanted to break with everything for her sake even before he had learned that her insanity was a lie. Suddenly Louise felt the strong need to express her gratefulness and love for him, and leaning over, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek while she whispered, "Thank you."

The rider smiled coyly and then they heard Cody's voice resound in the bunkhouse, "Well, there's no wedding, but this still deserves a toast."

"For once you're absolutely right, Mr. Cody," Teaspoon exclaimed and the other riders and the two women smiled in agreement.

Rachel filled the bright glasses that she had used for the occasion with red wine. Teaspoon had agreed that a single round of good wine wouldn't go against the company's policy and had even bought the bottle at Tompkins's himself. Each one grabbed their glasses, eager to taste the sweet drink, except for Louise who would have some sarsaparilla on account of her pregnancy. Teaspoon rose from his chair at the head of the table and raising his glass he said, "To love and family."

"To love and family!" the rest echoed and clicked their glasses gaily before drinking the dark red wine.

"And to sinful relations," Cody exclaimed.

"Billy!" Rachel chided lightly, a smile on her lips.

"It ain't a bad thing. Heck, they're up to have some good fun! I wish I were in their shoes!"

The riders chuckled at their friend's comment and in an attempt to hide her embarrassment and red cheeks from the rest, Louise turned to Kid. The others were talking and bantering like any other day, and ignoring everybody else she said in a low and soft voice, "This is the best birthday ever."

"And there will be more to come, one for every year of our lives," the rider stated firmly and reaching for her he gave her a brief kiss on her lips, quick enough to be kept from the others, who would not pass an opportunity to tease them.

Louise smiled at his soft words, praying that he was telling the truth. She longed for a life with him, a full life with him, every day, every month and every year, all her existence completed with the man sitting now by her side. Yet, the fear lurked in her soul and she was afraid that the day would come when her worst nightmare became a reality once again. For the moment all she could do was enjoy the present as if there was no tomorrow, just this very minute, this very second as it was actually her reality. Tomorrow wouldn't exist for her if she was snatched of everything she loved... then she'd just want to die.

* * *

The impeccable whiteness of the spread came to cover the soft surface of the bed. Her hand smoothed the creases over the whole length, and when it was finally up to her satisfaction, she stepped back to admire her job.

"What do you think?" Rachel asked.

"It's beautiful," Louise breezed in awe without averting her eyes from the metal-framed bed. The furniture that Kid had ordered from Tompkins had arrived a few days ago, and ignoring the rider's protests she and Rachel had been coming to the ranch to do some cleaning and put everything in order. Today the station mistress had presented her with the beautiful white quilt she herself had used when she had first been a bride. "But I don't think I can accept it, Rachel."

"Don't be silly. All girls should have beautiful bedding for that special night with their man."

"It's white," Louise replied pointedly. "Kid and I ain't married… can't get married. We ain't having a wedding night and … I ain't exactly a maid," she added, stroking her bulging middle.

"That doesn't matter, Louise. Married or not, you deserve it. Besides, do you think I was a virgin myself when I married my first husband? I might not have been pregnant, but I wasn't innocent at all."

"Rachel!" Lou exclaimed among giggles, bringing her hand to cover her mouth.

The station mistress joined her mirth and when the two women sobered, Rachel said in a very serious voice, "I'm gonna miss you so much when you move in here."

"I ain't going to the other end of the world. I'll be just a ride away. I expect you'll be here more often than not when the baby's born, won't you?"

"I know. But it won't be the same, though," Rachel replied with a sigh. The small world she knew was coming to an end. Changes at the station were rapidly succeeding one after the other. It wasn't only Kid and Lou who were planning to start a life in common, here on the ranch, but everybody else intended to go in different directions since they all suspected the Pony Express was living its last agonizing weeks.

Some days ago they had received an unexpected shock when Cody came announcing that he had joined the army. Teaspoon had energetically protested to no avail, and Cody would soon be leaving Sweetwater for the east where the war was savagely ravaging the country. Cody's announcement wasn't the only news they'd got lately. Noah had also expressed his intentions of leaving. Apparently on one of his rides he had met a girl called Cassie in Rock Creek, and they had been corresponding and courting in the distance. In his last letter Noah had asked her to marry him, and Cassie had accepted. The rider didn't know where they'd finally settle down, but he would move to Rock Creek the weeks prior to the wedding.

That was good news. Yet, Rachel didn't know if she'd be able to attend that wedding. Lou was due in a few weeks, and she couldn't leave her in that moment. It seemed her boys were growing up, and starting their own lives. Jimmy, Ike and Buck hadn't mentioned their plans for when the Express shut down, but Rachel suspected that they surely had something in mind. _It was unbelievable_, thought the station mistress. Barely a couple of months ago she had been surrounded by her whole family, her husband, the children, the boys, Teaspoon… and soon she'd be alone.

Her train of thought stopped when she felt an arm over her shoulders. "Rachel, you know you ain't alone," Lou said, guessing where the woman's mind had wandered off. "Kid and I ain't leaving you, and my baby's gonna adore its young and beautiful granny."

Rachel had to smile at the girl's words. It was strange to think of the long road they had walked since the day they had first met. Back then Louise was just her husband's crazy daughter, but now she was her best friend and her biggest support in these uncertain times. Lou seemed so different from those first moments, but Rachel knew that she was the same, she hadn't changed. It was the rest of them who had changed, who were now seeing the truth as it was. Louise was a great girl and she was going to miss her terribly.

Steps outside the bedroom drew the two women's attention, and Lou's face instantly broke into a smile when Kid walked in. "You ready to go, ladies?" the rider asked.

"Have you finished on the barn roof?"

"Not yet, but I'll continue tomorrow."

Lou nodded and hooking her arm around his, she turned him towards the bed. "What do you think?"

"The quilt looks beautiful on the bed you bought, Kid," Rachel added.

"Uh… yeah," the Southerner answered, blushing furiously. He found it very awkward and embarrassing to talk about the bed he and Lou would be sharing in front of the woman who was like an elder sister to him and Lou's step-mother. "Can… can we go now?"

"Sure," Lou replied, exchanging an amused look with the station mistress. The three of them ambled out of the house, and while Rachel placed the baskets she had brought along at the back of the wagon, Kid helped Lou onto the seat.

"You know I can't wait to sleep with you in that bed," Kid whispered in her ear and then his lips joined hers in a long kiss, forgetting about everything else.

"For your information I'm still around, Kid," they heard Rachel say and they pulled away quickly.

"Yeah, Ma'am," the rider muttered, his face blushing in a shade of bright red again, and after helping Lou onto the carriage, who wore a teasing smile on her countenance, he rounded the buckboard to give a hand to Rachel. The station mistress took the reins from the rider and then urged the horse forward while Kid followed them on Katy.

The ride from the ranch to the station did not take them long, and soon they spotted the windmill that was the first thing to welcome the riders after a long run. From there the ladies had a clear view of the whole property.

"Seems we have a visitor," Rachel said as she sighted a chestnut horse tied to the corral. She knew that the boys had gone for a dive in the waterhole and Teaspoon was busy in town. They weren't expecting anybody else, and Rachel was curious to know who their visitor was.

When they drove into the yard and came closer, the mysterious rider showed up from behind the horse. "Oh God," Lou exclaimed with a quivering voice. Her voice started to tremble, and as a gut reaction her nails clawed into Rachel's arm.

"Do not fear," Rachel said, pronouncing each word very slowly and without averting the eyes from her husband, who stood in the middle of the yard.

Kid had also noticed him and spurring Katy into a gallop he dashed past the wagon and jumped onto the ground even before his mare had halted completely. "What the hell are you doing here? Turn round and leave us alone, you hear me?" he snarled, pointing a menacing finger at the banker.

Boggs remained impassive, and ignoring the Southerner completely he turned his eyes to the wagon, which had stopped behind the rider. "Hello, Louise."

The girl felt the air had been sucked out of her lungs, and she could not even react. This was what she had been dreading for the last couple of weeks. Her worst nightmare had become a reality, her father had come for her, but she was so stunned that she couldn't even cry. Rachel by her side stroked her arm encouragingly, which made her snap out of her stony state. "What … what do you want?" she finally managed to ask.

"I came to talk to you."

"She doesn't have anything to talk to you about," the rider growled in the same angered tone.

"Kid, please…" Louise said, begging him silently to let her handle this matter in her own way. The rider nodded and went to help the ladies out of the wagon. When Louise was safely on the ground, she folded her arms over her now ample bosom protectively and addressed the banker. "All right, you want to talk, speak up then."

"Alone."

Louise shook her head. "They stay. Say whatever you gotta say. Unlike you, I don't keep secrets."

Boggs nodded reluctantly, and took a step forward, which made the girl stand back. The gesture froze the banker and he stopped short at a certain distance from Louise. He cleared his throat and after a few seconds he started, "You … you were right. I made some inquiries... I … you were right. You are really my daughter."

In the last weeks Boggs had hired a detective, convinced that he would confirm what he had always believed, but he had been wrong. That detective just backed up the words that Louise had uttered that night. Naturally Boggs had been reluctant to accept that, and had even gone all the way to the town where the story had started. He had always believed that Mary Louise had cheated on him, that she had conceived her first child with a man she had been very close to, one Stephen Bryant. It turned out that his suspicions were totally wrong. Even though his late wife had been unfaithful to him, a baby could never have been conceived. Boggs had learned that Mr. Bryant was sterile. The fella had been married twice, but had no children because according to every busybody in town, he didn't "work".

For Boggs that discovery had been like waking up and finding out that he was actually in the middle of a nightmare, a very real one. From that moment on he hadn't been able to think about anything else but Louise. All the years of her life had appeared before him like a mirror… from her birth, her childhood, her younger days… to these last months. It felt as if everything was so different now that he knew, and he came to realize many things he had never considered. How had he been so blind? Louise actually looked like him, more than his other two children, the same slender features, the same mannerisms, a similar character… and he cursed himself for having missed such evident resemblance until now. "You… you're my daughter," he repeated in almost a whisper.

"So what?" Louise replied in a curt tone.

"Louise I… I'm so sorry. I was so wrong. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, I know. But you can't imagine the torture I'm going through…"

"Why? Because a child of yours doesn't deserve what you did? Is that so?" Lou exclaimed in a loud angry voice. "You know what? I'm the same person, and I never heard a word of regret from your lips when you thought I belonged to somebody else! You destroyed my childhood, almost my life. I don't care who I was born to. It was me, me alone who suffered your humiliation, your cruelty, your despise." The tears began to pour from her eyes and when the emotion drowned his words, she simply said, "I got nothing else to tell you." True to her word she swirled around and scampered towards the bunkhouse as fast as her state allowed her while Kid dashed after her, calling her name repeatedly.

Boggs stood on the same position, staring at her fleeting figure, and when she disappeared into the bunkhouse followed by Kid, the banker couldn't hold back any longer and fell on his knees while sobbing like a small child.

"John, please, calm down," Rachel said as she knelt beside him, but her words didn't have any effect on the man who continued sobbing and howling.

"No, not my little girl, my little girl," he bawled loudly.

As best as she could Rachel pulled him to his feet and dragged him inside the house. Once there she dropped him onto the sofa while she went to the kitchen to boil some water for tea. Boggs continued whimpering and mumbling the same three words "my little girl" over and over again. Rachel walked back into the lounge and placed the cup of tea before the man. "Drink this," she said in a blank tone as she sat down across him.

Boggs looked up at her as if he did not know where he was or what Rachel was doing there. His sobs had calmed down a bit and he said in an agonizing tone, "How, Rachel? How could I do that to my little girl?" The woman did not try to speak, and Boggs continued in the same pitiful voice. "I let that beast touch and rape my girl. I sent her to that hole where she might have died. For four years, for four long years. And I never thought of her in all that time. I wanted her dead and out of my life for good. I wouldn't have shed a single tear for her if she had died…" his voice trailed off as the pain and the tears for what might have happened took over him.

Rachel kept looking at her husband unaffected by his tears, and simply said, "Life is surely punishing you the hard way, John. But don't expect me to feel any compassion for you because you don't deserve it."

"I don't," the man replied in a whisper and feeling the need to unload his tormented soul he continued, "I hated her so much, Rachel … so much. Her mere presence turned me into a completely different person, an animal, a demon. Since the moment she was born, she was a clever, beautiful, charming baby, and I hated her even more."

"How can anybody hate a baby, John? How could you?"

"I … I don't know," the banker admitted in total frankness. "Mary Louise was absolutely crazy about her. No wonder about that. She was a sweet child, looked at you with those big brown eyes of hers, those sad big brown eyes that melted everybody's heart."

"Except yours."

"Yeah," Boggs replied in a soft tone. "My poor little girl."

"John, she ain't yours," Rachel retorted in a gruff way. His attitude angered her and even though she could understand his pain, she felt his regret came too late. "You lost that right long ago."

"I know. I can see she's grown into a beautiful, sensible lady."

"Not thanks to you."

"I know that too."

"John, just leave her alone. Louise has suffered enough, and deserves some happiness, some solace. You lost your opportunity to be a father for her and she doesn't need you anymore. Haven't you always said that she ain't your daughter? Well, keep it like that. Let her be. She just needs to start living a normal life, the kind of life you stole from her. Her baby and Kid will surely help her heal some of her wounds and become a complete person again."

At the mention of Kid's name, Boggs lifted his head and said, "I hope that boy's doing right by her or else I…"

"You have a lot of nerve to come here demanding anything!" Rachel snapped angrily. "Kid is a good young man who loves her. He's being really good to her… more than you could ever say. Louise looks very happy, and I ain't gonna let anybody meddle, anybody at all. Do you hear me, John?"

"Don't fret. I ain't gonna do anything. I've learned my lesson."

Rachel sobered and using a softer tone of voice she added, "You know, they want to get married, but…"

"They can't without my permission," Boggs finished the thought for her. Rachel nodded, and the banker continued, "Seems she's a proud little thing… just like me." The man sighed and then added, "I'll talk to my lawyer, and sort out her legal situation. She won't have to depend on me or anybody else anymore. I guess the whole process will take a while but in the meantime I'll sign the permission. Is that all right?"

"It's the only decent thing you could do."

Without another word Boggs rose to his feet and walked to the door. Just before stepping outside he turned to Rachel, who had remained on the sofa, and said, "I'll also arrange for her to have her mother's inheritance. Drop by the bank tomorrow. I'll leave everything with Luther. You won't even have to deal with me anymore."

With these last words and without waiting for an answer he swirled around again and scurried out of the place, slamming the door shut behind him. Rachel remained in the same position, frozen, unmoving, looking at the closed door, and out of the blue she let out a loud sob while tears started cascading down her pale countenance.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter XLV**

Rachel's announcement about Boggs's decision was received with wary coldness from Lou's part. The girl still could not believe that her father had actually consented to give her his permission. Somehow she expected that this was just a trick of his, and he was just lying low, waiting to hit her once again. Of course she did not voice her fears to anybody and tried to share the happiness Kid was showing, but she did a very poor job of pretending. Kid wasn't a fool, and could read her as clearly as an open book. He kept telling her not to worry, but she just felt unable to do so. Her whole life told her a very different tale, and she couldn't help but feel suspicious of her father's intentions.

The following day Louise was in the bunkhouse. Kid had just come back from a ride, and after having a bite he had fallen asleep in his bunk after arguing with Lou that he did not want to rest. The fool could hardly keep his eyes open, and Louise had had to use all her persuasive powers to drag him to the bed. Of course as soon as his body had touched the mattress, he had drifted into a deep slumber and thus getting his rest. The other riders were in town, so with the sole company of Kid's deep intakes of air Louise enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere of the bunkhouse while she wrote on the smooth, white surface of the notebook that Rachel had given her for her birthday.

Suddenly the door cracked open, and Rachel burst in while she exclaimed, "Louise! Look what I've brought you!" The girl did not have time to gesture the station mistress to shush, and her loud voice woke the rider, who straightaway sat up and slid out of his bunk. "Hi, Kid. Sorry for waking you up."

"It's all right," the rider replied with a husky voice, which clearly conveyed that he wasn't completely awake yet. He started putting on his boots, and Rachel sat down at the table next to Lou.

"Look at this!" she said, producing a couple of sheets out of her reticule and placing them on the table before Lou. The girl stared at them in silence for a few seconds. Kid came to her side, and she picked them up and showed them to him without uttering a single sound. One of them was the written permission for her to go along with her marriage plans, and the other one was the title for a bank account in her name with had been credited with the money that her mother had bequeathed her.

"I… I can't believe it," Louise finally managed to utter.

"Honey, believe it because it's real," Rachel added, rising to her feet and coming behind the girl. "And soon a judge will declare that you're a perfectly sane person."

"I can't believe it," Lou said for the second time, feeling completely in awe and staring at the paper in her hands as if it were a ghost. She turned to her side and looking at the rider she asked, "What do you say, Kid?"

"Well… there's something missing."

"Missing?" Rachel echoed with an expression of disbelief in her countenance. "What are you talking about?"

"Well… just a little big detail… a certain young lady needs to answer a very important question that remained unanswered," Kid replied, his eyes twinkling with mischief. At his comment the two women smiled, and the rider scooted over on the bench near Lou and cupping her face between his hands, he said, "Louise McCloud, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Yes… you know I will," the girl replied in a whisper and closing her eyes she let him bring his mouth against hers and capture her lips in a short, but intense kiss.

Rachel watched the exchange between the young pair with exultation, but deep inside a pang a jealousy hit her for what they had. It was painful for her to see in others what she had enjoyed barely a few weeks ago. All that was lost, and even though neither John nor she had mentioned it when they had talked, they would soon get a divorce. It was senseless of them to still be married in name when they weren't together… would never be together again. John might find a woman someday who didn't care about his past deeds. From her part Rachel was sure she'd never try marriage again.

Kid and Lou were laughing at something that the station mistress had missed. The rider was now placing the engagement ring he had bought on her delicate finger. Rachel suddenly felt that she was kind of intruding on a moment that was reserved for just the two of them and turning from the couple she said, "I'll leave you two to celebrate. You know, I have a wedding to prepare."

"Thank you, Rachel," Louise replied as the older woman walked to the door and left the bunkhouse. "I still can't believe it," the girl repeated for the third time while she exchanged a look with her now fiancé.

"I know, honey."

Louise took the paper which stated that she was now the sole owner of the money her dear mother had left her in her will. "Do you know what this means for us?" Kid sent her a clueless glance and the girl continued, "With this money we can pay all the debts from the ranch and buy the horses you told me about."

"No, Lou."

"Why not?" Louise asked him with a hurt expression.

"That money is yours, Lou. Your mother wanted you to have it, and it's only right that you get to spend it on yourself."

"But, Kid, that's what I want to do. I like to think of the ranch as my home too, don't you?"

"Of course it is your home!"

"Then let's use ma's money, Kid. I'm sure she'd be happy to know that I'm making good use of it, having a place of my own with a decent man. That way we wouldn't owe him anything." Kid kept staring at her with a weird expression. "What?" she asked with a frown.

"Lou, I don't want you to live your life around him. Let's leave the past behind and think of the future."

"Kid, this ain't about my father, honestly. I just want us to be the only owners of our home. You also hate it that the bank has a share of it, and my father just happens to be the manager."

Kid kept peering into her eyes, certain that there was more in her mind than just her wish to be free of debt. Of course he couldn't blame her for feeling this way. Boggs had hurt her terribly, and it was logical that Lou didn't want anything from him. What worried Kid was that she might end up hurting even more in her determination to break free from the banker.

The rider kept thoughtful for a few moments and then said, "Let's do something. We'll just take enough to cancel the debt, and we'll leave the rest for the baby… for all the children we will have… for their education. I imagine your mother would feel happy knowing that her money will eventually go to her grandchildren. What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea," Louise replied with a big smile, but she furrowed her brow as she remembered some of his words. "_All_ the children we'll have? How many do you intend to have?"

"I dunno," Kid said as he put his arm over her shoulders and brought her closer to him. "But seeing as you got pregnant just from that one time, I guess this one won't be an only child… and I'm planning to love you a lot, milady."

"Do you understand that it'll be me who will be carrying and giving birth to all those children, Mister?" Louise remarked with a grimace. She couldn't wait to get rid of the discomfort and extra weight from this pregnancy, but at the same time thinking about going into labor scared the daylights out of her.

Kid chuckled at her expression of horror and added, "Then we'll have to be careful but please you can't cut down on the dancing."

The girl let out a peal of laughter. "Oh we'll see. If you behave…" They exchanged amused looks and after sharing some quiet laughter, Lou adopted a more serious tone and said, "I think you had a great idea, Kid. Mama would be proud and … she'd love you, I'm sure."

The rider blushed at her comment, clearly pleased with her words. "I'm sure she was a great woman… Can't think how she couldn't have been when she had you." He rose to his feet and started walking to the door. "I'm afraid I have to leave you now and start doing my chores. The boys won't be long, and they'll start moaning if they find me still lazing around." Louise nodded in silence and when the rider reached the door, he turned around and said, "By the way, Lou, save some of that money and buy something nice for you to wear on our wedding night."

"Will you please go?" Louise exclaimed among giggles, throwing a napkin at him before he scurried out. He could sometimes be so sweet and ridiculous at the same time. Here she was, twice her size, her middle looking like a giant cucumber, and he still thought she could look nice and enticing on their wedding night. Their wedding night. Louise sighed in contentment. She was going to become Kid's wife for real, his partner, his family. And she silently repeated the same words once again, "I can't believe it."

* * *

The next couple of days everybody at the station did their share to help the couple in the wedding arrangements. The pair couldn't wait and wished to get married before the baby was born. They didn't want anything fancy, just a little wedding at the station with the family and Teaspoon conducting the ceremony. Lou was almost eight months along and she didn't think it appropriate to go over the top for the occasion. Besides, she didn't need anything else; she already had everything she wanted, the man she loved. However, even though agreeing with the girl's ideas, Rachel wouldn't accept that Lou didn't get to have the special day that all girls should on their wedding.

The station mistress had bought a simple but beautiful cream-colored dress for her despite Lou's protests. Rachel was adamant about the whole thing and was even preparing the trousseau for the girl. It meant the world to her to do this for Louise. The girl's mother was sadly dead and her past history with her father was absolutely appalling. Rachel felt she wanted to make up for Lou's lacks that day. At least Theresa and Jeremiah would attend. Rachel had talked to Boggs, and he had consented to let his younger children be there for their sister's wedding.

When the station mistress had gone to talk to her husband, she had felt that John seemed a different person, a total stranger. This business with Louise had affected him deeply; he looked so sad and at the same time he appeared clumsy and absent-minded. That day smooth-talker John Boggs had been stammering, and his whole appearance was somewhat gruffly. Rachel knew that she shouldn't feel sorry for him, but the truth was that she did. It was clear that John was suffering his punishment, and he surely deserved it, but still Rachel couldn't help but pity him. She knew that now John wanted an opportunity with his daughter, that daughter that he had shamelessly ill-treated and scorned. His regret came too late, and despite her own feelings about it Rachel would never dare ask Lou to receive her father as if nothing had happened. Louise had every right to feel hurt and want to cut down all her ties from a father who had only harmed her in the past.

Kid and Lou had chosen Saturday for their wedding, and the day had finally arrived. Louise woke that morning with a big smile on her face. Strangely enough she had slept the night through and not even the baby had disturbed her sleep this time. She didn't feel nervous; this was what she had wanted since the moment she had met Kid. They were going to become one, and she just couldn't wait for that to happen. She wished she could forget about all the paraphernalia and be done with it, but then Rachel would just have a fit. Louise was grateful for everything the station mistress was doing for her, but the social events made her a bit uncomfortable even though her wedding was going to be a very small thing. Lou told herself that since she couldn't avoid it, she should make an effort and enjoy it as best as she could.

After having breakfast together, the two women went back to Lou's bedroom where Rachel started doing the bride's hair. Even though it had grown considerably, Louise knew that they couldn't do wonders with it. Its shape was kind of irregular as it had grown in different lengths, so Rachel had to cut it in parallel, which had meant for Louise to lose part of her tresses again. They decided to leave her hair hang loose and add a few wild flowers in a garland around her head.

As Rachel arranged the flowers on the girl's hair, they heard somebody calling the station mistress's name down at the yard. The woman walked to the window and after opening and checking who was calling her, she turned to Lou once again. "Your siblings are here." From the window she could see the wagon at a safe distance and John and the children waiting on it. "Won't be long."

Lou nodded, and Rachel quickly left the house and walked towards the carriage. She smiled as the children jumped from the buckboard and dashed to hug her. "Lou's in the house," she said and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Theresa scampered across the yard, but Jeremiah remained on the spot. "What's wrong, young man? Don't you want to see your sister?"

"Yeah… but pa says that men can't see a bride before the wedding… and all that girlie stuff is a bit…"

Rachel had to smile at the boy's explanation and the bits missing. "Kid and the others are in the bunkhouse. Come on, go on."

"Thank you, Rachel!" Jeremiah exclaimed and lunged towards the bunkhouse in much the same fashion as his little sister had a few minutes before.

The station mistress then turned towards Boggs, who hadn't moved from atop the wagon and remained seated in a solemn way. "Thank you for bringing them over, John." The banker nodded and hardly acknowledged her words. He simply kept staring towards the same spot, the window on the upstairs floor that he knew belonged to Lou's bedroom. Rachel followed the direction of his gaze and noticing where he was looking, she said, "Please, John, let it be and go home."

"My baby's getting married, and I'm being kept away like a mangy dog."

"John, it's your doing, nobody else's," was all Rachel said and ambled to her house, leaving Boggs behind. He remained seated on the buckboard; his gaze fixed on the window on the second story of the house. Some movement behind the glass panes told him that he was also being watched and his eyes almost popped out to make out who the curtains hid from his sight but he couldn't see anything, and with a sigh he looked away, yanked the reins and drove away.

In the bedroom Louise stood behind her window, staring at the yard through a gap in her lace windows which concealed her figure from prying eyes. She could feel her father's eyes boring into her even though she was sure he couldn't see her. Theresa's blabbering voice resounded behind her, but her words got lost to Lou's understanding as all her attention was drawn to the lone figure of the man sitting on the buckboard. The tears pricked her eyes. She knew she should move away from the window, but for some reason she couldn't. She finally saw him drive away, but she still couldn't move.

A hand on her arm brought her back to reality, and as she turned to her side, Rachel said, "Come on, honey. Move away from that window." Lou stared at her through her shiny eyes, and the woman added, "It's your special day, sweetheart. Let's get you ready, all right?" The girl simply nodded, and finally let herself be dragged from her window.

As the young couple had desired, the wedding was simple and intimate. Rachel's lounge had been arranged for holding the ceremony there. The riders had dressed in their best togs. They were waiting for the bride, and when she appeared from up the stairs, all looks turned to her. Kid stared at her as if mesmerized while she walked towards him. Lou knew that she didn't look anything special; her dress was very simple and her advanced pregnancy made her a peculiar bride. Yet, under Kid's admiring looks she felt special, like a beautiful princess. For some reason he had that unspecific quality which turned her world into an unreal wonder.

Lou was so concentrated on the man standing by her side and Teaspoon's words. Before long the marshal was declaring them husband and wife. Kid was so nervous that when Teaspoon voiced his permission for them to kiss, the rider stood unmoving, staring at her, and the marshal even had to urge him to do so, thus snapping him out of his reverie.

After the ceremony they had a small celebration. It was a beautiful spring day, and the boys had set a big table in Rachel's back yard where they all ate the food that the station mistress had prepared. It was an enjoyable day, one in which they all forced themselves to forget the problems coming their way: the war in the east, the end of the Express. They simply focused on enjoying the occasion and blot out their concerns for a while. Tomorrow worries would come uninvited, but today could be bright and spotless just for a few hours.

* * *

In another part of Sweetwater, away from the station a lone figure stood in the hall of a lonely house. It was the end of another working day and after locking the bank like usual Boggs had returned to his place, a big house in the vicinity of town. The banker was daily received by the loud voices of his two children, but everything was silent today. Jeremiah and Theresa were at the station, celebrating this special day with their elder sister. The silence of the house added up to the pain the banker was suffering from since the day he had learned the truth about Louise. He could hardly think of anything else; his days were filled with tortuous memories, and he felt unable to sleep at night, peppered by remorse and grief. As Rachel had rightly said, life was punishing him the hard way, and he didn't know if he could take anything else. He wished he didn't care about all this like he had before, but he just couldn't. His heart was literally bleeding from the pain he had caused Louise. All of a sudden he longed to have his daughter's forgiveness and love, something which he knew he didn't deserve. Yet, he felt he needed to do something to repair his mistakes, undo what had been done.

Boggs stood in the middle of the silent hall for a few minutes, only listening to the voices inside his head, the voices of his conscience. After a while a quick thought hit him, and he dashed up the stairs and burst into his bedroom. The sun was already setting and the whole house was covered in shadows and darkness, but Boggs didn't bother to light any lamps. He knew what he was looking for, and opening the wardrobe doors, he took a wooden box from a shelf over the hanger rod. As soon as the box was between his arms, he quickly left the bedroom and ran downstairs to his studio. Once there he placed the box on his desk and this time he lit the lamp atop the table. The room instantly illuminated and Boggs proceeded to open the lid.

The beautiful caved box had belonged to Mary Louise, his late wife, a place where she kept all her memories and mementos. Since her death Boggs had never touched this box, but for some strange reason he had never got rid of it. He always took it with him whenever he moved to a different town. Mary Louise had been a good woman, a caring mother and an excellent wife, and Boggs had loved her dearly. Her death had meant a terrible blow for him, and maybe because of his deep love for her, he had kept her box, her most treasured belonging, all these years.

Boggs unclasped the latch and opened the lid very slowly. He remained still for a few moments, and then started rummaging inside the wooden box. Mary Louise had practically locked her whole life in this small container. There was an old picture of her parents, a small reading book from her schooldays, Boggs' love letters to her and memories of their courtship: a dry daisy, a cameo brooch he had bought her, and a few things from when Jeremiah and Theresa had been babies.

The banker, though, put all that away, almost without looking at them and instead his attention got drawn to the so many little mementos she had kept from Louise's childhood. It was no wonder there were so many. Mary Louise had always tried to hide anything about her eldest daughter from him, and she had known that he would never have dared to touch her box. There was Louise's birth certificate. His name was written next to his wife's on the part reserved to the child's parents and on the bottom there was his awkward signature. He remembered how he had been reluctant to sign the document, but on having seen Mary Louise's tears at his refusal he had finally relented.

This memory burned him inside; he had been about to refuse, disowning his daughter from the very first moment. Boggs put the paper away and kept looking. There were so many bits and pieces. A drawing for mama, a letter for mama, a poem for mama, a photo with mama… things he had never known of, moments he had missed in his daughter's life. There wasn't a single reference to him… nothing. He had turned his back to her… and at the same time she had turned hers to him. Naturally he deserved it. He had never experienced all those special moments between father and daughter… those moments he had had with his other children: the first time to be called papa, hugs and kisses and that time when they said 'I love you'. Boggs knew he had missed too much. He had actually exiled her and refused to be part of all that. There weren't any good memories; all he could remember was his hatred, his determination to make his daughter miserable, and how well he had done it. His memories were fresh, hurting him, burning him, torturing him. He could actually feel her sad eyes on him, her pain and loneliness.

The banker picked up a portrait from the box. His wife and Louise were on it, a photograph he had never seen before. Louise must have been nine at the time and they, mother and daughter, were both smiling, but despite the first impression, Boggs could recognize the sadness in the girl's eyes… that sadness that he had put there, that permanent sadness that had soared when Mary Louise had passed away, and that had never disappeared. Boggs kept staring at the photo in his hands unblinkingly. Dozens of images popped in his mind, hurting him, striking him. His head throbbed painfully, his eyes itched and his whole soul cried like a piercing and shrill voice. Now the same image flooded his whole spirit and after staring at the photograph for long minutes, a fury like anything he had felt before started bubbling inside him, blinding him, deafening him, numbing him.

He jumped to his feet and hectically started opening drawers in his study, rummaging and scattering papers all over the room. When he finally found the document of his search, he dropped onto the chair once again and kept looking at the paper in his hands as if hypnotized.

The banker was so intent on the paper before his eyes that he never heard the front door open and close, so when Jeremiah's voice resounded in the room, startled he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Pa, what's happened?" the boy asked as he stepped into the studio and noticed the room floor full of scattered papers and all the drawers opened.

Boggs rose to his feet, and folding the paper in his hands he put it in his jacket's inner pocket. "You're back," the man stated in a grave tone instead of answering his son's question.

"The marshal drove us back," Jeremiah replied, looking at his father with curiosity. In the last few weeks he had been acting very weirdly, especially since he came back from that brief trip. He was always in a bad mood, and Jeremiah had even heard him weep in his room at night. The boy knew that all this had to do with Louise. Something strange had happened between the two of them and even though he had been angry with his sister for the changes in his life, he understood that he just couldn't blame her for the situation. His father wouldn't talk about it, and nobody was much eager to explain to him what was happening.

"I'm going out," Boggs announced as he grabbed his hat from the coat stand.

"Now, pa? Where to?"

"Out of town. Tell Mrs. Mortimer to stay in while I'm away, and you take good care of your sister. You're the man of the house. Don't let anything happen to Louise."

His words baffled the boy and when he reacted, his father was already out of the room. "But papa, what are you saying? Louise is married… she's with Kid," Jeremiah exclaimed while he followed his father into the hall, but Boggs did not seem to hear his words. "Pa…" the boy insisted, but the banker simply opened the door and walked out. Jeremiah stood at the threshold, watching his father mount his horse and ride away. He never looked back, and the boy finally saw Bogs disappear into the dark night. He shook his head, not understanding what was going on with his father and without further ado he closed the door and walked back inside.

* * *

Around the same time the newly married couple got to their home. As was the custom, Kid carried his bride over the threshold into the house, but he almost took a tumble when he bumped into a chair while making his way into the dark house. Louise got a strong hold of his neck, almost suffocating him and she started giggling. "Put me down before we have to spend our wedding night at Doctor Barnes's office," Louise said.

Kid instantly left her securely on the floor with a serious countenance. He didn't share the amusement Lou seemed to have. It had scared the daylights out of him when he had almost dropped her. Louise was eight months along and a fall in her delicate state could be terrible.

"You all right?" he asked, worry showing in his face and voice.

"Just fine, silly."

Kid simply nodded while he lit a lamp next to the door. "Why don't you get settled while I see to the horses?"

Louise didnot waste any time and scurried upstairs, carrying the lamp which Kid had handed her. The Southerner stayed in the room for a few more minutes, lighting a few candles in the living room, and then went outside again to feed and shelter the animals for the night.

About twenty minutes later Kid walked back into the house. He wore a big smile as he climbed the stairs, the same smile that had been constant on his face since the moment Lou had said 'I do'. It was simply amazing. Louise was his wife, and Kid felt like the luckiest man on earth.

The door to the bedroom was ajar, and Kid stood still for a few minutes, peering inside through the gap between the door and its frame. Louise was leaning against the window, apparently looking at something down in the yard. From his position Kid could just see her from behind, but the dim light in the room made her appear like a dreamy vision. She had discarded her dress and was now wearing a white nightgown and a thin robe in the same color. Kid stood transfixed on her image and his longing for her made him react and shuffle inside.

The Southerner came behind her and wrapping his arms around her frame he placed a soft kiss on top of her head. "I love you so much," he whispered like a caress. Louise turned around in his arms to look at him, and when Kid saw the tears rolling down her face, his smile erased off from his lips. "Lou…" he let out in a cracked voice, as fear crept into his soul. The idea that she might be regretting their marriage filled him with utter dread.

"Kid… I...," she started awkwardly and had to breathe deeply to control herself. "Kid, a year ago I didn't exist for anybody… I was nothing, not even a memory or a thought. And now… Kid, is this really true? Am I really here with you? Are we really married? Are we really gonna have a baby? Or is all this just a dream?"

The Southerner smiled candidly and cupping her face he wiped her tears with his thumbs. "Of course it is true, honey. I know it's hard to believe… I find it hard to believe, but yes, it's real. I'm your husband and you're my wife."

"It scares me to death thinking I might lose you."

"You ain't gonna lose me. I'm gonna be here for you… We'll always be together."

Louise smiled timidly at his words and then Kid asked, "You tired?"

"Actually I am."

The Southerner nodded in understanding and added, "Let's get some sleep then."

Louise stared at him with a surprised frown. "Sleep? It's our wedding night."

"We'll have many nights and days in our life Lou, but it's my first duty as your husband to take good care of you. I can't let you wear yourself out, and I'm just happy with sleeping by your side."

Louise felt her heart surge with love, a deeper and stronger love for this man, this wonderful man. Kid took hold of her hand and steered her to the big bed in the middle of the room. He pulled the bedding down for Louise, and she let him help her to get settled for the night. After discarding his clothes and blowing the light out, he dropped his body next to Louise. At once she snuggled against him, wrapping her arms around his chest possessively, which provoked a smile in him. Her face came closer to his and as she whispered her next words, her lips brushed against his ear. "We might not have a proper wedding night, but nobody said anything about the day after." Her comment made him burst out laughing in the silence of the room and as he encircled her between his arms, he felt he would never sleep better than tonight, catching a glimpse of the life he had in front of him.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter XLVI**

The sun shone brightly above Sweetwater, announcing a warm spring day. The last days' rain had ceased and with the good weather the town's citizens came out like snails greeting the sun. Likewise, wanting to enjoy the warmth of the day Kid and Lou had driven to town and were strolling along the boardwalk. They were talking and laughing as they ambled aimlessly arm in arm.

They had been married for five days now and their time together couldn't get better. After the wedding Kid had a week off and the couple had used this time to be at home, enjoy each other's company, and get settled in their new home. Today Rachel had invited them to dinner at the station and instead of heading there straightaway, the young couple had decided to spend a few moments in town, relishing in the good weather and getting a few more things for the baby at Tompkins. Now that the actual birth was getting closer and closer, they were buying and preparing everything they'd need when the baby was here.

As they kept walking leisurely on their way to the general store, they caught sight of Terry Barton who was coming towards them from the opposite direction, and when he noticed the couple, he waved at them in greeting. "Please be nice," Louise whispered to her husband just before stopping to talk to the young man.

This time Kid was civil and even friendly to Terry, shaking hands with him and even smiling. "I heard you two got married," the young man said, "so I guess congratulations are in order, ain't they?"

"Thanks," Lou replied, sharing a warm look with her husband.

"So you bought old Campbell's property?"

"That's right."

"It's a mighty good place," the young man commented.

"It definitely is," Kid agreed. "It's a bit run-down, but we're trying to get it back into shape."

"From what I've been told you're doing a great job out of it."

"Thanks," Kid replied, feeling pleased with himself at the comment, and after keeping thoughtful for a second he added, "You should come for dinner sometime… maybe after the baby's born."

"I'd love that," Terry replied with a smile, and tipping his hat to the girl he said, "Pleased to see you both. And congratulations again on your wedding." He turned to Kid and concluded, "You're a very lucky man."

"I know that," the rider promptly retorted, sending a smile to his wife while she blushed scarlet.

Terry took his leave and the young couple continued walking towards Tompkins's store. At some point Kid realized that his wife was looking at him with a very odd expression. "What?"

"Nothing. Just that you were awfully kind to him," Louise replied, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Why shouldn't I be? I feel immensely happy, I have the best wife in the whole world and … you know I patched things up with him a few weeks ago." As he had promised to Lou, Kid had apologized to Terry Barton for his poor attitude the day they had met him in town. It hadn't been easy to come up with an explanation for his foolish behavior since he wouldn't admit to the man he had just been jealous. Terry had been very understanding, and disregarded the whole thing. Kid had to admit that Lou was right; Terry Barton was a decent and honest man after all.

"Well, it was kinda amusing when you turned all jealous," Louise remarked with a tinge of mischief in her voice.

Kid had to chuckle at her comment and instead of replying to her teasing words he simply passed his arm over her shoulders to bring her closer to him while they walked. "Come on; let's do some serious shopping, Mrs. McCloud."

Lou grinned amused, and sighed in contentment. She was still in awe, still finding it hard to believe that this was her and her life. Joking around was something she hadn't been able to afford before, but now it felt so natural to tease Kid as if she had always done it. From the day they had got married everything had fallen into place, and Lou felt as if she had been Kid's wife all her life. She was so comfortable and at ease with him… as if she had landed on the perfect state… as if this had been waiting for her since the first day of her existence. Of course she knew that they wouldn't be spared problems and fights, but all she cared about right now was that he was by her side and they were starting their own family… a family where shouts, scorn or abuse weren't their daily bread. Kid loved her and they'd love all the children they might have with the same devotion. The past she had lived with her father wouldn't repeat itself. Kid was a good man and in the hypothetical case he wasn't she wouldn't let any man at all inflict the same pain her own father had caused her. No, there wouldn't be a repeat of her story. This baby was going to be loved terribly and there was nothing to be afraid of.

* * *

That same morning in another part of town Jeremiah and Theresa were getting ready to go to school. Their father hadn't come back home since the night he had left in such a rush five days ago. Mrs. Mortimer, their housekeeper, had stayed with them every day to look after them. This morning she had prepared the children's breakfast and while they ate the food, the woman was in the back yard, hanging the daily washing. Jeremiah and Theresa had sullen countenances while they finished their breakfast in silence. They felt very lonely and even though Mrs. Mortimer was a nice lady, they missed their father and … basically having the family life they had enjoyed at the station.

From the kitchen they heard the front door open and close. While Theresa didn't bother to move, Jeremiah did not waste any time and went to the hall to see who it was. His face split up in a wide smile as he noticed it was Boggs. "Pa, you're back!" the boy exclaimed but his smile faded when he realized the disarrayed appearance of his father. His hair was in a mess, his usually neat clothes were all creased; his jacket had a tear on its sleeve and even his shoe laces were loose. None of this mattered, though, when the boy's attention got drawn to his father's white shirt and he saw the dry blood stain on the front. "Pa, are you all right? Are you bleeding?" he asked, his eyes wide as saucers.

Instead of answering Jeremiah's question, the banker said, "Where's Louise?"

"Louise?" the boy repeated with a confused frown. "I don't know, Pa. I guess she is at her new place."

"Go and find her then. And watch out for her when you go to school. There are too many heartless men who can harm a little girl like your sister."

"What?" Jeremiah let out, more confused than ever. His father wasn't making any sense. Boggs didn't pay any heed to the boy and left him behind as he slid into his studio, locking himself up. Jeremiah shook his head in total bewilderment and after staring at the locked door for a few seconds, he shuffled back to the kitchen to hurry his sister before they were late for school again.

Inside the studio Boggs paced up and down the length of the room repeatedly as he mumbled incoherently. His forehead was sweating profusely and his whole body was shivering. With quivering hands he took a blood-stained handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his moist forehead. The room seemed to suffocate him and unable to bear the stuffy air inside the room, the banker pulled the window wide open and breathed in deeply.

The drowning sensation started to disappear, and Boggs moved away from the window. The jacket pockets felt too heavy and he began to empty them onto the surface of his desk. A bunch of gooey coins fell out of them, rolling on the floor; a crinkled paper, the same paper he had held a few days ago in which he had found the address and name of that man; a chunk of stale bread, a stone… and he finally pulled out the object he was trying to locate. The knife. The bloody knife shone as the sunrays filtering through the window reflected on its steel blade. The banker stared at the blood smearing it, still fresh, still warm, and then a smile appeared on his face, a smile which little by little turned into a reverberating, loud guffaw that echoed in the whole room ominously.

* * *

After shopping at Tompkins and their stroll through town, Kid and Lou dropped by the jailhouse. Teaspoon received the couple with open arms as soon as he saw them appear. It was clear that he was having a boring day; the cells were all empty, and he had even sent his deputy home foreseeing that he would be much more useful at his place than in the office warming the chair. Teaspoon promptly offered a seat and a glass of fresh milk to the expecting mama, and while Lou tasted the white liquid, Kid discussed some matters with the marshal. Now that he was a married man and had his own place and extra responsibilities, his situation was different. The Pony Express was living its last agonizing weeks or even days and its existence would come to meet its end at any moment.

Teaspoon was trying to reschedule the rides so that he didn't have to let any of his boys go. In any case, the station was already running with fewer riders now. Noah was already gone and living in Rock Creek. They had recently received a letter from him in which he said that he and Cassie would get married in a couple of weeks. On his part Cody was more often than not with his unit, and they hardly saw him around the station. He would soon leave Sweetwater for good and then there would be another gap in the bunkhouse, a too wide gap joined to the one that Noah had left.

These last changes had left the station with just four riders. After a year and a half of hard work, laughter, and friendship it felt strange to see how everything was gradually being reduced to nothing. Kid wanted to cut down on his working hours as a Pony Express rider. Even though his ranch wasn't working yet, he already had too much to do around his property and couldn't spend all his time at the station. Still, he couldn't leave his job completely since he still needed a steady income, especially with the baby coming any day now. Hopefully, his business would start off soon and would provide for him and his family. The day before he had gotten a couple of horses and he would start working with them as soon as possible.

"You two look good. Married life surely agrees with ya," Teaspoon said as he perched his body on top of his desk.

"We can't complain," Kid replied while sharing a sweet look with his bride.

"I can tell as much," the marshal added smiling from ear to ear. He was genuinely happy for the young couple. They hadn't had it easy, and it was high time that they finally got their much needed happiness and solace.

Suddenly, the front glass door burst open raucously, startling the three people inside, and two men stalked into the jailhouse. "Marshal Hunter!" called one of the men, who had a badge pinned onto his vest.

The marshal and the young couple rose to their feet and turned to the two men, and it was then that Kid and Lou recognized the man behind the lawman.

"Mr. Lloyd…" Kid let out in a soft voice, visibly surprise to see Boggs' boss in Sweetwater, especially accompanying the man with the badge.

"Kid… Louise," the man greeted them, tipping his head to the young woman.

"Marshal Hunter, I'm Fred O'Neill, the new sheriff in Saint Joseph," the lawman explained and Teaspoon nodded in understanding. With the impending war many law agents were being replaced by new ones… younger and less experienced.

"What can I do for you, Sheriff O'Neill?"

"I have a warrant to arrest one of your citizens, Mr. John Boggs," the man explained.

"What?" Teaspoon and the young couple exclaimed in unison.

The sheriff stretched his arm to hand the marshal the document while he said, "He murdered a man in cold blood a couple of days ago."

"It can't…be," Louise stuttered in obvious shock.

"Believe me, Ma'am. It's true. Several witness saw him do the deed in broad daylight."

Teaspoon handed the document to the young woman. Kid came next to his wife, and both of them read the accusations leveled at John Boggs. Apparently he had stabbed a certain gentleman to death in Saint Joseph, and when Louise saw the name of the man in question, her eyes flew open in surprise as she recognized him. "Oh God," she whispered as she turned to look at Kid.

"Do you know who he is… was?" he asked and Louise simply nodded with a serious countenance, which was enough for her husband to figure out the rest of the story.

"Louise," Mr. Lloyd piped in, "is there any reason why your father would want this man dead?"

The girl turned her eyes to Kid, who shook his head. He knew that she hated that part of her life and he didn't want her to have to relive it again by telling a couple of strangers something so personal and hard. Yet, Louise decided to ignore his warning looks and she said, "About five years ago… that man … took advantage of me." The last part of her speech came out almost in a whisper, and she hung her head low in a mixture of embarrassment and pain. Yet, a tiny smile appeared on her lips when she felt Kid's hand squeezing hers.

The men remained in uncomfortable silence until the sheriff decided to speak up. "I'm very sorry, Ma'am, but I' afraid that doesn't justify any murders. Nobody has a right to take the law into their hands."

"I know," Louise muttered.

"So, Marshal," the sheriff turned his attention back to Teaspoon, "will you kindly tell me where I can find Mr. John Boggs?"

The marshal hesitated for a brief moment, still unsure of what to think of these last developments. "I'll show you," he finally said and led the way towards outside the jailhouse, followed by the sheriff.

Kid and Lou remained inside the office in the company of Mr. Lloyd. They did not rush to say anything, and it was the older man who spoke first. "I'm very sorry. This is truly a very nasty business."

"What brings you here? How are you involved in all this?" Louise blurted out the question with a serious countenance, feeling irritated by the sole presence of the man.

"I just want to help," the man answered. "Your father has always been one of the best managers I've ever had, but things have changed lately. In the last weeks we've been receiving more and more letters of complaint from his clients here in Sweetwater. I thought it was really strange, and before doing anything, I sent a letter to your father, asking him to explain what was happening. Needless to say, he never replied, but one of his employees did. He drew an even nastier picture than the one we already had from all those complaints. I decided I needed to take matters in my hands, and then this horrible incident took place. So I tagged along with the sheriff and here I am."

"I… I had no idea," Louise replied, visibly shocked by the man's account.

"Something did happen to him, didn't it?"

Louise nodded, and Kid spoke on her behalf. "He simply woke up to reality."

Mr. Lloyd eyed the young couple with curiosity but evidently neither of them seemed ready to say one more word. Through a letter Kid had sent him, the man had learnt that Louise wasn't going back to the asylum. The rider had lightly mentioned that she had been the victim of a mistake, but he hadn't explained much further. "I just hope that everything turns out for the best."

"So do I," Louise let out with a tinge of sadness in her voice as they started off towards the door to join the two lawmen that stood in front of the jailhouse.

* * *

His body was carelessly leaning over his desk, his head resting on its mahogany surface and his hands stretched on both sides of it, and as the light coming through the window fell on his face, his eyes flickered and he started to wake up. For one moment Boggs was disoriented and confused. He did not know where he was or how he had fallen asleep in the middle of the day. Little by little he started to regain his senses and recognized his own studio.

The house was dead silent. Boggs rose to his feet and clumsily shuffled out of the room as an idea got fixed in his mind. He hurriedly threw his jacket over him and grabbed the bloody penknife from the desk, where he had left it. His heart was thumping inside his chest and deep fear started to invade his whole soul. He stumbled out of the house, carelessly leaving the front door wide open behind him and instead of taking his horse, he headed for town on foot.

Sweetwater was not far away, and soon Boggs was treading on its dusty streets. His breathing came ragged and labored after the long walk from his house. Like every day the town was bubbling with activity and people coming and going in their daily routine. Boggs wandered aimlessly, staring at everything around him, and for some strange reason he wound up directing his steps to where the schoolhouse stood. As he came closer, he could see a bunch of children playing in the dirt yard. It was time for recess, and the loud voices of the kids reached his ears.

Boggs squinted his eyes against the midday sun, and after scanning the crowd of children, he finally located his daughter. She was close to the schoolhouse, looking up at a man who was talking to her. Boggs felt fury dominate his whole body and soul once again when he saw the man tapping the girl on the shoulder and smiling at her in appreciation. Uncontrolled and blinded, the banker lunged towards where they stood, holding the penknife in his hand strongly. Before anybody knew what was happening, Boggs dug the sharp weapon into the man, first into the back, a second time into his chest and finally into his abdomen. He never heard the shouts and cries around him, or Theresa's whimpers, begging him to stop. It was when the wounded man heavily fell onto the ground that he turned to his daughter, stretching one of his bloody hands towards her. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore."

"But Pa…" the girl bawled, logically shaken under the strange and scary circumstances. "What have you done to Mr. Franklin?"

Boggs didn't answer and getting hold of her arm he began dragging her off the place. "Let's go home, Louise."

"I'm not Louise!" Theresa cried, trying to break loose but Boggs did not let go. The other children stared at the man with utter horror, and did not dare to move. At that point Jeremiah ran to his father when he realized what was happening.

"Pa! Pa!" the boy called in a desperate cry.

Boggs stopped momentarily and turning his angry eyes to his son, he ranted, "I told you to look after your sister, Jeremiah. How can you stand idle while men take advantage of Louise?"

"I don't understand, Pa. I don't know where Louise is. What are you talking about? And what have you done to the teacher?"

Boggs ignored his words and continued his way, dragging a hysterical Theresa along. Jeremiah stood paralyzed, staring after them in obvious shock. The other children slowly approached the teacher who lay lifeless in the middle of the yard. Many were weeping and some of them were calling for their mamas loudly. After a few minutes, Jeremiah finally reacted and shot towards town and Teaspoon's office in frenzy.

It seemed that today it took him forever to reach the jailhouse, but with great relief Jeremiah finally saw the building appear before his eyes. As he ran along, he could make out the figure of the marshal in the middle of the boardwalk next to Louise, Kid and two other men. On seeing them Jeremiah quickened his steps while he called breathlessly, "Teaspoon! Teaspoon!"

The five adults turned to the urgent voice calling the marshal and saw Jeremiah running towards them as if the devil itself was after him. Louise came up to him when he finally reached the place, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Miah, what's wrong?" she asked, noticing at once how distraught the boy looked.

"It's Pa," Jeremiah answered, gasping for air and trying to hold back the tears that pricked behind his eyes. "He's attacked Mr. Franklin, the teacher, and taken Theresa with him." He paused and on noticing the shocked faces of his sister and the men, he continued, "Something's really wrong with him, Lou. He thinks Tessie is you and keeps calling her Louise. I'm so scared, so scared."

The tears finally came out unleashed, and the boy started sobbing on Lou's chest. The young woman wrapped her arms around her brother as she tried to calm him down. "Shh, honey. Don't worry. We'll sort out all this mess with Pa, you'll see."

In that very moment Jimmy came galloping on his bay horse and stopped before the jailhouse, almost throwing himself off onto the ground before the horse came to a halt. "Teaspoon! I just came from the schoolhouse. Mr. Franklin has been murdered. People are saying that it's been Boggs and…" the rider stopped short as Teaspoon motioned him to do so with a bob of his head towards the two siblings who kept in a tight embrace.

"The children?" Teaspoon asked the rider.

"They were pretty shaken. Some of the mothers took it upon themselves to see to it that they got back home safely," Jimmy explained. "I left Buck on his way to the undertaker's."

"Well done, son," the marshal replied and turning to the sheriff, he added, "Let's stop this madness before it's too late." Without a last look at Lou, Teaspoon mounted his horse followed by the sheriff, Mr. Lloyd and Jimmy and they rode away without further delay.

With a heavy heart Louise stared after the four men and turned her eyes to a side, thus sharing a concerned look with her husband. Jeremiah still held onto her skirt and as he heard the men leave, he lifted his tear-streaked face to his sister and said, "What are they gonna do to Pa, Louise?"

The young woman cupped her brother's face in her right hand while she wiped the remainder of his tears with the other one. "I don't know, honey. Pa needs help, and Teaspoon will make sure he gets what he needs."

"I don't want anybody to hurt him!" the boy exclaimed on the verge of tears again.

"Jeremiah, nobody's gonna hurt your father," Kid assured him even though he had no certainty what was going to happen to the banker. First and foremost, they needed to take Theresa out of harm's way and then… There was no easy explanation to tell a boy like Jeremiah. John Boggs had murdered two men, and he would likely be facing a death sentence soon.

"Louise!"

The three of them turned to the voice and saw a very upset and flushed Rachel stomping along the boardwalk towards them. As soon as she reached the trio, the woman said in a quivering tone, "I've heard that John…" Rachel could hardly transform her thoughts into words and she simply asked, "Is … is it true?"

´"I'm afraid so," Lou replied in a morose way and Jeremiah threw himself to the station mistress's arms in the same way as he had done with his sister. Rachel looked at the couple with a painful expression, but refrained from saying anything else in front of the boy. She couldn't believe that John, her John could kill anybody. She didn't even recall him having a gun in his possession. Rachel was still in shock, and couldn't believe what they were saying, but still she had to admit that she didn't know the man she had married and loved. She would never have believed that he was able to harm a little girl like Louise. The realization that the man she had joined her life to barely a year ago didn't exist made the tears appear in her eyes and roll down her face.

Louise looked at the station mistress in silence. Rachel didn't know half of what was happening with the banker since she obviously was in the dark about his doings in St. Joseph and the first murder. The girl would not mention any of this, at least not yet, and she simply said, "Rachel, could you stay with Jeremiah for me, please?"

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked, using all her might to control her tears. Jeremiah also looked up at his sister, but did not let go of Rachel, wrapping his arm around her waist like a frightened, little boy.

"Yes, Lou. Where are you going?" Kid questioned too with a frown.

"To my father's. I guess that's where he is … where Teaspoon and the others are heading."

"Lou, you can't. Leave that to Teaspoon and the law!" the young man exclaimed with a tinge of irritation.

"Kid, whether I like it or not, he's my father… my family and I need to make sure my little sister is fine. I ain't asking you to come with me, but I won't stay here," she replied angrily, placing her hands on her now non-existent hips cockily, and before anybody could say anything, she swirled round and started to waddle towards the end of the street with resolution where they had left the buckboard. Kid was taken aback by her angry words, and for one moment he did not react. He stood there in stunned silence, sharing a look with Rachel and on seeing his wife diligently walking down the street, he shot after her, calling her name over and over again, "Lou!"

* * *

When Teaspoon and the other men reached Boggs's house, they found Mrs. Mortimer, the housekeeper, weeping and in a shaken state. "Oh Marshal Hunter! I'm so glad you came! It's Mr. Boggs!" the woman exclaimed among tears.

"Where is he?" asked Sheriff O'Neill.

"In his studio. Locked himself up with Miss Theresa. He's like crazy!"

"Mrs. Mortimer, do you happen to know whether he's armed? Teaspoon asked this time.

The woman nodded while she explained, not without difficulty, "Grabbed the shotgun from the cabinet, but I don't know if it's loaded."

Without further delay the four men dashed to the studio, which they found locked as Mrs. Mortimer had rightly said. From that side of the door they could hear Theresa's whimpers and begging voice, but nothing that told them that Boggs was also inside.

"John, it's Teaspoon," the marshal stated in a loud voice, pounding the door with his fist. "Please John open up. Nobody's gonna hurt you." After about fifteen minutes or so, the marshal gave up and the sheriff took over.

"Boggs, this is Sheriff O'Neill from St. Joseph, Missouri. The law is ordering you to surrender at this very moment… You hear me?" His words were responded by the same silence as with Teaspoon. Theresa's soft voice could still be heard, but nothing else.

"Teaspoon, we could easily kick the door in," Hickok suggested coming closer and drawing his own gun, ready to do as he was saying.

"Jimmy, that ain't a very smart idea, don't ya think? Little Theresa is in there and we don't know what he has in mind or what he's capable of," Teaspoon replied, grabbing his rider by the arm and stopping his intentions.

"But we need to do something. We can't hope he'd open this door willingly! And precisely because we don't know what he might do, we can't wait any longer!"

"We'll think of somethin'," Teaspoon replied, losing patience with the young man. In that moment Mr. Lloyd was giving it a try, but he was having the same response with the banker. In truth, Jimmy was right. They had no idea what was happening inside the room, and he was afraid of what Boggs might do to his daughter. Yet, barging into the studio like in a stampede wasn't an option. Boggs might get nervous, and in that state he could shoot that gun. A dangerous situation, when Theresa was in such a vulnerable position.

Steps behind their backs resounded in the house and as they turned round, they saw Kid and Lou appear. "What on earth are you two doing here?"

Louise came closer to the men and instead of answering Jimmy's question, she said, "Please let me. This is my father."

Without a word the men moved away from the door, and the young woman came to stand before. She knocked a couple of times. "Pa, it's me, Louise. Please open up, and let me in." The girl cast a look at the men when nothing happened and only silence responded her summons. She was about to knock again when they clearly heard the door lock being released. Louise took hold of the doorknob and threw a weary look at her husband.

"Lou please, no."

"I'll be fine, Kid. This is something I have to do. Don't worry. Please," she said in a tiny voice and breathing in deeply, she turned the doorknob and let herself in.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter XLVII**

The door creaked open as Louise slowly made her way inside the studio. The room was almost in total darkness, except for a dim light burning in an oil lamp. The window shutters were closed, and the fireplace was also cold. Louise squinted her eyes as they adjusted to the lack of light, and she located her father and her sister at once. Boggs was sprawled on a chair in front of the mahogany desk, the shotgun, which he held in his hands strongly, between his legs while Theresa was sitting on a stool next to him. As soon as the young girl noticed her sister's presence, she jumped to her feet and dashed to her, hugging her close. Theresa was whimpering as she encircled Lou's middle tightly. "It's all right, honey. Nothing's the matter," Louise said softly while stroking her little sister's head.

Boggs had also stood when he heard his eldest daughter enter and kept staring at her in awe. "Louise…" he let out in a whisper.

Lou cast a look at her father, who appeared so different from the last time she had laid eyes on him. He looked older, but at the same time he seemed like a confused child. All his clothes were in disarray, some blood stains covered his white shirt and his hair was all disheveled and dirty. He still held the gun in his hands, and Louise did not know what to say exactly. She had been determined to get into the room, but now that she was inside, she had no idea what she could do. After a few seconds of awkward silence she voiced the first thing that popped into her mind. "Why don't you let Theresa go?"

"Uh?" Boggs let out as if he didn't know what she was talking about.

The young girl looked up and said in a husky voice, "He keeps calling me Louise and acting all strange."

Lou nodded in understanding and addressed her father once again. "I'm here with you now, Pa. Let Theresa, your daughter Theresa, go, please."

Boggs turned his eyes to Theresa, who was looking at him with an apprehensive expression while holding Lou's skirt tightly. "It ain't safe. Those bad men want to take her, take my little Louise."

Lou tried to keep calm but felt that this was going to be more difficult than she had thought. It would be useless to reason with him, and make him see that Theresa wasn't her. Boggs was acting crazy… an idea that made her shiver. She took a deep intake of air and added, "There are no men outside, Pa. It's just Theresa's friends who want to play. I'm here with you now. Didn't you want to see me? It's me, Louise… your Louise."

Boggs stared at her blankly and after a few seconds he said, "She may go."

Louise smiled a strange smile and without a single word she opened the door and pushed her sister out of the room. "And now lock up," Boggs spoke behind her while she was closing the door again.

"Why?" Louise replied, tuning to him with a nervous grin on her face.

"Do as I told you. All those men are there lurking in the dark, waiting for the moment to grab you. We're safe here… only here."

Lou did not try to speak, and locked the door. She did not know how she would manage to convince her father they should leave the room. He definitely needed to be checked by a doctor before he tried to do something else.

"Come and sit with me, Louise," Boggs said as he flopped into the armchair and tapped the stool Theresa had previously been sitting on.

Louise advanced towards him wearily. She had to admit that she was scared. The sweetness in his voice and his soft words frightened her more than the hardness and despise she was used to expecting from him. She was clueless about what her father had in mind or what he was thinking about. He seemed to have lost the ability to distinguish what was real and what wasn't, and that made her real scared.

When she finally sat down on the stool, Boggs took hold of one of her hands and stroked it as if he was desperate. Louise was feeling very awkward, and did not know how to respond to his display of affection. Her father had never touched her or even kissed her and his peculiar behavior now made her very uncomfortable. "Nobody's gonna hurt us here," he said. "I'm gonna take care of you."

"Nobody wants to hurt us," Lou replied in a soft voice.

"You're too young and naïve, Louise, but no man can be trusted, not a single one of them. But you don't need to fret. Your Pa's not gonna let anybody do anything to you. You do believe me, don't you, baby?"

"I … do," Louise answered with evident uncertainty, noticing that he was in such an upset and distressed way that she suspected he wouldn't listen to reason.

The man smiled. "Good girl. Your ma was just telling me that we might go for a picnic or something one day. You're being such a good daughter, and you deserve a nice treat."

"Mama's dead," Louise retorted as the tears gathered in her eyes at the mention of her mother and at the same time realizing that Boggs's condition was worse than she had initially thought.

The man ignored her words and continued regardless, "Or we might go to the circus. I've heard that one's coming to town shortly. Do you remember when we went to that carnival… you, mama and me? I got you that beautiful doll from one of the tombolas, and you had cotton candy and a toffee apple. I couldn't say no to you. You have always had me wrapped around your little finger. Do you remember that day, Louise?"

"No, Pa, I don't," Louise muttered as the tears that she had been able to hold back so far started cascading down her face.

The episode the banker had mentioned was a totally different story. That day the Boggs family went down to town to join the local festivities. Jeremiah had been barely six months at the time, and Theresa hadn't been born yet. Louise had a grim and scary picture of that day. Like usual Boggs had been the perfect gentleman and family man to everybody's eyes. That day the banker had been ecstatic, sharing his cheerfulness with all his neighbors. Jeremiah's birth had transformed him and he was in a good mood most of the time. As they had walked around town, decorated with banners and flags, Louise had followed her parents in silence, watching everything with big eyes... the different stalls selling all kinds of goodies, the many street performers and jugglers who displayed their talents in front of everybody.

A circus had also set in town, and all the children asked their parents to go to the spot before the show started. Louise had simply held to her mother's skirts, walking silently by her side. The town's atmosphere had naturally attracted her curiosity like any other child's but she never dared to say anything or express her wishes. She would well have called herself lucky then. It wasn't every day that she got to enjoy these treats as her father usually didn't consent to it. Yet, the occasion had been different. Since Jeremiah's birth Boggs had let her be most of the time in the last months, which had given young Louise some solace.

That day at some point several women had gathered around her mother, all eager to see baby Jeremiah. Louise had stood aside behind all those ladies, none of which gave her a single look, and then she had noticed that her father was staring at her. The girl had met his eyes, and to her utter surprise he had addressed her and with a too soft voice he had asked her if she'd like to see the circus. Before she had known what was happening, Boggs had started pulling her along towards the end of the street, leaving Mary Louise busy with her lady friends. When they had reached the circus tent, Boggs had made her go inside from the back. Louise remembered the scary and strange animals locked in the cages which they had passed by as her father made her keep walking into the place.

A man then had appeared and started talking to Boggs. Even though she was very young back then, Louise had understood the conversation between her father and that stout man. A couple of coins had passed from the stranger's hand to Boggs's, and with sheer terror the girl had fully understood that her father was selling her to that man. She had tried to voice her protest, but the fear she had felt in that moment had frozen and petrified her. Boggs had never looked her way as he had cheerfully talked to the man as he always did when he had dealings with a client.

Suddenly, a piercing cry had resounded in the place, startling the animals. Somebody was calling her name with anxiety, and then Louise had seen her mother running to her and, falling to her knees she encircled her in her arms tightly. Louise remembered how her mother had started shouting at her father and crying at the same time. The girl didn't recall what had happened later but she did remember that the incident had scared her stiff.

"I don't remember Pa," she repeated with a bitter voice.

"You have to!" Boggs replied in a loud voice. "You got lost, and ended up in the circus!" The man let out a guffaw while he clapped his hands raucously. "You should've seen your own face when you saw me appear! You threw your little arms to me, and didn't want to let go all day long. You have to remember that, Louise. That was what happened. You do remember that, don't you?"

The tears kept rolling down her face as the man talked about his fantasy. Louise lowered her eyes as she finally said, "Yes, I do."

"Your pa adores you, you know," Boggs replied as he brought his hand to pat her head in the same way she had seen him do to her siblings or other children so many times. All this was a cruel joke. Lou had longed for so many years to hear her father express his love for her, and it had to happen when he seemed to be immersed in a confused and chaotic state.

"Pa, why don't we go? We need to see a doctor. Please."

"A doctor? Why on earth a doctor? I'm not sick. You just worry too much, Louise. You're like your ma, another worrywart."

The young woman knew that this wasn't going to be easy at all, but she had to find a way to get him out of the room and to the doctor. He wasn't well. and as it became more and more evident how serious his condition was, Louise grew increasingly concerned. "Uh… it ain't you. It's me. I ain't feeling well, and I'd like you to come with me. You know, the baby's due soon."

"What baby?" Boggs asked with a clueless expression.

"My baby… your grandchild," Louise whispered as she stroked her very evident expanded middle.

Boggs stared at her with an expression of utter horror as if he was actually seeing her for the first time. "Who… who did that to you?" the man asked, his voice tinged with obvious fury.

"I ain't a little girl anymore, Pa. Me and Kid got married, and we're gonna have a baby, remember?" Boggs remained silent, staring at her in awe. Louise clumsily rose to her feet and stretching an arm towards him she dared to say, "Please, Pa. Let's go."

The banker kept looking at her stretched hand for long minutes, unresponding, frozen on the spot, his left hand holding the gun tightly while the other one squeezed the chair arm. After what seemed like an eternity he let go of the weapon, which thumped onto the floor heavily, and to Lou's relief he accepted her hand and let her help him back onto his feet. They advanced towards the door with slow steps. Boggs seemed to have grown ten years in these days and seemed clumsy and doddering and despite everything, Lou felt very sorry for him.

Louise finally reached the door pulling her father along like a puppet on a string. She released the lock, turned the knob and finally opened the door. As soon as she stepped out, she was surrounded by a pair of arms that she instantly knew belonged to Kid. Yet, Louise couldn't relish in the comfort her husband's embrace gave her since she heard how all hell broke loose when Sheriff O'Neill grabbed Boggs and tried to cuff link him. The banker fought him with all his might and being a much stronger man, the sheriff pinned him against the wall. The room filled with the loud voices of everybody and as Boggs kept struggling and resisting, in a quick movement the lawman drew his gun and cocked it.

"No!" Louise cried in a desperate voice, and before Kid had time to stop her, she slid out of his grasp and rushed to stand between the two men. "Please don't hurt him! He's just sick! Please," Louise begged the sheriff, who after some hesitation lowered his revolver.

The man stepped back to give the woman room to handle the matter in her own way. The banker had calmed down, and simply kept staring at his daughter as if she was the only one who was there. Louise cupped his face between her hands and peered into his weird-looking eyes. "Come on, Pa. Let's go to the doctor, all right?"

She smiled despite the tears pooling in her eyes and without any delay, she hooked her arm around his and they walked out of the house. Boggs seemed to have forgotten his confrontation with the sheriff, or the presence of the other men, and as he followed his daughter, he looked very pleased and proud as if he were escorting her to church on her wedding day. Lou's face showed a very different perspective. She was trembling like a leaf, and she dreaded what would come from this. Even though her father did not deserve her consideration, she could not help but fear what he would surely have to face. Two murders would mean a certain death sentence and then what? Louise did not want to think, and she simply let out a deep-throated sigh as she stepped into the open while the men followed her close at close range. "Oh God!"

* * *

Louise paced up and down the boardwalk just before the doctor's office. With no little difficulty they had finally managed to take Boggs to the surgery after the banker had started to fight and yell as soon as the town had come into sight. Teaspoon and the sheriff had left for the jailhouse a few minutes ago. Sheriff O'Neill had had every intention to throw Boggs into a cell straightaway, but thanks to Teaspoon's intervention the man had finally consented to letting the banker be checked by Doctor Barnes. Mr. Lloyd had also left to find himself some accommodation in the local hotel. So Kid and Lou found themselves on their own, waiting for the doctor to appear and hear his news.

"Lou, why don't you sit for a moment?" Kid spoke from his position on the bench, lined against the wooden wall of the building.

"I can't…" the young woman replied, stopping her hectic pacing for a moment to look at her husband in the eyes. Kid rose to his feet and came closer, drawing her to him. Louise let herself be cocooned between his arms, and she buried her face in his shoulder, letting out the frustration she was feeling.

"Honey, I know you're worried but there's nothing you can do."

She lifted her eyes to him and cracked in a pitiful voice. "What's happening to him, Kid? I don't understand… I…"

Just in that moment the door to the office opened, and Doctor Barnes stepped out. The couple let go of each other and Kid asked, "How is he, doctor?"

The physician shook his head ruefully. "Not well, I'm afraid. He doesn't seem to understand or recognize anything around him. He simply keeps calling you," he said turning to Louise. "It was quite a deed to manage to submit him. He even tried to hit my wife, so I gave him some laudanum and he's asleep now." The doctor sighed audibly and added, "I'm afraid I had to take an extra measure. I had to strap him to the bed. There's no say what he might do to others or himself when he wakes up. I've done all I can, and now we'll see how he progresses. You're free to go and see him if you want."

"Thank you, Doctor Barnes," Kid said, shaking hands with the physician. Lou stood in silence, looking morose and sullen, and only when the doctor walked back inside, she spoke.

"It ain't right."

"What?"

"Nobody should tie him up like a rabid dog."

"Lou, it's for his own good."

"Yeah… for his own good," the young woman let out bitterly. "That's what they used to say in the asylum. It was for my own good. But let me tell you something, Kid. It did me anything but good."

Her words hit the rider painfully. Wherever she mentioned those years she had been forced to live, deprived of everything, he felt totally powerless for not being able to save her from that torture. Kid wished he could erase those terrible memories and years from her life, but that was something he could never do. Anger and frustration invaded all his being, and on this occasion the comment was out of his lips before he had any thought about it. "It was thanks to him that you had to go through all that."

"For goodness' sake, Kid! You don't need to remind me of that because that's something I won't forget so easily! But that remark of yours is totally uncalled for right now!" Lou retorted angrily.

"I'm just saying that I ain't sorry he's getting some of his own medicine!"

Louise stared at him with growing irritation. "How can you be so damn insensitive! He's sick and should inspire our pity and not our despise!" She looked daggers to her husband and folding her arms over her bosom protectively, she added in the same angered tone, "And now if you excuse me, I'm going to see him. And don't bother to wait for me. You don't need to waste your time on us."

Louise swirled around and was about to march into the building, but Kid reached for her and stopped her intentions. "Please, Lou." She turned around slowly, her countenance looking very grim as she listened to him. "I don't want us to fight. You know I love you, and I simply hate thinking that somebody might hurt you."

His words managed to soothe her and she felt sorry for being so hard on him. Kid was right about her father but the day's events were clearly playing havoc in her frayed nerves. "I know, Kid." Lou did not say anything else and simply placed a kiss on his lips, thus letting him know how much she appreciated him being there for her. Kid smiled as she pulled away without removing her arms from round his waist and he added, "Come on, Lou. Let's get inside and see him."

When they stepped into the room where Boggs was, Lou's hand flew to cover her mouth as she stared at her father. "He looks so small," she muttered without taking her eyes off him. The banker had his legs and arms tied to the metal headboard and foot of the bed. The image brought Lou memories of all the times she had found herself in the same situation after one of her self-harming bouts. Back then she had felt like a wild animal without a way out and in her longing to escape had always made her resort to the only possible escape. In those days of suffering her mind always went back to her father and siblings. She would wonder where they would be, what they would be doing and even whether they ever remembered or thought of her. In her silly fantasies she used to think that one day they would come to rescue her from that black hole, which naturally never happened. And now it was so weird to see that her father found himself in the same situation that she had. He might not be in an asylum, but he was practically now being a reflection of her own life.

Kid came behind her and hugging her from that position, he placed a kiss on top of her head. "I don't like seeing him like that," she muttered, lifting her eyes to her husband.

"I know and I'm sorry, honey."

It was then that the door creaked open and Teaspoon walked in. The couple turned to the marshal straightway as he asked, "How is he?"

"He's now resting. Doc gave him something to help him sleep," Kid explained.

Louise couldn't control her curiosity any longer and blurted out her question without ceremony, "What's gonna happen to him, Teaspoon?"

The old marshal didn't answer straightaway and took his time to find the right words. "I managed to persuade Sheriff O'Neil to let him spend the night here, but I'm afraid a judge is comin' tomorrow."

"Things don't look good for him, do they?"

"I'm afraid not, sweetheart." Lou shook her head bitterly and Teaspoon added, "I left little Theresa with Rachel and Jeremiah at the station."

"I imagine they must be pretty upset."

Teaspoon nodded. "They don't really understand what's happenin'."

"I don't understand either!" Lou exclaimed, throwing her arms to the sky. She breathed in deeply, to calm down her nerves and turning to Kid, she asked, "Could you do me a favor and check on them on your way home? Tell them that Pa is a bit better or… whatever you think it right."

Kid glanced at her with a confused frown, fearing what she was planning now. "On my way home? What do you mean, Lou? What are you intending to do?"

"I'm spending the night here."

"What?" Kid exclaimed, almost choking at her words. "You can't. That's crazy."

"Kid, I'm not gonna argue with you over this."

"Lou, be reasonable. You're giving birth in a couple of weeks or so. You need your rest and ain't in condition to be sitting up all night long."

"Kid, you know that I can hardly sleep at night lately. I'll be fine. There's nowhere else I can be better than at the doctor's office. You know that."

"Lou…"

"He's my father, Kid, whether I like it or not. And it's my duty as his daughter to look after his welfare, especially in his time of need."

"He never looked after yours," the Southerner insisted.

"Kid, please," Louise almost pleaded, running her hands over his shoulder. "Don't make this harder than it is."

"I can't win, can I?" he said with resignation.

"Trust me, son. We men never do," Teaspoon piped in and despite the depressing situation they were facing, the three of them shared a smile for the first time that strange and particular evening.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter XLVIII**

Louise settled to spend the night in the small room where her father lay. Kid had gone an hour ago, not without grunting or moaning. During all this time Boggs had not even stirred, and Lou simply watched him sleep with a sad countenance. It was unbelievable that her father, the great Mr. John Boggs, could be in such a state and condition. He was barely recognizable.

Since very young Louise had seen him as an imposing and overwhelming figure that everybody looked up to. He always appeared unattainable and impossible to get to. In those days of her childhood Lou had always watched him from a discreet corner while he spent time with her siblings. She used to love his voice when he told them all those tales that he had made up on the spur of the moment or his laughter when he played with them. Back then she used to hope, dream, yearn that for just once he turned to her and let her join them in their playtime. She had all kind of silly fantasies, all of them centered on him. Every night she prayed to God intently over and over that He turned her into his daughter, his real child like her siblings. She had been so naive and had really believed that one day things could have changed. They never did but her wish had been somehow granted since she had been Boggs's daughter all along. Lou cringed painfully at the thought. She had lost her childhood, had missed her father just for that big lie that he had wanted to believe and had made everybody believe, even her.

It was a great irony the way things had turned out to be. Here she was looking after the father who had never taken care of her. Kid was absolutely right; her father didn't deserve her consideration. Yet, the anger and resentment she had felt towards him had turned into compassion and pity. She just couldn't turn her back on him. Lou didn't even know whether she loved him... if she had ever loved him. He hadn't given her the chance to contemplate her own feelings. John Boggs had simply been that figure in her life to be afraid of. His loud voice and his hard features had been enough to scare the daylights out of Lou. She had never stopped to think if she really loved him or hated him. The notion was painful and that was just the track her life had followed.

At some point during the night she had fallen asleep on the armchair she was sitting on with her feet propped onto a low stool. She wasn't even aware that she had crashed until a hand on her shoulder woke her with a startle. On seeing Kid in front of her she relaxed and smiled. "How are you, Lou?"

The young woman rubbed her eyes with her closed fists and yawned. "A bit stiff but fine."

"You sure?" he insisted and crouching before her, he pulled her dress edge up a bit to reveal her swollen legs.

"Of course I'm sure," she exclaimed irritated, swatting his hand off her and dropping her legs from the stool. "You know the doctor said that's normal in pregnant women this far along and has nothing to do with last night."

The Southerner decided not to insist and as he stood up again, he asked instead, "How's he?"

"The same. He hasn't woken up at all over the night." Lou paused for a minute and then asked, "When's that judge Teaspoon mentioned supposed to come?"

"I'm not sure," Kid replied as he moved a chair next to his wife's and sat on it. "Sometime this morning." He passed an arm over her shoulders, bringing her close to him and brushing his lips against her temple he said, "Lou, why don't you go home and take a nap?"

"I can't, Kid. I want to be here and see what's gonna happen."

Not one more word was said between husband and wife. A bit later Rachel arrived, looking as if she had not slept a wink. She had left the children at the station under the care of the remaining riders, and while she now sat with Boggs, Kid had talked Lou into having some breakfast at the local restaurant. Apart from that brief break, Kid and the two women spent the whole morning in the room. At some point Boggs had woken up but he remained unresponding and he simply kept staring at the ceiling even though Rachel and Louise tried over and over again to make him react. Doctor Barnes had examined him but he hadn't said anything that he hadn't told them the day before.

At about midday the aforementioned judge made his appearance, and after dropping by the doctor's office and checking on Boggs, he returned to the jailhouse, accompanied by Teaspoon and Sheriff O'Neill. After that visit worry took a strong grip of Rachel and Lou, both fearing what all this might mean for Boggs. They knew he would not be able to stand a trial in the state he was in. After murdering a good and respected man like Mr. Franklin, nobody would be ready to speak on his behalf, and there might be people who would even want to promote a lynch against him. Maybe the judge would decide to conduct the process in St. Joseph where the other fella had been killed. In any case, both women knew that he would certainly have to face a death sentence eventually.

"Do you think we should hire a lawyer?" Lou asked after a lengthy silence.

"I guess so," Kid replied. "But a lawyer won't be able to soften something that is clearly indefensible."

"He's in no condition to go through a trial!" the station mistress exclaimed in exasperation. "It's inhuman!"

"Maybe, Rachel, but he's murdered two men and that's against the law."

He was right, but Lou couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed. The glare that she sent his way was unnecessary, and when Kid returned an innocent, clueless look to her, she felt she was being totally unfair. He had been there for her, supporting her, loving her, and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Louise's features softened, and she cast him an apologetic look while voicing a soft "sorry", which he accepted with a natural smile.

It was in that moment that somebody knocked at the door, and when Rachel opened, she found Teaspoon on the other side, who silently beckoned them to step out of the room. The two ladies and Kid walked into the waiting room, and saw that Mr. Lloyd was also there with the marshal.

"What's going on, Teaspoon?" Rachel asked straightaway.

"Things ain't lookin' too good, I'm afraid," the marshal explained. "Judge Silverton was adamant to prosecute, which of course didn't come as a surprise."

"But Teaspoon, he ain't well... he won't stand a chance!" the station mistress continued with her barrage of protests.

"I couldn't do anythin'... until Mr. Lloyd came forward..."

The three other people turned to the man as he started, "Anybody could see that there's something very wrong with Mr. Boggs, something inside his head... his mind. And there's one possibility to save him from a more than likely death... send him to a suitable place."

"What do you mean?" Kid asked.

"A mental home."

"No!" Lou exclaimed in a loud voice. "I ain't gonna allow that. I'm not letting him go to an asylum. Never!"

"Louise, it's for the best," Teaspoon replied.

"The best? For the best? Excuse me, but I do know what I'm talking about. I experienced on my own flesh what it's like to be in one of those places, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Lou, otherwise he'd be facing a death sentence. He's killed two men in cold blood."

"Honestly, Teaspoon, I don't know if death is the worst option. For many years I thought it was the only escape from that hell. You all know that."

"With all my respects, Ma'am. It's very sad to accept what is happening, but after seeing your father and talking to Doctor Barnes, we need to be ready to admit that he's been the victim of a mental condition. He surely wasn't aware of what he was doing when he killed those men. Unfortunately, nowadays he's just another murderer to the eyes of the law. There won't be mercy for him. Judge Silverton wasn't satisfied with my suggestion and pleads, but he finally consented to let Mr. Boggs be relocated to a proper institution. That would save him from death, Ma'am."

"I don't know, Mr. Lloyd. Nobody should have to go through all that... no matter what. Doctors there are useless... I doubt anybody could get any help out of them. Those places are just holes to hide poor crazy people from the world, and thus save normal people from a disagreeable reality. I wasn't able to endure something like that... I got to the edge so many times."

"Lou, there's a difference. There was nothing wrong with you but your father..." Kid remarked, letting the idea dawn on her.

"I know," the young woman conceded with a sad voice. She remained in silence, sharing glances with her husband, and Rachel in turns, and after a few moments she let out a sigh and said, "I guess that's the only thing we can do, ain't it?"

"I'm afraid so, honey," Rachel spoke for the first time. She was too emotional and felt unable to react. It broke her heart into two to see how her husband had come to such a state. The pain and remorse for his past deeds had caught up with him and had apparently turned him into a confused shadow, a specter of what he had been. Rachel still couldn't believe that this was what was left of her husband. She had loved him so much, and they had had so many plans and dreams for the future... In those winter evenings at the beginning of their marriage they had constantly talked about their wishes for a big family, they wanted to have more children and grow old together.

All that had started to crumble down from the moment Louise had got into their lives and the truth about him had been revealed. That was when she had discovered that she didn't know the first thing about her husband. The loving and caring person she had fallen head over heels in love with was actually capable of extreme cruelty. Rachel did not regret her decision to break up with him, but seeing what had become of him the station mistress wondered whether she could have prevented all this if she had done things differently.

After everybody's insistence, Lou had grudgingly accepted that she could only do what would save her father from a probable death. Thinking of the asylum made her shiver from head to toe. She wondered how she had been able to survive there for so many years. Right now she felt that she wouldn't be able to live between those walls for one single day. Her wrists still bore the evidence of what she had tried to do to escape that living death, but somehow life hadn't let her give up and made her carry on. It was as if somehow life had been adamant that she met her destiny, the destiny she now shared with Kid.

Louise couldn't stop thanking heaven for the gift of love and for making her survive all that. Yet, Louise doubted that her father would be able to outlive that in the asylum. He wasn't well, and she knew that despite his strong facade Boggs was a man of a weak nature. The jungle the asylum was might win over him, but what else could they do? The judge wouldn't let him get away with his deeds and besides, everybody was absolutely right. No one could tell what he might do in the state his mind was in. He needed to be controlled... Louise was well aware of that, but she couldn't help but fear what he'd have to live when he was sent to one of those institutions.

Much to Lou's chagrin, Judge Silverton ordered the transfer to be carried out the following morning. In the meanwhile Sheriff O'Neill kept vigilance before the door where the banker lay. Lou regarded the measure ridiculous in the extreme; her father wouldn't dare to make an escape when he was immersed in a state of total torpor. After the previous day's events he had hardly moved or said a word. He only murmured Louise's name in a bitter sigh, but other than that he was paralyzed. He had not even moved a muscle when unable to bear the sight Lou had untied him the night before.

Boggs would go to a mental home in the north of Nebraska. That would be his last abode in this life. Lou knew that he had escaped death on condition that he spent the rest of his days there. It was a deplorable perspective, but as Kid had told her, that didn't mean the end of everything. She and the children could go and visit him from time to time, which was more than she had ever gotten when living in the asylum.

That night Lou hadn't been able to refuse to go home and get some sleep. She just couldn't spend another long sleepless night. Her body needed some rest, and after the day's revelations she was very weary and listless. Her back and legs ached more than she was ready to admit, and she had a splitting headache that made her dizzy and a bit nauseous. Yet, as she lay down next to Kid that night, she felt unable to fall asleep. The worries and problems did not let her be, and she just couldn't find the peace she needed. At least her body was comfortable snug in her bed and even though her mind and eyes couldn't get the rest they were in so much need of, she possibly wouldn't feel so still and achy the next day. Kid lay by her side, fast asleep and Lou was glad that at least he could manage to grasp some shut eye. He wasn't having it easy either. He obviously shared her concerns about Boggs, especially of what this situation would mean for Louise.

The day had dawned just when sleep had finally won her over. She woke up to the soft voice of Kid like every morning since they got married, but today the smile she had borne every single day had disappeared and under the circumstances everything looked bleak. Louise was feeling rough and lethargic after the second night in a row without any sleep, but she couldn't laze around today since her father was being taken away. With slow movements she got up and started getting dressed. Soon the couple was on their way to town. Neither spoke much that morning. Kid understood that his wife needed to fight and accept the situation on her own and it wouldn't help her any to have his useless remarks or butting-in. He simply let her know that he was there for her in case she needed him.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man and the wagon that would transport Boggs to his destination were already there. Louise and Kid walked into the room with grim countenances and in silence. Rachel was inside, dressing the man as if he was a little child. As the couple entered, she sent them a silent look and continued with the task while taking to the banker in soothing tones. Kid and Lou simple stood watching the station mistress's tender movements and care. Now in his neat suit and his perfectly combed hair, Boggs looked almost the same as always. Yet, something had really changed. His eyes were dull and sad, and reflected a strange color as if they were lifeless and centuries old. Rachel intertwined her fingers with his and began steering him towards the exit. Boggs moved along with slow and clumsy feet, and as they walked by Lou and Kid, the banker stopped short and turned to look at the young woman. His shivering hand slowly lifted towards her and brushed against Lou's hair twice in awkward motion. A smile shyly started forming on his lips, and with a very tiny voice he let out, "Louise..."

The gesture caused fresh tears to appear in her eyes, and she felt unable to articulate one single word. The man kept looking at her with a goofy smile, and when the sheriff opened the door and rushed them, Rachel practically had to drag him away from the place. Lou followed them alongside Kid, silently weeping and holding onto her husband's arm tightly. They all stepped outside, and one of the two men who would be driving the wagon came forward and tied the banker's two hands. The other one grabbed him by the arm and without much ceremony he pushed him onto the back of the buckboard. The banker brooked no opposition, and stayed there as a man ready for the gallows.

Louise stood watching him. The image brought back memories of a similar event five years ago when she had been forced out of her home and packed to the asylum. It had also been a couple of men who had appeared to disturb her whole existence. The episode was so different to the one she was witnessing right now. While Boggs wasn't saying a single word of protest, and seemed to accept what was coming to him willingly, Louise had then been anything but submissive. She had kicked, thrashed and screamed her head off in a way to break free. Even though those two men had been quite sturdy and at thirteen she had been a scrawny little thing, they hadn't had it easy to submit her. Lou had pleaded and begged Boggs in despair, but her attempts to soften him had been totally in vain. The memory of that day would have left her bitter on any other occasion, but the situation was very different now, and all she felt was a terrible desolation and deep grief.

The buckboard was finally ready to part. Rachel came closer to one of the laterals and hugged her husband. She whispered her love to him and her words died down as the tears took over. Lou felt unable to move and simply stood there, watching the sad figure of her father. The wagon started to move and the group followed it with their eyes until it couldn't be seen any longer. Rachel sent a look at the couple, and without saying a single word she turned round and let Teaspoon escort her towards the other end of the street. Louise remained rooted on the spot, her eyes glued to the direction where the buckboard had disappeared. Kid stepped closer and passed an arm round her slender shoulders. Louise turned her gaze to him as he asked, "You all right, Lou?"

"I dunno," she breathed and shifting her body so that they stood face to face, she added, "Kid, I'm... so... so... so confused."

"It's understandable, honey."

"I was so angry with him for so long...I... I don't even know if I ever loved him."

"Lou, I know you did... you do. You're the daughter he didn't deserve." The young woman stared at him, clearly not convinced by his words and Kid simply added, "And if we had a baby girl, I wish she was just like you." Lou smiled awkwardly and without a single word more she let herself be comforted by the strong arms of her husband.

A hard kick in her lower abdomen made her wake up, and with a grimace she finally opened her eyes to the shadowy room. With no little difficulty Louise slid out of the bed she had occupied for months and started to put on and lace up her boots. She and Kid had come for lunch to the station after Boggs's departure. Lou felt that she owed an explanation to their siblings. Rachel had already talked to them but Louise just needed to do it her own way as well. It hadn't been an easy task despite the fact that Kid had been there supporting her in everything, but Lou had been totally at a loss when the children had bombarded her with questions that she didn't even know the answer to. Yet, it had really surprised her the way her siblings had reacted. They had naturally been distressed, but they had responded reasonably well. It was obvious that they weren't so young, and after witnessing their father's eccentric behavior in the last weeks the outcome hadn't come as a surprise to them.

After lunch Louise had felt tired and had accepted Rachel's suggestion to lie down and take a nap in the house. She had hardly had any sleep in the last days, and her body felt sore and weary apart from the constant backache she was having lately. Her time of rest hadn't lasted long since like usual the little one was in the mood to play and keeping its mama awake.

Before leaving the room she brushed her disheveled hair and straightened her creased skirt. She hadn't bothered to change into a nightgown and had fallen asleep on top of the quilt and the bedding. For a moment Louise kept staring at her reflection in the mirror, and a sigh escaped her lips. Her countenance bore the weariness she was feeling. Her skin was too pale, and there were rings under her eyes. Her own reflection reminded her of everything she had lived through the last couple of days. A sudden pang in her back hit her, and she cringed in pain as she brought her hand to rest on the area. Massaging her back as best as she could, Lou shuffled out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

There was nobody in the lounge when she reached downstairs. With slow movements she crossed the length of the room, and came to stand before the window overlooking the yard. As she looked through the glass panes, she could see Kid playing with her young siblings. Her heart surged with love as she watched them. Kid was going to be a terrific father for their child, the kind that her own father hadn't been. The thought brought about the sadness and bitterness that she was unable to get rid of. Her mind went to her brother and sister; they were still too young and had turned into orphans overnight. Their father might not be dead, but he was in practical terms. Rachel had talked to her and they, had decided that it was better for the children if they lived with the station mistress. The two siblings already saw Rachel as their surrogate mother, and she loved them as if they were truly their blood. Louise felt relieved that they had somebody to look after them but despite everything, the pain still gripped her heart tightly.

A door closing behind her made her look back and she saw Teaspoon entering from the back. The man smiled at her and as he came closer, he said, "I was lookin' for Rachel."

"I don't know where she is, Teaspoon. I just woke up from my nap."

The marshal noticed her weary and grim countenance and asked, "Are you all right, sweetheart?"

Louise nodded slowly. "Just a bit tired."

"These last days must've been very hard on ya."

The tears reappeared in her eyes, and as she looked up at the marshal, she said in a clipped tone, "I still don't understand why this had to happen!"

"Sometimes life is impossible to understand."

"I don't know, Teaspoon," the young woman continued. "I can't help but feel that everybody would have been better off if I didn't exist. Since the moment I was born into this world, I had brought nothing but suffering... to my mother, to my siblings, to Rachel... and to my father. None of this would have taken place without me... Rachel, my siblings and my father would still be the happy family they were when I came here... but now..."

"Louise, what happened to your pa ain't your fault. He brought it upon himself from the first moment he turned against his own flesh and blood, the holiest gift the merciful God can bestow upon us." The marshal paused and noticed that the woman still looked troubled. "Sweetheart, let me tell you somethin'. However much we try, there's only one thing you can't save a person from and that's themselves."

Lou sighed and replied without much enthusiasm, "I guess it's true."

"Believe me, it is," Teaspoon replied and seeing that she still looked uncertain, he added, "Just think that without you his life wouldn't be the same." Louise followed the direction that Teaspoon's hand was pointing at and her eyes fell on Kid, who was still in the yard, now talking to Jimmy. "I've never seen him look so ... exultant before and I do know that bunch of boys... too well sometimes. And..." the marshal continued, resting his hand on her belly, "this little one wouldn't have had the chance to live."

Louise nodded slowly with a wry countenance. She knew that Teaspoon was right. Kid and their baby were the most important part of her life, but after what had happened with her father she couldn't help but have mixed feelings. "Thank you, Teaspoon," she muttered in a very soft voice.

"It's always a pleasure to help a lovely lady like you are," the marshal replied, trying to raise her spirits, but all he managed to get from her was an awkward smile that didn't quite reach her tearful eyes.

In that moment the front door opened and Kid appeared. He instantly noticed her red and puffy eyes and worry set in his soul. "Are you all right, Lou?" he asked as he walked up to his wife and Teaspoon.

"Yes, of course I'm fine."

"Is your back still bothering you?" the rider asked again as he noticed how her hand kept rubbing the area she had lately been complaining about.

"I'm better now that I slept some," Lou responded with a lie. She knew that if she told him that her back was aching even more, Kid would go frantic and there was no need for her to worry him.

"Are you ready to go home then?" the young man continued. "I asked Jimmy to hitch up the wagon."

"Yes, please," Lou let out almost in a plead. She couldn't wait to get to their place and be able to relax. A hot bath would do her good, and she'd try to get some more sleep.

"Take your wife home, son. I'm sure she wouldn't mind a little pamperin' from her man."

The couple smiled at the comment and then Kid said, "Let's go then."

Louise voiced her thanks to the marshal again, and then followed her husband's lead out of the house. When they stepped out, the wagon was ready and waiting for them just before the white picket fence. The two children ran to hug her and once again Theresa asked her whether she'd come to see her the following day. Louise knew that her little sister was logically disoriented, and even though she was more than happy to live with Rachel, she also wanted to make sure that her sister would be in her life as well.

Louise repeatedly assured both her siblings while they ambled to the wagon that they'd never lose her and she'd always be there for them. When they reached the vehicle, Kid moved to the front of the horse, sharing a few words with Jimmy and taking the reins from his hand. Lou said her final good-byes to the children, and turned round to the wagon. Suddenly, intense pain shot through her belly making her legs stagger. Lou let out an agonizing yelp as she clutched the wagon frame with an iron grip and thus avoiding falling onto the dusty ground.

"Lou!" Kid called loudly as he ran to her followed by Jimmy. Louise had her eyes closed while she tried to get her breath back and waited for the pain to subside. Kid's face was pale with worry and fear as he reached her side and passed his arm over her protectively. "Lou...?"

The young woman opened her eyes and forcing a smile on her face she managed to say, "It's nothing. I'm fine. Let's just go home."

Kid watched the pallor and tiredness of her face and voiced his doubts. "You sure, Lou? You don't look so good to me."

"Please just take me home!"

Kid opted for not contradicting her and with his arm holding her securely they started towards the front of the wagon. They had barely taken a couple of steps that pain hit her again, and she bent over in agony.

"Rachel! Rachel!" Kid called in desperation, chorused by the voices of Jimmy and the children. Hearing the notes of panic in the summons the woman ran out of the bunkhouse, and at the sight of Lou holding onto Kid with a painful expression she knew that the moment they had been waiting for had come. On reaching the group, she sent the children to the bunkhouse and urged Jimmy to ride to town and bring the doctor.

"Kid, let's take Louise inside."

The young man scooped his wife in his arms and followed Rachel into the house. He was scared stiff as he listened and saw her yell in pain and whimper. He quickly took her to the bedroom where she had taken her nap and left her on the bed carefully Rachel was taking out towels and some other garments from the dresser drawers and as she saw Kid at the foot of the bed, staring at his wife as if petrified, she came to him and started to push him out of the room. "Rachel..." the young man tried to protest to no avail, and he was forced out of the room before he had time to react. He simply tried to speak once with a few clumsy words, "Rachel, please... Lou..."

"Don't worry, Kid. Your wife's just having your baby, only that, but this ain't a place for men."

Before he could say anything further, Rachel slammed the door shut on his very nose. Kid remained there before the closed door as he heard the agonizing yelps of his wife from the other side. Terror had invaded his mind, soul and body in just a few seconds, and he feared for her welfare. The doctor had last told them that the baby was due in two weeks. It was too soon... too soon. A sigh escaped his lips and telling himself that his fear wouldn't help her any, he simply turned on his heels and headed downstairs to start an agonizing wait that was already too long.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter IL**

Pacing up and down the small lounge, Kid could not keep still. The doctor had not arrived yet and the rider wondered what on earth was taking Jimmy so long. With each muffled scream coming from upstairs his worry soared, and his whole soul went for the woman he loved and who was now being racked by terrible pains. Teaspoon and the other riders had settled around the lounge and silently watched at Kid pace up and down in evident worry.

"Son, there's no reason to fret like that."

"Yes, Kid," Cody piped up, "women have children every day."

Stopping his frenetic pacing, the rider sent his blonde friend an irritated glance while he retorted, "I don't care about any other women, Cody. This is my wife we're talking about!" He let out a weary sigh and added through gritted teeth, "She's two weeks early, and I'm scared something might happen to her."

"Kid, babies don't understand about schedules. They just ask to be born when they're ready. Besides, certain circumstances might make women go into labor before their time," Buck explained.

"I knew that all this matter with Boggs wouldn't do her any good!" Kid exclaimed, raising his arms to the sky. "Hasn't he caused enough harm already?" All his worry and fear was beginning to show, and he felt completely powerless as he couldn't do anything to help Lou.

Teaspoon came next to him and patting his shoulder encouragingly he said, "Kid, your wife's just havin' your baby. There's no reason to believe that there's somethin' wrong."

"I know, Teaspoon," the rider let out with a weary sigh, "but I can't help feeling scared. Life has never treated her well, and I'm afraid something might hit her... hit us again."

Ike banged his hand on the arm of the seat he was sitting on, and when he had the Southerner's attention, he signed, "She's gonna be fine, Kid. Don't sound so pessimistic."

Kid could not reply to Ike's comment as the door opened and Doctor Barnes walked in followed by Jimmy. The physician did not waste a single minute and headed upstairs, leaving the men in the same position. The presence of the doctor brought some relief to Kid's distress; still he wouldn't feel completely satisfied until he knew for sure that both Lou and the baby were going to be all right. Jimmy came to stand by his side and turning his eyes to him, Kid asked, "What took you so long, Jimmy?"

The tone of his voice sounded more an accusation than a simple question. Jimmy could understand that worry was playing havoc on his friend's nerves, and decided to ignore the underlying tone behind his words, and simply explained himself, "A fire broke out at the Millers' and the doctor was logically busy when I got to his office."

"The Millers?" Teaspoon asked with a frown as he stalked closer to the two riders. "Is everybody all right?"

"The girls and Mrs. Miller only have a few minor burns, but it doesn't look so good for Mr. Miller. Apparently he tried to get the family out of danger, and a burning beam fell on him. Doc says it's a miracle he's still alive."

"Poor old Maurice!" the marshal breezed with a sullen countenance. "He's a good and honest man."

A few more lamenting words were exchanged between the riders, and then a door opening and heavy steps were heard coming from upstairs. Kid directed his apprehension-filled eyes towards the staircase, and his breath got caught as he watched Doctor Barnes appear.

"W... what?" was all Kid managed to stutter.

"Your wife is fine. Everything's going as it has to, but it will still take a while for the baby to be born. I'm off now, and will be back later."

"You're leaving?" Kid asked in total disbelief.

"I need to see to more pressing matters," Doctor Barnes replied calmly, understanding that his announcement wasn't going to be well received by the rider.

"You can't leave my wife now! She's having the baby!"

"Son, there's still time. I told you, your wife is all right. Mrs. Boggs can take care of everything... just in case. I wish I could stay, but there's a family who needs my help... urgently. I'll be back as soon as I can... I promise."

Before Kid had time to react, Doctor Barnes walked past him and left the house. The rider stood frozen, staring at the front door bang closed. "I... I can't believe he's gone."

"Kid, he said Lou's fine," Jimmy said, trying to calm his friend down.

"But what if something goes wrong?" the Southerner exclaimed, almost on the verge of tears and started to pace up and down the room only to be stopped by the marshal.

"Have faith, Kid. Don't bring up a bad omen on your wife with all those negative thoughts. Rachel's with her and she's gonna be fine... just fine."

The rider nodded reluctantly and dropped onto the sofa, feeling that this was a whole lot harder than the worst ride that he had ever taken. His wife was going through all this alone, and there wasn't a darn thing he could do to help her.

Upstairs in the bedroom Lou collapsed on top of the pillows as another contraction passed. Her hair was matted with sweat and her face was flushed from enduring the pain for the last hour. "Rachel?" she panted breathlessly, lifting her head to try to locate the station mistress.

"What is it, sweetie?" Rachel asked, coming to her side and wiping her forehead with a cloth.

"Where's the doctor?"

"Honey, he's gone for a spell. I'm sure he won't be long."

"I just want him to pull this out of me!" Louise sobbed as she punched the mattress with both her fists. "Right now! I can't take anymore!"

"Hey, hey, calm down honey," Rachel tried to soothe her and sat down on the bed carefully, taking one of her hands. "Louise, it ain't time yet."

"I can't do this, Rachel. I can't."

"Oh come on, Lou. You're a strong, incredible woman, and I'm sure this is nothing compared to all you've gone through."

"And where's Kid?" the young woman continued, sobbing loudly. "Where the hell is he? Where has he gone to hide?"

"Honey, he's just waiting downstairs and ..."

"I want him here!" Lou cried, cutting Rachel off. "This is also his baby! I want him here!"

"All right, all right!" the station mistress said, feeling that she couldn't reason with Lou right now. She rose to her feet and started walking towards the door. "You want your husband here, then you'll have him here. I'll fetch him for you." The woman opened the door and stalked down the stairs. Kid was on his feet already, expectantly looking at her.

"How's Lou, Rachel? Is everything... all right?

"Other than being a handful to deal with like all women in labor, she's fine," Rachel replied, and the rider let out his breath in relief. "It seems that your bride's already missing you and wants you there with her." The Southerner hesitated for a moment, and Rachel urged him, "Come on, Kid. Go up to that room before she comes to get you on her own. And believe me, she's more than capable of doing so."

The rider then dashed up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. When he reached the room, Louise was screaming and contorting as another pain racked her already exhausted body. The rider quickly walked to the side of the bed and stared at her with a guilty expression as the pain subsided. Lou opened her eyes, and as she saw her husband's blurry image before, she blurted out unkindly, "Are you going to stand there like a fool or are you gonna make yourself useful?"

Kid sent a look to Rachel, who had entered after him and the woman simply shrugged her shoulders. "What do you want me to do, honey?" he asked in a soft tone.

The care and sweetness in his voice, which very much contrasted with her previous harsh words, brought fresh tears to her eyes and she started to sob once again. "I don't know! I can't do this, Kid. I can't..." She repeated the same heart-felt complaint she had previously voiced to Rachel. She was feeling very tired and didn't think she could stand all this much longer.

"Of course you can, Lou," Kid said as he sat down on the bed and planted a kiss on her matted hair.

"It hurts so much... I never thought it would hurt so much!"

"I imagine it does, Lou," Kid muttered with a heavy heart. He kept silent for a few seconds, and once again pain hit her. Lou squeezed his hand hard as the contraction passed. Her body finally fell on the pillows totally worn out, and little by little she tried to win her breathing back. As Kid watched her awkward position, he had an idea. He started to move, and suddenly she grabbed his hand with a strong grip, stopping him. "Please Kid, don't go. Don't leave me."

"Lou, I ain't going anywhere. Just let me help you."

He placed his back against the headboard and very carefully moved her so that her body rested against him. "Are you comfortable?" Lou simply nodded. She was too tired to even utter a single sound, and all she wanted was to finish all this.

"Louise, I think this little one will be ready to meet us before we all thought," Rachel announced after checking on the young woman, and seeing the couple's concerned faces, she hurried to assure them. "Doctor Barnes will be back shortly, but in the meantime there's nothing to worry about. I know what I'm doing."

Once again Lou's body was racked by pains and above her cries Rachel tried to say that it was time for her to start pushing. Kid held her against her chest while Louise dug her nails into the skin of his arm. As she whimpered in pain, she muttered something that didn't reach his understanding. "What did you just say, honey?"

"Talk to me, Kid! Please talk to me!" she almost begged him. "Please say anything ... just anything... but talk to me!"

The rider remained silent for a few seconds and then started, "Do you remember when we first met?" A loud cry of pain was the only reply to his question, but he continued despite feeling totally broken. "I saw you there ... in Rachel's lounge like a divine apparition. I think it took me less than three seconds to fall in love with you. So beautiful... so lovely... so special." He let out a sigh as he brought to mind those memories. "But we didn't have it easy, did we? Not at all. You know I did everything in my power to deny what was so evident to my mind." The rider stopped as a little moan escaped his lips. Her nails were actually hurting him and the distraction made him look at what was happening just before his eyes. Rachel was exclaiming that she could see the baby's head. Kid opened his eyes wide and stared in that direction, but he couldn't see anything.

"Please... Kid... carry on," Lou's weary voice brought him back to attention, and he continued his tale without searing his eyes from the end of the bed.

"I... I loved you since that very first moment, and when you pulled down all my defenses simply by looking at me with those eyes, I just couldn't do anything but surrender..." His voice was low and almost muffled by her loud screams, but he knew that despite everything, she was listening. "I still can't believe that God brought you to my life. I don't know what I did to deserve somebody like you, the perfect piece to fit my life. Just perfect."

This time instead of Lou's loud cry, the answer to his account came as a wail, and Kid stared at Rachel, who was holding the newborn in her arms. "Oh my God! Aren't you a beauty?" the woman exclaimed as she turned and walked towards the dresser where there was a basin full of warm water.

"Rachel... is my baby fine? Is my...?" Lou asked with apprehension in her voice.

"Just perfect. But we have to make this cutie presentable to meet ma and pa," Rachel replied as she started to wash the baby and then wrapped a soft white blanket around its frail body. The woman walked back to the bed and placed the precious bundle in Lou's waiting arms. "You two have a lovely, healthy daughter."

"Kid, a girl!" Lou said, her voice husky from emotion and exhaustion. "A girl... like you wanted."

"She's perfect... just like you." the Southerner replied, staring at both mother and daughter in awe.

Louise looked at their baby transfixed. So much had happened and it was literally unbelievable that she could now hold her daughter in her arms. This moment would have been so different ... so horrible had everything followed the course that had been planned for her. Her baby would have been snatched from her to be given to that woman, she'd have been sent to that asylum in Mexico, and then her life would have actually been over. Yet, instead of that pathetic panorama, she was happily married to the man she loved, was a proud mother and ... her father was the one locked in a cell in an asylum. Realization of what she had and what she had been about to lose brought tears to her eyes as she watched her precious baby peacefully sleeping in her arms. Kid's fingers delicately wiping off her hot tears brought her back to reality and as she looked up at him, he said, "No more crying, honey."

"I... I'm so happy, Kid."

"I know," he replied with a smile. He remembered other times her tears had made their appearance... those occasions that were supposed to make her laugh and smile... like the time they got back together after those long months or after their wedding. Her past life had lacked moments of joy and now she still couldn't believe that something good could actually happen to her. Kid brushed his lips against her temple as he said, "I love you, Louise McCloud. Thank you for giving me the greatest present a man can have..."

His words almost echoed the ones Teaspoon had told her that very afternoon about her father. Yes, a child was the holiest gift heaven could give them, nothing else mattered. Lou didn't want to bring about negative thoughts in this moment, and she said, winking at him, "You know, I didn't do it alone."

Kid smiled and as a thought struck him, he added, "We'll have to find a name for our beautiful girl."

Lou turned her eyes to the sleeping baby and she whispered, "She's our little miracle... the only hope we had for a long time."

"I think that sounds pretty nice," Kid commented from behind her. Louise glanced back at him questioning, and he elaborated, "Hope. Hope McCloud."

"Hope McCloud," the young woman repeated, the name rolling nicely off her tongue. "That's a good name... just perfect." the last part came out as a yawn, and Kid took this as a clue to let his wife have some rest. He left the position he had taken since she had gone into labor and rose to his feet.

"And now, milady, it's time for you to get some rest."

"And no protests, Louise," Rachel added as she came forward and took the baby from her arms while Kid tucked his wife in. "With this young lady sleep is gonna be scarce in your home, so get some now that you can."

Rachel had not finished the sentence when she heard Louise's deep intakes of air, which told them that she was fast sleep. The station mistress and Kid exchanged a smile and she took the baby to the dresser. "Well, Hope," she whispered, "while ma is sleeping, we'd better get you dressed. It's a good thing that your grandma Rachel made you some clothes and kept them here, since you decided you wanted to be born at the station… where your pa and your ma met." The station mistress dressed the baby while she cooed at the baby. Kid watched them in awe as his daughter opened her eyes and looked up at the two adults as if she could understand what the woman was saying. Rachel caught the rider's eye and recognizing a very special shine in them she asked, "What?"

"I'm just... amazed. Lou ... the baby... it's just incredible," the Southerner replied, his ecstatic stare shifting between the two girls of his life.

"You and Lou are decent, honest people... You deserve this and more. You have a lovely family and we're all glad to be part of it," the station mistress remarked brushing her hand against his cheek softly, and at the mention of family she couldn't help feel a pang in her heart which made her lower her sad eyes.

Kid noticed the change in the woman and aware of where her sullenness came from, he asked, "How are you, Rachel?"

She let out a sigh before answering his question... or rather what lay behind his words, "I don't actually know. I haven't had time to digest everything that has happened. It's gonna be hard."

"The children will make it easier for you."

Rachel nodded and turning her attention back to the baby, she exclaimed with a big smile, "And this beautiful girl will have me spoiling her all the time, won't you, Hope? Yes, you will..." The baby gurgled as Rachel took her in her arms. "And now here you are, daddy," she said, unexpectedly handing the baby to the rider.

"Rachel... no... I ... I don't know... I," Kid stuttered, nervous and afraid as if he was handling dynamite instead of his daughter.

"You need to learn then. You don't expect Lou to be the only one to deal with your baby, do you?" The young man shook his head slowly without taking his eyes from the child. "Just hold her head."

"I'm afraid to drop her. She's so small..."

"You'll be fine, Kid," Rachel assured him and noticing the look of utter adoration in the rider's face she added, "She's beautiful, ain't she?"

He bobbed his head up and down in agreement and he simply said, "Just like Lou."

With ever so slowly steps Kid followed Rachel out of the room and downstairs where a bunch of expectant men and two children were eagerly waiting. As soon as Kid reached them, they flocked around him, asking dozens of questions in a chaotic loud ruckus. It was Rachel's high-pitched whistle that quieted them all. "Will you stop this fuss?" Rachel chastised them lightly. "And now... Kid, do the honors."

The rider cleared his throat. He felt so moved that he doubted whether he'd be able to produce a single sound, but after a few seconds he was able to speak. "Teaspoon, children, boys... let me introduce you to my lovely daughter... Hope McCloud."

His words were followed by a chorus of ohs and exclamations. Kid carefully tilted his arms so that the two children could have a good look of the baby.

"How's Lou?" Teaspoon asked after a while.

"She's fine, but exhausted. She's resting now," Rachel explained.

"I'm an auntie!" Theresa exclaimed, clapping her hands at the same time, which provoked a grin from the adults.

"And the best one, sweetie," Kid replied and noticing that Jeremiah hadn't said a word and looked very serious, he asked, "Something wrong, Miah?"

"A girl... " the boy let out with an unhappy expression. "All this family has is girls ... only girls."

Everybody burst out laughing with Jeremiah's words and even the boy stretched his lips in an awkward half-smile. "Kid, my friend," Cody quipped, grinning mischievously, "you and Lou get ready to start a new child soon or else Jeremiah won't talk to you."

"I wouldn't repeat that to Lou right now if I were you, Cody," the Southerner replied. "After today I don't know if she'll let me come too close to her, let alone give her another child. She was incredible up there."

"She's an amazing girl... woman," Rachel said with a smile.

"Kid?" Jeremiah called with a troubled countenance.

"Yes, buddie?"

"Will... will... will my pa meet the baby?" the boy finally voiced what had been troubling him all afternoon. "I know he would love to."

The Southerner exchanged a look with Rachel, who couldn't stifle the tears gathering at her eyes. "Of course, Jeremiah," Kid finally answered. "We'll go to visit him as soon as we can. Lou will need some time to recover and the baby's still too small to travel. But we'll go and show your father his granddaughter... I promise."

In that very moment the baby started bawling so loudly and suddenly that startled all those present in the lounge. "She's Lou's daughter through and through," Jimmy joked, provoking smiles all around him.

"Yes, she is," Kid stated, meaning every word even though his friend's comment had been in obvious mock. "And I cannot be prouder of my two girls. They're my entire world."

"Welcome to the family, Hope."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter L: Epilogue**

The setting sun dyed the azure sky with a spectacular combination of color from fire orange to indigo. Louise rocked back and forth in her chair as she looked at the beautiful horizon before her eyes. A babbling sound next to her made her shift her gaze and direct her attention to her daughter, who in her bassinet was laughing at the exaggerated gestures that auntie Theresa was making. Lou smiled at the lovely picture by her side. Theresa was smitten with her niece and whenever she came to the ranch or Lou took the baby to the station, the young girl did not leave her niece's side for one single moment.

Hope was already four months old, and was growing healthy and beautiful with each passing day. Lou couldn't believe that her baby wasn't so little anymore. Time really flew by and she was still amazed at the change that her life had undertaken. She had settled to her role as mother and wife so well that it seemed that she had always done it.

Soon after the baby had been born, Teaspoon came one day announcing that the Pony Express was over. Even though the news hadn't come as a surprise, it had been received with great sadness from them all. They had lived and shared so much in those months that the end of the Express felt like the beginning of a new era, an uncertain and troublesome time which all of them were actually scared of. Nothing would be the same from then on, and the end of the Express was the first one in a chain of changes.

Cody had soon left. His unit had finally packed up and ridden out of Sweetwater. The ex-rider's departure had been a sad occurrence, and they all knew that Cody was going to be greatly missed. The day he had galloped away, they had then realized for the first time how quickly things were changing. Fortunately, Cody had been the only one who had decided to part so far. The others had stayed in Sweetwater even though nobody could tell for how much longer. Jimmy had always been a restless soul and everybody would have sworn that he'd leave as soon as the Express was over, but they had clearly been mistaken. Hickok had accepted to work as a deputy for Teaspoon. He still lived in the bunkhouse with Buck and Ike. One day he'd probably ride away, but so far he was still there.

Ike and Buck were still unsure of what they wanted to do with their lives. In these four months they alternated between helping Kid on his ranch and giving Rachel a hand with the old way station. The woman had bought the property from Emma, using the money she got from selling Boggs' old house. The new bank manager had bought it at a very good price, and Rachel had decided that part of it would go to pay for her husband's needs and the other part would ensure that she and the children always had a roof over their heads. Rachel had recently started working at the local restaurant as a cook and in her free hours she was turning the old way station into a good farm. Instead of the horses that they had owned with the Express, now the place was inhabited by cows, chickens, turkeys and other animals. Rachel was getting good revenue from the products she got from her livestock. Ike and Buck were the ones who had offered to help her in this new enterprise of hers, which seemed to grow more and more every day.

Louise turned her eyes ahead and directed them to the corral where her husband was working with one of the new horses they had purchased. The business was going slowly but it already gave them enough to live on. Kid was a hard-working man and she knew positively that with time their little ranch would flourish. As she watched Jeremiah and Ike working alongside her husband, she smiled candidly. Even if the ranch were a complete failure, they had already managed so much... especially from Jeremiah. The boy had been more distraught about his father than what he had first let on, and the situation had even worsened when they had gone to visit the banker at the asylum.

Boggs was just a vague shadow of what he had been. His hair had gone completely gray and his countenance was haggard and weird. They'd been told that every day he simply sat in a corner, without speaking, without moving, as if he was simply waiting for death to come... and Louise feared the end would come sooner rather than later. Seeing their father like that, the children had logically been terribly upset and cried that they didn't want to see him like that again. Lou and Kid understood their distress and would never insist on the subject. Theresa had gotten over that episode eventually, but Jeremiah had turned even more standoffish. Lou had thought that the visit would cheer him up, but logically it had brought about the opposite effect. Rachel had also been very worried about the boy. His new teacher complained about his lack of interest; the boy didn't play with his school friends and at home he was always crestfallen and morose. He had even got into a few fights with some older boys from school like the time he had come to blows with those children that had insulted Louise.

Fortunately, Kid had come up with the idea that had solved the problem. He had suggested that Jeremiah go and help around the ranch two or three times a week, as a way to show him that even though they could understand him, his behavior wasn't very well appreciated. What had started like a kind of light reprisal had turned to be the means to drive the boy out of his constant ill humor. Jeremiah had hardly shown much interest in horses while the station had worked full steam. However, as he had started coming to the ranch, he had clearly proved he had a natural predisposition to animals. That love seemed to be helping him to fight his own problems and demons, which had filled both Lou and Rachel with great relief.

As Louise realized that the two men and her brother were finished for the day, she turned to her sister. "Tessie, get ready to go home. The men are already done."

The girl lifted her eyes and saw her brother, Kid and Ike walking out of the stables after leaving the horse they'd been working with that day. Theresa made an unhappy pout while she said, "Louise, can't I stay a bit longer? Please."

"You know you can't, honey," Lou replied. "You have school tomorrow, and you still need to finish your homework." The girl did not look very satisfied with her sister's answer, and seeing her sad scowl Louise added, "I'll tell you what. On Saturday you can spend the whole day here and even sleep over. What do you think?"

"I'd love that!" Theresa exclaimed, her face changing from morose to happy in a matter of seconds.

"But first you need to ask Rachel, all right?"

"I will."

In that moment the men and Jeremiah reached the porch where the girls were. "Ready to go home, Tessie?" her brother asked her.

"Yes," the girl replied and turning to her sister she hugged her good-bye and planted a soft and delicate kiss on her niece's forehead. "I'll see you on Saturday, Hope. And then we can play together."

The baby let out an incomprehensible gurgle and a little cry. Louise smiled at her sister's antics and marveled at how she and the baby could communicate with each other. At that pace Hope would learn to say Theresa's name before she could say ma or pa.

Ike and Jeremiah bid the couple good-bye and then walked to where the buckboard was waiting. Lou stood up from the rocking chair and came to stand next to her husband. They both silently watched Ike driving the wagon away while the children waved goodbye to them. When they couldn't see them anymore, he rested his arm over her shoulders, bringing her closer. "How's my baby tonight?" he asked planting a kiss on her cheek.

"The baby's fine."

"I know the baby's fine... I was asking about you," the ex-rider replied with a wink. Louise smiled coyly at her husband and he added, "And maybe tonight you can show me how you are... that is, if Hope lets you."

Lou burst out laughing at the comment, but her laughter was cut short as his lips captured hers in a long, sultry kiss. When they pulled away, she kept staring at him with a mischievous smile. "You never get enough, do you?"

"Can't help it. You simply drive me crazy." Kid tried to kiss her again, but she pushed him off and turned from him with a long face. "Lou... what's wrong?"

She folded her arms over her chest and muttered morosely, "Don't say that! Never say that again!"

"What?" he asked, lost at the meaning behind her comment.

"All that about driving you crazy... don't say that."

Her words made him realize why his teasing remark had upset her. "Yes, you're right," he said, coming behind her and wrapping his arms around her petite frame. "I'm sorry. I never realized how that sounded." He kissed her cheek once again and as a way to cheer her up, he added, "Actually you're the one who keeps me sane... honestly."

Louise gave him a shy smile and looking at him sideways, she whispered, "I love you, Kid. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Shh," he shushed her softly when he noticed she was getting too emotional. "I love you too." He paused briefly to gaze into her eyes, a moment which was interrupted by the sudden cry of the baby. The couple let go of each other and Louise picked up the child from the bassinet. "Feeding time?"

"Uh huh," Louise replied as she started towards the door, carrying her whimpering baby. Once at the threshold she turned towards her husband, who had not moved from the spot. "You coming, Kid?"

The Southerner nodded and ambled to them. "You know, she's a very lucky girl," he said teasingly, which made Lou laugh heartily. Among giggles and laughter the couple walked inside the house, both feeling that his mocking words actually carried a great deal of truth. Their daughter was indeed very lucky. She was already loved and cared for and, fortunately, her life was going to be so different from their own childhoods. She had two loving parents, who adored her, and she had the rest of her family around her little finger, and God willing, she would never know what it was like to grow up unwanted and alone.

Kid stood next to the fireplace as he watched the lovely scene of his wife breastfeeding their daughter. He would never get tired of watching them in that very private and special moment between mother and child. No one could feel as lucky as he did. They had walked a long path to reach here, and Kid still found it difficult to believe that he really stood there, amazed by his everyday life. Years would pass, problems would come... joy would come, but he'd never forget all he and Lou had gone through to meet their life in common. Every day was a miracle... every day was a marvel... a simple stunning marvel.

**The End**


End file.
